Rating: umm...I'm thinking along the lines of PG...in the meantime. Who knows what the future might bring:).

Disclaimer: nope, last time I checked, nothing was mine.

Spoilers: well...better safe than sorry: everything up to the end of season 3 can be spoilery.

Synopsis: I have a strange drive to rewrite season 3 of BtVS. I just don't seem to like the way it ended...beats me why. Anyway, so despite the fact that the original plan was to begin with "Helpless" (that's around the time everything really started getting screwed up B/A-wise), as you can see, plan's changed and I'm going to start with "Anne". If you expect to find in this series events/quotes from the original season....I seriously mean it - I'll try my hardest keeping them to the very minimum. But all in all - it's probably a yet another attempt to end the season on a more "positive" B/A level. See how it goes:).

Pairing: the conventional ships: B/A, W/O, C/X. If I decide to torture any/all of them, you'll be the first to know:).

Distribution: ask first.

Feedback: please, yes, please.

****

They whisper words into my ears
One speaks of truth
And one speaks of my fears
My disabilities don't get in my way
I look to the future
And live day to day - Vast - "Three Doors"

****

Buffy inhaled a deep breath to calm her nerves, and though still unsure, hesitantly knocked on Giles door. She had come here determined to do the deed, or rather, she had been determined on her way over, but now…now, she was fighting an inner urge to run for her life. She needed answers, she needed advises and she needed an intelligent opinion. And all of the above, she knew she would find in Giles. Sure, she had already told her mother some things, thinking back about it, a lot more than she should have, but it was as good as nothing. There were things, too many to count, she could discuss with her Watcher alone. No one else could help. Not that anyone else would help, Buffy knew that. Her worst fear right now was that even Giles might deny her. She knew he was still hurting, that in a sense, the wound that was Jenny Calendar was still bleeding. What if he still held Angel responsible?

"Hey," a voice tore into her musing. A voice she wasn't familiar with.

The blonde gazed up from the ground into the face of the voice's owner. It was a girl her age, with dark hair and eyes. She was leaning against the door frame, her arms expectantly folded on her chest, her mien bored, but also a bit irritated, as if Buffy had interrupted something she had been doing. She was wearing black high-heeled boots, black leather pants and white top, with black leather jacket.

The Slayer frowned at the girl before her. "Who are you?" she asked.

"Who're *you*?" she was asked back. "Kinda late for visitors, don't you think?"

"Faith, who is…" Giles' voice emanated from inside the apartment, and faded off when he recognized his Slayer. "Buffy."

Faith grinned. "So this is the famous Buffy no one here can shut up about," her eyes traveled over the blonde Slayer, checking her from head to toe. "And I here thought I'd never get the honor. When'd you come back?"

"Faith, let her in," Giles told her, and she made one step back to let Buffy enter.

The blonde carefully eyed the brunette, and slowly made her way into Giles' apartment.

"Who is she?" she asked her Watcher.

"*She* can talk for herself," Faith replied instead, shutting the door and walking over to Buffy.

"She…well," Giles stuttered, "actually, Faith…well, she's the Slayer," he eyed Buffy for several moments, trying to predict her response.

"A Slayer?!" she couldn't believe her ears. "What Slayer? Another one?"

"Gotta problem with that?" Faith challenged. "At least one of us is here to do her job, since the other's cruising the world."

Buffy shot the brunette a killer glare, which didn't really impress the other Slayer, deciding she already didn't like her, but Giles' voice was soon to draw her attention away from Faith. "She's Kendra's replacement…I believe," he explained. "She came to town about a week ago, her…her Watcher died, so now I…"

"You're her Watcher?" the blonde inquired quietly, feeling a rising jealousy inside, her orbs reflecting disappointment, which Giles descried at once.

"Of course, not," he promised. "However, she is under my responsibility until…another Watcher is assigned," he grinned weakly. "So good to see you," he remarked, completely changing the subject. "I was worried about you, when you…"

"I'm sorry," Buffy voiced softly, thinking back to the morning in discussion, when he, Xander and Willow had first come to see her after she had come back. It had happened three days ago, and they hadn't seen each other the entire time. "I just couldn't stand being there any longer, I…I had to get out," she faltered, uncomfortably casting her eyes to the floor.

