21

Friday night, Buffy greeted Angel with a smile when he returned home from softball practice. He was dirty and she thought he looked drained. "Hey, you. How was practice?" she asked.

He groaned and slumped down onto the couch. His arms fell to his sides like strands of spaghetti, his legs felt like rubber bands and he could hardly breathe. "I'm gonna die. I'm way too old for this."

"How come? You told me the girls are good players."

"They usually are. Apparently today was an off-day for them. I've never had to run for so many stray balls in the two years I've been coaching."

"Aww, poor baby." She walked around to the back of the couch and proceeded to rub Angel's shoulders. The muscles felt tense under her fingers; she did her best to loosen them up.

He closed his eyes, letting the feeling of Buffy massaging his shoulders take him over. It had been years since he'd felt so calm and relaxed. "Hmm…that feels so good. Where on earth did you learn to do that?"

"Do what? Massage? It's not hard to do. And you are so tense, Angel."

"I know. I have a lot of stress in my life. Which is sad considering it's the beginning of summer vacation."

She leaned down and whispered in his ear. "Then let's make tonight as stress-free as possible."

The sultry tone of her voice heated his blood, made his heart pound and aroused him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pleaded with his body to behave. "Buffy…"

Unbeknownst to him, she smiled slyly behind his back. "Yes, Angel?" she innocently asked.

'Down, boy,' he told himself. "Nothing. So, um, what exactly did you do today?" Angel wanted to change the subject, removing any sexual undertones.

"Well, I had a meeting with your friend Spike at three-thirty, went out to dinner with Willow and Tara, then I did some shopping at the mall. It was fairly boring. Not nearly as exciting as your day, apparently. Or as tiring."

"Seventeen- and eighteen-year-old girls will drain all your energy."

Buffy laughed, continuing to rub him. "Did I drain your energy when I was that age?"

"Yes. I spent most of my energy trying to keep you from getting expelled from high school. But I was ten years younger and totally in love with you. I'd have done anything for you back then," Angel explained.

"What about now?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still in love with you, but I've since put limits on what I'll do for you. Or anyone, for that matter. I am older and wiser. And I get tired more easily."

She agreed wholeheartedly. "We both are. And we both do."

"My father called this afternoon while you were out. Alexis and her family are coming down to visit this weekend and there is a picnic at the house on Sunday afternoon. We're invited."

Her face paled. "We? Your parents know I'm back in town? What did they say about me?"

"Don't worry, Buffy, they don't know you're in Sunnydale again. They did tell me to bring a date if I want to, so I'm going to bring you."

"Thank god they don't know about us." She sighed with relief. If Mr. and Mrs. Brennan found out what happened after the reunion, she'd never be able to face them.

"My dad knows."

Buffy stopped what she was doing from the shock of Angel's words. "What? Your father knows? That's it, Angel, I'm humiliated! I can't go to this thing on Sunday. I'll never be able to deal with their horrible thoughts of me. I loved your parents like they were my own and-"

"It's okay. He doesn't know everything," Angel interrupted her.

"Huh?"

"Dad only knows that I had an affair with a married woman. He doesn't know it's you. And as far as I'm concerned, it isn't any of their business. You're getting an annulment, and when it's completed we'll be together. End of story."

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her chin on the top of his head. "You mean that? Really mean it?"

"Yes, I do. Now if you don't mind, I am going to take a long, hot shower and wash some of this dirt off my body."

***

After his relaxing shower, Angel felt refreshed. The hot water relieved his sore muscles and soothed his nerves. He had no idea how his parents survived his and Alexis' teen years. Granted, he'd been more of a homebody compared to his older sister, but he hadn't been easy to live with. Angel wondered how he'd handle parenthood, should the time ever come.

When he opened the bathroom door, he immediately smelled smoke. "Buffy? Is something burning?" he called.

"I lit a few candles," she replied.

"A few? The smoke alarm is gonna go off any minute." Turning off the bathroom light, he stepped into the hallway. "Where are you?"

"In your room."

Angel walked down the hall to his bedroom, the stench of the smoke becoming stronger with every step he took. Once inside his room, he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him: Buffy lying on his bed, clad only in a sexy black negligee. He needed to blink several times to make certain his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. On every flat surface sat a burning candle, which brought the only light to the otherwise-darkened room.

