Part 16

"Hey," Buffy lazily stretched her hand from under the comforter and tugged at Angel's shirt, by that making him snap out of his thoughts and turn all attention to her. "Good…four pm," she frowned at the clock next to the bed, taking in the time. "I'm turning into you. Now my night's a day, while my day's a night. Coming to think of it, that might actually come handy in nine months or so…" she then considered, "unless the baby will turn out like you, too…in which case, expect me to die a premature Slayer's death. I'll be the first to do such a thing, of course, but…"

The vampire offered a small smile. "Slept okay?"

"Like a rock," she yawned, pushing herself up on her elbows. "During which I kinda took over your bed," she observed, looking around.

Angel read her thoughts, "I-I didn't sleep…"

"You brooded," Buffy flashed him a knowing grin. "Had fun?"

He chuckled quietly, "Tremendous fun. I-I…need to talk to you."

"Ow," she moaned. "These words coming from you never mean anything good. Need to talk…*bad*. You mind if I get a little less cave-womanly first?" she desperately tried to smooth her disheveled hair back into place, but it didn't seem to collaborate. "You look fine," he observed typically, but didn't restrain himself from tucking loose lock behind her ear.

"Liar," she yawned again and climbed off the bed. "And I actually woke up with a surprisingly good mood today," she kept muttering on her way to the bathroom, "can we just say good-bye to that now?…"

Angel's eyes remained fixed on her back the entire time, until it disappeared behind the shut bathroom door.

* * * * * *

After five minutes she returned, still looking a bit sleepy, but together with that, a lot more refreshed.

"I used your toothbrush," she let him know, and at his look, "not *your* toothbrush. I opened a new one. I didn't wanna go to my room and get mine. That's okay?"

"Sure," he nodded.

"And since the only comb in sight was hair-gel icky, I had to *wash* it," she emphasized the word with slight annoyance in her tone. "And did I mention the complete lack of mirrors? Angel, your bathroom is impossible." Finally, she perched on the bed next to him, sitting eastern style. "What's up?"

Angel lifted his eyes from her belly to meet hers, then momentarily looked away again. "I spoke to Wesley last night," he began. "He…said some things that…"

"Got you worried? Come on, it's written in bold all over your face. What about, who's the baddie?"

"I'm…not sure we're talking about just one. He said that…he thinks…our baby will…that the baby is in danger. *Already* in danger. And so are you. You'll be hunted by-"

"Everyone alive? Not *alive* as a rule, actually," she considered after a beat. She wasn't intimidated at all by the news, as if she'd been almost expecting them. "And you needed Wesley to tell you that?"

He looked down, "Well…yeah…"

"Angel…*our* baby," she lifted his face back up. "You know, he and she who have enemies they don't necessarily know about, not necessarily in this dimension even? I pretty much figured that when Willow broke the big news. I'm not stupid, I know what's coming. And I bet the word's out on the streets already," she tilted her head pointedly.

"What? Buffy, we're the parents, and we barely know for twenty-four hours."

She lay a hand on his arm, taking a moment just to look him in the eye, to make her words sink in before she even uttered them. "Angel…whoever *needs* to know has eyes and ears *everywhere*. If Wes is right in saying this baby is good, which I'm tending to believe more and more is true, being yours and mine, this baby will grow up to be the scourge of the underworld. Believe me, these kinda stuff run in the family. From a scourgy mommy and a scourgy daddy, you get a scourgy baby. It's only a matter of time, if you consider seconds time, anyway, until everyone and every*thing* will be on our backs."

"And you're not worried? Not even a little bit?"

"Hell yeah, I'm worried. I'm *very* worried. But all in all, there's nothing I can do, and there's nothing *you* can do either. I never expected it to be easy going, you wanna tell me you did?"

"No," he looked down on her hand and covered it with his own. Without looking back up, he said, "I just don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want to put either of you in any unnecessary danger. As laughable as the term is in our case," he commented.

"I was gonna say that," she smirked. "But danger and I go way back. And I'm an old-fashioned gal. I say there's always room for improvement in a long lasting relationship. And besides…call it a wild guess, but…I'm pretty sure that whoever or *whatever* went through all the trouble to put the bun in the oven also thought of a way to make sure it'd stay there."

Angel smiled, his eyes following his thumb as it lightly brushed over the upside of her palm. "That's what Wesley said."

"Wes looks like he's finally outgrown the sixth grade after moving from Sunnydale," she remarked, briefly clasping his hand and standing up, heading to the window, "so you can take his word for it once in a while. Hey, why do I see Gunn parking your car?" she asked, drifting off to a completely different subject, as she made a little crack between the curtains to peek outside.

"I asked him to drive Willow home. I didn't want her to take a bus again and since driving her myself was never an option…"

"Cuz of the burst-into-flames factor," the Slayer inserted, securing the curtains again and backing away from the window. "Yeah, that," the vampire acknowledged. "I asked Gunn to drive her."

"She could have said bye," Buffy remarked, in a small, childlike voice. "She didn't want to wake you up," Angel said. "So she…asked me to tell you for her."

She smiled and waved her hand. "Never mind, anyway. I still need to talk to her about some stuff, I'll call her later today. And now spill."

Angel stared at her in surprise for several seconds as if not understanding what she was talking about. Buffy didn't say anything more, just held his gaze firmly, until he gave in, sighing. "It's Darla."

"Darla," she repeated the name to herself. "She tried to reach me…last night…apparently," he stressfully combed a hand through his dark hair. "W-when…last night?"

"I don't know. Wesley told me this morning. He said he didn't call me because he didn't think I could handle it at the time."

"Buy Wes a fruit-basket – check," Buffy noted, and at Angel's slightly hurt _expression, added softly, "He did the right thing." "That's not the point. She…she needed my help. I should have been there for her. I wasn't. He should have left that choice to me."

"And we all know where that would lead," she sighed.

"No, we don't," he murmured, a little edgily.

"You can't possibly know *what* she needed." Buffy sat next to him on the bed, taking his hands in hers and looking him in the eyes. "Up until a few days ago, that woman has been manipulating your mind who knows for how long..."

"You don't know that-"

"I *do* know that," she insisted, squeezing his hands. "It's you and your nature to help everyone that's going to, again, get you into an ocean of trouble, which of course, is entirely new and unexpected. I..." she took a deep breath, "I understand you feel obligated to help her of all people, you *want* her to need your help. But...these things don't always work on want. And even if they happen to...sometimes...maybe it's better to...ignore."

