Wow... I know you're all just as amazed as I am that I actually wrote something new. As for the sudden and screeching halt that came to the fic I was writing such a long time ago, Wild Honey, remember that one? Well, there was the writer's block that has lasted for well, forever. And I have the end written, I just need to connect it to the beginning. I will get it done eventually and thanks to those people who have been pestering me about it. Anyway, on with the fic!
DISCLAIMER: Yes, I own everything. They're all mine. Just kidding. I wouldn't lay claim on Riley. Actually, I would, but she's my dog, so anyway. (Yes, we have a dog named Riley, but she's a girl). All hail Joss. The title I got from my Pearl Jam album titled, imagine, Yield.
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Up to the season finale with the big Glory fight where everyone is supposed to make an appearance. Based on the rumor that Riley will return. TIMELINE: After the big Glorificus fight SYNOPSIS: Riley's POV (dunno why I'm writing this, but hey) and he thinks about all that is Buffy and Angel. DEDICATION: anyone who feels the need to have a story dedicated to them DISTRIBUTION: If you have my permission already, knock yourself out. If not and you want it, ask and ye shall receive AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wanted to tell all of you that I have been enjoying the ficage very, very much, but I've been busy so I haven't been a good feedbacker, I'm very sorry, but as per usual, all glorious and I love the good B/A stuff.
FEEDBACK: It's been so long... please, there was serious withdrawl. I promise that I'll be better with it, too.

I watched him walk away from her. I didn't realize that it was again. He had been walking away from her for a long time. How could he love her if he kept hurting her? Kept walking away?

I turned to face her in the distance. She knew I was back, no longer MIA in the jungles of Central America, but she wasn't paying attention to me paying attention to her. She was watching him walk away from her again. The look in her eyes that became so familiar to me that I didn't even notice it anymore back when things were so happy with us; I noticed it now. Somehow, either my being gone or the fact that he was leaving brought it out in full force instead of hiding behind some other look in her eyes. It was probably that he was leaving again.

I knew she cared about me. Despite what I had told Xander, she probably did love me. But in a completely logical way. That wasn't the way she loved him. I knew that the last time they had seen each other resulted in apologies about the time before that. When she had gone to warn him about Faith and then he came to apologize. I knew that she had lashed out irrationally at him because it hurt her so much to see him, let alone be near him.

What I did understand was how much she had loved him. Probably still did. What I didn't understand was how he could hurt her as much as he had and still did and love her as much as she loved him. Or how she could keep loving him after everything that had happened. Even though I knew I didn't even know the half of what had happened between them. I could guess though, only the best and the worst could make someone look at each other the way they looked at each other.

So, I went to L.A.

* * * * *

I looked up at the hotel, The Hyperion. If I remembered correctly, Hyperion was a titan in Greek mythology, father of Helios, one of the gods associated with the sun. Ironic, if you asked me. I looked up at it, hating the man inside and hating myself because I couldn't win her from him. I don't know how long I stood there just looking at the hotel, looking from window to window watching for a shadow to sweep across the room. Nothing happened. So I finally went inside.

There was no one to greet my entrance which I both found odd and relieving. Odd that no one was there, particularly in the middle of the day and relieving that I didn't have to answer any questions. It had an old Hollywood feeling to it, like it would be the perfect setting for one of those old TV movies. I moved quietly around the large room, casually looking at anything my gaze caught.

I moved behind the front desk, noticing the piles of books that had been haphazardly stacked on the counter and desks. Probably the Glory research that had gone on before Angel and his group came to Sunnydale to fight. I picked up one of the leather bound books, noticing that it looked older than anything I had ever seen. Even in Giles' collection. But, then again, Angel was old. I thumbed through the pages of musty old writings in some language that I was sure no one knew how to speak anymore. I didn't really notice anything until something slipped from between the pages onto the floor.