"I understand," Giles interrupted her, "you don't need to explain anything like that to me, unless…" he shifted uncomfortably in his place and momentarily averted his gaze, "unless, of course, you're…" he gestured at her with his hand, "ready to."

"But that's why I'm here," the blonde whispered, struggling to appear confident, indicating with her eyes he had some listening ahead.

"I see," the Watcher nodded, then turned to the brunette Slayer. "Faith. Would you leave us alone, please?"

She raised a brow. It certainly was the last thing she had expected to hear. "Weren't we kinda in the middle of something?"

But Giles' mind had already been set. "We were in the middle of you reporting about tonight's patrol. If there was nothing significant, I presume we can continue tomorrow from where we left off," he suggested calmly.

Faith groaned. "Fine," she threw her hands in the air, rising from the couch. "Catch you later, B.," she slapped the blonde's back on her way out. "Gotta get to know the legend."

"So. That's the new Slayer," Buffy observed after Faith had left.

"Yes, she is rather…unique," Giles hesitantly agreed.

"She's trouble," Buffy stated hastily. "I know it when I see it."

Her Watcher eyed her carefully. "Well, she is…rebellious, but…"

"I don't like her," the Slayer shook her head resolutely. "And I don't like the fact she's taking my place."

"She's not…" the Englishman sighed, realizing her point. "It was empty," he whispered ruefully.

Buffy held her gaze on him for a long moment, then nodded. "I think I'll be going now," she said, and revolved to the door.

"Buffy, no," his voice halted her. Giles approached her and gently reposed a comforting hand on her arm. "Please, stay. Tell me everything," he prompted, guiding her to the couch.

"Sure you wouldn't rather hearing about Faith's exciting patrol?" the Slayer inquired, her voice resembling a hurt little girl's.

Giles smiled. Her demeanor reminded him of the old Buffy. "Nobody is taking your place," he promised her.

Buffy sighed, and peered at him for a long moment, abruptly unsure whether she should carry on with what she had planned. But apparently, some things weren't yielded to her rational side, because as much as she would fight against it…it needed be done.

"It's about Angel," she whispered, unable to look Giles directly in the eyes, refusing to maybe face the antipathy in them.

Naturally, the calm tone of his voice took her by surprise. "I imagined so."

"I understand it, if…if you don't want to talk about him," she bit her lip. "His demon did…"

"His demon," Giles emphasized. He sighed, and removed his glasses, putting them aside and concentrating on his Slayer. The vacuity and woe in her glazed orbs tore him. They almost begged him not to condemn Angel. He wasn't even able to bring himself to imagine what she must have been going through all these months. "He was wearing his face, Buffy, in an aspect…you can hardly blame me for being unable to let go. Even if deep inside I *knew* the difference, it was hard when…"

"I know," she whispered, offering him a rueful smile.

"I know you do," he returned her an equal grin. "And I you loved…love him," the Watcher smiled feebly, "it's apparent. Neither one of you had ever tried to hide it, and…I think that, even as a demon, a part of him, deep inside, his soul…still loved you too. Regardless to everything he did," he paused. "It wasn't Angel's fault."

A tear trickled down Buffy's cheek as she was beholding her Watcher. She knew how much it must have taken him to utter these misleadingly simple words. She also knew he had only done it for her. It would take *him* much longer to let go of the inevitable comparison. It was beyond his abilities to fight it, just like it was beyond her abilities to stop loving the angel that wore the face of a murderer.

They had one thing in common though. Grief. And as painful as it was, Giles understood that for the time being, his feelings should be put aside to respect the memory of the ensouled vampire in the Slayer's heart. Coming to terms with that Angel was the victim rather than the killer, even a greater victim than all of them together, was a goal he still had to accomplish. His head knew that, but his heart still had a long way to go. And still, what was important at the moment was Buffy.

"I need to ask you…" she faltered, unsure of how to put her intentions into words.

"Ask me what?" he probed her gently.

Buffy took a deep breath, summoning strength for the upcoming. "Can he ever come back?" she asked the climacteric question, her eyes reflecting hope. "I mean...is there even a chance? The slightest chance to...to bring him back?"

