Rating: umm...I'm thinking along the lines of PG...in the meantime. Who knows what the future might bring:).
Disclaimer: nope, last time I checked, nothing was mine.
Spoilers: well...better safe than sorry: everything up to the end of season 3 can be spoilery.
Synopsis: I have a strange drive to rewrite season 3 of BtVS. I just don't seem to like the way it ended...beats me why. Anyway, so despite the fact that the original plan was to begin with "Helpless" (that's around the time everything really started getting screwed up B/A-wise), as you can see, plan's changed and I'm going to start with "Anne". If you expect to find in this series events/quotes from the original season....I seriously mean it - I'll try my hardest keeping them to the very minimum. But all in all - it's probably a yet another attempt to end the season on a more "positive" B/A level. See how it goes:).
Pairing: the conventional ships: B/A, W/O, C/X. If I decide to torture any/all of them, you'll be the first to know:).
Distribution: ask first.
Feedback: please, yes, please.

Looking out my window staring
At the things that I can't see
If I listen closely
I can hear a dying dream
I'm wrapped up in the warmth
Of an unforgiving mind
I'm on vacation in another time

- Vast, "Land of Shame"

***********

"Well, you two seem to be quite certain of what you're saying," Giles observed, addressing it both to Buffy and Angel. He eyed the couple again, as if still faltering between completely believing them, or not at all. They both appeared to be more than convinced, and moreover, both had witnessed hard evidence, which prevented him from simply dismissing what they had told him as a groundless assumption. Also, as serious an accusation as they both were making, and he saw how hard it was to make it, on the Slayer, rather than the vampire, he had to remind himself of the fact that taking into account the latter turn of events, it was more than just plausible.

"We're sure," Buffy confirmed quietly, needless to say, reluctantly, as she moved closer to Angel.

The former Watcher sighed, and rubbed his chin. "I won't lie to you, Buffy…"

"Then lie to me anyway," the blonde's head snapped up suddenly, as if she knew what he was about to say. "It wasn't…it wasn't her fault," she murmured, uttering the words more out of her desperate need to cling to *something*, than because she truly believed in what they stood for. She couldn't help feeling she hadn't done enough for Faith when she had still had the chance. Her rational side was perfectly aware of that her sister-Slayer had a perfectly functioning mind of her own, hence she knew exactly what she was doing when she was doing it. And in spite of it all…Buffy couldn't help but feel that maybe she had robbed Faith of the only hope the Slayer had to cling to too soon…

"It wasn't yours either," Angel reminded her gently, wrapping one arm around her shoulders.

"Buffy, you cannot possibly feel responsible for her actions," Giles began, but was soon cut by the blonde Slayer.

"I don't blame myself, Giles," she looked him straight in the eye. "I'm a big girl. I know how the world works. I learned it the hard way myself," she muttered under her breath and the man didn't seem to pick it up, or simply preferred not to comment, since he had not much to say in his defense anyway, and doubted if he ever would. "It doesn't mean I can't wish for things to have been different."

"We all wish for things to have been different, Buffy," the Englishman remarked with a sigh, and removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose thoughtfully. "We do so, in fact, more times in our lives than we remember. It doesn't mean anything ever truly changes." He gazed up from the floor at the two lovers standing in front of him, and though the Slayer didn't bother looking at him as well, remaining wrapped in the arms of her boyfriend, her head resting on his chest, the vampire did meet his gaze. And Giles saw in his eyes that *he* knew exactly what he had been talking about. The Watcher sighed heavily. "Our new revelation, however, is much more powerful than we can even begin to assume," he spoke again, in his formal, down-to-business tone this time.

Buffy looked up. "What do you mean? Giles, I think it's pretty obv-"

"No, you don't understand," he dismissed her. The former Watcher then cleared his throat and sat down on a step, running a nervous hand through his hair and momentarily averting his eyes from the couple. "I'm not even talking about the fact you two saw Faith on your patrol…"

"You mean, that we saw Faith, with a bunch of the Mayor's vamps," Buffy corrected him dryly, "*and* she didn't seem too enthusiastic to slay."

The Englishman looked at her. "I'm talking about what this revelation merely confirms." He glanced over at Angel, then fixed his eyes on both of them. "A couple of days ago, an old friend of mine came to see me," he began.

"Someone I know?" the Slayer interrupted, not at all interested in the answer though.

"No one you know," the man shook his head. "He is a demon…"

"Nice circle of friends you got there, Giles," the blonde commented, somewhat sarcastically, "being a Watcher, and all."

"Will you *please* let me finish?" he threw her way one of his rare irritated looks, then glanced at Angel, as though for help.

"Fine," the Slayer grumbled softly.

