17

"Buffy, it's always wonderful to see you," Mrs. Osborne said when Buffy and Angel stopped over after finishing their Christmas shopping.

Buffy grinned. "It's great to see you, too, Mrs. Osborne."

"We hardly ever see you anymore now that Angel's been seeing that Robin girl." She whispered in Buffy's ear. "I don't like her. She's too perfect. Something's a little off about her."

"She's perfectly nice. And she makes him happy."

"For now she does. But pretty soon my boy is going to realize that you make him happier. I've seen him with her and she doesn't make his face light up like you do. You're the one he should be with, not her."

She gave Angel's mother a kiss on the cheek. "I appreciate the compliment, but will you do me a favor? Give Robin a chance?"

Mrs. Osborne nodded, flashing Buffy a smile. "I'll do my best. Please tell me that you'll be over for dinner on Christmas Eve."

"I had no idea I was invited."

"Angel Patrick Osborne, you get your butt out here right this instant!" his mother called.

Angel knew that tone of voice, and ran from his bedroom where he'd been wrapping gifts to the living room. "What did I do now?"

"Buffy has just informed me that you haven't invited her over for Christmas Eve dinner. As I recall, I told you to do that a month ago. It's only four days away, when were you planning to ask her?"

"It slipped my mind. Sorry," he apologized.

"You're more responsible than that. It's that new girlfriend of yours. She's clouding your mind," Mrs. Osborne accused.

"I'm sure that Angel was busy with his finals and he forgot," Buffy suggested. "But I'll definitely be here. What time?"

"Four o'clock. We always go to three o'clock mass, so we should be back by then," she informed her. "In fact, you're welcome to come to church with us."

Buffy considered the invitation. "You know what, I'd love to. Thank you so much for including me."

"Are you done with me, Mom? I'd like to finish wrapping my presents," Angel wanted to know.

"Yeah, go on ahead. Buffy and I will stay out here and catch up."

Angel made his way down the hallway, passing his parents' bedroom along the way. His father sat in the leather armchair near the door, watching a hockey game.

"Son, come in here for a minute," Mr. Osborne requested.

Sighing heavily, Angel entered the room. "Yeah, Dad?"

"You haven't stopped by in quite awhile. Your mother was worried about you."

"I suppose you didn't care at all, did you?"

"Believe it or not, I do care, Angel. I've been wondering what's been keeping you so busy these past few weeks. The only thing that comes to mind is your new girlfriend, what's her name. Am I correct?"

"Her name is Robin. And she is part of the reason, yes," Angel answered.

Mr. Osborne nodded. "I thought so. You have been different since you came back; in a good way and it shows. The spoiled, arrogant teenager is gone, I've noticed that. At first, I thought it was your friend, Buffy."

"She sees the good in me where a lot of people don't."

"Apparently. Whether you like it or not, Angel, I am your father. And I can see things about you that a lot of other people can't. There's a new girl in your life. Though that's not why you've changed. No, I can tell that you're a man in love. That's the reason for this new you."

Angel vigorously shook his head. "Dad, I'm not in love with Robin. We're just dating."

"I never said you were in love with Robin. Is Buffy at all aware of your feelings for her?"

"What? My feelings for Buffy?"

"Yes. It's written all over you. Anyone can see that you're in love with the girl. So I ask again. Is Buffy aware that you love her?"

Sinking down on the bed, he slowly shook his head. "No, she isn't."

"Don't you think you are being unfair to this girl you're dating by being in love with someone else?"

"As much as I want to be with Buffy, I can't be. After all the crap I've done, I really don't deserve her friendship. Asking for her love is more than I could ever ask for. Look, I may not love Robin, but I don't want to lose her, or see her get hurt either."

"You're gonna hurt her more if you don't tell her the truth."

Angel heavily exhaled. "What do you want me to do? Break up with her? I can't do that to her right before Christmas. She leave to go home tomorrow morning. That gives us both three weeks away from one another. I'll use that time to sort out my feelings and decide what to do."

"One would assume that you're feelings are as sorted out as they're going to be. You're in love with Buffy. That's obvious, and you admit it."

"Yeah, I do. But I care about Robin. I don't want to hurt her."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Why not? I already bared my heart and soul to you today. There's nothing else left for me to hide."

"Have you slept with her yet?"

Angel didn't expect his father to ask him such a personal question. "I told you, Buffy has no idea how I feel. I wouldn't sleep with her unless she felt the same, unless she knew how I felt, and unless she wanted to do it. And frankly, I don't see any of that happening anytime in the near future. If ever."

"I wasn't talking about Buffy."

"Oh, Robin. No, things haven't gone that far between us," Angel told him.

"And if they do?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I honestly don't."

"That's all I wanted to know. You're growing up, son. You're taking responsibility for yourself and your actions.and it's about damn time you did so, too."

***

"Dinner was outstanding," Robin said when she and Angel reached the door to her dorm room. "Thank you so much."

Angel smiled at her. "It's my pleasure. I wanted to do something special for you, considering this is your last night in town for a couple weeks."

"That's so thoughtful of you." She took her key out of her black purse. "I've got a Christmas present for you. It's inside."

"I have something for you, too."

"Well, come on in. We can open them in my room."

Angel followed her inside, and Robin closed the door behind them. "Shannon's not here?" he asked.

Robin shook her head. "Nope. She left at six tonight. We have the room all to ourselves."

"Oh." Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulled out a flat box, holding it out to Robin. "Merry Christmas, Rob."

Her eyes widened with glee, like a small child on Christmas morning. Taking it from him, she looked at it for several moments before ripping off the wrapping paper. When she opened it, her breath caught. What she found shocked even her. A gold, oval locket on a delicate gold chain. "A-Angel, this is so beautiful. I don't quite know what to say."

"I hope you'll say you like it."

Robin threw her arms around him, planting a soft kiss on his lips. "It's such a thoughtful gift, I love it. Of course I do."

"Buffy picked it out, actually," he admitted to her. "I needed a woman's point of view."

"Thank her for me next time you see her."

"Will do."

Placing her hand on the back of his head, she brought his lips to hers. Robin deepened the kiss, using her tongue to open Angel's mouth. Without breaking their embrace, she placed the jeweler's box onthe dresser, then skimmed her hands along his sides to his trousers.

Angel pulled away when she tugged his shirt from his pants. "What are you doing?" He knew it was a stupid question - it was fairly obvious what she was doing.

"I'm giving you your present," Robin answered. "Me."

"This is an awfully big present."

"Angel, I'm not a little girl anymore. I'll be twenty next month. And I know what I want. You."

He shook his head. "No, you don't. You can't."

"I can and I do. I want you to be the first man I make love to. And I know it's a big step, but I know I'm ready to take it. With you."

"You can't just jump right into this." Angel was doing his best to change her mind.

"You don't think I've thought of everything? Prepared for it? I have." Opening her dresser drawer, she pulled out a rectangular box. "Angel, you have absolutely nothing to be worried about. I have everything we need."

He tried to find the nicest way to say what he had to say. "Robin --"

"No, don't 'Robin' me. Don't tell me that we can't. There's nothing stopping us. Angel, I'm standing right in front of you, your present is waiting for you to unwrap it."

"Don't do this. It's not right."

"Yes, it is. God, you don't have to be so noble, or so shy. I know you've done this before, and I also know you won't hurt me. And I'm not the least bit scared." She brought her hands to her dress, unbuttoning the buttons slowly, waiting for him to give in and take over.

Angel pulled her hands away. "Stop it!" Half of her dress was open, her black bra clearly visible to him. To his own surprise, he wasn't even the least bit tempted to see what was hidden underneath.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to do this! Look, I'm sorry, Robin, but I can't make love to you. I really like you, I care about you a great deal, but I don't think we're ready to go that far yet. I just can't be with you like that."

She was confused. "Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"

He caressed her chin with his fingers. "Not at all. You may be ready, but I'm not."

"I thought tonight was going to be about you and me. We're supposed to be together tonight. I wanted to make love to you tonight."

"I'm sorry I ruined your plans," Angel apologized. "I'm not ready. It's too soon."

Robin bit back tears. "It's okay. If you're not ready, I guess I can't force you. But I meant what I said; I want you to be my first."

He couldn't think of a reply. Instead, he kissed her lightly on the lips. "I better get going."

"Thank you for my present. I'll wear it all the time; I'll never take it off. I love it. Beautiful and thoughtful."

"So was yours. I only wish I could have accepted it."

"Angel?" He turned around to look at her. "Merry Christmas."

"You, too. Don't forget to call me. I'll see you when you get back."

He walked out the door. Halfway down the hall, Angel turned to glance at Robin's closed door. The hurt in her eyes was so apparent when he'd said no; it almost killed him to deny her what she desired. But he couldn't, just as he couldn't tell Robin the real reason he couldn't sleep with her. How do you tell your girlfriend you can't imagine waking up next to her in the morning? And moreover, how do you tell her that you're hopelessly in love with your best friend?

***

18

At two forty-five Christmas Eve, Buffy guided herself down the church aisle. She looked all around for Angel and his family, but there were so many people that she couldn't find them.

"Buffy!" a voice to her left whispered loudly.

She looked toward the left where the voice had come from, finding Mr. and Mrs. Osborne, along with Angel, seated in the pew a few rows behind her. Smiling, she made her way to them, having to climb over the other people in their pew.

Angel gazed his eyes over her, taking in her beauty. She left her blonde hair down, letting it flow to her shoulders. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look so pretty, even on Homecoming. Dressed in a long navy blue skirt and a white blouse, Buffy managed to take his breath away.

"Hi. Sorry I'm late," she said, apologizing.

"No problem. I'm glad you came. Church always bores me and it's nice to have someone here to keep me company."

Mrs. Osborne bent down, turning her head toward her son and Buffy, giving the young woman a pleasant smile. "You made it."

"I wouldn't have missed it. Thanks for inviting me along."

Angel moved over so Buffy would have enough room to sit down. It was a tight squeeze, but she found the room. Her right leg pressed against his, and he closed his eyes at her touch. With each passing day, it became harder and harder to suppress how he felt for her. He knew that it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.

***

"I hope you like ham," Mrs. Osborne said to Buffy when they arrived back at the Osborne home after the church service. "That's what I made for dinner."

"I love it. I'm not a very picky eater. Just put a plate in front of me and I'll be sure to eat all of it. Guaranteed."

She nodded. "Great. I wish I could do that. After having two children, my figure is shot to hell. But you have such a tiny little figure, Buffy. Where do all those calories go?"

Buffy blushed slightly. "I work out."

"Tae Bo?"

"No. Just regular exercise."

"Ah, to be young again. Why don't you and Angel go do whatever it is that you two do while I finish up with dinner," Angel's mother suggested.

Angel took Buffy's arm. "We can go in my room and talk."

Mr. Osborne gave his son a look of warning. Angel shook his head, knowing what his father was thinking. No, he'd never do that to her.

Angel closed his bedroom door behind him. Buffy had a seat on his bed, looking expectantly at him. "Aren't you going to sit down?" she asked.

"Yeah." He took a seat on the other end of the bed, keeping his distance from her.

"Something's wrong with you, I can tell. What is it?"

"Nothing."

Buffy shook her head. "No, you have 'something' face. Did something happen with Robin the other night?" Horrible images flashed through her mind, the worst being an image of Angel and his girlfriend lying naked in her bed. She didn't know why it bothered her, but it did.

"Yeah, sort of."

She raised her eyebrows. "Sort of? You're not being very forthcoming with the details, Angel. What happened?"

"We went out for dinner and then went back to her dorm room, where we exchanged presents. She loved the locket, by the way. She wanted me to say thank you to you for picking it out. But her present to me.well, it wasn't what I expected from her."

"Good or bad?" she wanted to know.

"You know what, I'm not even sure." He paused before telling her. "Buffy, she wanted me to make love to her."

Shifting uncomfortably on the bed, Buffy bit her lip. "Oh." She couldn't ask him the question that was plaguing her thoughts. Truth was, she didn't know if she wanted to hear the answer.

"I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. I didn't sleep with Robin."

"That wasn't -"

"Yes, it was. The old me would not have hesitated to take her to bed, not a second's hesitation. But this me couldn't. She had everything prepared. We had privacy, protection, everything we'd need. And I couldn't bring myself to even touch her. Do you know why, Buffy?"

"I don't know. Maybe because you're different from the way you used to be."

Shaking his head, Angel disagreed. "No. Because I'm not in love with her. That isn't even the worst part. No, the worst part is that I couldn't imagine spending the night with her. My own girlfriend, and I couldn't see myself in her bed the next day. I didn't want to wake up the next morning with Robin lying next to me. Her face wasn't the one I wanted to see when I woke up. Is that horrible of me?"

"I don't think it is. You looked temptation right in the eye and said no. Despite how much it must have hurt Robin, I'm proud of you. Most guys wouldn't have had the courage to do what you did."

Angel snorted. "Yeah. I'm a real stand-up guy," he said sarcastically.

***

"Do you two want to open your presents now or wait until later?" Mr. Osborne asked Buffy and Angel after they'd all finished eating dessert.

Glancing at one another, they both replied at the same time. "Now."

"You guys go in the family room and distribute the presents and I'll bring out the cookies and apple cider," Mrs. Osborne said to them.

Angel hung back while Buffy and his father left the room. "Do you need any help, Mom?"

Smiling at her son, she shook her head. "No, honey, everything is taken care of. Did you put Buffy's present under the tree with the rest of them?"

"Yes, I did. Do you think she'll like it?" he asked in a worried tone.

"Of course she will. It's beautiful, just like her. I adore that little girl just as much as you do."

He planted a kiss on his mother's cheek. "I highly doubt that."

Walking out of the kitchen, Angel entered the family room in time to see his father handing a pile of presents to Buffy, who sat on her knees a few feet from the tree.

"These are for you," David Osborne told her.

"All of these? You didn't have to."

"Joanne and I wanted to. You've become like a daughter to us these past few months, Buffy. You're a member of this family, like it or not. And we'll spoil you just like we spoil our son."

She was speechless. "I don't know what to say."

"How about nothing and open your presents?" Angel suggested.

"You know, you've got a pretty big pile here, too, buddy," she teased.

Mr. Osborne sighed. "Both of you shut up and open your presents."

After Angel's mother returned with a plate of cookies and four steaming mugs of hot apple cider, they all began to open their gifts. It took them an hour to open all of them, each person having at least five presents to unwrap. Mr. and Mrs. Osborne gave Buffy a black sweater, a fifty dollar gift certificate to the Sunnydale Mall, a leather jacket, a pair of opal earrings and several CDs that Angel picked out.

"You went to too much trouble," Buffy said. "Really, you didn't need to buy me anything."

"We wanted to. Come on, you have one more present left to open," Mrs. Osborne pointed out.

It was a long box, small in comparison to the others she'd opened that night. Looking at the card, it said TO: BUFFY. FROM: ANGEL. With all eyes on her, she opened her last gift.

"Oh my god, Angel, you shouldn't have." He'd bought her a gold charm bracelet with a gold heart charm dangling from it.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. Of course I do."

He grinned. "Read the inscription on the charm," he requested.

Turning the heart charm over, Buffy read what he had inscribed on it. In small letters was written MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU - ANGEL. Her lower lip quivering, she said, "That's so sweet."

Only Angel and his father were aware that the words were the truth. "I'm glad you like it. See, now you have my heart forever."

She wrapped her arms around him. "Angel, I love it. Will you put it on me?"