"B-Buffy," he stuttered.

"You like?" she questioned.

He shook his head in confusion. "I don't get it. What's all this for?"

"You told me on Tuesday that you and I wouldn't be intimate until I began annulment proceedings. Well, I signed the initial paperwork this afternoon and Griffin will be served on Monday morning," Buffy told him. She handed him a piece of paper. "For proof. See? That's my signature at the bottom."

Angel looked it over. "You're serious."

"Of course I am. You thought I was just fooling around?"

"No, but…"

"Look, I don't know why I married Griffin when you were the one I truly wanted to be with. Angel, it was your face I saw when I recited my wedding vows to him. I'm putting the past behind me and beginning my future with you. This is just the first step."

She got off the bed and slithered over to where Angel stood. Taking his hands in hers, she led him to the bed, pushed him into a sitting position at the edge of it and straddled him with her knees. "You never answered my question. Do you like my outfit?"

"It'll look better on the floor," he answered. "Where'd you get it?"

"I told you, I went shopping today. My credit card got quite a workout at Victoria's Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood." She licked her lips. "What do you say we work on getting this thing on the floor?"

***

"Sorry it wasn't the romantic setting you had in mind for us," she apologized, stretching her tired body along the length of him once their lovemaking ended.

"It was perfect. You were quite…aggressive," Angel commented. "I don't remember you ever being like that."

"Yeah well, Griffin always wanted to be in charge when we did it. I wanted to see what it felt like to be in control for a change."

"And?"

She planted a kiss on his cheek. "It felt brazen and wanton. And absolutely wonderful."

"It was all of the above. I loved every second of it. You can take charge anytime you like. And you know what? I'm glad we didn't wait until the annulment was completed. I don't think I could have waited that long to be with you again."

"Same here. I don't know about you, but I'm beat. That took a lot out of me," Buffy said.

"Me, too."

***

22

Sunday afternoon rolled around much too quickly for Buffy. After spending Friday night and most of Saturday morning in bed with Angel, she felt as if she could conquer the world. But as soon as she woke up on Sunday, a sense of dread filled her. She was going to be re-introduced to his family as the woman in his life, and she feared their reaction given the circumstances of their breakup ten years earlier. Would Angel's parents hold her responsible for him leaving only days after graduation? Would they blame her for his unhappiness that first year of college? Or would they simply slam the door in her face?

Angel walked into the room he'd converted into an office, finding Buffy staring at the computer monitor. "I was wondering where you went to."

"I wanted to start working on my column for next week. I promised Beth I'd fax a copy to her by tomorrow afternoon so it'll be ready for Thursday's edition," she told him.

"You know, we never really talked about what you'll do about your writing once you finalize the move out here," he said.

She nodded, agreeing with him. "I know we haven't. Angel, I love my job and I don't want to quit."

"You know I'd never ask you to do that. But don't you think it'll be difficult to write for the Wichita Press when you live in Sunnydale, California?"

"I don't think so. My weekly column is about life. No necessarily about my life, but how I see things and the world around me. I have a pretty loyal fan base and I'm sure they'll love reading about life in Sunnydale."

"For your opening line you can tell them there isn't any corn," Angel suggested.

Buffy groaned at him. "That is such a big misconception. Kansas is not the corn state, Nebraska is. I thought you passed History and Geography."

"I did. But that was over a decade ago. I'm lucky I remembered that Kansas is one of the ones in the middle."

"Very astute of you." She stood up and smirked at him.

"Are you ready to go? We were supposed to be at my parents' house twenty minutes ago," he told her.

Her face fell and her heart pounded with nervousness. "Maybe you'd better go without me. I've got a lot of work to do if I'm going to have this article written by tomorrow afternoon. I still have to write the first draft, edit, revise, proofread…"

"Forget it, Buffy. Nice try, but you're still coming with me."

"I can't. I-I'm not dressed for it."

Angel took a hold of her hand, rubbing it reassuringly. "What you're wearing is fine; it's not a black tie event. Now let's go."

Swallowing her pride, Buffy nodded slowly. "Okay. But I'm scared."

"Don't be scared. They loved you ten years ago and they'll love you again today."

***

When the doorbell rang at quarter to three, Margaret Brennan practically jumped from her position on the couch to answer it. "That must be Angel and his date. I wonder who he brought with him."

