Part 21

For what seemed like the millionth time that night, Angel looked at his wristwatch. ‘What’s keeping Buffy?’ he wondered. ‘I hope everything is okay.’ He was waiting rather impatiently for Buffy to show up at the Bronze for their date. She was leaving for L.A. the next afternoon, and they had planned on meeting at the Bronze at eight. But at nine-fifteen, she had yet to show.

"I know. Is the Bronze not-happening, or what?" someone asked from across the table.

Looking up, Angel spied Cordelia smiling at him. "Um, hi. I’m waiting for Buffy."

‘Doesn’t this just figure. The guy’s in town for almost two months and he’s already Buffy-whipped. Here I am in this drop-dead gorgeous designer outfit and all he can say is "I’m waiting for Buffy." Ha!’ "I’m supposed to be meeting Devon, but he’s nowhere to be seen. It’s like he thinks being in a band gives him an obligation to be a flake. Well, his loss is your incredible gain."

"I’m still waiting for Buffy," he stated. "We have a date tonight."

"Is she a little late? That’s so Buffy of her," Cordelia commented snidely. "I mean, she’s never on time for anything. If she bothers to show up at all."

"She probably got held up by something, that’s all," reasoned Angel. "She’ll be here any minute. Buffy has never stood me up."

Cordelia smirked. "She’d have to be pretty stupid to stand *you* up. What girl in her right mind would do that? I know I wouldn’t."

"I’m sure you wouldn’t. But I think I know Buffy a little bit better than you do."

"That’s our Buffy. Slay Gal extraordinaire." She paused. "Oops, my bad. I’m not supposed to bring that up. It’s a big secret."

Angel knew exactly what the brunette was up to. She was baiting him, but he wasn’t about to bite. "You know what, you’re right. She probably did get stuck slaying."

"You…you know about that?" she stammered. ‘Damn.’

"Yeah, Buffy explained the whole thing to me a month ago. So, I don’t mind that she’s a bit late. I bet she’s been busy saving the world."

Immediately after the words left his mouth, Buffy entered the club. She felt out of place right away. After spending the past two hours slaying, she knew how horrible she must look in comparison to the other people there. Scanning the crowd, she caught sight of Angel, talking to Cordelia. ‘Well, she wastes no time, does she?’

"Hey, you," Buffy greeted, moving past Cordelia to give her boyfriend a quick kiss on the cheek. "Sorry I’m late. Rough day at the office."

Angel smiled at her, glad she’d finally arrived. "Apparently," he replied, pulling a blade of grass out of her hair.

Cordelia, aggravated about being ignored, wasn’t about to let an opportunity to put Buffy down pass her by. "Love the look, Buffy. It just *screams* trailer park."

"It’s a look. A seasonal look," retorted the Slayer. No way was she going to let Cordelia Chase get to her.

"I didn’t know grass and dirt was the latest fashion trend. Oh wait, that’s right. It isn’t."

Buffy put her arm around Angel’s shoulder, an obvious sign of protectiveness. "I appreciate you keeping *my* boyfriend company while I was out slaying. But I’m here now, so you can go away, Cordy."

"I’ll see you later, Angel," Cordelia said sweetly before walking away toward her friends’ table.

"Thank you," he sighed as Buffy took the empty seat next to him. "That girl just makes me uncomfortable."

"She was totally coming on to you. Another minute and she would’ve been sitting on your lap."

He raised his eyebrows. "Jealous?"

"Of her? Never," she said unconvincingly.

"It was all an act. One that I’d never fall for, by the way."

Buffy frowned. "You mean that ‘actually showing up, wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene’ act?"

"You look beautiful," Angel assured her.

"I look trashed."

"Lucky for you, I like the trashed look. She’s not my type, Buffy. Cordelia’s fake and snobby and prissy, everything you’re not."

Buffy glared at him. "She was drooling in your cappuccino." She paused. "Yeah, maybe I am a little jealous of her."

"You have absolutely no reason to be. Look, what do you say you and I stop talking about Cordelia Chase and just enjoy your last night in town."

"I think that can be arranged," Buffy replied.

Angel took a sip of his cappuccino. "What time do you leave tomorrow?" He wasn’t looking forward to being in Sunnydale without her for more than three weeks.

"My dad’s picking me up at two. I should be back in good old Los Angeles by five, assuming he and Mom don’t get into a big argument. Last year, they had a big fight about him buying me too many shoes when I came back."

He placed his hand over hers. "I’m going to miss you like crazy. What am I supposed to do when you’re gone?"

"I’m sure you’ll find something. You can always call Willow or Xander and do something with them," Buffy suggested.

"Do something with Xander? He hates me, Buffy. Correction, he hates the fact that I’m going out with you."

"No he doesn’t."

"Yes, he does. Xander has a thing for you."

Buffy shook her head. "Nuh-huh. He was going out with Cordy for months and now he’s seeing Amy Madison. Xander doesn’t like me that way and he doesn’t hate you."

"I don’t feel like arguing with you tonight, especially about this. What do you want to do?" Angel asked. "It’s your last night in town, pick anything you want."

"Hmm…I’d like to spend it with my handsome boyfriend. But first, I want to dance."

Standing up, the two of them made their way to the dance floor. There were at least ten other couples slow dancing along with them, Willow and Oz included. Smiling quickly at her best friend, Buffy slipped comfortably into Angel’s embrace, resting her head on his shoulder.

"What time does your mom want you home tonight?" Angel wanted to know.

"I don’t know. All she said was to have a good time. So, I’m assuming she didn’t give me a curfew. I bet I could stay out all night if I wanted to."

"You could do that," he agreed. "Or you could spend the night with me. Cathy has a date tonight and told me not to wait up for her. We’d have the whole apartment to ourselves."

"Just the two of us?"

He nodded. "Yep. No adults there to interrupt us or to tell us what we can and cannot do. It could be a night to remember."

‘Spend the night?’ she thought. ‘No adults…a night to remember?’ "Angel, we can’t. I mean, I can’t spend the night with you. It wouldn’t be right."

"Buffy…"

"No. We haven’t known each other that long, and I’m not someone who hops into bed with just any guy." Buffy looked up at him. "I love you, but you and I aren’t ready to take that big of a step yet. I’m sorry."

Deep down, Angel knew she was right. "Don’t be. I don’t even know what I was thinking when I suggested that, Buffy. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. It’s just…"

"Just what?" she prodded.

"I don’t know, maybe I wanted to give you a going away present you’d never forget. That way you’d never forget me while you’re in L.A.."

"Angel, I’m not going to forget you. And I’m not saying that we’ll never do it, but me leaving for vacation isn’t the best reason to sleep together. There are still so many things we need to know about each other before we can commit ourselves to that kind of a relationship. We need more time."

Holding her tighter in his embrace, Angel kissed the top of her head. "As usual, you’re right. We don’t know each other well enough yet. I guess I was thinking with the wrong part of my body. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m happy to wait as long you as you want."

"Don’t worry about it. Sex isn’t something you should rush into just because you want to…to seize the moment or the perfect opportunity." ‘Believe me, I’ll never rush into it again. Not after the last time.’

"How did you get to be so wise?"

Buffy grimaced. "Experience."

Angel didn’t reply. In the privacy of his own mind, he wondered what had happened to his girlfriend in the past that caused her to say such things. But he was willing to bet it had something to do with her ex-boyfriend. ‘If he hurt my Buffy, I’ll hunt him down and kill him with my bare hands.’

***

Part 22

"Angel, phone’s for you!" Cathy shouted from the kitchen.

From his spot on his bed, Angel jumped off the mattress, dropping the book he’d been reading. Running into the kitchen, he grabbed the telephone out of his sister’s hand. "Is it Buffy?" he asked, holding his hand over the mouthpiece.

She shook her head. "Nope. Not unless she started taking steroids and developed a Y chromosome. I think it’s one of your friends from New York."

"Hello?" Angel said into the receiver.

"Hey, Angel, man. How the hell have you been?" the person on the other end of the line greeted.

Angel recognized the voice immediately. It belonged to Rob Piazza, his best friend back home. "Rob! Oh my god, how are you?"

"I’m doing good. Although it’s not the same without my best friend, who’s now living three thousand miles away," Rob said. "What’s life like in the land of surf and sun?"

"It’s never boring, that’s for sure. How’s everyone doing back in good old Orchard Park? Surviving without me?"

