PART 1

A miracle\\

"Wow, it’s really drab out there," Willow murmured, looking out the window in her bedroom.

"Drab? What kind of a word is drab?" Xander teased, running a comb through her hair and reaching for a clip.

"It’s a very ... descriptive word. And it’s what’s - ow! I asked you to braid my hair, not rip it out!"

Xander ignored her outburst, beginning on a lopsided braid. "Okay, drab is good. It’s like dreary, right?"

"Yes, Xander," Willow said patiently. "Drab is like dreary. It’s been raining for four days straight. We haven’t seen rain like this in years. Or ever."

"We have so," Xander argued, dropping the butterfly clip. Not letting go of Willow’s hair, he reached under the bed for it.

"OW! XANDER!"

"Sorry," Xander apologized. "Anyway, when Buffy turned seventeen and got horizontal with Angel and -"

"Xander," Willow warned softly.

Xander looked at Willow’s sad face. He kissed her gently on the forehead. "I’m sorry, Will."

Willow shook her head. "No, it’s okay. I just ... I guess, I mean, I’d think that after a year I’d be over the whole thing ... or at least, not so jumpy. But ... well, I’m not. But I guess that’s pretty obvious."

"Neither am I, Willow," Xander told her honestly. "I’m trying not to think about it."

"You’re trying to forget her?" Willow whispered.

Xander shook his head. "You know as well as I do that that would be impossible - even if I *wanted* to ... which I don’t. But ... she left, Willow. And we can’t bring her back."

"Why not?" Willow asked, her voice rising in pitch.

Xander halted his actions with her hair, setting the brush down on the nighttable. "You can’t find someone that doesn’t want to be found. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped."

"Why did Angel do this to her?"

Xander shook his head. "Will, I don’t have the answer to that. Angel has the answer to that. Buffy probably knows the answer to that, wherever she is. But I don’t. If they wanted us to know, they would have told us."

"Buffy told me what Angel said," Willow said slowly. "But ... I don’t get how he could leave her hurting *so much* that she’d just leave."

Xander shook his head sadly, turning Willow gently to face him. "Angel didn’t force Buffy to runaway."

"Yes, he did!" Willow protested. "He did twice! This is the second time she ran away ... a-and, the first time, it was because of Angel, too ... remember, he went bad, and she sent him to Hell, and ran away, and -"

"Angel didn’t make Buffy runaway," Xander repeated, very softly. "Willow, look at me." When she glanced up at him, teary-eyed, his heart nearly broke, but he continued. "No one made Buffy run away but Buffy. She may have been upset because of Angel, but he didn’t make her run away."

"You don’t even like Angel."

Xander took a deep breath. "I’ve always been jealous of Angel. When Buffy moved here, I wanted her, and Angel got her, without even trying. Even when they couldn’t be together, she didn’t even look at other guys, she was still head over heels for Angel. And me, I tried and tried to get her to just notice me that way, and she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. It was embarrassing, and I hated him for it. But he’s not a bad guy, Will. She loved him, he couldn’t be. No matter how hard she tried not to."

"But when he lost his soul -"

"I still loved her, then. And I was jealous, again. She had chosen her sworn enemy over her best friend. And I had pined after her. I just wanted to scream ‘I told you so’ ... yell at her that she could have been so much better off had she been with me from the start ... I was angry at her, for loving him so much that she literally took his soul away ... and we had to deal with the repercussions. But she didn’t know, Willow, and I know you know that because you were on her side from the beginning."

"I know," she agreed thickly.

"They were soulmates ... as much as it hurt me to finally admit it ... I know they were. And when he bit her, sucked her blood, and the fact that she let him ... he could have killed her, and he nearly did. And I was so scared for her life ... and I was angry that he had put her in so many dangerous situations. But, Will, that’s what love is. It’s just one dangerous situation after another ... but in a good way."

Willow nodded, sniffling. "Yeah."

"I didn’t come to terms with all this until after she was gone. And then I wished she was here, so I could tell her. That I knew Angel never hurt her. That I knew they shared something special. That I knew she was hurting, and I wanted to help her. But Angel didn’t make her run away. She did."

"She was scared," Willow defended her absent friend.

"Yes. She was. I’m not judging her, Willow. I’m just stating a fact. She was afraid ... of love ... or of not being loved. And so she ran. It’s not the answer. And it’s not what Angel would have wanted from her. It’s not what Angel made her do."

"I know." Willow broke down at that moment, sobbing brokenly. "Xander, I miss her so much!"

"Shh ... don’t cry," he begged, pulling her into his arms and stroking her hair gently. "It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. We’ll help each other."

"She didn’t even say good-bye," Willow choked. "She just left! She said she was going to go patrolling ... and she ran. We shouldn’t have let her go patrolling so soon after Angel ... this is our fault, Xander. This is MY fault. I was the last one to see her ... I offered to help her patrol, she said no, no, I should stay with my dad, because he was sick."

Xander pulled away slightly from Willow. "Willow. Were you listening to a word I said?"

Willow nodded numbly, tears still streaking down her cheeks.

"This isn’t your fault. This is no one’s fault. NO ONE. Not you, or me, or Angel, or Giles, or Faith, or Ginny, or ANYONE. It’s just something that happened. There are no faults." Xander used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "Are you going to be okay?"

Willow nodded quickly, swallowing a sob. "Yeah. Fine."

"Good." Xander kissed her cheek. "Then -"

There was a knock on the Willow’s French doors.

"Who is it?" Willow asked Xander softly, her back to the doors.

"Ginny," Xander told her, standing up and taking Willow’s hands to pull her up as well. He made his way over to the doors, opening them.

"Hello," Ginny said, a slight accent in her voice. She shook her dark hair out of her face. "Is this an unfavorable time?"

"Always with the big vocab," Xander murmured with a smile. "What’s the what?"

Willow came to stand next to him, leaning against him. "It’s fine," she assured Ginny. "Is everything okay? You’re back from patrol early."

"No vampires. Not a one. I stopped by Mr. Giles’ house, and he said he had something of importance to tell you, if you two would not mind stopping by with me now."

"Okay," Willow agreed, a smile gracing her face.

Xander looked at Ginny, motioning with his head towards Willow. Ginny shook her head sadly, looking at her hands. "I’m sorry."

The smile was gone from Willow’s face as quickly as it had appeared, and she took Xander’s hand in hers. "I guess we should go see what Giles wants."

"Yeah." Xander nodded, not letting on that he, too, had been hoping that Buffy had returned. "Let’s go."

PART 2

For a miracle\\

"Hey, G-Man!" Xander smacked Giles on the back, letting go of Willow’s hand. "What’s up? Apocalypse? End of the world? Nasty, slimy demons?"

Giles removed his glasses and shook his head. "Something potentially more dangerous, it seems."

"More dangerous than the end of the world? The end of pornos?!"

"Xander! This is serious!" Giles shouted, slamming his fist down on his desk.

"I was serious, too," he murmured, and Willow giggled.

Giles glared at both of them and turned to Ginny. "Would you care to see the prophecy?"

"Yes, Sir," she agreed, leaning over his shoulder to look at the book. After reading a moment, she frowned in confusion. "I do not understand. It is very confusing."

Giles sighed. "Yes, it is. Basically, it is saying that we are up against an evil like no other."

"How’s that?" Xander asked.

"A vampire, I think, and -"

"Oooh, there’s an evil like no other." Xander’s grin dissolved when Willow hit him and Giles glared. "Sorry," he amended quickly.

"As I was saying, a vampire will come, I believe. She will be strong -"

"It’s a she? A she-vamp? I could kick her ass any -"

"XANDER!" Giles yelled. "Could you possibly keep your trap closed long enough for me to finish this explanation before the prophecy takes effect?!"

Xander put a hand over his mouth and gave Giles a thumbs-up, nodding.

"Thank you," Giles gritted out. "*As I was saying*, she will be stronger than any average vampire, rivaling even the Master with her power. She is cruel and inhumane, beyond the call of vampire-duty."

"Worse than Angelus?" Willow asked meekly, expecting Giles to lash out at her.

Giles looked up at her and nodded gravely. "Much."

Willow gave a tiny shriek. "What do we do? H-How come we never heard about her before?"

"I am not certain," Giles murmured. "There is no information on her in any Watcher’s Diaries, so -"

"Is she a newbie?" Xander cut in.

"I don’t believe so," Giles began, and Ginny nodded in agreement.

"There is no possible way that a new vampire could be that powerful. She must have been in seclusion ..."

"Hey, maybe she killed everyone she ever met and anyone that was going to write about her and then burned their books and ohhhh," Willow moaned, burying her face in Xander’s chest and sobbing.

"What do we do?" Xander asked, running a hand over Willow’s hair.

"Well, uh, obviously Buffy is not here, nor is Faith -"

"Yeah, but we have Faith’s replacement." Xander nodded towards Ginny, who gave him a tiny smile.

"I’m aware of that. And, Ginny, while I don’t doubt your strength, you will not be able to conquer her alone. She is very strong, and you are still new to slaying, and barely fifteen."

"But I must fight!" Ginny protested, looking at Giles in surprise.

"Yes," Giles agreed morosely. "Because you are the Slayer, you must fight. But -"

"We’ll help," Xander volunteered softly.

"Thank you," Giles told him, "But I can not ask that of you. You are not of Slayer or vampire strength, you can not possibly participate in a fight. It would be suicide."

"It would be noble," Xander corrected.

"It would still be suicide."

"I could do a spell!" Willow piped up with a sniffle.

Giles shook his head. "I don’t believe she can be killed through a spell - most vampires can’t."

"I could surprise her with a pencil in the heart, o-or a tree branch!" Willow suggested, silently begging Giles to agree.

Giles shook his head sadly. "Willow, no. You can’t. I’m sorry. A pencil likely would not harm her. A tree branch, possibly, but she is extremely fast and would turn on you and pounce."

"Then what do we do?" Willow whispered shakily.

"We call Angel," Giles said.

*****

"ANGEL!" Cordelia yelled. "ANGEL!"

Angel appeared from the bathroom, his lower half wrapped in a towel.

"Oooh," Cordelia murmured, a smile spreading over her face.

"Cordelia? Was there something you needed that couldn’t wait?"

