Rating: umm...I'm thinking along the lines of PG...in the meantime. Who knows what the future might bring:).
Disclaimer: nope, last time I checked, nothing was mine.
Spoilers: well...better safe than sorry: everything up to the end of season 3 can be spoilery.
Synopsis: I have a strange drive to rewrite season 3 of BtVS. I just don't seem to like the way it ended...beats me why. Anyway, so despite the fact that the original plan was to begin with "Helpless" (that's around the time everything really started getting screwed up B/A-wise), as you can see, plan's changed and I'm going to start with "Anne". If you expect to find in this series events/quotes from the original season....I seriously mean it - I'll try my hardest keeping them to the very minimum. But all in all - it's probably a yet another attempt to end the season on a more "positive" B/A level. See how it goes:).
Pairing: the conventional ships: B/A, W/O, C/X. If I decide to torture any/all of them, you'll be the first to know:).
Distribution: ask first.
Feedback: please, yes, please.

I don't mind that I've
Come back here again
In a place so far away
From normal life
I could stay right here
And never ever leave
What else do I need?

- Vast, "What Else Do I Need?"

*******

Buffy stole a glance at Angel and sighed. She knew he had been looking at her, too, when he thought she hadn't been aware. But there hadn't been a single time she had missed his eyes on her. They hadn't said a word to each other ever since they had left the mansion, soon to be an hour ago, not that they had exchanged more than ten words beforehand. The Slayer wasn't able to bear the vibes of tension coming from the vampire at her side, and she thought she would explode any minute. She knew what it was; of course, she did. He had kissed her. That's all, he had kissed her. And now, he wasn't even able to walk next to her without maintaining an at least three-feet-distance between the two of them. It had merely been a kiss.

Of course, she could understand why that kiss had been so important. The problem was that its importance to her was different from its importance to him. He had felt as if he had committed some kind of a crime, something unforgettable he must be ashamed of and punished for, because he had kissed his girlfriend. The Slayer chuckled inwardly. It was the first time she acknowledged how truly strange it was, referring to herself as *his girlfriend*, after everything that had happened, and with him doing nearly nothing but push her away time and again, even after he himself had initiated the closure. And all in all, the only thing Buffy could think about was that it was the first sign of him willing to regain that same closure, their former physical relationship, and she couldn't wait for it to repeat itself.

She hated it. She couldn't stand having her most precious feelings, her love for that ensouled tortured vampire, to be dismissed, and classified as 'wrong', and by him, of all people. She could long for nothing more than spending every second of the rest of her life, protectively wrapped in his strong and gentle arms. Nothing in the world could make her happier, and so far, the tiniest expression of his desire that he had allowed to slip through his guard, he had taken back, and increased said guard a thousand times, pushing her even further away, just as Buffy contemplated that further wasn't really possible.

The Slayer turned her head to look at him again, and frowned, when the exact same moment, he slightly grimaced. She touched his arm, drawing his instant attention. "Let's sit down," she nodded with her head at the nearest large tombstone to where they were.

Angel gazed at her for a moment, not saying anything. "You have to patrol," he turned out her offer, seemingly after a consideration.

She smiled weakly. "You know…if there's one thing I learned about destiny in general, it's that if vamps are destined to fall on my stake, they will, regardless to *when*. So, in a nutshell, there's no actual rule saying we can't take a break." She nodded at the headstone again, and offered him her hand invitingly. "Come on."

The vampire reflected upon it for several moments, his eyes darting between her and the place she had offered they should sit down. Then, ignoring her stretched out hand, paced over there, and sat on the ground, holding one hand to his chest for several moments, as he leaned his back on the stone behind him.

The blonde took a deep breath, and perched down next to him. She put her hand on his forehead, brushing it down to his cheek, and turning his face to her. "I shouldn't have let you go," she observed after a short while.

"I wanted to," Angel averted his gaze from her, causing her palm to slide off of his face.

"Well, I could have said 'no'," she contemplated. "I used to do that quite a lot, actually, before *you* came into my life."

"You used to do…many things," he swallowed, maintaining his gaze straight ahead, "before I…came."

Buffy flashed him an annoyed gaze. "Next time, remind me to pick my words more carefully," she added dryly.

Angel didn't say anything, just leaned back on the headstone and closed his eyes.

Buffy glanced up at his face, then released a breath, and reached for his hand, feeling him instantly stiffen to her touch, though he never tried to pull it back from hers. "For how long are you planning to keep this up, exactly?" she wanted to know. "It would clear things up for me, if you told me what's the problem, you know." She waited until he opened his eyes and turned to look at her. "We didn't do anything wrong," she whispered, touching his arm gently.

