Part 5

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" Angel asked, his fingertips mildly caressing her arm that was sprawled across his chest, where her head lay. When Buffy didn't answer, he tried again, knowing food was probably the last topic he should bring up but for some reason he couldn't understand, having nothing else to say. "I could bring you something...anything, anything you want. I-if we don't have it here, I could send Wes to get it, or if he went home, Cordy is here, she's watching over-" he swallowed, not knowing if he should bring *that* up. "I could send Cordelia..."

Buffy halted his flow of speech when she brought her hand up and gently laid it over his mouth, not even needing to lift her head from his chest, or look up at him, to do that. When he stopped talking, she drew her palm back and reposed it by her face, not saying a word herself.

"You don't want to...maybe...you want to...talk?" Angel attempted another approach. Clearly *not* talking wasn't something he was able to endure for a too long period of time. Suddenly simply holding her in his arms wasn't enough anymore. Now he wanted the whole package. Not being able to hear her voice disturbed him more than he thought it could, or would, he just wanted her too say something...anything, to give him some other sign than merely her breathing and heartbeat to that she was alive. Buffy sighed. Did she want to talk? She knew exactly what he wanted to *talk* about, he didn't even need to call it by its name. Did she want to tell him the truth? Was it necessary?... And did she have a choice? Could she ever *not* tell him the truth...a man who would find out any secret she would try to hide just by looking into her eyes? "I don't know," she said.

The vampire felt her heartbeat accelerate against his still chest and sighed. Did he ever need her to tell him at all? "It was...good," he spoke the words for her.

The Slayer nodded slightly into his chest, tightening her hold on him.

"I'm sorry," he managed, though nothing seemed to have ever hurt him more than the simple act of uttering these two small words. What they meant he could never accept, wasn't ready to accept, *couldn't* accept. But it was honest.

Buffy didn't say anything. Her ears perceived the inaudible edge in his voice as he apologized and she knew just how hard it was for him to say that. She also knew why he had said that. But the hardest part was knowing how painfully true it was. "Don't be," she asked softly, brushing her palm up and down his muscular arm. "You lost weight," she observed, moving on to a different subject, for the sake of them both, though knowing the entire time they wouldn't be able to leave *that* subject undiscussed for too long.

"Yeah," he breathed, cooperating reluctantly. "That's not all I lost."

Buffy looked up, only to find tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. She raised her hand and put it on his cheek, turning it a bit to level their eyes. "It's over..."

"No," he shook his head, smiling ruefully, brushing his index finger down her cheek, "it's not over. It's just started. And it's about to only get worse."

"What?" she pushed herself up from his chest, confusion allover her face.

"Because...I don't know who did this, I don't even know what they did...but it was without your permission and...they ripped you from a place you didn't want to leave." He paused, the selfish part of him no longer able to stand the lack of physical contact between them and he reached for her hand, picking it up and lacing her fingers with his. "You didn't want to leave. You don't have to say this...your eyes do."

Buffy bit her lip, looking down from him. "No...I didn't."

Angel but barely managed to hold back the shudder that accompanied the stab of pain through his heart.

"But I remember I didn't want to be there in the first place," the Slayer continued, and waited until he looked at her before proceeding further. "We all...dream about a better place sometimes, Angel. Very few of us ever get to have a peek at it. I did...but then something pulled me back out. And I wound up here again."

"You did," he whispered. "And I'm sorry."

"You...don't want me here?" she looked down on their laced fingers.

And he had thought the hardest part was behind him. What a joke. "No," he uttered. "I don't have the right to...I *can't*, if it results in you spending the rest of your...life, wishing to come back."

"I can jump off a cliff right now," she reminded him softly, but there was certain coldness mixed with that softness only Angel would be able to recognize.

"Stop," he released her hand and was about to get up from the bed, but she pulled him back by the arm. He stiffened, but didn't turn around, not even after she let go.

"It was...peaceful," she said, and smiled weakly to the memory.

Angel closed his eyes, letting out a sigh he had been holding in for far too long, even for his lungs.

"Please," Buffy touched his arm again, and he knew what she wanted him to do. Swallowing hard, he whirled around and pulled her to him. He lay back down, with her in his arms, and she secured hers around him once again, covetously relishing the refreshing coolness of his embrace that somehow always felt like home.

"I remember," she resumed, when she again felt his hand so naturally and gently stroking her back. "I remember I...jumped, and my only thought was you...and Connor. I...held on to him," she subconsciously sent her hand to her flat abdomen, "just to feel him, because I knew I would never feel him again. And suddenly there was nothing. All I could see was this white light, and for a moment, for only a moment, there was pain. And then there was peace. Just..peace, it felt like I...plunged into a dream. There was no more pain, no more fear, no more worry, no more death...just peace. Nothing hurt anymore...it was a place where nothing could ever hurt me." The vampire tightened him embrace around her small body and she smiled. "It felt exactly like...when I'm lying wrapped in your arms."

Angel couldn't help the smile it brought to his lips, and he knew she knew that. He neared his lips to her blond crown and brushed it with a kiss.

"Remember...I told you, years ago, that when you kissed me, I wanted to die?" Instead of supplying a verbal answer, he simply kissed her head again.

"Then you should know," she paused, to lightly brush her lips over his bare chest. "When you hold me in your arms...this is Heaven. And you're right. I never want to leave it. No matter what...never."

* * * * * *

When Cordelia returned to the lobby, there was nobody there, not even Wesley. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, not really knowing how to take the general absence of her co-worker, boss and the newly revived Slayer. Too much had happened within the recent several hours and now that everything was so quiet and *nothing* was happening, it was almost driving her crazy. Connor was sound asleep in her arms and at least that was good. Though he wasn't around his father for over four hours, he hadn't been causing too much trouble so far and Cordelia was inwardly grateful for that. Not that she wasn't used to him, as little as the time she'd been allowed to spend with him was, and she was pretty confident in her abilities to calm him down, when he was quiet was still a preferable situation.

She glanced over her shoulder, to check if Fred had followed her downstairs as well and was proven right, though not necessarily happy with the idea. The former cheerleader had spent the last hour or so after the two had retreated to Fred's room spilling all the details about the years-long history of the Slayer and the ensouled vampire, or at least all the parts she knew, because the woman simply wouldn't stop asking questions. Looking on the bright side, however, Cordelia did have to admit to herself she should have maybe done it a lot earlier. It beyond a shadow of a doubt knocked any idea of Angel as a partner out of Fred's head for good. Grinning, the brunette thought back to the time when the same thing had happened to her. Xander's little statement of "you're never gonna get between those two" had surfaced back from the depths of her memory and had been standing clear in her mind the entire time she'd been talking to Fred. Looking back at the way everything had turned out she couldn't even believe she had ever tried.

"Everybody's gone?" Fred asked, also looking around the empty lobby.

"Seems like it," Cordelia observed, shrugging. "My wild guess would be Angel and Buffy are in his room, catching up," then her rational side gave in, "or maybe...not. Wes probably went home." She neared the phone and saw there were two new messages on the machine. Frowning, Cordelia pressed on the button and played the first one. Surprisingly, it was from Willow. Even more surprising was what it said.

"Hey, Cordy...I, um...really hope Angel isn't here, which he's probably not, so it's safe to leave a message. I tried calling several times, but nobody answered, so I just thought...message it is. Anyway," a sigh, "I wish I had good news. You know how I just took off and went home a few days ago without saying anything? Well, I kinda thought I was on the break of something new, and which...turned out I wasn't. Anya, Tara and I thought we were onto something, but it turned out as a big nothing, seeing as we tried it and...no Buffy, so obviously, it didn't work. I just...thought you should know, we're basically back to square one again. I'll call you again if there's any news, or maybe I will even come over, we'll see. In the meantime, bye." The next one was from Wesley. "Cordelia, it's me. Listen, I'm at home now, I just...wanted to say I might be coming in late tomorrow. Tell Angel...assuming he asks. Don't tell him why though, I want to research Buffy's return further, and I maybe stumbled across something in my books here. I tried to contact Willow, but there is no answer. One of the times, I even woke Dawn up and she said she was home alone. If...if Willow calls, or Xander, with some news, call me. I will probably be awake anyway. Good night."

"I'm...confused," Fred remarked, after the two messages finished playing and Cordelia deleted them both. "You said this Willow...was trying to bring Buffy back?" she frowned, trying to search for the logic in it in her typical manner. "B-but...Buffy's here. And she said she's...not. That...wasn't Buffy?"

"Oh, that was definitely Buffy, I still know a Buffy when I see one," Cordelia confirmed though just as perplexed by Willow's message. "So..."

