Than to Fall

by PhoenixFlame

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own "Buffy" or "Angel". "Fear" is by Sarah Mclachlan, the musical genius we all know and love.
Summary: Just read it...


Morning sunlight,
Like the face,
Of a newborn child,
Innocent,
Unknowing.

She woke with his name on her lips, remembering dreams of sunlight and laughter. And a passion so strong that nothing else mattered. When her eyes opened, she wanted to see him. In every shadow, and in every mirror she looked into, though she would never see his face.

Winters end,
Promises,
Of a long lost friend.
Speaks to me of comfort.

On the outside, she was normal. No one noticed that sometimes she would look up as if she expected to see someone. Or if she closed her eyes when her boyfriend gave her pale kisses that she tried to pretend were another's.

But I fear,
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to lose here,
In this lonely place.
Tangled up in our embrace,

That night, she crept into the graveyard, forsaking her friends. She waited, and they came, emerging in game face. She rose to meet them, and the fight began.

There's nothing I'd like better,

She was silent, and two of them were ashes and dust in less than a minute. Another attacked, and she danced away, throwing the stake to her left hand. They came together again, and the stake slipped into his heart.

Than to fall.

She stood there in the ashes, and finally looked down. A dull shock ran through her. She was bleeding.

But I fear,
I have nothing to give.

The pain wasn't so bad, and she sank to her knees, silent. She never even thought of calling for help. To her it seemed as if it didn't matter.

Her eyes closed, and she let go. A single word drifted away on the breeze.

Wind in toil,
Rapes the flower,
Trembling on the vine.
Nothing leads to shelter.

Her friends came then, and more people. They took her away, and when she awoke in a hospital bed, she almost cried. They spoke to her of recovering. Of getting better. And of fighting again.

She turned her head away. Sunlight streamed through the window, and she remembered what she had forgotten. From there, a seeminglessly endless parade of days passed, until she heard that he was gone. But her friends held her back, thinking that she had forgotten him. She never even saw his funeral.

From above,
They say temptation will destroy our love.

Slowly she turned away from them, until one day she came to stand in the mansion above the waves, and she stared out of the window at the cliffs below.

And the never ending heartbreak.
But I fear,
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to lose here,
In this lonely place.

In one hand she held the ring that he had given her. In the other she held a stake covered in dust. His oldest childe had thrown herself upon it, in her insanity believing that she could destroy the Slayer. But finally she had finished what he had begun.

Tangled up in our embrace,
There's nothing I'd like better,

No tears streamed down her cheeks. No demon came to lay her low. In silence she stretched out her hand, and let the rings fall into the waves below. The dawn came, and she watched it. A smile crossed her face, and she fell, going away to join him who she waited for. Her friends rushed to her side where she lay in front of the window, but it was too late.

She was free.

...Than to fall

The End

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