"Has he been seeing anyone recently? I know he hasn't been doing much dating since he and Drusilla broke up," Alexis commented.

"Not that I know of. I'm just happy he's putting himself out there again." She walked over to the front door and opened it, seeing her only son standing on the other side. "Hiya, honey. I thought you were going to be here half an hour ago."

"Sorry," Angel apologized. "We were running a bit behind."

"Who is your date? We've been sitting here in suspense since Friday afternoon."

Angel smiled at his mother and moved to the left to reveal his date. "I think you already know her."

Mrs. Brennan stood with a shocked expression on her face when she saw the blonde woman standing at the door. "Oh my lord. Buffy Summers."

"Hi, Mrs. Brennan. It's nice to see you after so many years," Buffy greeted.

"Same here. Please, come in." After Buffy entered, Mrs. Brennan grabbed her son's arm as he was walking through the door. "Angel? Care to explain?"

He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. "I will. Don't worry, I'm not setting myself up for a fall. I know what I'm doing, Mom."

"Who's that?" five-year-old Steven asked, pointing at Buffy.

"That, Steven, is my girlfriend," Angel answered his nephew. "Her name is Buffy."

'Hell hath frozen over,' Alexis thought. 'Buffy Summers is back.'

Edward Brennan got off his chair and ran over to hug the young woman. He'd always thought of her as a second daughter, and knew she thought of him as the father she never had during the four years she and Angel dated. "Buffy. You look lovely."

"Thank you. You look great yourself."

"You and Angel are seeing each other again?" he asked.

Mr. Brennan's questions seemed to put her at ease. She knew he wasn't trying to pry and was genuinely happy to see her; she didn't get that feeling from Angel's mother or sister. "You could say that. We reconnected at the reunion a few weeks ago and I'm in the process of moving back here."

The tall, dark-haired man sitting next to Alexis stood up and extended his arm toward her. "We haven't met before, but I've seen pictures of you. I'm Brad Nelson, Alexis' husband."

Buffy shook his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Angel's told me a little bit about you."

"Speaking of husbands," Alexis began, speaking for the first time since her brother arrived, "don't you have one?"

"Lexie…" Angel warned.

"Yes, I do. We're separated at the moment and I have filed for an annulment. Griffin isn't the same man I married six years ago. Shortly after the reunion I realized how much I still love Angel and how unhappy my marriage was. I made a mistake and now I'm fixing it."

Sensing a bit of underlying hostility between Alexis and Buffy, Mr. Brennan thought it best to change the subject. "It's a beautiful day outside. Why don't we all sit in the backyard," he suggested.

***

"Angel, I need your help with the hot dogs and hamburgers," his father said to him shortly before dinner was to be served.

Angel got up, heading to the grill where his father stood preparing the family's meal. "No problem. What do you need me to help with?"

"Nothing really. I just wanted to talk to you in private."

Rolling his eyes, he flipped a hamburger. "Let me take a wild guess here. You want to talk to me about Buffy. Well, get in line behind Mom and Lexie." Angel glanced back at the other family members, seeing Steven sitting on Buffy's lap. "It looks like Steven's taken a liking to her. Did you hear him ask if he should call her Aunt Buffy? I thought Lexie's eyes would fall out of their sockets."

"She's the one, isn't she, Angel?" Mr. Brennan started. "Buffy is your married woman."

"What?"

"You heard me. I can put two and two together. You told me you slept with a married woman a few weeks back, now out of the blue Buffy Summers is back in your life. And she's separated from her husband, no less."

Angel sighed. "Yes. It was her. It happened after the reunion. She and her husband got into an argument and he left here there. I offered to let her spend the night in one of my spare rooms. It wasn't something I planned; we got to talking, one thing led to another and we slept together. Buffy told me she was leaving her husband, but she sent me a letter a few days later telling me she'd decided to give him a second chance. I figured that was the end of it until she showed up at my door Monday night."

"I don't mean to sound harsh, but what makes you think she will stay this time?" Mr. Brennan wanted to know.

"Because I've given her every opportunity to go back to Griffin Montgomery and she hasn't. This is it, Dad. Buffy and I are in it for the long haul."

***

"Edward and I were very saddened to hear of your mother's death," Mrs. Brennan said to Buffy while her husband and son were flipping the hamburgers and hot dogs. "We were in Florida at the time and didn't find out until we returned a month later."