Taking the bracelet out of its box, he gingerly placed it on her wrist, securing the clasp so it wouldn't fall off. His fingers lingered for a moment before he put his hands back in his lap.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They sat around the tree for another hour, Angel's parents telling Buffy stories from when Angel was a young boy. She couldn't help but laugh when they told her about him, at age eight, getting up at the crack of dawn and falling asleep under the tree with presents surrounding him.

"I better get going before Mom sends out the National Guard," Buffy said at eleven o'clock.

"Do you have to go?" Mrs. Osborne pouted. "You can stay over if you'd like to. There's an extra bed in Angel's room that you can sleep in."

Mr. Osborne feared the outcome of his son sharing a bedroom with Buffy. "If Buffy's mother wants her home, maybe it's better that she go."

"I do appreciate the offer, but I can't stay. Thank you so much for having me over, and for all the wonderful gifts you gave me."

"You know you're welcome over anytime, and as we said before, you're family to us, Buffy. Have a Merry Christmas and tell your mother the same."

"I will."

Angel stood up when Buffy did. "I'll walk you out."

He followed her to the front door, holding it open for her. "Thanks for coming tonight. Christmas was actually fun this year."

Glancing up, she grinned mischievously. "Are you going to kiss me or not?"

"Huh?" Her question took him by surprise.

Buffy pointed to the door frame. "Mistletoe."

"I guess I have to then, don't I?"

"It's tradition."

"Can't break tradition, now can I?" Leaning down, he pressed his lips gently over hers. His heart raced and his palms felt sweaty. Kissing a girl never had that kind of an affect on him. Not that Buffy was just any girl. He had to blink several times after he pulled away from her. "That was."

"Really nice," she finished. "Thank you for the bracelet."

"And thank you for the watch."

She smiled at him. "So, tell me, Angel. Did you get everything you asked for this Christmas?"

Angel shook his head. "No. The one thing I want more than anything still eludes me. Not that I expected to get it. It's not something you can buy."

"What did you want?"

"Never mind. It's something I'll never have anyway."

"You never know. You might find it under your tree tomorrow morning."

"I don't think so, Buffy. You can't giftwrap what I want with a big red bow and put it under the Christmas tree." 'How do you tie a bow around love?

***

19

"Ah, the annual Sunnydale High Winter Carnival," Angel said on New Year's Eve when he and Buffy arrived at the school grounds. "Same faulty rides and freaky people year after year. It's nice to know some things never change."

Buffy frowned. "You didn't have to come with me, Angel. You could have said no when I invited you."

"I'm only teasing. The carnival isn't that bad. I have somewhat fond memories of this place."

She laughed. "I'll bet. You probably brought one of your many girlfriends here and had sex with her somewhere on the grounds."

"Actually, she was running one of the game booths and we did it in the woods behind the gymnasium during her half-hour break," he told her with a straight face.

Her jaw dropped. "You did *what*?"

Angel took her hand in his. "It was a joke, Buffy. I never did that."

She hit him across the chest with her free hand. "You really had me going! You are such a jerk, Angel."

"Sorry. No, back in high school, the guys on the football team would come here and make fun of it all."

"Is that why you're here now? To make fun of it?"

He shook his head. "Nope. I came because I want to have a good time tonight. Besides, it gives me an excuse to go out with you."

"As if you need one. Pretty soon, people will start to talk," she said with a sly grin.

Shrugging his shoulders, Angel replied, "So, let them."

They walked inside the tent that housed the booths and game tables. "What do you want to do first?" Buffy asked.

"It doesn't matter to me. Whatever you want to do."

"Ferris Wheel or Bumper Cars?"

Angel considered his two options. "Ferris Wheel."

On their way over to the Ferris Wheel, Cordelia stepped in their path. "Angel, I had no idea you were going to be here. If I'd known, I would have worn something nicer than this old thing," she said, blatantly flirting with him.

Buffy inwardly groaned, feeling underdressed in comparison to the tall brunette. While the Slayer wore a black turtleneck and a pair of jeans, Cordelia had chosen a pair of tight black pants and a royal blue sweater. As usual, she looked stunning.

"Buffy invited me."

Cordelia ignored his statement. "Wanna go on the Ferris Wheel with me? We can get to know each other better."

"Not tonight, Cordelia. I told you, I came here with Buffy. She and I are headed to the Ferris Wheel ourselves," he told her.

It didn't deter the wealthy brunette. "My sympathies for your choice of companions. I'll be running the kissing booth in an hour. It's only three tickets, but I won't charge you if you stop by."

"Uh-huh. Nice seeing you."

"She was coming on pretty strong," Buffy commented when she and Angel reached the line for the Ferris Wheel.

"Too strong for my liking."

"So, are you going to stop by and visit her?" she asked.

He scoffed. "Hardly. She's too stuck up and pushy for my liking."

"Next!" the man running the ride called. "How many?"

"Two," Angel answered.

They sat down in the seat and the man closed and secured the bar. The ride began its journey upward, gaining speed as it went along. From the top, Buffy looked down at the lights of the town. It seemed just like any other small town - peaceful, tranquil and oblivious to the dangers all around.

"Have you spoken to Robin lately?" Buffy wanted to know.

Angel shook his head in response. "Not since Christmas Day. She and her family are spending the New Year in Aspen. I was invited, but I said no."

"You never told me that. Why didn't you go?"

"I guess I wanted to be around my family for the holidays instead of spending them with a bunch of strangers."

"Sure. That's why it's New Year's Eve and you're spending the night at my house with me, Willow and Oz. Yeah, quality time with your family. Ringing in the new year with us."

"What can I say? You made me an offer I couldn't refuse."

"Angel, you should be spending New Year's Eve with your girlfriend."

"I'd rather be here in Sunnydale with you than in Aspen, Colorado. I'm not a big fan of snow, you know that."

Buffy smiled, then laughed. "Don't you know that you're supposed to kiss the person you love at the stroke of midnight? Who are you going to kiss then?"

"I was planning on kissing you, actually." 'That way, I will be kissing the person I love.'

***

"Hey, look," Angel said an hour later. "They have a psychic here this year. I don't remember there ever being one before. We should go."

"They're cheesy. Just a bunch of bologna if you ask me."

"It'll be fun."

Buffy shook her head. "It's a waste of five tickets. Besides, I don't believe in that kind of stuff. People who can see things in their mind.ha! Yuck."

"Well, I never believed in vampires and demons until I met you, so I will believe pretty much anything."

"Angel."

"Buffy, come on. I'll put in my own tickets for you. I'd like to find out what this Madame Drusilla has to say about my future."

She relented. "Fine, but I'm going under duress."

"It's all in good fun."

They walked into the tent at the far corner of the school grounds. A beautiful woman with long brown hair and a hypnotic smile greeted them.

"Oh, what a pretty couple you two make," she said in a thick English accent.

"We're not -" Buffy began.

Angel interrupted her. "We'd like our fortunes read."

"Five tickets each, dearies."

He handed Madame Drusilla ten tickets, enough for both he and Buffy to have their fortunes told.

"Step inside," she said, motioning for Angel to follow her into a curtained-off room. He sat down at a small, round table in the center of the room.

She took a seat across from him. Madame Drusilla stared deeply into Angel's brown eyes. It made him rather uncomfortable, but he never looked away. It was as if he were under some kind of spell, he couldn't turn away from her gaze. After a minute, she asked for his hands, and she placed her palms over his, closing her eyes.

"You're in love, and it frightens you. Your feelings are so strong, yet you fear rejection. There's no need to worry so, you will attain what you want; the young woman waiting outside will be your true love."

"She doesn't love me back," Angel told her.

She put her pointer finger to her lips, quieting him. "Soon, you will know her love, and her gift to you will amaze you. But you won't feel as if you deserve it." She closed her eyes again. "There will be hurt and heartache, Angel. Your heart will be broken, though fear not your love, she will be yours."

"H-How did you know my name?" he asked. "I never said it."

"You are her angel; her knight in shining armor." Her head rolled from side to side. "Ooh.I see happiness in your future. Not just in love. You'll have everything you want.snow.I see you playing football in the snow.millions of people watching you as you ask her to be yours for all time.I hear them cheering when she says yes. Angel, all of your dreams come true."

He stood up, creeped out by what Madame Drusilla fortold. "T-Thank you."

Angel practically ran out of the room, but he collected himself when he reached Buffy again. "Your turn."

"Are you okay?"

Nodding, he replied, "Yeah."

Buffy went inside. "Have a seat, love," Madame Drusilla softly demanded.

She did the same exact thing that she had done to Angel only five minutes earlier. Buffy, however, remained skeptical. Psychics were just plain weird to her. And she doubted what the woman had to say. What were the chances that she could tell her future? Slim to none, as far as Buffy was concerned.

"You have been hurt by the men in your life. They all leave you, including your father. You haven't heard from him in months; you think he doesn't care about you anymore, but he does. My dear, there is one man who never wants to leave you; he wants to be by your side forever. But yet you close your heart to love, and to the man who loves you. It needs to be open for his arrival.

"A man has given his heart to you and you wear it on your sleeve for all to see," she said to Buffy, pointing to the charm bracelet Angel gave her for Christmas. "My dear Buffy, I see such love in your future. By next month, it will all come to a boil. Your cup overfloweth, brimming with love from a man you never thought could have had such feelings for you. You'll know his love in every way imaginable. Emotionally, spiritually; but it won't be until you know his love physically that you'll realize you feel the same for him.

"It won't be easy, but his love is truer than any other. He will hurt you, remember that he loves you. He wants to be with you forever. Don't fight it."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Uh-huh. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for the words of warning, but I'm going now."

Angel was waiting for her when she exited the room.

"That was real fun, Angel," she commented sarcastically. "That lady was nuts!"

"I don't think so. She knew exactly what's going on with me." 'Dead on.'

"Madame Drusilla seems to think I'm going to find love in January, and that I'll know physical love. Whatever she meant by physical love."

"Physical love is sex, Buffy," he said to her.

Buffy shrugged. "Sure. Like I'm going to hop into bed with some guy just because he says he loves me. Not likely. I'm not a slut, I don't sleep around."

"Nobody said you were. Maybe what she said is true, you'll fall in love with someone who feels the same way about you."

"Some guy out there somewhere is going to sweep me off my feet and into his bed? I wouldn't let it happen. Face it, there isn't some guy out there mooning over me, pining away for my unrequited love."

Angel grimaced. "Yes, there is," he said under his breath, too soft for even Buffy to hear.

***

20

"This past month has just flown by. I can't believe you're going back to school tomorrow morning," Mrs. Osborne said at the dinner table on January seventeenth. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

Angel sighed sadly. His mother always cried the day before he left for school. "I'll only be three miles away, Mom. You make it sound like I'm flying back to Notre Dame or something. I'm still going to be here in Sunnydale."

"I think your mother has grown quite accustomed to having you home these past few weeks," his father commented. "We both have."

"Why do you have to live in the dorms? You can live here and stay in your old room."

"Because my scholarship pays for me to dorm there. I like the privacy and the responsibility of being on my own. Mom, you never had a problem with it before, why is my living in the dorms such an issue now?"

She sniffled. "You're growing up so fast, Angel. It seems like only yesterday that you were starting kindergarten, holding on to my leg and begging to stay at home with me. Now you don't even want to stay at home. Pretty soon you'll be moving out and getting married and starting your own family."

"Can you say jumping the gun? I'm not getting married anytime in the near future," Angel told her. "And kids? Don't think it's going to happen."

"My baby's growing up; you're not my little angel anymore. You're a grown man." She broke down and sobbed.

Mr. Osborne turned to his son, who stared at his mother in shock and dismay. "Maybe you better leave the room before your mother really loses it."

Angel nodded, then carried his empty plate to the sink. Taking a look back at his parents, he felt a pang of guilt when he saw his mother dabbing her eyes with a napkin. His leaving was breaking her heart, and Angel hated seeing his mother so sad. She'd already mourned the loss of her oldest son; Angel moving back to campus was hurting her even more.

Inside his bedroom, he began packing his clothes for the move back to the dorms. Almost mechanically, he threw jeans, t-shirts, sweats, sweaters, socks, underwear and shoes into the four suitcases that lay on his bed. His heart wasn't in it; Angel dreaded returning to the UC Sunnydale campus the next day.

Mr. Osborne knocked on the door, opening it slightly to see his son packing his things. "Mind if I come in?"

"Not at all."

In the month that Angel had been home for Christmas vacation, he and his father struck up a father-son relationship that never existed before. For the first time since Brandon's death thirteen years earlier, Angel and David Osborne felt comfortable around one another.

"How's Mom doing?" Angel asked.

"She's upset. Your mother doesn't want you to go; she's afraid of losing you for some strange reason. They call it the empty nest syndrome."

"I'll be home every weekend. It's not like she'll never see me."

Mr. Osborne shrugged. "Tell that to her."

Angel took a deep breath. "I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days. I haven't been the world's greatest son to you and I haven't been fair to either of you. Ever since I became a teenager, I have pushed you and Mom away and acted like a self-centered jerk. And I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused."

"You don't need to apologize."

"Dad, I want to move back home for my last year of school. I want to get to know my family before it's too late."

"This is your home as much as it is ours. We'd love to have you back."

Angel slumped down on his bed. "You know what? I don't want to go back to school tomorrow."

"Nervous?"

He nodded. "Not about school itself, though. I.Robin comes back tomorrow and I still don't know what I'm going to do about her."

"You've had a month to think about it, Angel. I would've thought you'd have come to some kind of a decision."

"I did, too."

Mr. Osborne sat down next to his son. "Well, what does you heart tell you to do?"

Angel bit his lip. "I care about Robin. She's a terrific girl; sweet and funny and nice, and I know I should love her. But I don't. Dad, I don't want to hurt her if I can help it, especially for no reason."

"You do have a reason. Are you still in love with Buffy?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then how can you say you have no reason? I'd say that's a very good reason. You're not in love with her, you shouldn't be seeing her if you don't."

"Maybe so, but what if I break it off with Robin and then tell Buffy how I feel and she says she doesn't feel the same way? I'll have made a complete fool of myself for nothing, losing a girl I, one day, could love. God, I don't know what to do. My head tells me to do one thing and my heart says something different. I'm so confused."

Mr. Osborne put his arm around Angel. "I can't make your decisions for you, son. You have a difficult choice to make; I don't envy you. It's not easy to choose between two such unique women."

"Do you like Robin?"

"I've only met her once, but she came across as being a very nice young lady."

"And Buffy?"

"I like her a great deal. She's like family."

Angel swallowed the lump in his throat. "If you could look ten years into the future, who would you see by my side? Buffy or Robin or someone else?" he asked.

He closed his eyes, a mental picture forming inside his head. It was Christmas, and he and Joanne were greeting Angel and his wife at the door, a young baby boy in their daughter-in-law's arms. Angel's wife grinned, secure with her husband's arms around her.

"I can only see Buffy."

"So do I. I think I know what I have to do."

***

At one the next afternoon, as Angel was unpacking his belongings in his dorm room, a knock sounded at his door. When he opened it, he found Robin standing on the other side. "Robin," he said simply.

"Angel!" she returned, throwing her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to his. "I wasn't sure if you were going to be here. But I decided to take my chances anyway."

"It's great to see you," he told her, preparing for what he had to say. "We have to talk."

She didn't remove her arms from him. "This month has been hell not seeing you. Angel, you have no idea how much I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

"We haven't spoken since Christmas Day. How was your New Year's? What did you do?"

Angel thought back to that night two and a half weeks prior. It almost brought a smile to his face, but he fought it.

****

"The ball is going to drop in fifteen seconds," Buffy said, standing on top of her sleeping bag in the middle of the living room.