"You ... uh ... you have a phone call," Cordelia said quickly. "On, on the phone ... a call ... my God I sound like Willow! Oh, she’s on the phone."

"Willow is?" Angel asked in surprise.

"Yeah, but I don’t think she knows where Buffy is. She sounded pretty upset. Hey, maybe they found Buffy’s body! I mean, that would suck, but at least it would be closure, right?"

Angel growled, snatching the phone from her. "Go do something useful."

"But -"

"Now," he snapped, then said, into the phone, "Willow?"

"Angel," came the sigh of relief from the other end. "Angel, you have to help us."

"What’s wrong?" Angel asked, fear rising in him.

"It’s this new prophecy, this strong vampire, and she’s going to kill us all and oh Angel you have to come!"

"Slow down," Angel suggested soothingly. "A prophecy that says what?"

"A new vampire will come to town, and she’s really dangerous, like, Master strength, and if we don’t do something we’ll die ..."

"Does it say she can be stopped?" Angel asked quickly, jotting down what Willow jotting down what Willow was telling him.

"I-I don’t think it says," Willow told him. "But, Angel, Giles said we *need* you to come here and help Ginny fight."

"I’m on my way." Angel dropped the phone back into the cradle and hurried to get changed.

"Angel? Where are you going?" Cordelia asked, coming into the living room, a lemonade in her hand.

"To Sunnydale." He turned to leave, then turned back and grabbed her hand. "C’mon."

"Wh-What?!"

"You’re coming, too." Angel began to leave, dragging her out with him, not paying any heed to the glass of lemonade that fell to the floor and shattered.

*****

"He-he hung up," Willow informed the group.

"Is he coming?" Xander asked in a rush.

Willow nodded quickly. "He said he was, and then he hung up."

"He’s ... uh ... on his way *now*?" Giles asked in surprise.

Willow bobbed her head again. "That’s what he said ..."

Giles let out a sigh and ran his hands over his face tiredly. "I have some more research to do ... and Ginny should probably begin training ... Willow, Xander, will you two go down to Willy’s and see if he has any information?"

"We’re on it," Xander agreed, taking Willow’s hand again and pulling her towards the door.

"Okay," Willow agreed, moving with Xander. She stopped and turned back to face Giles. "And Giles? Don’t worry. We’ll be okay. Even without her."

Giles gave Willow a grateful half-smile. "Thank you," he told her gently.

Willow smiled back and then heeded Xander’s insistent tugs on her arm, following him out the door.

"We’ll be okay, right?" Willow asked as they walked down the road through the pouring rain.

Xander nodded surely, trying to keep the look of doubt off his face. "Of course we will. We’ll be just fine. We always are."

"Right," Willow agreed uncertainly. "We’ll be fine. We always are."

They walked in companionable silence for a few minutes, just surveying the warm rain that was pitter-pattering onto them, running through their hair and soaking their clothes.

Finally, they reached Willy’s, the not-so-safe safe-haven from the outdoors.

"Hey! Look what we have here .. customers! Haven’t seen a single one all night. What can I get ya? B positive? Hey ... we have some O negative! It’s going to go fast once everyone starts showing up -" Willy stopped when Willow flipped her hair out of her face to look at him. "Willow!"

"Hello, Willy."

"And Xander," he murmured. "What can I do for you? You two are still underage ... Coke?"

Willow shook her head. "We need some information."

Willy held up his hands as if to say ‘stop right there’. "I haven’t heard anything about the Slayer’s whereabouts. I swear it. I’m sorry."

"It’s not about Buffy," Xander informed him. "It’s about the big, bad new vampire who wants to blow our house down."

"Uh, Xander?" Willow whispered. "That was the big bad wolf."

"Oh." Xander frowned, then looked at Willy again. "Anyway, we need some information. Angel’s coming back to town to help fight it, Giles won’t let us help, and he’s worried about Ginny. Without Buffy here ... what are our chances? What do you know about her?"

"I’m not going to fight with you," Willy told him. "I’ll tell you what I know. Your chances, honestly, are fairly slim ... especially without the other Slayer. The new vampire isn’t very old, even though she redefines the word ‘strength’. I don’t know, a couple years, maybe?" He saw the Slayerettes shocked looks, but continued all the same. "She’s worse than vile ... she’s ... I don’t have a word for it. And she has ways of torturing and killing that would make Angelus cower in fear."

Terror was rising in both Willow and Xander, and the prior felt her legs buckle as she got dizzy. "A-And she’s coming here?"

Xander clutched Willow to him, keeping her from falling. He, too, looked at Willy for conformation, hoping desperately for denial.

Willy affirmed what they feared. "I’m sorry, guys."

"Th-thank you," Willow whispered, backing up with Xander. "I-I’ll see you around." They stumbled into the nighttime rain, and Willow added a small, "I hope."

PART 3

//Is there a trace

For a lonely miracle\\

When Willow and Xander returned, Giles greeted them grimly. "I could not find any more info about her, and Cordelia called from her cell phone and said they’re stuck in a traffic jam and it will take them longer than expected to get here. What about you, did you find anything?"

Giles’ question went right over Xander’s head as he glanced at Willow. "Cordelia’s coming?"

"Yes," Giles repeated, skimming a book. "What did you find?"

"But Cordelia can’t ..." Xander kept his eyes fixed on Willow.

Willow smacked his arm and motioned towards Giles. "We found a lot."

Giles looked up from his book. "Oh, really? Such as?"

"She’s only a couple years old, for one," Xander told Giles, watching the book slip out of his hands.

"And you’re right, Giles," Willow said, a note of fear creeping into her voice. "She’s really, really evil. Our chances are slim to none, Giles ... what do we do?"

"Shh," Xander soothed her. "Don’t worry."

"Uh, right, don’t worry," Giles echoed unconvincingly. "Willow, you look tired ... why don’t you take a rest in the guest room and we will continue looking?"

"B-But I couldn’t do that ..." Willow looked from Xander to Giles, who both nodded.

"Go ahead. We’ll be fine. I’ll wake you up if we find anything important," Xander assured her.

"O-Okay ..." She pulled Xander into her embrace. "I don’t want to lose you," she whispered, only loud enough for him to hear.

"Don’t worry," Xander repeated for what felt like the millionth time that day, rubbing her back. "I’ll be fine. We all will." His lips twitched into a smile, and Willow couldn’t help but smile back.

"Okay," she murmured, heading down the hallway towards the guest bedroom.

"Thank you," Giles praised Xander. "She was so worried ... she probably would have just made it harder for everyone."

"She has everyone reason to be," Xander defended his girlfriend.

"I am well aware of that, but it is best for her not to worry anymore than -" Giles stopped when there was a loud crash from the other room. "Ginny?" he called.

"I am sorry!" Ginny yelled back, "You did not care much for this tea set, did you, Mr. Giles?"

Giles paled and he rushed into the next room.

Xander was left to himself. He picked up the notepad that Giles had been scribbling on, frowning at the shorthand he had used. He was able to pick out a few words here and there, such as ‘terror’ and ‘death’ and ‘no record’. Then, one phrase jumped out at him. ‘No hope’.

"My mother’s china," Giles muttered bitterly as he re-entered the room with a tired and sweaty Ginny following.

"No hope?" Xander demanded.

"What?"

Xander waved the notepad at him. "No hope?"

"I ... Xander ..."

"Willow was right, wasn’t she? There’s no chance for us. We’re all going to die. Because of one stupid vampire and because Buffy ran away. Thanks, Buff," he hissed, looking heavenward.

"I will not have such talk in my house!" Giles yelled. "Either help research or get out, but you won’t speak of her like that when she isn’t here to defend herself!"

Xander nodded slowly. "Okay. I’ll shut up."

Giles sighed. "Thank you."

*****

Willow clutched the pillow to her tightly, listen to Giles and Xander argue.

They were going to die. They were all going to die.

Eventually she drifted into a restless sleep, only to be awaken by a crash of thunder followed by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Willow fell out of bed, taking the quilt with her and bruising her arm on the nighttable as she banged it with a loud thud.

She raced out of the room, crashing directly into Xander. "Hey," she whispered, inhaling a deep breath.

"I was just coming to wake you up." Xander smoothed down her hair gently. "Angel and Cordelia are here."

"I know. I heard the car pull up. Xander, I’m scared," she told him.

"We’re going to be fine," Xander reiterated.

"No, we aren’t." Willow’s voice was rising in pitch. "I heard you earlier. No hope?"

Xander mentally kicked himself. Of course she would have heard him. "It’s false. We’re going to be *fine*, understand me?"

Willow nodded quickly, a few tears rolling out of her eyes.

"Well as much as I hate to interrupt this love-fest, don’t we need to go stake the bad-ass chick?" Cordelia asked, looking bored. "Hey, maybe it’s Faith. I mean, she died, I guess, but she could be vamped still, couldn’t she? Wait! I know! The *Mayor* probably turned into a vamp and then turned HER!"

Giles frowned. "Cordelia, shut up."

Cordelia glared at him. "That’s the last time I try to be helpful, that’s for sure!"

Angel shot her a gentle warning look. "We need to stop this vampire ... Can I see what you’ve found?"

Giles nodded quickly, motioning to an array of books spread across the table. "I’m not clear on when she’s coming ... I think this book," he held up a green book, "Holds the key to that, but it is written in a language that I can not even name."

Angel took the book from his hands, scanned it quickly, and then turned to the cover page. "It’s Slovakian."

"Slovakian?" Giles repeated, surprised. "Why would it be in Slovakian?"

"Slovakia ..." Angel sighed. "Slovakia used to be a big vampire country, I’m told. Honestly, I have no idea. What led you to think it might be in this book?"

"I looked through every other book that even mentioned vampires and prophecies without avail," Giles told him ruefully. "And I think this book at least has something to do with prophecies ..."

"The Codex didn’t say?" Angel frowned.

"The Codex had a little bit of information ... but the vampire is fairly new, says Willy, and ... it was no use. I must say, I’m entirely perplexed by this entire prophecy, I have never seen anything like it."

"That’s the way the worst of them are," Angel said darkly. He looked at the book again. "I only know broken Slovakian ... this written in old Slovakian, it would be hard for even natives to understand, such as old English is hard for most native English speakers to understand."