"They do say life goes on," Rob joked. "Gotta tell you, man, it’s different without you. The baseball teams sucks without our shortstop. The new guy doing it this year can’t even throw to home plate without pulling a muscle. Let’s see, Mark broke his ankle rollerblading with Jessica, John got pulled over on his way to St. Catharines for doing eighty on the QEW. And, of course, all the ladies miss you."

He laughed. "Oh, I’m sure," he replied sarcastically. "Because I was such a social butterfly and had so many girlfriends. You guys must love it now that I’m gone."

"I can honestly say my status has improved. Instead of throwing themselves at you, they’re throwing themselves at me. Thank you for moving."

"Yeah, no problem. I did it all for you," Angel said softly.

Rob realized he put his foot in his mouth. "Look, I didn’t mean it like that. I’d never wish what happened to your parents on anyone, even my worst enemy."

"It’s okay. I know what you meant, Rob."

"Okay, let’s change the subject to something happier. Tell me about all the girls there in California. Are they as gorgeous as they are in the movies?"

Angel couldn’t help but laugh. "You need a girlfriend. When was the last time you went out on a date?"

"Last week. What about you?"

"Two weeks. But my girlfriend’s out of town visiting her father for another week," Angel informed him.

Sitting down on his bed, Rob raised his eyebrows. "Girlfriend? Well, you certainly wasted no time in hooking up with some beach bunny. Given your track record, she’s got brown hair and she’s a little crazy in the head. Am I close?"

"For your information, she’s a blonde and completely sane, thank you very much. I never dated anyone crazy."

"What about Caroline McKendrick? The girl went nuts when you broke up with her."

"Caroline and I were never going out. She knew what would happen when she agreed to it. Besides, we were both fifteen and curious, so we hooked up for that one night to find out what all the big fuss was about. We found out, it was fun; it’s not my fault she got attached."

"Nice way of classifying your first time. ‘It was a good time.’"

Angel scoffed. "As if you’re one to talk, Rob. You did it in the backseat of your dad’s car with some girl you met at Meghan Smythe’s birthday party last year."

"I take offense to that. Her name was Elizabeth and she was Meghan’s second cousin." Rob chuckled. "See, this is what I miss about you, Angel. You always did know how to knock me down. Now, tell me all about this new girlfriend of yours. What’s her name?"

"Buffy. Buffy Summers."

"Lemme guess. Bleach blonde hair, blue eyes, big chest and a body that just won’t quit. Tall, long legs and dumb as a post, too."

He only shook his head at Rob’s assumption about Buffy. "For your information, little man, you are completely wrong about her. She’s not tall, she has an athletic build, strong, very beautiful and is one of the smartest people I know. Oh yeah, Buffy’s a natural blonde, green eyes and has a petite figure."

"She’s got a body that just won’t quit," Rob said again.

"Is that all you can think about? Geez. You really do need a girlfriend."

"You always did have great taste in girls, Angel. Gotta admire you for that. Tell me about her. How long have you been going out with this Buffy?" he wanted to know.

"I went out with one of her friends the first day I started at Sunnydale High, but I was more attracted to Buffy than to Cordelia. So, I asked her out that night after my date, we went out ice skating the next day and she brushed me off for two weeks after that."

Rob was impressed. "A girl actually turned you down? I never thought I’d live to see the day."

"It’s nice to know you still have the same sense of humor. Dry. You know, I don’t always get the girl. Sometimes, she says no to me."

"Not very often, though."

Angel sighed. "Anything else you wanna know about my love life?"

"Yeah, one more thing. You getting any from her?"

"Excuse me?!"

"I’ve heard about those California girls. I’m just wondering if you and Buffy have done it yet. It’s a simple, honest question."

"One that I don’t even want to dignify with an answer."

"Angel, how long have we known each other?" Rob asked. "Since the first day of school back in kindergarten, and we’ve told each other everything since that day. A simple yes or no would suffice. I’m not asking for details."

He decided to humor his best friend. "Fine. The answer is no, we haven’t slept together. Are you happy now?"

"Why not?"

"Because we have only been going out for a few months. She doesn’t want to yet."

"Maybe you don’t do it for her," teased Rob.

Angel shook his head, even though his friend couldn’t see him. "No, that’s not it. I think something happened with an ex-boyfriend of hers before I moved here. That’s why Buffy wants to take things slow. And the last thing I want to do is push her."

"You’re whipped."

"No, I’m in love. There’s a difference."

***

An hour later, Cathy walked into her brother’s bedroom, seeing him sitting on his bed, typing on his laptop computer. "Whatcha doing?"

"Sending an email to a friend back home. Why? What’s up?"

"I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Rob earlier. And I just wanted to say that I think it’s great you and Buffy are going slow. It’s nice to see that there are guys out there that aren’t pushing for sex."

"You know me, Cathy. I’d never do that. Not with her."

She frowned. "I know. But I just wanted to say it anyway; Mom and Dad would be so proud of you. You’re a great guy, Angel, and Buffy’s a terrific girl. If she wants to go slow, let her set the pace. She’ll tell you when it’s time."

"I think something happened to her. Something that’s making her push me away when it comes to intimacy. Not that that’s all I’m thinking about. I love her and I hate to see her hurting, especially when she won’t tell me the cause," he said. "It’s like she doesn’t trust me enough."

"If she loves you back, she’ll tell. Just give her time."

"That’s what I’ve been doing. Maybe when she gets back from Los Angeles she’ll be ready to tell me everything. I know I’m ready to hear it."

Cathy wasn’t so sure. "You might not like it, Angel."

"Maybe not. But I’ll accept it. No matter what it is."

***

Part 23

"How’s your chicken sandwich?" Mr. Summers asked Buffy. It was her last day in Los Angeles before she was to return to Sunnydale, and her father was treating her to a shopping spree at the mall.

"It’s good. Thanks so much for treating me to lunch."

He smiled. "That’s what I’m here for, to spoil you like crazy. I hardly ever get to see you since you and your mother left the city."

"I know."

"You’ll be starting college in a year, Buffy. Have you given any thought to UCLA? You could move back into your old bedroom...it could be like old times again."

Buffy shrugged at her father’s suggestion. As appealing as it sounded, she knew she’d never be able to leave Sunnydale, not as long as she was still the Slayer. "It sounds great, Dad. But I think I’m going to stay in Sunnydale, go to school there with all my friends."

"You know, your mother told me you have a young man in your life. It’s your boyfriend; he’s the reason you don’t want to go to school here."

"I’m sorry. I know how disappointed you must be."

Mr. Summers shook his head. "Not at all, and don’t be sorry. Believe it or not, I was young once. Grandpa and Grandma wanted me to go to a university back East, but I fell in love with your mother my senior year of high school and I chose to stay in L.A.. So don’t be sorry for following you heart, not when I did the same thing."

"Do you regret your decision?"

"No, not for a minute. Your mother and I may have divorced, but I can’t regret it. We had a wonderful life together and had a beautiful daughter." He sipped his coffee. "Tell me about him."

Buffy sighed. "His name is Angel Connelly, and I know you’d love him. He’s good-looking, funny, smart and one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. We met a couple months ago when he moved to Sunnydale to live with his older sister after his parents died. In fact, he is going to be a doctor."

"He seems like a great guy."

"Oh, Angel is. He’s the best."

He took note of the look in his daughter’s eyes. "Looks like your old man figured it out. My little girl is in love."

"Yeah, I think I am. In fact, I know I am."

"Be careful, honey. I remember when I was young, and I know how teenage boys think. You’re a very beautiful girl, I’d hate to see you get hurt by some guy."

"Angel’s not some guy. I love him and he loves me, we’ve told each other. And you don’t have to worry about me being careful, Dad. I’m not about to go off and do something stupid."

"Good. You know I trust you, honey; it’s the other guys I don’t trust."

Buffy was touched by her father’s concern. "I’ll be fine. Angel and I are nowhere near ready to do anything that would require us to be careful."

***

"The Dingoes sound great, Willow," Angel commented as they sat at a table in the Bronze. Dingoes Ate My Baby were playing, and he and Willow had promised Oz they’d be there for the premiere of their new song.

She nodded in agreement. "They always sound great. It’s so cool to be dating the lead guitarist."

Angel laughed at her. "I can see you’re becoming a groupie. I knew a few of those back in New York."

"You were in a band? I didn’t know that."

"I wasn’t. A good friend of mine was, though. I’d go to one of their gigs and see tons of girls there, practically throwing themselves at all the guys in the band. Not that you act that way, but it was definitely a sight to behold."

"Oz said he’s living groupie-free these days," Willow said.

