Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel and everyone else aren't mine and I think we all know that. Only the ghosts in this story are mine. The original idea came from Charles Dickens' "Christmas Carol", but other than the ghosts of the Christmas past, present and future, you'll find nothing here that will remind you of the story.
Rating: PG-13? If you watch the show, you can read it.
Spoilers: It takes place around Christmas of seasons 4&1, so to be safe - everything up to that point. Only a few exceptions: Oz and Willow never broke up (you decide if he left or not), Doyle never died and Riley never left the Initiative, and he knows about Angel.
Pairings: B/A, B/R, W/O, C/D, X/A.
Synopsis: Really can't tell you. It's Christmas, and being a Christmas obsessed person, the idea just got into my head and it wouldn't go, so I wrote it down and you're (maybe) about to read the outcome. I can't tell you exactly what happened, because it'll give away the plot, so...just read on:).
Distribution: If you want it, just ask.
Feedback: Pretty please?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The names in the story, Amara and Niran, both mean 'Eternal'. I just thought it'd fit the theme:).

Part 1 -

"Angel, I'm off!" Cordelia yelled over her shoulder, while exiting the outer office. She paused momentarily at the door, awaiting for the reply she knew wouldn't follow. The former cheerleader sighed, and gazed at the vampire, who was sitting alone in his office, seemingly not even aware of her leaving. She briefly cast her eyes to the floor, pondering over her next move, then determinedly started in the direction of her boss' office.

"Angel?" she flung the door open, striding in.

The vampire slowly gazed up from a book and shut it, reposing it on the desk in front of him. Without uttering a word, he eyed the brunette, awaiting for her to go on with what she had to say.

"You know," she mused, perching on the edge of his desk, "it's Christmas tomorrow night."

He groaned, rising from his chair and pacing over to a book-cabinet. There, he grabbed at the first book he laid eyes upon and started leafing through it, trying to appear deeply engrossed in the written. "I know," he replied evenly.

"Yeah, well," she paused. "Do you wanna go out?"

Angel rotated in her direction, almost dropping the book in the process.

Cordelia waved her hand dismissingly. "No offence, but you're not my type. Doyle and I are going out," she explained, "so I thought you'd maybe wanna tag along. Not like you have anything better to do," she remarked with a shrug.

He peered at her for a moment, not saying anything. "No," he finally let out. "Thanks, but...no," with that, he returned his attention to the bookshelf.

"Why the Hell not?" she demanded, not giving up that easily.

"Cordelia," Angel faced her again, "I appreciate the attempt...whatever you're trying to do, I really do, but..."

"Angel, it's one night!" she argued. "ONE night out of an entire year! Give me one night of your time, you can always go back to brooding afterwards."

He sighed, not really knowing how to get rid of her anymore. "I'm a vampire, Cordelia, we're not that big on Christmas..."

"You're my friend! I want you to take one night off from tormenting yourself and have some fun. You deserve this little bit of fun, Angel," the brunette kept insisting, while his eyes were clearly telling her she was fighting a losing battle.

"It's not exactly what I would put under 'fun'," he commented, chuckling to himself.

"That's right!" she raised her index finger as in in realization. "Brooding into the night in a dark room by yourself is fun. I bet Buffy..." she muted instantly following that one word, the one word that made all the difference. Well, she could definitely forget about ever getting him out after this little slip.

Angel's back stiffened, and he rotated to peer at his friend. Cordelia was quick enough to descry the flash of anguish in his eyes, which caused her to soften her tone. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

Angel held up his hand. "Take tomorrow off," he said, completely out of the blue, it being the last thing Cordelia had expected.

"What?" she didn't seem to follow.

"I said, take tomorrow off, and make it Christmas day as well. Same goes for Doyle. Have fun," he smiled. "I'll see you back in two days. Now, if you excuse me, I have work to do." He sank back into his large leather chair, reaching his hand for the book he had been reading when Cordelia had come in, but he never got a hold on it, because she snatched it out of his reach in the last second.

"Let me help you," she smirked, opening the book and offering it back to the vampire, with the photograph of the Slayer peering up at him from the page.

He swallowed hard and gazed up into his friend's eyes, which were both irritated and concerned, as his own flashed with pain again.

"She's not worth it," the brunette told him straightforwardly, walking away. When she reached the entrance to the office, she stopped, and whirled around. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me." With that, she strode off, leaving Angel alone with the picture of his love.