"I have no problem, I don’t see why -" Xander cut Giles off.

"You’re Book Man. You have to understand."

"I do know dates," Angel continued. "If I search through for a date, then maybe I can go from there."

Giles nodded his thanks, watching Angel as he skimmed the chapters.

"Giles, when is the new moon of June?" Angel asked anxiously, looking up.

Giles glanced at his calendar. "Uh, tomorrow night ... it’s not tomorrow night, right?"

Angel exhaled unnecessarily. "I think ... it might be. There is something about a ‘vampire goddess’ coming in June ... on the night of the new moon, I think it says."

"A-Are you sure that’s what it’s about? It’s not about something that already happened?" Giles asked, his dark eyes pleading.

"I don’t know for sure," Angel said gravely. "But we have nothing else to go on. It was in a chapter about ‘forthcoming events’ -- at least, that’s what I think it says -- and what else can we trust? We know nothing about this ... what led you to read up on this in the first place?"

"Uh, it’s ... it’s funny, actually, a book fell off my bookshelf, a-and fell open to a page I was not familiar with ... and there was a prophecy. S-So you believe this may be it?"

"From what I can gather, the vampire fits the description of what we’re looking for."

"O-Okay," Willow whispered. "T-Tomorrow? Can we get ready for it that quickly?"

"Y’know ... I don’t think we have a choice," Cordelia snapped, and Willow reeled back in Xander’s arms.

"Cordelia," he said warningly.

She sighed. "Look, I’m sorry, okay? But the world is on it’s way to Hell yet again, Buffy’s not here to stop it, and I’m going to miss my free pedicure at Bobbi’s tomorrow courtesy of the Hellmouth."

"We’re going to be fine," Angel informed her, slamming the Slovakian book shut and standing up.

"How do you know?" Cordelia asked, glancing at Ginny uncertainly.

"Because I’m going to stake her at sundown tomorrow."

*****

Willow felt the coppery taste of blood in her mouth and shuddered, realizing she had bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. "I-I can’t believe it’s dusk al-already ... Xander, I’m so, so scared."

Xander straightened her black jacket and made sure her ski cap was securely covering her wispy red hair, then kissed her forehead. "So am I ... but we’re going to be fine. Angel’s going to kick the girl’s ass, Ginny’ll be there for back-up, and we’ll be in the shadows to help however we can and keep anyone dumb enough to be walking out of harm’s way."

"But ... what about us?" Willow squeaked. "She’ll see us, and kill us ..."

"No, she won’t." Xander shook his head vigorously. "We’re all dressed in dark clothing, we’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you."

Willow nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Xander ... in-in case anything happens ... I-I want you to know ... I love you. You’re my best friend ... a-and ... and ..."

"Shh." He placed a finger over her lips. "I know."

"Ready to go?" Angel yelled to them from the front door.

"We’re ready!" Willow called back, putting on a brave front and hurrying to follow the rest of the gang with Xander in tow.

*****

"I don’t see her, what if this is the wrong place?" Willow whispered loudly to Giles.

"This is Weatherly." Giles stated the obvious. "This is the most logical place for them to be."

"I guess," Willow nodded, watching Angel look around the park from an area in the center. "Then how come Angel’s not finding anything?"

"The sun went down mere minutes ago," Giles said, a note of annoyance in his voice. "We have to be *patient*."

"Sorry." Willow quickly shut her mouth.

Ginny stood up slowly. "I’m going to go closer."

"Ginny -"

Ginny cut Giles off. "I am," she repeated firmly.

She crept closer to where Angel was, watching him sit down on a park bench and rub his eyes.

He didn’t see the small woman with deep red hair approach from behind. He didn’t see her fiddle with the belt on her jacket. He didn’t see her lean against the tree in front of him as Ginny waved her hands wildly, losing her voice in fright.

He didn’t see her until he heard the snap of a tree branch being broken off.

When he finally *did* see her, he lost his ability to speak, or move, or think coherently.

"Hello, lover."

PART 4

It’s a miracle\\

She didn’t look the same. Her hair wasn’t blond, it was a dark, unnatural red. Her eyes were still hazel, yet so much darker and angrier. Her clothing was dark and revealing under the jacket.

But she still had the same face, with the soft skin Angel knew so well, the same lips that could curl into the most amazing smile, the same little nose he used to kiss.

"ANGEL!" Ginny finally shouted, her voice coming back to her.

No. This couldn’t be her. This couldn’t be the all-evil vampire that he was supposed to kill. Not her. Not now. Not Buffy.

Buffy grabbed Angel’s hands and pulled him into a standing position. Leaning close, she rubbed herself against him, whispering into his neck, "Cat got your tongue?"

Her hands were icy cold.

*****

"What’s happening?" Willow asked desperately when Ginny ran back to them, motioning for them to stand up.

"I do not know ... he is not fighting with her ... I do not understand."

"Are you sure it’s her?" Xander asked.

"I can detect a vampire through somewhat of a sixth sense. I detect two."

Willow watched in horror as the female vampire turned towards them, flashing a dazzling smile.

Then she screamed. "BUFFY!"

"Wh-What?" Xander’s mouth hung open. "I ... no ..."

"This ... this can not be," Giles whispered, trying to convince himself as much as anyone else.

"Giles, she-she can’t be, she’s not a vampire, she can’t be, she’s not, she can’t, she’s not she’s not she’s not!" Willow wailed.

"That is Buffy?" Ginny asked in surprise.

Willow nodded miserably. "But ... she can’t be the vampire ... she can’t ... how could she be?"

"It all makes sense," Giles began as things fell into place. "A slayer turned vampire would be extremely dangerous and powerful, especially one like Buffy ... and we can not kill her because we have emotional ties to her, on top of everything else."

"Damn it, Giles, she’s NOT A VAMPIRE!" Willow denied desperately. "You’re WRONG, or the prophecy is WRONG, or the real vampire hasn’t come yet."

Giles was crying. "I’m sorry, Willow. I’m so sorry."

Willow broke down. "She can’t be! Not Buffy ... I can’t kill her ..."

"I can," Ginny said bravely.

"No!" Willow grabbed her arm, pulling her back. "A-Angel’s there. He knows about vampires, a-and the difference, he-he’ll do something."

"Why hasn’t she attacked him?" Xander asked numbly.

"She won’t get him with a stake," Giles explained in a low, saddened voice.

"Then ... how?" Willow gasped, still reeling from the new revelation.

"She’ll get him to revert to form ... and kill us all."

"What? Form?" Xander questioned.

"She’ll take away his soul," Giles clarified.

"How?!"

"His lover ... is-is a vampire ... but wears her face ... it may push him over the edge ... her taunting him ... and her ... sug-suggestions."

*****

"Come on, Angel ... you always were a bad boy ... and I know how bad you can be."

Angel closed his eyes, trying to ignore the way that she was thrusting herself against him, the way her hands were moving all over him, the way she was whispering tantalizingly in his ear, the way the sweet vanilla perfume she still wore was intoxicating him.

"We could be so *good* together," she murmured, her tongue darting out to lick his neck. "So good ... we could rule the world."

"Stop," he begged, pushing her away from him. He could feel the demon within rising to the surface.

Buffy apparently sensed it to, because she pulled her hair away from her neck and sidled closer to him, standing on tip-toes so her neck was pushed up against his mouth. "Come on ... bite me."

"No," he negated hoarsely. "No ..." He could see her veins and nearly taste the blood in them.

He tried to remind himself what he knew so well - this wasn’t Buffy, Buffy had died, and a demon had take over her body.

"All right," Buffy agreed, pulling back, to Angel’s surprise. She jumped up, wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs tightly around his waist. "I’ll bite you."

"No, Buffy, don’t -" Angel gasped as her face changed and her fangs pricked his skin.

Buffy only sucked for a moment before pulling back, his blood running down her chin. "And that was just a preview." She smiled, she could tell he was fighting his inner demon. "We all have our demons ... we just need to let them show."

"Buffy," he gasped. "You’re not -"

"Me?" She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, but I am. Come on, Angel," she whispered seductively, nuzzling his neck where she had bit him. "Make me your bitch."

Angel growled, throwing her off of him. "Leave. NOW."

Buffy stretched on the hard ground, her jacket falling open to reveal a very skimpy black shirt and matching tiny shorts. "It’s all yours," she enticed, looking down at her body. "All you have to do is say the magic word ..."

"Yeah, and what’s that?" Angel roughly pulled her up from the ground by her jacket collar.

"Yes," she purred, looking beseechingly at him, and she knew she had won.

He threw her against the bench, growling. "Is that what you think? That you can just have whatever you want?"

"It’s what I know," she purred, her eyes glittering, pulling the now soulless vampire down to her and kissing him roughly.

They kissed greedily, drawing blood, before collapsing back onto the ground.

Buffy straddled his hips, ready to take him right in the graveyard. He seemed equally willing, sinking his fangs into her throat as she writhed on top of him.

*****

"What are they doing?!" Willow shrieked. "They can’t ... he’s supposed to stop her!"

"I worried about this," Giles restated, unsure of what to do.

Ginny sprang up before he had the chance to contemplate anymore, racing over to the couple and shoving Buffy away.

"Hey," she snarled, flashing a row of sharp, bloody teeth. "We were busy."

"No, we weren’t." Angel struggled to regain control of his body.

Buffy grabbed Ginny’s throat. "Do you see what you did?" She squeezed tightly, smiling as Ginny choked for air. "Do you see?"

Ginny nodded as best she could, a dizziness coming over her. "Help," she managed to say in a voice below a whisper.

Angel didn’t hesitate in swiping his fist across Buffy’s jaw. He didn’t hesitate in grabbing Ginny and throwing her away from Buffy. He didn’t hesitate in whipping out a stake and pressing it against the skin where Buffy’s dead heart was.

He hesitated in staking her, which she used to her advantage to knock the stake out of his hand, slam him against a tree, and kick him when he was down.

"See ya around," she called with a smile as she backed up, before turning and jetting out of the graveyard before anyone could stop her.