"He’s got you, that’s why. What would he do with all those groupies? Oz knows how lucky he is."

She giggled. "No wonder Buffy made that wish. She’s right, you are the perfect boyfriend."

Angel gazed at her strangely. "What are you talking about, Will? What wish?"

‘Oh no!’ she thought. ‘Now I’ve really messed up. Buffy’s gonna kill me!’ "It’s nothing. Buffy’s always wished for the perfect boyfriend," Willow lied. "Looks like she found him in you."

He didn’t believe the redhead, not for a second. "No, no, that’s not it. There’s something more, something you’re not telling me. What is it?"

"I don’t know anything, Angel. I swear."

"You’re lying. I know it has something to do with her ex. Don’t try and deny it. I know."

Willow visibly paled, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Angel. "Wh-what do you know about him? What did Buffy tell you?"

"She’s told me next to nothing, but I can put the pieces together if I try hard enough. All Buffy said was that she loved him and lost him. But I get the feeling there’s more to the story than that; more that she won’t tell me. What is it?"

"Buffy would kill me if I told you. She made me promise not to say anything, and I won’t betray her. Not even if I think you deserve to know the truth."

"What truth? Is it that bad? Did he do something to her?" he pried, hoping she’d give him something to go on.

She quickly shook her head. "It ended badly, that’s all I can tell you. If you want to know more, you should talk to her. But I’m warning you, Angel, she might not be ready to tell you. And even if she is, you might not understand everything."

"Why wouldn’t I?"

"Just talk to her about it."

***

Two hours later, Angel walked out of the building, heading in the direction of Buffy’s Watcher’s apartment. There were some things he needed to talk to Giles about while his girlfriend was still out of town.

At the end of the alleyway, he turned around, hearing someone call his name. "Larry. What can I do for you?" he asked.

Larry jogged over. "I wanted to ask you a question. About Buffy Summers. I heard you two were going out for a while, I figure you know her pretty well."

"I like to think so. What do you want to know?" he demanded, not about to let on to the boy that he and Buffy were still a couple. He wanted to find out what Larry wanted first.

"Do you think she’d go out with me when she gets back in town?" Larry asked.

Angel tried his hardest to keep from laughing. "No, Larry, I don’t think so."

"Why not? I heard some guy say she was fast. You dated her, you should know. You can give me some ideas; tell me what she likes."

Balling his hand into a tight fist, Angel slammed it against Larry’s jaw. The boy stumbled backward, putting his hand over the spot where Angel’s fist connected with his face. "You asshole! What the hell did you do that for?"

"Buffy is not like that at all. And when you say she’s fast, I certainly hope you mean like the wind. She’d never go out with you, not in a million years. Understood?"

"You didn’t have to punch me. God, you’re awfully sensitive considering she’s your ex."

"She isn’t my ex. Buffy and I are still dating and very happy together, thank you very much," Angel stated.

Larry smirked. "That’s not what Cordelia Chase said. She’s telling everyone you two hooked up the night Buffy left town. And I mean literally hooked up."

"Well, Cordelia’s a lying little bitch. And you can tell her I said so." Before he walked away, Angel added one more thing. "Better get in there and put some ice on that bruise before it swells. Wouldn’t want that to happen, would we?"

***

Part 24

With a nervous smile on his lips, Angel greeted Giles after the Watcher opened the door of his apartment for him. "Hi, Giles. I hope you don’t mind me stopping by so late."

"No, of course not." He held the door open, allowing Angel to enter. "Is there something I can do for you?"

Angel turned around to face Giles, who had closed the door behind him. "I’ve been doing some thinking while Buffy’s been away. And I have come to the conclusion that I just can’t sit back and be afraid to go out after dark. That isn’t me. Giles, I want you to show me how to fight; how to defend myself if I run into a vampire."

"This is something you should be asking Buffy, not me. She could show you the different ways and techniques better than I ever could."

He shook his head. "See, that’s the problem; she won’t. I’ve asked her dozens of times and she said to let her worry about it. Buffy won’t let me help her."

"She doesn’t need help. It’s her job, one that she is required to do alone. A normal, everyday person shouldn’t need to worry about how to kill a vampire. And Buffy would prefer to keep it that way," Giles said.

"Yeah, I have heard it all before. I’m supposed to stay in at night, don’t invite strangers into the apartment, always walk in groups if I *do* have to go out after dark; I get it, it’s dangerous. You’re right, an average person shouldn’t have to worry about having to kill a vampire. Then why does Buffy have to do it?" Angel demanded.

"She is the Slayer, it is her destiny."

"No, she’s just like me or Willow or even Xander. Buffy is an ordinary girl. Do you know how much she wants to have a normal life? One without demons and vampires taking over her every thought?"

"I know. But the Powers That Be have something more important designed for her," the Watcher informed him. "Something bigger than both you and me."

Angel sighed. "Something bigger, huh? What is it? Is it to go patrolling one night and be bested by a vampire having a good, lucky night?"

"She has to save the world."

"And she’s both been there and done that from what she has told me. Isn’t it time to pass the torch on to the next unlucky girl?"

"I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, Angel. As you should well-know."

Though he thought the phrasing of the Watcher’s last statement was rather odd, Angel paid it no mind. "One Slayer dies, the next one is called, I know all that. Why can’t the new Slayer take over for Buffy?"

"We need a Slayer to guard the Hellmouth."

"So, call the new girl here. Let Buffy have the normal life she wants."

Sadly, Giles shook his head. As much as he agreed with all of Angel’s points, there was no way to make them reality. "I cannot simply do that. Look, if you want, I’ll teach you to defend yourself. But there is nothing else I can do for you. It’s not like I can make a wish and turn Buffy into a normal girl like she did with–" Giles stopped himself before revealing any more.

"With who?" Angel wanted to know.

"Nothing. Forget I said anything. Come with me and I’ll show you some moves you will need to know."

***

The ride home from Los Angeles was long, and Buffy was tired. Sitting in the passenger’s seat of her father’s new car, she fell fast asleep as soon as they pulled onto the expressway.

//"You’re not real, Angel," Buffy stated, tears welling up in her emerald eyes. "I mean, you *are* real, but only because I wished for you to be."

"What are you telling me? Of course I’m real. I’d know if I wasn’t."

Buffy frowned, sniffling. "I don’t expect you to understand, at least not right away. What I have to tell you is going to sound strange, but you need to know the truth."

"What truth, Buffy?" Angel asked. "What do I need to know?"

"I love you."

He laughed. "That’s it? I already knew that. And you know I love you, too."

"That’s not what I wanted to tell you. B-back at the end of April, I made this wish, and when I woke up the next morning, it had come true. I wished that the man I love more than anything in the world was real; just an average guy, like Xander or Oz."

Angel didn’t understand. "I don’t get it. What does that have to do with me?"

"It *was* you, Angel. I wished for you, and here you are, in the flesh. Alive and normal."

"As opposed to what? Dead and strange? What the hell is going on?" he demanded to know.

"When I made the wish, I woke up here, in a different reality from the one I knew. Where I’m from, you aren’t you, you’re a vampire. A good vampire with a soul who I loved; but you turned evil one night and I wished that you were human so we could be together again. And here you are. My Angel. Human."

He stared expressionless. "You’re right, I don’t understand. Truthfully, I don’t think I even want to."

"Let me explain!" she cried. It was happening just the way she feared it would. He was pushing her away.

"I think I can figure it out on my own, Buffy. You wanted your boyfriend back, so you made a wish and here I am. Tell me, how many other people know about it? Does everybody laugh at me behind my back because they know the truth?" he accused.

"Nobody else knows except Willow and Giles," she answered, wildly shaking her head. "But I am the only one who remembers what life was like for us in that reality."

"Gee, that’s comforting." Angel exhaled, a sound that chilled Buffy to the bone. "So tell me, what *was* life like for us?"

"We were happy for a while, just like we are now."

"Except I was a vampire," Angel added.

Buffy nodded. "Yes. You and I were so in love, until…"

"Until what? I bit you? You tried to kill me? Come on, don’t hold out on me now, Buff. Not when you’re finally getting to the good part."

"Until you turned evil and tried to kill me and all my friends. I made the wish because I wanted you back; I wanted my Angel back, the one I fell in love with over a year ago," she told him.

"There’s something I’m dying to know. You told me before you left that you wouldn’t spend the night with me because you didn’t want to rush things like you had with your ex. Here’s my question: did you sleep with him?" he wanted to know.

