Disclaimer: JAC
Couples: B/A
Rating: G

The Bronze, a crowded place, with a dim light and people dancing. The air was thick and warm, causing Willow to take off her pink cardigan and sit besides Oz in only her skirt. He laid an arm around her and kissed her softly at her neck.

"I love you." He whispered and sent her a caring peer. She smiled and replied with the exact same words.

Buffy stood leaning towards the wall; she looked at them with a longing glare. She'd crossed her arms and rested.

How could he? We were close, growing together, making it… and then he just 'needs some time'… with a hurt glance she looked away from the loving couple. It hurt too much. They were so happy, so grateful for finding each other again. And now she was alone. All because of that two-timing, lying son of a bitch, named Riley.

What could I possibly have done? Something that was horrible enough to drive him away from me. To make him seek love with another girl. Was I not enough? She sighed and saw Xander entered.

A smile crossed her lips as she finally thought that she could spend some time with someone who weren't busy planting kisses on their partner. She began to walk towards him, with a smile, enlightening her entire face.

Thank God for… she stopped and her smile faded slowly. He held hands with Anya. With tears pressing and her sadness growing she paused in the middle of the crowd until Xander and Anya had passed her by, without even noticing. She ran out and slammed the door.

Why do I have to be alone? Why does everyone have someone except me? She ran towards the closest churchyard and sat down besides the tombstone she'd found a week ago. It said: 'You are never alone,' on it and it was good to lean into. It made her feel protected.

Buffy let a tear slide down her cheek and she sniffled as she looked up at the bright half–moon. Everything around her was dark and she felt like the shadows grew every moment, closing in on her and capturing her in an endless darkness. It was just like her heart felt it. An endless empty hole in it.

It had begun to open once she met Angelus. And then it just widened. Now it never stopped and it felt like nothing could open it. Ever.

I am so alone… she thought depressive and leant her head towards the tombstone. With a firm movement with her left hand, she pulled out a shining and sharp knife of her pocket. She let it slightly slid over her wrist and saw the blood slightly visible.

She knew, perfectly well, that the only thing keeping her from taking her own life right there and then was her duties. Her Slayer duties. The world could not survive without her. She knew that. And, a new Slayer would not come after her either. As Faith being her replacement, and her being alive kept the next Slayer to come Faith's replacement. Not Buffy's.

First Angel. Then Parker. Then Riley. What's wrong with me? Buffy sighed once more before she rose up and strolled casually towards the dorm. As she was just about to enter the dorm, she was stopped by a voice.

"Buffy." It said. She knew whom it was with once. Giles. Good ol' Giles.

She forced herself to put on a smile as she turned and faced him. His sad and serious face made her frown and wonder what it could be.

"You know what happened to Faith?" Giles asked carefully. She shrugged her nose and sniffled. He noticed her sniffle, but ignored it.

"I thought Xander and Anya was supposed to tell you," he continued wondering.

"Duh. Xander and Anya. Alone on their way towards the Bronze, how could you expect them to even consider telling anyone about these news about Faith?" she said grinning.

"The Bronze? How'd ya know they were going there?" he asked, as observing as usual. She held a gasp hidden, as she understood what she'd said and struggled to not loose face. How could she tell him that they'd ignored her, that she'd wanted them to, that she hated that they were perfect?

"Um… I just guessed, we're always there…" she explained, trying to save herself. He strangely enough bought it.

"Oh. Well, back to the Faith thing. She killed herself."

"Huh?"

"Tonight. She managed to contact an outsider and made him give her a knife. She…"

"She slit her wrist. First carefully, then again and again, just letting it drain itself, feeling the life end slowly." Buffy stated absently. Giles wrinkled his forehead.

"How did you know?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, it's a Slayer thing." She mumbled and watched Giles leave. With once he'd left she ran back to the churchyard. She kneeled in front of the church, cried and prayed.

Hours she spent like this, then, just when the dawn begun she walked slowly towards the tombstone. 'You are never alone' shun against her, but she knew it was a lie. She was alone and would for always be.

Her friends would grow, in jobs, education, life, love and happiness. She would only life in the darkness, fighting evil creatures, not having time to deal with the real problems. The problem usual people couldn't deal. The problems she would give her soul to get.

Buffy felt her throat dry as she pulled the knife. She glanced down at it. Her wrist was still carrying a fresh scar.

She closed her eyes and folded her fist, turned her hand with the down facing up and the blade of her knife resting towards the wrist. With a quick move she slid it over. She felt the pain and the warm blood flooding over her skin and dripping down at the grass.

Her eyes pressed hardly together by the pain and the dizziness that overwhelmed her as she lost her blood, drop by drop. She stumbled and fell into her own blood, felt it in her hair, causing the hair to glue it to her skin. She lay on her back, next to the tombstone, gazing into the air. She could see the rays of the sunshine and closed her eyes. She felt her body almost drained and made her last wish. A wish that she would see Angel for the last time before she died. Though it could never happen, she had almost no time left.

Then, a soft touch on her cheek and someone pressing something towards her sore wrist, trying to make the bleeding stop. She opened her eyes slowly and looked into Angel's deep, brown and loving eyes. They were filled with tears and she could feel a warm drop from his eye on her cheek, mixing together with blood and her own tears.

"It's dawn, Angel," she whispered, questioning him not turning to ashes, though the sun was shining.

"I…" he began and sniffled. "I got my humanity back today. When I got back to Sunnydale I felt something was wrong and went towards the place I felt your pain come from. I'm too late. Oh, Buffy, my love, why?" he asked her softly, embracing her as he cried loudly.

Buffy managed to put her arms around him as she cried too. Everything was in gain.

"Angel…" she whispered, almost speechless. Her throat turned sore and she had to swallow hardly to be able to speak. He let her go and lay her down at the grass again. She smiled softly at him and continued. "Say you love me." She ended.

"If you die then I die. I love you. With my soul."

"Then stay alive. For me. And, I love you too." She assured him weakly and then felt her body give after by the huge blood–loss.

Angel, which had held her hand, felt the lifeless feeling and screamed. He embraced her and cried as he tried to understand what had just happened. He was unable to.

Buffy watched him holding her dead body. She let a tear fall. A tear that nobody saw. That didn't exist. She didn't exist. With a smile she faded and knew that it would be all right. Wherever she was going.

Send feedback to Muffy

Back to the Fanfiction Archive