"*That* I would like to know, too." Shifting Connor from one shoulder to another, Cordelia tried the Summers' house. "Dawn?" all she got was the Slayer's younger sister. "Hey, still home alone I see?... - Yep, Willow. Wanted girl, everyone seem to be looking for her tonight. Any idea where she is?... - Right. And Tara? - Umm...Xander? Anya? - Missing too? Okay, listen, go to sleep, okay? Don't wait up... - Dawnie, I'm sure she's okay, don't worry. When you do see her though, tell her to call me. Or else I'll come down there myself and beat her up. - Yeah, tell her that. Bye, sleep tight." She put down the receiver. "Gone," she informed Fred. "The ground swallowed all the so-called grown ups. I would have called Giles, but he's probably too busy splitting town anyway," she waved her hand. "Can I just say I *don't* enjoy this scenario?"

That moment, completely out of the blue and for no apparent reason, Connor started crying. "And the scenario just got worse," she muttered. "Connor..." she rocked him gently, but it wasn't doing any good at all, "sweetie, please don't do this now, I changed you, I fed you, I burped you. We can't go to daddy, he's...unavailable, please stop crying. Shh...Connor, please," she kept whispering softly, pleadingly, rocking him in her arms, but the baby wasn't even close to responding. "Fred?" she desperately looked up at the other woman when after a couple of minutes, no matter what she did, the baby wouldn't stop crying. "*Any* experience with babies whatsoever?"

"I-I could try..." Fred held out her arms.

"One of us *trying* is good enough," Cordelia grumbled, then took a deep breath. "Okay." She held the bellowing baby up, "You won." Taking another deep breath, she resolutely headed towards the stairs.

* * * * * *

Buffy and Angel's heads snapped up as Cordelia walked into the room, without knocking, with a crying baby in her arms. Before she could say anything, Angel jumped from the bed and took his son from the former cheerleader.

"I-I...tried," she gestured helplessly at Connor, who was gradually calming down in his father's arms. "I really did. He wanted daddy."

"It's okay," Angel nodded, briefly kissing his son. "He gets like that sometimes. Babies can just...start crying whenever they want to. He just needs to be held. Right?" he smiled at Connor, who by then completely stopped crying and returned his father a smile of his own.

"Yeah, Mister Experience. I'm gonna have to correct you here, just a *little* and say he needs to be held by *you*. A non-parent's abilities are limited, if you happen to not know." Her gaze drifted from Angel to Buffy, who was still sitting on the bed, her eyes uncomfortably roaming the bedspread. "And on this note, see us gone." she said, and turned to the door, dragging the unsuspecting Fred after her by the hand.

Angel shut the door after the two women and locked it. He looked up from Connor and at Buffy and the smile awkwardly vanished from his features. "I..."

"You think he'll be scared?" she asked humbly, her eyes still down on the bedcover instead of on the vampire holding their son.

"Scared?" Angel didn't understand.

"Of me...if I...if I held him..." Buffy swallowed and looked up. "You think he'd be crying, too?"

"I-I don't-" At the flash of hurt in her eyes, he shook his head, "No." "He doesn't even know me..." the Slayer mused, sniffing back a flow of threatening tears.

Angel sat down on the bed next to her and she drew back from him, unable to direct her gaze at him, and especially, the baby in his arms, whose large eyes were beholding her with childlike curiosity. "He knows you," Angel held him out for her, but she pulled even further away, refusing to touch him. "I made sure he did."

Finally, Buffy looked up, her lucid teary eyes meeting her son's and for some inexplicable reason, she could swear those eyes had gazed back at her once before. She couldn't remember if it was a dream, or maybe just her imagination plying with her mind...but somehow...she was just sure. "I-I can?..." she looked to Angel with a question.

He nodded, and she hesitantly reached out her arms for their son, but just before touching him, pulled them back. "I can't," she shook her head.

Angel returned Connor to his shoulder, securely holding him with one arm. "Buffy," he lifted her chin with his free hand, "please."

"I-I don't even know how to be a..."

"I think it's up to him to decide." Angel held out his hand for her, waiting patiently until Buffy accepted it. He pulled her to him and silently moved Connor from his shoulder to hers, only letting go when he saw resolve entering her eyes, when she secured her arms around the baby. Connor slightly dug his little feet into his mother's belly as he was making himself more comfortable in her arms and Buffy released a strained but happy laugh, looking down at him. "He's so tiny," she whispered, when her son finally stopped moving and let out a small yawn. "He looks like you," she gazed up at the vampire, whose eyes were watching her with utter adoration, and reached one hand to rest on his face. "Do you even know that?"

Angel slightly shook his head, momentarily allowing slight sadness to enter his orbs, but it was soon gone, replaced with a smile. Buffy pulled her hand back and replaced it on her son's head. "It feels so..."

"Right?" Angel completed her thought.

She hesitated for a moment before answering. "Strangely...yes," she stammered, "and no. It's...new. It's something I don't belong in, and at the same time...I don't belong anywhere else. Where do we go from here, Angel?" she peered him in the eyes, hers more confused than he'd ever seen since hours ago when she had first woken up in his bed.

Renouncing every logic and reason he ever knew, he pushed back everything said reason prompted him was the right thing to do. "We don't." He encircled one arm around her shoulder and used the other to draw her to his chest. "We stay. We stay right here," he whispered, and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

Part 6

"Looks like you guys had a pretty busy night here without me," Gunn remarked eventually, after taking a moment to process everything Cordelia had told him. When he had walked through the door that morning, he thought he came to yet another casual day of work, when his boss would be anywhere but here and everything would again lie on his and Wesley's shoulders. What he *didn't* think was that he was coming to yet another casual day of work to find the Slayer he had thought to be dead very much alive.

"Tell me about it," she exhaled. "And they've been locked up in his room the entire time. I mean, hello! Slayer or no Slayer, the girl just came back from the dead, isn't she...hungry? Thirsty? Besides, you had to see her, these are *not* clothes I'd wanna die in."

"Something tells me they haven't been discussing food," he smiled knowingly. "They better not be discussing the other thing I dare you to say aloud..."

Gunn rolled his eyes, pulling himself up from the round seat in the middle of the lobby he was sprawled across. "Drop it, will you?" He stretched and yawned. "His girl just came back from the dead, I don't need to know their entire history by heart to know it was the last time he let her slip through his fingers. So if I were you, I'd brace myself. If they're still not hitched, it's a matter of minutes only."

Cordelia wanted to respond to that, but as she opened her mouth, her eyes caught the Slayer, slowly descending from the second floor, with her son in her arms. She was wearing one of Angel's shirts and a pair of his sweatpants she had to roll up to fit her size even though they still looked a bit baggy on her. Her blond hair, that for some reason appeared to Cordelia longer than she'd remembered, was still wet from what probably was a shower and divided into two light braids that suspended from her shoulders. She also looked a lot healthier and more invigorated than she had only the night before though still paler than usual. Before she left the last step she scanned the lobby several times with a somewhat uncertain gaze, randomly passing over Cordelia and Gunn, giving the impression she wasn't seeing them at all.

"Hey...Buffy," the brunette was the first one who managed to speak.

It was a while before the blonde's eyes finally stopped on her, and even then it seemed to take a while before she became completely aware of the person in front of her. When she did though, all traces of confusion were suddenly gone from her face. "Sorry," she smiled sheepishly. "It's still...weird, I guess..."

"Welcome back," Gunn flashed her a grin from where he was standing.

She returned his smile. "Thanks...I-I...think." Finally taking in Cordelia's eyes that hadn't left her since she'd made her first appearance on the stairs, she shrugged slightly, managing a small awkward smile. "I...took a shower," she attempted to explain her, or rather Angel's, clothes. "I can see that," the brunette nodded.

"Yeah. So...shower, and...I didn't really have anything to wear other than what I...came in..." before she could finish, Cordelia pulled both her and Connor into a hug, that was soon over as abruptly as it happened. "Wow, Cordy," Buffy cocked a brow playfully at the former cheerleader, "if I knew you missed me *that* much, I'd come back a lot sooner."

"Yeah, well...don't take it *too* personally," Cordelia tried to do her best to cover for her fleeting slip out of character. Though she had been hurting following the Slayer's death even though the two certainly hadn't been what could be called 'friends' while she'd been alive, she wasn't too enthusiastic to let these feelings out into the open, especially before said Slayer herself. "I figured...since you came back from the dead and all...I at least owed you a welcome hug."

"Thank you," Buffy grinned. Cordelia beheld her skeptically for several more moments, then sighed. "Well...try not to die on us again any time soon, okay? I think a certain vampire that shall remain nameless will appreciate it a lot more than I will." A barely detectable melancholic note entered the women's eyes when they exchanged a brief gaze of understanding, after which the ex-cheerleader managed another weak smile.

"Where is Angel, by the way?" Gunn stepped into the conversation. "You're here and he's...not?"

"Asleep," Buffy smiled, throwing a glance up the second floor. "I was, too, but then I got-"

"And about damn time!" Cordelia exclaimed, surprising her company with the sudden enthusiasm in her voice. "Now that both of you are here to play house, he can finally catch some rest from time to time."

"You...didn't help him?" Buffy asked quietly, looking from Cordelia to Gunn.

"He didn't *let* us!"