"Angel–"

He interrupted her. "Yes or no? Did you or did you not sleep with a vampire?"

"Yes," she admitted. "But he was you. Don’t you see, you’re the only man I have ever been with and the only one I ever want to be with. I love you."

"And you lied to me! You’ve been keeping the truth from me for months! How am I supposed to forgive that? I don’t think I can."

"Please…"

Angel scowled at her. "Just stay away from me. I don’t want to see you ever again."\\

Buffy woke up with a start, finding that the car was no longer in motion. Turning to her father, she asked, "What happened? Why aren’t we moving?"

"Because you’re home. You’ve been out like a light for almost two hours. Did you have a nice nap?" he questioned.

She shrugged. "I can’t remember."

Mr. Summers looked toward the house, seeing two people headed for the car. One was his ex-wife and the other he didn’t recognize. "Looks like we’ve got company, honey. You go say hi to them and I’ll get your bags out of the trunk."

Smiling, she stepped out of the car. "Hi, Mom," she said to her mother.

"Hi. How was the drive in?" Mrs. Summers asked.

"I don’t know. You’ll have to ask Dad, I slept through most of it."

"Well, I’ll go help him with the bags. There’s someone here who has been dying to see you ever since you left," her mother informed her.

Stepping out from behind Mrs. Summers, Angel grinned at his girlfriend. "God, I’ve missed you so much. I was beginning to think you’d never come back," he said.

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree upon seeing him. "Angel!" Buffy exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. "I’m so glad you’re here."

"Of course I’m here."

"I missed you, too."

Angel pulled away, looking her in the eyes. Something wasn’t right, he could tell just by looking at her. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head. "Not anymore. Everything’s perfect."

***

Part 25

"How was L.A.?" Willow asked Buffy the following afternoon at the Expresso Pump. "Did you run into any of your old friends while you were there?"

"I had a good time; it was nice to get away from slaying for a couple weeks, even though I missed you guys terribly. And no, I didn’t run into any of my old friends. Geez, you sound like Angel. He was worried I’d seen an ex-boyfriend there," Buffy answered.

Her friend giggled. "That’s so cute, he’s jealous. As if he has anything to be worried about."

"He doesn’t. So, tell me, Will. What did I miss around here? Anything exciting?"

"Not really. It was pretty boring. No vampires, no big evil brewing…things were really quiet. Well, quiet considering it *is* Sunnydale."

"I’m back, so I know things are going to pick up. They always do. What about less supernatural stuff? Any good gossip going around that I should hear about?" Buffy wanted to know.

Willow thought back for a second. "Nope. There is one thing, but it’s totally not true, so there’s no point in even mentioning it."

Immediately, Buffy’s curiosity was piqued. "Oh, you have to tell me now. What is it?"

"It’s not true, Buffy. It’s a huge lie."

"What’s a huge lie?" She took a deep breath, knowing what was coming next. "It’s about me, isn’t it? Or about Angel?"

The redhead frowned. "Both. Cordelia’s been telling anyone and everyone that she and Angel started…well, going out as soon as you left. Don’t believe it, not for a second. I spent a lot of time with him when you were away and you were all he could think about. Angel loves you."

Buffy nodded. "I know he does. Why would Cordy do something like that? I thought she and I were friends, or at least acting civil to one another. Why is she spreading lies about me? What did I do to her?"

"I think it’s because every guy she’s wanted to go out with since you moved here has wanted you more than her. Owen, Cameron, Angel…and she’s upset and trying to get back at you for it."

"And people actually believe it? That Angel’s cheating on me with her?"

"I doubt it. Whenever she was at the Bronze the same time he was, Angel always kept his distance from her. I wouldn’t worry about it, Buffy."

"I’m not."

Willow stood up. "But I’d be worried about something else if I were you."

She raised her eyebrows out of curiosity. "What, exactly?"

"Angel’s been asking a lot of questions lately. About your ex."

"Oh." Buffy looked down and avoided her best friend’s stare.

"What have you told him?"

"Not much. All he knows is that I went out with someone and we broke up. And that I loved him. What is he asking about?" Buffy asked.

"He wants details, more than you’ve given him. I think you should tell him what really happened. He needs to hear it," suggested Willow.

"What do you want me to say? ‘Oh, by the way, Angel, I forgot to mention before that you’re really a two-hundred forty year old vampire.’? He’ll hate me if I tell him. Believe me, I’ve had nightmares about it, and every single time I tell him, he breaks up with me. No, I can’t do it now."

"Then when will you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "When the time is right. When I’m sure I won’t lose him because of it."

***

Two weeks after she returned home, the annual Sunnydale Fair opened. Games, rides and entertainment for all ages, and the majority of the town showed up opening night. Buffy had never attended it, having spent the entire summer with her father the year before. So she and Angel made a date to go together the first night it opened.

"Your mom’s really letting you go?" Angel asked, shocked.

"Yep. She made me promise not to do anything stupid, but other than that, she’s cool with it. Just think, you and me alone in the wild outdoors," Buffy said.

He smiled. "It has definite possibilities."

"Only we won’t be totally alone. Willow and Oz, and Xander and Amy will be there, too. It’s not exactly quality alone time," she pointed out.

"They’ll be in separate tents. We will be alone at night."

The group made plans to spend Labor Day weekend camping in the woods twenty-five miles away. They all decided to spend a few days away from the Hellmouth before school started again.

"Do you promise to behave yourself?" she teased.

"It’ll be a struggle, but I think I can manage to keep my hands off of you for seventy-two hours," he told her.

Looking ahead of them in line for the fun house, Buffy caught sight of Cordelia and Harmony. Deciding it was time for a little payback, she turned to her boyfriend. "Can you save my place in line for a minute? I want to say hi to Cordelia."

"Sure." He knew Buffy had something more in mind than simply saying hello to the brunette, but wasn’t about to call her on it. Secretly, he wanted to see what his girlfriend was planning.

Buffy nonchalantly walked over to where the two girls were standing. "Hi, Cordy. Harmony," she greeted innocently. "Fancy seeing you here."

"What do you want?" Cordelia demanded.

"Just wanted to say hi; let you know I’m back in town. So, you can stop spreading all those insane lies about my boyfriend."

Cordelia eyeballed her. "I have no idea what you’re talking about, Buffy."

"Give it up, Cordy, I know the truth. What did you think was going to happen? You’d spread some rumor about you and Angel hooking up and I’d dump him, hence pushing him into your open arms? Get over yourself."

"I think you’re the one who needs to get over herself. Eventually, Angel’s gonna see you for the freak you are and he’s going to realize what a big mistake he made," remarked Cordelia.

Grabbing her wrist as a warning, Buffy squeezed as hard as she could without breaking any of the girl’s bones. "He loves me, not you. Looks like you’ll have to live with that."

"You’re hurting me!"

"Good. Now, stay away from my boyfriend or I’ll *really* hurt you."

When she reached Angel’s side once again, she wore a satisfied grin on her face. "What did you say to her?" he wanted to know.

"Let’s just say she won’t be bothering you for a long time. That is, if she knows what’s good for her."

He shook his head in amazement. "I can’t believe you threatened her."

"I didn’t threaten, I warned. There’s a difference."

***

"What way do we go?" Angel asked her twenty minutes later as they strolled through the fun house. "Left or right?"

"To the left, there’s the mirrors; to the right, strobing lights. I say we go with the mirrors," she answered.

"You got it."

With Buffy leading the way, the couple entered the hallway to the left, finding themselves in a room with hundreds of mirrors on the four walls. The two of them couldn’t help but laugh at their reflections.

"Look at me," Buffy said, gazing at her reflection in a mirror to the right of the entrance. Her waist expanded, giving her a glimpse of what she’d look like if she gained forty pounds.

"You look great," Angel commented, coming up behind her. "You could use a couple extra pounds."

"No way! It’s yogurt and water from now on."

He put his hands around her waist, linking them together, bringing his lips to the sensitive spot under her ear. Buffy moaned softly, lifting her right arm to run it through his thick, spikey hair. His lips moved to her neck,, and then her shoulder. When his hands began to travel to the hem of her tank top, Buffy pulled away.

"We shouldn’t be doing this here," she advised. "Someone could see us."

"So?" he asked with a shrug of his broad shoulders. "Who cares?"

"I care."

Angel smiled softly. "Buffy, I know this is going to sound really strange, but I’ve never…well, kissed anyone in front of a mirror, much less in front of four walls of mirrors. It just seems like something fun, something kinda kinky we could do together without taking it too far. But if you don’t want to, we won’t."

