Disclaimer: Joss owns them and is currently making them more bland than I like.
Rating: G
Summary: Weird stuff related to a post I sent out earlier. I'm aware it doesn't make much sense.
Spoilers: Season 4, alas.

It was on a Friday.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out and she had decided to lay in the sun.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out and she had decided to lay in the sun with her hair pulled back.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out and she had decided to lay in the sun with her hair pulled back, wearing her favorite pair of shorts.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out and she had decided to lay in the sun with her hair pulled back, wearing her favorite pair of shorts and laughing with her best friend.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out and she had decided to lay in the sun with her hair pulled back, wearing her favorite pair of shorts and laughing with her best friend as they both lounged on a blanket spread out on the grass.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out and she had decided to lay in the sun with her hair pulled back, wearing her favorite pair of shorts and laughing with her best friend as they both lounged on a blanket spread out on the grass in front of their dorm.

It was on a bright, sunny Friday after her last class had gotten out and she had decided to lay in the sun with her hair pulled back, wearing her favorite pair of shorts and laughing with her best friend as they both lounged on a blanket spread out on the grass in front of their dorm when Buffy Summers finally broke through.

It looked like she was hyperventilating, and Willow was more than a little concerned as she gasped for air.

Buffy's mind was working furiously as she tried to get her bearings. Flashes of conversations and faces surrounded her-

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*I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe.*

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Laying flat on her back, Buffy tried to calm down. Rolling her head over to the side, she smiled faintly.

"Hi, Willow."

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*It was way creepy. It's like I was there, but I couldn't get out.*

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Staring up at the sky, she finally processed what she had been doing the past few months. Stupid decisions. Forgotten hopes. Absent spirit.

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*No! I don't understand any of this! This is some other girl!*

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"Are you okay?" Willow's voice broke through.

"Closer than I have been in a long while," Buffy replied.

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*I won't let anything happen to you if I can help it. No matter what, I'll always be with you.*

********************

"Always with me." Buffy smiled as she sat up, still slightly dizzy.

"Buffy, maybe you should lie down."

Buffy smiled. "Willow, I know I've been acting- differently. For awhile now. I'm sorry."

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*Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's everyday. It's what we have to do.*

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She stood, brushing herself off. That strange stasis, that numb feeling, it was ending. She was thawing out, taking control. No more lies. No more broken promises.

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*Don't what? Don't love you?*

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Almost a year now. Almost a whole year since she had felt this alive, this sure of who she was. Almost a year of masks and false healing.

Almost a year of being stifled, of need unfulfilled. Playing a role she hated but seemed incapable of escaping.

Almost a year without him.

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*I can lie to you if I want to now. We're ex, remember?*

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"Lies," she whispered. "I can lie if I want to."

"What?" Willow asked.

"Lie if I want to, lie if I want to. You would lie too if it happened to you."

And then she laughed for real, and it was like music, and a song long forgotten.

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*You thought I stopped loving you. But I never did.*

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"You wanna get out of here?" Buffy asked her still-confused friend.

"Why?"

Buffy squinted as she looked up at the clear sky. "I hate the sun."

"What?"

"You know what I really like?" she added dreamily.

"No?" Willow replied uncertainly.

"Demons and darkness."

And her smile was all the sun that anyone would need.

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