He picked it up from the desk, and peered at her smiling face longingly. "I wonder what you're doing now," he mused. "Was Cordelia right...or maybe you're thinking about the same thing I am?"

But the picture couldn't answer him, could it?

*********

"Buffy?" the Slayer's head shot up, and her eyes encountered the green ones of her best friend.

Willow frowned slightly. "I knew I lost you a while ago, but I just wasn't sure where. You back now?"

The blonde smiled at her. "Sorry. I was thinking. But now, I'm Buffy again," she assured.

 Willow grinned. "Are you a packed Buffy?" she surveyed the bags with her eyes.

"Absolutely," her friend announced.

"Good. Oz should be here any minute to pick us up," Willow announced cheerfully, her thoughts instantly drifting to spending the upcoming holidays with her boyfriend.

"Yeah," Buffy sighed, not too enthusiastically, as if her attention had drifted off again. "I can't wait to get home already," she amended with a beam.

"I'm sure Riley can't wait for you to get home either," her friend winked, and received an immediate response in the form of a flying pillow colliding with her face.

"Well, it just happens that Riley isn't there yet," the blonde stuck her tongue out at her friend, and surveyed the room in search for anything she might have forgotten to pack.

"How come?" Willow frowned, perching down on her bed.

"For the same reason he couldn't be here to pick me up. Something about the Initiative, he was called in at the last minute. But he said he'd be there in time for Christmas eve. I just hope he's gonna get there AFTER mom leaves for New York, if he's planning on showing up tomorrow morning."

"Why?"

The Slayer shrugged. "Just trying to avoid a third-degreed boyfriend."

"I see," Willow nodded, grinning impishly. "Someone's in trouble."

"As much as I appreciate the best-friend encouragement, Will, I'm not in trouble YET. Maybe I can just call Riley and ask him not to come early? You think there's a chance I catch him?"

"I think you should have introduced him to your mom ages ago, EXACTLY to avoid situations such as this. I don't get you, I mean...what's wrong with Riley? Nothing. And you don't have to tell her about the Initiative, and other than that...she'll be thrilled. I mean, he's a nice, HUMAN guy, not..." Willow bit her lip, just before saying something she'd only regret on later, not that she hadn't done enough already.

Buffy peered at her, her face wearing an expression Willow wasn't quite able to fathom. Angel. Not Angel. She couldn't help but wonder that moment what her mother would do, if she brought Angel home for Christmas, instead of Riley. It was the main reason why this year's Christmas felt so strange to her, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Somehow, in the back of her mind, she always thought Riley wouldn't be the one she'd spend Christmas eve with this year. She loved Riley, she was sure she did, she was supposed to, he was her boyfriend. But he wasn't Angel. Willow was right. With all the good qualities Riley possessed...he wasn't the person holding her in the snow. "No," she simply said. "Riley's not."

"Ready to move?" both girls were startled by Oz's voice, who that very moment appeared in the doorway.

*********

Angel stepped into the elevator, the book with Buffy's picture in it still held in his hand, and combed his other hand through his spiny hair, exhaling a sigh. It wasn't even midnight yet, and he felt he had never wanted to sleep more than he did now. He vainly hopped that the memories that were haunting him would give him a break at least in his sleep, while a small voice in his head prompted him he could forget about it. He hated Christmas. Or maybe 'hated' was a too harsh word, maybe he just... couldn't stand it. Yes, he was a vampire, but there was so much more to it. In the years following the return of his soul, the only thing that Christmas related to, according to him, was brooding about his past, even more than he did on regular basis. But that was until that one particular Christmas, when his past suddenly caught up with him. And that was the Christmas he couldn't get out of  his head now. It was even worse than the memories from the day he had turned back, that were still so painfully fresh in his heart and mind, if such thing was possible. A part of him couldn't help but long for the little town where his heart was. He had never wanted anything for Christmas...until now. There was nothing more he wanted than to hold her in his arms on Christmas eve, to saunter in the snow with her small little hand held tightly in his. And all that time, he knew there was someone else who was privileged enough to do the exact same things...with his girl.

He sighed heavily, and stepped out of the elevator, making his way to his bedroom. When he opened the door to it, he froze.

On his bed sat a little girl, not more than five years old. She had golden hair, and was wearing a white girly dress, suspending on two thin straps from her shoulders to her little bare feet, fair and glittering as if it was made of actual snow. Her long blond locks were trimmed into two braids, each fastened with a white silvery ribbon.

At his dumbfounded expression, the girl giggled impishly, burying her face in a white fuzzy teddy bear.