Buffy solemnly nodded. "Thank you, Mrs. Brennan."

"Please, you have known me for fourteen years, Buffy. I think it's time you started calling me Margaret. I have a feeling you'll be a member of this family if my Angel has anything to say about it."

"I hope so."

"Now, I don't recall Joyce ever mentioning she was ill. She had a brain tumor, correct?" she questioned. "Her obituary said it was a short illness."

"Uh-huh. It happened really quickly. She found out just weeks before I got married and passed away a few months later. Mom had had surgery to remove the tumor and we all thought she'd be fine. Then I got a call saying she'd suffered an aneurysm. The doctor said it happened so suddenly that he doubted she felt any pain whatsoever."

Mrs. Brennan patted her knee. "You don't have to talk about it if it hurts too much."

"It does still hurt. Mostly because she was so young when it happened…and I never got a chance to say goodbye to her."

"Dinner's ready!" Angel announced.

Everyone got up and filed to the grill, Buffy and Alexis bringing up the rear. "What's your game this time, Buffy?" the older woman demanded.

"What game? I don't know what you are talking about, Lexie."

"The game you are playing with my brother. Is toying with Angel's heart your idea of fun?"

"Of course it isn't. I love your brother more than anything."

Alexis gave her a sarcastic smile. "Yeah, sure. You may have him fooled, but not me. I can see right through you. Don't you dare break his heart again. You don't know what he was like last time; I do. I was the one left picking up the pieces."

"I am not going to hurt Angel. You have my word," Buffy swore.

"Your word, that's really comforting. Let me make one thing very clear, Buffy. You and I aren't friends, we'll never be friends again after what you did. I don't trust you. And if you hurt my little brother this time around, I'll make your life a living hell."

***

23

"What do you make of this new turn of events, honey?" Mrs. Brennan asked her daughter while they were cleaning up the dishes after dinner.

"You mean Buffy and Angel?" Alexis wanted to know.

"Of course! What did you think I meant?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders. "I was hoping you were talking about something else, like maybe the events in the Middle East."

Sighing, her mother dropped the cup she was holding into the dishwater. "Okay, I'm sensing you aren't happy that your brother and Buffy have worked things out. You used to be their biggest supporter."

"'Used to be' being the operative phrase there, Mom. Yes, I wanted them to get together; hell, I practically pushed Angel to ask her out. I loved Buffy like a little sister and I saw how Angel felt about her. And then she broke his heart in a million pieces. I'm sorry, but I will never be able to forgive her for that," she explained.

"It was ten years ago."

"I'm aware of that. I've never been one to forgive and forget." She shook her head. "Don't you remember what Angel was like when he got home that night? Or the days following? He was devastated that she didn't want to marry him."

"Yes, I remember. But try to look at it from Buffy's point of view."

Alexis glared out the kitchen window, watching Buffy braid Emily's hair. It made her sick to see her act as if she were a member of the family. "Truthfully, I don't want to see things from her point of view. There's no excuse for what she did."

"She was only eighteen, Alexis Jane," Mrs. Brennan reminded her thirty-year-old daughter. "Not everybody is ready for marriage right out of high school. Your brother overreacted when she said no; he took off without waiting for an explanation."

"You're taking her side? What kind of a mother are you?" Alexis demanded, her brown eyes wide and her hands on her hips.

"I don't appreciate that tone of voice. You may be the mother of two, but I won't hesitate to take you over my knee in front of them," she warned.

Rolling her eyes, she let out a deep breath she'd been holding. "Sorry, Mom. But I still don't understand why you're taking Buffy's side over your own son's."

"This isn't about taking sides; I happen to know what she went through when Angel proposed because I went through the same thing. We were the same age, fresh out of high school. Do you think I said yes to your father right away? No. It took me days to finally say yes. I wasn't sure if I was ready and your father was kind enough to give me the time I needed. Now I can't speak for Buffy, but I can guess she knew she wasn't ready yet. That doesn't mean she didn't want to marry him eventually. Your brother jumped to the wrong conclusion when she said no, and took off. He made a mistake."

"No. Marrying her will be his biggest mistake."

Mrs. Brennan frowned at her daughter's remark. "Alexis, Angel is old enough to make his own decisions. I haven't seen him this happy in ten years. Allow him his happiness."