"It's…it's her soul, it-it must be," he pulled his hands out of Buffy's, also breaking eye contact. "She's feeling it, she-she's scared…"

"Darla with a soul. Darla scared," the Slayer mused dryly. "Should be interesting."

"She needs me," Angel continued from where he'd left off, as if entirely unaware of Buffy's misplaced wisecrack. "She knows I'm the only one who can understand…I should have been there. I failed her," he whispered.

The Slayer swallowed hard, all mockery gone from her voice. "Then why weren't you? Why didn't you do to her?" she asked quietly, hungry for the answer more than she could bring herself to recognize. "You've had hours to reach a decision, you could have gone even during the day, if you'd wanted to, we both know it."

"I wanted to…"

"So?"

His eyes briefly came across hers, flashing her a mute answer, then he looked down again.

* * * * * *

"She tried to contact him last night. I saw her. She doesn't know I did, but I saw her. She's slipping, it's…catching up with her."

"I imagine it is," Holland leaned back in his seat. "Though it is sooner than I expected."

The lawyer's apparent indifference didn't go unnoticed by Lindsey. Still, he couldn't allow himself to make his personal interest in the situation too perceptible. "It shouldn't be that way. She wasn't showing signs for months, how can it happen now? Besides the fact it endangers the entire operation," he maintained a business tone for the conversation.

Holland smiled. "Lindsey, there is no operation. You're missing the big picture here. Even if she still were in the state to affect him, she wouldn't be able to. *He* is not playing, hasn't been for some time, I thought you knew that. We're terminating her project. In fact, we were counting on her success in making contact last night, but…" he shrugged his shoulders. "I thought you'd be happy to hear these news," he remarked pointedly, when the _expression on the younger man's face hadn't changed.

"It's the Slayer."

"Of course, it's the Slayer," Holland answered straight away. "Who knows…if she hadn't come, we might have had him on board by now. But she did. Tell me, Lindsey," he stood up slowly and walked around his desk. "Do you know what happens when you enter a courtroom?" When the other lawyer didn't answer, he went on, in the same even voice, "No matter how well you prepare your case, when you enter a court, your chances are always fifty-fifty. Your chance of winning equals your chance of losing. You're a smart boy. You'll see that sooner or later, assuming you still don't. So what happens is…that you don't always win. And we, Lindsey, as unfortunate as it is…we lost. We, obviously, didn't fully realize what we were up against. You have to give that little Slayer of his some well deserved credit," he grinned, holding up his index finger. "We shouldn't have underestimated her."

"Her arrival buried our project," Lindsey remarked sternly.

Holland eyed him casually. "Lindsey, our *project* buried our project. We did it ourselves. Blaming the girl isn't going to diminish the irony. She was a worthy rival. I must say I admire that."

"Pushing them towards each other," the younger lawyer mused, "we shouldn't have taken advantage on that opportunity, we shouldn't have done it. It was too soon, it failed."

"Oh, no, I'd say it did quite well. *We* did quite well. We executed the prophecy in the scrolls." At Lindsey's thrown gaze, the elder man smiled, "You didn't hear? Our vampire and Slayer are the proud parents-to-be of a lovely baby boy. One who, once he's grown up, will pick up his parents' mission, hunt us down one by one, and our clients, and kill us all. And if it's not too much trouble, Lindsey, please make sure *these* scrolls stay in our possession for the time being," he grinned warmly, but his eyes spoke beyond the words.

Lindsey scowled at the remark, but didn't respond to it. "She's pregnant."

"Due in nine months from now," the other man approved.

"And we do nothing about it."

"Our *policy* is to do nothing about it. Once conceived, especially after we *helped* it to be conceived, we can hardly prevent the child from being born. We have other priorities right now than attempting the impossible. Now, on the other hand, *after* the child is born," he gestured with his hand, a glint in his eyes finishing the rest of the sentence.

"It doesn't concern you," Lindsey stated, obviously not liking at all Holland approach, to stand aside and watch.

"On the contrary, I'm concerned. The Senior Partners aren't going to be very happy when they hear about these recent developments. Still, I'm a man of perspective, Lindsey. Very unfortunate, but…sometimes you lose."

Lindsey nodded, still not pleased with that arrangement, but setting it aside for what was more important in his eyes. "What's going to happen to Darla? She's too far from his center off attention now."

"Well, she would be, wouldn't she?" Holland didn't appear surprised at all. "He will become a father, naturally, the center of his attention is the mother of his child and said child. Like I said, we did it ourselves."

"Then what are you planning to do with her?"

He smiled. "Don't worry, there'll be no need to smuggle her out of the country. We'll simply move on to plan B, let those crazy kids sort things out on their own for a change. I wouldn't worry about her too much, if I were you. You said it yourself, the Slayer is the center of his attention now."

Part 17

"You stayed…for me?" Buffy briefly glanced up at Angel, but he wasn't looking at her. His body language conveyed a part of him regretted having told her this, but it wasn't a revelation. A part of *her* regretted she had heard that. What was she supposed to tell him now, how was she supposed to behave? When she had come to LA, only a week ago or so, the mission she set for herself was to get Darla out of his head, make him the Angel he used to be again – bring him back to what was truly important; his friends, his mission, his life… She remembered that at a point she had even thought it couldn't be done, especially after the first time she had talked to him. Nothing seemed to exist for him but Darla. He literally wouldn't see anyone or anything else, renouncing everything and everyone. But now he hadn't gone to her. Because of *her*, he hadn't gone because of *her*…

"Isn't that what you wanted?" he quietly voiced her thoughts.

"I'm not sure," she admitted, both to him and to herself. And had she really wanted him to do it for *her*? Yes, as a woman, the selfish part of her did feel good inside, how could it not? But Buffy, the Slayer, who had years of practice to realize the couldn't be…that part was just scared.

"I-I couldn't go…"

"Why?"

"I couldn't…" he drew a deep breath, not knowing how to verbalize his thoughts without blurting out something he would never be able to take back and what worse, wouldn't want to. "I couldn't have you wake up and find out I went to…her," he ultimately settled for something in between, though inwardly he still wished he had been more careful. "Would that bother you?…" Buffy asked after a while. "What I'd think…if I found out?"