Angel blinked, but she still wouldn't vanish. "Who are you?" he finally asked, as soon as he found his voice again. "What is your name?"

"Amara," she said, her face lighting in a childish beam.

"Amara," the vampire echoed, his lips curving up in a slight ironic smile. "And who are you?" he kneeled in front of her.

"A ghost," she replied, and shrugged, still grinning, and buried her face in her toy again, until only her blue smiling eyes remained visible for Angel. A moment later, she climbed down from the bed, making Angel rise to his feet and follow her out of the bedroom.

In the middle of his living room, Amara stopped and turned around. Clutching her bear to her chest with one hand, she reached the other for Angel, who seemed to hesitate. It was obvious to him something wasn't quite normal about that girl, and he had no idea if that something was good or bad.

"I came to take you," she let him know, still holding out her small hand for his, but not moving an inch from where she was standing.

"Take me where?" he inquired.

"You'll see," she beamed, and before he knew what was happening to him, Angel found himself accepting her offered hand and clutching it in his.

*********

"You could have told me you were leaving tonight and not tomorrow," the Slayer remarked, while she and her mother were descending from the second floor.

"Honey, I didn't know myself up until a couple of hours ago," Joyce explained, taking her suitcase from her daughter.

"Yeah, but," Buffy sighed. "I guess I just thought we could spend some time together. I mean...that's it, right? I'm not even gonna see you, until two days after New Year's eve."

Joyce smiled, cupping Buffy's cheek with her free hand. "Either that, or I'll be back on the twenty-eight's. Depends on how everything will work out. Honey, I'm so sorry I can't be home Christmas eve..."

"I know," Buffy nodded, forcing a smile, then leaned forward and kissed her mother's cheek. "I'll be fine, don't worry." *Years of practice,* she mused.

"Maybe you could have your friends over, and Mr. Giles?" her mother suggested with a smile. "You could do something together, it'll be like Thanksgiving."

*Which is another holiday you missed.* "Yeah, I might," the blonde returned her a grin.

The elder woman sighed, then regained her smile. "I hope you'll have a very special Christmas, sweetie," she briefly kissed her daughter's cheek, squeezed her hand, and opened the front door.

"You too," Buffy smiled back. "Bye, mom." She locked the door after her mother, and headed back up to her room, until a knock on the door caused her to stop.

The Slayer whirled around, groaning in playful annoyance. "I knew you didn't pack everything!" she yelled, while approaching the door, hoping her mother could hear her on the other side. But when she opened the door, it wasn't Joyce she found there.

"Who are you?" she asked the little boy who was standing at the door, frowning at him. He was approximately five or six years old, and had a curly blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He was barefoot, and wore nothing but a small white overall. The fabric was dazzlingly white, and sparkled like it was trimmed with millions of tiny starts.

The boy smiled, boring into her eyes with his large ones. "I'm a ghost," he whispered, in a soft childish voice.

"Are you now," Buffy squatted before him, beaming. "And does this little ghost have a name?"

"Niran," the boy answered, smiling coyly.

"Well, did you lose your mommy, or something?" she asked, not really knowing what to do. She wasn't really accustomed to having little children around, and what's worse, this particular child didn't seem to her like the kind that loses their parents. However, he did answer all the demands to a 'call Giles at once' situation. And all in all, she had never met a demon who looked so adorably innocent. "You wanna come in?"

Niran shook his head, but didn't move, only reached out his small hand for hers.

"You want me to come out?" she asked, standing up.

He nodded, grinning. "I came to take you."

"Take me where?" Buffy wanted to know.

"You'll see," he replied, and she abruptly felt his soft little hand in hers, and everything turned white.

Part 2 -

AN - text between ' // ' is phrases said, or things done in the past.

*********

"Where are we?" Angel gazed around himself in wonder, then looked back down at the small girl, whose hand was held tightly in his.

"You don't remember?" she asked, beaming, then looked away.

Angel sighed, and surveyed their surroundings anew. Of course, he remembered. He remembered every detail. He even remembered more than he wanted to. Inwardly, he couldn't help but wonder who or what could possibly be cruel enough to make him go through it again, choosing Christmas of all days to do that. As if him reminiscing wasn't enough, they needed to bring him back there, to experience everything all over again. Then a thought occurred to him; what if he wasn't there to experience anything? What if he was just there to watch it? Abruptly, Angel wasn't sure which of the two was worse...

"Why did you bring me here?" he asked Amara.

"To show you," she whispered, smiling up at him, her blue eyes twinkling with a light of their own.