She sighed. "No, that’s okay. Thing is, I’m afraid someone’s going to walk in on us in a compromising position."

"You mean like this?" Without warning, Angel lifted her into his arms, pinning her body between him and the mirror, leaving Buffy no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist. While his lips kept hers quiet with passion-filled kisses, his hands raised her shirt to touch her warm skin.

"Angel," she whispered between kisses.

"What is it? Is someone coming?" he asked, raining kisses along her jawline.

Her fingers danced across the skin at the nape of his neck, her flesh covered in goosebumps from the light caresses of his hands under her shirt. "No. We need to talk about something." After months, she finally felt ready to tell him everything.

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

Angel looked her in the eye. "Whatever it is, it can wait until later. I wanna finish this first before someone catches us."

All train of thought left Buffy’s mind with the touch of his lips on hers. Telling him the truth would have to wait until they were less distracted by each other.

***

Part 26

"Can I talk to you, sweetie?" Mrs. Summers asked as she stepped inside her daughter’s bedroom. Buffy was finishing packing for her weekend camping trip with her friends.

Glancing up from her knapsack, Buffy nodded. "Yeah, sure. I’m almost done anyway. What is it?"

"What time is Oz picking you up?"

"In about fifteen minutes," she replied, quickly checking the time.

Her mother sat down on the bed. "I want you to know that I have total faith in you and I trust your judgement. But I also want to remind you to be careful this weekend."

"Mom, don’t worry. I’m not going to get hurt, it’s a harmless camping trip with my friends."

"And your boyfriend, may I remind you. Just promise that you’ll use good judgement and not do anything you might regret later."

Buffy nearly started laughing at what her mother was insinuating. "You’re serious, aren’t you? I’m not going on this trip so we can…well, you know. Give me a little bit more credit than that. Mom, I promised you nothing would happen and nothing will. Sure, I love him, but the whole concept of ‘us’ is so new that we’re still getting used to it. Neither one of us are ready to rush into sex. At least I’m not." ‘Not after the last time. I refuse to get hurt again,’ she thought. ‘Slow and steady wins the race, or so they say. And I plan on winning this time around.’

"You may not, but Angel might be."

"I’ve already had this discussion with him. Angel knows exactly what to expect this weekend, which is absolutely nothing. And he knows I’m not planning on sleeping with him anytime soon. You can put your mind at ease, Mom."

Mrs. Summers nodded. "Okay, I believe you. Have fun this weekend, but don’t have *too* much fun."

"Me? Have fun? Never!" scoffed Buffy with a smile.

***

The three couples examined their surroundings after they jumped out of Oz’s van an hour and a half later. The campground was a five minute walk from a creek with woods to the right and left of it.

"Well, this is it, huh?" Xander commented. "Home, sweet home for the next two and a half days."

"It’s very woods-y," Willow said.

"That’s because it’s in the woods, Will," he retorted sarcastically.

"You’re very observant, Xander," Amy told him.

"I try."

Oz and Angel began unloading the stuff from the back of the van. "There’s a lot of room to spread out," Angel observed. "We don’t have to be crowding one another."

Oz grinned slyly. "You and Buffy want some privacy, I take it."

Angel shrugged. "It’s not like anything’s going to happen where we’d actually *need* privacy…" He knew how much he loved her, and wanted to be with her. The weekend-long trip seemed like the perfect opportunity to express their deep feelings and make love, but Angel was aware that Buffy didn’t want to. Not yet, anyway. And he was willing to wait until she was.

"But in case it does, it’s nice to have it," Oz finished.

"Better safe than sorry."

"Are you prepared in case it does? Just out of curiosity."

He nodded his head, stealing a glance at his girlfriend out of the corner of his eye. She and Willow were standing in the middle of the clearing, deciding where to set up their respective tents. "If it does, I’m prepared. Like I said before, better safe than sorry. But Buffy already informed me that nothing’s going to happen, and I respect that. Why? Do you and Willow…?"

Oz wildly shook his head. "No, not with Wills. She made it abundantly clear as well."

Angel laughed. "Looks like the only one who has a decent chance of getting any action this weekend is Xander." When he caught sight of the boy chasing Amy around the campground with a worm in his hand, he changed his mind. "Maybe not."

***

The three girls spread their towels on the tiny strip of sand near the pond, while the boys donned their swimming trunks and jumped in the cool water. Buffy and Willow laid their backs to the ground, hoping to catch some sun, but Amy remained seated, her gaze fixated on the three men in the water.

"Good god, Buffy," Amy said. "He is *so* good-looking."

"Who?" the Slayer asked.

"Your boyfriend, that’s who. Does he work out?"

"A little. He’s not a big exercise buff or anything, but he does work out occasionally. Why do you ask?"

Amy sighed. "He’s just…I don’t know. Perfect. I mean, look at his abs."

Willow laughed. "You think he’s a hottie?"

"Oh yeah. Not that Xander’s scrawny or ugly or anything, but Angel’s got the whole package. Body, brains, looks, personality…you really hit the jackpot with him, Buffy. How did you get so lucky? He totally turned me down when I asked him to Prom."

"Luck, love and a little wishing," Buffy answered truthfully.

"Have you two…you know…?" Amy asked, letting the question trail off.

"No, Amy, we haven’t. And we probably won’t for awhile. There’s still so much we don’t know about each other; too many secrets out there. Not to mention what a big step it is, considering we’ve only been going out for less than three months," Buffy explained. "I don’t feel ready yet."

"What about you, Willow?" Amy wanted to know, turning her attention to the redhead.

"Heavens no! I’m in the same boat as Buffy. I don’t feel ready either. I know Oz wouldn’t push me, just like Buffy knows Angel wouldn’t push her."

Amy leaned back. "Well, I’m more than ready. Whenever Xander wants to, all he has to do is ask."

***

Xander looked toward the shore, his stare apparent to both Oz and Angel. "What are you looking at?" Oz demanded.

"Our girlfriends. Are they not beautiful or what?"

"That they are."

"And check out Buffy’s bikini. She looks way hot."

Angel cleared his throat. "Excuse me, Xander, but are you gawking at my girlfriend? ‘Cause if you are, I don’t appreciate it. She’s a person, not an object."

"Sorry, Angel," he apologized. "I was just stating a fact. Buffy looks good. She always does. I didn’t think it was a crime to state my opinion. You should take it as a compliment."

"Do you still have a thing for her?" Angel wanted to know.

"What are you talking about?"

"Willow told me about your crush, which explains why you’ve been such an asshole to me ever since I moved here and expressed an interest in Buffy. So, tell me, Xander, is it jealousy because Buffy loves me and not you? I’m dying to find out."

He laughed. "Talk about an ego problem. I’ve got my own girlfriend."

"Good. Then stop staring at mine," Angel warned.

***

Part 27

Angel zippered the flap closed behind him after he and Buffy got settled in the tent at eleven o’clock. Turning to face his girlfriend, he smiled nervously. "Are you sure you’re okay with this? ‘Cause I can sleep in Oz’s van if you don’t feel comfortable."

"It’s fine. I’m perfectly comfortable with the sleeping arrangements. But could you do me one tiny favor?" Buffy asked.

"What’s that?"

"Turn your back while I change?"

He did as she requested, facing in the opposite direction while she changed from a t-shirt and shorts into her pajamas. The temptation to turn around and steal a quick glance as she undressed was great, but Angel resisted the urge. He’d never betray her trust like that.

"Done," she announced a minute later. "It’s safe now."

Surveying her outfit – a tank top and a pair of drawstring shorts – Angel shook his head. "You’re going to freeze to death in that. The temperature is supposed to go down to forty-five tonight."

Grinning mischievously, she sat down on her sleeping bag. "So…then you can keep me warm. Unless you have a problem with that."

Angel sat down next to her on top of his sleeping bag. "No complaints here. I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with a couple ways of keeping you warm throughout the night."

"Any hints?" she teased.

"How about a demonstration?"

Angel slowly moved his face to hers, capturing her soft lips in a searing kiss. Buffy wasted no time in responding to it, holding him to her by throwing her arms around his neck. Their tongues dueled in each other’s mouths, engaged in an erotic mating dance.

He dipped his head to the hollow of her throat, leaving open-mouth kisses there, then moving to her shoulder, his fingers pushing the thin strap of her tank top down her arm. Buffy’s head was thrown back, her body practically on fire from the feel of Angel’s mouth of her flesh. His motions brought her back to the night of her seventeenth birthday, when her Angel had done the same things before they made love. Her moans brought a smile to his lips, giving him the idea that maybe they were both ready to take their relationship to a whole new level.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked. Angel didn’t want to go any further without her consent first.