"Maybe," he whispered, not looking at her.

"This is too frustrating," she groaned, standing up and heading to the window, where she faced him with her back. Her eyes contemplated too much, they *revealed* too much, she didn't want him to see them, to see what was inside...

"I'm sorry," Angel murmured, and though he threw random glances at her, he couldn't bring himself to come closer.

"Maybe you needed…closure," Buffy found herself saying. "Maybe I was wrong, my…approach to everything was wrong. You should have gone to her," she abruptly spun around, facing him. "How can you put it behind you…ever, if I don't let you face it? You did it for me. You shouldn't have. You had to do it for you."

"I did it for me, too," Angel remarked after a long thought. "I…I couldn't leave. I watched you sleeping…all night, I sat and I…" he looked up, until he finally leveled his eyes with her, "I even thought I heard a second heartbeat," he said, knowing inside it didn't make sense. But it did…to him, somehow.

Buffy's eyes dropped to her stomach and she put her palms over it, "There is no heartbeat…yet," she whispered.

"I know. But I thought I heard it…I pretended I did." He swallowed, casting his gaze away from her. "I didn't want it to stop. I never felt this way before. I never even…thought I could."

"I know. But it…it can't come on the expense of-"

"It doesn't," Angel didn't let her finish, looking up at her again. "Last night, when I was watching you, I never…I never saw things more clearly. I have a mission, I-I see that. I understand that…again. But I can't do it for you. I can't fight for you."

Buffy felt a stab through her heart at these words, as softly as they had been uttered, but only blinked and nodded slightly, sustaining her gaze on the vampire. But Angel could still see far beyond her seemingly impassive shell. "I can't…because you don't let me, because I don't let myself. But I'm at terms with that. I have been for…a very long time. And then you came, and after all this time, I saw you again, and those old feelings came rushing back. And I suddenly felt like there hadn't really been two years since the last time I held you in my arms…and it was right. It seemed, even for just a moment, that everything that'd happened never had. Then it was gone again," he smiled slightly, taking a minute to rub the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, to conceal his eyes from her. "Everything that seemed right was wrong…again. Except for one thing," he straightened his back and looked at her, standing up. "This baby…my baby, he was the only thing that still was right. The one good thing, the *only* good thing I've ever done. And for him, or her…for this child, I will fight. And I'm gonna keep fighting. Because I love it…and I can."

The Slayer just held his gaze for a second, before her lips finally allowed themselves a tiny smile. She moved from the window and towards Angel. She gazed at him for another second, then rose on her tiptoes and, wrapping her arms around his neck, urged his head down to softly brush her lips against his. Then she drew back and leaned in, laying her head on his chest, as he closed his arms around her, exhaling a sigh. "I'm glad," Buffy murmured softly, abstractly stroking the tiny hair on the back of his neck with her fingertips. "I'm glad I can give you a reason…one way or another."

Angel closed his eyes, not saying anything. He just held her close.

* * * * * *

Lindsey walked into his apartment and quietly closed the door behind him. He put his briefcase down on the floor and combed his hand through his hair, exhaling a strained breath, as his eyes roamed about the dim room as though in search for someone.

Finally locating it, his gaze rested on the back of the woman standing by the window.

"You're too early," she observed softly, though her voice didn't give away the impression it genuinely mattered to her. Or maybe it did?…

Lindsey narrowed his eyes and proceeded towards her, until he made himself stop a few feet away. He wasn't sure whether she really wanted him so close or not. "I know," he said. "I left work early."

"Why?" she asked, again, that same mysterious indifference that is not. He swallowed. Then, avoiding the question he couldn't bring himself to answer anyway, changed the subject, "How are you?"

Darla smiled slightly, running her fingertips over the glass. "Funny."

"What is?"

"How I am…funny. I don't know how I am. I don't care. I seem to…care for so many things now, too many…but not how I am. But you do that for me, don't you?" she turned around.

He sighed. "Yeah."

"But you can't care for them…can you? You don't know how," she simply stated.

"I don't," he didn't argue. "He does," Darla smiled again. "He doesn't care about me though." She looked Lindsey in they eyes," Does he?"

He didn't say anything, just returned her gaze with equal vacancy.

The former vampire reached out for his plastic hand and carefully picked it up, bringing it up to her face and leaning her cheek into it. "Do you feel that?" she asked, her eyes closed.

"No," he still firmly kept his eyes on her now shut ones.

"You lie," she whispered softly, as her eyes flashed open. She let go of his hand and he pulled it back. "You're…human. They all lie."

"You're human."

She laughed. "Human…I'm not human…but no one can take it away from me."

"It?"

She put his plastic hand over her heart. "It."

"I can," he said softly, covering her hand with his real one, inside wondering if he was still the one saying the words. She made him vulnerable. He had never felt that way, he had been fighting it, but he lost, with her, regardless to how much he tried to remain locked up. She still opened him. He never opened her though.

"Like they took yours?" she asked, then smiled faintly. "Except that…they didn't. They only think they did...or maybe they don't think. You're not like them." She pulled her palm from under his hand drew back from him.

Lindsey was quiet for a moment, then spoke, more confidently, more firmly, "I can help you."

Darla shook her head. "*He* can help me. You can use me."

"I never-"

"But he doesn't even remember I exist," she finished, ignoring his attempt to protest. "No, he doesn't," Lindsey said, quickly regaining the natural unfeeling tone to his voice. While he had a chance to get back to himself, he'd do his best to seize it. "And he won't."

Darla looked up at him, a bit hurt by his words, but the little touch of pain in her eyes vanished before Lindsey could possibly distinguish it. "She took him…again. I'm not sure I care though," she frowned slightly. "It strangely doesn't…look so important now."

"What does look important?"

She shrugged. "Everything I can't get rid of. I can't go to him…"

"Go to him?" Lindsey echoed, his voice slightly tinted with alarm. Darla nodded. "To help me. I can't go to him…he won't help me."

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for breaking her the news. He had known all along he had to tell her, but he hadn't known how. He hadn't known a way that wouldn't hurt her, even though she seemed to not be able to feel *any* pain at all, or any other emotion for that matter. But a part of him still prompted him it was merely an outer shell. Took one to know one, he acknowledged with bitter irony.