PART 5

//But what you miss is love

A miracle\\

"I ... I just can’t believe it." Willow shakily brought her tea cup to her lips, sipping the soothing liquid. "How ... how could it be her? When did she ... turn?"

"Perhaps after she ran away," Giles suggested, drinking out of his own cup of tea.

"That wasn’t a couple years," Willow reminded him.

"Willy made a mistake, then," Giles said. "Or perhaps ... that night, she went out to patrol. Was she very tired? She could have been turned at that time."

"NO! This isn’t happening!" Willow yelled, throwing the cup across the room and watching it smash against the wall with a resounding crack, the dark liquid staining the wall.

Xander stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders. "It is happening," he whispered, frightened. He looked to Ginny, who was bandaging a small cut on her arm, and then to Angel, who was sitting on the floor and staring blankly at the wall.

"I can’t believe Buffy let herself get vamped!" Cordelia spoke up for the first time that night.

"I don’t think it was on purpose," Xander snapped back.

"Well I know *that*," Cordelia huffed. "Although ... you know, maybe she thought if she was a vampire she could be with Angel. And apparently she was right."

Everyone turned to look at Angel. If Cordelia’s words had registered with him, he kept it to himself.

Cordelia shook her head. "Someone’s out of it."

"Cordelia, shut up, okay?" Xander glared at her.

"Touchy!"

"Giles, what do we do? Buffy’s ... our enemy," Willow said, testing out the word. "She’s against us now. And we have to ... stop her."

"You know, when Angel was a demon, I didn’t understand how Buffy couldn’t just stake him. Now I do," Xander whispered. "And we can’t stop her. She’s too strong. And we love her."

Angel shook his head suddenly, standing up. "That’s not Buffy. Buffy is gone. And she’d want the demon that took over her body laid to rest."

"I-I believe he’s right," Giles agreed, not commenting on Angel’s earlier transformation. "We ... have to stop her. She’s probably out hunting right now."

"I’ll do it," Angel volunteered, standing up.

"No," Willow denied softly. "You can’t. Your tie to her is stronger than anyone else’s ... and we-we learned earlier what happens when you try to fight her."

"It won’t happen again," Angel gritted out.

"It doesn’t matter," Willow said. "You can’t stop her ... I don’t know if we can, either."

"We don’t have a choice," Angel reminded her.

"I know. But, the sun will be up soon ... she can’t do anything until then."

Angel relented, nodding. "Tomorrow ... I’ll find her ... and ... I’ll kill her."

"Why can’t we resoul her?" Willow wanted to know.

Giles sighed. "Willow, that’s impractical. You know as well as I do that orbs are hard to come by, and last time it nearly killed you!"

"Yeah, but Drusilla’s not around to screw it up ... please, Giles?" Willow begged, tears running down her face.

"Oh, Willow ... I want as much as you do to resoul her ... but it’s not practical ... it wouldn’t work."

"Like anything else is going to work?" Willow’s voice was rising in pitch. "Giles, she’s undefeatable, and you know it! If we resoul her, we’ll have a better chance at NOT getting ourselves - or anyone else - killed!"

"I’m sorry, Willow ... we just don’t have that kind of time." Giles glanced at Angel.

The vampire was crying.

*****

Willow banged on the door of the magick shop frantically.

The new shopkeeper opened the door and peeked her head out. "Oh, hello, Willow ... we’re closed right now ... it’s four AM, what are you doing here?"

"Please, Emmy, it’s an emergency," Willow whispered, slipping into the store uninvited.

"What is it?"

"I need an orb of Thessulah."

Emmy’s eyebrows hit her hairline. "An orb of Thessulah?! Willow, those are extremely hard to come by ... I don’t just stock them. If you want, I could pre-order one for you, and have it shipping in from Prague ... it would probably take 4-6 weeks."

Willow paled. "I don’t have that long! I need one by tonight!"

"What’s the hurry?" Emmy wanted to know, rifling through a stack of papers.

"I ... I can’t say, it’s a secret, but it’s pertinent that I have it by tonight, Emmy, please! I’ll pay whatever you want ... just, please."

"Willow ... I don’t have any. Not even ones that I’m holding for others ... this is only Sunnydale, you know."

Willow sighed dejectedly and turned to leave. "Thanks, Emmy."

"Wait!"

Willow whirled around, a hopeful expression on her face.

"There’s a little magick shop on the outskirts of Santa Monica - it’s a considerable drive, but they carry a lot of oddball stuff there, and -"

"I’ll do it!" Willow screeched, a grin spreading across her face.

"I don’t know if they have one ... today is their closed day, and for the most part they don’t welcome witches who have not been pre-recommended. But, the owner is my aunt’s friend, and I can call in advance, if you’d like."

"Oh, please!" Willow breathed. "You’re a miracle."

Emmy blushed. "Let me just call Margie now." She picked up the phone, dialed a number, and after a moment began to chatter quickly with the person on the other end. After a few minutes, she hung up. "Margie will let you in - she will be expecting you."

"Does she have the orb?"

Emmy sighed. "She doesn’t know ... she’ll have to look through storage. But if it’s worth that much to you, I would go, for that off-chance that she does have it. Is it worth that much to you?"

"Yes," Willow responded without hesitation. She glanced at the clock. Quarter of five. If she was lucky she wouldn’t pass out at the wheel.

"Drive carefully," Emmy said, as though reading her mind. She handed Willow a slip of paper with an address

"Promise," Willow agreed, grabbing the paper, waving, and rushing out the door.

A few hours later, she had reached the Santa Monica destination. She looked at the clock in Xander’s car. Seven fifteen. Dragging herself out of the car with a yawn, she hurried over the cobbely road and to a small, quaint shop with a green door. She tapped the cauldron-shaped door knocker with a small smile.

A white-haired woman with penetrating blue eyes peeked out the window before hobbling over to the door and swinging it open. "You must be Willow," she rasped.

"Y-Yes ... that would be me."

The woman motioned for her to enter. "I’m Margie." Her voice was low and scratchy, as though she had smoked for many years.

"It’s nice to meet you," Willow said politely.

Margie stumbled to a large, royal purple chair and sat down. "What are you looking for, Dear?"

"I ... uh, and orb of Thessulah. Please," she added, looking at Margie pleadingly.

Margie looked at her, surprised. "I thought that was what Emmy told me ... but why, my dearest, would you need an orb? And not just any orb, an orb of Thessulah."

"I ... this is going to sound crazy ... my fr-friend, is in trouble, and I need to return something to her that was wrongfully taken."

Margie frowned. "That doesn’t sound crazy ... that sounds like LA. You are from LA?"

"Sunnydale," Willow corrected.

Margie’s eyes widened, and she chuckled. "And here I thought you were only talking about a purse or something, for which an orb of Thessulah would do no good. You are talking of a soul, aren’t you?"

"H-How did you know?"

"My dear," Margie coughed, "Excuse me. Dear, you said you are from Sunnydale ... and we elders just know these things."

Willow sucked in a breath at the mention of ‘elders’, her mind drifting to thoughts of Jenny and the Kalderash.

"Are you sure this is what you wish to do?" Margie’s voice brought Willow out of her reverie.

"Yes," she answered without hesitation. "I have to."

Margie shrugged. "Very well, then. I believe I have what you are looking for. Follow me." She struggled to stand up. "Could you hand me my cane?"

Willow glanced around, finally spotting the wooden object with an intricate design and handing it to the older woman.

"Thank you." Margie gasped for breath, taking small, staggering across the room.

Willow couldn’t help but notice how different this magick shop was from the one in Sunnydale. It was more like a home, only with witchy stuff lined up on shelves against the walls.

"In here," Margie mumbled, pushing back a thick black curtain to reveal a dark room, illuminated only by a single red lightbulb.

Willow shivered at the eerieness. "In here?" she repeated nervously.

Margie laughed. "Do not fear, my dear. It is merely a storage room. I am just an abstract person." She clapped her hands, and several lights flipped on. Willow nearly giggled in relief.

Margie began to ascend a ladder as Willow watched, shocked. "Are you sure you’re okay?"

"Willow, I’ve never felt better!" Margie grasped a box shakily as she made her way back down. "Here you go, dearest."

Willow opened the box carefully, unable to speak when she saw the small glass ball, set in wood, wrapped in tissue. "Oh, thank you, so much," she breathed. "I can’t thank you enough ... how much do I owe you?" She closed the top gently and reached for the zipper on her purse.

Margie touched her hand, stopping her movements. "Nothing. Your friend is special to you. You must go and help her. You are a brave young girl and will make a fine witch."

Willow’s eyes widened, full of gratitude. She impulsively hugged the frail woman.

Margie smiled broadly. "You are welcome here anytime."

"Thank you," Willow murmured again, clutching the box to her as she hurried out the door, suddenly wide-awake.

*****

"Wills, where on earth did you *go*?!" Xander asked when Willow returned. "I thought you were only going to get donuts at the 7-11, like you said, and ... well ... you took about SIX hours ... we were worried sick! It’s ten o’clock!"

"I’m sorry, Xand ... I had some personal stuff to take care of." Willow didn’t disclose her plans, as she wasn’t sure what Xander’s reaction would be. Or if he could keep his mouth shut about the whole thing.

Xander sighed. "I can’t stay mad at you ... I was just worried." He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I know," she whispered. "I’m sorry. It was really important. Do you want me to get some donuts now?"

"No, no," Xander said quickly. "Ginny hit McDonald’s for food."

"Ginny can’t drive. She’s barely fifteen." Willow frowned.

"She walked ... she wanted the exercise. She’s preparing for the showdown in case Angel needs back up. I can’t believe it, Willow ... she’s going to die tonight."

"She died a long time ago," Willow corrected thickly, her worry that the curse wouldn’t work and her sadness over the loss evident.

"I know," Xander murmured, hugging her tightly. "I know."

PART 6

//Is there a trace

For a lonely miracle\\

Ginny’s fist hit the punching bag a final time. She shook her head, her hair clinging to her face. "All right. We will end this tonight."

Giles glanced at Angel. "Angel? Are you ready to go?"

Angel nodded. "I’m ready." He was about to open the door when Xander came up behind him.

"Hey, man," Xander took a deep breath as Angel turned around. "Just remember ... it’s not her."

