Rating: umm...I'm thinking along the lines of PG...in the meantime. Who knows what the future might bring:).
Disclaimer: nope, last time I checked, nothing was mine.
Spoilers: well...better safe than sorry: everything up to the end of season 3 can be spoilery.
Synopsis: I have a strange drive to rewrite season 3 of BtVS. I just don't seem to like the way it ended...beats me why. Anyway, so despite the fact that the original plan was to begin with "Helpless" (that's around the time everything really started getting screwed up B/A-wise), as you can see, plan's changed and I'm going to start with "Anne". If you expect to find in this series events/quotes from the original season....I seriously mean it - I'll try my hardest keeping them to the very minimum. But all in all - it's probably a yet another attempt to end the season on a more "positive" B/A level. See how it goes:).
Pairing: the conventional ships: B/A, W/O, C/X. If I decide to torture any/all of them, you'll be the first to know:).
Distribution: ask first.
Feedback: please, yes, please.

Is there somewhere else to be
Take me in
I want out
That's all I need
I wish I could run from everything

- Vast, "Somewhere Else to Be"

************

Buffy yawned and rubbed her eyes, as she was tiredly descending the stairs on Monday morning, on her way to the kitchen for a very needed coffee. If there had ever been a day Buffy wished she hadn't woken up in the morning, as far as she remembered, that was it.

It was a school day, and the aftermath of the past weekend, and in the back of her mind, Buffy already knew it was going to be a disaster, to say the least.

Ever since his return from Hell, Angel was mostly known for keeping his emotions and feelings as composed as it was possible for someone in his condition, and so was she, because the last thing she wanted was to possibly upset him and increase his pain with even the smallest revelation of her own, thus they had been avoiding the subject they should have discussed as thoroughly as was possible all that time, out of considerations for the other and due to reasons of their own.

Buffy knew it was best for her not to talk about anything, unless it's brought up by Angel himself. She wasn't at all convinced that leaving the choice in his hands was the way to handle the situation, but it still remained the *only* way. She was perfectly aware of the fact that his experience in Hell had left him permanently scared, no matter what the future held for him, and no matter how many good things happened in his life. A part of him, as small as it might be, will always remain broken underneath the surface, and it probably was what hurt her the most. It was no longer only about the guilt, it was also about the helplessness that regardless to what she did, she would never be able to bring him back to normal, and neither would he. He had had breakdowns before, and she had always been around in time to prevent them from getting worse, and that was probably the reason why none of them had ever come close to what had happened on Sunday night. Everything that had been pent up within him all these months burst out, bringing him to a mental state in which she had never seen him before in her life. At some point, she hadn't known at all how to calm him, because nothing she had done had helped, and if the fatigue hadn't overwhelmed him, she didn't know what she would have done, because nothing had been in her power anymore. She soon realized that last night had shaken her almost as much as it had Angel, and she didn't know how she would go through 'the day after'.

For starters, there was Xander to deal. She didn't have any proof he had an active part in last night's events, but nor did she have any proof he didn't. It would suit his character perfectly to drive Angel to that point of despair, and she knew it, though she also knew he didn't have to do much to evoke these emotional state in her lover and he probably hadn't even imagined that whatever he had done would have such acute consequences. They hadn't been on friendly terms nowadays, and as she thought back, she almost couldn't remember the times when they *had been* on such terms. It had seemed like ages ago. She didn't know how she would face him after everything that had happened, and there was nothing she was more afraid of than that. It had hurt her losing one of her best friends, and when she had made her choice and let him go, she had known that even Angel's embrace seldom wouldn't be sufficient to replace a thing as trifling as one of Xander's jokes. Avoiding him in the halls, or even worse – in the library, was unfeasible even as an idea, especially after last night.