"You know that he slept with her," he said, hearing his own words clearly, but unable to process he'd actually said them. Well, he could have certainly done better than *that*…

But she didn't appear to be moved by them in any sense. "I guess he did. You drove him to it, after all. He just had to…do it." She chuckled. "Must not be perfect happiness after all, ha?"

He sighed, unsure of just how it would hurt her if he answered *that* unspoken question. "She's pregnant."

Darla looked up, for a split second appearing almost affected by the news, but then it was gone. "Congratulations."

"You won't even ask me how?" he asked, puzzled by her reaction even though he'd all but predicted it.

She gazed at him strangely, "Does it really matter? She's pregnant. Congratulations…to them both. I don't care. He's not mine anymore. You know that, too. That's why you told me. You know you can't use me to get to him anymore," she grinned, and rotated with her back to him. "No one is going to use you," he put his hand on her arm and she didn't flinch. "I'm going to help you."

"Help me," she almost laughed. "I'd like to see that." she whirled back to him, reposing her palms on his chest. "How will you help me, Lindsey? You'll bring me back to life…again? Save me from a yet another…Hell?"

He brought his both hands to her face, and mildly smoothed back her blond hair, all the while maintaining eye contact. "I will," he promised.

Part 18

"Wow."

"Yeah…I was gonna say that. Wow."

"They took it pretty well," Buffy mentioned in Angel's ear, as the two were still expectantly watching Cordelia and Gunn. "So far, so good."

"So far," he stressed.

"How…h-how did you do that?" Cordelia started progressively coming out of the initial shock.

Buffy cleared her throat, casting her eyes to the floor.

"God, not that!" the brunette exclaimed. "That, I don't wanna know! *Ever*."

"We…don't know yet," Wesley replied to her real question. "We'll try to find out. I'll start looking, we all should start looking as soon as we can. Perhaps there is a prophecy of some kind that…foretells the arrival of this baby…"

"Why would anyone write a prophecy about a baby?"

"Cordelia, this baby wasn't supposed to exist, or be conceived in the first place," the Slayer answered her, talking slowly like to a five-year-old child and not a woman her age. "So I'm thinking there's gotta be some moldy scroll to explain it somewhere."

"I could hit the streets, see if the word's out already," Gunn suggested. "If this kid is as big a deal as you say it is, it's enough to get our hands on any demon and fill the blanks."

"Yes-"

"Are you sure you're really…" Cordelia interrupted Wesley, gesturing at the Slayer's stomach. "I-I mean, is it really…"

"I don't know if it's really," Buffy replied, glancing down on her flat abdomen. "I don't really know how *really* is supposed to feel like. Willow says it is, and I believe her…as crazy as it sounds. I guess we wouldn't know until…we know. Besides that…green demon guy said it's real," she shrugged. "Lorne says she's pregnant," Angel confirmed, having gone to see the Host together with the Slayer come sundown that same evening. Unfortunately, he couldn't tell them what they really wanted to know. He couldn't explain how the baby was conceived, or even if it truly was human or not. "He couldn't tell us anything more though. He basically ratified what Willow said…what we already knew."

"What'd you sing?" Cordelia grinned, jumping on the opportunity.

"*That* goes with me to the grave," Buffy smirked, the steely look in her eyes making it clear the former cheerleader wouldn't hear a word about it in this lifetime. "And if you breathe anything, I'll decapitate you myself," she warned the vampire sitting next to her.

"Oh, okay," the brunette beamed, nodding. "I'll just take it you two discovered another mutual talent aside from battling the forces of evil, or should I say…the lack of it."

The vampire and Slayer exchanged a quick slightly embarrassed look, but other than that, said nothing.

"To be honest, I don't know how to take the fact even Lorne couldn't see anything," Wesley observed thoughtfully, scratching his brow. "The only way I can take it is prolonged research mode," Buffy remarked, not appearing to be worried at all. "The big picture here is that Angel and I are gonna have a baby. If this Lorne guy can't tell us the full story, we'll just have to dig it up someplace else. Simply put," she shrugged, leaning back on the couch. The ex-Watcher eyed her for a moment and sighed. "I suppose. It isn't like we know what else to do. Gunn, you should…do what you wanted. You should go ask around, it's a good idea, you might find out something we won't find here."

"That would be *if* we find anything," Cordelia muttered quietly.

"Gone." Gunn stood up and headed to the entrance to the hotel, a second later, disappearing outside.

"I'm sure those of us who'll be looking *will* find something," Wesley replied to Cordelia's remark with slightly annoyed sarcasm in his voice.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, *I* could have a vision. It's far more efficient than your big old books."

"Then fine, have a vision!" he challenged, while on his way into the office to retrieve some books from it. Cordelia stuck her tongue out at him, but he pretended to overlook it.

"Okay," Buffy stood up from her seat. "I think I'll get gone, too, now."

"Where?" Angel's head snapped up in alarm though he remained sitting. "Out," the blonde obviously wasn't too clear with her answer.

"A-alone?"

"Angel, I don't need a body-guard twenty-four-seven, I can take care of myself. I just wanna go out. I feel like finding myself a good slay somewhere. I'm much more useful in that department than a research party, trust me. Stay here?" she asked, both with her eyes and her voice and Angel knew there was no point in arguing with her, not when her mind was really set on something, anyway. He even managed to kill off the little voice inside of him that insisted he should go with her. There was something in her eyes that confused him…it told him more than her words did. "Don't take too long," he requested softly.

She only smiled in return and exited the hotel.

* * * * * *

"Welcome back!" Lorne grinned at the Slayer as soon as he spotted her entering the Caritas. Buffy paused for a moment and inhaled a deep breath before making the rest of the way towards the bar, where he was sitting, waiting for her.

"Didn’t think you'd show," he remarked, then held out the glass in his hand. "Margarita?"

Buffy gave him a long look, trying to at least begin to interpret that person…demon, whatever he was and *why* he was whatever he was. "You've got a really weird sense of humor, anyone ever told you that?" "Once or twice, honey," he grinned, gulping from his drink. "What made you change your mind?"

"What about?"

"Just told you what about. The vibes I was getting…thought you were gonna stand me up. Pretty girl like you…wouldn't look good for my rep, you know."

She swallowed, offering a slight smile, unsure of how to behave next to that demon that seemed to know more about her than she did. Sure, she had doubts…exposing her soul to someone like that wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience, especially when singing was involved. But he had told her to return later, and without Angel, and though a part of her was scared, she had known she'd come. She needed to know whatever he had to tell her and didn't want Angel to know, for better or for worse.