Willow grinned. "This is so exciting. For the first time ever, I'll have someone to kiss at midnight."

Oz put his arm around the redhead. "I'm pretty excited about that myself. How 'bout you, Angel?" He knew that his cousin would be kissing Buffy at midnight.

"Whole new year, whole new world full of possibilities. What's not to look forward to? You never know what's going to happen."

"Okay, this is it," Buffy exclaimed. "Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!"

Oz pulled his girlfriend into his arms, kissing her. Angel looked at Buffy, not sure if she wanted him to do the same. He'd told her earlier at the carnival that he planned to kiss her, but didn't know if she'd let him. Taking a deep breath, he moved in front of her, slowly bringing his lips to hers.

He never deepened it, despite the fact that he desperately wanted to. Buffy placed her hands on his shoulders, using them as leverage to lift herself closer to his mouth. For some reason, she wanted it to go on forever. While part of her craved more of his touch, another part told her to stop. 'Angel has a girlfriend. I can't keep kissing him like this.'

"Happy New Year," he whispered in her ear when their embrace broke.

"Happy New Year to you, too," Buffy replied.

****"I stayed home with my parents," Angel lied, not wanting to tell Robin that he slept over Buffy's house New Year's Eve. "Nothing special."

"Well, mine sucked. I had to kiss my brother at midnight. I would much rather have kissed you. But hey, there's always next year."

'Next year?' "I told you, my parents wanted me to stay home with them. If I could have, I would have gone with you."

Robin nodded. "I know." Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a small package. "Since you wouldn't accept my other Christmas gift, I bought you something else. It's not as nice as the one you got me, but I thought of you when I saw it."

Angel opened the gift, finding a CD with songs by women rockers in the eighties, his favorite type of music. "Thank you. I like it."

"One of my favorite songs is on there. Will you dance with me to it?"

"I'd love to."

Robin took the CD from him, putting it in his CD player, programming it to number twelve. She wrapped herself in her boyfriend's arms as the song played.

// When I find myself watching the time
I never think about all the funny things you said
I feel like, instead, love isn't near me now
I turn around in the still of the room
Knowing this is when I'm going to make my move
Can't wait any longer and I'm feeling stronger
But, oh
Just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotions
It's pulling me back, just a little more time to love you
I know, caught up in the middle I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh, no, gave up on the riddle I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark \\

With Robin's head resting on his shoulder, Angel put his hands around her waist. As he closed his eyes, he imagined it was Buffy he was with - Buffy's head on his shoulder, Buffy's arms wrapped around him, Buffy telling him she loved him.

"What?" he asked.

She looked up at him, gazing into his eyes. "I love you."

"Robin -"

"You don't have to say it back, not if you aren't ready. Just dance with me."

'I really screwed up this time,' Angel said to himself. 'Robin isn't supposed to be in love with me.'

// He holds me close like a thief of the heart
He plays a melody, born to tear me all apart
The silence is broken, no words are spoken
But, oh
Just as I walk to the door I can feel your emotions
It's pulling me back, just a little more time to love you
I know, caught up in the middle I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh, no, gave up on the riddle I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark \\

"I know you're not ready, Angel. But I love you and I want to make love to you."

"I don't know if -"

She shook her head. "It's okay. I understand that you're still a little bit gun shy. But just so you know, whenever you want to, I'll be here. You're probably the nicest guy I've ever known, and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with."

'How can I break up with her after she said that? I can't do it, not now.'

Angel seriously wondered if he'd ever be able to.

***

21

"This has got to be my worst birthday yet," Buffy said to Angel the next night. He'd invited her over so he could give her the birthday present he bought. "My mom's out of town, Dad 'conveniently' had meetings he couldn't get out of, and on top of all of that, I feel really weird. I have this feeling that something is going to go wrong."

"Look at the bright side, at least you're eighteen."

Buffy frowned. "Yippee. Oh gee, I'm legal. Like it's such a big deal anymore to turn eighteen."

"There's a lot of things you can do now. You can vote. And." He couldn't think of anything else that was important about being eighteen.

"I appreciate the effort, Angel, but forget it. Nothing is going to make my day better."

From underneath his bed, Angel pulled out her gift. "Not even a present from yours truly?"

He waited expectantly for Buffy to open the present, hoping that she would like it. It wasn't nearly as nice as the Christmas present he'd purchased for her, but it wasn't exactly cheap either.

"Angel, it's gorgeous," she commented when she gazed upon her birthday present. In a gray box lay a silver cross on a silver chain. "This must have cost you a fortune. You shouldn't have spent so much money on me."

"What else am I supposed to spend my money on? I stopped over your house last week while you were in school and your mother let me sift through your jewelry box. When I saw that you didn't have a cross necklace, I decided to buy you one."

She smiled at him. "Well, I love it. I guess I was wrong; you did make my birthday a little better."

"That was the whole point. Besides, it's a special day. A girl only turns eighteen once in her life. Might as well make it memorable."

"You did. Thank you, it's the best gift ever."

***

Buffy left Angel's dorm room a little after nine, wanting to be home before nine-thirty. She tried to ignore the sense of forboding she felt when she stepped off the university campus. Angel had told her that she was being paranoid before she left, but she believed otherwise. Something was definitely amiss.

"Hey there, little lady," a short, stocky man sneered as Buffy turned onto the street. "Need a strong man to walk you home safely?"

"No, thank you. I can make it home by myself."

The man vamped out, showing Buffy his game face. "Sorry, I don't take no for an answer."

She whipped her stake out from underneath her blouse, holding it in preparation for battle. "Neither do I."

He ran at her, easily knocking the weapon out of her hand with a single blow. The act took her by surprise, giving the vampire enough time to push her to the ground, pinning her to the sidewalk. She tried to free herself, but it proved futile; Buffy simply didn't have the strength to fight back.

The man bared his fangs and hissed, leaning over her neck, using his right thumb to scratch her cheek, drawing a bit of blood. The smell of it sent his bloodlust into overdrive. She knew she had to get away or she would die. With all her might, Buffy lifted her right knee, successfully making contact with her attacker's groin. He backed off, stunned. Buffy took the opportunity to get up and run away. On her way back to the UC Sunnydale campus, she realized that her Slayer strength was gone. She was helpless against her foes.

***

Buffy pounded on Angel's door, praying that he would answer. Looking nervously over her shoulder, she needed to make sure that the vampire wasn't following her. Never in her entire life had she felt so scared and helpless. 'Angel, please open the door.'

He heard the knocking from his bathroom where he was drying off after his shower. Quickly throwing on a pair of sweatpants, Angel ran to the door to answer it. Upon opening it, he found a shaking, disheveled Buffy standing in the hallway on the other side. A drop of blood trickled down her cheek from a cut below her eye. "Oh my god, Buffy. What happened?"

"Can I come in?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"Of course." He opened the door wider to let her inside his dorm room. "You're hurt."

She nodded. "I know."

"Come in the bathroom with me and I'll clean off that cut."

Buffy followed Angel into the bathroom, still somewhat steamy from his shower. While he reached into the medicine cabinet for bandages and alcohol, she took a seat on the toilet. She brought a trembling hand to her left cheek, discovering that she was bleeding.

Sitting himself down on the edge of the bathtub, Angel tended to her wound. "This may sting a little," he said to her.

"Okay."

Dabbing a piece of cotton in the bottle of alcohol, he pressed it lightly on Buffy's cut. She gasped at first from the pain, but bit her lip rather than cry over it. Angel continued to wipe the cut off, amazed at how quickly it was healing. Glancing in her eyes, he saw them glisten from the tears that welled up there. Angel carefully bandaged it with sterile gauze.

"All done," he told her, standing up. He put the alcohol back in the cabinet and threw the blood-stained cotton ball in the garbage.

"Thank you."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She nodded, and he led her to his bed where she sat across from him. Buffy curled one leg under her and left the other one dangling off the mattress. Angel waited patiently for her to begin her tale.

"On my way home, I got attacked by a vampire. I was only a few feet off campus when he came up to me. He asked to walk me home, but I said no. Then I realized he was a vampire. I grabbed my stake, but he ripped it out of my hand." She let her tears fall and she sniffled. "Angel, I couldn't fight the vamp. It wasn't because he was super strong or anything. I was weak, helpless. My power, my strength is gone."

"You're jumping to conclusions. There must be some other reason," Angel reasoned.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I'm just like everyone else now. Normal. What if I have lost my power?"

"You've lived a long time without it. You can do it again."

She shrugged. "I guess. But what if I can't? I've seen too much, I know what goes bump in the night. Not being able to fight it.what if I just hide under my bed, all scared and helpless? What if I just become pathetic? Hanging out at the old Slayer's home, talking people's ears off about my glory days and showing them Mr. Pointy, the stake I had bronzed."

Angel gave her a small smile, taking her hand. "You could never be helpless or boring, not even if you tried."

Buffy shook her head, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "Don't be so sure. Before I was the Slayer, I was.well, I don't want to say shallow, but let's just say that Cordelia Chase looked like a classical philosopher next to me." She paused for several moments before continuing. "Angel, if I'm not the Slayer, then who am I? What do I have to offer the world? Why would you even like me?" The last question was barely audible, hardly a whisper.

"Don't say that. You being the Slayer doesn't determine who you are as a person. Buffy, you have plenty to offer the world. You're smart, funny, pretty and a lot of fun to be around; you're my best friend. I would have liked you even if you weren't the Slayer," Angel admitted.

More tears fell down her cheeks. "Do you mean that?"

He wiped the stray tears away with his pointer finger. "Yes, I do."

Buffy put her arms around him, and he held her tight, his face nuzzled in her neck. "I don't want to be normal. I'm not strong enough to be weak. It hurts too much."

"Shh. It'll be okay."

Angel let her cry on his shoulder while he embraced her. He couldn't abandon her, not when she needed his support. The one thing he wished he could do was show Buffy how important she was to him, Slayer or not.

Continuing to hold her, he placed a feather light kiss where her neck and her shoulder met, easing upward toward her jaw. Buffy was only vaguely aware of what Angel was doing through her tears. It wasn't until his gentle kisses reached her cheeks that she realized what was going on.

She lifted her head off his bare shoulder slowly as he moved his lips upward along the left side of her face, carefully avoiding her bandaged cut. Their eyes locked for a moment, then Angel brought his lips to her forehead, then down to the tip of her nose.

'Oh god, he's kissing me,' Buffy thought. 'This must be some sort of dream. Angel wouldn't be kissing me like this in real life. I'm only imagining it, aren't I? I must be.' "Angel?"

He never replied. Bringing his lips to hers, Angel closed his eyes and followed his heart. All conscious thought left his mind at the touch of her lips. He never pushed it or forced her to do anything she didn't want to; he simply lost himself in the kiss.

Buffy couldn't deny that she wanted him to keep kissing her. It was in his embrace at that very moment that she felt the most secure, no other place on earth would make her feel safer. She, like Angel, lost herself in the kiss. It wasn't as if she'd never been kissed before, but this one was different for some reason.

Their lips parted, and the two looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Neither spoke; they couldn't seem to find the right words to say.

In Angel's eyes, Buffy expected to see lust and desire, or even shock and disgust. Instead, she saw what she believed to be love and a look of hopefulness. Any doubts she might have entertained left her mind at that moment.

When she put her hand on the back of his head and pushed his lips to hers again, Angel was somewhat surprised. It was the last thing he expected Buffy to do. He figured she would push him away for being so bold, but she did the exact opposite.

Lacing his hands through her shoulder-length blonde hair, he fervently kissed her back. She opened her mouth a couple of centimeters, just wide enough for him to slip his tongue inside. As their kiss grew in intensity, his tongue roamed her mouth, seeking its mate. The two appendages danced in each others' mouths, and Angel gently pushed Buffy back so that they lay on his bed, her lying beneath him.

Her hands ran up and down his muscled back, feeling his muscles as they rippled under her touch. He held his weight from her vulnerable body, propping himself up with one arm, using the other one to explore her body. Using his right hand, Angel examined the curves of the young woman beneath him. Unbuttoning her black jeans, he pulled her white blouse upward, exposing her belly to his touch.

Buffy knew where things were heading as soon as her back was pressed against the mattress. "Angel," she said, removing her lips from his, but keeping her hands clutched about his waist.

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, and tried to ignore the tingling feeling in the pit of her stomach. "I'm." Embarrassed, she turned away, unable to look him in the eye. "I've -- I've never done this before."

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to take it this far, really. I'll stop." 'What the hell was I thinking? Buffy's still a virgin. I shouldn't be pushing this on her. And she's so vulnerable right now. I'd just be taking advantage of her.'

"I don't want you to stop. But I can't help feeling a little scared," she admitted to him.

Angel gazed at her intently. "You really don't want to stop?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, I don't. It's what I want."

"If you're afraid, I don't want to force you."

"You're not forcing me, Angel. Just go slow, please."

He kissed her softly. "I will. And if at any time you want to stop, just tell me and I will."

***

// I can’t fight this feeling any longer
And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show \\

With his right thumb, Angel wiped the tears from her cheeks. It hurt him more than he liked to see her in any kind of pain. Buffy was the kind of person that should never know heartache, and only good things should happen to. Gazing into her green eyes, he felt like he could see his own soul. Everything that he was and would ever be could be found inside this bright young girl. He tried so hard to control himself, to suppress his urges, but could not keep himself from wanting her, or from loving her.

Trailing his hand along the side of her body, he could feel the rapid beating of her heart and the increase in her body temperature. Reaching the waistband of her jeans once more, Angel slipped his hand inside her blouse. Her soft skin was scalding; burning him. He’d never felt anything so wonderful in his life. With his fingers, he traced the edges of her lace bra, wanting so badly to touch what was inside. But he had to go slow for her; he needed to be patient.

Angel sat himself on his knees between Buffy’s legs, hoisting her up into a sitting position. She thought for sure he was going to stop; that he didn’t want to do it anymore. Lifting the hem of her shirt, he slowly removed it from her body. Taking a moment, he surveyed her. She was far more exquisite than he imagined, wearing only a white lace bra that accentuated her perfectly rounded breasts. He’d found perfection, and she sat right in front of him. //

I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
‘Cause I feel so secure when we’re together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear \\

Bringing his mouth to hers again, he wound his arms around her back, feeling the creamy skin beneath. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pushing him harder against her, as if afraid he’d stop again, only this time for good. Together, they fell back, Angel on top again. While Buffy continued to kiss him and stroke the back of his neck, Angel finished unbuttoning her jeans. With little difficulty, he pushed them down her hips, thighs and legs. She helped him along by kicking them off, landing at the end of the bed. All nervousness was gone, replaced by anticipation.

He couldn’t believe that she was still there and not running out the door as fast as she could. It amazed him. But he kept telling himself not to rush things, as much as he wanted to just rip her undergarments from her yielding body and take her right then and there, Angel refused. He wanted her first time to be special; didn’t want her to look back on it with regret. So he contented himself at that moment with only kissing and touching.

// And even as I wander
I’m keeping you in sight
You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might \\

‘He’s not going to hurt me,’ Buffy thought. ‘Angel really is going to go slow. Oh my god, in a couple minutes, I’ll be having sex with him. He’ll be kissing me and touching me and he will actually be inside of me. And I can’t believe he wants to do this with me. Why me? Why am I the special one? I’m just Buffy, no one special.’

Whenever their eyes met, if only for a brief instant, there was an unspoken exchange between them. No words needed to be said, it could all be found in their eyes. Buffy wasn’t sure what Angel saw in hers, but she saw love in his, and perhaps a twinge of desperation. She wanted – no, needed – to share the experience with him. Angel was the only person she could share it with.