"He didn't even let us touch him," Gunn nodded at Connor. "Oh hey, can I-" he held out his arms, but at the same moment, the Slayer pulled back.

"Oh, great," the brunette dramatically rolled her eyes, returning to her post behind the front desk. "Can I just say *someone* slipped right into mommy-mode a little *too* fast," she muttered, sinking into her chair.

"I'm sorry," Buffy raised her gaze from the floor, and looked apologetically at the African American. "I'm not trying to...I just wanna learn...I want to get used to him...first."

"Yeah. Sure," he nodded.

The Slayer smiled at him thankfully, then looked down at the baby in her arms. "He's so grown up," she tenderly brushed her index finger down the side of his face to his chin, where Connor clutched it with his two hands, claiming it his own. "And still so small. Angel took good care of him," she observed, and lightly kissed Connor's forehead.

"That's pretty much all he did," Cordelia pointed out, standing up and walking back to Buffy. "Come on," she grabbed her by the arm and started leading her away. "Lucky for you, I'm keeping some of my clothes here. You can change into something that's more..." she briefly scanned her appearance again from head to toe, "well, your size, for starters."

"I-I was kinda...hungry, actually..."

"Well, we unfortunately lack a selection in that," Cordelia stopped, folding her arms on her chest thoughtfully. "Seeing as the only humans living here feed either on strictly tacos or strictly milk..."

"I was gonna get some morning doughnuts anyway," Gunn gestured outside. "I could swing by a store, grab something on my way back," he offered.

"Who eats tacos?" the Slayer wanted to know.

"Do that," Cordelia addressed her co-worker, who was already on his way out of the hotel. "And...that would be Fred, who is a...*she* and who I'll explain on the way," she turned back to Buffy and dragged her to one of the rooms.

* * * * * *

The former cheerleader released a quiet moan, shaking her head at the Slayer, who had been examining herself in the long mirror in the room. "Give it up," she advised eventually, getting tired of it herself. For some reason, it never seemed that exhausting when *she* was doing it. "You won't find anything. You don't look like you *ever* were pregnant, I guess that would be one of the perks in spending the last four months six fit under-" As if stricken with a realization, she rephrased that thought with a wave of her hand, "just make it dead. Let's better stay out of dimensional details. Still," she raised her index finger to each eye, making quick circular motions underneath them, "*that* is not one of the perks."

"Thanks, Cordy," Buffy let a somewhat forced smile to momentarily surface on her face. Though she never turned around, sitting right behind her, Cordelia could see it in her reflection in the mirror and instantly retorted with a deadly-friendly one of her own. "At least now I know who to turn to for fashion advises."

"Well, I happen to know a thing or two about pregnancies," the brunette argued. "And the way I hear it, you were lucky enough to be spared the *real* hugeness," she made an imaginable arc with her hand over her abdomen.

The smile was gone and the blonde stepped back from the mirror and picked up her son from the bed. "Yeah," she muttered, and Cordelia's ears clearly perceived the bitterness in that small word. "Lucky." Buffy sniffed, but managed a smile for Connor, when the baby's eyes locked with hers. "That would be me."

"I-I just meant..." the ex-cheerleader tried to fix her blunder at first, but then ruled against it, seeing as she knew it wouldn't do any good and the whatever damage it'd cost had already been done. "Never mind," she waved her hand. "So...you and Angel."

Buffy only honored her with a quick glance from Connor, but even in that split second her eyes sent the clear message for Cordelia to stay out of her and Angel's business.

But, of course, that had never been the plan. "You're...back together?"

"Excuse me?" This time, the Slayer's eyes on her lingered a little more.

"I thought..."

"Can I insert, at this point, that our moment of closure does not, in any way, entail me feeling comfortable enough to talk to you about my life with Angel?" Buffy nicked the topic in the bud, helplessly praying maybe at least *that* would stop her. But inside, she still knew Cordelia a little *too* well, especially the sensitive spot she had concerning her seemingly unbreakable relationship with the vampire.

"Did I mention how much I missed you?" Cordelia grinned.

"Ahm," Buffy nodded, returning a grin of her own. After holding the brunette's gaze for what was a too long while, she finally gave in. She knew Cordelia would never drop a subject of that kind before she got at least something to hold onto and feed her ceaseless curiosity. And when she and Angel were concerned, it better be a worthy *something*. Besides...she would find out one way or another eventually, not like Angel and her would ever try to hide it from anyone...so was there really a point in trying to hide it now? "Fine." Though the word escaped her lips in a form of almost a growl, Cordelia's eyes shone with only too familiar victory.

"So what's up?" she set off grilling. "Spill."

"We haven't exactly talked about it yet." Buffy sat down on the bed and lay her son in front of her on his back. Immediately, Connor reached out his both hands, laughing, demanding to play with him, to which Buffy instantly reacted.

"Do you want me to call you a liar in your face?" Cordelia tapped her pursed lips with her index finger, never tearing her eyes from the Slayer. She knew Buffy enough to know when she was trying to either escape a conversation or stall it, and that case was the second one.

For a beat, Buffy didn't say anything, focusing her entire attention on her son. Then she sighed, looking up at the brunette. "We don't want to part again. None of us wants. We can't."

"Okay," Cordelia took her time to utter the word, carefully pronouncing each letter. "Did something knock you on the head on the joyride back from the dead? Do you remember, say...the *curse*? And how about a certain *clause* in it? And what about him? What, the hours long lectures about him not being good enough and keeping you away from the sunlight and kids..." her eyes lay on Connor, "or I guess he already got that part covered. So fine, back to sunlight and...whatever other stuff I'm sure you remember better than me here...where did that all go?"

"Well, I guess he matured as a person," Buffy smirked. "I don't know where it all went, Cordelia, and frankly, I can't say I care. It always has been a load of crap in my eyes anyway, and it was *proven* to be a load of crap in everyone's eyes when my, should I remind you *failed*, rebound guy was - surprise - human. 'Slayer' and 'Slayer's *human* boyfriend' proved themselves not to mesh, Cordy. And besides, in case you haven't noticed, in my line of work, I pretty much go nocturnal myself."

"And the curse?" Cordelia returned to what clearly was her prime cause for concern. "You two can't keep your hands off each other for over a *minute*, Hell, forget a minute, rewind that, it would be giving you *way* too much credit. What are you two gonna do the next time around you 'give in to temptation'?" she quoted the phrase with her fingers as she uttered them. "You can't keep up the nun-club forever without *us* suffering the consequences at some point."

"Gosh, so you *weren't* worried about me?" the Slayer brought her hand to her chest in a dramatic gesture which didn't amuse the former cheerleader even a little. "You know what I think, Cordy? That if he wasn't so *dangerously* happy with having a son, it's mostly safe to say even we can push our limits from time to time-"

"Maybe the fact it also cost him the woman he loved had something to do with that."

Buffy's eyes filled with sadness as her thoughts drifted back to Angel, and to what he must have gone through the four months in which she had been gone. If there only was a way to take all that pain away from him, she would do it in a heartbeat. But there wasn't. And still...as much as she knew from first experience what it felt like for one of them to lose the other, she knew that having Connor was as close as it got for him to a true perfect happiness. "We *know* the lines we don't cross, Cordelia," she said quietly, focusing her gaze on her little son instead of the woman sitting next to her, "and we really don't need a lecture from you, or anyone else, if that's alright with you, of course. We can take care of ourselves. And...you know what?" She looked up. "Everyone needs a little happiness to survive in this world. And you know something...maybe so do we. So whether you like it or not...I'm not going anywhere. I love him...and...I can finally bring myself to say it, and to make it feel right...and that's how I wanna keep that up."

Cordelia swallowed, and drew a deep breath, though her eyes still flickered with a knowing grin for something she had known all along was coming but refused to accept. "We're doomed," she nodded, as that grin made its way down to her lips.

"And see me feeling your pain," Buffy grinned back, making the truth of her words inescapable with her eyes. "Umm...Cord," she touched the brunette's arm, as the two of them stood up from the bed, heading out of the room.

"Yeah?" "That...Fred girl..." she momentarily cast her eyes to the floor, as tough struggling to find the right words. "She's..."

"*Not* a threat for you," the brunette patted her shoulder. "No such animal invented yet."

"Good," Buffy nodded, releasing the air she'd kept locked in her lungs for Cordelia's answer.

"God," the brunette rolled her eyes at her. "And I thought *you* knew him."

"I *know* him. I don't know her."

"Well, *I* know her. And Angel didn't look twice at her in that sense! Actually, he didn't look once..."

"I got it." Buffy smiled.

"You wanna call home?"

The Slayer stopped in mid step, and slowly put the suspending foot down. "Home."

"Yeah...Sunnydale?" Cordelia clearly didn't understand where her hesitation originated from. "Remember? Nice quiet little town, Hellmouth and all. You should call them to...maybe tell them you're alive? I'm sure they'd like to know."

"Yeah," Buffy turned around, but didn't meet Cordelia's eyes. "They would..."