"So where *did* you tell my favorite soulful vamp that you're going? Never thought he'd let you out of his sight."

"Slaying," Buffy said. "And he wouldn't have much of a choice once I get back home. Now, tell me?" she put a clear end to the small-talk part of the conversation. "What didn't you want Angel to know?"

Lorne beheld her for a long moment, and Buffy had an uneasy feeling his piercing red eyes were looking right through her, but she didn't find the strength in her to tell him to stop. "There's no birth in your future, darling," he said finally.

"What do you mean, no birth?"

"No birth," he said mysteriously, and somehow Buffy knew he was telling her everything he had read. The worst part, however, was what he *hadn't* read. And that was also the part she needed to know the most. "I'm going to lose it?" she almost didn't dare to ask.

"Didn't see that much, but I'm thinking not. Still…if I were you, I'd work on possible ways how there can be hello cruel world without the actual birth. I told you all I know."

"I'm not supposed to tell Angel?"

"You're supposed to do whatever you think you're supposed to do." He stood up, and put a hand on her shoulder, "My humble advice…think a while before telling daddy. He's not completely back on his feet yet. And even when he is, I don't think it's gonna be something that's gonna help him sleep the days off."

"Then why are you telling me?"

"Because you gotta be ready. Wait about seven months, then you're gonna know."

"Ready for what? What happens in seven months?" she asked, not completely sure she really wanted to be told that, now or ever.

The Host's answer banished that fear before it could take actual form. "That…I didn't see."

* * * * * *

"How is she doing?" Lindsey asked Holland, walking up behind the older lawyer.

"Quite dead," he answered, not moving his eyes from Darla, who was lying on Lindsey's bed and Drusilla, who was sitting next to her, whispering to her all sorts of things that even if he could hear wouldn't make any sense to him. "You know what would happen, if she weren't turned," he commented, feeling the younger man tense next to him.

Lindsey sighed, his eyes resting on the blonde woman. She would be a vampire when she woke up, the same merciless killer she had been for four hundred years before Angel had sent her to Hell. He couldn't help but wonder what he was going to lose by giving her a chance to 'life', even though he didn't exactly *have* anything to lose. "I know."

"What is it then?"

"What if that's not what she wanted?"

"I don't remember she was resisting…do you?" Holland turned to look at him, but Lindsey's eyes didn't leave Darla's still form. "If we let her *live*, she would die. Would you want that?"

He swallowed hard, not saying anything.

"So I thought," the elder man smiled, turning back to the two vampires. "Also, she would be much more useful to us as a vampire than as a dying human."

Lindsey chuckled. "She'll have us for breakfast as a vampire if we ever even *try* to use her. If Wolfram and Hart expect cooperation from Darla now, they'll have to march to her drums, not the other way around. She won't be used unless she wants to."

"We're counting on that," Holland nodded. "As a vampire, she'll keep Angel busy in ways she couldn't do as human. His intentions will be different now. Now, they're simply enemies. He'll have no choice but to hunt her down."

"If he does, he'll kill her," Lindsey did his best to keep an even tone to his voice throughout that sentence.

"Or she will kill him," Holland disapproved.

"That won't happen, even if the Slayer doesn't stay for that showdown. You know that."

"I don't know anything, Lindsey. I'm not a fortuneteller, I'm a lawyer. I deal with facts. Sometimes I make them up. The fact I see now is that I have two vampires. Whoever kills whomever first…I have absolutely no idea. From the moment she wakes up, we're out of the picture, our part in it is played out. Then, it's strictly between the two of them."

Lindsey didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, taking the time to reflect upon everything in his head. He couldn't help but wonder whether he'd made the right choice by having not turned to Angel for help, knowing what his boss was going to do. Then again, he knew Angel well enough to know he wouldn't turn Darla even in a million years, no matter what he tried to do to convince him. She would die… He smiled inwardly, the sad part was that he really had absolutely nothing to lose.

"There has been a new development in the translation of the Nyazian scrolls," he said, moving on to a different subject.

"Oh?" Holland looked up, interested.

"The new translation seems to contradict the old one"

"What does it say?"

"It says…there will be no birth."

"No birth?" Holland cocked a brow in surprise. "It puts us in an odd position, with two completely different prophecies on our hands. One of them says the child will be born and we can't prevent it and now the recent version insists there will be no birth?"

"There will be no birth. Only death," Lindsey quoted accurately the translator's words.

"Death of whom?"

"Doesn't say."

Part 19

"Hey," Cordelia glanced up from her laptop at the Slayer who had just entered the hotel. "Next time when you decide to take a walk, unless it's the middle of the day, do me a favor and let him go with you. My head is exploding from the visions as it is, I *don't* need anymore headaches, really."

Buffy sighed, smiling weakly at the brunette's comment. "Where's your boss?"

Cordelia left the laptop and leaned over to the Slayer across the counter. "I think he's asleep," she hissed in her ear, her tone reflecting complete disbelief. "Seriously," she drew back a little, but still kept her voice low, "Wes checked on him about an hour ago and he said he's out like a log! I can't believe I say this, but *thank God*! I mean, I get it he's a vampire, so that's not that big a deal for him, but he hasn't slept for like three days!"

"With everything that happened with Buffy *and* with Darla, no wonder Angel's been a little on edge these last few days," Wesley observed, as he joined the two women, coming down from the second floor.

"Still asleep?" Cordelia asked to make sure.

He nodded. "Seems that way."

"He took Darla being turned into a vampire pretty hard," the former cheerleader observed. "Of course, he would. Darla had everything he doesn't even dare to dream about, she was *human*, Cordelia." Wesley paused, to let the full meaning of his words sink in. He glanced at Buffy and her eyes shared his thoughts even before he spoke them out loud, she knew only too well what was going on in the vampire's head. "She was human, and she gave it all away. In Angel's eyes, she's got a chance at redemption, something he's been working so hard to earn for himself. She had a breathing, living body, a heartbeat…and she gave it up to become a vampire again. She had what he wants the most and she threw it away."

"Full brood mode again then," Cordelia observed with a nod, then rolled her eyes. "No matter *what* she is, she still drives him nuts. Give the man an annoying blonde at a time and it'll do the trick."