// And I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever
‘Cause I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore \\

22

Angel rolled onto the pillow next to her, not wanting to let go of her or break their physical connection. He'd never been so filled with passion like that before, it was a wonderful, blissful feeling. Kissing her shoulder, he asked, "How do you feel?"

Buffy sighed. "Better." She didn't answer his exact question, though. When Angel asked, he meant emotionally. But she had answered in reply to the physical sense. After several minutes, her body was stopping the achiness she'd felt after their lovemaking.

"I'm glad. All I wanted to do was make you feel better. Buffy, we just shared something so amazing. It's been a long time since I felt like that. And it's all because of you."

"How could I have made you feel anything?" she questioned. "All I did was lay there. You did everything." The recollection of her lack of contribution in what they'd shared brought a fresh batch of tears to her eyes.

"Don't say that. You were.it was beautiful."

She shook her head. "I didn't know what to do."

"You were everything I could have asked for; it was perfect. Look at me." He put his hand under her chin, turning her head so he could gaze into her eyes. "Buffy, you're crying. Why?"

Wiping her tears away, she sat up, wrapping the red bedsheet around her body, properly covering herself from his eyes. "Forget it, it's not important."

"If it's making you cry, I'd say it is important. Tell me. You know you can tell me anything." Angel hated seeing her cry.

"I'll go home now." Even though she didn't want to leave the safety of Angel's bedroom, or his bed for that matter, Buffy figured it had to be time to leave. She'd overstayed her welcome by about five minutes.

"You don't have to leave. Why would you do that?"

Buffy couldn't look him in the eye and say it, knowing how much it would hurt her. "Isn't that what happens after this? I go home?"

"Why on earth would you think that, Buffy?"

"Because of what you told me. About how after sex, you tell whoever she is to go home. I'm saving you the trouble. You don't have to kick me out. I'll grab my clothes and I can find the door all by myself."

Angel sat up on his knees, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Don't go, please," he begged. "I want you to stay with me." Saying that was a first for him. He never asked anyone to stay the night with him. But Buffy was different from all those other girls.

"You want me to stay? Really? You're not just saying that because you feel sorry for me?" she wanted to know.

"I do things because I want to. And I want you to stay. I want to fall asleep with my arms around you, and I want to wake up next to you. Your face is the first thing I want to see when I open my eyes tomorrow morning."

Buffy turned around, looking him in the eye. "But I thought you would make me leave after we had sex."

"That wasn't sex."

Now she was really confused. "Then what would you call it? What did we do? Why wasn't it sex?"

"To me, sex is just something that two people do. A way to pass the time, so to speak. There's nothing emotional behind it; no love or feeling or emotion of any kind. What you and I shared, Buffy, could never be called sex. It was far more than that. We didn't have sex, we made love."

"I never knew there was a difference. I thought it was all the same."

He smiled. "Until I was with you, I didn't either. I feel for you, I care for you; I never felt any of that with any other girl I've slept with, hell, with any other girl period. And it felt so different, so right. Like, this is the way it's supposed to be, what it's supposed to be like."

Buffy put her hands over her eyes, feeling the tears fall from their confines. After hearing Angel say that, she felt so horrible for thinking he wanted her to leave. "Don't cry, Buffy. I hate it when you cry. Don't you believe me?" he asked.

She wiped the tears away with the palm of her right hand. "No, I believe you. I feel bad, and betrayed."

"Betrayed? How?"

"Because they lied to me."

"Who lied to you?"

Buffy frowned. "All those romance novels I read in junior high."

"How did they lie to you?" Angel didn't know why anything like that would make her cry, particularly at that moment. It didn't make any sense to him.

She looked down at the bed, keeping her eyes off Angel's nakedness only inches in front of her. "They said it would feel good. All of them made it seem like it felt so good; that everything was absolutely wonderful. But they were wrong. Because it hurts. So much. Worse than anything I'd ever felt before."

It all fell into place for Angel. He understood why Buffy was crying, and why she hadn't reached the same heights of passion that he had. He'd given her more pain than pleasure. "I hurt you?" It almost brought tears to his own eyes.

"You didn't know. I didn't tell you."

"Buffy, you should have told me. If I'd known how uncomfortable you were with it, I would have stopped immediately. We didn't have to continue, I could have held you or done something else to comfort you."

"I kept hoping that it would stop hurting," she told him.

"But it didn't," he finished. He scooped her into his embrace, holding her to his chest, her tears falling on his skin. "I wanted so much to take all your pain away. Instead of making you feel better, I made you feel worse. God, I'm such an idiot. If I hadn't been so damned concerned with making myself feel good, maybe I'd have noticed your pain. I hate myself for what I've done to you."

Buffy held on to him, feeling safe and secure and loved. "It's not your fault. I never told you. But I wish I could have felt the same way you do about it. Angel, I'm not sorry it happened, or that it happened with you. I - I wish I had known ahead of time. Then I wouldn't have had this fantasy image of my first time."

"I never wanted to hurt you; it's the last thing I ever wanted to do. I was supposed to make you feel better; stop your pain, not bring you more."

"Does it always feel like that?"

Angel caressed her arm gently. "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it gets better after time. Buffy, I don't want you to be discouraged or scared because of your first time. Making love to someone you care about is an amazing experience. I never felt like that before until I was with you. You made me feel good about myself."

A thought entered her mind. "What about the second time? Does it hurt then, too?"

"I don't know, I honestly don't." Truth of the matter was, he never really stuck around long enough to find out.

"I want to find out."

Angel locked his gaze on her innocent young face. She wanted him to make love to her again, even after the pain he had caused her the first time? It was a gift he did not feel deserving of. "Is that what you want? To possibly put yourself through that kind of pain again?"

"I trust you. You'll make me feel the way you did, I know you will. Please, make love to me." She leaned her head up, bringing her lips to his and wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Angel broke the kiss several seconds later.

"Buffy, I lo - "

She shut him up with another kiss. "Don't. Just kiss me."

***

Three hours later, Angel watched her sleep peacefully. Her head rested on the pillow, cradled between his arm and his chest; her left hand lay flat over his calmly beating heart. A contented smile adorned her beautiful face. He'd been watching Buffy sleep for hours; he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

They'd made love twice after her plea, Angel proving to her just how heavenly it could feel. He couldn't seem to get enough of her; he had wanted to go on and continue making love to her for a fourth time, but Buffy had grown weak and tired; completely drained and sated. It made him curious as to her stamina at full strength.

Angel brushed a stray hair that had fallen on her face. After years of searching, he found her - the one his heart called out for. And she was his best friend in the world. "Happy birthday, Buffy," he whispered in her ear. "I love you."

***

24

Angel awoke from a dreamless sleep at six o'clock the next morning. He was tired after the previous night's events, but had never felt so complete in his entire life. Looking down at the young woman in his arms, he couldn't help but smile. She looked so peaceful and content, Angel could not bear to wake her. Part of him wanted to let her sleep and get her rest, but another part wanted to rouse her from her slumber and make love to her all over again.

Buffy's leg was thrown over his, her hand rested on his chest and her head using his left arm for a pillow. The blankets covered her up to her shoulders; he'd covered them both up before falling asleep for fear of her being cold; the last thing he wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable in his bed, no matter what the cause. With his unoccupied hand, Angel ran his fingers across her soft cheek. She had made him feel so much love the night before that he wished he could express it to her fully.

"I love you. So much that I'm afraid to tell you, Buffy, because I'm afraid you'll laugh at me. If you didn't feel the same way, what would I do? I can't live without you, I know that now. I wouldn't be able to live if you walked out of my life," he said softly. "Don't leave me."

Buffy groaned several minutes later, feeling Angel's fingers caressing her left cheek. She opened her eyes, looking right into Angel's smiling face.

"Good morning," he greeted.

"Mmm. I fell asleep."

"So I noticed. You had a rough day yesterday. I can completely understand why you were tired."

"It wasn't the best day of my life, that's for sure. But you know what? It wasn't the worst either. And that's because of you. You made it one of the most memorable days ever." She sighed. "You know what, I had this fear of you not being here when I woke up. That maybe all this was just a dream I had and I'd wake up alone in my bed without you. I didn't want that. Or that maybe you'd just have left me and went someplace else because you didn't want to see me."

He placed a soft, lingering kiss on her lips. "That's silly and you know it. I told you last night that I wanted you to be the first person I see after I wake up. There was no way I wasn't going to make that a reality."

"Thank you, Angel. For everything you did for me. You made me feel like a woman for the first time in my life, instead of a machine."

"You are a woman."

She gave him a half-smile. "Now I am."

Angel bent his head down, capturing her lips. He nibbled on her lower lip, his hands wandering under the blanket to touch any part of her that he could. The touch of her lips was intoxicating, the feel of her skin addictive. If he didn't stop soon, he knew he'd lose control like he did the night before; in fact, he could feel the beginnings of it make its way through his body. Before things between them went too far, Angel broke away, gasping for breath.

"You have to go to school in a little while," he said. "Why don't you get up and take a shower while I get us some breakfast."

Buffy simply nodded, not quite knowing what to say. When he had kissed her, she thought for sure he wanted to make love to her again. 'Did I do something wrong?' she wondered. Sitting up, she wrapped the blanket tightly around her body.

Angel watched with longing as she scooped her clothing into her arms and walked into his bathroom. It took all of his willpower to keep from taking her like he so desperately wanted to. But he knew if he did, he wouldn't want to get out of bed all day long.

'I can wait, hold out,' he told himself. 'I have the rest of my life to be with Buffy. She knows that, she has to know that by now.'

***

Buffy looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked different somehow, felt different. 'I am different, I'm not the same person I was yesterday. Today, I am a woman, in every sense of the word. I made love last night with Angel. Oh, god. What does he think of me now? Does he think I'm some kind of a slut because I wanted him to touch me? Is that why he stopped kissing me? I disgust him?'

She peeled the bandage from her left cheek, throwing it into the garbage can. Looking back at the mirror, she was shocked. It healed completely. There were no remnants of her battle from the night before. She looked exactly as she had twenty-four hours earlier.

Climbing into the shower, Buffy turned on the water as hot as she could. It sprayed over her, warming her cold and sore body. The feeling felt so good; she closed her eyes and smiled, it reminded her of the warmth of being in Angel's arms all night long. And she lost herself in the memory of security in his embrace.

***

Down in the cafeteria, Angel poured two cups of coffee. He put them on the tray with the two bagels and containers of cream cheese. Before she went in the shower, Angel had promised Buffy he'd bring them both breakfast. He wasn't about to break any of his promises to her. Not ever.

"Hey, Osborne," one of the guys from the football team said. "Bit hungry today?"

Angel turned around, seeing three of his fellow teammates. "What's up?"

John McCormick laughed. "Better question. What's up with you? Never mind, we already know the answer to that one."

He narrowed his eyes. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Somebody got some last night," Drew Henderson said in a sing-song voice.

"Excuse me?"

"Finally gave in and decided to do Robin? Thought you were all Mr. Noble Guy these days. Guess a person can change and then change back. Looks like you did."

Angel shook his head. "You don't know anything about it, Drew. Keep your nose out of my business or I'll break it."

Drew snidely laughed at Angel's comment. "I know what I heard. My room is right next to yours, Osborne, and sound carries quite well through those thin walls. Gotta tell you one thing, Robin sure is a screamer. And a moaner. 'Oh, Angel.oh god, don't stop.oh yes yes yes!' Made for great entertainment. I hardly got any sleep last night thank to you two."John and Mark Jackson giggled. "I'll never be able to think of Robin the same way again," Mark commented.

"Screw you."

"From the sounds of it, you were the one doing the screwing last night. When the bed's a rockin', don't come a knockin'."

As he began to walk away, Angel heard one of them say, "Come to think of it, maybe it wasn't Robin after all. Osborne might have nailed someone else. Wonder who she is."

Careful not to drop the tray, he ran upstairs to his room. He closed the door softly behind him, echoing in the silence of the room. "Buffy?" he called, fearing that she'd left already.

"Present," she replied, stepping out of the bathroom.

She was dressed in her clothes from the night before, wrinkled and dirty though they were. Her wet hair cascaded past her shoulders, framing her face. Part of him was disappointed that she'd gotten dressed; he'd fantasized about her stepping out wearing only a towel and making love to her again before they left the room.

"I got us bagels and coffee," Angel told her.

"Thank you."

He placed the tray on the bed, which he made before he left, and sat down at the same time as Buffy did. She took a sip of coffee, but only picked at the bagel. The uncomfortable silence unnerved Angel to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. He needed to hear her voice, no matter what she was saying.

"You hate me, don't you? You regret what we did."

Her eyes snapped upward. "Why would think that?"

"Because you've barely looked at me since I came back and you've said less than five words in that time, too."

"I thought you hated me, that you didn't want to talk to me."

"No, Buffy, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. What on earth would make you think that?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Because of last night. I came on so strong and you didn't want to do it again but I made you and then this morning when you stopped kissing me.oh, god, I'm rambling."

Angel touched her cheek. "I love it when you ramble. Buffy, you didn't come on too strong. You didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. I would have kept on touching you all night if I could have, but you were so weak and tired. And this morning I was afraid I'd lose control if I didn't stop."

"It was nice, being able to lose control for once. God, I wanted to lose control again. The first part of it is still pretty much a blur, but what I remember.it was great."

"Every moment of it is etched in my memory. I'll never be able to forget it. You're right, it was great. I never felt so.complete in my life. It was you, Buffy. You made me feel that way."

She put her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"It's true."

"Then it's true for me, too. You made me feel complete. You made me whole again. I'll never be able to thank you enough."

"You already have. Just by being here."

***

25

Angel put the car in park in front of the high school shortly before eight. He turned to Buffy, who sat silently next to him in the passenger's seat. "Looks like this is the end of the road."

"Huh?"

"We're here. You still have to go to school, Buffy."

She nodded. "Yeah. I guess so."

"What's wrong? You know you don't have to keep secrets from me."

"I know. Angel, I'm afraid. What if I'm not me anymore? The Slayer, I mean. Can I go on the rest of my life just being Buffy Summers, Ordinary Girl?" she asked in a shaky voice. Her lower lip trembled.

"Of course you can. And I'll be here for you every step of the way. No matter what, Buffy, you can turn to me. I'll be a shoulder to cry on, a confidante, a friend. And if it comes to it, I'll protect you," Angel promised, gripping her hand tightly in his.

Buffy smiled slightly. "Thanks. I really appreciate it and it means so much coming from you, but I don't want to be coddled like a five year old."

"Maybe I want to coddle you. Maybe I want to keep you safe from anything that'll harm you. If it would have kept you safe, I would have let you stay in my bed all day; I'd have stayed there with you until I knew for a fact that you'd be protected from the outside world, that nothing would ever hurt you. Don't you get it, Buffy? I want to protect you. I - I want to be your knight in shining armor."

"You're really trying to rack up the bonus points, aren't you?" she teased.

"Is it working?"

Buffy nodded. "Oh yeah." She took a deep, tentative breath. "Am.am I still going to see you at the Bronze tonight?"

"I promised you I'd be there, and I refuse to break that promise to you. Or any promise for that matter." He put his hand under her chin, lifting it. "I think we need to talk about what's going to happen now."

She whole-heartedly agreed. "We do."

"But not now. Tonight. Right now you need to go to school. Go talk to Giles and find out what's going on with your powers. Or lack thereof."

"Okay."