Part 7

Buffy quietly took off her shoes and crawled into Angel's bed. Throwing a cautious glance over his shoulder to see if he was still asleep and unaware of her, she nestled herself closer to him and snaked her arms around his middle from behind, resting her chin in the crook of his neck.

"Hey," he purred, without opening his eyes, the only sign to that he was awake at all being the small smile playing in the corner of is mouth.

Buffy sharply turned her face to his, staring playfully-disbelievingly at his natural, seemingly still asleep _expression. "Hey?" she raised her head from his shoulder. "I get a *hey*? No what is it, who are you, what are you doing here? A *hey*? So I'm guessing strange women sneaking into your bed isn't exactly out of the ordinary here nowadays."

He smiled, but still didn't feel the need to open his eyes. "I knew it was you the moment you walked through the door."

"Unless you have a full-time-on-the-alert Buffy sense, you were *asleep* when I walked through the door."

"I haven't been asleep for about ten minutes. And you're not strange women," Angel finally opened his eyes and rotated on his other side to face her. "You're the only women," he whispered, folding his index finger under her chin and nearing her lips to his for a soft kiss.

But Buffy broke the kiss after only a moment. "Good answer," she assured, a small promising grin twinkling in her orbs to support her words. "But I'm here on strictly business." She pulled back and sat up. When Angel, a bit thrown by her least expected response, mirrored her actions, she fished for the glass of blood she'd left on the bedside and handed it to him. "Dinner," she explained, urging him with her eyes to accept it from her. "Or...seeing as it's not even sunset yet, that would probably be early breakfast. Open wide," she urged.

Not saying anything, but with slight puzzlement still conspicuous in his eyes, Angel took the glass from her and started slowly gulping from the liquid. "You're feeding me, too, now?" he remarked between sips, eyeing her with a somewhat strange amusement.

She though, wasn't amused at all. "Let's see," she folded her arms on her chest, her entire appearance conveying there was something about him she wasn't even remotely impressed with. "Apparently, I now have *two* babies that clearly can't take care of themselves so...somebody has to do the job. Don't you agree?"

The vampire nodded knowingly, putting the now empty glass on the bedside behind him. "What did Cordelia tell you?"

"Just about enough." The slight anger in her eyes melted into compassion with that sentence. "Angel, it was no way to-"

"I was trying to do my best," he said quietly, averting his eyes from her caressing piercing gaze, "I thought I..." "Angel," she cupped his face with her hands, leveling his eyes with hers, "this isn't how it's supposed to work. Raising a son, especially a son like Connor is *not*, *can* not, be something for you to do on your own. All the fear, all the worry, the sleepless nights, the sleepless days, it's *not* something a person, or even a vampire, can do on his own-"

"What was I supposed to do?" The vampire wiggled out of her hold. "You were *gone*! I *was* on my own," his voice cracked as his eyes started to water and he looked away from her. "Nobody could make it right..." he muttered, "no matter how much they helped, even if I let them...which I didn't. I didn't *want* to share that responsibility with anyone. I couldn't," he looked up, his eyes glazed so much they resembled a glass shattered to million pieces, but he still wouldn't let a single tear out. "He was all I had left from you."

"I know," Buffy let her hand caress over his cheek and he leaned into her palm, cradling it in his own. He had to tear his eyes from hers not to indulge in the pain of her own experience atop of his. "I know how hard it is. But sometimes...when the burden is too much, it can lead a person to self destruction, without the person even noticing what he's doing, and I was there, too, at my time. I *don't* *ever* want to face it happening to you. I won't have that. You understand me? I..." she passed the tip of her tongue over her suddenly very dry lips to moisten them a little, and pulled her hand from Angel's face. She swallowed, and looked away from his eyes that were piercing through her in their usual dark softness, waiting for her to finish what she wanted to say. "I love you," she murmured eventually, surprising herself in not stumbling over her words. It was the first time she told him that ever since she had come back, even though it hadn't even been that long. It sounded strange to utter these words and address them to him, and a part of her didn't even know why, because it never used to before she'd died. But then again, she hadn't even considered renewing their relationship before she had died, and now their relationship already had been renewed. "I love you," Buffy looked up, her eyes much lighter, as if all the burden had been lifted with these three small words. "And I love Connor. And I need you...I need both of you. Everything else...is over. Okay?"

"Okay," Angel nodded, allowing a smile to enter his eyes as well. But before he managed to come close enough to seal that promise with a kiss, they were interrupted.

"O-oh," the Slayer pulled back from the vampire, grinning impishly, "baby alarm," she climbed from the bed and went to the adjoined room to check on Connor.

"Well, he's not wet." She returned after a minute, with the baby in her arms. He wasn't crying like he had been only a moment ago, but nor was he completely quiet yet. "My next guess would be that he's hungry. You got-"

"Yeah," Angel stood up, as if on cue, and headed to the kitchen. "I got one ready, I just need one moment to warm it up."

"Give a shout if you need me," the Slayer offered her help, but clearly didn't entirely intend to live up to that offer because, emitting a small yawn, she cleared a pillow from the middle of the bed and put Connor there, later lying down herself. "I got it." Angel returned to the room with the bottle and passed it over to Buffy's outstretched hand, before occupying the empty place by the other side of their son.

"Hey, little guy," the Slayer massaged Connor's belly with her hand and lowered the bottle down on his mouth, waiting until he grabbed it with his little hands and started sucking at the milk.

"He's so cute," she whispered, watching him in awe. She loosened her hold on the bottle a bit when he seemed to be persisting on holding it all by himself and began gulping the white liquid more demandingly. "I think I got this picture somewhere, when I was about his age, that my dad took while my mom was feeding me. She used to say I also was constantly fighting for the bottle when I was little." She chuckled, "I wonder if I looked like Connor. Too bad you don't have a picture of you as a baby. Then again, that's probably because you didn't have cameras back then," she drew her brows together thoughtfully. "Did you have bottles?" she looked from Connor to his father, smiling coyly when she acknowledged he'd been grinning at her the entire time of her monologue. "You...probably had bottles. Or...something like that."

"Yeah," he stretched his hand to clear some blond tresses that had fallen on her face and lingered there, tenderly stroking her cheek with his knuckles.

"What's up?" Buffy asked suspiciously. The look she now recognized in his eyes was a look he only had when he was thinking about something but was also holding himself back from transforming these thoughts into words and sharing them with her.

"Nothing," Angel pulled back his hand but the mysterious half smile that had given him away in the first place wasn't gone. When the Slayer's look delivered the clear message she wasn't going to give the subject a rest until she knew what exactly it was all about, he came to terms with the fact he didn't have too many choices. "It's really...nothing...just...something I remembered, that's all."

"Something that is what?"

"Just...a sort of dream I used to have once, a very long time ago, which due to too many obvious reasons isn't exactly a dream anymore."

"What was it about?" she questioned, with no intentions to stop until she knew everything she wanted and not a detail less. The vampire reached one hand to the small of the Slayer's back and urged it up from the pillow and towards him as he himself leaned closer over Connor to meet her. "This," he whispered huskily before their lips locked together in a sweet soft kiss.

Connor tugged at the bottle, as though reminding his parents of his presence. Chuckling, they parted, looking down on the baby, who had by now resumed sucking his milk like nothing happened. "Mental note," Buffy smiled. "No more smooching in front of our son. Or above our son, or anywhere near our son. I don't think he appreciated that too much."

"I think he's more disturbed by the fact it came on the expense of his feeding," Angel remarked, cleaning some white drops from the baby's chin with his fingertip. "Good point," she considered, then looked back at Connor, changing the bottle's angle a bit. "You know... when you grow up, if you're half as handsome as your daddy is, girls will be lining up outside the door for you. Then we can discuss some smooching of your own."

"Buffy!"

"What?" she innocently glanced up at her boyfriend, then back at their son. "You know what else we're going to do when you grow up? When you grow up...I'm gonna show you how to make stakes- God, I really just said that," her eyes grew wide in realization and she smacked Angel's shoulder when he grinned at that. "Just what is it that you're so happy about? Did you even hear what I've just said? *This* is what I'm doomed to do, this is the mother I'm going to become... Instead of taking my son to...football matches, I'll be teaching him how to ambush vampires!"

"Buffy," Angel gently lay a hand on her arm. "What do you think I'm going to do? Teach him sword fighting?"

"Well at least swords are far more efficient than sta- Angel! Look at us, look at what we can offer him..."

"I think right now, he just wants to have his milk back," the vampire observed, nodding at the bottle the Slayer had pulled away from Connor's mouth at a moment of exasperation. Buffy moaned and returned it to the baby, who instantly clutched it with his hands. "I hate it. You know...I always had this goal set for me, not to grow up into a second generation of mommy and daddy Summers. For a while I didn't want kids at all so that I wouldn't repeat their mistakes. And right now it's like...what if I wind up even worse than them..."

"I'm not going anywhere," Angel promised. "Not from Connor, and not from you. So even if we are going to screw it up, at least we won't be doing it alone."