And then there was Faith. Never in her life, had Buffy thought she would ever *thank* her sister Slayer for something. Disregarding her genuine feelings for the vampire were, and her opinion of the relationship between Buffy and him, *she* had saved Angel's life last night. By doing that, the brunette had not only done the one thing the blonde hadn't thought she would *ever* do, but also gained the blonde's *complete* trust, and put her in a debt Buffy would never be able to pay back. Buffy didn't know how she would explain Faith the transformation the Slayer had made in her eyes, and she was fully aware of that talking about feelings of *any* kind with Faith probably wasn't the best idea, but she was still going to go through with it. She had to. Buffy wasn't sure that even people as close to her as her best friends or her Watcher would act the same as the brunette Slayer had, having been in her shoes at that crucial moment.

"Good morning."

Buffy sharply turned her head to the left, almost jumping backwards in surprise.

Her mother, of all, was calmly sitting by the kitchen table on a cup on coffee, her fingers abstractly tapping the hem of the mug, as she was firmly holding her daughter's gaze. Her eyes said it all, without Buffy even needing to ask anything.

"Mom…mom, I can explain," she tried.

"Oh, I believe you," Joyce nodded, her expression utterly serious. "God knows I could, when I was your age."

"I have school…"

"You'll be late to school today, young lady," the woman unequivocally pointed at the empty chair in front of her, leaving Buffy no choice, and the Slayer gulped, slowly making her way towards the woman. "For someone who is so convinced she can *explain*, you're being awfully quiet," she remarked.

The blonde lifted her eyes from the floor and looked at her mother. "It's not what you think…"

"Don't even try that line on me," she held up her hand. "When I return home earlier than expected from a business trip and find my under-aged, only daughter in bed with another man in a way you can barely say when one ends and the other begins, I expect to hear something better than this!"

"Mom, we didn't do anything!" Buffy exclaimed. That certainly wasn't the perfect way to break her mother the news of Angel's return, but the Slayer had already realized she didn't have a choice. "Why can't you just trust me?"

Joyce's eyes widened. "I find you having sex with a man I don't know, under *my* roof, no less…"

"First of all, you know him," the Slayer muttered inaudibly, looking down from her mother to her lap.

"Really?"

"You met him," Buffy said, lowering her voice even more, bringing a not-at-all pleasant memory to the surface, "around the time his demon was kind enough to tell you about sleeping with your under-aged only daughter on the night of her seventeenth birthday." She looked up at her mother, patiently awaiting for her reaction.

Joyce was clearly taken aback, losing all ability to speak when what Buffy had told her finally sunk in.

"And…" she swallowed, taking a deep breath, "Angel hasn't touched me in…*that* way…ever since."

"Angel?" her mother slowly articulated the name, gaping at her. Then she shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. "Are we talking about the same *Angel* here?"

"There is only *one* Angel," Buffy assured, "and we're not talking about him. At least not now," she stood up to leave. "Just do me a favor and stay out of my room until I get back from school. Assuming he wakes up before that, which is a long shot, *he* won't come out. Trust me."

"Buffy, get back here right now!" the blonde's attitude towards the matter had clearly left Joyce unsatisfied. As someone who had just been informed of that her daughter's dead vampire lover was no longer dead, she thought she was handling the situation rather well. At least she wasn't panicked yet, nor in any sort of denial, which for her was a good sign. But she certainly couldn't let the Slayer dismiss the news she had just broken her as though it had no significance whatsoever.

"Mom, I can't," Buffy told her firmly, making it clear that now wasn't the time for the talk her mother wanted to have so urgently. "Not now, okay? I promise, I'll explain everything, but I can't…now."

The ringing of the doorbell made her stop when she reached the bottom of the stairs. She exchanged a look with her mother, wordlessly asking her who it might be at that hour of the morning and headed to answer it.

"Xander?" she uttered his name softly as she opened the door, with only a little perceptible surprise.

The boy nodded, but didn't say anything. He was unable to lift his eyes from the ground and look directly at her, and it only added awkwardness to the situation.

Buffy tried to make a rational sentence though she, too, couldn't bring herself to put two words together. "What…what are you doing here?"

