Spoilers: Season four (and Season one of A:TS)
Distribution: Ask=get
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and all his cronies own everything.
Rating: PG
Feedback: Love it, if you're in the mood.
Note: This is very odd, I know. I had an idea and sat down to write it, and this ensued. Remember- odd. Be warned.
Summary: Buffy has a problem.

One night, Buffy dreamed of Angel. This, in itself, was not unusual. She had been dreaming about Angel for years, and the simple fact that he had left her and lived far away didn't seem to register in her subconscious. Even her dorky but sweet TA boyfriend didn't seem to matter once she went to sleep, because there she always seemed to be with Angel. But she always woke up, and she tried to pretend that she didn't remember the dreams.

In any case, after one night of one such a dream, she opened her eyes and stretched, firmly resolving that no, she had not had the same dream again and no she didn't think about Angel that much, and with as blank a mind as she could muster, she sat up.

"Good morning, Buffy," Willow smiled from her desk.

"Good morning, Willow," Buffy replied. Well, actually, that's what she tried to say. Her brain thought it, and she totally intended for her mouth to say it. What came out, however, was utterly different and slightly embarrassing.

"Angel."

Willow dropped her eyes, in the manner of a friend who is wary of a tender subject and hoping not to become embroiled in the emotional topic yet again. "Did you dream about him, or something?"

Buffy shook her head. She was not denying that she had dreamed about him, rather, she was reacting to the complete oddity of her disobedient lips. She tried to explain that she had not intended to say the forbidden name, but when she attempted to elucidate her difficulty, only one word would come out. "Angel," she said, shaking her head.

Willow began to look at her in concern. "Buffy, are you alright?"

Buffy shook her head, irritation beginning to surface in her eyes. Not daring to speak, and not liking the look of weary sympathy in Willow's eyes, she scrambled out of bed and began digging through her desk drawer. Eventually she found the portable dry erase board that had come in so handy during the visit of the Gentlemen.

'Willow, I can't say anything but Angel!' she wrote quickly. Willow scanned the note, and looked up at Buffy in alarm.

"What is your name?" she asked.

"Angel," Buffy replied.

"What day is it?"

"Angel."

"Who is president?"

"Angel."

"What color are your pajamas?"

"Angel."

"What is going on?" Willow asked herself.

"Angel," Buffy shrugged helplessly.

"Let's get dressed and go see Giles, okay?"

"Angel," Buffy acquiesced.

****************************************

"Remarkable," the befuddled ex-Watcher breathed.

"Angel," Buffy replied sarcastically.

"I'll see what I can find. Don't worry, Buffy, we'll get this all taken care of."

"I guess we should get back to school," Willow said.

"Angel," Buffy agreed.

*****************************************

Meanwhile, the object of her affliction was reading the newspaper in his office.

"Good morning, Angel," Cordy's voice came from the outer rooms.

He walked out to her desk. "Hey, Cordelia. Do you have Mrs. Albert's phone number?"

"Sure thing." She handed him a small piece of paper.

Angel's day was normal so far.

*****************************************

Riley ran up to where Buffy was walking. "Hey, Buffy. Great morning, huh?"

She nodded mutely, her lips sealed in a thin line.

"You look kind of tired. Didn't you sleep well?"

She shrugged.

"Any more dreams for me to analyze?" he smiled.

She choked at the thought.

"Hey," he stopped her. "Are you okay? You haven't said a word."

She looked up at him with something like fear in her eyes.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Angel," she whispered. Biting her tongue, she tried to apologize with her eyes, and ran back in the direction she had come from.

*****************************************

"Yes, I think the best thing for you to do would be to go to LA. No, don't look at me like that. I believe that Angel will be able to help you, because I know for certain he has at least one text that I am missing. Furthermore, he is a bit more accomplished in this sort of incantation. I said, don't look at me like that!"

Buffy just continued to glare at Giles.

"I know it's hard for you, Buffy, but it will be much harder to go through the rest of your life incapable of saying anything but his name."

She threw her arms up in defeat. "Angel," she agreed angrily. And no, she told herself, she was not excited. if she was feeling any sort of anticipation, it was because she missed Cordelia a LOT. She loved Cordelia very much. She wanted to know how Cordelia was doing, because she had always thought very highly of her. Seeing Angel was pure business. Really.

"Angel," she growled, and for once, she might not have needed a different word.

*****************************************

Walking into the outer offices once more, Buffy spotted Cordelia at her desk. Still telling herself that she was very good friends with Cordy, she smiled as wide as she was able to with her stomach completely twisted in knots.

"Angel?" she asked, not bothering to explain herself.

"In there," Cordelia gestured. "Are you okay?"

Buffy shrugged, but the gloominess of her face convinced Cordelia not to ask.

Walking through the door, Buffy waved for Angel to sit back down as he shot to his feet. She put a piece of paper on his desk and sat down in the chair opposite. Angel looked at the piece of paper. On it was a phone number.