***

"Mom, can Steven and I sleep over Uncle Angel's house tonight?" Emily asked at eight o'clock when Buffy and Angel were getting ready to leave.

"I don't know, Em. Your uncle might have other plans."

She shook her head vigorously. "Oh no, he already told us we could. And Aunt Buffy said she'd give me a makeover. Please, Mom?"

'I don't want Buffy anywhere near my daughter. It's bad enough she's got Emily calling her Aunt Buffy,' Alexis thought. "Maybe some other time."

"Lexie, it's fine with us if Emily and Steven sleep over. I was actually hoping they would," Angel told his sister.

Brad came up behind Alexis, putting his arms around her. "Aren't you the one who's always complaining that we never get any time alone? Just let the kids stay over at your brother's place. Besides, you know how much they love it over there. And they'll just whine if you don't let them."

Seeing the pleading gazes in her children's eyes, she relented. "All right. But you two better be good for your uncle and his…and Buffy. If I get one bad report, that'll be the last time you stay over there. No more sleepovers ever."

Cheering, the two kids went running down the hall to the bedroom they were sharing. "They'll be fine at my house," promised Angel. "They always are."

"Yeah, I'm sure they will be. They have certainly taken a liking to Buffy."

Having heard Alexis' comment, Buffy stated, "I'm glad. I love kids, and it'll be fun having a few around tonight."

"If you love kids so much, why don't you have any with your husband?"

"Alexis!" Brad exclaimed, shocked by her question.

"No, it's okay, Brad. You want to know why Griffin and I don't have any kids? Because he didn't want any," she answered shortly, not liking Alexis' tone. "Is there anything else you want to know about my marriage while we're on the subject?"

Alexis took a step toward her. "As a matter of fact, yes there is. What's the real reason you're getting a divorce?"

"Stop this right now," Angel demanded.

"Angel, you don't have to stick up for me," Buffy told him. "First off, I'm not getting divorced, I'm having my marriage annulled. There *is* a difference. And I left him for personal reasons I don't care to get into right now."

"What? Fidelity became too hard?"

"Because he hit me!" she blurted out. "Are you happy now, Lexie? Does that bring a smile to your face? Does it brighten your day?"

The revelation surprised Alexis; it was the last thing she expected to hear. She couldn't imagine Buffy letting any man hit her. "I didn't know. I'm sorry, Buffy."

"I hope so," growled her brother.

Buffy placed her hand on his arm, hoping to calm him down. "Angel, please. Not here, not now. Besides, I just want to go home."

"Okay."

Emily and Steven ran into the room, each of them carrying a duffel bag. "Ready!" they shouted.

Angel knelt down to their level. "Do you two monsters have everything you need? Toothbrushes, underwear, first aid kits?" he asked.

Watching the exchange, Buffy smiled to herself. 'He is so great with kids. I'm sure he'll want a whole brood of them. Little Angels running around…now there's an image.' "First aid kits? Am I missing something here?"

"For the pillow fight to end all pillow fights," Angel informed her. "I'm the reigning champ."

"No way!" Emily argued. "I'm gonna beat your sorry butt this year."

Buffy laughed. "Hey, Emily, how about we make it boys against girls this year. I think the two of us can give those two losers a run for their money."

"We're not losers!" complained Steven. "Are we, Uncle Angel?"

"Nope. We're gonna wipe the floor with them."

"Yeah!" Steven shouted.

Emily looked at Buffy and grinned. "I'm in. Can we go now?"

"Sure. Say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa first."

After the kids said their goodbyes, Mrs. Brennan approached Buffy, handing her a piece of paper. "Here's the phone number for my doctor, just like you asked. She's excellent, but you should give her a call first thing tomorrow if you want an appointment anytime soon. Dr. Valenti gets very busy."

"Thank you so much, I'll be sure to call tomorrow. It's been so long since I've had a physical, now is as good a time as any."

***

24

The next morning, a very tired-looking Emily shuffled into the kitchen, her light brown hair rumpled from sleeping. Buffy laughed when she laid eyes on the little girl. "You look awfully tired this morning, Emily. Didn't you sleep well?"

"No, not really."

"Don't tell me you're still afraid of this house. It's not really haunted, you know," her uncle teased as he cooked their breakfast.

