Summary and Spoilers: Everything up to Season 5 of Buffy and Season 2 of Angel, set after the stories "Sick of It", "Making it Right", and "Forgiveness". Buffy, tired of pretending, has told her friends exactly what she thinks about them and went to LA to rectify all the mistakes she made, hoping she doesn’t come three years too late. She convinces Angel that they belong together. Faith is released from prison and Buffy wants to make up with her as well.
In this story Joyce has recovered from her cancer and Glory is already defeated. Darla never came back and Angel hasn’t gone psycho.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to Joss, though he is doing bad things with them.

It's been three months and I can honestly say that it's been the best three months of my life. I can finally be together with the man I love, that alone would be enough in itself. I'm not just talking about regular sex, though that is nice, too. It's everything. The way he smiles, the way he understands me. Unlike Riley he accepts every part of me.

I have transferred to UCLA, leaving behind Sunnydale and all the painful memories. The only ones there I still have contact with are mom, Dawn, and Giles. Mom and I have talked a lot when I went back to Sunnydale to get my stuff and we made peace, more or less. I will never look at her quite the same way after learning that she was instrumental in driving Angel out of my life, but I believe that she is sorry and I still love her.

Adjusting to live in LA again has been surprisingly easy. Especially thanks to Cordelia. No one could have been more surprised than me, but we have become best of friends. Her blunt honesty is extremely refreshing after having been lied to for so long by the people I called my friends.

It's also gotten to the point where Faith and I can be in the same room indefinitely without falling into pain-filled silence. We have talked a lot, talked about the mistakes we both made. Faith has nightmares about Finch and that professor she killed. I think talking about it helps her. She hasn't missed a single appointment with her parole officer and Cordy and me have taken her shopping a few times.

The change in Angel is astounding. He still broods a lot, but he has begun to smile quite frequently. We have explored Los Angeles' night life and Angel has actually managed to addict me to the theater. Three nights ago we watched "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and I loved it. Yesterday he actually told a joke. It wasn't all that funny, but that doesn't really matter.

I look down at my hand. The silver Claddagh ring is back where it belongs. He kept it all these years and finally put it back on my finger one night after I came back.

We only patrol together these days. Los Angeles is very different from Sunnydale as far as demonic activity goes. The demons around here are a lot more ... civilized, I guess. Angel has taken me to that karaoke club run by demons. You have to see that club to believe it. No, I didn't sing.

I returned to Sunnydale twice in the last three months, accompanied by Angel, once to get my stuff and the other time to deal with some demonic threat. Giles keeps me apprised about activity on the Hellmouth. I didn't stick around long, just long enough to visit mom and Dawn, to make sure they are all right. I didn't ask about anyone else and no one volunteered information.

"I can't possibly wear this." Faith's voice comes from the cabin.

"Oh, don't be such a wimp!" Cordy yells back. "You'll look lovely!"

My thoughts return to the present. Cordy, Faith, and me are out shopping, spending Angel's money. He never minds, though he acts like he does. Cordy has been steadily working on Faith's fashion sense these last three months (after a short period of wariness about her) and Faith seems to be caving in, if slowly.

I am in the middle of deciding between two possible pieces of lingerie (I plan to surprise Angel tonight) when Faith comes out of the cabin. It strikes me speechless.

"You look great!" Cordy squeels.

Faith is wearing a thigh-length summer dress, colored a snowy white. I don't think I have ever seen her in a dress before. Cordy is right, she does look great, though from the look on her face Faith doesn't think so.

"This isn't me." She says, fingers nervously playing with the curls of her hair.

"It isn't Ms. Leather-Pants-Slayer-Chick, that's for sure, but it still looks great." Cordy says.

Faith looks at herself in the mirror and I can see emotions flickering across her face. I move closer and touch her shoulder.

"Faith, what is it?"

She swallows and closes her eyes.

"The last time I wore something like this ... Mayor Wilkins gave it to me."

I squeeze her shoulder tighter, understanding. Faith was convinced that Wilkins loved her like a father and maybe, in his own twisted way, he did. I think she is feeling guilty about having loved him. That is a topic she still doesn't talk much about.