"Isn't this Giles-"

"Angel," she cut him off. She pointed to the phone, and he slowly picked up the receiver. She closed her eyes as he dialed. No, her blood was not singing in her veins, and she felt not an ounce of euphoria. Uh-uh.

"Hi, Giles, this is Angel." He paused and listened, and if Buffy had had the courage to look at his face, she would have seen his eyes widen as Giles spoke.

"Really? Oh, yes, I think I do have that spell. Yes, I'm sure we can take care of it, right away. Okay. It shouldn't take too long. Yes. Goodbye." He hung up the phone and looked at her, slightly embarrassed. "Buffy, I'm really sorry. We'll take care of it really quickly."

She smiled gratefully, but she looked at his shoes, wanting to scream. He was standing so close...

"Right, so, give me about twenty minutes, and we can, um, fix you. Your problem." He left the room with a dizzying speed.

"Angel," she sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

*****************************************

Buffy was more than a little surprised when Wesley showed up to help with the incantation, but she smiled at him in a tired sort of way. After a spell much like most of the spells she had ever seen, she felt a chill run through her.

"Okay, Buffy, can you speak?" Angel asked quietly.

"Yes, thank you so much." A smile of pure relief crossed her face. She could leave, and forget this day just like she was forced to forget all the years that contained him and the pure bliss of his company-

"So, I guess I should get back to Sunnydale then."

"Tell everyone I said hi," Cordelia asked.

"Okay. Thanks, Angel." In polite society, it would have been customary to shake hands, but they each knew how dangerous that could be. In fact, they couldn't seem to handle eye contact.

"Safe journey," he said finally, and with an almost imperceptible nod, he retreated into his office.

She was about to leave when she turned back. "Wesley, I meant to ask, what are you doing here?"

He gave her a look that resembled that of a trapped animal. "Well, I was, um, hunting a demon, when my path crossed with Angel's and we found I was occasionally able to offer some assistance. To him. And Cordelia."

"Actually, he saved my life and my eyeballs," Cordelia explained.

"Well," Buffy began, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry, because I acted terribly when you came to Sunnydale, and since then I have had a bit more experience with...rejection. And I'm glad you're putting your watcherly knowledge to good use. And thank you for helping today. So, bye." She turned tail and fled, hoping that the miles might be enough to make her pulse stop racing, to help her escape Angel's scent and spirit.

"My pleasure," Wesley replied in a stunned voice after she had left.

*****************************************

After a day of seeing Angel, Buffy would have been surprised if she had not dreamed about him. She was somewhat disappointed, however, when she woke up the next morning and found herself once more without a complete vocabulary.

"Angel!" she shouted at Willow, as she threw her clothes on.

"Not again," Willow moaned.

"Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel!" Jamming her feet into her shoes, she flounced out the door.

*****************************************

Buffy flipped through one of Cordelia's magazines as Angel and Wesley discussed the situation in the inner office.

"First, of all, this is not fair to her, and it's slightly embarrassing for me as well," Angel pointed out. "Furthermore, as the Slayer, her powers of speech are important. And yes-" he cut off Wesley's unspoken words with a shake of his head. "I have heard of Camilla Smithson, the Slayer born mute. That is not the point. We have to stop this."

"I completely agree," Wesley replied. "Yet the incantation is very simple, and it did work. It seems to me that whatever the original problem was, it was reinstated. I think we need to find out what it is."

"How?" Angel asked.

"We had best keep researching. She can stay with Cordelia for a few days, and if it stops, then life can go on as it did. If not, then we'll have to find some more permanent solution."

Buffy staying with Cordelia. Buffy hanging around. Buffy talking to him. Buffy coming into the office every morning.

"Okay," Angel agreed.

*****************************************

"I love him," Buffy smiled.

"Not as much as I do, trust me. I never knew dead men could be so wonderful," Cordelia replied. "I've already forgotten how I ever lived without Dennis."

The lights flickered in appreciation.

"So, this whole being incapable of saying anything but Angel's name must really suck, huh?"

"Yes, it does," Buffy vehemently replied.

"I guess it must be really hard, because it sort of calls into question all your claims that you're getting over Angel, right?"

Buffy looked at her for a long moment. "I guess."

"Do you really want to?"

"Cordelia, do you really think I want to spend the rest of my life in love with someone who I never see?" Buffy asked.

"Well, it's better than spending it with someone you don't love as much as you do Angel, and we both know that no guy will ever measure up in your estimation."

"Okay, I don't really want to get into this, and I'd sort of like to go to bed now." Buffy ran into the bathroom.

And no, she was not escaping the conversation, because she really needed to brush her teeth, and no, nothing Cordy had said was true. And yes, she could find someone else to love, and she could love him, darn it, if she could just try hard enough.

She looked in the mirror, and yes, she believed all of the lies she was telling herself every day.