Before Buffy stepped out of the car, Angel leaned over to kiss her. He didn't care who saw or what they might think. All he cared about was Buffy and keeping her with him for as long as possible. And keeping her safe.

"Buffy?" he called after she exited the car.

"Yeah?"

"I'll see you tonight."

Nodding, she closed the door and walked toward the main entrance of the school. She was so lost in her thoughts that she never noticed Harmony Kendall fall into step with her.

"Looks like we've got a new member of the club," she said to Buffy."

Buffy wasn't in the mood to deal with the stuck-up blonde girl. "What are you talking about, Harmony?"

"The Angel Cast-Off Club."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, Buffy, don't play dumb. I saw that kiss; hell, half the school probably saw it. It's pretty obvious that you slept with him, at least it is to me."

She shook her head. "We're friends." 'Can Angel and I really be just friends after last night? Is it possible?' she wondered.

"You don't have to be ashamed to admit he got you. He's good, anyone could fall for one of his lines. I know I did."

"Angel's not like that anymore," Buffy professed.

"Sure he isn't. Take it from someone who knows; forget every promise he made to you last night because he sure as hell did."

***

He found it impossible to pay attention during his Economics class that afternoon. His mind kept wandering to the previous night's events. No matter how hard he tried, Angel could not forget the pure bliss he'd felt when he'd made love to Buffy.

Halfway through class, he stopped paying attention altogether and simply let his mind float back to the night before.

// "Don't. Just kiss me."

Angel brought his hands to her back, covered only by the thin bedsheet wrapped around her. Her tongue darted in and out of his mouth, her arms wound around his waist, holding him tightly. She wanted him; no, she needed him. Buffy didn't care that it might hurt again, she knew deep inside that the pleasure would outweigh the pain this time around.

His hands roamed downward over her back, across her waist and down to the tips of her toes. Her legs were still clutched about his waist, and he undid them, bending her long limbs at the knees. Angel ran his hands along her muscled legs, over her calves, her knees, brushing across her thighs. The bedhseet went the way of his hands, scooped upward, exposing her to him and to his touch.

It was knotted on the left side, taking only seconds for him to loosen it. With his right hand he removed it from her body, letting it fall to the mattress in a heap. She was breathtakingly beautiful and completely open to him.

"You're so beautiful. Every inch of you is utterly perfect," he murmured. "I want to be the first to take you to the greatest heights of passion, someplace I could not bring you before."

Buffy put her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Then what are you waiting for? Take me there."

"Wake up, man," the student next to Angel said.

"What?"

The student laughed. "Class is over. You really were on another planet, weren't you?"

Angel shook his head. "No, just reliving the past."

"Whatever."

He gathered up his books and headed to the dorms. There was still a lot of things he had to do before he went to the Bronze that night. Like homework. 'Tonight,' he said to himself. 'I'm going to tell Buffy how I feel. I can't keep it in anymore. God, I feel like shouting it to the entire world. I love Buffy Summers!'

"There you are. Where have you been?"

Glancing up, Angel found himself face to face with Robin.

***

26

"Robin, hi. I - I didn't expect to see you," he stammered, not quite sure of what to say to his girlfriend.

She raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, obviously. What happened to you last night? I thought you said you were going to call me after Buffy left. You never did. I waited up until midnight."

"Sorry," Angel apologized. "I went to bed really early."

"Oh, okay. I guess I can forgive you."

It felt all wrong to him, having to lie to Robin. Why did he even need to? He loved Buffy, and after what they shared the night before, Angel felt secure that she felt the same way about him. There was no way he could continue to be with Robin if he was going to declare his feelings to Buffy that night. He had to do what he'd meant to do days earlier. "We need to talk."

Robin gazed at him curiously. "What is it, Angel? Is something wrong?"

"We shouldn't do it here, it's not appropriate."

"Who cares where we are? Just tell me."

Angel took a deep breath. "The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, Robin. You're a great person; funny, sweet, nice, pretty and I'm sure one day you'll be able to find a man who can love you. But I'm not him. You shouldn't be wasting your time with me."

"What are you talking about? I'm not wasting my time with you."

"There's no easy way to say this, so I might as well just say it. I don't love you, at least not the way you deserve to be loved. It's not fair for you to be stuck in a relationship with someone who'll never be able to love you the way you should be loved."

Robin didn't say anything for a long time. "So, this is it? You're breaking up with me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "You don't have to apologize, Angel. You found someone else; you love her, right?"

"Yeah…I do. But I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't. It's Buffy, isn't it?" Robin asked.

"What?"

"Tell me the truth. I know it's her, you don't need to hide it anymore."

Angel nodded his head solemnly. She would have found out soon enough. "You're right. I've fallen in love with Buffy."

"Does she know yet?"

"I don't know. She should know, at least I hope she does. But I'm going to tell her tonight." He looked at her expressionless face. "You don't seem shocked or mad or even the least bit surprised by this. Why?"

"Because deep down, I think I knew how you felt all along. Part of me tried to deny what I saw happening between you two, but I pushed it away. I thought 'I'll just give him some time. He'll fall in love with me, I know it.' Then you wouldn't make love to me. Finally, when I told you I loved you the other day and you didn't say it back, the horrible reality of it came crashing down. I knew for certain," Robin explained.

"If you knew I'd never feel the same, why didn't you break up with me? Why put yourself through that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I wanted to be with you for as long as you'd have me. I was selfish, keeping you away from the girl you really love. But I'm okay with it now. You deserve to be with the one you love. Go tell her how you feel."

"I wish things had worked out differently for us. You were my first real girlfriend," Angel said to her. "I'll never forget that."

"And you're the first man I ever truly loved and lost. Do you think that we can ever be friends?" Robin wanted to know.

Angel hugged her. "Most definitely."

***

"You slept with her?" Oz exclaimed over the telephone two hours later.

Even though his cousin couldn't see him, Angel nodded. "Yeah. It's not like I planned it or something, it just sort of happened."

"What do you mean by 'sort of'? How did it happen?"

"Come on, Oz, you know how it happens."

"Okay, fine. What precipitated it?"

"She got attacked by a vampire near campus and I helped her calm down. We kissed and one thing led to another. And…and it was wonderful; we made love three times last night."

Oz whistled. "Sounds like you two went at it like the Energizer Bunnies. Nice timing, too, Angel."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, had it happened two days ago, you could have been arrested for statutory rape. Good thing you waited until she turned eighteen."

"You really do think I planned it, don't you?" accused Angel. "Because I didn't."

"No, I don't think you planned it. I'm just saying that you lucked out that it happened when it did. What is gonna happen now? You're still with Robin, aren't you?"

"I broke it off with her this afternoon. I'm sick to death of pretending to be the dutiful boyfriend. But Robin took it well. She knew all along but was waiting for me to admit it. And I did."

"Was it what you expected? Being with Buffy like that?"

"Oh yeah, better than I ever dreamed of. I've had sex before, with lots of other girls, but nothing felt quite like it was with Buffy. I was near heaven for the first time ever. It was weird. I've never been concerned with how the girl felt when we've had sex. It was always about me and making me feel good. This time, though…I didn't care about myself. All I could think of was making her enjoy it. It was perfection, Oz. Every time she moaned or smiled or laughed or cried or even moved, I knew I made her feel that way, I did it. I was her first and I want to be her last. I want to be it all for her."

Oz cleared his throat. "Is Buffy aware?"

"You mean have I told her that I love and want to be with her? No, not to her face. I said it last night, but she was already asleep in my arms. That's where you come in. Oz, I need your advice. How do I tell her?" Angel asked. "How did you tell Willow?"

"Don't go by me. I said it to Willow last June when she woke up from a coma."

"I want to tell her at the Bronze tonight."

"It may be cheesy, but ask her to dance and then tell her. And I mean a slow dance, not a crazy fast dance where you're all over the floor and are crashing into people. In fact, I've got the perfect song. I'll have Devon and the guys play it tonight."

***

"How did it go with Giles today?" Willow asked Buffy when she arrived at the Bronze. "Did you find out what's wrong with you?"

Buffy nodded. "Every Slayer loses her power when she turns eighteen. It's a test of Slayer strength or something; to fight a vampire without any strength and having to use only our wits. But he said it's null and void now because the vamp I was supposed to fight had to be staked by its captors or something like that. Giles said I should be getting back my strength within the week."

"That's great news. See? You were all worried for nothing."

"I guess so. It's nice to know I'll be back to normal again in a few days."

While Willow told her about the dinner she and Oz went to with her parents, Buffy thought about Angel. He promised to meet her there so that they could talk about what had happened between them. Was friendship the only thing in the cards for them after their passionate night together? Buffy hoped there would be more to it than that.

During the day, she admitted to herself that she couldn't be just friends with him. Long before they'd ever slept together, Buffy had fallen hard for him. Friendship wasn't going to cut it any longer. And she had every intention of telling him so. Only one thing stood in their way: Robin McNamara. Buffy couldn't allow herself to be with Angel as long as Robin was in the picture.

"Earth to Buffy," Willow said, trying to get her attention.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

Willow laughed. "You must have been a million miles away. What on earth were think thinking about?"

'About Angel; being with him. His body on top of mine, kissing me, touching me, making me feel so much ecstasy…' "Nothing really important."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

The redhead looked over at the door. She saw Angel, sharply dressed in black trousers and a while button-down shirt, enter the club. "Hey, Angel's here. Where's Robin? I thought they always came here together."

Buffy whirled her head to the right, catching sight of Angel smiling brightly at Cordelia Chase only a few feet from the door. Her heart fell when the other girl wrapped her arms around him, kissing him firmly on the lips. What made it worse was that Angel seemed to be responding to her.

Tears filled her eyes. 'I never meant a damn thing to him. What was I, just another one of his conquests? I thought we made love; he told me he cared about me. Was it all just a lie to get me in his bed? How could Angel have done this to me? He was supposed to love me, not use me.' Without a word to her best friend across the table, Buffy grabbed her purse and ran out of the Bronze. She breezed past Angel and Cordelia, still locked in their embrace.

Willow chased after her outside, catching up halfway down the alley. She had no idea why she ran away. "What's wrong, Buffy? Why did you take off like that?"

"I have to get out of here, Will," Buffy replied, tears running down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Then she realized that Buffy had taken off when she saw Angel. "Did something happen between you and Angel?"

"I can't talk about it. I - I have to go home."

"Buffy, what's wrong? Did he do something or say something to you that upset you?"

Buffy let out a sob. "Just what you said he would. I should have listened to you, Willow. I should have taken your advice right from the start. Then I wouldn't be here, crying in the alley over him."

"What are you talking about?"

"He used me!" she screeched. "Are you happy now? I was a complete idiot. I fell for it, the 'I care for you' line he uses. We slept together last night and now he's already moved on to someone else. Cordelia, of all people. I was nothing to him apparently."

Willow shook her head. "No way. He wouldn't do that to you. You're his best friend, he wouldn't treat you like that."

"He would, he could and he did. And do you know what the worst part is? I fell in love with him," Buffy admitted, ashamed.

"Buffy –"

"I can't do this." She took off down the alley, running toward her house. All she could think about the entire way home was how stupid she was for believing that Angel might have felt the same way about her.

**

27

Angel took a nervous breath before setting foot inside the Bronze. It was the moment he'd been waiting for for months. His heart raced and his palms began to sweat in anticipation of what would happen. He knew that in the next hour he'd either be the luckiest man alive or the most broken hearted. The outcome all depended on Buffy.

'It's now or never,' he told himself. 'The rest of my life pretty much depends on how Buffy reacts when I tell her. Here goes.'

He walked through the doors, the loud strumming of Oz's band invading his ears. The club wasn't nearly as crowded as he thought it would be, but it was still early in the evening. He stopped just inside the entrance, scanning the building for Buffy. When he found her sitting at a table with Willow, Angel took a step toward them.

Unfortunately, Cordelia Chase blocked his path. "Hi, Angel. Fancy meeting you here."

"Yeah. Excuse me, but I have to find Buffy."

"You know, I got my letter of acceptance from UC Sunnydale this afternoon. Looks like we'll be attending together next year," she told him.

"Congratulations, Cordelia. Maybe I'll see you around campus," Angel said with a smile. He wanted to get away from her as quickly as possible and make his way over to Buffy.

She grinned. "Oh, definitely. You can give me a personalized tour next week if you'd like. Preferably on Friday night around eight, preceded by dinner at a nice restaurant."

He knew what she wanted, and he wasn't biting her bait. "I really gotta get going. Not that I wouldn't love to chat, but I'm supposed to be meeting Buffy. I don't want to keep her waiting," he explained.

"She can wait another minute. Aren't you at least going to give me a congratulatory kiss?" Cordelia asked slyly.

"I don't think that's such a good idea –"

Angel was interrupted by the brunette putting her arms around his neck, bringing her lips to his. She was being forward and she didn't care in the least that he was meeting Buffy. For years she'd been waiting for Angel Osborne to notice her, and she was not about to let the opportunity to kiss him pass her by.

Out of the corner of his eye, Angel caught sight of Buffy running out of the club. He saw the tears falling down her cheeks, and he knew right then and there that she had seen the kiss. Willow was chasing after her. 'Shit. Now I've really gone and done it. I need to talk to her, explain what happened.'

But Cordelia's lips were still pressed against his. He pushed on her shoulders, separating their faces by inches. She smirked. "I know you felt it, too. I have wanted to do that since I was fourteen. Come on, let's dance."

Angel shook his head. "No. Look, Cordelia, I don't know what you think is going to happen or what you want to happen, but I'm setting you straight right here and now. I don't feel anything for you. I don't even like being in the same room with you. Do us both a favor and just keep your distance from me."

"And here I thought you had some taste. You don't like being around me, but you hang around Buffy Summers like a lovesick puppy. You're sick, and you'll always be sick," Cordelia retorted. "Why be with a freak when you can be with me?"

He didn't even bother with a reply. She wasn't worth the effort. Besides, Angel had more important things to worry about, like finding Buffy. He ran back outside the Bronze into the alley. He found Willow standing fifteen feet from the door, staring after Buffy as she ran away from the club.

"What's going on, Willow? Where's Buffy going?" he asked.

Willow turned around, shooting daggers at Angel with a single glare. "Why do you think she's running away? You were kissing Cordelia Chase."

"I never meant to kiss Cordelia. I never even wanted to."

"Why should I believe you? Why should Buffy believe you? I can't believe you would treat her like that. She's supposed to be your best friend and you used her for your own pleasure. And here I thought you'd changed; I even defended you to her. I don't care if you are Oz's cousin, you're a pervert," she shouted at him.

Angel's mouth fell agape. "Buffy thinks I used her?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Not after everything I said to her. This can't be happening, not now. Why is this happening to me?"

"Probably because you brought it all on yourself. You and your hormones," Willow accused. "Not only did you destroy Buffy, but you cheated on your girlfriend. You're such a jerk!"

"I completely agree with you, I am a jerk. And I did cheat on Robin with Buffy, but you are wrong about me using Buffy. I would never hurt her like that."

Willow remained unconvinced by his words. "Well, guess what, Angel? You did!"

"Do you honestly think I wanted to hurt her? I didn't. You have to believe me, Willow. I made love to Buffy, I broke up with Robin this afternoon and I came here tonight with the intention of telling Buffy that I love her. Yeah, that's right, I love her. But I got cornered by Cordelia and she kissed me. I didn't want her to, but she did. If you still aren't convinced that my feelings for Buffy are true, you can ask Oz. He knows exactly how I feel."