"Thank you," she smirked. "That makes me feel so much better."

He sighed. "Connor was born into this world, Buffy, he's *our* son - a vampire and a Slayer. No matter how hard we try to protect him from everything, he can't possibly turn out any more normal than his parents, which means...not normal, to say the least. You said it yourself a million times, we can't do what other parents do and pretend it doesn't exist, for the simple reason *we* have to fight it, there's no one else. We're a part of it. And we like it or not...so is our son. He won't be an innocent baby forever. A day will come when he will open his eyes. And when that day comes," he tilted her chin up, "he better know how to pick up a stake and a sword."

"It'd be nice if he also...knew how to throw a good touchdown every now and then," she suggested.

"That I'm gonna have to leave to you," he chuckled. "Unless they open a night field."

His girlfriend beamed, nodding, "Well, in this case, our son is in trouble. Hey, maybe I can ask Xander to- What?" her _expression changed from excited to concern at the strange emotional turmoil in Angel's eyes that seemed to have emerged out of nowhere. "What's wrong?"

"I can't believe I haven't stopped for one moment to even think about it..." he laughed, sitting up. "About what?"

"Home," he looked at her. "Your home. You have to-"

"I don't-"

"Buffy," he held up his hand. "You have to tell them you're back. They need to know, it's not something you can *choose* not to do, it's..." he took a small clean towel from a drawer by his bed and spread it over his shoulder, picking up Connor to burp him. "They need to know..."

"I-I can't...you...you don't understand," she mumbled, pulling her knees to her chest and fastening her arms around them. "I want to see them," she directed her gaze at him and the utter confusion and despair Angel saw in her orbs was something he hadn't been prepared for. "I want to see them all so much, especially Dawnie...and Willow, and Xander, and Giles...I want to tell them all that I'm back, but I...Angel, if I go...I might not be able to come back. And that would mean..." the words caught in her throat as she looked at her son and Angel read the rest of the sentence in them. But in the typical Angel-fashion, he managed to twist it irrevocably.

Subconsciously, he only held on to Connor tighter. He suddenly felt a lump in his throat and it wouldn't let him breathe, he even forgot he didn't need to. "You will take him with you," he hardly managed to let the words out.

"God, no! Never...I would never do that." The Slayer put a hand on his cheek, looking him in the eyes. Though he felt like a mountain had just been lifted from his heart, he also knew the worst wasn't behind them. "I will *never* take Connor away from you. You're his father..."

"You're-"

"No," she moved her hand from his cheek to cover his mouth. "You can't just jump into somebody's life, no matter how little that somebody is, and call yourself mom just because you happened to give birth. You have a place in his life...I still have to earn mine. I'm trying to do my best right now...but I still have a way to go before I can amend for the four months I wasn't here."

"It wasn't your fau-" he tried to squeeze in a word, but again, she didn't let him.

"Doesn't matter. The point is that I will never even contemplate the idea of taking him away from you. And that would mean I will have to leave you *and* Connor for...I don't know how long. And I just can't...I finally got you back and we're trying to work through it and...I can't do that." She shook her head and bit down on her lower lip. "I need a little more time with you...just a little. Okay? Just...until tomorrow night."

He didn't understand... "Night? You...you want me to come with you?" She nodded. "Would you? Please? You don't have to stay, I'm not asking you to, just...come with me...okay?"

Angel finally smiled and wrapped his free arm around Buffy, pulling her to his side that wasn't occupied with Connor. "Okay," he agreed, and she encircled his waist in her arms, resting her head on is chest. "But we'll wait...until tomorrow night."

Part 8

Angel pulled his car by the Summers' house, turned off the engine and put his both hands on the wheel in front of him. "Ready?" he turned to his girlfriend, who was sitting next to him, with their son asleep in her arms, staring blankly straight ahead into space.

She threw one glance in the direction of the house and turned her head away. "Nobody's home."

Angel gently propped her chin up and above the dark windows of the first floor to the second, where the light was on in the bedrooms. He clasped her hand and caused her to look his way. "I don't wanna do this any more than you do...but we have to. We don't have a choice. Okay?" he gesticulated with his head at the house behind her.

"Sure. We'll just walk in, and go like, oh hey, by the way, remember that thing when I sort of died? Well, so here I am, all back and pretty..."

He clasped her hand again, making her look back at him. "Buffy."

The Slayer inhaled a deep breath and nodded, trying to appear as resolute as she could bring herself to be.

Angel nodded, too, and opened his door. He stepped out of the car, walked around it and opened the door on Buffy's side, holding out his hand for her.

She looked at him hesitantly for a long moment, then, taking another deep breath, moved Connor to her shoulder to free one of her hands and let Angel help her out of her seat.

He slammed the door shut after her, took her hand and began leading her towards the house. After making only a couple of steps in that direction, Angel noticed she stopped. "What is it?" he asked.

The Slayer hesitated at first, but then looked up into his eyes. "You think you could...stay with me? For a day, at least...then you can go back to LA?"

The vampire smiled and moved closer, putting his hands on her shoulders. "I promise. I'll even stay longer, if you want me to."

"Good," she beamed, and he descried a familiar sly glint in her eyes. "Because...I already packed you and Connor a bag for a couple of days at least, it's...in the trunk," she nodded over her shoulder to the black convertible.

"Deal." He smiled and drew closer, bending down his head to capture her inviting lips in a kiss. Buffy reached her free hand to the back of his head, urging it down on hers as the kiss rapidly heated up and he wrapped his arms around her and Connor.

"Well well. Look who popped back back from the dead and brought her poof along with her," a steely British voice from their left interrupted their session and they awkwardly pulled apart. While Buffy's eyes instantly dropped to the ground as breathlessness threatened to overcome her, Angel's eyes glared down on his uncalled for Childe.

"Don't let me interrupt, continue," Spike dropped his cigarette to the asphalt and put it out with his boot. When neither Slayer, nor vampire spoke, he looked up, taking a moment to just watch the two, especially Buffy. His eyes glistened with hurt she couldn't see because she simply couldn't bring herself to look at him, but her boyfriend did, and he *didn't* like what he saw at all. A strong protective arm wrapped around the Slayer's slim shoulders as he stepped closer to her, his eyes never leaving Spike's. The bleached vampire peered at the Slayer for a moment longer, with the same unfamiliar twinkle of genuine pain in his eyes he had there when he was approaching the Summers' house and saw her together with who obviously was, unsurprisingly again, her boyfriend. He was trying to sort through what he was upset by the most; the return of Angel to her life, which alone pushed him out permanently before he even managed to get in, or the fact she had clearly been alive for a while and while Angel knew, *he*, or even her friends, didn't. He remembered how he had once rehearsed in his crypt the time he would finally tell her what he felt for her, and then when everything that had happened with Dawn had given him a strange sense of closure to the Slayer, especially in that final night, he had thought he finally had a chance. Now, not only he realized he never had a chance, he also realized he never would have one. Unless he wanted his Sire to hunt him down and chop him into little pieces before liberating him from his existance, he better stay as far away from now *his* Slayer as he could.

"So," he spoke again, somehow managing to keep his voice from wavering with each word, "you finally found the time to let us know you're back? How noble of you."

"Shut up, Spike," the dark-haired vampire warned him, even though the menacing glint in his eyes did a much convincing job than his words. "This is the best advice you're gonna get today."

His Childe let out a short laugh. "We're touchy now, aren't we, Peaches? I bet you'd love to have her all to herself full time, wouldn't you?"

Hearing the growl rising in his throat, Buffy put a hand on Angel's chest, silently asking not to let Spike get to him now of all times. "That..." she looked at the other vampire for the first time, her eyes cold, but if he searched real hard, he could detect also a tiny amount of sympathy in them, "happens to be mutual, Spike."

He was more taken aback than he had expected by her reply, but did everything he could not to show it to her.

"And not that it's any of your business, I've only been back for a couple of days. So you didn't miss too much. And can I ask *you* a question?" Without waiting for approval, she asked, "*What* are you doing by *my* house?"

"Wanted to check on the little bit, see how she's doing," Spike said, surprising himself just how steady his voice came out, especially after the hostility he had perceived so clearly in hers. "I promised you," he reminded her quietly.

Buffy looked at him, even the bluntest anger in her eyes dissolving into what almost resembled compassion, but she didn't say anything. Maybe because Spike's presence suddenly became too uncomfortable to be around, or maybe because the air around her became too thick to be able to breathe and everything seemed to be crowding her. Everything, except for... "Angel," he pulled weakly at the lapels of his long black coat, and rested her head against his chest for a moment. "Let's go," she looked up. "I just...wanna get this over with. Let's go."

He nodded, finally taking his eyes off of Spike and pressed a kiss to her brow, before sliding his arm from her shoulders to take her hand in his, as they both continued towards the front door.

"You might be needing this," Spike tossed something at them and Angel caught it. It was a key, but the meaning of it still hadn't registered properly in his mind.