"I think you're on the pattern here, Cordy," the Slayer smirked. "Since you got the annoying part covered pretty well, just dye your hair blond and I can go home safely."

Before Cordelia could answer, Wesley interfered. "Speaking of home, Buffy, Willow called while you were gone."

"What'd she want?"

"She…" he scratched the back of his head, "well, she wouldn't say what it was, she just…said it was very urgent, just asked you to call her as soon as you came back."

"That's weird," Buffy frowned, reaching for the phone and dialing the number. After a few seconds, the other end of the line answered, but it wasn't Willow. "Tara?… - Umm…is Willow there?… - Do you know where she is?… - Okay, um…do you know what she wanted?" Wesley and Cordelia watched intently as her _expression was progressively dissolving from natural to apprehensive, almost terrified. "A-a…are you sure? God… - How is she?... - Okay. Okay, I'll be there. I'll be there soon. Bye, Tara." Buffy sniffed and averted her gaze, putting down the receiver. "What's wrong?" Wesley was the first to ask.

"M-my mom," she mumbled, still not looking at him. "S-she's in the hospital. H-her headaches, they're…more than just headaches." Her head shot up abruptly. "I have to go home."

"Yes…yes, of course, you should," the former Watcher put a hand on her arm. "You should be with your family."

"We'll…be good here," Cordelia confirmed softly. "We promise not to have a crisis. Y-you can…come back later. We'll have a crisis then."

"You guys will tell him I'm gone?" Buffy asked the two co-workers, thought the three of them knew it was more a request than a question.

"Shouldn't you better tell him yourself?" the brunette made a careful suggestion.

Buffy sighed, as her gaze wandered up the stairs to the second floor. "We were never really good with goodbyes."

* * * * * *

"Hello, Lindsey." Lindsey's eyes gradually moved from the floor to the front door of his apartment, where the voice came from. His _expression unchangeable, he just looked away again.

"You won't invite me in?" she asked, brushing her forefinger over the doorframe.

"You were made in this apartment, as far as I can recall, you don't need a verbal invitation."

Darla smiled and overstepped the threshold. "True. I thought you'd reverse it by now."

"And why would I do that?" he groaned, standing up and putting his glass of whiskey down on the counter.

The vampire flashed him another smile and emitting a soft sigh, sat down in an armchair, folding her long legs over each other and leaning back on the cushions. "How about because I could snap your neck right now before you even manage to cry for mercy," she mused.

"Please do," he retorted indifferently, leaning with his elbows on the counter behind him. Darla's smile faded and she just looked at him. "Your little rush with death is going to get you killed, Lindsey."

He let out a short dry laugh. "I think you forgot, just for a second, who I work for."

"True," she considered. "Did you find him?"

"Angelus?" She shrugged, apathetically tapping her fingertips on her thigh. "You know I did. We met a couple of times, one of which even included his beloved Slayer. He wasn't too happy to find out you're responsible for the new and improved me though. You're hardly his favorite person now."

The lawyer chuckled, "That happens to be mutual." He emptied the rest of his drink in a single gulp. "Why did you come here?"

"You're not happy to see me, Lindsey?" she quirked a brow.

His eyes stayed on hers, silently repeating the question from before.

"I thought I'd say goodbye," she answered. "You thought you'd let me know that you're leaving," Lindsey rephrased. "Outgrew LA so fast, Darla?"

A beam of longing played in the corners of her mouth as she sighed, "Paris…Venice, Rome…these are places you want to be in. I think I'll go pay them another visit. Haven't been to Europe for a little too long. I used to love it there, with Angelus, of course, we spent our best years there. But…we all know we don't always get what we want, do we Lindsey?" she looked him straight in the eye and the smile dissolved into nothingness. "Besides, I don't fancy the idea of seeing either him or his cheerleader again. I know that's not exactly how your bosses thought things would turn out, but…I rather to concentrate me energy elsewhere…if you don't mind."

"Figured as much," he grinned.

"You're disappointed?"

All traces of the grin were gone and impassiveness instantly took over. "Why would I be?"

Darla stood up from her seat and approached him, not tearing her eyes from his the entire time. As if driven by a force beyond his understanding, he made a step towards her and stood still, his body practically freezing inside as she put her hands on his shoulders, sliding them from there to his neck. Darla unwound Lindsey's already loose tie and tossed it to the floor, then unclasped the first few buttons of his shirt, and smoothed back the pale blue fabric, completely exposing his neck.

Lindsey drew in a deep shaky breath and brought his hands to her back, crushing her to him. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling dazed and weak in the knees, and released the air stored in his lungs. One of her hands clutched his shoulder while the other reached up to the back of his head, urging his neck down to her.

He let out a small moan when her fangs pierced his neck, it being the only reaction he managed. He was intoxicated. When she drank from him, he could barely acknowledge he was still alive.

Suddenly, Darla let go and pulled back, steadying him on his feet and surprising himself, Lindsey remained standing. She gazed at him, her face human again, and he returned her a gaze of utter confusion and mixed emotions, as he reached his hand to his still bleeding neck.

"Something to remember me by," she then said, and walked out of the apartment.

* * * * * *

The Slayer quietly shut the door behind her, and made the rest of the way to the vampire's bed, trying not to make a sound. Her bag was packed outside, she even called a cab to take her to the bus station, she had no idea what she was doing here now. Hadn't she said it herself…they were never good with goodbyes?...

He was prone on the bedspread, shirtless, his muscular arms pillow his head, and he was asleep, just like Wesley had told her he would be.

Buffy took a folded comforter from a chair and spread it over the sleeping vampire. She made a step back from the bed and wrapped her arms around her middle, just watching him. She gulped, sniffing back the tears welling up in her eyes then exhaled and bent down to plant a soft kiss on his brow. "Goodbye," she whispered, and hurried back to the door.

"Stay," she heard his voice just as her hand lay on the knob.

The Slayer pulled her hand back but didn't turn around. "I can't."

Angel threw the cover back and sat up. "I'm not asking you…forever. Just until sundown. Please."

"My mom," she sniffed back more tears, but several managed to get through and rolled down her cheeks. "She's sick, I always knew there was…I need to be there…I-I can't. I'm sorry…"

He stood up, walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders, crushing her back to him.

Buffy rotated in his arms and buried her face in his chest, tightly wrapping her arms around him. "I'm not coming back," she whispered as he was gently stroking her hair.