She was quiet for several moments. His confession seemed honest; Willow could tell by the look of desperation and pleading in Angel's eyes that he was telling her the truth. "She saw you kissing Cordelia and thought it meant that she was just another one of your one-night stands."

"No. No, I could never do that to her. Being with her last night meant everything to me and then some. She thinks I'm the biggest asshole on the face of the planet, doesn't she?" he asked.

"She's hurt. I think you'd better talk to her and explain things."

Angel nodded. "I'm going to. Did she head home?"

"Yeah, I think so."

***

Buffy slammed the front door behind her. She was still crying and very much upset after the scene she witnessed at the Bronze. It was her own fault for believing Angel's promises, Buffy believed. She'd brought it all on herself when she told him not to stop. Wiping away her tears, she put her purse on the table near the stairs.

"Hi, honey," her mother greeted, entering the hallway.

Buffy looked up. "I didn't know you were home. I thought you were still in San Francisco doing the art-buying thing."

"I came home early. I felt bad for being away on your birthday."

"You didn't have to come home. It's just any other day. Only difference is that I got a year older yesterday."

Mrs. Summers smiled at her daughter. "My baby turned eighteen. You're growing up so quickly."

'Quicker than you think,' Buffy thought. "Big deal."

"Did you do anything special last night? Maybe go out with Willow or Angel or something?"

Buffy flinched at the mention of Angel's name. "No."

"What did you do?"

"I grew up," Buffy answered honestly.

A knock on the door caused Buffy to jump. Through the peephole, she saw Angel standing on the front porch, looking away from the door into the darkness.

"Who is it, Buffy?" Mrs. Summers asked.

"Angel. Mom, tell him I'm not home."

"Why? He's your best friend. Why don't you want to talk to him?"

Buffy ran up the stairs in a hurry. "Just tell him, Mom. Please," she begged.

Sighing, Mrs. Summers opened the door. "Hello, Angel."

He fidgeted nervously. "Hi, Mrs. Summers. I thought you were out of town this week."

"I came home a day early."

"Oh. Is Buffy home? I really need to talk to her."

She shook her head. "No, I haven't seen her today. She might be at the Bronze or out patrolling," Mrs. Summers lied.

"She's not at the Bronze. Thanks anyway. Could you have her call me when she gets home? It's really important."

"I will."

"Bye."

Mrs. Summers headed straight for her daughter's bedroom. She entered without knocking, finding Buffy standing in front of her window, staring into the backyard. "Why did you make me lie to Angel?"

"I couldn't look at him," Buffy answered without bothering to turn around.

"Did you two have a fight?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Then, what?" She put her arms on Buffy's shoulder, forcing her daughter to face her. Seeing the tears in her eyes, Mrs. Summers knew something had happened. "Why are you crying, honey? Did he say something nasty to you that upset you?"

"He didn't say anything."

"Why are you crying then? He did something that's making you cry, I know it. Why won't you tell me?"

Buffy sniffled. "Because you'll be mad at me. I got myself into this mess, I have to suffer the consequences of my actions."

"Actions? Consequences? What happened?" When Buffy looked down at the floor and refused to make eye contact, Mrs. Summers knew without having to be told outright. "Oh, Buffy."

"I made a mistake."

"When did it happen?"

She bit her lip. "Last night. I - I didn't plan for it to happen, honest, but I didn't exactly say no when it did either. And I thought Angel loved me, or at least cared enough about me, but he didn't. He used me," Buffy explained, trying to hold back her sobs.

"How do you know he used you?"

"I saw him tonight at the Bronze. Kissing Cordelia Chase. If having sex with me had meant anything to him, he wouldn't have been making out with her the next night. I was nothing to him."

"Was he the first?" She shook her head. "No. Wait. I don't want to know. I don't *think* I want to know."

"Yes, Angel was the first. The only."

"That's a relief."

"I knew exactly what his reputation was and I let myself get suckered in anyway. I thought when you turned eighteen, you're supposed to get all wise and stuff. And what did I do on my eighteenth birthday? Make the biggest mistake of my life."

"You made a mistake; an error in judgement."

"I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I slept with him and he used me for sex! You call that an error in judgement?" Buffy asked.

Mrs. Summers took her daughter in her arms, letting her cry. "You can't blame yourself for this, honey. If he can't stand by you after that, then he doesn't deserve you in the first place."

"I love him, Mom," Buffy whimpered. "I love him. I love him and he hurt me."

"It'll be okay."

"Make the pain stop."

Mrs. Summers ran her hand through her daughter's blonde hair. "It'll go away on its own. Just give it some time," she comforted.

***

28

After yet another failed attempt to contact Buffy, Angel hung up the telephone, dejected. He'd been trying for a week to talk to her, but Mrs. Summers said she either wasn't home or couldn't come to the phone. It was a lie, he knew it. Oz had told him that Buffy rarely left the house anymore except to patrol or go to Willow's house. She turned herself into a recluse because of his stupidity.

It wasn't as though he hadn't seen her since the day after her birthday. The day before, he had skipped his World History class so he could catch a glimpse of her as she left school. She looked as beautiful as ever in a white tank top and a knee-length pink skirt. And there had also been nights when he would stand in her backyard looking into her bedroom window. Angel didn't care that his behavior was mirroring that of a stalker, he simply needed to see her.

He picked up a picture from his night stand, laid back on his bed and stared at it. The two of them at Homecoming back in September, back when the only thing that existed between them was friendship. Before he'd told Buffy about his past, before he fell in love with her, before Robin entered the picture and long before their one passion-filled night together.

"Please, Buffy, I only want to talk to you and explain things," Angel said to the picture. "You weren't just some girl to me, you were the only girl. You still are. I want to make things right but I can't do that unless you talk to me."

Putting the picture face-down on his chest, Angel closed his eyes, allowing tears to escape from the corners of them. The pillows still smelled of her shampoo, he could see her in his mind's eye, wrapped up in his sheets in an attempt to hide her nakedness from him, kissing and stroking him as they made love in that very bed. She had been perfection that night and had given him hope of one day reaching heaven, but only in her arms.The ringing of his telephone awakened him from his reverie. Had Buffy changed her mind and decided to call him back? Angel grabbed the phone on the third ring. "Buffy? Is that you?"

"Sorry, man. It's just me," Oz answered. He knew how desperate his cousin was to talk to her, and felt sorry about all the pain he was going through.

"Oh. Hi, Oz," he replied half-heartedly.

"Well, don't sound so excited to hear from me."

Angel let out a short breath. "Sorry. I just hoped."

"That I was Buffy?" Oz finished.

"Yep."

"Still no word from her yet?"

"Not one. You know the deal, I call up and supposedly she's not home or is too busy to talk to me or whatever other excuse Mrs. Summers uses."

"Have you tried to talk to her in person?"

Angel shook his head. "No. She's never out. Buffy doesn't go to the Bronze anymore and I don't know where she patrols, so that really limits it. I know that if I go right to her front door, her mother will tell me she's not there. I - I saw her yesterday, though."

"Where?"

"In front of the high school. She was leaving the building with Willow and Xander and I watched from across the street. Oz, this is killing me! Buffy hates me. The girl I love hates me because of a big misunderstanding."

Oz felt his pain. Never in his life had he seen his cousin so miserable, even after the incident with Katie a year earlier in Indiana. "I don't know what to tell you except that maybe you'll have to make her listen."

"Make her listen?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Get her alone where she can't run away or hide from you and force her to listen to what you have to say. And don't hold back anything, Angel. Tell her everything she needs to know," Oz suggested.

The suggestion gave Angel and idea. "Oz, you're a genius. I owe you big time for this!"

***

"How have you been holding up?" Willow asked the next afternoon at her house. They sat across from each other on Willow's bed.

Buffy shrugged. "Alright, I guess. Have to take it one day at a time. Just keeping my mind off things, especially the night of my birthday."

"Maybe you should talk to him. You might be surprised by what you hear."

"No," she replied, vehemently shaking her head. "I can't even think about him without wanting to cry. Willow, I thought all the pain would stop. A-Angel was supposed to make me feel better and it's worse than when it started. I've never felt this bad in my life."

Willow couldn't stand to see Buffy so distraught. She wanted to tell her the real reason why Angel was kissing Cordelia, but doubted her best friend would believe her. Besides, Buffy needed to hear it from Angel, not her. "It's not as bad as you think, trust me on this."

"How can you say that? I had sex with him; I gave him everything I had, everything I was and he threw it away in the garbage like it was nothing. Sleeping with me was something he thought was fun."

"It never occurred to you that he might actually feel something for you?" Willow asked.

"Sure. He slept with me because he loves me," she said sarcastically.

"Maybe he does."

Buffy took a deep breath. "No. If he loved me, Angel wouldn't have been kissing Cordelia. I don't know who to trust anymore. Can any man be trusted? 'Cause every guy I've dated has either used me or dumped me."

"It'll all work out for the best. Just wait and see."

***

"What did you do at Willow's house?" Mrs. Summers wanted to know when Buffy returned home after dinner.

"She and I sat around and talked. Nothing really exciting."

"Angel called, you know. Again."

Buffy shrugged and looked down. "That's nice."

"Honey, he's called every day for the past week, three or four times a day. And I understand that you are under the impression that he knowingly hurt you, but I get the idea that he wants to apologize for the way he acted."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because he keeps calling. If he wanted nothing more to do with you, Buffy, he wouldn't keep trying to get in touch with you. I think it would be nice if you returned his call, just to find out what he wants."

Buffy couldn't believe her mother would suggest such a thing. "You don't understand at all. You have no idea what I'm going through or how much it hurts!"

"You're right, I don't know and I don't understand. Something like this has never happened to me. But I hate seeing you like this, so hurt and miserable. You've become a different person; you stay in all the time and you're distancing yourself from everyone and everything."

"What are you getting at, Mom?"

"Perhaps if you confront Angel about what happened, get it out in the open, you'll feel better. Then maybe you can get on with your life."

She shook her head. "I don't want to get on with my life. I want to forget it ever happened. I want to forget that I ever met him, that I ever fell in love with him and that I ever let him touch me."

"Buffy -"

"I'm going upstairs. Leave me alone."

She sat in her room, staring at her books. Nothing was sinking in, no matter how much she tried. To concentrate. 'Get on with my life.ha! Like that's going to happen. I just have to keep remembering to forget.'

At eight-thirty five, Mrs. Summers pounded on her daughter's bedroom door.

"Buffy! Come out here. You have to see this!"

Jumping off her bed, Buffy ran downstairs. "What is it?"

She didn't need her mother to answer her question. As soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs, she knew why she'd been called.

"This Romeo is bleeding but you can't see his blood. It's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up. It's been raining since you left me, now I'm drowning in the flood," Angel sang from the driveway in an off-key voice. "You see, I've always been a fighter, but without you I give up. Now I can't sing a love song like the way it's meant to be. Well I guess I'm not that good anymore, but, baby, that's just me."

She stood at the bottom of the stairs unmoving. She turned to her mother, who was standing in front of the picture window in the living room, watching Angel sing. "Did you set this up?" Buffy demanded.

"No, I didn't. He showed up five minutes ago."

"Why?" Buffy asked softly. "Why is he doing this? Hasn't he hurt me enough for one century?"

Angel continued to sing. "And I will love you, baby, always. And I'll be there forever and a day. Always. I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine, 'til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme. No matter when I die you'll be on my mind, and I love you always."

Nobody had even acknowledged his presence, yet Angel knew for a fact that both Buffy and her mother were home. Oz had told him to make her listen to him, and that was exactly what he was doing. She couldn't get away from him in her own home. And if the only way to get Buffy to talk to him was to serenade her, Angel would do it, even if he did sound horrible. He'd do anything.

"Now your pictures that you left behind are just memories of a different life; some that made us laugh, some that made us cry, one that made you have to say goodbye. What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair, touch your lips, to hold you near. And when you say your prayers try to understand I've made mistakes, I'm just a man."

Buffy couldn't take it anymore, she'd had enough. She opened the front door and stepped out onto the front porch. "Stop it!" she screamed at Angel. "Just stop!"

"Buffy, let me explain," he started.

She shook her head. "Don't. I don't want to hear you try to justify your actions. Go away."

"There are things you don't know, don't understand. I want to tell you."

"Oh, I think I understand pretty well. You decided to go a different route this time with your little game. Get naïve little Buffy to be your friend and have her trust you before you take her heart and trample all over it?"

Angel shook his head. "That's not it at all. You should know differently. I'm not like that, I changed, remember? I'm not that same guy."

"I remember you telling me that, but why should I believe you?"

"Because it's the truth!"

"No. What was I, just another notch on your bedpost? Another exciting entry in that journal of yours?" she shot. "This must have been real fun for you, a challenge even. You're supposed to be my best friend. Why? Was it just a joke? To make me fall in love with you and then.I've dated a lot of guys. I've never been humiliated by one before."

It took him a second for it all to register in his mind. "Humiliated? I never set out to humiliate you."

"Well, you did. Privately and publicly. It wasn't enough for you to use me because you haven't gotten any in a year, you had to go and do this? Make me look like an idiot in front of my entire neighborhood?"

"I had to make you hear me."

"I heard you. Half of Sunnydale probably heard you."

"Did you? Did you really hear what I was trying to say?"

"All I heard was you doing a bad rendition of a really good song. What was I supposed to be hearing?" she asked.

"I was trying to tell you how I feel. It wasn't obvious? You couldn't tell by that song that I love you?"

Buffy balled her hands into fists. "Another cruel joke of yours, Angel? Well, I'm not buying it this time. Stay away from me, I mean it. Don't call me, don't come by my house and if you see me walking down the street, don't even make eye contact."

Angel watched helplessly as Buffy ran back inside her house, slamming the door behind her. He thought for sure it would work; that she'd be moved by his display and let him tell her how he felt. But things never went the way he wanted them to. Slumping down on the Summers' front porch, Angel buried his head in his hands.

Mrs. Summers had been watching him for twenty minutes while he sat here. She went outside, looming over him. "It's getting chilly out, Angel. You should go before you get sick."

"I don't care. Nothing matters anymore. Buffy doesn't want to see me ever again."

"Try putting yourself in her shoes," she suggested.

"I've been in her shoes and I know what it's like. I didn't want her to feel like I did when it happened to me. She's the most precious thing in the world to me," he admitted. "I have to convince her."

Mrs. Summers sat down on the step above him. "It won't be easy. Buffy's not very trusting."

Angel turned his head toward her, the tears apparent in his brown eyes. "I didn't use her, Mrs. Summers. Every word I said to her that night was true, every promise that I made I meant with my whole heart. What she saw was a big misunderstanding. I love her."

"She's hurting."

"I know. Can you answer something for me?"

"I'll try."

"Buffy. Does she." He paused. "She said she fell in love with me. Was.was she telling the truth? Does she really love me?"

She nodded. "Yes, she loves you. I think that's what's making it harder for her."

"I thought by singing her that song she'd figure out how I feel."

"You might want to be a little more subtle. If you want to gain her trust again, you'll have to find another way."

"I will. If it's the last thing I do, I'll make Buffy see that my feelings for her are real," Angel vowed.

***

29

"Is everything alright, Angel?" his mother asked Saturday night at the dinner table. "You seem sullen."

"I'm okay. Been better."

Three days after his confrontation with Buffy, Angel had all but given up hope of her ever forgiving him. He stopped calling her house and hadn't attempted to see her. In his mind, there was no point in trying to convince her when she obviously didn't want to hear it. He'd never get over her, but no longer wanted to fight a losing battle.

Mrs. Osborne shook her head at his reply. "I think you've been working yourself too hard this semester. You need to get out and have some fun; be like all those other college kids your age. Take Robin out for a nice dinner or something."

