Disclaimer: all characters belong to Joss Wheadon and the WB
Pairing: B/A
Distribution: www.angelfire.com/va3/angelusangel21
Spoilers: None I don't think
Time line: End of Season 4/Season 1
Rating: PG-13 (For Adult Language)
Summary: Buffy is sick of playing the part of the life Angel and her friends want her to play.
Authors Notes: This is after everything with Angel finding out he might someday be human, and Buffy and Adam. So basically after the season's last episode.
Feedback: Of Course...

Buffy gazed across the open campus at the student going to and from their classes. Happy go lucky, no heartache. Unless they were hiding it well like she did.

" Buffy are you listening?" Willow asked waving a hand in front of her face.

" Yeah, sorry. I'm just a little tried." Buffy lied.

" You want to go?" Riley asked

" Yeah but you stay. I don't want to ruin your fun. I just want to be by myself." Buffy said moving from in front of him.

She almost felt sorry for Riley. He knew about Angel. Knew about in the since that Angel had come and kicked his ass a few days ago, and he still couldn't comprehend that she was hurting and where it was coming from.

She part way expected her friends to know, even if Xander didn't want to see it, she thought Willow would. She was there when it ended. But she had to put up the fake smile, and fake attitude in front of them. She was getting tired of it. She couldn't do it anymore. It took too much energy from her body just to live a lie.

By the time she reached her room she had already made up her mind. She opened the door and went straight to her closet and pulled out one of her bags and threw clothes in it, then walked back out of the room, making her way back to the spot she had just abandoned.

" Hey Buf....where are you going?" Xander asked

" Riley I need to talk to you." Buffy said ignoring Xander's question

Riley hesitantly got up and followed Buffy to a secluded area by the building.

" What's up with the bag?"

" I'm going to LA."

" To visit your father?"

She looked at Riley. " Please don't play stupid right now. I'm leaving for a few days. There is someone that I need to talk to."

" Angel. Buffy...."

" Riley don't. We both know that this isn't right. I can't hold it in. I can't play the perfect girlfriend, and friend. It's too much."

" Buffy I love you."

" I know. I only wish it hadn't gone this far. I didn't want to hurt you."

" Too late." Riley spat out bitterly.

Buffy closed her eyes. She had expected this. " I'm sorry. I just can't ignore my heart anymore."

She held her bag strap tighter and turned to walk away.

" From what I hear he left you. Why do you think he'll talk you back?" Riley called after her.

Buffy whipped around to face him. " Because you can't ignore you heart. Even if it isn't beating."

-------

Angel looked at the piece of paper over and over.

Human.

That was one thing he thought he'd never be again. But then again his life always surprised him.

" Angel."

Angel turned his face and saw Cordelia and Wesley walked toward him.

" Oh no. You just got some good news and you're making yourself miserable."

" Am not."

" You have Buffy-Face."

" Do not."

Cordelia looked at him.

He was caught in a lie and he knew it and so did she. Thinking about being human came hand in hand with thinking about Buffy.

" Call her." Wesley stated simply.

Angel shook his head. " She has a life. A boyfriend. Plus this could happen years from now. I don't want her waiting forever for nothing."

" What could happen?"

Cordelia and Wesley moved aside and turned to see Buffy setting her bag down on the floor.

" Nothing." Angel answered. " What are you doing here?"

" I need to talk to you." Buffy answered. " Alone."

Cordelia grabbed Wesley but the arm. " Ok get the point we're leaving."

They waited until the elevation had stopped before either one of them spoke.

" What's with the bag?" Angel said slipping the paper between two books.

" I need to talk to you and I want you to shut up and listen cause I don't want to be interrupted."

---------

I can't hide the way I feel about you anymore
I can't hold the hurt inside,
Keep the pain out of my eyes anymore
My tears no longer waiting,
My resistance ain't that strong
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore

---------

Angel sat back down in the chair.

" I can't do this anymore. I can't looked and Riley and pretend I'm happy. I know we said forget. But I can't."

" Buffy...."

" I said no interruptions. I'm tired of pretending in front of all my friends. I can't put on the charade anymore. It's too much work. It takes up too much energy to act like nothings wrong when deep down inside I'm dying. I can't pretend that I don't love you."

---------

Let me make one last appeal to show you how I feel
'Cause there's no on else I swear
That holds a candle anywhere next to you
My heart can't take the beating, not having you to hold
A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul
It says, 'I can't keep pretending,
I don't love you anymore'

---------

By this time the tears that she held in so long were falling rapidly from her eyes.

" My head tells me you were right, and that it was for the best that you left, but my heart tells me you were just plain out stupid, and ignorant. My soul tells me I was stupid and ignorant not chasing after you through the smoke."

Angel looked at her before he spoke. " Buffy you and I both know....."

Buffy put her hand up to stop him from talking. " I've heard it. I don't want to hear it again. I think maybe Riley was right when he asked me what made me think you'd take me back. But I had to take the chance that maybe you wouldn't have started out like that."

---------

I've got to take the chance or let it pass by
If I expect to get on with my life
My tears no longer waiting,
My resistance ain't that strong
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending
I don't love you anymore, anymore, anymore

---------

Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes and picked her bag back up and went toward the elevator.

Angel looked toward the books as the elevator made it's way back down. He got up and pulled the paper out from it's hiding place. " Buffy wait."

She stopped halfway in the elevator and turned and looked at him with something in his hand.

" There is something I need you to see." Angel said walked toward the broken woman.

She took the paper that was in his outstretched hand.

Angel waited for her took look back up at him.

" Human." She whispered, and looked up to find him right in front of her.

" I don't want to forget anymore. I don't want to pretend."

" No more. Anymore."

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