Buffy shook her head. "Not yet." She took hold of the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. "I’m definitely not ready to stop." Running her hands along the contours of his muscled chest, she brought her mouth to his again.

Angel let his hands wander down her arms, around her waist, then finally under her shirt. He waited for a sign from her that would tell him to stop – like she always did – but received no such response. Assuming Buffy had no qualms, he let his fingers dance along the smooth ridges and valleys of her back, while hers did the same to him.

"I love you, Buffy," he stated, breaking the kiss and gazing into her hazy green eyes. "More than I’ve ever loved anybody else. I just wanted you to know that."

Her heart filled with joy. "I love you, too."

Keeping one hand around her waist, Angel lowered her back to the sleeping bag, with him on top, but careful to keep his weight off of her. Their lips met once again, and Angel could feel his desire for her growing, making its way through his body. If Buffy noticed, she never said anything to him; she kept herself busy by kissing him and running her hands up and down his back.

Using his left hand to support his weight, his right one traveled back under her tank top, caressing the left side of her body. Deciding to take the risk, Angel let his hand slide along her stomach, up toward her breasts. His fingers rubbed against her hardened nipple, eliciting a moan from the girl beneath him. He covered her entire breast with his hand, gently squeezing it, hearing her moan once again into his mouth.

Being very careful not to crush her, Angel’s left hand found the drawstrings of her shorts and untied them, slipping his hand inside. As he began to pull the shorts down, Buffy broke their embrace.

"Angel, stop," she said, sliding out from underneath him.

"What’s wrong?" he wanted to know, bringing himself into a sitting position.

"This…it’s too fast for me. I’m not ready yet; *we’re* not ready yet. At least not as a couple. I’m sorry."

Angel nodded. "When you didn’t stop me, I thought…Buffy, I have everything we’ll need. If that’s what you’re worried about."

"No, that’s not it." She paused for a moment. "You brought protection?"

"Yeah, just in case. I figured that in case something *did* happen, I should be prepared. Even though you said it wouldn’t. Look, Buffy, I’m sorry if I pushed too hard or too fast; it’s just that I love you so much, I wanted to be able to show you."

"Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have teased you like that. Especially when I knew where it might lead. I’m not ready for that. I wanna wait a little longer."

Once again, he nodded, this time in understanding. ‘Maybe I was wrong when I thought Buffy had done this before.’ "It’s okay. You don’t want your first time to be in a tent; it should be more special than that. And I totally agree. Buffy, I promise you, it will be."

Closing her eyes, Buffy hung her head, unable to make eye contact. "It wouldn’t be my first time. I’m not exactly the pure virgin you might think I am." ‘Am I?’ she thought. ‘I mean, could I be? If Vampire Angel never existed here, then technically, I’ve never had sex. Is it possible that I’m a virgin again?’

He lifted her chin so that she had to look at him. "Buffy, that doesn’t matter to me. Hell, I’ve done it, too."

"You have?"

"Yeah. Just a few times, but I never loved them, not like I love you," Angel told her.

"There was more than one girl?"

"Two. Caroline Mitchell when I was fifteen. We were young and curious, so we went in her bedroom one night when her parents weren’t home and did it then."

She raised her eyebrows. "You used her?"

Angel shook his head in response to her question. "We used each other. Right after I turned sixteen, I started going out with Pamela Aldrich. We dated for about six months and slept together a few times, but that was about it. Do you want to tell me about when you…" He stopped himself. "You don’t have to if you don’t want to."

Buffy took a deep breath. "It was my seventeenth birthday. He didn’t want to, but I did; I pushed him into sleeping with me. When I woke up in the morning, the man I loved was gone. That’s pretty much how I lost my ex. In a nutshell."

"That was only a couple months ago," Angel said, realizing how short an amount of time had passed.

"Back in January."

"Is that the reason you want to wait for us to make love; because you’re afraid I’ll leave you the way he did? I swear to you, Buffy, I won’t. I will be there in the morning when you wake up; I’ll treasure the gift of making love with you."

Buffy disagreed by shaking her head. "No, Angel. What happened before has nothing to do with why I don’t want to sleep with you. There are things you need to know."

"Tell me. I’m ready to hear whatever it is."

"Not here. I’ll tell you when we get back home."

***

"I’m telling him, Will," Buffy announced to her best friend while the six teenagers were hiking through the woods the next afternoon. "As soon as we get back to Sunnydale."

"What brought this on?" Willow wanted to know.

She waited until they were far enough away from everyone else so that no one would overhear them. "Last night, Angel and I almost made love. He had everything ready if I wanted to, and I stopped him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it when I’m still keeping secrets from him. I love Angel too much to hurt him by sleeping with him before telling him something as important as the fact that he’s really a vampire."

"But he’s not a vampire, Buffy. He doesn’t have any idea."

"He should know, just like you’ve said before. And he knows I’m keeping something big from him, and it’s only a matter of time before he finds out. I want him to hear it from me, not from you or Giles or God knows who else."

"Good luck. Even though I don’t think you need it," said Willow.

She frowned. "I don’t know about that. I think I might need all the luck I can get."

"Angel worships the ground you walk on. He will understand that you did it because you love him."

"I hope so. I honestly do."

***

Part 28

"Is your mom home?" Angel asked on Monday. They had returned from their camping trip forty-five minutes earlier, Oz dropping them off at Angel’s apartment. They unpacked his things before heading over to Buffy’s.

She shook her head. "No. She’s setting up all the stuff at the gallery for next week’s art show. Mom is going to be living there until that show is over."

Unlocking her front door, she and Angel stepped inside, he insisting on carrying her duffel bag up the stairs to her bedroom. As she started throwing her belongings on the bed in piles of clean and dirty clothes, Angel took the opportunity to look around her room, admiring her choice of decorations.

"I like what you’ve done with your room," he complimented. "But it’s missing something."

"What?"

"A picture of us. We’ve been together three months now, you know."

Buffy smiled. "Is there one in your room, Mister?"

"Not exactly. But we haven’t had one taken together. We should. How about at Homecoming next month? We can have it taken then," he suggested.

"Is that an invitation?"

"Depends. Is that a yes?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Then I guess it’s an invitation. We can go all-out for Homecoming; dressing to the nines, renting a limo, etc.. I think, for the first time in a long time, I’m actually looking forward to going to a school dance. You can spend the night at the apartment, too, if you’d like to."

She gazed at him. "Angel…"

"I know, I know," he interrupted her. "And I wasn’t trying to imply anything. I can sleep on the floor, or we can both sleep on the floor in the living room. Like a campout, only indoors. We both had fun this weekend, or at least I did."

"I did, too," Buffy agreed. ‘I have to. It’s now or never, Buffy,’ she told herself. ‘Do it while you still have the nerve.’ "Angel, remember that thing I wanted to tell you this weekend, but I couldn’t do it then? Well, I’m ready to tell you about it."

He nodded his head, noting the serious expression on her face. This was not the time to make jokes, he reminded himself. "Okay. Shoot."

"I think maybe you’d better sit down for this." After he sat down at the edge of her bed, she followed in suit. "What I want you to know first and foremost is that I love you. *You*, not someone else."

"Why would I think that?" he wanted to know.

"Because you may not understand, or even like what I’m about to tell you. And it’s been eating away at me for months, but I haven’t been able to find the right way of telling you. Or the right time," she started. "Angel, my ex-boyfriend wasn’t just some guy we all went to school with. He was a vampire."

"A vampire," Angel repeated. "You dated a vampire?"

"Before you jump to any outrageous conclusions, he wasn’t like the rest of them. He didn’t hurt people, he was a wonderful man with a kind and loving heart. And a soul; a beautiful soul plagued with guilt over crimes he himself never committed. We met the first night I moved to Sunnydale and in time, we fell deeply in love."

Angel looked at her. "He was a vampire with a soul, a good vampire. Giles told me about him."

She visibly paled. "What did he tell you?"

"Just that. He told me about a souled vampire who fell in love with a Slayer. But I had no idea you were that Slayer. What happened?"

"We were together for nearly a year. It was difficult at first after I found out who and what he was. He didn’t tell me right away, I found out after he kissed me the first time and he vamped out. I mean, I was basically programmed to kill him, not love him. The gang wasn’t exactly thrilled when we started going out; Willow tried her best to be supportive, Giles didn’t trust him, Cordelia did everything in her power to nab him for herself, and Xander pretty much treated him like the scum of the earth."

