Disclaimer: nothing is mine.
Rating: like the show...used to be.
Pairing: Buffy/Angel
Spoilers: everything up to "Forever", BtVS, season 5(including the ep). Not hat something is here, but...just to be sure.
Synopsis: a very short fic I just needed to write, cuz it was bugging me all through last night. I only then realized how much that scene was really *missing* in forever.
Feedback: please do:).

Buffy pressed on the handle and opened the door to her bedroom, slowly, as if she were a child afraid of the empty dark room. She suddenly stopped, and with her hand still on the knob, turned around, until her eyes rested on the shut door of what used to be her mother's bedroom.

"Mommy," escaped her lips involuntarily, in a small lost voice, as she vacantly stared at the closed door, but before she allowed that one brief moment of weakness to overtake her as it should have, she shook it off of her, pushing it back into the darkest corner of her mind, somewhere with the rest of the emotions she had forgotten how to feel. The Slayer sharply tore her gaze from the door and finally entered her own bedroom, swiftly shutting the door behind her, and slumped her back against it. She closed her eyes and inhaled, inwardly counting down from three before she allowed herself to open them a gain and look around.

"Willow."

The redhead's sympathetic eyes were intently gazing at her from her place on the Slayer's bed. She was about to say something, but Buffy cut her short. "What are you doing here? Where's…where's Dawn? Is she-"

"She's okay," Willow held up her hand reassuringly and stood up. "She's in our dorm, I left her with Tara, I…I thought I should come here to check on you." She examined her friend with her gaze for a long moment before speaking again. "How're you holding up?"

She wasn't going to break. In front of any of them…not yet, not now. It was a luxury she couldn't afford. If only he hadn't had to leave… "I'm fine," the Slayer exhaled, reoccupied Willow's former place on her bed and silently began taking off her boots.

The witch nodded in obvious defeat. "It's almost sunrise… "

"I have a clock right here by my bed, Will."

"I-I know that, I was just…I meant…where have you been? I've been waiting for over two hours…"

"Outside," followed her curt reply "In the cemetery."

"By yourself?" her friend probed gently.

"By my very self. Will, I…thanks for coming, and thanks for waiting for me, it's just…"

"You wanna be alone," the witch guessed.

"I do," the Slayer acknowledged with a faint nod. "Please. Right now…I'm just tired."

Willow sighed, "I only wanted to see how you were." She approached her friend and leaned in to capture her in a hug she weakly returned. "You know where I am," she whispered in her ear before pulling back.

"I know," Buffy replied, so quietly it seemed as if it were aimed more to herself than to Willow. But then she looked up at the retreating back of her best friend and spoke louder, "Thanks."

Willow flashed her a weak smile and closed the door behind her.

After several moments flew by in complete deathly silence, the Slayer finally stirred, detaching herself from her thoughts, as though awaking back to life. Her eyes roamed about the murky bedroom and she sighed heavily, then reached for Mr. Gordo from a nearby nightstand and tightly clasped the stuffed animal to her chest, as she tiredly lowered her body on the bedcover.

Her lids twitch a little, before finally giving in and descending over her dry eyes, sore from the everlasting blank stares at the wall ahead , but as soon as they closed, Buffy opened them again and swallowed hard, as her heart started quickening intuitively.

"I thought you left," she whispered, without turning her gaze to the open window behind her.

"I couldn't," followed an almost instant reply, in Angel's so familiar voice.

Buffy nodded to herself. "So you better go now. It'll be sunrise before you know it and somehow I don't picture you driving all the way to LA in broad daylight."

"I'm not going to," he said, but didn't move an inch from w here he was sitting on the windowsill. "I'm not leaving."

"You're not?" traces of almost genuine interest appeared suddenly in her voice, but she still wasn't ready to turn on her other side and face him, she only tightened her embrace around the small pink pig in her arms.