*****************************************

The next morning, after the rapidly becoming routine ritual, Buffy found herself incapable of remaining in Angel's dizzying presence for any longer. Muttering some excuse about needing a pair of pants, she ran out the door.

As she browsed in a nicely impersonal boutique, she felt very much in control of herself. She could decide who to love, and after all, it wasn't like Angel was the only thing she wanted in a man. Okay, so he might have been the epitome of everything her heart had ever desired, but who's to say that's what a girl really wants, anyway? Maybe it was better to want someone a little more...mediocre. And maybe, just maybe, she would do better to think about the pants than her love life.

"Can I help you, Miss?" a nice looking woman asked her. Buffy smiled, glad for a person to distract her from her uncomfortable thoughts.

"Angel," she replied.

"I'm sorry?" the woman asked, confusion crossing her face. Eyes wide, Buffy snapped her mouth shut and backed away from the clothing. Running out of the store, she was blinded by tears of frustration.

*****************************************

They all performed the ritual yet again, but the line between Buffy's eyebrows did not go away. As the cleanup commenced, she tapped Cordelia on the shoulder to ask if she had any gum.

"Angel?" she asked, not very eloquently.

"What is going on?" Cordelia asked as Wesley threw down the book.

"This is somewhat discouraging," Wesley commented.

"Angel," Buffy replied, rolling her eyes.

"We need to find another spell," Angel murmured, picking up another book.

One look at his tired face was enough for Buffy's frayed nerves. She burst into tears and ran out the front door. Falling down on the entryway steps, she cried hard, because no, she could not handle this much longer, and no, she was not made of iron, no matter what certain forces of evil might think.

The tears came and went (as did the patrons of the dentist next door, but she didn't really notice them), and she was unaware of the passage of time. Eventually, she sensed someone sitting next to her, and she opened her now-puffy eyes to see Angel on the step. The sun had set, and he looked at her in concern and poorly-veiled love.

She wanted to apologize, to explain, to beg him for help.

"Angel."

He knew that he shouldn't, but she was playing the part of the damsel in distress so well, and he protected women as forlorn as she every day. Moving slowly so as not to startle her, he put his arm around her narrow shoulders and pulled her close.

Don't say anything. It can't help. "Buffy..."

Too late.

"I don't mean to avoid or hurt you. Just the opposite. But when it comes to you, I just feel...weak."

"Angel?" she turned in his grip, looking up into his eyes, searching for something.

This was dangerous. This was forbidden. This was so, so wrong.

His arm tightened around her.

"Angel," she murmured.

And so he kissed her. Yes, it broke all the rules, and yes, he would regret it when he had to say goodbye, but it seemed to be the only way to involve her in the conversation.

It was hardly as earth shattering as many of their previous kisses, but it reminded them both of why it was so impossible to move on. She rationalized it in her head, telling herself that this would tide her over, that one last embrace would keep her going for a few months more.

The kiss ended slowly but mutually. She looked up at him with a bittersweet smile. And yes, she was wishing she could sit forever on this step, and yes, he always managed to surpass her dreams of him.

"I hate being apart from you," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, his eyes widening.

"Is that a surprise to you?" she replied.

"Buffy, notice that of all your words, not one of them was my name."

"Oh. Oh!" She smiled for real then. "What happened, do you think?"

"I don't know. Did you feel anything?"

"Not like with the spell," she answered.

"Well then, I guess you can head back to Sunnydale." His eyes were no longer meeting hers. The cold reality of the statement hit her like a slap in the face, and her formerly happy smile crumpled as his arm disentangled from her body.

"Angel," she replied in a small voice.

He looked at her in some confusion. "Wait a minute."

She tried to say something, anything. She tried to tell him that she loved him, to tell him that she had experienced a one night stand and loved him even more for it, that she had a new boyfriend and nothing could make her love him like she loved Angel.

"Angel," she said, and only some of the meaning leaked through. It was enough to bring a warmth to his eyes, and a new thought to his mind.

"Buffy, I have an idea," he theorized.

And he kissed her again. There was nothing tentative and nothing patient, and the heat of it seeped through to thaw her loneliness. As he released her the second time, she gasped for breath and clung to the softness of his shirt. "What's your idea?" she asked. "Hey! My words are back!"

"Are you seeing a sort of pattern here?" he suggested.

"Oh, I knew bad things would happen if you left me."

And yes, they did kiss again, but they had to make sure that she had completely regained her powers of capable speech. And if they took awhile to do it, then it can hardly be said that it is a fault to be thorough.

*****************************************

No, Buffy did not go back to Sunnydale that afternoon. And yes, she did find out that being apart from Angel was bad for her, and managed to convince him of that fact, which wasn't hard to do, considering he craved her like most people crave oxygen. And yes, it all worked out, because spells and curses can be changed, and a two hour commute isn't so much when love is concerned. And no, the details are not important in this case.

Because no one should be so lonely that they can't even speak.

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