Emily shook her head and scrunched her nose. "I don't believe in ghosts, Uncle Angel. Mom told me there are no such things. She says you made it all up to scare me."

"And to think your mother used to be fun," he said with a light-hearted laugh. "I think you're old enough to hear what your mother used to do to me when *I* was nine."

With a roll of her eyes, Buffy sighed. The last thing Emily Nelson needed to hear were horror stories about her mother. "Angel, don't. She's too young. In ten years she'll still be too young." She turned her attention to the nine-year-old sitting across the table from her. "How come you didn't sleep well last night? Did your brother keep you up?"

"No. I couldn't sleep because it was loud."

"Loud?" Angel repeated, confused by her answer. "Is your little brother a snorer?"

Emily giggled. "Nuh-huh, Uncle Angel. It was loud in your room. You guys sleep really loud. Were you having a bad dream? 'Cause that's what Mommy says is wrong when she and Daddy are really loud at night."

Buffy and Angel exchanged embarrassed smiles. 'Dammit,' she thought to herself. 'I knew we shouldn't have made love last night.' "That's it exactly, Emily. I had a bad dream. And when I have one, I like to toss and turn a lot."

"Oh, okay. Do you have any Pop Tarts?" she wanted to know.

"Sorry, we're all out," her uncle answered. "But I think I might have some Cocoa Krispies left. You don't want any eggs?"

"No thank you. I've tasted your eggs. I think I'll stick with cereal."

With mock hurt, Angel tossed a towel at his niece's head.

***

"Angel, I want to apologize for Alexis' behavior yesterday evening," Brad started later that day when he stopped by the house to pick up Emily and Steven. "She had no right to say those things about Buffy."

"Don't worry about it. Lexie hasn't exactly been Buffy's biggest fan over the past decade. You'd figure by now she would be willing to forgive and forget. I guess not."

Brad laughed at the comment. "You got that right. Believe me, that woman knows how to hold a grudge. But the thing is, I don't understand why she's so upset about Buffy returning. The way she tells it, they were the best of friends in high school."

"Yeah, they were. When Buffy first moved to Sunnydale, the two of them hit it off immediately; that entire summer the three of us were inseparable. In fact, Alexis knew how I felt about Buffy before I even did. She convinced me to act on my feelings and ended up being our biggest supporter. If it wasn't for her, I doubt Buffy and I would have ever gotten together."

"And then you two broke up and she blamed Buffy for it," he deduced.

"Yep. The breakup was due to my own stupidity, I know that now. But I don't think my sister thinks of it that way. She put all the blame on Buffy when it really belonged on me. I was the one who walked away, and when I couldn't deal with the prospect of seeing her, I ran away."

Frowning, Brad nodded in understanding. "You were only eighteen, it isn't like you knew any better at the time."

"Exactly. I've put the past behind me. Now I hope Alexis can do the same."

"She will. Just give her some time."

"Well, she had better. Because as soon as those annulment papers are finalized, I plan on asking Buffy to marry me. I'm hoping she'll say yes this time around," Angel said.

"I think that woman out there knows how lucky she is. I can almost guarantee she'll say yes. I don't see Buffy as the string 'em along type," Brad commented.

Angel smiled. "No, she's not."

***

Two weeks later, Doctor Sheila Valenti sat in the examining room with Buffy. It was the woman's first visit and they were going over Buffy's family history prior to her physical.

"Any history of heart or lung disease?" the doctor wanted to know.

Buffy shook her head. "Not on my mom's side. I don't know about my dad's side. Hell, I don't know much of anything about my father's side of the family."

"How come?"

"It's kind of a long story. The shorter version is that I only met my father twice - once when I was a kid and again five years ago when my mother died. The only thing I know about him is his name," she explained.

"I see. You said your mother died; how? She wasn't very old, was she?"

She looked down; talking about her mother's illness was never easy for her. "She was in her early forties. She had an aneurysm as a result of a brain tumor."

Scribbling on her sheet of paper, Dr. Valenti nodded. "I see. How long as she ill for?"

"Six months at the most. It happened very suddenly. I consider it to be a blessing that she went quickly and painlessly."

"Sometimes it is a blessing. Well, I think I have all I need for now. Your former physician in Wichita is forwarding your file to me; if I have any further questions I will call you. But I do need some blood work."

"Why?"