"We broke up, Mom," Angel reminded her. "Last week, remember?"

"Then take Buffy."

His pulse jumped at the mention of her name. "I don't think so."

"Don't tell me you two are having a fight."

"We are. Sort of. Can we just drop the subject? I'm not in the mood."

"What are you and Buffy fighting about?" Mr. Osborne wanted to know. It wasn't like his son not to want to talk about Buffy. She was all he ever talked about.

"Stupid stuff."

Mr. Osborne narrowed his eyes. "What kind of stupid stuff? Was it something bad? Did you hurt her or did she hurt you?"

Slowly, Angel nodded. "I hurt her. She saw something and took it to mean something different than it really was. And now she never wants to see me again."

"She's just angry," Mrs. Osborne consoled. "Give her time to cool down and she'll forgive you."

"What did you do, Angel?"

He met his father's gaze. "I'll give you one guess, Dad. It's not hard to figure out."

Mr. Osborne knew what Angel was getting at. "No," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Not to her. Tell me you didn't do that to Buffy."

"I didn't, but she thinks I did. She - she saw me kissing a girl the next day and assumed it meant I didn't care about her."

Angel's mother was confused. She didn't know what her son and husband were talking about. "Would one of you please tell me what's going on?"

He took a deep breath. "Almost two weeks ago, I - I had sex with Buffy. And now she thinks I only used her."

She couldn't believe her ears; his revelation shocked her. Her baby boy, having sex? "You are having sex with her?"

"It only happened one night."

"Why would Buffy think you used her?"

Angel paused before answering. "Because that's what I do, Mom. I - I have a reputation for using girls for sex and then leaving them the next day." It was about time he was open and honest with his mother. He'd been hiding it from her for too long.

"Not my baby boy," she denied. "My sweet little Angel would not do that to people. You're a good Catholic boy."

"What do you think has been going on with me for the past six years? Teen rebellion? I haven't been your pristine, pure little boy for a very long time. Ever since I was fourteen I've been having sex!" he shouted at his mother. "You said you wondered why I never brought my girlfriends home to meet you. I never brought them here because they never lasted more than one or two dates. As soon as I got them in bed, that was it. I'd never go out with them again."

"I thought your father and I brought you up better than that. This is all my fault. I spent all my time with your brother when he was sick and I neglected you," she blamed herself. "And this is how you turned out.

You're punishing us."

He closed his eyes, then opened them again. "It has nothing to do with you or Dad or Brandon's death. I brought it on all by myself, no one else. But I changed. I stopped it and cleaned up my act because I realized that all actions have consequences. A girl killed herself because I couldn't keep my hormones in check; because I wanted nothing to do with her the next morning.

"It made me take a hard look at myself and the life I was leading, and I grew up from that experience. I hated what I saw, so I came back home to start fresh. That's when I met Buffy. She didn't care about my past or the wretched things I've done. Somehow, she managed to look past all of it and see the real me. And I fell in love with her. Hopelessly and painfully in love. But I figured she'd never feel the same way about me, so I never told her. I started dating Robin, and then on the night of Buffy's birthday I stopped fighting what I felt for her and.and we made love that night.

"The next day I broke up with Robin and planned to tell Buffy that I wanted to be with her. I never got the chance because one of her classmates decided that night would be a good time to make a move on me. She kissed me and Buffy saw, thinking I had only used her. The other night, I finally admitted to her that I love her, but she didn't believe me; she thought it was just another cruel joke I was playing on her. See, she fell in love with me, too. And now the one person who matters the most to me feels nothing but hatred for me. And I can't find it in my heart to blame her for it."

Mrs. Osborne looked at her husband. "Did you know about this, David?"

"Yes. Not all of it, but I knew about the girls and what he did to them."

She stood up from the table. "My own son.is.is.I don't even think there's a word for what you are."

"Male slut is the phrase I use," Angel said.

"Fine. All these years, people in Sunnydale have been laughing at this family. How could you do that?" she demanded. "Why? What did you find so appealing about hurting those girls?"

He hung his head in shame. "I don't know why I did it. I was young and stupid and it's all I knew how to do. But I'm not like that anymore, I swear it. I've changed."

"I certainly hope you have changed. All these years I thought you were a good boy, waiting for Miss Right. And I thought you were saving yourself for her. Turns out my baby boy is a womanizer. Answer me something. Do your father and I have grandchildren out there somewhere?"

"No," Angel replied. "I've always been safe. Mom, I'm sorry."

"You should be. Did you mean it when you said you love Buffy?" Mrs. Osborne asked.

He nodded. "Yes. There's no part of her that I don't love."

"Then make her hear it, even if she doesn't want to see or hear from you."

"I tried that and she got mad at me, she wouldn't listen. Buffy hates me, not that I blame her."

"Try again. And again. If you love her as much as you say you do, you won't give up. Make her see."

***

Mrs. Summers opened the front door, finding Angel on the other side. "Hi, Angel."

"Hi. Is Buffy home?"

"No, she and Willow are out on patrol. Why? You aren't going to sing to her again, are you? She's really not home this time."

He shook his head. "No. I'm taking your advice and I am going with the subtle approach this time. If I leave something with you, could you see to it that Buffy gets it?"

"Of course."

Angel handed her a square package wrapped in newspaper. "Thank you."

"Good luck."

He smiled. "I'm hoping I won't need it."

***

"It's been kinda quiet out lately," Willow observed as she and Buffy cut through Weatherly Park during patrol.

Buffy nodded in agreement. "No undead nasties to bother me. Only the live ones."

"Buffy."

"I know, I know. I'm getting over it, really I am. Haven't thought about what's-his-name in almost twenty minutes. Verging on a new record for me."

"Are you really that angry with him?" Willow asked. "Or are you angry at yourself?"

Buffy stopped walking. "Of course I'm angry at him! Wouldn't you be?"

"Yeah. But maybe you don't know the whole story."

"Oh, I know the whole story. I was there for all of it. I know that he pretended to be my friend, I know that I trusted him and loved him. I know that I lost my virginity to him and I know that he found someone else the next day because I was nothing more to him than a quick roll in the hay."

They heard a rustling in the bushes in front of them. Buffy pulled out her stake, ready to fight. When she saw who it was, she didn't bother to put it down.

"Hi, Willow," Angel said sheepishly. "Hi, Buffy."

Willow smiled at him. "Angel, hi. How are you?"

He caught Buffy's eye, though she looked away. "I've had better days. You?"

"I'm okay."

"Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?" Buffy said angrily. "There's a law against stalking, you know."

"I - I'm sorry, but I wasn't following you," he stuttered. "I was on my way home and I heard voices. I wanted to make sure there wasn't trouble."

"And what would you do? You can't fight a vampire without weapons, which I'm sure you don't have. Besides, there's no trouble. You should have turned away when you saw it was me and Willow. I told you before to stay away from me and I meant it. The next time you come within ten feet of me I will put this stake right through your chest, I don't care if your heart is beating or not," she threatened. "Consider yourself warned."

He sighed. He didn't have it in him to fight. "Willow, I'll see you around."

"Bye."

After he'd walked away, Buffy turned on her friend. "I can't believe you were nice to him, after all he's done to me!"

"He doesn't deserve to be treated like dirt."

"Angel is dirt! He is the lowest form of human life on this planet. I hope he gets what's coming to him. In fact, I hope a vampire attacks him on the way home and turns him so I can dust him myself and put an end to his miserable existence once and for all."

That clinched it for Willow. There was no way she could listen to it anymore. "Shut up, Buffy. You and I need to have a talk right now. And you are going to listen to every word I have to say."

***

30

Buffy stood still in shock as her best friend yelled at her. Never in the two years she'd known Willow had she ever raised her voice. Lifting her eyebrows, she replied, "Okay."

"I am sick to death of hearing you say all those mean things about Angel. Yes, I know that you think he hurt you and used you and doesn't care about you, but you are wrong! News flash, Buffy! You don't know everything there is to know. You've been moping around for the past week and a half to two weeks about how hurt and betrayed you feel. But you're not the only one who's hurting. Angel is too."

"Why would he be hurting? He was the one dishing it out, not receiving it," Buffy interrupted. "He has no reason to hurt."

Willow glared at her, silencing the blonde Slayer with her resolve face. "It's not like that at all. He's in love with you, has been for months now."

"Is that what he told you? Because I wouldn't put it past him to lie about it."

"I was told by both Angel and Oz. And I saw it with my own two eyes. He's not lying about anything, he genuinely loves you, any idiot can see that. Except you, that is."

"Are you calling me an idiot, Willow?" Buffy demanded. "I thought you were supposed to be my friend."

She raised her eyebrows. "I am your friend, and it's because I am that I'm calling you an idiot. Why can't you open your eyes and see what's right in front of your face?"

"My eyes are open."

"Then why don't you see it?"

"See what?"

Willow exhaled heavily. "Angel! God, it's all right in front of you, but you refuse to see it. How could you not have seen the devastated look on his face when you said to stay away? You're breaking his heart, Buffy."

"Like he broke mine?" she shot back.

"Would he call you and look for you and follow you or even serenade you with a beautiful love song if he had simply used you? Answer me honestly. Do you think he'd do all that if you were just any girl?" Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Try no. Given his reputation, why would he bother? Why waste the time when he could be finding his next victim?"

"He did find his next victim, Will. Cordelia Chase. Or have you forgotten that I saw him kissing her the day after my birthday?"

She shook her head. "You don't know what you saw. You only think you know, but you don't."

"I saw it with my own eyes. He was kissing her. His lips were on hers, her hands were on him.I don't even want to know what other kind of touching was going on." She paused. "It hurts too much to think about."

"Then I'll tell you what really happened. Angel didn't kiss Cordelia, she kissed him. Buffy, you yourself told me that she'd been flirting with him and coming on to him. For instance, New Year's Eve at the Winter Carnival. What did he say to you about her?"

"That she's not his type," Buffy answered in a low voice. "But things change overnight."

"And she still isn't. Angel never wanted to kiss her. He went to the Bronze that night to tell you how much he loves you, but Cordelia got in his way. She kissed him and you saw and you ran away before he got the chance to explain. He's been trying to apologize since that night, but you never want to listen. You've been treating him like.like crap for all that time when all he wants is to be with you. Are you finally getting it, Buffy? He's in love with you, not Cordelia or anyone else."

Buffy slowly sat herself down on a nearby bench. She looked up at her friend, her green eyes glassy with tears. "Is all that true?"

Willow sat down next to her and nodded. "Every word. I'd never lie to you, Buffy. Especially about something like that."

"Angel loves me? He really wants to be with me?"

"Yes. He broke up with Robin and everything. He really, truly loves you."

She let it all sink in. "I thought he used me, that I was just like the rest of them, like Harmony and all those other girls he's slept with. But I wasn't, was I?"

"You were different from them. Look, I've been keeping that in for too long. Go talk to him and work things out," Willow told her.

***

"Did you do it?" Mr. Osborne asked Angel after he got back from the Summers' house.

He nodded. "Yes, I did it. Somehow, I doubt it'll convince her, though."

"What makes you say that?"

"I ran into her on the way back. Buffy wants me to leave her alone. And she was pretty adamant about it. If that journal doesn't change her mind about me, I don't think anything will. It's my last hope of ever winning her back."

"Have some faith. If you really love her, don't give up hope," Mrs. Osborne said upon entering the living room.

Angel grimaced. "I'm trying not to, but it's out of my hands now. Mom, I'm sorry I disappointed you by not being the son you wanted me to be," he apologized.

"Angel, you have never disappointed me," she assured him. "Granted, you've done some things that were wrong, but we all make mistakes when we're growing up. You have made me proud since the day you were born. I'm your mother and I love you. Never question that."

***

Inside her bedroom, Buffy dialed the numbers for Angel's dorm room. She let the phone ring five times before the answering machine picked up.

"Hi, you've reached Angel's room," the recording of his voice said. "I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name, number and a brief message, I'll get back to you."

Buffy hung up. She wanted to talk to him, not his answering machine. And searching through all of Sunnydale for him certainly wasn't a feasible idea.

'I'll wait until morning. Gives me twelve hours to think up what I'm going to say. Lots of groveling and lots of apologizing. And hopefully a lot of making up.'

***

Mrs. Summers woke her daughter up at ten-thirty the next morning. She found Buffy lying in bed, the covers only covering her to the waist, her eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling.

"It's getting late."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I know. Just thinking about all stuff I have to do today."

"Busy day ahead of you?"

"You could say that. Mom, do you think I've been unfair to Angel about everything that went down between us?" Buffy asked. "Did I overreact? Jump to conclusions that weren't correct?"

"I think that maybe you need to hear his side of the story." In her hand she held the package Angel had given her the night before. "Here, you should probably open this."

Buffy eyed it suspiciously. "What is it?"

Mrs. Summers handed Buffy the package. "Angel's side of the story, I presume."

Once her mother left the room, Buffy opened the package. A note fell out when she picked up the book. She read it over.

Buffy,

I know you said you never wanted me to come near you again, but I can't stay away. Read my journal, and if you still want me out of your life, I won't object. If you don't call me after reading it, I will never bother you again.

Angel

Scanning the pages quickly, Buffy saw that it was filled. It was Angel's journal. He'd told her that he kept a journal of all the experiences he'd had during his womanizing years. Every girl he'd slept with was written about in there.

It wasn't what I expected it would be like. It was over before I knew it. Jessica invited me up to her bedroom and told me what a great game I played. She said I deserved a special gift for my "outstanding performance" on the field. She took off her clothes and laid down on top of the covers and I stared at her. And she laughed at me. I didn't know what she wanted until she said it. She wanted to have sex with me. Me! The most popular girl in school wanted to have sex with me, Angel Osborne. I couldn't believe it. I guess I still can't.

I don't remember most of it. Jessica had to tell me what to do because I had no clue. And then it was over. She got out of the bed, thanked me and left. That's where it ended. That's it? Is that all it is? Two people who do it for no reason and the leave when it's over? Is that how sex works?

***

HARMONY KENDALL Boy was she fun. So eager to please, too. I could have told her to lick every last inch of my body and she probably would have done it. The little airhead has been after me for months so I thought I'd take her out for a test drive. Not bad for her first time, if it was her time. Definitely lots of fun. I've had better, of course, not that I'm complaining. But she was a good way to celebrate my last football game with the Sunnydale Razorbacks. Talk about going out with a bang.

***

Buffy read on, captivated by all of Angel's liaisons. Hundreds of girls were victimized by him, and she found that they weren't nameless, faceless girls to him. He took note of everything. Some she knew - Amy Madison, Harmony Kendall, Michelle Blake - and some she didn't. Girls like Sara Kapshaw, Erin McMurphy, Samantha Miller and Shirley Craig. The only thing they had in common was that they were all used by the man she loved.

KATIE DONOVAN. I honestly don't know if I had planned to bed her. But then again, she did help me in Chemistry, so she deserved to get paid for it. I figured having sex with me was payment enough. She seemed very grateful for it. Katie knew exactly what to do; she was a real woman. Must have been a gymnast or something because was she ever flexible! That body did things to me I never thought possible. Never in my life have I been that aroused by a woman. It's going to be hard to keep my mind off that body and what it did to me when I see her in class tomorrow. Good as it was, I don't want to see her again. Hot body, but boring as hell. The sex made up for the unstimulating dinner conversation.

'Katie. That's the girl who killed herself,' Buffy thought. 'The things he wrote about her.they were so mean! How can the guy who wrote this be the same guy I fell in love with? Is it really the same person? Did my Angel really write all those horrible things?'