"Show me what?" he didn't understand.

She shrugged. "You'll know when you see it."

Angel chuckled bitterly, shaking his hand. Something told him the Oracles definitely had a part in all this. If there was anyone more cryptic than he in the world, it was the two of them, and it was definitely their style. Following that realization, came another one; if the Oracles were responsible, nothing good could come out of it.

Amara peered up at his concerned features, as always, smiling, then she let go of his hand, for the first time, and her palm was suddenly filled with silvery stardust. She threw it in the air, and the still world around them came back to life before Angel's astounded eyes.

*********

When Buffy opened her eyes, she gasped, instinctively pinching herself. She felt a huge lump in her throat, and she swallowed, closing her eyes several times, hoping everything would be gone once she reopened them. But as much as she tried, everything remained the same, and memories ruthlessly washed over her, everything she had been trying to suppress for months, to create the foundations for her 'normal' life. These were her most painful memories, and together with the pain, in the darkest corner of her heart, she couldn't help to think that it was the best Christmas present ever. Love hurt, she knew that. God, no one knew that better than she did. But love was real. HE was real. And she had just realized she had completely forgotten what 'real' was like...

"Why am I here?" she asked the little boy at her side.

He shrugged, beaming, then motioned for her with his free hand to kneel down.

Buffy did as asked, and Niran stood on his toes to reach her ear. "It's magic," he whispered

The Slayer smiled, looking at the images in front of her again, and her smile received a melancholic touch to it. "I see," she nodded, rising back to her feet.

"Real magic," the boy nodded, assuring her with a grin.

"And are you going to tell me who's responsible for this?" the Slayer inquired.

Niran shook his head, not answering her question.

"And why am I here?" she tried. "Can you tell me that?"

He shook his head again, smiling, and pulled his hand out of hers. "Watch," he said, tossing stardust in the air, and the silent world about the two of them instantly woke up as if from a deep sleep.

*********

"My people, before I was changed, they exchanged it as a sign of devotion. It's a Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart, well...you know. Wear it with the heart pointed towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this," Angel's lips moved with the words he remembered by heart from so long ago, while watching his past-self performing the act. He gazed at the little blonde Slayer, bitterly chuckling at the fact she was obviously not listening to what her lover was saying, but instead, gazing at him with desperate tearful eyes. The only meaning this ring had for her was goodbye.

He saw his former girlfriend leaning forward and softly brushing her lips over the ring on his younger-self's finger. Angel squeezed his eyes shut against the threatening tears, reliving the feeling of her soft warm lips against his cold skin. "Tell her," he silently pleaded with his younger-self, "tell her you love her. Tell her and leave. Never come back," he said, while the past-Angel was struggling to find his words, "but let her know you love her."

"He can't hear you," Amara reminded him, her tone uncharacteristically grave. "He can't see you."

Angel's pained gaze traveled down to meet hers, then back at the couple, at the exact second the vampires jumped them.

*********

// "I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop."

"Me...me too. I can't either." //

"I can't either," Buffy echoed softly, biting her lip to prevent the tears that were already running down her face. She wrapped her arms around herself, and closed her eyes, longing for the peaceful feeling from that night to return, but she couldn't find it. No matter how hard she looked within her soul, there was no peace. There had been no peace ever since that night. She had lost so much more than her innocence then, she realized, so much more than she would ever be able to gain, and what she had lost, she would never be able to gain. The closest thing she had had to peace ever since, was the feel of him in her arms, but she didn't even have that anymore. That night robbed her from the peace, while its repercussions robbed her with time from the next best thing.

"Don't," she whispered, reaching out her hand for her younger-self, trying to touch her, as if in an attempt to pull her back from her vampire boyfriend, but it took her less than a moment to realize she herself wasn't more than just air. "Leave him alone," she cried, while the younger Buffy shushed her Angel with a finger to his lips, later catching them in a soft kiss.

"You'll lose him tonight," the Slayer whispered, "you'll lose him forever."

"She can't hear you," Niran prompted her, squeezing her hand and urging her to look at him. "Let her do her mistakes. Without understanding them, you'll not be able to fix the future," he told her, overly serious for a five-years-old.

Buffy sniffled, and gulped, as the couple before them slowly faded away.

*********

// The Slayer slowly stood up, peering around the cold mansion in an odd mixture of pain and despair, sighing heavily. After a beat, she rotated, and started walking away, until her form completely disappeared from the large hall. //

"Why are you showing me this?" Angel probed Amara, his gaze sadly following Buffy until she was gone from his sight. "I wasn't there, I'm not supposed to see this."