I'm about to tell Cordy to lay off on picking out dresses for Faith when I hear a sharp intake of breath behind us. Spinning around I come face to face with a person I never wanted to see again in my life.

"Buffy, hi!" Willow says, looking very nervous.

She looks no different from the last time I saw her. Was that really only three months ago? By now it seems like it's part of a completely different life. This is the girl that lied to me about Angel's curse. This is the girl who drove me into relationships I cared nothing about, all for my own good, and turned me into a pod person for two years.

For a long moment I am swaying between two possible things to do and in the end I decide to just turn away and ignore her. The other thing could get me arrested.

"You plan on buying that?" I ask Cordy, motioning toward the blouse she holds in her hands. For a moment she has no idea what I am talking about, her eyes still resting on Willow. Then she comes out of it.

"What? Oh, yes, yes I do. It's lovely, isn't it?"

I can see Willow look at me in the mirror, hurt flashing across her face. Until a few months ago that look on her face would have made me do anything she wanted. Anyone she wanted. Manipulative bitch! No longer.

Faith is a bit clueless, it seems. We haven't talked that much about what happened between me and my former friends. I can see Willow notice her and hatred clouds her eyes. I remember how much Willow hates Faith. She has disliked her from the start and that certainly played a part in Faith's breakdown.

"What is she doing here?" Willow asks, pointing at Faith.

The nerve of that bitch! I turn toward her, shaking with anger.

"Get out! Now! Before I do something I won't regret!"

"Buffy, can't we just ..."

The next thing I know Willow is lying on her back in front of me, bleeding from the lip. Faith is holding me back from doing worse and right now I don't know whether to grateful or angry for that.

"You better leave, Willow!" Cordy says, positioning herself halfway between me and the bitch. I strain against Faith, but she has too good a hold on me, almost lifting me off my feet.

Willow looks shocked, but scrambles back to her feet and stumbles away from us, never taking those lying eyes off me. When she is finally out of sight I manage to relax in Faith's hold.

"Everything cool again?" She asks me. I nod and she lets me go.

Cordy looks at me with worry on her face. I told her everything about what happened between me and Willow, but this was her first life performance.

"Okay," she says, "now that I have regained my sanity after stepping between a furious Slayer and the object of said rage, mind telling me what that was?"

"I told you, Cordy."

"Yeah, you told me. Buffy, I know what she did was terrible, she certainly deserves a little smacking, but this isn't like you. You can't let her get to you like this."

I lean against the wall, trying to get that trembling out of my arms.

"No, you don't understand. I trusted her, Cordy. I trusted her with everything I am. She was my best friend in the world. She knew everything about me, especially how much I loved Angel, and still she lied to me. She cost me three years of my life, Cordy, and for most of that time I still thought she was my best friend."

I don't know when exactly I have started to cry. Cordy is hugging me and Faith is standing close, her hand on my shoulder, while tears are streaking down my cheeks. God, I thought I had gotten over it. I have the perfect life now, everything I ever wanted, but it still hurts so much.

"Let's get back home, what do you say?" Cordy says.

I just nod and let her lead me out of the shop, quietly paying for the clothes we already had picked out. Faith is keeping the dress. We make our way back to Cordy's car. An indefinite amount of time later we arrive at the hotel.

"Want me to stay?" Cordy asks as we step inside.

"No, it's okay." I tell her. "I'll cuddle up next to Angel and everything will be all right."

It's not quite that easy, of course, but almost. Cordy says her good byes and Faith vanishes toward her rooms. I make my way towards the office, where I know Angel will be working right now. He is sitting behind his desk, already looking at the door when I come in.

"What's wrong?" He asks, rising. I don't ask how he knows that something is wrong, he just does. I wrap my arms around him, holding him close, burying my face in his chest.

"Later, okay?" I mumble. "Just hold me." He doesn't argue. I know that he would stand here and hold me forever if that was what I needed. What did I ever do to deserve someone like him?

Here, in the safe circle of his arms, I do realize something. These past three months I have tried to help Faith let go of the past, I have tried to help Angel let go of the past. Myself, though, I have yet to let go. When I looked at Willow today I could feel how deep that wound inside me goes. It's still open and bleeding.

I can't let things remain this way. I need to do something.

I only wish I knew what.

Go to the next story Healing

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