Angel shrugged, carefully keeping emotion out of his voice. "Yeah."

"Let us go," Ginny suggested, straightening her tank top as they headed for the door.

"Where’s Willow?" Cordelia asked. "She’s been locked in that guest room all day ... what is she doing?"

Xander frowned. "I’m not sure ... I’ll get her." He sidled up to the door and quietly opened it.

Willow shrieked, wrapping her arms around something and leaning over it to hide it from Xander’s view.

"Willow? What are you doing?" Xander asked, confused.

"N-Nothing ... I ... I’m changing! Go! Now! Let me change!"

Xander’s eyes widened and he hurried out of the room.

Willow sighed in relief, putting everything into a small bag and taking a deep breath. She had to do this. Alone.

The walk to the park was fairly silent, each person knowing what role they played.

Cordelia finally broke the silence. "Willow, why are you toting around the awful bag?"

"No reason," Willow whispered, clutching the bag to her tightly.

Cordelia snorted. "Oh, yeah, right. Let me see it." She reached for the bag.

"NO!" Willow shrieked. "Leave me alone!"

Cordelia held up her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Jeez."

"Sorry," Willow murmured as they neared the park. She turned to Giles. "I’m going to sit alone. Over there." She motioned to the other side of the park.

"Willow, I don’t think that’s -"

"I am," Willow repeated firmly.

"Y-Yes, okay."

"Want company?" Xander asked her.

Willow shook her head. "No, thank you."

Xander watched her sprint across the park, her bag clutched to her chest.

"Well, your girlfriend sure has a case of insanity," Cordelia muttered, flopping down under a tree.

Xander sat down next to her. "Shut up, all right?"

"A-Angel ... are you sure you can handle this?" Giles questioned nervously.

Angel nodded, several large stakes and a colossal bottle of holy water.

"I will go to that tree like we talked of," Ginny informed the group before Giles could speak again.

"Do you think they’ll be okay?" Xander asked the unspoken question after they had left.

Chills ran through everyone’s spines. No one spoke.

*****

Willow was relieved that no one had tried to come after her as she set up. She wasn’t sure why not, but it didn’t matter. She placed the orb and then began lighting the herbs. She had no idea if she could do this spell alone ... she could only hope.

Her breath caught as she heard the crackling of leaves and branches. Buffy was there.

*****

Angel saw her approach this time, her cherry red hair blazing in the ponytail she wore it in. Her eyes were like steel, and Angel found himself thankful for that - there was none of the softness and gentleness that Buffy’s eyes had always held. Her lips were a dark red, and Angel had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t just lipstick.

"Hello, Buffy," he greeted her, twisting the cap off the bottle of holy water.

She chuckled cynically. "Let’s not make with the niceties, Angel. We both know that you’re not happy to see me, and I’m not exactly chipper over the prospect of facing you." She shook her head, tapping her boot against a tree root. "Spike was right about you."

Angel growled. "What did he say?"

Buffy giggled. "Oooh, I love that growl! Gets me all ... hot and bothered," she murmured, looking at him enticingly.

Angel turned and slammed her into the tree behind him. "What did Spike say?"

Buffy knew she could easily knock him down, but chose not to. "Oh ... just that you were pretty much a lap dog nancy-boy ... that’s all." She smiled innocently.

Angel kept one arm firmly pressed against her ribcage, holding her to the tree. With the other, he allowed the holy water to dribble from the bottle and on to her arm.

She hissed in pain, kicking him in the groin and then taking the opportunity to sprint across the graveyard.

*****

Willow watched in horror as Buffy ran off. She dropped the match she was holding and began to run, too. "BUFFY!"

Buffy whirled around and looked at Willow, a menacing look in her eyes. "Willow! Dear Willow ..."

Willow could feel her blood turn to ice and her dinner churn in her stomach as Buffy approached her. "GINNY!"

By that time, Angel had managed to hobble over to the situation, standing in between Willow and Buffy.

"Annnngel!" Buffy whined. "You’re spoiling my fun."

"I don’t care. You can’t hurt anyone, Buffy."

Buffy laughed. "Actually ... I can. I have the strength ... and you don’t." She shrugged. "No hard feelings, right?"

"Of course not," a voice from behind them said.

Buffy turned to see Ginny. "Oh, you must be my replacement."

"Y-You mean, she’s not Faith’s replacement?" Willow asked.

Buffy snorted. "Faith, last I heard, was in a coma. Not dead. A new Slayer is only called when the previous one *dies*, Willow," Buffy informed her as though she was speaking to a young child. "And all this time ... I thought you were *smart*." She shook her head.

Willow’s face reddended, angered. "I’ll have you know -"

Buffy placed her hand over Willow’s mouth. "Save it. I don’t want to hear it. And dearest?" she said in a sugary sweet voice, "Your spell’s on fire."

Willow gasped and turned around. Indeed, the match she had dropped had sparked into a fairly large flame. She shrieked and ran towards it.

Buffy was vaguely aware of Xander, Giles, and Cordelia rushing over to help her, but paid little heed to them as she turned to face Ginny.

She giggled childishly, and Angel felt his heart constrict. She was still so young ... but her words were hard. "You’re even smaller than I am! ... I bet you’re a little angel, aren’t you? What with that perfect little green shirt," she ran her thumb along the sleeve, tearing it, "And those *adorable* little pants! I mean ... they’re *almost* stylish."

"What do you care?" Ginny asked, not rising to her insults.

"Well, I -" She gasped as Angel grabbed her around the waist, using one hand to hold her face back.

"Do it," he whispered to Ginny.

Ginny took a deep breath, looking at his pain-filled eyes, and flipped her stake in her hand. Buffy squirmed, but seemed for the most part unworried and content with wiggling in her ex-lover’s arms. Ginny started, closed her eyes, opened them, and drove the stake home just as Willow finished her chant.

PART 7

//All you wanted was a (miracle)

A miracle\\

"NO!!!!!!!!!" Willow shrieked, her eyes flying open when she finished the spell. Buffy should be cured now ... *should* be ... everything seemed to move in slow motion as she saw Ginny close her eyes and shove the stake through Buffy’s heart.

That was it. It was over.

Except, she wasn’t dust. Willow was running as fast as she could, but nothing could be fast enough. She was going to die, no doubt ... she was already in a heap on the floor, a stake protruding from her chest, gasping weakly, Angel at her side, Ginny leaning on a tree, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Willow wanted to cry, and she wanted to scream, as she approached the two vampires. Buffy was going to die with a soul. She was going to die with remorse of what she had done - and no doubt it would be heavy - and she was going to die for things she had not done. Oh, God.

*****

Angel watched her slip limply to the ground. He watched as she gasped and choked, her dark hair covering her face from his view. It was probably better that way ... he didn’t want to see the look on her face when she turned to dust. Seeing the look on Darla’s face had been hard enough, and he had never even loved her.

He waited anxiously. For someone who had ‘lived’ for nearly 250 years, seconds had never taken longer.

"A stake can not kill her," a voice from behind said.

He turned his head to see Giles, kneeling down to look at the Slayer from a distance. The Watcher seemed startled to see the vampire crying. "Then -"

Willow jerked the stake out of Buffy’s chest and tossed it aside vemenently. "Buffy ... wake up, Buffy!" she cried in earnest.

"Willow, get away," Angel demanded immediately, grasping her arm. "She’s dangerous."

"We cursed her," she whispered.

"WHAT?" Angel pulled Willow’s wrist so hard that she could actually hear a crack, but that was the last thing on her mind.

"I - I went to Santa Monica ... don’t ask now, I cursed her, I don’t know if it worked, oh, God, what if it killed her?!"

Buffy suddenly began shuddering, answering their question. She shook her hair out of her face and looked from face to face. They were all watching her intently, a note of fear in all each one of their eyes ... except Angel’s.

"Where’s the vamp that I was -" she gasped suddenly, as though a pain had shot through her, which maybe it had. "No." She shook her head fervently, looking from face to face. "NO!"

"Buffy -" Angel tentatively reached towards her.

She shied away from his touch, gasping again. "No ..." She reached up to bring a strand of hair into her vision. She shook her head and closed her eyes tightly, a tear trickling down her cheek. "This can’t ..." She glanced down at her skin-tight outfit and knee-high boots. She ran her tongue over her smooth teeth, and winced. "Blood," she whispered, almost in terror. "I taste blood."

"Yes. Buffy, you ..." Angel tried to take her hand again, but she shrieked and stumbled backwards and up against a tree. Right beside Ginny, who covered her mouth with her hand to hide a scream.

Buffy’s eyes locked with the young girl’s and she broke down, falling onto a bench, curling up, and sobbing as though her soul were being ripped from her, when really it was just the opposite.

After a moment Angel came over to kneel beside the bench, motioning for the others to stay where they were, which they did, watching the heartbreaking scene unfold. He gently pulled her to his chest and moved a hand to the back of her head, running his hand over her hair softly as she weeped against his chest. Rubbing soothing patterns against her back with his other hand, he rested his cheek against the top of her head, and he, too, wept.

"I ... uh ..." Giles found himself at a loss of words, and merely motioned to Buffy.

Angel looked up at him sadly. "I’ll take her home with me. I’ll call you."

"Uh, right," Giles agreed.

"No," Buffy whispered, pulling away from Angel. "NO! Oh, God ... I hurt you. I hurt you all." She glanced up at Willow and then closed her eyes tightly. "I can’t ... I ..." she looked at her arms, which only had slight red marks from the holy water, and then down at her chest, with the small hole in her clothes. "I have to go. I have to go!" She turned to run, but Angel caught her.

"You’re not going anywhere," he informed her. "You’re not going to run from me. I won’t let you."

"I hurt you," she whispered. "I hurt you, I hurt everyone, all of them, I hurt them ..."

"Come back with me, and we’ll talk," Angel suggested soothingly.

"No. I want you to kill me, please, or I’ll do it myself, I swear, I will -"

"Come back and talk to me," Angel repeated. "You have to give it time. And if you’re going to kill yourself, I’m going to die with you. You won’t die alone, Buffy. You’re never alone."

*****

"Wh-Where are we going?" Buffy questioned as they walked. "I thought you lived in LA."

"I do," Angel murmured. "I also own some places around here."