Not in Buffy's though. "What th- You have... *Who* gave you a key to my house?!" she glared at the bleached vampire, her eyes daring him to answer.

"Why don't you ask your sister while you're at it," was all he said, then turned around, and in a flash of lack leather, was gone the way he'd come.

"We'll deal with him later," Angel put a hand on her shoulder, awakening her from what resembled a shock as she was still staring after the already gone vampire. "Or better not at all," he muttered to himself, as he stuck the key in the lock and turned it.

"Yeah," she breathed, and shook her head, preferring herself to erase every thought of Spike. He disturbed her far too much for her liking.

Angel held the door open for her and she stepped into the house.

* * * * * *

"Dawn?" Angel called out for Buffy's sister as soon as he closed the door behind them and made sure the first floor really was empty of people.

"Angel! Shh," Buffy nodded at the baby in her arms, who emitted a small sob, but lucky for his parents, remained asleep this time.

"Sorry," he whispered, then raising his voice only a little above usual, walked up to the bottom of the stairs and tried again, "Dawn? Willow?" Not that he had been so eager to leave himself, but Buffy had stalled practically until the last minute, which eventuated in them arriving to Sunnydale in almost midnight. If he hadn't seen the lights in the house, he would have thought they all were already asleep.

"Angel? What are yo-" Willow came to a halt in the middle of the stairs, swallowing hard on the rest of the sentence when her eyes lay on the Slayer. "Buffy."

Angel took his son from his girlfriend, who was standing as still as her best friend. The two women continued staring at each other, both pairs of eyes gradually welling up with tears, but neither one moved. Finally, Willow bolted from her place and seized Buffy in a lasting bear hug. When they finally pulled apart, both were already crying. "You're...God, you're," her hands restlessly roamed up and down the Slayer's arms, "you're alive...how...how did you do that?" she looked over Buffy's shoulder at Angel. "I've been trying for months and it never...how did you bring her back?"

"I didn't," he said, feeling suddenly even more confused. When he had come here, he couldn't help but hope to find at least some answers. With everything that Wesley had thought he'd found back in Los Angeles turning out useless, Buffy's return became even more of a mystery, especially when Cordelia had told them it couldn't be Willow's doing because the witch's spell had failed.

The redhead frowned, even managing to forget about the Slayer's presence for a moment. But that moment didn't last too long. Before Buffy knew what hit her, she was pulled into another hug, with the only difference being that this one turned out to be much shorter than the previous. Willow quickly wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks though she'd never stopped grinning at her best friend. "Whe-when did it happen? How long have you been..."

"A couple of days," the Slayer smiled, and though her friend maintained her grin, she could see slight hurt in her eyes to the sound of the answer. "I needed some time," she said softly, "I came as fast as I could, I just needed...some time."

Willow inhaled a deep breath, nodding edgily as though accepting Buffy's given excuse. "I better...I better call everyone down here..." she rushed back up the stairs before Buffy could say or do anything to stop her.

* * * * * *

Fifteen minutes later, ten of which consisted of seemingly endless hugging and crying from everyone except for Angel, who had already had his share in it and Connor, who, thankfully, managed to remain asleep, everyone was assembled in the living room over some tea Willow and Tara had fixed for them. Angel was sitting on the couch, with Connor asleep in the crook of his one arm and the other draped over Buffy's shoulders, who was sitting next to him. Dawn was curled up on the little room there was left on the couch after Buffy and Angel, with her head resting on the Slayer's lap. She was tired, it being way past her usual bedtime, but she still refused to leave her sister's side. Willow was sitting in an armchair, with Tara perched on the arm, and Anya was in the armchair opposite to her. Xander was on the carpet next to her.

Surprising themselves, neither one of them talked too much, except for only random awkward sentences and questions popping up here and there. The main reason was that neither of them still had enough time to absorb everything that had happened and to accustom to the idea of Buffy being alive and well again, evidently both physically and mentally, regardless to how happy they all were about it. But there was another reason, too, and that reason had nothing to do with Buffy's death, or her coming back to life. However, it had everything to do with Buffy and Angel. The vibes that were coming from the couple, that without needing to say the words, was clearly again, a couple, flashed everyone in the room who had been present at the time, four years back. For only a moment, it seemed to Willow, Xander and Dawn like nothing had changed over the past four years, the only actual evidence to any kind of change seemed to be Anya, Tara and Connor. As far as everything else went, they could fairly claim to still be sophomores in Sunnydale high, when the innocence still lived and the curse still hadn't been broken.

Dawn didn't mind that much. If it made her sister happy, why would she try standing against it. Besides, she always liked Angel better than she did Riley anyway, him being the second of the two only really serious boyfriends she remembered Buffy having. She remembered how held back Buffy was when she was with Riley, and only when she saw Buffy and Angel together again this night, she realized the full meaning of so many slips she'd thrown Riley's way, and how much she must have hurt him with them. She was sorry now, to a certain extent, but it was too late, and either way, it only proved how right she was, even when she hadn't known what she was talking about. There was only one person with whom Buffy could be completely herself, with whom she would never need to pretend, and that person, in Buffy's case, happened to be undead. Well, wasn't like she's that normal herself, Dawn reflected inwardly. After all, she was the Slayer.

Willow was a bit surprised, but the larger part of her wasn't surprised at all. She still remembered so clearly the morning before the prom, when Buffy had cried in her arms forever, almost choking on her tears, she still remembered the pain that shot through her with every sob that left the Slayer's lips, and she remembered her saying how she was trying to keep from dying, how she couldn't breathe. And she remembered how she herself was young and naive enough back then to hate Angel so much she felt she could strangle him herself for what he'd done to Buffy. She didn't remember any of it with Riley though. Somehow, in the back of her mind, Willow had always known that no matter what would happen in their lives, no matter how long it would take, Buffy and Angel would find their way back to each other. There were people in the world that didn't belong together, there were people that could make it work if they tried, there were people who were doomed to be together, and there were the ones who were destined to be together, no matter what stood in their ways. Buffy and Angel were that kind of people. Clearly, destiny was something even Slayer and vampire couldn't fight.

As for Xander...he was upset. He was very upset. In a sense, for a moment, the now official reunion of Buffy and Angel even seemed to be more important than Buffy's return. He didn't know why it stroke him so sudden though, especially after the majority of the past year, which they had spent too close for comfort in his eyes. He still couldn't get over his dislike of the ensouled vampire, no matter how much time had passed. Was he still jealous of him? Well, he had thought that no, he was sure, but it being jealousy or not, he could barely bring himself to look at him together with his best friend. But Buffy...she was so at peace, so happy. He had even forgotten she could look like that at all and apparently all that was needed to prove him wrong was to bring that vampire back into her life. He shook his head, smiling ironically to himself. One good thing came out of it; if he had to choose between Angel and Spike, the choice would be quick. At least now, the blond vampire would be forced to forget whatever sick feelings he had been harboring towards his friend and stay as far away from her as he could if he wanted to prolong his unlife. In the end of the day though, whatever Xander thought about that reunion, even if it were boiling inside of him, he would keep inside for the time being. He had no idea where that self composure suddenly came from, but a fight over Angel was *not* what Buffy needed at the moment.

"So, you guys live here, too now?" the Slayer turned to the red-haired witch, attempting to open a conversation.

"Yeah," Willow nodded, smiling. "Tara and I, we...live in your mom's old room."

"And...my old room?"

"The BuffyBot lives there," Anya supplied, and everyone's eyes turned to her but she tactfully ignored the slightly accusing looks. "Well, not *lives* because it's not..."

"It...recharges there," Willow corrected her. "We kinda...I...kinda...well, I fixed it after you," she made a gesture with her hand to stand in for the words. "It's been a real help...when it wasn't broken anyway. But we were working on it when you guys came and I think I figured out what was causing it to..." she took in everyone's gazes and realized she'd babbled completely off topic, "break, which really isn't what we're talking about. Besides, now that you're here, you can..." the words died away into thin air as she perceived the pained _expression suddenly emerging on Buffy's face the Slayer was striving to hide. Willow looked down in realization, without never finishing what she'd meant to say, as Buffy inclined her head on Angel's shoulder and he tightened his arm around her, whispering to her something even Dawn couldn't hear.

"G-Giles left," Tara changed the subject, concerned from the odd change in her girlfriend's mood. Unfortunately though, she didn't pick the best *new* subject.

The Slayer looked up. "What do you mean, he left?"

"He went back to England," Xander told her. "He was pretty broken after..." he sighed, finding himself, just like his best friend, unable to say the words. "It had only been a matter of time until he left. And he did...a couple of days ago. We'll call him right now, if you want, or we can call him as soon as you settle back into-"

"Xander," Willow interrupted him softly, her eyes looking at him pointedly as she slightly nodded at the Slayer and vampire.

Xander looked at the blonde for a long moment, but she didn't seem to mind him at all. She just returned her head to its place on her boyfriend's shoulder, leisurely combing her fingers through her little sister's long brown hair, appearing somewhat disconnected from the rest of the world.