Buffy turned the page. There was one last entry in Angel's journal. She began reading.

BUFFY SUMMERS.

***

31

BUFFY SUMMERS. She'll be the last entry in this journal because I will never be with another woman for the rest of my life. This is it. I haven't joined the priesthood or sworn off women; far from it. But I've finally found perfection. And she is the only woman on earth that I never wanted to make love to for the rest of my life.

That's right, make love. Not sex, not fun and definitely not a one-night stand. What she and I shared last night was so heavenly, I can't even put into words what she made me feel. I came alive, discovered that there is more to sex than just making myself feel good; it's about love and trust and passion and just being with the one you love. And I experienced all that with her.

For the first time in my life, I held a girl in my arms and fell asleep with her next to me. It felt right, like this is what it's supposed to be like. I always thought sex was only two people sharing a physical connection for one night. Turns out I was wrong all along. It's not only a physical connection, but an emotional one, and a spiritual one as well. Not instant gratification, but slowly experiencing the deepest depths of passion and love. I learned all that after one glorious night with Buffy.

I love her. I've loved her since I met her, I know that now. I never thought I was capable of loving anybody other than myself, but I was wrong yet again. Buffy means so much to me. She is not just my best friend, she's my everything. When I look into the future, she is the only person I see myself spending forever with. My father even said the same thing.

We're destined to be with each other, I can feel it in my bones. All that crap I've done in the past has brought me here, to Buffy's door. I had to go through all those experiences for me to appreciate the beauty and simplicity- the perfection that is Buffy Summers.

It was an honor and a privilege to make love to her. She was pure and innocent, untouched by another man's hands and unseen by another man's eyes. I was the first to see her and touch her. The first to make love to her and the first to bring her to ecstasy. The first to hold her afterward and the first to see her in the morning sunlight.

I haven't take a single one of those gifts for granted because I know how undeserving I am. The psychic at the Winter Carnival three weeks ago told me that I wouldn't feel worthy of her gift and she was right. I don't. After all the horrible, callous, disgusting things I have done, I most certainly don't deserve anything from Buffy, especially not her love.

There is no way I'll ever treat her like I treated all the other girls before her. She's the one, the only girl I ever want to be with. And tonight I'll tell her so. The rest of my life begins tonight. I want to be with her. I want to marry Buffy and dance with her at our reception and make love to her on our wedding night. I want to be there when she gives birth to our first child and all the children after it. And I want to hold her hand as our children graduate from high school and college. I want to hold her and cry with her when our children get married. I want to celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary with her watch our grandchildren grow up. I want to grow old and gray with her, want to hold her in my arms every night when we fall asleep. And when she dies, I want to die with her. Because I can't live without her. I need her. I love her. I am hopelessly in love with Buffy Summers and I will be until the day I die.

Tears rolled down Buffy's cheeks, falling onto the paper, smearing the words. She couldn't believe he'd written those beautiful things about her. Angel wanted to share the rest of his life with her? It was unreal to her. She never thought anyone would feel that way about her, much less him. Giving up, she let her sobs out.

From her bedroom down the hall, Mrs. Summers heard her daughter's cries. Rushing into Buffy's room, she found her crying into her hands. "Buffy? Are you okay?"

Buffy looked up, sniffling. "I was wrong. All wrong. Angel never used me."

"I know he didn't, honey."

"Why am I always the last to know these things? You knew, he knew, Willow and Oz even knew. Why didn't I know? Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"You only saw what you wanted to see. Would you have honestly believed us if we'd told you?"

She shook her head. "Not really, I guess. Willow explained a lot of things to me last night. He wasn't really kissing Cordelia. Well, he was, but he never wanted to, she sort of pushed herself on him. Mom, Angel loves me. He told Willow and Oz and broke up with Robin, just to be with me! And he wrote in his journal that he wants to marry me and be with me forever."

"He does love you, Buffy. Angel told me so the night he came here and did that awful serenade to you. I know when a man is lying about his feelings, and your young man wasn't lying."

Buffy bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I said some horrible things to him. Hurtful things."

"It couldn't have been that bad," her mother reassured.

"It was bad. I - I told him that if he didn't stop following me around and leave me alone, I'd shove a stake through his beating heart," she admitted.

Mrs. Summers raised her eyebrows. "Buffy, you didn't. Tell me you didn't say that to him."

"I did. And it upset and angered Willow so much that she yelled at me. Then I found out the truth." Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes. "I need to talk to him; I have to apologize for the mean things I said to him."

***

Angel lay on his bed in his dorm room, staring at the ceiling as Buffy had been doing earlier in her own home. His hands were clasped under his head, his body not moving expect to breathe. Seventeen hours and still no word from Buffy, making him wonder if she was ever going to call.

He didn't even blink when there was a knock at his door. "Go away!" he shouted. The knocking continued. "I said go away!"

"Angel, it's Buffy. Please answer the door."

Angel jumped off the bed, smoothing the creases in his clothes before answering. He opened the door, face to face with his love. "Buffy, hi. I never expected to see you here."

"Mind if I come in?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course you can come in," he replied, opening the door wider for her to enter.

Buffy walked in, her eyes moving over everything. She had to take a deep breath when they fell upon his bed. The bed where he'd made love to her over and over again on her birthday. She turned to him. "I got your journal."

"Oh." Angel didn't know what to say. "Did you.did you read it?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Every last word. Some of it, actually most of it I wish I hadn't read. I can't believe you did all those things, much less wrote about them. It's sick."

Angel agreed. "I know."

"Why did you want me to read about it?"

"You said I hadn't changed, that I was still the same guy who treated women like whores. I needed to make you see that I'm not that guy, and you wouldn't listen to me, so I had to convince you some other way. When you didn't believe the song I sang, I decided the journal was the only other way," he explained. "It was my last hope."

"It was horrible. I wouldn't wish what you did to those poor girls on my worst enemy. It was a horrible feeling, knowing you've been used."

Angel frowned. "I know it is. But, Buffy, I never wanted you to think I used you or treated you like some girl I wrote about in there."

She nodded. "I know. Willow.she explained what happened with Cordelia."

"Buffy, I never wanted to kiss her. She was coming on to me and before I knew it, she was kissing me. I guess the only reason I didn't fight it off was because of my initial shock. Lame excuse, but true. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you."

"Willow made me see that last night. And then when I read your entry about me, I knew for a fact that I meant something more to you than the rest of them. I actually meant something to you."

Angel shook his head. "Not just something. Everything."

"Did you mean what you wrote about me?"

"Every last word," he told her, repeating her exact words to him from a few minutes earlier.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, her tears making a reappearance. "For all those mean and cruel things I said to you. I only said them because I was hurt. I didn't know the whole truth, and now that I do, I know I was completely unfair to you."

He touched her shoulder, tears springing to his eyes. "You don't have to apologize to me. I deserved everything you said."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did. I got a taste of my own medicine, something I've had coming for years. I became the girls I hurt, I finally understood what they felt. It was something I needed to feel for myself. I promise I will never hurt you, Buffy," he swore. "Not like that."

Buffy caressed his cheek, wiping his tears away with her thumb. "I know you won't."

Angel took a deep breath. "I gotta tell you something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move.I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man."

Her heart soared with joy at his admission. "That was beautiful. I mean, I love you, too."

He lifted her off the ground so that her lips were level with his. Slowly, almost too slow, their lips moved closer and closer until they finally touched. Their kiss was filled with passion, hunger, and most of all, love.

***

"So, I'm assuming this makes us a couple now," Buffy commented, wrapped tightly in Angel's embrace under the covers of his bed forty-five minutes later.

"I guess it does." He placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"That means you have to take me out on our first official date."

"This doesn't count?" Angel asked, smirking.

She laughed. "Staying in your dorm and laying in bed is not a date. It's fun and cheap, don't get me wrong, but it's not a real date."

"Then what is?"

"You showing up at my front door with flowers and candy, taking me to a nice restaurant filled with people, then going to the Bronze or something."

Angel considered. "Does my dorm room and a bed fit into the equation anywhere?"

"Maybe. If you play your cards right."

"And what cards would those be?"

"I have to see if you're up to the challenge," Buffy teased, running her fingers across his bare chest.

He tore the covers from their bodies. "How about I give you a demonstration?"

***

32

"Mom!" Buffy shouted from her bedroom Friday night. Angel was picking her up for their first official date in twenty minutes.

Mrs. Summers walked into her daughter's bedroom. "What, honey? Is something wrong?"

"Everything's wrong! I look horrible."

"You look fine."

Buffy shook her head. "No, I look like a mess. What's Angel going to think of me if I open the door looking like a slob when he shows up?"

"I don't know why you are so worried about how you look. You've gone out with Angel before. It's not a big deal."

"It's totally a big deal! This is our first real date as boyfriend and girlfriend. I want to look great, I want to knock his socks off. And this outfit is not going to do it," Buffy complained.

Mrs. Summers sighed. "Then change."

"He said nothing too dressy, it's casual. But I don't know if this outfit is too casual for what he has planned."

"Where's he taking you?"

"Dinner and a movie."

She looked over the outfit Buffy was wearing. A long-sleeved black blouse and blue jeans with high heeled penny loafers. "You're dressed fine. You don't have to get all dressed up for that."

"What if Angel's taking me to a nice restaurant? I can't show up wearing this, I'll be laughed out of the place. Maybe I'd better put on a skirt."

The doorbell chimed, making Buffy jump from the surprise. "Oh god, he's here. He's early! I'm not ready yet, go stall him while I change."

"Buffy."

"Mom! Please," she begged.

She gave up. There was virtually no changing Buffy's mind when she set it on something. She headed to the front door. When Mrs. Summers opened it, she saw a very handsome and confident Angel standing on the other side. In one hand he held a dozen white roses and in the other one a box of chocolates.

"Evening, Mrs. Summers," he greeted with a smile.

"Hello, Angel. Come on in, Buffy's not ready yet," she told him.

He shook his head, stepping into the hallway. "I hope she's not getting too dressed up."

"Buffy takes casual to mean more than it really is. She's probably on her fourth or fifth outfit by now."

"Very indecisive."

"Typical woman," Mrs. Summers commented. "Hope you know what you're getting yourself into with her, Angel."

"I am well-aware. And I love it about her. I love everything about her."

"Where were you twenty-three years ago when I was your age?" she joked.

Angel laughed. Before he had a chance to reply, Buffy descended the staircase. She wore a pair of black dress pants and a shimmering green blouse. He had to keep himself from running to her and crushing her body to his with a passionate kiss. But he couldn't do that with her mother standing right there.

"You look terrific," he complimented when she reached the floor.

She scanned the outfit Angel wore; jeans, gray sweater and a pair of sneakers. "I'm overdressed. I have to change my clothes. I'll be back in five minutes." Buffy turned to go back upstairs to change.

Angel grabbed her arm. "You don't need to change. You look fine the way you are."

"I'm too dressed up."

"No, you're not." He thrust the flowers and candy toward her. "I brought these for you."

A grin spread across her face. "You remembered."

"You said you wanted flowers and candy for our first real date. And I wasn't about to let you down."

Mrs. Summers took the gifts from him. "You two get going. I'll put the flowers in some water."

"Thanks, Mom."

"No staying out all night. Have her home by midnight, Angel."

"Mom." Buffy mumbled in a whiny voice.

"Buffy, you heard me. Midnight, no later."

Angel nodded. "No problem, Mrs. Summers. Have a good night."

"You, too. Enjoy yourselves."

"We will."

Angel took Buffy's hand, walking her to his car. He held the door open for her, then climbed in the driver's side. "Where are we going for dinner?" she wanted to know.

"Hope you don't mind, my parents invited us over. They have missed you and when I told them that we finally got together, they insisted on cooking us dinner for our first date."

"It sounds great. Then what?"

He shrugged. "I figured we'd go see a movie. 'Shakespeare in Love' is playing at the SUN. It's supposed to be really good."

"Anything else?"

"Your mom wants you home by midnight, so I guess that's it," he informed her.

"She won't even be awake at midnight. We can be a little late," she said with a sly smile.

Angel shook his head. "Not tonight, Buffy. Not on the first date."

She pouted and sighed. "Party pooper."

"If we're going to make this last, we have to take things slow. We've already started this relationship backward."

"Fine."

"You're mad."

"No, just a little disappointed," Buffy admitted. "But it's okay. I'll live. As long as we get some quality alone time soon."

Angel leaned over, kissing her cheek. "We will. Let's enjoy our first date before we start thinking about the second."

***

JANUARY 28, 2001

As Madame Drusilla predicted at the Winter Carnival two years earlier, all of Angel's dreams came true. He and Buffy were still dating - safe, happy and completely in love with each other. Prior to his graduation from UC Sunnydale in May of 2000, he'd been noticed by a scout for the Washington Redskins. When draft time came around, he became a first-round draft pick for them, and became their second-string quarterback.

Buffy remained in Sunnydale, studying English at the university while still actively slaying. They saw each other only every few weeks because of their hectic schedules, which proved hard for them. But they spoke on the phone every night and remained faithful to their relationship.

The primary quarterback suffered a broken arm as a result of a sack halfway through the season, forcing Angel to fill his position for the rest of the football season. His strength and accuracy helped lead them into the playoffs, then to the Super Bowl. Angel couldn't believe that he was playing in the most-watched football game in the world.

He'd invited Buffy to the game, of course. It was the biggest event of his life and wanted her to be there for all of it. So while he was leading his team on the field, she sat in the Owner's Box with several other people, watching the action.

The phone in the box ran as Half-time started. The team's owner answered it, listened for a minute, then hung up. "Buffy, Angel has a surprise for you," he said.

"What kind of a surprise?"

"He's arranged for you to go down to the field and be onstage during the show. He said you're a fan of the Backstreet Boys. You're going to meet them."

She shook her head in amazement. "I can't believe he did that."

"Todd is waiting in the hall to escort you to the field."

The security guard led her down to the football field, where the stage was being set up for the Backstreet Boys' performance. A member of the crew stopped them, hooking a microphone to Buffy's person.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Why do I need a microphone?"

He ignored her, nodded to Todd, and the security guard walked her to the stage. The dancers had already taken their places. Each of the Backstreet Boys shook her hand and smiled at her. They began to sing one of their unreleased ballads from their first album.

"I'd go anywhere for you, anywhere you asked me to. I'd do anything for you, anything you asked me to."

The dancers parted, revealing Angel. He was still in his uniform and he walked toward her. She smiled lovingly at him as the music stopped.

"You did all this for me?" she asked.

Angel nodded. "All for you. Buffy, I love you. I've loved you since I saw you that night two and a half years ago. You changed me and my life forever that day, and I want to spend that life with you. I want to share it all with you; the good and the bad, the joy and the pain. There's nobody I can imagine myself growing old with."

Bending down on one knee, he held out his hand, holding up a diamond ring. "Buffy Summers, will you marry me?"

Happy tears filled her eyes. It was the last thing she expected. "Yes," she replied softly. "Yes."

He placed the ring on her finger, stood and kissed her. The stadium erupted in cheers and applause as the newly engaged couple embraced. The music started up again and the Backstreet Boys continued their song.

In Portland, Oregon, Robin and her family watched as her ex-boyfriend proposed to the girl he'd loved since before they started dating. Back in Sunnydale, David and Joanne Osborne hugged, Angel's mother crying on her husband's shoulder at her son's engagement. Joyce Summers got on the phone with her ex-husband, excited beyond belief. And the television viewers throughout the world watched as Buffy and Angel continued to celebrate their engagement.

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