"Oh," Buffy whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears. "I-I haven’t been back here in a year."

"Neither have I," Angel responded as they walked. As they approached a building, Angel tightened his grasp on Buffy’s wrist.

"You’re hurting me," she mumbled.

"Sorry." He loosed his grip momentarily, pulling open the door.

When Buffy realized where they were, she gasped, looking at Angel sharply. "This is ..."

"The apartment," he finished, nodding.

She looked at him with wide, hazel eyes, her cheeks streaked black from mascara and eyeliner. "I-I don’t want to go in there ... I can’t go in there."

Angel, more than willing to make everything as easy on her as possible, conceded. "Okay, we can go somewhere else ... will you feel better at the mansion? Or ..."

"I want to see the apartment," Buffy decided.

"Are you sure? Because you said ..."

Buffy nodded. "Please," she implored.

Angel nodded, also, ushering her into the apartment building and then into the apartment itself.

Buffy bit her lip, shutting here eyes tightly. When she opened them, she found Angel looking at her in concern. And she found that the apartment was the same way it had been on her seventeenth birthday. More than two years ago.

Pulling away from Angel, she moved around it in a daze, images throwing themselves at her. She touched the red silk sheets, hooded in dust, and her eyes flew to Angel’s as she recalled that night in the rain, when she had almost lost it all ... and eventually, she *had* lost it all. But in between, he had made love to her, taking her virginity, and for all the bad things that followed, she couldn’t imagine giving up that night. The only night she could remember feeling truly loved, and safe, despite the fear she felt at even the prospect of being that intimate with the man she loved more than life itself.

"Buffy."

Buffy jerked her head to look at Angel, who in turn was looking at her with those deep brown eyes. "Yes?" she whispered.

"Are you ... going to be okay? We can go somewhere else."

Buffy picked up a pillow and clutched it to her chest, sitting on the edge of the bed. It still smelled like Angel, the mixed aroma of scented soap and cologne. "I’m okay."

Angel tentatively sat beside her, taking a deep, unneeded breath. "I-I don’t even know where to start ..."

Buffy turned suddenly to look at him. "I-I never meant to hurt anyone."

"Shhh, I know," he soothed.

"No, you don’t! It wasn’t on purpose, it wasn’t, I swear, it was an accident, I swear," she repeated over and over again.

"Tell me how it happened," Angel beseeched her.

"I can’t," she denied hoarsely. "You won’t understand."

"Buffy ... I may be the only one who *will* understand," Angel contradicted gently.

"Kiss me," she begged suddenly.

"What?" Angel asked, startled.

"Kiss me," she repeated.

Angel couldn’t deny her anything. He cupped her face with his hands and pressed his lips to hers. The warmth he remembered didn’t greet him, but there was still that same taste that was uniquely Buffy, beyond the nuance of blood that was left on her tongue. The kiss was tentative and gentle, not rough like the night before, or as passionate as their kisses had been during the peak of their relationship, but it still meant the world to both vampires.

"You love me," Buffy whispered when they broke apart.

"I’ll always love you. I always have," Angel responded, uncertain as to where her ‘discovery’ had come from.

"I can taste it," Buffy marveled. "I can taste your love."

"And could you ... before?" Angel questioned her.

"Before I was a-a vampire?" Buffy shook her head. "I could feel it, though. I could always feel it. And I always knew. But now ... it’s like my senses are heightened, and I can taste it."

"Now you know how I felt." He reached out and gently touched the scar on her neck. "It’s still there."

"Because I was ... human, at the time, I guess," Buffy choked out. "It never disappeared. I don’t really know why. I don’t care. I’m proud of it."

Angel’s eyes widened. "But I ... I ..."

"We’ve both done things that were ... well, wrong is a pretty nice term, considering. But that wasn’t one of them. I’ve never been anything but proud. Ever," she reiterated firmly. She took a jagged breath, purely out of habit, and then exhaled slowly. "I ... I did some really bad things."

Sensing her discomfort, Angel hurried to assure her, "You don’t have to talk about this right now. You can rest, if you’d like, or shower, or -"

"Maybe *you* don’t have to talk about this right now, Angel. ... But I do. It’s eating me alive ... well, not alive, I guess, but ..."

"Okay," Angel agreed. "Do you want to start at the beginning?"

Buffy clutched the pillow tighter. "I ... I don’t really know how it happened," she confessed.

Angel knit his eyebrows in confusion. "How do you not -"

"No, I do," she contradicted softly. "I was out patrolling ... it wasn’t too long after you had left, and I was having a really low day. Night. There was a bunch of vampires ... and I was on my own ... and I didn’t notice them till they were literally RIGHT on top of me. I was fighting about seven vampires at once, no backup, and they found out I was the Slayer. They decided it would be all in good fun to turn me," she announced bitterly. "I know that a vampire is supposed to have loyal ties to their sire or whatever, but I staked all their asses as soon as I woke up. That was the start of my vicious streak."

"This is my fault," Angel realized. "If I had been there -"

"No. Oh, Angel, no ..." A tear fell down her cheek and unto the bed. "I’m just crying over everything," she sobbed, hugging him close to her. She pressed her cheek against his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her. "Please, don’t ever believe for a minute that this was your fault. I was the Slayer, it was my job to handle them."

Angel, too, had tears running down his face, but he still ran his hand over her back in a soothing motion, whispering to her in an attempt to calm her down. "It wasn’t your fault, either. Don’t blame yourself for the past, Buffy, it can’t be changed. You have to look to the future."

"I can’t," she wept. "I can’t see a future for myself. I’m going to live forever and I just want to die."

"It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay."

"It’s not going to be okay! I betrayed you," she choked out.

"Why do you say that?" Angel asked.

"I let so many ... others touch me."

"It’s all right," he assured her quietly. "Don’t worry about it."

"I wanted you to be the only one," she explained through her tears, and he felt his heart break all over again for her.

"What happened in the past is over, Buffy, believe me. It doesn’t matter. Don’t think about it."

"It’s not that easy!" Buffy cried, flying into a rage. "Don’t you get that?! I hurt people! I *killed* people! Little babies, old men, it didn’t matter, I killed them all! Not because I needed blood, just because they were there. I killed them for pleasure, Angel, I snapped their necks, I decapitated them, I drained them, I suffocated them, I did every horrible thing you can think of and probably more that you can’t ... to the innocent."

"I know ... but it wasn’t you."

"It WAS me!"

"It wasn’t you. A demon took over your body. That wasn’t you. A soul is what makes a person, and you didn’t have yours," Angel told her gently.

"When I told you that ... you didn’t buy it," she reminded him.

"Not then. But now I know. It wasn’t me. Just like it wasn’t you."

"I was rivaling the Master, Angel. And I was proud of it. I was *beyond* proud of it. And what makes it worse is that that isn’t even what I feel worst about."

"What do you feel worst about?"

"The *hundreds* of ... of *demons* that I let touch me. How ... how can you love me?"

"Because I know what’s in *here*." He placed his hand over where her heart was located. A silence filled the air as they both became aware of the fact that her heart *wasn’t* beating.

"Nothing," Buffy murmured sadly. "Nothing’s there."

"That’s not true," Angel shot back. "Regardless of whether or not it’s beating, you have a good heart, Buffy. A true, pure heart. I’ve never met anyone like you, and I could travel around the world for a hundred years and I never would. You’re ... perfection. You’re a goddess. You blessed my life for that short time we were together. And I was stupid enough to give you up and let something happen to you. And," he continued, seeing her look of protest, "I won’t lose you again. I can’t lose you again, Buffy. I love you. Please believe me, Baby, I love you more than anything."

Buffy’s chest heaved with sobs as she pressed her face against his neck. "I love you, too," she whispered. "I thought I was going to die when you left. I didn’t know how to live without you. And I already told you, but I’ll tell you again, and again, and again, until you believe me - this wasn’t your fault. This wasn’t *anyone’s* fault. It just ... happened. And it’s going to take me a long time, maybe eternity to believe that. And maybe you, too. But we have eternity now. And I need you with me. I don’t know how I’m going to make it without you, Angel. I love you."

Curled up in the safety of each other’s arms, the two lovers sat there and cried.

PART 8

//It’s taken so long to get it right

A miracle\\

Xander paced across the floor in Giles’ living room. "What do you think is happening?"

"The same as was happening when you asked two minutes ago - something we don’t know about!" Cordelia responded snappily.

Xander whistled. "The bitch is on the loose!"

"Xander," Willow said warningly.

"Excuse me!" Cordelia snapped. "I’ll have you know I’m only bitchy when I’m PMSing, which won’t happen for another two weeks, four days, and -"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, that’s okay, you don’t have to tell me," Xander protested.

"I-I suppose we could call," Giles suggested, looking at the others for approval.

"Angel said he would call," Willow reminded him. "I don’t think they’re going to want to be disturbed."

"Why not?" Xander questioned. "Uh ... you guys don’t think they’re getting funky, do you?"

"No," came the united responses.

Willow sighed, standing up and walking over to Xander. Putting her arms around him, she whispered, "Try not to worry ... Angel can handle her. They need to be alone. Together."

"I know," Xander murmured in agreement, running a hand through Willow’s hair. "But what if something goes wrong?"

"Aren’t I supposed to be the worrying one?" she asked with a smile.

"Not today, you’re not," he shook his head.

"Okay ... where are those annoying barf bags when you need them?" Cordelia muttered. "’Cause I’m going to heave all over the place if these nasty PDAs don’t stop."

"I second that," declared a voice from the doorway.

*****

"What happened to us?" Buffy asked softly, lifting her head from Angel’s shoulder to look him in the eye. "Once upon a time, we had everything."

"Once upon a time is only in fairy tales," Angel offered as a lame explanation.

"And fairy tales are evil," Buffy finished bitterly. "But that doesn’t answer my question. Where did we go wrong, Angel? Because I know - I KNOW - that once upon ... that, sometime ... we were happy."

"We were very happy, leannan," Angel agreed.

"What?" she asked quietly, her eyes still locked with his.

"Sweetheart," he translated, holding her tighter. "We were happy ... but happiness can’t last forever. Love isn’t always enough. For some people, maybe it is. We weren’t lucky like that."