"I need some air," he excused himself, climbing up to his feet, and without a glance at anyone present, calmly walked out of the front door.

Anya was about to follow him, but Willow instructed her to sit back down with a gesture of her hand. "I'll go," she said and stood up, knowing exactly what was wrong with him.

* * * * * *

"Xander..."

He didn't let her finish, springing up from his seat on the step in front of the house. "What did you expect me to do?!"

"To keep your voice down, for starters," Willow hissed, glancing at the house behind her. "Even someone who is not Angel can hear you now."

"Then maybe I should have started a scene back *there*?" he snapped.

"Maybe you shouldn't have." She sat down and patted on the brick beside her, indicating for him to do the same. He obeyed, and she continued, "You did something right, Xander, keep it that way, don't spoil it now."

He sighed and hung his head. "I hate this. I hate *him*..."

"You don't-"

"Will, come on," his head snapped up at the redhead, "don't tell me you didn't see that, you're probably the first one who did! She doesn't want to stay here, she doesn't want to stay with *us*."

Willow looked down for a moment, not knowing quite what to say at first. "No...no, she doesn't. But you can't blame her, and you definitely can't blame Angel. After all they've been through, Xander... You love Anya, don't you?"

"What does it- Yeah," her friend gave in, with even a slight smile. "Yeah, I love her," his smile grew a bit, but still remained melancholic on some levels.

The witch beamed, touching his arm. "You ever think about spending the rest of your life with her?"

Xander looked at her for a spell, wanting to say something, but at the last moment, choosing in favor of holding it in. He and Anya still hadn't found the right time to break the news about their engagement to their friends, he had no right to do it without her, no matter how much he wanted to tell Willow, now of all times. "Sometimes," he just said.

"Well, think about Buffy and Angel." She held up her hand when he opened his mouth to probably say something typical in protest. "Forget *everything*, think only about Buffy and Angel. You saw her back in there, with him, and with Connor. She's so happy... I don't remember ever seeing her so happy. *We* don't have the right to keep her, not Angel."

"He doesn't deserve her," Xander grumbled, clearly not following Willow's advice.

She groaned, not at all in the mood to fight, especially about this particular subject and with Xander. "Okay. I wasn't sure about this one...but I'm gonna use this argument anyway. You remember the spell we did to bring her back? The last one?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Misfire. What about it?"

"I think it did work," she contradicted him, but sounded sure in what she was saying, as little sense as it made to him. "I think I realized it. We didn't pay attention to the last clause Lorne gave me."

He laughed, rolling his eyes, wanting her to reach the point already since he wasn't at all in the mood for riddles. "Clue me in here, Will?"

"The place where she's needed the most," the witch smiled, seeing the full meaning of her words reflecting in the realization in her best friend's eyes. "That was the clause, the one we forgot all about. When we tried to bring Buffy back, we succeeded. We brought her back...but she didn't find herself here, she found herself in the Hyperion hotel, with Angel. Don't you get it? There is no escape, Xander. Like it or not, there are certain things you just need to accept. What they have is stronger than love, it's so much stronger than anything we know. She *belongs* with him."

Xander looked at her, acknowledging the truth in her words but still fighting not to accept it. "It's not your decision to make," Willow remarked gently. "It never was."

* * * * * *

"Everything's okay?" Buffy looked up at her two friends as they returned together to the living room and each reoccupied his and her former seat.

"Swell," Xander grinned, perching down next to Anya, who whispered something to him, to which he only returned her a smile and took one of her hands in his.

"Buffy, we, well, Xander and I, but I hope I'm speaking for everyone here...reached a decision," Willow announced, after exchanging a quick glance of approval with her childhood friend. "And we hope it's...okay with you."

The Slayer arched a brow. "Can I answer after I know what it's about?"

The witch nodded eagerly. "We think you should leave."

Buffy shot Angel a completely clueless look, but he turned out to be as confused as she was. "What?" Dawn raised her head from her sister's lap and sat up straight, gaping suspiciously at the redhead.

"I just mean...you should be with Angel. And with Connor...you're family." Willow briefly scanned the four faces that weren't vampire and Slayer and receiving no disapproval from either of them, continued in a lighter tone, "You should go with them...home."

The Slayer threw her boyfriend another lost gaze, then looked back at her best friend. "But-"

"We're not mad at you," the witch smiled. "We...understand. We want you here, but we can't keep you here when you should be...there," she looked at Angel. "And...we can pretty much take care of ourselves here, vampires-wise and stuff like that. We have the BuffyBot, which...I think I finally know how to keep from breaking every two days, and even Spike's helping...kinda. Well...you know. And if we need more, we can always call you guys here for a day or two. We can manage."

Buffy eyed her for a while, then turned her gaze over to Xander. "Xand?"

"Will covered it," he gestured at the redhead.

"Guys?" she glanced between Tara and Anya.

"I-I agree with Willow..."

"I'm with Xander."

"Dawn?" the Slayer finally looked at her little sister, who hadn't said anything so far. "If I...if I do," she glanced at the vampire and took his hand in hers, "if I go with Angel...you're gonna have to come, too. You'll have to move to LA with me. I'm not leaving you here, and...that would mean you're gonna have to leave your friends and move to a different school... You're up to that?"

Dawn looked at her for a while, then at each of the people around them. She shrugged, offering a little smile. "I guess... We can come visit sometimes, right? I-I mean...here?"

"Yeah," Buffy nodded firmly. "Well definitely visit. A-and they can visit, too," she made a point.

"You're completely sure you're okay with that?" Angel drew the attention of the two sisters with a question.

"I'm sure," Dawn promised. "Besides, I always wanted to go back to LA, I was like ten when we first moved out, it'll be cool," she grinned. "Besides, we can stay in your hotel...Cordy told me it's haunted."

The Slayer's head slowly revolved to look at her boyfriend.

"It's *not* haunted," he assured. At Buffy's look, he sighed, "It *was*. It's a long story, I'll explain later. It's *not* haunted."

Buffy put a hand on Angel's neck and lowered his head a bit. "*We* are gonna have a talk," she whispered in his ear. "Later."

"Dead-Boy's in trouble," Xander beamed, leaning back on the armchair Anya was sitting on.

"Okay." Willow took a deep breath of relief. "Good. Now that the main problem is finally off the agenda, we can talk like normal people."

Part 9

"Busy?"

Angel looked up from the folder he was reading to find his girlfriend standing in the doorway to his office. "Maybe," he closed it and put it down. "A little."

"A little," she hummed, walking in and towards his desk. She picked up the folder, opened it and skimmed through its contents. "We talked about it," she looked at him pointedly. "You promised..."

"I'm keeping my promise," he reached for the glass of blood standing in front of him and took a few sips from the red liquid. "Why does it strike me as a lie, then?" she grinned, and hopped on the desk. "You promised me you'd take a few days to cool off, to just *rest*, rest being the key word here. You promised me. And I told you I could take everything on myself for a while, it's a non issue. Dawn is my responsibility anyway-"

"She's *our* responsibility now," he corrected her gently, and she smiled.

"But she can be mine solo for another two or three days. And I'll take care of Connor, and if by some inexplicable reason, some great evil pops up within the next couple of days Gunn and Wes can't handle, I'll deal with it, too."

"I'm not *fighting* demons," he put down the blood and lifted her hand from her knee, inspecting it for a moment with thoughtful eyes, then combing his fingers through hers. "I'm reading about them. It's different. I just want to get updated on...everything that happened here that I...missed."

"But that's all," she gave him a firm unequivocal look, indicating she wouldn't have it any other way.

"That's all," he promised. "What you got there?" he attempted to peek behind her back to see what she was hiding there in her other hand.

The Slayer pulled it out to show him the stuffed pink pig he had seen numerous times before. "I thought it was time to pass him on to the next generation," she grinned, glancing over his shoulder at the sleeping baby in the crib.

The vampire laughed, taking the pig from her hands and scrutinizing it. "I'm sure he'd love that."

"*That* happens to have a sentimental value."

"Does it?" he let go of the toy and leaned back in his chair.

"Ahm," the Slayer nodded, "and a name, too."

Angel peered at her quizzically.

"You spent some very intense quality time in my bedroom with him, and you don't remember his name?" she pouted, crawling down from the desk and into Angel's lap. "Mister Gordo," she held up the pig in front of his face. "And by the way, he's hurt. Seriously though," her pout disappeared and a smile took its place as a memory from long ago surfaced up from the back of her mind, "I have to give you this, the more I was replaying this picture of the two of you in my memory later on, the more I loved it. I mean, it's a priceless moment. There's you, in all your...brooding creature-of-the-night hotness, hugging a pink stuffed pig to your chest. In times like these, I *really* wish you had a reflection. You were *so* cute," she touched the tip of his nose with her index finger and snaked her arms around his neck.

"Was I now," his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, drawing her nearer.