"I made him a favor many years ago, and ever since, he claimed to be in my debt. He said, if I ever needed anything at all, all I had to do was to call him. Anyway, he's mostly harmless to us, he isn't an evil-to-the-core demon, he's a sorcerer, however, a very powerful one."

"Who you called because he owed you a favor…"

"Buffy," he glared at her sternly and she sighed. "I didn't call him. *He* came to me, he said he had information that he thought might be of interest to me." He looked at both her and Angel. "Your…love affair, as I should call it," he was obviously unsure of his choice of words, but continued his speech nevertheless, "is well known to the entire demonic population, not only within Sunnydale. Very few still don't know about the…close relationship between the Slayer and Angelus - the vampire with a soul. You both are a well-known scourge of the underworld. Many seek to destroy you…"

"Which is old news."

Giles groaned, but chose to ignore. "The mage is one of those. He came to me to tell me he was hired, by our beloved Mayor, no less, and his job was to get rid of Angel's soul."

"What?" Buffy subconsciously gripped the fabric of Angel's shirt, her eyes wide open in astonishment as she peered at her ex-Watcher. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, had a glimpse in his eyes of something Giles thought he had never seen before – genuine fear. And he, too, impulsively, hugged the Slayer closer to him.

"You see, luckily, he isn't only a man of his word, he is also a very honorable man. He isn't one to go around and wreak havoc merely because he can. If he does something, he *wants* to do it, whatever the reasons he may have. He sees no reason to harm Angel, and what's more, he has no reason at all to come out so openly against the Slayer. When he came to me, he said he had accepted the job, and was to be contacted by the Mayor concerning time and place where he should perform the ritual, but due to his debt, he was still leaving the final choice in my hands."

"What do you mean?" Angel hadn't said a word, so Buffy had to ask, but she was almost afraid to. "And can it…can it even be done? Whistler said his soul was permanent, how can they…how can they take it away from him?!" her voice, though composed, was verging hysteria.

"I honestly don't know," Giles replied thoughtfully. "I am quite certain though that the Mayor has no idea about the change made in Angel's curse. But whatever it is," the ex-Watcher preferred to stick to facts for the time being, "he told me I had time to decide until he was to be called. If I ask him not to perform the spell, he will turn the Mayor's offer down, and his debt to me would be fully repaid."

"So what are you waiting for?!" Buffy exclaimed. "Tell him! Tell him to call the whole thing off!"

"Giles," Angel spoke for the first time, his voice wavering and anxious. He was almost pleading, and genuinely scared. "I never…I never asked you for anything for myself," he looked helplessly at the man in front of him, "until now. I beg you, don't risk my soul."

The Watcher eyed him for a moment, then the Slayer, whose expression was similar to her lover's. "I can't tell him not to do it," he finally said.

Buffy almost choked on her breath that moment. "W-what?"

"I thought long and hard about it, Buffy…Angel. It all falls too much into place, especially after you told me everything about Faith. Now, even if before, I could somehow consider the option of collecting my debt this way, it isn't even an option anymore. The sorcerer was right pointing out he saw no apparent reason for this to be done to Angel, nothing that can be an important part of the Mayor's plan, anyway, regardless to how little about it we've learned by now. Lifting Angel's soul wasn't probably the Mayor's idea at all. It was Faith's, whatever reason's she may have." He made sure to have direct eye contact with the Slayer as he said it. "And if the Mayor is willing to go as far as calling upon such a powerful sorcerer to achieve that goal, pleasing Faith, for whatever reason, seems to be important to him."

"What are you saying?" Buffy asked carefully.

"Simply that," Giles made a gesture with his hand. "If one refuses to do it, another one would be called instead. It shouldn't take the Mayor too long to find someone else who *will* try to rid Angel of his soul and succeed."

"What are you suggesting we do, then?" the vampire was the one to ask the question this time.

The Englishman looked up at him. "I have come up with an idea, to be honest, but I…I'm suddenly not sure of it as I was before," he said honestly. He didn't see himself to ever be able to ask the vampire to go through with something like that.

"What idea?" Buffy wanted to know.

The former Watcher inhaled a deep breath. "I thought," he preferred looking at her than at Angel, "that…w-well, perhaps Angel could…perhaps he could…play his demon," he muttered the end, unable to look at either the Slayer or the vampire.

A complete silence settled on the three for a moment.

"You gotta be kidding me," finally, Buffy's voice sounded, loaded with utter disbelief.