Giles' eyes widened in astonishment. He was evidently caught off guard. He grabbed his glasses from the table in front of him and began intensely polishing the lenses. What on earth would make her to even contemplate the possibility? Assuming, of course, it was possible…which it couldn't be. "You mean, f-from demon's dimension?" he still inwardly hoped he had understood her wrong.

"Hell," she shivered at the word, clutching her fists. "From Hell."

"Yes, it…it's also called demon's dimension," the Englishman explained. "I understand what you mean, I-I could consult the books, if you want, b-but… I honestly don't think…"

"What if I told you it *was* true?" she interrupted him.

Giles frowned. "W-what do you mean?"

The Slayer sighed. "Whistler came to see me."

"Who would be?…" her Watcher prompted her to go on.

"A demon. A good demon," she hurried to add. "He had first come to me before," she paused, blinking back tears, "before I had to…"

"I understand," Giles held up his hand, not wanting her to go on. "So that demon…"

"Whistler."

"Whistler, yes," the Watcher nodded. "What exactly did he say?"

"He told me he made a deal with the Powers that Be…"

"The Powers that Be?" Giles inquired in disbelief. "I don't even sure if they exist."

"Seems like they do," Buffy shrugged, not at all willing to go there, "whatever they are. Giles, could we please get back to the point?"

"Yes," he put his glasses, which he seemed to have completely forgotten about by now, back on the bridge of his nose, "yes, of course."

Buffy nodded, swallowing hard. "He came to see me, when I was still in LA, and told me he made that deal. He didn't get into details, other than we better not screw it up." She glanced at the Watcher to see if he was listening then looked back down on her restive hands.

"Which means, he had a some sort of agreement with them before," Giles suggested.

"I guess," Buffy shrugged. Obviously, it, wasn't the most pressing matter at the moment for her. "He told me that in order to make it possible for Angel to return, I have to forgive him."

"Forgive him?" Giles quirked a brow at first, then it suddenly hit him. "But he's not…"

Buffy nodded. "I thought I loved him, that I loved him so much," she whispered in a small voice, before a sob escaped her lips. "And I can't even forgive him."

Giles reached for her, gently grabbing her shoulders. "Good God, Buffy, it has nothing to do with it!" he asserted. "Buffy, I myself could once perhaps classify what you had as a fleeting infatuation, but…" he drew back, somewhat awkwardly, "it's something that survived Angelus; what he turned into, what he did…that lived through Hell."

She eyed him desperately. A part of her didn't know how to respond to him uttering these words, while the other part didn't know what to think at all.

"I think you…you misunderstood him," Giles voiced.

"How?" she asked hoarsely.

"Perhaps he didn't mean Angel at all," Giles offered, "perhaps he didn't even mean *now*."

"Not now?" the Slayer didn't understand.

"Forgiveness, Buffy, is a process," he mused, "a process that takes time and patience." He smiled encouragingly, reminiscing of Jenny again. "In order to forgive him, you have to first accept him the way he is."

****

Buffy silently made her way through the murky halls of the mansion, until she reached her destination. The enormous room was lit by nothing but the fair moonlight, casting odd shadows on the gray stony walls and dusty floor. She let her eyes wander over the room, wrapping her arms around herself, shielding her body from a non-existing cold. That room held within it her most painful, and most horrible memories, and she couldn't fight the anguish that was consuming her, nor the tears cascading down her face, even if she bothered to try.

Her eyes subconsciously fell on the spot where Acathla had been standing many months ago, and her memory replayed the images of her most appalling betrayal. Angel's face flashed before her eyes and she squeezed them shut against these recollections. When she opened them, the room was empty once again. No Acathla, no Angel. Only his voice still remained, helplessly whispering her name.

She kneeled down on the frozen stone and slowly, almost reluctantly, unclasped the chain around her neck. Buffy slid the ring from it and returned the chain to its former place.

She sighed, and moistened her dry lips, her watery eyes studying the Claddagh ring on the palm of her hand as if she was seeing it for the first time. Then she carefully neared it to her lips, and tenderly brushed them against the tiny heart in a ghostly kiss.

"I love you," she whispered into space, gently reposing the ring on the mansion's floor. "No matter what. Always," she added after a pause, then wiped the almost dried tears from her face, and headed out of the mansion.

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