I picked it up. It was an old picture, edges worn down. The images on the other sides rocked my soul. A candid photo of Buffy with Angel. He was in a tux, smiling at her. She had on a pink strapless gown that I recognized to be the prom dress she had hanging in her closet.

She was beautiful, as always. Hair done to perfection, make-up accentuating all the right features, and she was smiling. Her lips and eyes, she was smiling with both. Many times in the beginning of our relationship her smiled never reached her eyes. Eventually I didn't notice anymore, assuming that was just my Buffy. This was his Buffy. The girl with the shining eyes, a look that said she loved him more than anything and every part of her very being knew it. I stuck it back in the book, unable to bear the love in her eyes.

I moved around some more, looking around the office which I assumed to be his. There was another photo of Buffy sitting on a shelf behind his chair. One of her senior pictures, similar to the one her mother had put on the mantle. She had her head resting on her fist, looking at the camera, a slight smile playing on her lips. There was a ring on her finger that I recognized as one that was now in her jewelry box. I had only seen it on her once, strung around a slight silver chain resting around her neck just before we started dating. I didn't pay much attention to it, but now I remember the meaning behind the ring. The heart was pointing towards her, she belonged to someone in that photo, to him. I understood why he had this picture and her mother hadn't.

There were other pictures around it, of Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn; people I had only met in between battles. The few people who were precious in his life. I heard the door swing open and then slam shut, followed by a rush of voices. I stood where I was. Footsteps got closer and then there he was standing in the doorway, noticing me for the first time. I heard an "Oof" behind him and as he moved through the door eyeing me, I saw Cordelia behind him.

"Angel, weird much... ," then she saw me, "Oh..."

"Riley," he said, acknowledging me.

"I wanted to talk to you," I replied. He eyed me in surprise before nodding.

"Cor... ," he began.

"I'm gone. I'll see you tomorrow," she said hurriedly, glancing at him before practically running out of the room. I had a feeling she was mentally telling him not to kill me. He sat. Waiting for me. Watching me. I hated the way he rendered me helpless before him. He was only a vampire.

The vampire who had the love of the girl I wanted so badly to love me.

I didn't even know what I wanted to say to him. And he just sat there waiting.

"She doesn't love me," I suddenly blurted out. He looked amused by this, raising his eyebrows. He knew that she loved him. Had, did, and would always love him.

"Riley... ," he said, the corners of his mouth turning up into a bewildered smile.

"But she still loves you. And I can't figure it out. You keep breaking her heart, keep walking away from her. How can she still love you after all the times you left her heart shattered on the ground? How can she?" I interrupted.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, "But every time her heart shatters in all those pieces, so does mine. And every time we pick up the pieces, they get mixed up. She has part of my heart in her. The pieces of her heart that I have in me are not only what heal me, but the most treasured possession I have. Knowing that once she loved me as much as I love her."

"She still loves you that much," I muttered. He heard me.

"Riley, I don't know why I fell in love with her. Every time I try to figure it out, it gets more mixed up and I don't remember why I did. I just did," he explained.

"If you love her so much why do you keep hurting her? Keep walking away?" He looked at me cautiously before answering.

"It hurts me just as much to walk away. But when you love someone that much, you don't care how much it hurts you to do what's best for them. You just do it because you love them that much." I didn't answer. My own leaving plaguing my thoughts. I walked away because I was selfish.

She was still in love with him. I didn't walk away because I wanted her to have everything I couldn't give her; I walked away because I wanted her to want everything that I could give her.

* * * * *

I walked out of The Hyperion only moments later. Angel and I would never be friends. I would never join him for a drink and he would never be as willing to let me into his home again. But the next time we did see each other, if we ever did, we knew that there was an understanding there. We wouldn't kill each other.

I still hated him. He still hated me. But for the first time in my life I understood one of the things that Buffy loved about him.

And I hated him for it. Hated her for loving him so damn much. I had lost Buffy forever when I walked away. He had her forever when he walked away. Because he had given her up to come back to him. I hated him.

Well, what did you think? It has been a while since I wrote anything.

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