"We never had the luck." Buffy’s voice was insipid.

"We did," Angel negated. "We had more than a lot of people did. We loved each other. It wasn’t enough, but it counts for something, Buffy."

"Look where it got us. I’m ... I’m a fucking *VAMPIRE*!" Buffy shrieked, jerking away from Angel. "I don’t *look* like me, I don’t *feel* like me. I’M NOT HUMAN! My hair," she grasped a fistful of her hair roughly, thrusting it towards Angel, "Is *red*. And when I want, my eyes are *yellow*." Her voice dropped to below a whisper. "I’ve become what I hate."

"Only your body," Angel hurried to assure her. "Your soul is the same."

"The guilt is eating me alive. It was like the world was Nazi Germany ... and I was Hitler. And that’s a horrible thing to remember, Angel. And no matter how much you say you know ... you don’t."

"I don’t," Angel agreed. "I didn’t see it all go down. But I’m here to help you pick up the pieces."

"Yeah, well guess what," Buffy snapped. "They can’t be picked up." And with that, she fell to the ground, crying.

*****

"SPIKE!" Willow shrieked, cowering behind Xander. "Oh my gosh, help, it’s Spike!"

"Shh," Xander murmured. "Spikey, old boy ... what are you doing here?"

"I’m here to help Buffy," Spike responded, glaring.

"Uh, maybe you’re not clear on this ... Buffy’s a VAMPIRE, and -"

Ginny cut in. "Why would you wish to help? You are William the Bloody. You would not wish to help a Slayer."

"Bloody hell," Spike groaned. "You’re more incompetent than I thought. I bloody well KNOW she’s a vampire! We’ve been shacking it up for the past eight months, I’m here to help her kill you all. Why don’t I start with you? Whoever you are ..."

"I am the slayer," Ginny snapped, stepping out the door to face him. "You will leave. Now."

Spike chuckled. "Yeah, that’s going to work." He grabbed her by her collar. "Where’s Buffy?"

Xander stepped in. " ‘Shacking it up’ for eight MONTHS?! Damn, that girl got around."

"Xander," Willow snapped. She shoved herself in between Spike and Ginny. "There will be NO fighting!"

Spike slapped her across the face. "You little bitch," he snarled, grabbing her and shoving her against the side of the house. "Tell me where Buffy is and I won’t hurt you."

"Y-You couldn’t," Willow protested weakly.

"I could," he argued, pressing her more firmly against the wall with one hand and shoving Ginny to the ground with the other.

"But you won’t!" Xander yelled, leaping out the door and knocking Spike to the ground.

Spike shook his head as though to clear it and stood up. "Oh, that’s right. You love the little witch."

"That’s right," Xander hissed. "And you won’t hurt her."

"Where’s - whoa, hey, what do you think you’re doing with that?" Spike asked nervously, noting Giles standing in the doorway with a crossbow aimed at him.

"This," he growled, firing it. The arrow hit the right side of Spike’s chest.

Spike’s eyes flared and his face changed as he reached for the arrow and yanked it out. "Fuck," he muttered, "That hurt like a bitch."

Giles fired again, but this time Spike jumped out of the way. "Work on your aim, Watcher." He shook his head. "Screw this. I’ll find her myself."

"Angel will kick your ass if you touch her!" Willow yelled as he retreated. She could vaguely hear Giles cursing as he tried to load the crossbow again.

Spike turned back to look at her with a feral smile. "Oh, she’s with the pansy, is she? Should’ve known you would recurse her." He shrugged. "No matter, I’ll get her back." With a wave, he turned and ran, leaving Giles still cursing, Xander comforting Willow, and Ginny looking on in shock.

Cordelia frowned. "He looked hotter last time I saw him."

"CORDELIA!" came the chorus of angry responses.

*****

Angel was sitting on the floor with Buffy curled up in his lap, trying to soothe her and quiet the last of her sobs when there was a knock on the door.

"That’s probably Willow or Giles," Angel murmured, stroking her hair.

Buffy lifted her face from his chest and told him thickly, "I don’t want to see them."

"It might help you, Sweetheart ... they don’t blame you," he whispered, looking into her eyes.

"No," she protested. "Please, Angel, I’m not ready."

The knock was persistent and Angel finally yelled, "Come in!" He then turned to Buffy and told her, "I’ll tell them we have everything under control, all right?"

Buffy nodded, snuggling deeper into Angel’s embrace.

"Thanks. I think I will," a voice rang out, and Buffy’s head shot up.

"Spike," she breathed in horror.

"I can see they got to you," he muttered. "I thought you were stronger than that."

A wave of guilt washed over Buffy, followed by a fresh bout of tears. Angel held her tighter, glaring at Spike. "What do you want, Spike?"

"Don’t tell me you aren’t happy to see me," Spike drawled. "I’ve come for what’s mine."

"What?" Angel asked, confused.

"You didn’t tell him, Babe?" Spike asked Buffy, smiling delightedly when a sob caught in her throat.

"Tell me what?" Angel questioned suspiciously.

"Mate, I can see you’re not clear on this, so I’ll spell it out. Buffy belongs to me."

"You’re not her sire, you have no ties to her," Angel snapped back.

"Ah, but for the past eight months, she’s been my ... lover," he dragged out the suspense before spitting out the word.

Angel immediately looked to Buffy, and Spike laughed. "Go ahead. Ask her. We had a great time, didn’t we, Love?" He slowly approached them. "In my bed ... in my car ... with the chains," he finished.

"Stop it," Buffy begged softly.

"No can do," Spike denied, reaching out to touch her hair. "I chose this color for her. It reminds me of blood. Did you two ever get into blood play? She enjoys that a lot, Mate, you might try it with her sometime. Oh, that’s right. She’s MINE," he snarled.

Buffy jerked away, looking up at him, tears streaking down her face quickly. "Leave me alone," she growled. "Leave us alone."

"Why should I? We had so much fun. Until that stupid witch did her curse on you ... remember right before you took off? With the -"

"Shut up," Buffy snapped, standing up. "Just shut up. God, you think you MEANT anything to me? Is that what you think? I was the vampire goddess, you were just a pawn! You were there for my pleasure and ONLY for my pleasure," she gritted out, not looking at Angel, "And nothing else. You never meant anything. You were just convenient. Look who I ran to. Even without a soul. Angel."

Spike reached out and grasped her hair, pulling her to him harshly. "You lie," he spat out. "But that’s okay. I’m going to go find Drusilla. I don’t need a lap dog. At least she knows what she’s doing."

"You weren’t complaining," Buffy snapped back.

"Neither were you," he said harshly with a final tug to her hair. "G’bye, Love. Nice talking to you again, Mate," he directed towards Angel.

"Get out," Angel responded coldly.

Spike shrugged, winked at Buffy, and sauntered back out the door.

Buffy slid to the floor, once again in sobs. Angel knelt beside her and tried to pull her into his embrace, but she shook her head and pulled away, seeming ashamed. Curled up on the floor, she cried herself into a fitful sleep while Angel stroked her hair gently, a look of despair marring his face.

*****

"We should go find Spike," Willow finally broke the silence.

"Forget Spike," Cordelia responded. "Angel will dust him if he tries anything. Spike isn’t who we need to worry about, Buffy is."

Four pairs of eyes looked to her, and Xander finally spoke. "For once, she speaks the truth."

Cordelia rolled her eyes, standing up from her chair. "I always speak the truth. You’re just dense and don’t notice."

"Hey -" Xander began, but Giles cut him off.

"She’s right. Buffy went through a lot and it was not her fault. Angel is probably the only one who will even be able to begin to relate to her, but we should all work to make her feel accepted."

"Well how do we do that?" Willow asked. "I don’t think she’s really going to want to talk to us."

"Simple," Ginny responded. "We celebrate."

PART 9

For a lonely miracle\\

Buffy rolled onto her back and frowned when her arm hit a solid object. Opening her eyes, she found Angel laying on his side, his hand caught in her hair, staring at her with worry and pain obvious in his deep brown eyes.

He gently removed his hand from her hair and his lips curved into a small smile. "Morning."

Buffy bit her lip. "Is it morning?" she questioned softly.

"Yeah, it is," Angel affirmed.

"H-How long did I sleep for?"

"Hours. It’s nearly eleven." He pointed to a clock.

"Oh." She turned suddenly to look at Angel. "Angel ... I’m sorry."

"No."

"No?" she repeated.

"Don’t be sorry," Angel demanded gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I slept with Spike. I didn’t tell you that part. I slept with him a LOT. And we killed together, and we -"

"Shhh. It’s over."

"It’s not over," Buffy protested, trying not to cry again.

"Buffy ... answer me honestly. Do you blame me for anything Angelus did?"

"No! God, no, Angel, never, that wasn’t you."

"And what about when he slept with Drusilla, do you hold that against me?" Angel wanted to know.

"No ... I don’t, of course not, but ... it’s not the same."

"It is the same -" Angel stopped at the sound of a faint ringing and removed a cell phone from his coat pocket. "Hello?" He smiled. "Cordelia ... uh huh ... uh huh ... okay. We will. Thank you." He turned off the cell phone and set it on the ground.

"We will what?" Buffy wanted to know.

"They wanted to see us tonight."

"No! No, Angel, no, please, no ..."

"Shhh, don’t cry," he soothed, pressing a finger to her lips. "Everything’s going to be fine. I’ll be with you."

"I can’t," she sobbed. "Please, Angel, I can’t!"

Angel watched with horror as she curled up, a stricken look on her face. He laid down and pulled her closer to him so her back was pressed against his front. "Don’t cry, Sweetheart," he begged softly. "I’ll call them back and tell them no."

"Don’t," Buffy suddenly protested, turning to face Angel. "I owe them. After everything I did."

"It wasn’t you," Angel reminded her. "Are you sure you’re up to seeing everyone, then?"

"No," Buffy shook her head. "I’ve never been less sure of anything in my life. But I have to, Angel. I have to see them. ... You’ll be with me?" she asked, sounding for all the world like a little girl.

"I’ll always be with you. No matter where we are or what happens."

"Why?" she questioned, moving closer to him in a desperate attempt to find solace in his arms.

"I love you," he said simply.

