Summary and Spoilers: Everything up to Season 5 of Buffy and Season 2 of Angel, set after the stories "Sick of It", "Making it Right", "Forgiveness", "Open Wounds", and "Healing". Buffy, tired of pretending, has told her friends exactly what she thinks about their running her life and went to LA to rectify all the mistakes she made, hoping she doesn’t come three years too late. She convinces Angel that they belong together. Faith is released from prison and Buffy wants to make up with her as well. Three months later a chance meeting between Buffy and Willow almost leads to blows and Buffy realizes that she is not over being betrayed by her friends. Angel convinces her that it is time to talk with Willow and Xander.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to Joss, though he is doing bad things with them.
Note: This is once again written in Buffy’s POV

"I don't want to do this." I say for what has to be the hundredth time.

We are sitting in Angel's car, we being Angel, Cordy, and me. Angel's black convertible is standing in front of the cafe where we are to meet Xander and Willow. They are probably inside by now, waiting. Cordy phoned them and arranged this meeting.

I don't want to do this.

Angel is sitting beside me, waiting patiently, making no move to hurry me up. I can feel his gaze on me, though. I can feel the love radiating out from him. I think I would have turned to run a long time ago if not for him.

Cordy is sitting in the back, waiting as well. I know how hard waiting and saying nothing comes for her. She is my friend now, maybe the only real friend I have left. I am not quite sure where Faith and I stand at the moment. Thoughts wandering again, Buffy. Trying to avoid the confrontation, am I?

Three months ago I gave Willow and Xander a large piece of my mind. I had found out about all the things they did to me. Lying to me about the curse, forcing me and Angel apart, trying to run my love life by hooking me up with losers like Parker and Riley. I thought they were my friends and they betrayed me.

I haven't got the slightest idea what I am supposed to do in there.

Finally the silence around me grows too uncomfortable for me and I get out of the car. Angel and Cordy follow me, walking slightly behind like bodyguards. I pleaded with Cordy to come along as well. I thought about asking Faith, just in case I needed to be held back again, but decided against it. Faith is still very brittle about the things she did in Sunnydale. She doesn't need Willow's venom to undo all the hard work we did.

Walking across the pavement towards the cafe door seems to take forever, yet when my hand touches the door knob it feels much too soon. I take a deep breath. They have no more hold over me. I am with the man I love, I am happy where I am. There is nothing they can do that could pry us apart again. I just need to get this over with and everything will be all right.

I open the door.

The cafe is crowded at this early hour of night, lots of people hanging out on a Saturday night. I have never been here before, it's not one of the places I like to hang out with Cordy, Angel, Faith, sometimes Wesley. I don't want Willow and Xander in any of our places. I don't want them to be in any way connected to my life here.

I can see them sitting on a table in the corner, sipping drinks. Willow is dressed in a long, burgundy skirt, along with a green and red blouse. Her red hair is longer than I remember it, tied back in a pony tail. Xander is, surprisingly, not dressed in his usual baggy clothing. He wears black jeans and a blue suit jacket, a white shirt beneath. He got a haircut, too.

He almost looks like a grown-up.

Willow is the first to see me, her face showing a mixture of happiness and wariness. Her lip is slightly puffy from where I hit her. I can see her eyes flicker to the spot where I know Angel is walking and her expression darkens.

Xander sees us coming and the look on his face when he sees Angel is confusing. There is anger there, which is almost normal. They never liked each other. But there is something else as well. Something I can't quite identify.

"Buffy, hi!" Willow says. There are two empty chairs left on the table. Cordy grabs a third chair from somewhere to sit down with us. Only then do I notice that there is a half-filled cup of coffee standing in front of one of the formerly empty chairs.

The three of us sit down across from them and I don't think I am very successful in keeping the rage from my face. Xander is staring at Angel, with the occasional side glance at Cordy.

"You have anything to say?" I ask Willow and Xander. I don't have patience for niceties.

"We ... we kinda hoped this would be a private conversation." Willow says, gesturing toward Angel and Cordelia.

"I would tell them everything afterwards anyway, so they might as well be here. Besides, from the look of things you brought someone else as well. Who drunk the coffee?"

I know the answer even before she opens her mouth. On the far side of the cafe the door to the men's room opens and I recognize the person walking out. The sight alone is almost enough to make me gag.

Riley walks up to the table and sees that his chair has been taken.

"What did you bring him for?" I ask Willow, surprised at how steady my voice sounds. I don't feel steady. I feel like breaking something.

"Buffy, I ..." Riley begins.

"I am not talking to you," I tell him without turning away from Willow, "why did you bring him?"

Riley puts his hand on my shoulder, which results in two things. An angry growl from Angel and a quick movement of my own hand, which sends Riley several steps back, massaging his aching wrist.

"Never touch me again, hear me?" I am still not looking at him.

"I thought ..." Willow begins. "I ... I thought that, after you had a little time to think things over and ... that maybe you and Riley ..."

I laugh out loud. "I don't believe this, Willow. Didn't you listen to a single word I said three months ago? Why doesn't that surprise me, really?"

I can feel Riley approaching again and finally turn to face him.

"I don't know what she told you, Riley, but we have nothing to say to each other. I'm sure Willow and Xander will gladly pay for your coffee. Leave! Now! "

He looks past me at Willow and I can feel my blood boiling.

