Rated: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Spoilers: Very last episode of Angel season 3.
Synopsis: Angel is at the bottom of the sea thinking about things, and wishing for death. I think there is a sorta surprise ending. I dunno, you guys might have predicted it.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Lucy my beta reader for being so awesome about reading my stuff and getting it back to me as quick as possible.
Feedback: Please do, my email is nickypoo2004@yahoo.com
Dedication: To everyone who has helped me thank you so much. Please keep the B/A dream alive or something inspiring like that.

When the events of life become to tough to bear, I remember the way things used to be. I remember when everything was simple, and explainable. Now I have no explanation. I just have my own wandering thoughts that rattle so loudly inside of my head that I want to scream.

I feel everything with such intensity I don't know if I can stand it any longer. My son, who was my most beautiful and righteous creation put me in a coffin like box; now I rest at the bottom of the sea. He did it out of hatred. Out of confusion, and pain. So much like I used to do things when I was Angelus. Why had I been so stupid?

I can see the water and the fish through the glass window that is part of this imprisoning hell they call a box. How can I hate things that are so beautiful? I hate them for being free, and for not having made life changing mistakes like I did. The fish, the water, they never killed people. They never left the love of their lives, and they never slept with a horrible vampire named Darla. No, they were smarter than that.

I close my eyes and will myself to die. Maybe if I wish hard enough I will die and every troubling thing in this world will fade beneath the blackness of my eyelids. Peace. Pure peace. My fingers clench as I think of Cordelia waiting on the beach for me. Tonight I was to tell her that I loved her. But now I am wondering if what I was feeling was just a stomach ache, and not the wonderful butterflies that I used to feel when I was with Buffy. Cordelia is my best friend, and I think I just missed the feeling of being in love.

I can feel it now. I can feel myself fading away. Melding with the blackness of the water. Oh it feels so good to let go. I never thought dying would feel this beautiful. This warm. This perfect. My body shudders, and I writhe as much as the box will let my body allow.

Then there is a glow. I think that I am seeing Heaven. I keep my eyelids closed, I don't want to let Heaven get away from me.

"Angel." A voice calmly whispers.

A tear runs down my cheek. I am there. I am in Heaven. I didn't deserve this. I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to let this dream go. Its too surreal, and its everything I've dreamed of.

"Yes?" I slightly sob. I clutch my hands tighter. Please don't let this be a dream.

"Open your eyes Angel. You're home." The soft velvety voice says. My lips quiver as I open my eyes and see Buffy dressed in a white gown. She is surrounded by flowers and smiling at me. Her hair is glinting like drops of sunshine. Oh she's beautiful. "You're home." She repeats. I hug her to me , and she smells of apples and clouds. My chest feels warm. I kiss her soft skin. "Your son is here Angel." I look up and Conner smiles at me.

"Dad." He jubilantly says. I feel perfect happiness. Pure bliss.

"Steven." I say. I remember he wanted me to call him Steven.

"No. Conner is my name. My real name." I nod my head and know that I will never feel pain again. "We've been waiting for you dad. I'm so glad you're here." I hug him to me. "Let's go home dad." I look towards Buffy. She is looking at me with love in her eyes, and I know she'll except me again. I hold her hand and walk toward where ever home is. But I don't care because I literally died and went to Heaven. I'm so blessed. I died, and I hope I never return again like Buffy. I've found my home; my true home.

*****************

"What happened?" Fred asked. Cordelia wiped a tear from her eye.

"I went to save him, and when I got there he wasn't dead, it was just like he was in a coma. He wont respond to anything." Gunn looked sadly up Fred. Then he looked back into Angel's eyes. He snapped his fingers in front of Angel's ear. He tried to calling his name. Angel stared blankly past him. Unresponsive. Angel's lips held a slight smile on them, and Gunn wondered why.

"We've lost him." He said to no one in particular. "He might as well be dead. He's alive, but his body is unresponsive to any type of stimuli." Cordelia began to cry harder. Fred touched Cordelia's shoulder comfortingly and closed her eyes. "He's gone. He's really gone." Gunn whispered. Our champion, gone.

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