"I came to walk you to school," he replied poorly, knowing he lived closer to the Sunnydale high than to the Slayer's house.

She nodded, obviously having not perceived the lameness of his answer. "I…I'm not rea-"

"I'll wait," he sharply looked up as he cut her sentence, then instantly looked back down.

"Okay," she exhaled tensely and moved back to let him in.

************

"I…don't really know where to begin," Xander observed, as the two were slowly pacing down the street on their way to school.

"I can't really help you with that," his companion remarked, unsure of what else to say.

"Yeah, I get that," he smirked, nervously rubbing his palms together. Suddenly, he grabbed Buffy's shoulders and stopped her, swiftly turning her until she faced him.

The blonde beheld him expectantly for several seconds while he was gathering his thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed, but just as the Slayer was about to respond, he grimaced, shaking his head. "No, I'm not sorry."

She sighed in bitter acknowledgement, nodding, and wriggled out of his grip, resuming her silent walk to school, not even bothering to check if he was following her.

A second later, Xander was again by her side. This time, he grabbed her more resolutely, and without releasing her shoulders, dragged her to the nearest bench and seated her down. "Let me get this out," he held up his hands before she would say anything else, looking down into her eyes. "Just…let me get this out. Okay?"

Buffy agreed, a bit confused, silently watching as he sat down next to her.

"Yesterday…when I saw the…when I saw Angel…I didn't know things were that bad," he struggled through the sentence, fighting with his stubborn dislike of the ensouled vampire, careful not to blurt something he shouldn't.

"They're not that bad," the Slayer whispered, more to convince herself than her friend, and at his questioning look added softly, "most of the times."

"I see," he nodded. "Look, then I don't know what happened yesterday, okay? I have no idea how 'out of the ordinary' was *that*. All I know is that…it freaked me out. I never saw him that way."

"I never saw him that way either," she admitted quietly, keeping her eyes fixed on the asphalt.

Xander inhaled a deep breath, shaking his head. "I get it now," he said simply, shrugging in defeat. "I was angry with you. It wasn't even Angel anymore, it was…you. It was the fact you told everyone else, but you kept it a secret from me," he glanced up at her to see if she was listening. "I'm *still* angry with you," his lips twitched up in a half-smiled he knew didn't fit the theme of the conversation. "But…I'm still sorry."

"Sorry?" she echoed, gazing up.

"Yeah, that," the boy acknowledged, deciding if he already started, he would go all the way. "I was an asshole. I got that last night."

"Good choice of words," Buffy pointed out.

"Don't get me wrong…"

"I'd say I got you just right," she observed with a shrug.

"I still don't like him," Xander let her know.

"I never asked you to like him, Xan. All I asked from you was to let him be, and frankly, it's not that hard, once you think about it. Whatever reasons you think you have to hate him…I don't even wanna know. But I need *you* to know this," she put her hand over his and made him meet her eyes. "Angel, whether you like it or not, is my boyfriend, and I love him. And he's in a much worse state than you can even conceive, and the crap you constantly throw his way is the *last* thing he needs, and honestly, it's the last thing *I* need. I don't ask you to become his best friend. Just…to leave him alone. He and Angelus aren't the same being, and I need you to understand that."

Her friend nodded. "I get that. I'll be off his back, from now on, I'll...stay away. I...trust you," he sighed. "So the two of you can do whatever you want," he waved his hand lightly, but Buffy could easily perceive how tense he truly was. "You know, what…what happened last night…" he averted his gaze.

"I know," the blonde smiled, squeezing his hand.

"You do?" Xander's head shot up in alarm.

"I don't need to be a brain to figure that out," she remarked with a pointed look.

"Then why'd you agree to talk to me?" he wanted to know.

Buffy chuckled. "For the same reason you came to walk me to school." She leaned over and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you," she whispered. "You have no idea how much it means to me."

He inwardly smiled with relief, hugging her back. "I think I have a pretty good idea."

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