The little girl merely shook her head and pointed with her hand at the spot where the Claddagh Buffy had left was still lying on the ground. "I have to show you the past," she whispered, as the ground started to shake and the skies right above the ring opened and a naked form fell through the portal and landed on the cold stony floor. "And you have to learn how to fix the future. I show you what they tell me to show you." She opened her small palm and held it up for Angel.

The vampire's gaze left his past-self's lying form and turned to the girl, picking up the ring from her palm, just as his younger-self picked up the same ring from the ground.

"It is your future," Amara whispered, beaming again, just like the little girl she was.

*********

// "What is done can not be undone," the man insisted.

"What is not yet done can be avoided," the woman dismissed his words.

"Temporal folds are not to indulge at...the whims of lower beings..."

"You are wrong!" she persisted. "This one is willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love he's ever known for another. He is NOT a lower being."

"There is one way," he agreed, "but it is not to be undertaken lightly."

"We swallow this day," his companion continued, "as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours from the moment the demon first attacked you, we take it back."

Angel peered at her carefully. "Then none of this happened, and Buffy and I... What...what will stop us from doing the exact same thing again?"

"You," she told him, "you alone will carry the memory of this day. Can you carry that burden?" //

Buffy gazed at the scene playing out before her with tearful eyes. She toppled to her knees, just as a heartbreaking sob escaped her lips and, covering her face with her hands.

A minute later, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up, right into the familiar eyes of a thirteen-years-old boy, who only a second ago was years younger. But somehow, Buffy didn't give much notice to his rapidly changing age. "He did it," she whispered, her eyes pleading with him to promise her what she had just seen hadn't really happened. "He turned it back, he did it. He gave up his life...he DIED for me! God, why?!"

Niran smiled, holding out his hand to help her back to her feet. He pointed at a spot before them, and the backdrop of the Oracles transformed into a burning fireplace in the old mansion on Crawford St. Buffy remembered only too well.

*********

// "Are you sure you want to stay here?" Angel asked Buffy, while the two were pacing down the snow-coated street.

She nodded, beaming, and snuggled closer to him, fastening her arms around his waist. "There's nowhere else I want to be."

He grinned, and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you," he whispered.

His girlfriend looked up. "What for?"

"For believing in me, in that I might become someone worthy one day."

"You ARE worthy," she corrected. "You're worthy of redemption," she added in a whisper.

The vampire smiled bitterly. "Maybe I will be, one day." He halted his walk and turned around, facing his Slayer. "I'll earn it," he told her, peering her in the eyes. "I'll earn my redemption one day, and then I'll deserve it. And when I do, I'll owe it all to you, and I'll share it with you, because you made me understand..." his voice faded off, as he cast down his eyes.

"Understand what?" Buffy asked, lifting his chin back up.

"That...there are things worth fighting for," he finished.

She smiled, and rose on her tiptoes, meeting his lips in a tender kiss. //

"Some promises I made," Angel remarked ruefully, talking to himself, rather than to Amara, or to anyone else. "I think that already then I knew I was going to leave her. I thought I understood...but I didn't. SHE was my redemption. Instead of finding it, I let it slip right through my fingers. What I've been fighting for...my redemption...it's something I lost a long time ago."

"Then maybe you were wrong," he heard a voice next to him.

The vampire frowned, wondering who that voice might have belonged to, although it was familiar. When he turned to its source, he found Amara, only now she abruptly appeared about seven years older. His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, she beamed, that same innocent smile, reassuring all his worries and fears.

"We have to go now," she said.

"Where?" he managed.

"To the present."

*********

"I love you," she heard her former boyfriend swear to her younger-self, tears glistening in his candid chocolate orbs, "nothing can change that. Not even death."

And the scene dissolved back to the Oracles' dimension.

"I love you too," Buffy whispered, the newly regained memories of the once forgotten day barely leaving her enough clarity time to form these four words. She made a vow, that if she was ever to get out of whatever dreamscape she now was in, the first thing she would do would be to tell these same words to Angel. She would make sure he knew, no matter how hard it would be, and how agonizing it would be to say goodbye again afterwards, she would make sure he knew how much she loved him.

"I'm glad you remembered that," Niran remarked, rather sarcastically, albeit his voice was everything but. Then he smiled, peering up at her. "Remember to keep your vow."

Before Buffy could reply, everything around them faded into white.

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