Disclaimer: you know the drill, i dont own them and im not making any money
on this.
Do you know?
Do you know what its like to live in the shadow of a ghost, to realize what
everybody has known all along, that he will never be over her?
Do you know what its like to share a bed with a ghost, for there to always
be three in the bed?
To know that when he is dreaming its not you he is dreaming of.
To hear him call out for another woman in his sleep
And when you are sleeping next to each other and he reaches out, its not you
he is reaching out for.
Do you know what its like to love some one and wonder if its you he is
thinking of as he is moving inside of you, or if he is making love to a
ghost?
Do you know how much I hate her sometimes?
Do you know what its like to walk in on your lover as he is talking to his
son about love and realizing that it's not you he is referring to?
To see him look at his son and knowing that it's her eyes, her smile he
sees.
To hear him talking to his son about his real mother who died before he was
born.
Do you know what its like to see your lover sitting in a chair and stare at
a photograph of his ex, his fingers gently tracing the lines of her face.
To see him break down every year on the date of her death because he
couldn't save her, his one true love.
And when he got his reward, his shanshu, he got drunk and finally broke down
in sobs because he couldn't share it with her.
Do you know what its like to love some one and know that you have his body,
but you will never have his heart and soul, that he has given them to some
one else?
To know that no matter what you do or how much you love him, he will never
love you the way he loved...no loves her.
To know that you will never make him lose his soul. That you can never give
him one moment of perfect happiness, and that she has.
To know that his heart is broken and only one person can make it whole and
that it isn't you.
To know that though it's been over five years since her death he still
belongs to the blonde slayer.
And the only reason he is with you is to take away some of the loneliness.
Do you know what its like to hold your lovers hand as he dies and the last
thing he says is her name, Buffy.
To tell his son the reason daddy died was because he wasn't strong enough to
go on with out her. That a big part of him died the day she died.
Do you know what its like to stand by his grave next to hers in Sunnydale
knowing that wherever he is, he is with her and they are finally together
like they always wanted?
Do you know what that's like?
I don't think you do.
Send feedback to M Back to the Fanfiction Archive
distrubution: if you wont it then take it, just let me know were.
feedbak: please, its my first fic so yes please, send it to
kingochgosa@hotmail.com
spoilers: Buffy ep the gift and angel season three
Authors note: i would like to thank my beata reader clara, this fic takes
place about five years after the gift, buffy was never brought back, and
this is cordelias pov on hers and angels realationship but dont wory its
definetly B/A, also speling is not my thing so please dont decapitate me
fore the speling mistakes.