"I know," Angel replied after a moment. "Just stay with me…until sunset, it's just a couple of hours. I'll drive you back myself then. I promise. I-I…I know where you should be."

"Do you?" she smiled, pulling one hand from behind his back to wipe her tears. "I know where I should be…and still something always manages to drive me elsewhere."

He tightened his embrace around her, kissing her crown softly. "Jut until sundown. Please," he repeated his former request.

She held on to him for a minute, not saying anything, then she drew back, gazing up into his eyes. "Until sundown," she nodded. "Just until then."

Angel nodded, too, and took her hand, as he walked her back to the bed. He lay down, and so did she, fitting herself to the curves of his body behind her and resting her head on his outstretched arm and slipping her hand into his while his other hand rested on her abdomen.

"You can sometimes come, and see…us, if you want to," she said quietly.

"You know I will. You…you think it's a boy?" He chuckled, "I just...have this feeling, I don't really know why."

She smiled, looking down on his hand over her belly. "Could be." "Buffy-"

"Angel-"

They both allowed a small tense laugh, then she sighed and lay her palm over his. "No matter what happened…or is happening, or ever will…I love you."

He folded his stretched arm up and across her chest and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too."

Part 20 - Epilogue
seven months later.

"He looks…a little like Angel," Willow observed, breaking the tense silence in the Summers' living room, as she was intently watching the tiny baby in her arms. "He does…doesn't he?" she searched for approval in the eyes of everyone present.

Her lover supportively squeezed her shoulder and smiled down at her, but no one else gave signs of any response at all. "He'll have Buffy's eyes though."

Everyone turned to look at Dawn, who had just appeared in the entrance to the room.

"He-he has to," the girl mumbled humbly. The weight of everyone's eyes on her began to burden and she looked down to her feet.

"Dawn, you should be in bed," Tara observed softly, glancing at her midsection. "It's not-"

"I'm fine," Dawn winced a little, but aside from that didn't disclose any pain at all. "What's gonna be his name?" Anya quietly asked the question from her place next to Xander.

"Connor," Willow smiled down on the baby and planted a soft kiss on his brow. "I remember…Buffy told me once, that if it were a boy, they'd name him Connor. Angel picked that name, it's…Irish. It means 'wise'…I think."

"Nice choice," Xander remarked dryly. "The kid certainly is gonna have a lot to learn."

"You…you think he knows?" his fiancee brought up another childlike question, the subject clearly being something she didn't quite know how to discuss. "Because…babies know…"

The redhead witch looked down at Connor's small sleeping face. "I don't know. He looks so peaceful…like he doesn't know anything…"

"Someone has to call Angel," Giles said. Everyone silenced in the room at once. It was suddenly so quite it seemed they also ceased from breathing. Connor, intimidated by the drastic change in his surroundings, started to fuss in Willow's arms, but the witch rocked him back to sleep before he made a sound.

"And tell him what exactly?" Xander jumped up from the couch, startling Anya. "Congratulations, you have a son! But his mother is *dead* because *you* were the Hell knows where when you should have helped her fight! Well, good luck with that!" he spat angrily and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind him. That act alone was enough for the already restless baby to start crying. While Tara and Willow were trying their best to calm him down again, Anya quietly stood up and slipped out after her fiance.

"Let me have him," the former Watcher held out his hands and the witch passed the screaming baby over to him, at loss of what to do anymore. As soon as Giles hugged him to his chest and started rocking him, Connor silenced, only emitting quite sobs from time to time that eventually ceased completely, too.

"H-how did you do that?" Tara asked.

Giles sighed, removing his glasses with one hand, and gently patted Connor's back. "Sometimes…what they need is a father's presence…not necessarily t-the…mother's," he finished quietly.

"She didn't want to die," Willow said quietly, her eyes welling with tears. "I heard her…talking to Angel," Dawn spoke, still having not moved from the doorway. "The-" she swallowed, "the day after mom died, they were in her room and I…eavesdropped, kinda. She knew…she knew what was gonna happen. Somehow…she knew. And she told him that…even if anything happened to her…Connor would live."

"She knew what was coming," the Englishman mused, his eyes longingly gazing out the window. "She was warning him, as much as it's possible to…warn about something like that…"

"What was she doing there?!" Willow exclaimed painfully, as tears started down her face. "She was seven months pregnant, she wasn't supposed to- I can't believe we… If Angel knew-"

"But he didn't know," Xander cut in, as he reentered the living room, holding hands with Anya. "And he was unreachable. And it killed her."

To the observing eyes of everyone, the couple reoccupied their former place on the sofa.

"There is no use blaming Angel for it," Giles took the absent vampire's side. "I myself remember a dozen times when he tried to take Buffy away from here. He offered to take Dawn, too… *She* didn't let him."

"But she was pregnant!"

Tara put a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder. "She was p-pregnant…but she was the Slayer, too. She could…hold her own. And she did. S-she wanted to live…but she wanted Dawn to live, too."

All eyes slowly turned to Buffy's sister, but she soon whirled around and ran up the stairs.

"M-maybe I should…someone should go to her?" Tara started standing up.

"I don't think talking is what she needs at the moment," Giles protested, making the blonde witch sit back down. "Solitude can sometimes be a better cure for…grief. Especially when we can't even bury her," he mumbled, carefully shifting Connor on his shoulder as he sat down himself.

Everybody cast their eyes to the floor, their thoughts drifting back to that dreadful moment the day before, when they had all witnessed the Slayer jump from the tower into a portal of blinding white light. There she had vanished from their sight, had been swallowed in the light with no traces of her having ever been there at all. But as soon as the portal was closed and the light cleared, they saw a naked newborn baby lying crying on the ground where her body should have fallen. There was no other sign Buffy had ever even been there.

"I've never seen…someone being born that way," Anya commented. "Aside the fact it was premature…"

"Premature birth…premature death," Xander muttered in response. "We can…I'll try to…I'll bring her back," Willow whispered. "Willow-"

"Giles, a mystical force killed her, it wasn't a natural-"

"Enough!" The witch shuddered at his outburst and he lowered his voice. "I don't want to hear anything about that. Am I clear?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything. Inside she knew she wouldn't listen to him anyway. If there were the slightest chance to bring her best friend back to life, she'd grasp at every straw imaginable. If not for her, for Xander, for Giles and for Dawn, so at least for Angel, and for Connor. Being taken away from them like that was just too cruel.