"Buffy…" Giles tried at least somehow to repair the mistake he had already made. "What if making them think the spell had worked is the only way to…"

"To what?! What about Angel, have you thought about him?!" she turned to look at her boyfriend, who was suddenly looking completely lost. His dark eyes bore into the floor, and his hands, that were no longer around her, were stuck in the pockets of his long black coat. "Angel," she started gently, laying a hand on his arm, then swallowed hard, not knowing what she had thought she was going to say, because she was certainly at loss of words now.

Abruptly, he looked up at her, his eyes filled with a mixture of emotions she couldn't understand. "I need some air," he muttered, and next thing she knew, was gone from the library.

Buffy started after him, but was halted by Giles' voice.

"We have to talk about it," he reminded. "We have to decide what to do, it can hardly wait, you know that."

She rotated, sighing, seeing the truth in his words. "I can tell you straight ahead it isn't going to be done *your* way, or at least, not *this* way."

"I'm open for suggestions, then."

"Then suggest!" Buffy cried out, throwing her arms in the air. "How could you?! How could you even…*say* this?!"

"I had no choice-"

"You had a choice! Your choice was to *shut up*! Did you even think what it would do to people? What it would do to *me* seeing that side of him surface again?! And *screw* me! Did you think about what it would do to *him*?! One minute he practically begs you to not risk his soul, and the next, you offer him to *pretend* being soulless instead! What is wrong with you?!"

"I didn't see another way…"

"Wanna know what I *did* see?! I saw him, the moment he was lying in my arms after he had come back, I saw him for weeks-*months* afterwards, that's what I saw! Now, congratulations, because I think you're about to top that!" she strode off again, but was, again, stopped by Giles.

"Buffy!"

"What?!"

"You can't walk away from this, we need to find what to do-"

"See me walking!" she spat. "*You* go find what to do! With your permission, I'll go find Angel!"

******

Buffy entered the dark bedroom of the mansion, emitting a sigh of relief when her eyes rested on a familiar male form lying on the bed with his back facing her.

Se considered at first if maybe she should turn on the lights, or at least draw back the curtains to let the moonlight in, but eventually, changed her mind.

"Angel?" she whispered hesitantly. When no reply followed, she paced over to the bed and sat down next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "I know you're not asleep," she remarked, referring to his closed eyes. "I've been looking for you for hours, I think I've checked every possible hole in all of Sunnydale. I was here a few times, too. Where were you?"

He still didn't answer.

"Angel, we need to-"

"I don't wanna talk," he interrupted her. "I just wanna sleep."

She groaned. "Angel, look at me," she made him rotate on his other side so that he could see her now. "I'm not gonna let this happen," she stroked his cheek gently. "I won't let it happen. I said it to Giles, and I'm saying it to you…"

"Giles is right," he said quietly. "He was right when he suggested it."

"He was stupid."

Angel let out a short dry laugh and pulled the covers over his shoulder again, turning away from Buffy.

"Listen to me," she sighed, reaching for his hand under the comforter and not resting until she found it. "We'll find another way. I promise…"

"I can't do it," he hook his head obstinately. "I just…I can't…I can't pretend. I can't-" his voice cracked.

"Did you hear a word I was saying? I won't-"

"I didn't mean to," the vampire interrupted her, and the tone of his voice seemed strange to her ears in a sense, but she couldn't put her finger on why. At least not until she descried the tears running from the corners of his eyes.

"Angel…"

"I didn't know this would happen," he ignored her attempt to speak. "When I followed Darla into that alley, I didn't *know* I was signing a pact with the Devil. When I accepted her gift and committed that one sin, I didn't know my punishment for it would be remembering *every* *single* *sin* I have ever done!" he sharply turned around, nearly making her jump back with a start. "When Whistler introduced me to the new Slayer, I *didn't* know she was going to be the love of my life. And when I made love to her almost two years later, I *didn't know* that the simplicity of having her fall asleep in my arms would cause me such ultimate bliss it would rob me of the only thing that made me human! *I didn't know there was a clause in the curse!*" he cried.

Buffy sighed, fighting back threatening tears herself, if only just because of seeing her lover like that, and gently wrapped her arms around him, stroking his short brown hair as he buried his face in her chest. "I know," she whispered, closing her eyes. "I know everything."

"I'm sorry…" Angel sobbed, clinging to her like to a lifeline, "I'm sorry, I just can't…"

"I'm sorry, too," Buffy kissed his head, tightening her arms around him. "I won't let you do this, I will never make you do anything like that. I don't blame you for all these things, Angel," she pulled back, creating just enough distance between them both for her to be able to look him in the eyes. "I know everything, Angel," she whispered, brushing tears away from his eyes with her thumbs. "I love you so much. And I will never risk losing your soul…and I will never risk losing you." She sniffed, wiping her wet eyes with her palm. "We'll find another way, Angel, I promise you," she hugged him back to her, "I promise…"

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