The vampire wriggled his arm out of her grip and focused his eyes on something ahead of him.

"Angel," the Slayer reached for him again, but he recoiled. "Angel," she repeated his name, not trying to touch him anymore, her voice pleading for his attention only, if not for his response, "please...don't."

He swallowed hard, but maintained his gaze away from her, obviously struggling to keep his calm. He had to muster all his will power not to give in to her, and it was becoming harder by the second. He wasn't able to resist her, not when what he wanted the most was that one and only thing she wanted him to give. He drew in a shaky breath and wetted his lips. "It was a mistake," Angel finally said, proving by that he knew exactly what she was referring to, but he wasn't strong enough to keep his voice steady while uttering these words.

She nodded bitterly, oblivious to the wavering in his voice, but fully aware of the words. "You certainly got the lines every girl wants to hear."

The vampire closed his eyes for a moment, and exhaled the stored air in his lungs. "I made a mistake," he said softly, "I…I was wrong."

"And now you're right," Buffy observed sarcastically. "Are you going to shun me on regular basis from now on?" she guessed where he was heading with that.

"I'm going to…to do right," he endeavored to build up a rational sentence, though he wasn't able to form a single rational thought, but the will to feel her lips on his again. "I love you," the words escaped his lips before he was able to hinder them, as if being possessed by a will of their own.

The blonde grinned ruefully. "I thought you did," she shrugged, "but then I was told I was a mistake." She bit her lip, and looked down, drawing patterns with her stake in the dirt. "If you go, you go, Angel," she voiced her thoughts, and Angel's as well. "I don't do half-ways. That's why I…I can't," she looked up, shaking her head. "*You* can't," she implored, her eyes tearing up, "you can't kill what we have..."

"It's wrong," he whispered, not letting her finish the sentence, knowing what she was gong to say.

"Wrong," Buffy chuckled. "Of course, it is," she nodded, sneering. "I mean, every good thing in my life is, right?"

A good thing?

Angel couldn't help the inner chuckle. In his entire life, *and* unlife, not once, had anyone called him that. Not once. And then, she had come.

When Whistler had found him on the streets of Manhattan all these years ago, he hadn't wanted to go with the demon. He had had his life, his existence, day to day, whatever it was worth, even if it was worth nothing. But he had also had no ties, no responsibilities, no place he had been wanted in…no home…no little blonde Slayer to wrap her arms around him and call him a man. Could he really go back to that life again, he wondered? He had never estimated his strength and determination properly, after all, he had given in to her time and again. Would he able to wake up, night after night, with the knowledge she wasn't in his life anymore?

When he had brushed his lips against hers, her warmth had washed over him from the inside, like a shock wave, he had been defenseless against it. Nothing in the world ever had, or ever would make him feel so vulnerable. It was a mere kiss, a small, soft caress of her lips on his, and before he knew it, she was in him, allover him, all through him, she *was* him, and he was alive. He hadn't known what being alive truly meant, not even when his human heart had been beating over two centuries ago. He hadn't realized it, until that little person he loved so much had stormed into his life and turned it upside down, proving everything he had known to be wrong.

But did he deserve that person anymore? Did he deserve to be held and to feel human after everything he had done to her? Did he deserve her kiss anymore?… Her forgiveness?… Her love?

If he had thought he had deserved all of these things, would he have broken their intimate moment of that morning?

Didn't she deserve happiness after all he had put her through? And what was he to do, if he happened to be that happiness? Would he deny it from her? Did he even have the right?

But was it his decision alone to make?…

"I'm…afraid," he admitted. "I can't…I can't hurt you…"

"You're right," she interrupted him, lifting her hand to his cheek, and he immediately covered it with his, inclining his face into her palm and closing his eyes. "You can't," Buffy whispered, her eyes glistening with tears, as she felt his moistening the palm of her hand, trickling from underneath his dark lashes.

"I hurt you," he murmured, his voice hoarse with tears and pent up emotion he hadn't allowed himself to express for a too long time.

The Slayer shook her head, never breaking eye contact, even though his eyes were shut the entire time. She drew in a deep breath, and moved closer, reposing her other hand on his thigh. Then, she removed her hand from his face and slipped into his lap, wrapping both arms around his middle and pressing her face into his wide chest.

The vampire swallowed, and enclosed his arms around her, cradling her like a child to his chest, digging his fingers into her golden locks.

"I love you," he heard her voice, muffled with his shirt, and buried his face in her hair, pressing her closer to him.

"It's wrong," his whisper contradicted his actions, when he only reinforced his embrace, feeling suddenly unable to ever let her go again after this.

"So be it," she responded, again, barely heard, since talking into his chest, "I guess all the best things in life are."

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