*****

"So they’re coming?" Willow asked, her voice a mix of nervousness and excitement.

"For the millionth time today, that’s what I said!" Cordelia snapped.

"She was just asking," Xander defended, setting out glasses on the end table.

"What did she think, the answer changed within the past five minutes?" Cordelia bitched, glaring.

"There- there’s no reason to be angry," Giles cut in, looking to all of them.

"Sorry," Willow whispered. "I’m just nervous. What if she doesn’t like us?"

Cordelia snorted. "She’s the one who should worry!" Off their looks, she continued hurriedly, "Not that she has anything to worry about, but logically ..."

"When will they arrive?" Ginny asked, pour several glasses of wine and punch for herself.

"Uh, any minute, I suppose," Giles murmured, handing a small pitcher to Xander.

"Oh, gross, blood!" Cordelia shrieked.

"You’ve been working with Angel for awhile and blood grosses you out? You grew up on a Hellmouth!" Xander reminded her, pouring the blood into wine glasses.

"I know, but ... ugh. Nevermind." Cordelia shook her head.

"It’s not the same color," Xander announced, holding up two different glasses to compare. "The wine is lighter."

"Uh ... add some juice," Giles recommended.

Xander’s eyes bulged. "I can’t mix wine and juice ... that’ll be disgusting!"

Giles sighed. "Then mix in a little punch, I don’t know, just make them look the same!"

"Oh, like Buffy and Angel won’t notice the difference," Cordelia huffed. "Jeez, they’re not stupid."

The four other people in the room turned to glare at her.

Xander took the punch and mixed some into the wine, then frowned. "Now the wine is darker than the blood."

"Oh for the love!" Giles sighed. "Just ... get some snacks."

"Like what?" Willow asked. "’Cause ... uh ... if we serve regular snacks, well, I guess they could eat them but wouldn’t Buffy feel bad?"

Giles closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "I don’t know, Willow. We want to make her feel as welcome and normal and possible."

"Here," Ginny murmured as she came out of the kitchen with a tray of cheese and crackers. "You can not go wrong, I think."

"I hope," Willow whispered.

Cordelia watched Xander struggle with the drinks for another minute before deciding to be compassionate and standing up to help him. "Here," she said gently, taking the two glasses from him and bringing them over to the counter. She opened a cabinet and pulled out a bottle, pouring a little bit of the liquid into each.

"Cordelia, that’s vodka," Xander informed her.

"I know that! But, even if the colors don’t match, they’ll be too drunk to realize!"

"You have very twisted logic," Ginny informed her, taking the glasses back to the end table.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

Willow inhaled sharply. "That must be them."

"I ... uh ... yes, I’ll get the door," Giles whispered, running a hand through his hair. He opened the door, greeting them with a wide smile. "I’m glad you’re here! Do come in," he added immediately.

Buffy flashed him a tiny smile that was gone as quickly as it had appeared, but warmed Giles heart all the same.

"Thank you," she whispered, tucked into the safety of Angel’s embrace.

"Hi, Buffy," Willow said, moving slowly towards Buffy.

Buffy looked down. "Hey, Willow."

Willow stopped when she reached Buffy. "Can I ... can I hug you? Please?"

Buffy looked up sharply, and Willow saw that her eyes were watery. "Why would you want to?" she asked hoarsely.

"You’re my best friend." Not waiting for Buffy to respond, she leaned forward and hugged her.

After hesitating for a second, Buffy hugged her back, a tear tumbling down her cheek and onto Willow’s shirt.

"I’m sorry," she murmured, pulling away.

"Shh," Willow demanded softly. "No apologies. Come sit down."

Buffy looked up at Angel with wide eyes, and he squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Okay," Buffy agreed, and they sat down on the couch, Buffy not letting go of Angel’s hand.

"Here you go, Buff," Xander offered her a glass, and then handed one to Angel. With a small smile, he added, "On the house."

Buffy smiled, then frowned when she watched Ginny take a sip of her drink. "What are we drinking?"

"O negative," Xander said with a smile.

"B-But -"

"Wine and punch. Looks the same, though, huh?"

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, taking a sip and then making a face as she swallowed. "Where did you GET this from? Angel, taste it."

Angel did as she asked, also frowning. "There’s vodka in it."

"Heh, surprise?" Xander looked at the two vampires, waiting for their reaction.

Buffy giggled. The tension in the room eased so fast that they could almost hear it whoosh out of the room like the air leaving a balloon.

"Trying to get us drunk?" Buffy asked.

"Never!" Xander feigned innocence.

"They didn’t want you to feel bad so they tried to make the colors the same. I put in the vodka," Cordelia said bluntly.

Xander, Willow, and Giles all winced, again awaiting the reaction.

"Good job," Buffy finally said. She bit her lip, looking at her hands, and then back up to the faces of her friends. "I ... I want to say ... I’m sorry."

"It was not your fault," Ginny reminded her.

Buffy shut her eyes tightly and then opened them again. "I can’t see why you’d say that. I wasn’t exactly great to you."

"Buffy ..." Giles took a deep breath. "I think dealing with ... with Angelus, before, helped us to cope with this. It was ... it was a shock, to say the least, to see you ... like that. But we don’t blame you ... we’re just glad to have you back."

"You don’t know it all," Buffy whispered.

"No," Giles agreed. "But we’re willing to listen."

A tear streaked down her cheek. "It wasn’t on purpose, and I didn’t run away."

"You didn’t?" Willow asked softly, surprised.

"No, I didn’t," Buffy confirmed. "I ... I was patrolling. And there were a lot of vampires, and I was upset, and I was being careless, and ... they turned me."

"There has to be more to the story, right?" Cordelia asked, ignoring the look Angel shot her.

"Yes," Buffy agreed. "I not only got vampire powers, but I still had the ones of a Slayer. And together ... I was undefeatable, and I used that entirely to my advantage. ... ‘Ruthless’ wouldn’t really cover the description of what I was. I killed, and I maimed ... kids and adults alike ... and I was proud of it."

"What about William the Bloody?" Ginny voiced the question that everyone was wondering.

"Spike was my ..." Buffy choked on her words, looking to Angel, who kissed her hand and whispered something in her ear. "Spike was my lover, I guess you could say, but I never actually *loved* him. He was there, and he helped me fight, and he catered to me, and so I used him. He was going to help me kill you all," she sobbed.

"It’ll be okay, Buffy, don’t cry," Willow begged, putting down her wine glass and moving to sit on the couch beside Buffy.

"No, it won’t! I had a great life ... no matter what I said, I had things most people only dream of, and I threw it away senselessly!"

"It was an accident," Xander said firmly. "It wasn’t your fault, and we don’t blame you."

"But I can’t just forget it," she whispered.

"No," Xander agreed. "I guess not ... but you can’t get lost in the past. Because you’re back now, and we want you in our future, and that’s all that matters."

"Is it?" Buffy asked, looking at Xander.

"Yes. Now drink your blood," he ordered jokingly.

Buffy’s lips curved into a smile as she took another sip and made another face. "It’s still disgusting."

"It really is," Angel agreed, shrugging when Cordelia glared at him.

"So ... what have you guys been up to?" Buffy asked. She looked to Ginny. "I guess you’re the new Slayer."

"Yes, I come from China."

"You’re good," Buffy murmured, smiling. "You’re barely bruised."

Ginny flushed with pride. "Thank you."

"And Cordelia ... you’ve been in LA, Angel said?" Buffy questioned, pushing the pain and guilt farther away, at least for the moment.

"Yeah, I’ve been helping Angel and all that good stuff," Cordelia grinned. "Did you see his cell? State of the art, my ex worked for Bell Atlantic."

"Uh, Cordelia, we’re not on the Atlantic."

"I know that ... oh nevermind!" Cordelia shook her head.

"Giles? Willow? Xander? What about you guys?" Buffy asked, looking to each of them.

"I ... uh, after the high school ... well, blew up, I got a new job, at the university, teaching a demonology class three nights a week," Giles supplied, and Buffy’s eyebrows went up.

"Really? Wow. That’s chic. Big improvement," she joked, and Giles smiled, relieved. She seemed to be able to at least tame down some of her guilt, and having Angel by her side obviously helped.

"We’ve been dating," Willow blurted out suddenly.

Buffy choked on her drink. "WHAT?"

"She means us," Xander said quickly. "Not her and Giles. I hope!"

Buffy would have sighed in relief had she been breathing. "You scared me there, Willow! Have you two, really? That’s great."

"Yeah, after you ... left, we got closer," Xander continued. "Nine months. And counting."

"They’re utterly lovey-dovey, I have to go with Spike on the wanting-to-vomit thing," Cordelia muttered, but she was smiling. Her smile disappeared when she realized who she had just brought up. "Oh, Buffy, I’m sorry ..."

Buffy shook her head, holding Angel’s hand tightly. "Don’t be ... I have everything I need right here."

"S-So, where are you going to be living, Buffy?" Giles looked at her inquisitively.

"With Angel," Buffy’s voice was soft, "He said I could. But don’t worry, we won’t -"

"I know." Giles cut her off, smiling in a fatherly way. "I trust you. Both of you ... completely. I think that it would be in your best interest to stay with Angel indefinitely. He can ... help you. You can help each other."

A smile graced Buffy’s face, small, but still the biggest one anyone had seen from her all night. "I want to ... I want to thank you guys. You are unbelievable ... I love you all. And ... I don’t know what I’d do without you, or how I managed. But ... this is hard, everything is hard, and you guys are making it so much easier. So ... thank you."

"Oh, you’re more than welcome," Willow gushed. "I mean ... it’s *you*."

"I wonder ..." Buffy responded sadly.

"No brooding," Willow requested gently, then blinked. "I never thought I’d say that to you."

"Neither did I," Buffy shook her head.

"We’re always going to be here for you ... through everything, no matter what. I promise," Xander vowed.

"You guys are the best," Buffy mumbled tearfully.

"Hey ... why the tears?" Xander asked, watching the little drops cascade down her face.

"I’m happy," Buffy admitted. "Happier, at least ... you guys have been so understanding, and you made me feel welcome, even though I don’t deserve it."

"That’s where you’re wrong ... You do deserve it. More than anyone. Always," Xander finished

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