Angel smiled. "That sounds very characteristic of Cordelia and Xander."

She continued. "He did his best to win them over, and by the time my birthday rolled around this year, he was a member of the gang. And I knew how much I loved him and wanted to be with him in every possible way. We were partners – in love, in darkness, in fighting, etc.. There was only one logical step for us to take next, and the night of my birthday, I decided it was the perfect opportunity for us to be lovers."

"You slept with him that night," Angel finished. He remembered her telling him over the weekend that she lost her virginity the night of her seventeenth birthday.

"Yes. As soon as I heard him say ‘I love you,’ I knew there was no going back. We were in his apartment and…and we made love. Only problem was, there was a loophole in his curse. See, he’d been cursed by Gypsies for killing one of their own; that was how he got his soul. But when they cursed him, there was a clause I don’t think he knew about. If he were ever to experience any moment of pure happiness, he’d lose his soul.

"When I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, he was gone. At first I didn’t think anything of it; I thought he went out to make sure everything was safe after the battle we’d been in earlier that evening, so I went back to sleep, figuring he’d be back by the time I woke up for school. But he wasn’t, and I was worried something might have happened to him.

"It wasn’t until later that day that I saw him. But he was different, brushing me off, making my concerns seem stupid and trivial. Then he said…well, he basically implied that what we did was fun, that *I* didn’t know what I was doing. What I didn’t find out until later was that he’d lost his soul and reverted back to his evil, demon self, and used our night together as ammunition to torment me with my inexperience. See, when he and I made love on my birthday, it caused him to lose his soul; I gave him that one moment of happiness. I made the man I love turn evil."

He reached out to hold her hands; support her as best he knew how. "I’m so sorry, Buffy. I wish I knew what else to say."

"You don’t have to say anything, Angel; I’m nowhere near finished yet. So, to repay me for making him feel like an actual human being again, he tried to make me insane. Stalked me and my friends, killed people I cared about. One night, the demon went so far as to tell my mother that we slept together. Needless to say, she took it better than I thought she would."

"Lucky you," Angel commented, but immediately regretted his choice of words when he saw the look on Buffy’s face. "Not like that, but the way your mother reacted to finding out. My mother grounded me for a month when Caroline’s mom called up and told her that I ‘deflowered’ her daughter."

Buffy smiled slightly. "Granted, I got the mother of all lectures, but other than that, Mom was okay with it. He and I had a couple more run-ins, and every one of them seemed to weaken me a little bit more. Finally, at the end of April, we had our last meeting on the night of the Sadie Hawkin’s Dance. It hurt me so much that when I went home that night, I made a wish. When I woke up the next morning, I found out it had come true."

"What did you wish for?" Angel asked.

"I wished for it to have never happened. In my wish, I asked for him to be human; a regular, normal guy. Giles came to the conclusion that a demon named Anyanka made it come true; she heard my cry from afar."

The idea of having a wish like that become reality seemed impossible to him. "But how do you know it really came true?"

She took a deep breath. "Because you’re here right now, Angel."

"Huh? What do I have to do with it?"

"The next day, you showed up at school. You’re him."

"You lost me. How can I be him when I’m me?"

"I wished myself into an alternate reality where the things I wished for came true. I’m the only one who remembers what things were like back there, nobody else knows. My vampire boyfriend wasn’t just any random guy, he was you. Same face, same body, same soul; you are the same man I fell in love with in that reality, only now with a beating heart and the ability to walk in direct sunlight. You’re the human him." When he didn’t reply, Buffy became scared. "Angel, say something to me."

"What do you want me to say? That I understand? I wish I could say I do, but unfortunately, I don’t," he answered honestly.

She looked down. "You hate me, don’t you? I wanted to tell you before we did things where we’d be unable to turn back. I know I should have told you sooner, but I couldn’t."

"I don’t hate you, Buffy. I don’t think I ever could. But I don’t know if I can trust you after hearing this. You apparently have been keeping things from me, things I needed to know."

"I only made that wish so I could be with you, because I love you."

He stood up. "How can I possibly believe that? How do I know that when you say you love me, you’re not really saying it to him? About him? Do you really love me? Or is it just that you feel obligated to say it? Regardless of what you might think or wish, I’m not your vampire boyfriend. I’m me."

She shook her head. "So, this is it? Are we breaking up?"

"Can you give me some time to digest all of this? It’s a lot for one person to swallow all at once."

"Take as long as you need. Angel, I do love you. Not just because you’re him, but for you."

"I love you, too. I’ll call you when I sort things out, Buffy. Goodbye."

Five minutes after Angel walked out of her bedroom, she broke down and cried. "I lost him," Buffy sobbed into her pillow. "I’ve really lost him. Angel is never going to forgive me for what I’ve done."

***

Part 29

Angel spent the rest of the day, and the majority of the next one, at home, refusing to answer the telephone every time it rang. Each and every time it did, he feared it would Buffy, calling to tell him something even worse. And he wasn’t sure if he could handle another bombshell like the one she’d dropped on him the day before.

In the blink of an eye, his life had been turned upside down. He no longer knew who or what he was; his life wasn’t his to control anymore. ‘Was it ever?’ he wondered. ‘Am I Angel Connelly? Or am I just a human version of a vicious vampire brought to life by the wish of the girl I love?’

Angel couldn’t deny that he still loved Buffy, a part of him felt like he always would, no matter what the circumstances. From the moment he’d laid eyes on her in the cafeteria his first day at Sunnydale High, he felt a tug at his heart, like they had an unbreakable, undeniable connection. It had been love at first sight for him, but what about her? Was it him that she loved or just his resemblance to the souled vampire she so deeply loved in her previous ‘life’?

‘How can I be so sure Buffy means it when she says she loves me? Is she saying it to me, or to him? Does she think it’s him when she touches me or kisses me? Is that the real reason she won’t make love to me, because deep inside, Buffy knows I’m not really the man she fell in love with?’

He felt as if he were split in two. One part of him didn’t care that Buffy wished him into existence; that part took it to mean she really *did* love him and want to be with him. She made the wish to be with the man she loved – him. But then the other part of him kept saying it would be better to just get away from her before he got pulled in too deep. As soon as she realized he wasn’t an exact replica of her vampire lover, she’d dump him, Angel feared. He wasn’t sure if he could handle losing someone else he loved.

"Are you okay?" a voice asked him, forcing him out of his reverie.

Looking up, he saw his sister standing in the doorway to his bedroom with a concerned look on her face. "I didn’t see you there, Cathy. I’m sorry, what did you say?"

"You haven’t answered the telephone all day, I came home to see if you were alright. Today’s the last day of summer vacation and I thought you might want to go out for lunch with me," offered Cathy.

Angel shook his head at the invitation. "No, thanks. I’m not very hungry."

"What’s wrong?" she asked, stepping into the room and taking a seat next to him. "And don’t tell me nothing, because *something* is written all over your face."

"I don’t want to talk about it right now."

"Did you and Buffy have a fight? Angel, you two love each other, you’ll be able to work through it."

"I don’t know. This time, I really don’t."

She sighed. "You didn’t do something stupid this weekend, did you, Angel? Like push her into doing things she wasn’t ready for?"

"No! I respect Buffy too much to do that," he said. "Remember when I told you she had dated this guy for awhile and she wouldn’t tell me anything about it or him?"

Cathy nodded. "Yeah, you were afraid he’d done something to hurt her."

"Well, she told me all about him."

She was able to fill in the missing pieces with just the tone of his voice. "I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and say you didn’t like what you heard. Look, I told you that you might not like it."

"That’s an understatement if I ever heard one. Buffy and I were really opening up to each other. Our first night there, we almost…well, we almost slept together. When she told me to stop, I thought she was afraid, or that she wanted her first time to be in a more special location than a tent with sleeping bags. Boy was I wrong."

Cathy placed her hand on her brother’s shoulder. "Lemme guess, it wouldn’t have been her first time, would it?"

"No. I told her I didn’t care about that, and I told her about Caroline and Pamela, thinking it might make her feel better about it."

"Did it?"

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "I think it did. I feel like she finally felt she could trust me. So she told me about him, her ex-boyfriend. And to make a long and complicated story short and simple, here it is in a nutshell. Buffy loved him, they were together for nearly a year, and he left her the morning after she slept with him." He couldn’t tell Cathy about the rest of it. Not only wouldn’t she understand, but he himself didn’t fully understand it all. And despite his confusion in regards to Buffy, Angel would never break his promise to her.