"Absolutely," she leaned in and closed the remaining gap between their lips. Angel's lips parted to welcome her warm tongue into his mouth, as his large palms roamed up and down her back, rumpling her shirt with each motion. Buffy dug her fingers in his hair, shifting her body to make more comfortable and lay perfectly against his, as she deepened the kiss. Finally, when they pulled off, Buffy was almost completely breathless. "Wow," she managed, "that was bracing."

"I'm glad," he placed another soft kiss on her lips before pulling back, only keeping his arms in a firm circle around her waist as he sank back in his chair. "So where's Dawn? She unpacked yet?"

"Dawn?" the blonde gave him a look. "So we're talking about *my* sister? Very unlikely. She either made Gunn give her a detailed tour through your weapons cabinet behind my back or is searching through every single room for possible remaining skeletons from your wild days back in the fifties."

"Ahm," the vampire cleared his throat, and unwound one hand from around his girlfriend to bashfully rub the back of his head. "You know, there is a reason why I prefer to keep some of my 'wild days' out of your knowledge."

"Angel," Buffy brought his face back up and tenderly looked him in the eyes, "we all make mistakes. And...I understand why you did what you did, especially after you told me the part you didn't tell everyone else. I...don't want to say what you give backfires at you, but...in a sense, they all did get exactly what they deserved. They doomed themselves, you only tried to help. Okay? There's only so much that you could do for them, especially when they weren't just not playing along...they hanged you," she winced slightly at the thought.

"Yeah. Maybe," Angel pulled her close and she nestled herself against his wide chest. "Still...it's pretty much the most horrible thing I've ever done. Because I did it with a soul."

Buffy sighed and put her hand on his chest, slightly brushing her palm over the dark fabric of his shirt. She wanted to say something, to say it wasn't true, that it never happened, but she couldn't. As much as a small lie was maybe necessary at this point, she knew it wasn't what he wanted or needed to hear. Even if it could make it go away for one moment, it could never erase the act. "Angel?" She looked up at him and raised her hand to his cheek. "I know you've done...things in your life that...don't necessarily add up to a very impressive reputation. I knew that years ago and I loved you anyway. And I love you now. I understand your need to not tell me everything, but...I don't want you not to tell me because you're afraid I'll see you in a bad light or...ever stop loving you. That's never gonna happen, no matter what I find out."

"Yeah," he smiled weakly and kissed her forehead. "Good," she beamed. "By the way, on to a completely different topic, before I forget to tell you, which I more than probably will, I'm taking Dawn shopping tomorrow. We have to buy some stuff for her new school before she enrolls. So if you wake up and I'm gone, just know where to. And another thing. It's too late to call now, and by the time Dawn and I will be back tomorrow it'll be, again, too late, so could you please call the school and ask if we need to bring along anything specific to enroll her?"

"Sure," he nodded.

"Best boyfriend *ever*," she leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. "The number is by the bed."

"I'm gonna need you to pay me back for that though," Angel flashed her a mischievous grin.

The Slayer's forehead wrinkled in a playful frown. "How big are we talking?" she moaned.

"For you, not that big. I need you to go shopping with me tomorrow, after sundown, obviously."

Buffy snickered, then eyed him almost seriously, then let out another disbelieving chuckle. "You're for real, aren't you? *You're* asking me if I wanna go shopping?"

"I lack a choice," he sighed. "It's Cordy's birthday, I have to buy her a gift. And seeing as you're so much in my debt..." he abruptly crushed her to him, causing a squeal to escape her lips before they landed on his. "You have no choice but to keep me company."

"You know when Cordy's birthday is?" she asked, pulling back a bit. "Even I don't know when her birthday is."

"May twenty-second," Angel informed her. "She had it programmed as the code of our security system *she* ordered for our former office, so since then the 'I don't know' card has been out of the game. So now you know. You'll come with me?"

"Honey," Buffy put her hands on his shoulders. "*May* is at least a month from now."

"It is." He shrugged. "I like to be prepared."

"Of course, you do," she smiled, not buying that explanation for even a moment. "But I think 'the sooner to get the shopping over with and use Buffy for it, the better' would make a much more believable excuse. Anyway, count me in. While we're at it, I'll buy her a gift, too. Or...we could buy something together. What do you say? Something tells me I have a better shot hitting the right choice than you do anyway," she winked playfully, as she slowly made her way off his lap.

"Where are you going?" Angel asked, as she walked around the desk towards the door.

"To check on Dawn, tie her up and make her unpack, if I have to." She sighed, and leaned her back against the wall, "I can bet she either left her bags in our room or worse, in the lobby, while she's busy doing everything and anything I told her not to do. By the time we'll be done, it's gonna be dark, so I'll probably go out for a quick patrol."

To the sound of the word 'patrol', Angel stiffened, his face mysteriously serious. "Be careful," he asked quietly, and pushed himself back to the desk, picking up the folder he'd been reading earlier and opening it again.

Buffy's eyes remained on him for a moment, as she was unsure as to what to make of that sudden change in him. "Something you wanna tell me?" she tried.

He only briefly looked up, and returned to the pages. "Just be careful. That's all."

"Okay," the Slayer nodded. Inwardly knowing that setting off an investigation would almost for sure lead her nowhere at this point even if he were hiding something from her. "I'll...leave you to your...*reading*. See you later." Receiving no other response from her boyfriend but a tense nod, she sighed and exited the office, closing the door behind her.

* * * * * *

"Gunn," she grabbed the unsuspecting African American by the arm and pulled him away from the weapons cabinet, where he was mindfully inspecting one of Angel's antique daggers.

"She asked me!" he held up his hands in defense.

Buffy frowned. "Who asked you?"

"Your sis..."

"Asked you what?"

He looked at her for a moment, taking the time to decide on the best answer, but soon throwing these thoughts away, realizing the two of them weren't interested in the same thing. As long as the Slayer probably had no idea what he was talking about, there was no reason to get into that. "What's up?"

She beheld him suspiciously, then shook her head, knowing exactly what Dawn had asked him to do without needing to hear it from him directly. She would officially set Angel's weapons, or for that matter, so some of his books, off limits for her younger sister later. Right now, there was something much more pressing she had to take care of. "It's not about Dawn. It's about Angel."

Gunn eased at her answer, but Buffy could clearly descry him tense, due to what was obviously another reason than Dawn, and one she would very much like to know. "Angel?" The Slayer nodded. "What's wrong with him? I know that you know, because it started since that talk you two had last night when we came back. Ever since, every time I even mention patrolling, or just going outside at night, he gets cranky. I know him long enough, Gunn. He only gets like that when there's something he's not telling me. Either he can't, or doesn't want to, really isn't the issue here. Because I'm going to find out." Her eyes pierced into his, seemingly having the power to intimidate him for reasons he couldn't even bring himself to comprehend. "And I'm going to find out through you."

"Hey, I don't-"

"But you know you do," she didn't let him finish. "And I know you do. And Angel knows, and he probably made you swear not to tell me or something along those lines. *But* you're going to tell me anyway. What did you talk to him about?"

Gunn pulled away, then glanced over her shoulder at the closed door of the vampire's office. He groaned helplessly, raising his eyes to the heaven for a moment and muttering something the Slayer couldn't hear.

"Well?" Buffy probed.

"He told me not to let you in because it'd worry you."

"*He* worries me, *already*, so it's too late for that. Call me selfish, I *don't* like seeing my boyfriend being eaten up by something and not knowing what it is." Her hard gaze softened for her upcoming words, and so did her voice, as she touched Gunn's arm gently. "Please. I'm all for keeping secrets like the next person, but *not* of this kind. I won't tell him you told me, I won't even mention it unless it's imperative that I do. I *just* want to know."

"There's this guy," he gave in. "This weird dude, hanging around the hotel..."

"Vampire?"

"No. Only during the day, never the night. It's been going on for some time, but first I didn't tell Angel because he was..." he made a pointless gesture with his hand, "you...know what he was. Next thing I know, you're back and he does a complete one-eighty. So I picked last night to tell him."

After a short consideration, Buffy asked, "What did he say? He knows this...guy?" "Well, here's the bitch, he can't tell. He doesn't really go out during daylight, you know."

"Okay." She took another moment to reflect upon their situation and looked up at Gunn again. "Then why is he so wigged out because of a stalker?"

"I'm not the one to ask," Gunn stepped back, holding up his palms. "And if you wanna continue pumping me for information in the future, so isn't he." Saying that, he waited for the Slayer to say something back, and when she didn't, he turned around and walked away.

Buffy watched him go, her eyes both thoughtful and confused at the same time. She trusted Gunn to have told her everything he knew, but what he didn't know was what bothered her the most. Perhaps he didn't even realize what it was, but what if he had told Angel something that could trigger all that concern but hadn't told her? And if he didn't even know what it was, which Buffy was sure he didn't, how would she ever be able to get it out of him?

Her eyes traveled towards Angel's office and stalled there for a short while, then she turned her head around and went looking for Dawn. She would keep her promise and not bring the subject up before Angel, but she would certainly do everything in her power to gather information without his help.

Go to Part 10