"Don't look at her!" I rise and yell into his face. "Look at me, you stupid idiot! I don't love you! I don't want you! I will be happy if I never see you again! Got it? Now leave!"

Now he is looking at me and there is sadness in his eyes. A little part of me feels sorry for him. I think he truly did love me. He only never understood that the feeling wasn't mutual. The largest part of me remembers his Vampire whores and wants to hurt him bad.

Without another word Riley takes his jacket from the chair and leaves the cafe. When I see him walk out the door and out of sight I sit back down.

"Wonderful. Just wonderful." Xander mumbles.

"Any other surprises for me?" I ask him and Willow.

Willow seems in shock that I brushed Riley away like that. Her eyes flicker between the door and me, seemingly unable to believe that I did this.

"He ... he came back for you, Buffy." Willow stutters. "Only a few weeks after he left you, he came back. I thought ..."

"What? That Riley's return would make me see the 'error of my ways'?" The last three words drip with sarcasm. "That I would take him back and ditch Angel the minute you told me so? You haven't changed a bit, Willow. Not one bit."

Willow fidgets in her seat, looking miserable. I look at Xander, who has been uncharacteristically quiet so far. No biting comments, no 'deadboy' jokes, nothing except a few mumbled words.

"What about you, Xander?" I ask him. "Got nothing to say to me? No tips on how to turn my life around and be miserable again?"

He looks down at the table where Angel has taken my hand, his love flooding into me, giving me strength. Xander looks up again and leans back.

"Nope!" He simply says.

Willow gives him a startled look, which probably mirrors my own.

"Except for one thing, maybe." Xander leans forward and looked at Angel. "Three years ago I ... I decided not to tell Buffy that Willow would try and recurse you, Angel. I wanted to see you dead and gone after all that had happened, so I lied to her, told her to kill you. When that didn't work and you came back, I did everything in my power to make you go away. I sicked Faith on you, trying to get her to kill you."

Angel listens to everything, his face never moving.

"I am ... not sure why I did all that." Xander continues. "Jealousy maybe. Anger for what you did when you lost your soul. The way your presence always seemed to make Buffy miserable. When you left and Buffy hooked up with Riley I was happy. I thought everything was finally going right for her."

He looks down, shaking his head.

"Maybe I was wrong." He says, barely more than a whisper.

"Xander?!" Willow hisses.

"She was right, Willow," he tells her, "we did our best to drive them apart and give her a boyfriend we approved of. Our miserable failure with Parker should have told us a lesson, but it didn't. We only saw the facade she put up for our sakes and never looked below it. Hell, I even told her to run after Riley, after all he did."

He looks at Angel again.

"I still don't like you, man. I doubt  ever will. But what I did back then ... it was wrong. I am sorry. It took three years and some serious head banging for me to see it, but somehow, and I'll be damned if I understand how, you make her happy. And ... I guess that's good enough for me."

There are looks of astonishment all around. Xander of all people ... I don't believe this.

"It seems you have a brain after all, Harris," Cordy says to break the silence, "you fooled me all those years."

"Xander, I can't believe ..." Willow begins.

"Give it up, Will, please!" Xander tells her in a sad voice. "I let you talk me into bringing Riley along and look how that turned out! If what just happened here doesn't open your eyes I don't know what will."

Willow looks from him to me and back, then rises and leaves the cafe running. Xander looks after her with sad, sad eyes. Then he shakes his head and looks at me.

"I am sorry, Buffy. Sorry for everything that happened. Please believe me that we never intended to hurt you in any way. We were just ... dumb, I guess. I just hope that ... some day ... you might forgive us."

He rises as well, placing a few bills on the table to pay for their drinks, and turns to leave. My eyes follow him and I don't know what to do or say. Angel squeezes my hand, his soothing presence at my side giving comfort, and I know what I must do.

"Xander? Wait, please!"

I rise and walk up to him, looking into his eyes.

"I believe you. That you're sorry. That you didn't intend to hurt me."

He nods, his eyes brimming with tears.

"I don't think I can just forgive and forget all that has happened."

"I understand that, Buffy. I don't expect you to ..."

I interrupt him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I will try, though. Just ... just give me some time, okay?"

He nods again. No hugs or anything, the wounds are still too fresh for that. Just a look that says that, some day, we might just hug again. Be the kind of friends I thought we were before. Not today. Not for quite some time. But maybe some day.

Xander squeezes my hand and then turns to leave. I look after him until he is gone. Angel appears behind me and wraps his arms around me.

"I am proud of you, beloved." He whispers into my hair.

"Don't be. I am not sure that I will ever be able to forgive him. And Willow ... don't even start there."

"Healing takes time, Buffy. Forgiveness takes even longer. I know your heart, beloved. When the time is right you will find it there."

I turn in his embrace, looking into his eyes.

"I am not sure. If you can forgive them I guess that makes you a better person than I am."

"Forgiveness must be earned, beloved. I know that better than anyone. And I believe that Xander will work hard at earning your forgiveness."

I lean into his chest, relishing in the feeling of having him so close. The first tears start trailing down my cheeks. Relief? Pain? Sadness? Happiness? I am not sure. Maybe I can figure it out tomorrow after I slept over everything that has happened today. Not today, though.

Angel scoops me up in his arms and I cuddle into his chest. We leave the cafe and head home. Our home. No one will ever take that away from us again.

And maybe, just maybe, no one will try.

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