"How awful for her," she said. "Is that why you two got into your little fight? Are you afraid she still cares for him?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I don’t know if she really loves me or if she still harbors feelings for him. For all I know, she might be seeing him when she looks at me."

"Did you ask her?"

"Yes, I did. And Buffy swore up and down that she loves me and not her ex. But I don’t know if I can believe her," Angel answered.

She frowned. "It’s pretty obvious this guy hurt her a great deal. Maybe you need to be a bit more understanding. I mean, don’t you still have residual feelings for Pamela?"

"Some, but I never loved her the way Buffy loved her ex. And I also don’t think about her every minute of the day like Buffy does. Cathy, I’m so in love with her, I can’t see straight. It’s just that I don’t know if I can trust her. She’s kept things from me I should have been told a long time ago. Part of me thinks of it as a betrayal."

"How much do you love her?"

He closed his eyes. "I could see myself spending forever with her. I don’t know if she feels the same way, and that scares me."

"Maybe you should ask her," his sister suggested.

"I told her I needed some time to think."

"Angel, are you upset because she slept with that guy? Did you expect her to save herself for you?"

"That’s completely outrageous! I don’t care that she slept with him. She lied to me! And it hurt to find out the truth."

Cathy gazed at him with unsympathetic eyes. "Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Try to look at things from her perspective and then tell me you wouldn’t do the same things."

He did. It didn’t take him long to realize that his sister was right. If he had been in Buffy’s position, he would have waited until he was sure she could handle hearing the truth. "She did it to protect me. I would’ve done the exact same thing if it would have kept her from hurting."

"Now do you understand?"

Angel nodded. "I think I finally do. God, I was so awful to Buffy; she probably thinks I’ll never want to see her again. I have to make it up to her somehow."

"You may have to prove to Buffy that you’re not him."

"How?"

"Just be there for her. If you two do happen to…sleep together, do what he should have done. Be there next to her when she wakes up," Cathy informed him. "Not that I’m telling you to go off and have sex with her tomorrow. I’m not. Just be kind and considerate…Angel, just be yourself. Be the guy she fell in love with."

Angel smiled at her. "That’s one thing Buffy never had to worry about. I’ll always be there."

***

Part 30

The first day of school arrived, leaving Buffy sufficiently depressed. What had started out as her best summer vacation ever ended up being the most heart-breaking. She’d heard the old adage "The truth will set you free", but never believed her telling Angel the truth would eventually set her free. Literally. In forty-eight hours, she hadn’t heard hide nor hair from him, and that scared her more than any demon or vampire.

"Hey, Buffy," she heard someone say behind her.

It was Willow. Buffy put a fake smile on her face while she stopped and waited for her best friend to catch up. "Hiya, Will."

"You never called me yesterday. I thought we were going to see a movie or something," Willow said.

"Sorry. I guess I didn’t feel much like leaving the house. We’ll have to do it some other time. Maybe this weekend."

"Sure," she agreed.

"Did you do anything fun yesterday?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, I did. Remember how I told you Miss Calendar gave me a book of Wiccan spells back at the end of last school year?" Buffy nodded. "Well, I was flipping through it last night and came across a really cool spell."

As they approached Willow’s locker, Buffy mumbled, "It doesn’t happen to turn back time forty-eight hours, does it?"

Her friend heard her mutterings. "No, it was a glamour spell. Why did you say that, Buffy?"

She shook her head. "No reason. Forget I said anything."

"No, tell me. Did you and Angel have a fight or something the other day?" Willow wanted to know.

"Not exactly. The day we got back from the camping trip, I decided it was time to tell him everything. And I mean *everything.* I thought he was ready to hear it; deserved to hear it, and would innately know the reason why I made the wish. Needless to say, Angel didn’t take it very well. He pretty much walked out of my house after dumping me."

Willow’s eyes widened. "He broke up with you? I can’t believe he’d do that!"

"He didn’t say he was breaking up with me, he said he needed time to think things through. Which translates into ‘I have to think about whether or not I want to even be with you anymore’," Buffy stated.

"Have you spoken to Angel since then?"

Once again, Buffy shook her head. "Nope. He hasn’t called or stopped by or anything. I think it’s fairly safe to say it’s over between us."

Willow put her books and folders inside her locker. "You don’t know that for sure. He said he needed time. Maybe he’s just giving it some thought. It is a fairly contrived story."

"You’re right, I don’t know for sure. But I do have a good feeling. Will, I have four classes with him this year. How am I supposed to se him everyday, knowing how much he hates me?"

"I’m sure he doesn’t hate you."

Buffy grimaced. "I wish I had your confidence. Scratch that, I’m never making another wish for the rest of my life. They don’t do anything except get me in trouble." She sighed. "I’m going to stop by my locker and check in with Giles before homeroom starts. See you later, Willow."

With a sigh, Willow closed her locker door. She felt horrible for her best friend and what she was going through. It didn’t seem fair that Buffy could lose the love of her life for just wishing for a better life with him.

***

Buffy wasn’t looking forward to going to her first period class. She and Angel were both in the same homeroom, and she didn’t think she’d be able to make it through the class, much less the entire day. Reaching into her backpack, she pulled out several notebooks and folders, then opened her locker.

"What the…?" she said, seeing the bouquet of red roses sitting on the top shelf of her locker, with a white envelope inside of it. Her name was scrawled on it in blue ink. Putting her belongings on the ground next to her feet, she picked up the card. Three simple words were written on it. I LOVE YOU.

Buffy bit her lip, feeling herself getting choked up. "Angel," she whispered.

"Do you like them?"

She turned around, swallowing the lump in her throat upon seeing him. Angel stood only a foot behind her, his hands clasped behind his back, smiling ever-so-nervously. "They’re absolutely beautiful," Buffy told him.

"I’m glad you think so. Look, Buffy, I’m sorry."

"You don’t need to be."

He stepped closer to her. "Yes, I do. I meant what I wrote on the card, I do love you. And I don’t want to lose you over something stupid like this."

"Stupid?" Buffy repeated. "How can you call what I lived through ‘stupid’?" ‘I guess he doesn’t understand after all.’

He touched her cheek with his right hand. "That isn’t what I meant. The way I acted was stupid. I never should have left the way I did. It wasn’t fair to you. I behaved like a spoiled jerk."

"You’re okay with everything, then?"

Angel hesitated for a moment. He didn’t want to lie to her by saying he was fine with it when he wasn’t. Truthfully, he was still confused, and didn’t expect the confusion to go away anytime soon. "Not exactly, but it doesn’t matter to us. Well, it does and it doesn’t; I’ll be able to work past it. What happened is in the past and I know why you did what you did. You made that wish so you could be with the man you love."

"I never imagined when I wished for him, he’d turn out to be you, Angel. I may have loved the vampire Angel, but I love you, too. Regardless of what you might think, you needed to know before we got too serious."

He blinked. "Buffy, I’m too far into you to turn back now. I told my sister that I’m so in love you, I can’t see straight; that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with you. And I doubt anything will ever change that."

So filled with emotion, Buffy threw her arms around his neck, crushing her body to his. "I will never lie to you or keep secrets from you again." She pressed her lips to his, oblivious to the other students walking around them and the stares in their direction. Buffy was just so happy to be in his embrace that the rest of the world seemed to disappear.

"Ahem!"

They broke apart, finding Principal Snyder staring at them with an annoyed look on his face, tapping his foot. "Principal Snyder," Angel said. "We didn’t see you there."

"I don’t find that surprising," Principal Snyder replied sarcastically. "We have very specific rules in this school about public displays of affection. You are here to learn, not make out in the middle of the hallway. That is a fire hazard, you know. It’s unsafe."

"Sorry," Angel apologized. "It won’t happen again."

He scowled. "See that it doesn’t. Such behavior I would expect from Miss Summers, but not from you, Mr. Connelly. Perhaps you should give more thought to whom you spend time with." Without another word, Principal Snyder walked away.

Angel watched with wide eyes as he headed down the hall. "He’s a barrel full of fun," he commented.

"He just hates me. The man loves to make my life miserable."

"Snyder should get to know you, then maybe he’ll fall in love with you the way I did," Angel told her.

"No thank you!" she exclaimed. "Huge ick factor."

The bell rang, marking the two minute warning before homeroom. "Can I carry your books to class?" he asked.

Buffy smiled. "That’s the best offer I’ve had all day."

Go to Part 31