"Not yet," he said, shuttering hopes in her she hadn't realized she had…until now. "I'm needed here. And I promised you that I'd stay…I'll stay as long as I'm needed…as long as you want me to. I'll stay."

"But not forever," she observed, tender bitterness coloring her muffled voice.

"No. Not forever."

After a beat, the vampire finally stood up, secured the blinds on the window and drew the curtains together for the upcoming day. Then he sat down on the foot of the bed and kicked off his boots, and without even removing his coat, lay down behind her and snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her over and crushing her body against his wide chest.

The Slayer let go of the pig, rolled over on her stomach and rested her head on his unbeating heart, winding her arms around his middle. "How long is not forever?" she felt she needed to ask even though it didn't really seem that important at the moment. "You think it can be long enough to last a day?"

"It can."

"Thank you," she whispered. "It means…a lot."

Angel gently brushed his lips over her crown. "Go to sleep now." He didn't know what else he could possibly say, what he could say *at all*. He only hoped he would be able to find some sanity, some clarity still buried deep inside of him, that he would be able to help her somehow…in spite of not even being able to help himself.

"Angel," Buffy looked up at him and wetted her lips, "about what happened tonight…at the graveyard…"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted her, clearly taking what she meant to say the wrong way. "I'm sorry it did, and I promise it never will again."

"That's not what I meant," the blonde shook her head slightly.

"What did you mean?"

She inhaled a deep breath, and looked up, searching for his brown orbs in the dark until their eyes locked and she could again see into his soul. "I know you can't stay," she reached a hand for his face and gently cupped his cheek. "I understand that…and I will never ask you to stay again."

"Buffy…"

"No, wait," she put a finger to his lips and resumed what she was saying, "A part of me will always want you here. Remember…remember what I told you in the cemetery, that I can't be the strong one all the time?"

Angel nodded, but didn't say anything this time.

Buffy returned him a nod, "Now…more than ever, especially with mom's gone, I'm gonna need someone to rely on, someone to hold *me* while I need to hold everyone else, and that has always been you." She paused, as if to think over what she was about to say next, and whether she should. "But maybe…maybe that's not what I need right now, maybe…maybe even now, what I need is to be alone. I can't expect you to…to turn up every time I need you, even though you do, and to hold me through what I need you to hold me through when you have -" she stopped again in mid sentence, unsure of how to go on, just studying the sudden change and understanding in his deep brown eyes.

"You don't expect me to," the vampire assured softly, acknowledging the fact she already knew everything there was to know about him that he had planned on never telling her. "I'm here because I *want* to, because this where I want to be right now."

"And because I need you," she added. "And *you* need you, and you need me, too, and…I can't be there for you right now, because right now …I can't be there for both of us…and you can't either. I can still read you, Angel . No matter how long…I can still read you. So maybe…maybe the time isn't right for us now, too. Maybe it won't be for a very long time. Both of us have things to work through, and both of us have their own lives to lead and…things changed, and they'll continue changing and…there's nothing we can do. There's never anything we can do. And…you're gonna go through things without me, and I'm gonna do the same without you. And people will come in to our lives, and people will come out, and…it won't happen tomorrow, or the day after, or next week, and it can even take years, but…" her lips curved up in the faintness resemblance to a smile and her palm gently stroked over his cheek. "After everything that'll happen, I know that one day, I'll be lying right here on this bed, like I always do, still waiting for you. And I'll be looking at this window," her eyes briefly left his and wandered in said direction before she continued, "and you'll climb through it into this room, like you did for the first time all those years ago. And you'll lie here next to me, and you'll hold me…and it'll be okay," she swallowed, her faint grin becoming a little more alive, as though coming to reassure both of them. "And it'll be forever. And then…our time will come, too."

Angel peered at her for a long moment, his expression almost unchangeable as he was thoughtfully studying her with his tender gaze.

Finally, he sighed, and planted a soft kiss on her brow, laying her head back down on his chest and securing his arms around her. "Until then," he whispered.

"Until then", she replied softly, and closed her eyes.

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