"I require all of my new patients to have complete blood work done. That way I can run any necessary tests at once. We can do it right now or wait until tomorrow morning, it's up to you," the doctor told her.

Buffy shuddered, imagining the needle she'd be pricked with. "I guess now would be a good time to mention my fear of needles."

"Don't worry. I'll make it as painless as possible."

She took a deep breath. "Okay. Do you mind if I ask what kind of tests you'll be running?"

"Just the usual. Trust me, Buffy, it's nothing to be concerned about. If there is anything out of the ordinary, I'll let you know right away."

***

25

"Did your doctor's appointment go well?" Angel asked Buffy when she returned home an hour later.

Shrugging her shoulders, she made a beeline for the refrigerator and pulled out a can of Diet Pepsi. She opened it and took a swig. "It was okay. I don't love doctors any more than I did before. But it didn't kill me. Dr. Valenti seems like a nice lady."

"She is. Mom has been going to her for years and swears by her." He noticed a bandage on the inside of Buffy's right elbow. "What's that?"

Buffy groaned. "I had to get blood work done."

"And I'm sensing by your tone of voice that you still hate needles," Angel noted. "But everything's okay, right?"

"Yeah. Dr. Valenti said it's standard procedure, not that it made me any happier about it. Oh well. At least it's over. No more doctors for quite some time."

***

Later that night, the two of them sat on the couch watching television. They had been watching a show on Channel 7 when all of a sudden Buffy turned it off. "What did you do that for?" Angel complained. "I was watching that."

"It was a repeat. Besides, I think right now would be a good time to talk," she told him.

"About what?"

"I don't know. Anything. You know, we never really talked about what happened to each other in college. Now might be a good time."

Angel's pulse quickened; the last thing he wanted to talk about was college. "Buffy, maybe that's not such a great idea."

"Why not? Come on, don't be such a baby, college wasn't that bad, was it? I'll even start. Ask me anything."

Against his better judgement, he gave in. 'I know this is going to come back and bite me in the ass. But I guess Buffy will find out eventually. The sooner the better.' "Okay. Willow mentioned a little bit about freshman year while we were at the reunion. Some guy you dated named Parker…I'm curious about what happened between you two."

"Ugh," she moaned in disgust. "Do I really have to talk about Parker Abrams? Getting involved with him wasn't one of the brightest things I've ever done in my life."

He could see the flicker of pain as it flashed across her face. "He hurt you, didn't he?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Big time. He was the first guy I went out with after we - after you left town. At first he seemed like a really great guy: friendly, funny, sweet, good-looking…he reminded me of you in a lot of ways. Parker even looked like you, with his dark hair and dark eyes. But he wasn't you, and he demonstrated that to me. Anyway, we went out on a few dates, had fun…and then I slept with him."

"H-He was your first," Angel assumed, practically choking on the words as they left his mouth.

"Yeah. I mean, he was so much like you that I wanted to believe he *was* you. And I also wanted to prove to everyone that I could move on with my life even though I really didn't want to. I knew I'd never get over you , and the only thing I was capable of doing was going through the motions." Buffy paused, gauging his reaction. "Does that make any sense?"

"Believe it or not, it does. I went through almost the exact same thing at UCLA. But go on, continue."

She swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "Well, I woke up the next morning alone in his bed. He'd gone out for coffee and came back a few minutes after I'd woken up. When I left, Parker promised to call me, and I sat in my room for two days waiting to hear from him. But I never did. Finally, I confronted him about it and do you know what he told me? He said it was fun. He never cared about me; all he wanted to do was get me in bed. Apparently he suffered from intimacy problems, and the problem being that he couldn't get enough of it."

"God, Buffy, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"Forget it, it's of the past. A few weeks later I met Griffin. After the way I'd been burned by Parker, I was determined to take things slowly. Part of me figured if I kept dating guys who looked like you, I'd always end up hurt or disappointed. Griffin was your polar opposite." Buffy laughed shortly. "In every way."

Angel looked away. "I think I know how the story goes from here on out."

"There's not much left to tell. We dated, he proposed in November of 1995 and we got married shortly after graduation."

"Yeah, I know. Alexis decided to torture me by sending a copy of your engagement announcement. And I took the news rather hard," he informed her.

"I can imagine. If the roles had been reversed, I probably would have gone off the deep end myself."