"Maybe if they'd gotten back together, with her having his baby… If he'd had at least some authority over her, he'd have never let her stay here."

The redhead grinned sadly at her lover's comment. "Angel had no authority over Buffy even when they *were* together, unless she allowed him to. He's the only one of her two long-termed boyfriends who could actually live with the fact she wasn't one to be sheltered or told what to do unless she wanted to. And if she wanted to, she'd go to LA herself and stay under his care. She didn't let him get that close though. Having a baby isn't enough to bring two people together again…or together at all, not unless there's nothing else to hold them apart. Buffy and Angel never fitted that category though."

"Giles is right," Xander said, the former sarcasm gone from his voice. "Someone has to tell him. And…as much as I have a hundred reasons against and zero for, Connor has to be with his father."

"He'll be devastated," his childhood friend sighed, then looked up at him. "It'll destroy him. What if...maybe we should wait at least a few days?"

"Look, his reaction isn't going to change even if we do wait, which by the way, we can't. Whatever part Angel played in it, Connor is Buffy's son. If it were up to me, I would never give him away at all. But it's not up to me. He isn't even a day old and already has enemies, we can't protect him. Angel can."

"Xander has a point," Giles seconded the younger man. "We can't protect Connor. Angel will protect him with his life, if necessary, and though I want him to stay here too, I *don't* want him to die. His father can make sure that won't happen. Still, I…I don't know how we can possibly tell him something like that. It will be…devastating is an understatement."

"We're gonna have to give him that, too," Willow nodded towards the sealed white envelope on the table in front of her, labeled 'Angel' in Buffy's handwriting. "Maybe if he reads whatever's in it...maybe it'll help him..."

Xander checked his watch. "We have a couple of hours left until sundown. Last night, they mostly couldn't get in, but tonight they can burn down the place, for all I care. I say we better start thinking and we better do it fast."

* * * * * *

"A-are you sure about that?" Fred asked hesitantly, as the group walked into the garden of the Hyperion.

"Trust me," Cordelia promised, "Tacos everywhere. And soap!" "Yo, that portal jumping is a fun ride," Gunn observed thoughtfully. "We sell it to a theme park we could get paid." "Okay, can I say it?" Angel pushed his way through the others towards the glass doors connecting the garden with the lobby. "I wanna say it." "Say what?" Wesley asked from behind him, chuckling.

"There's no place like-" Angel's voice died away as he pushed the doors open and walked in.

"Willow?" Cordelia stepped up next to the vampire, just as the witch slowly rose to her feet, carefully cradling to her chest a little bundle wrapped up in blue blankets. At the redhead's _expression, all the smiles were gone within an instant.

"Willow?" Angel made a few steps in her direction, but she didn't move. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, I'm Fr-" but Cordelia restrained the other woman before she could finish the sentence, holding her back just as she cheerfully stretched out her hand. Signaling for Wesley and Gunn to follow, she pulled Fred away by the hand, leaving Angel and Willow alone in the lobby.

"What's…what's wrong?" the vampire was afraid to ask, subconsciously refusing to see what was already so obvious in Willow's eyes. "What happened?"

She swallowed and stepped forward, holding her arms out for Angel, revealing the small infant hidden inside all the blankets. "Connor," she softly whispered the baby's given name and let go, leaving him secure in his father's arms.

* * * * * *

"Angel,

I don't really know how to begin this…I guess 'hi' isn't gonna work, so…

When you're reading this, if you're reading this, it probably means I'm gone. Don't really know where I'm gone, so I can't tell you that much, but…gone as in not here.

It might look this way, but it isn't easy for me to write. I never wanted things to end this way, just like I'm sure you didn't. But hey, I never really got what I wanted, did I?

I'm going to tell you now something I haven't told anyone else, so nobody knows it but you. It might clear up a few things for you, even though I know it's probably the last thing you need right now.

You still remember the night you took me to see Lorne? Well, so you also remember he didn't tell us a lot that night, which you found weird. You were right. He told me to come back later, without you, and I did. When I did, later that night, he told me something you didn't know. He said there was no birth in my future. I didn't understand what he meant at first, but he had nothing else to tell me, just that in 7 months, I'd know.

And he was right. I did. It actually took me even less to realize our baby was never a part of me. That is…he was, just that I was here to bring him into this world, but unlike a real mother, I was never connected to him in life and death. If I died, Angel, he wouldn't. If I died…he lived in. That was what Lorne meant, my death would be his birth. There were no other ways, and there were no half ways, there was just one way – my life had to end, in order for his to begin. And Lorne said I had 7 months, and just as that time ran out, Dawn was kidnapped, and I knew she would be killed, if I didn't do something. The pieces of the puzzle suddenly started making a perfect sense. You see…I had to sacrifice you to save the world, I never forgave myself for that. Only 3 years later, I had to sacrifice myself. First it was your blood, then it was mine. And just like it was with you, I already know I would never get there in time to prevent that portal from being opened. That's why I'm writing this letter now, because both of us know that the only way for it to close will be to spill the same blood that opened it in the first place. My blood. Dawn's blood.

Don't blame her, Angel, please, it wasn't her fault. I already sacrificed one person I loved so much to save this sorry world, I could never sacrifice another. Most importantly, don't blame yourself. Never blame yourself. I wanted to live, I wanted to stay with you, for you…for Connor. I did, but…I couldn't. It wasn't meant to be and…I couldn't. And I'm very very sorry.

Since you're reading this letter, I guess you already have him with you by now. Could you...give him a kiss for me now? Raise him, Angel. Raise him and love him like he should be loved, guess I was never really meant to be a mother, after all. Ironic. Sorry…

You're on your own, I'm…sadly not expecting anyone from Sunnydale to give you a hand, at least not at first, though I trust Willow to be there for you if you need anything. But you have Wesley, and Gunn…I don't really know him, but he seems a good person. And I can't believe I say this, you even have Cordelia to help you. So raise him, Angel. Be the best father you can be, because I know you can be the best, and I know you'll do everything to give him the best possible life a child can have in a world like this. And when he grows up, just…tell him I loved him. Love,

Buffy."

Go to the next story Forever, My Love

Send feedback to Mariah

Back to the Fanfiction Archive