He gazed at her, a sad look on his face. "Looking back, I think I did go off the deep end. I did things I never would have done under normal circumstances."

Buffy was intrigued. Something had happened to him, something bad he found difficult to talk about. "Feel up to telling me about it?"

"Not particularly. But since you shared with him, I should extend the same courtesy. When I left Sunnydale I didn't head straight for Los Angeles. I spent most of the summer driving around the West Coast; I went to San Francisco, Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, etc.. That entire summer was spent thinking, second guessing myself and wondering what I could have done differently. And in the end I came up with nothing.

"My first year at UCLA wasn't nearly as eventful as yours. I spent the majority of it studying or spending time with my new friends. Spike was my roommate and he dragged me to every frat party on campus. It took me until sophomore year before I felt ready to date again. Even then it was only a few girls, nothing really serious. I graduated, went to USC for grad school and moved back here to teach."

"Is that where you met Drusilla? At USC?" she wanted to know.

"Uh-huh. First year. We had Psychology together."

'At least he's opening up. I just wish he'd tell me what *really* happened at college that upset him.' "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Sure."

"Who was she?" Your first, I mean. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume it wasn't Drusilla."

He inhaled sharply. It was the question he'd been dreading. The last thing Angel wanted to do was hurt Buffy. "I don't want to talk about it, Buffy."

'A-ha!' "What is it? Angel, don't clam up on me now. Believe me, it can't be anywhere near as bad as mine."

"Care to make a wager on that?" he asked. "I would rather forget about it. I wasn't in my right mind at the time."

"What do you mean? Were you drunk?"

He shook his head. "I wish I had been, at least then I would have an excuse for what I did. My first time was a lapse in judgement that I regret. Moreso now than ever because you're back in my life."

"Spill. It'll feel better once you talk about it," Buffy reassured him.

"You don't want to hear it. If I tell you, it will only hurt you."

Buffy gazed at him with questions in her green eyes. "Hurt me? What are you talking about? How is it going to hurt me?"

"It just will. But if you really want to hear about it, I'll tell you." Angel paused, taking a deep breath in preparation. "I was a senior and it was late November; I'd just gotten a copy of your engagement announcement. Needless to say, I did not take the news very well. For three years I held on to the hope that maybe - just maybe - you and I might get back together. Reading that announcement basically shot all my dreams to hell.

"Spike saw how upset I was and forced me to go to this party a friend of his was having. So I went and I was determined to try to forget what I had read. I ran into a girl I knew, we talked, went back to my dorm room and slept together. End of story."

She was confused by his story. "Okay, I don't understand. How would that have hurt me? It's better than what happened to me."

"It's not *what* happened. It's *who* it happened with."

"Who?"

He looked away once again, ashamed. "Cordelia."

It took several moments for the weight of Angel's words to sink in. A bevy of emotions flowed through her. "Cordelia? As in Cordelia Chase?"

"I'm sorry."

"You had sex with Cordelia Chase?" she demanded, not doing a very good job of hiding her anger.

"I know what you're thinking, Buffy, but -"

"Do you?! You had sex with the one girl I hated for most of high school! You know the hell she put me through when she made it her life's mission to steal you from me. Cordelia did everything in her power to take you away from me."

"I know that. And that's the reason I regret it."

"And she got you."

"No. No she didn't. I'm with you, not her. Look, when I realized what I'd done, I regretted it instantly. And I haven't seen or spoken to Cordy since," he explained.

Buffy bit her lip. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"That's why I didn't want to tell you, because I knew it would hurt you. Besides, you slept with that Parker guy, and you only knew him for a few weeks. I've known Cordy since grammar school."

"That's completely different, Angel. You didn't know him like I knew Cordelia. You're not going to be the one imagining it tonight. You've got it easy, you'll be thinking of me with a nameless, faceless guy. I'll see you with Cordelia Chase. It makes me sick. Right about now, so do you."

Without another word, Buffy stood up and walked into the bedroom they shared. Hurt and betrayed by Angel's confession.

***

The phone rang the next afternoon. Closing her laptop, Buffy reached over to answer it. "Hello?…Yes, this is Buffy…Hi, Dr. Valenti…You got my blood work back? Is something wrong?…What?…No, thank you for letting me know…Goodbye."

She hung up the phone, staring at the receiver. "Oh my god."

Go to Part 26