What Is With Life?

by PixieLiz

Summery: response to the challenge made by Christy. I'm just the challenge taking person.
Rating: same as show.
Challenge: Dawn jumped before Buffy got to the top of the tower. Buffy is majorly depressed and is not handeling it well.(She stops eating, or stops talking, or tries to kill herself, something like that) When Dawn died, everyones memory goes back to normal, except for Buffy. About a month after this, Wesley calls, saying they need Buffy to go to LA to help fight a powerful demon. Also, the AI gang don't know that Buffy's mom died, or anything about Dawn.
Requirements-
*Buffy and Angel must be together in the end, with fluff
*Spike telling Buffy that he loves her as more of a sister now. (I don't want them together, but I really like the idea of them being close friends)
*Cordelia being bitchy to Buffy
*Buffy getting jealous over Angel's new life and because Freds following Angel around
*Buffy having a breakdown and crying
*Also while Buffy is gathering weapons, shes singing to the walkman she has on, Lorne is there watching her, and Angel asks him what he sees.
AN: I'm gonna try my best at the fic, but I'm not sure I'll be able to tie all of the requirements together that well. But I'm a risk taker, I hope you enjoy it as much as my other fics. Website: Whispers Of The Past


She was dreaming again. In her dream, she started running toward the end of the platform of the tower, Buffy Dawn beat her to it. Ran past her and lept into the bright light. Buffy couldn't do anything to stop her. She was helpless. Her sister jumped in the portal and became part of the light and then was no more.

Buffy woke up in a cold sweat. She rubbed her eyes and glanced at her digital clock. The neon red numbers told her that it was 2:35 am. Not wanting to go back to sleep, she got up and went out patrolling.

While she trudged through the thick grass of the graveyard, she reflected on her dream. It had been a week since Dawn had given her life up for the world. It wasn't her job, it was Buffy's. Dawn wasn't supposed to jump off that tower to her death. But she was the only person she could share her feelings with. After her sister had leapt to her death, all her friends and all Dawn's friends just forgot about her entire existence, it was like Dawn had never been created.

Buffy had no such luck. She remember everything and had to hide it from her friends that she was dying inside, a little bit every day. She had contemplated a million times calling Angel, but that was impossible. The number he had given her at one time, had been disconnected. She felt so alone in her grief.

"Hey blondy." said a voice from behind her, with an English accent. Buffy whipped around, she hadn't even noticed him there what with being caught up in her thoughts. that would have been really bad.

"Hey." she greeted back sadly.

"What's the matter Luv?" he asked feeling his concern for her welling up inside him like a pest that wouldn't go away.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking." she turned and started walking again, Spike fell into step beside her. "I didn't know that you hang out in this cemetery." she said, started conversation to kill the ackward silence. She knew he loved her, she just didn't feel that way about him.

"I was looking for you. Besides, I wanted to expand my areas." he joked lightly. Buffy didn't laugh. He noticed that she was shaking, it was quite visable. "You're not eating again." he stated.

"I eat." she defended herself. "I just don't do the three meals a day thing."

"Look, I know I'm no doctor, but the fact that you're shaking means you've got malnutrition. That ain't good for a Slayer." Spike told her.

"Yeah, and you care because you love me so much." said it almost sarcastically.

Spike smiled. "Well... yeah. But not like I did." he told her. Buffy looked over at him, a confused expression painting her features. "It's more like you're my sister. Even though I never had a sister, I feel like I do now." he said.

Buffy tried to ignore the pang of hurt in the pit of her stomach at the mention of the word sister. But she felt comforted by his words to a certain degree. "I like that better than when you wanted to date me." she said with a little laugh.

"Well, if you ever need someone to take you to dinner..." he teased her.

For the first time in a long time, Buffy felt a fraction of the weight lift from her shoulders. It was nice having a brother. "Ha ha, very funny." she said sarcastically. then she yawned.

"You're tired, Luv. You should get home. I'll walk you." he offered.

She didn't want to go home. That was where the biggest reminders of her sisters demise were. The room where her sister slept was now an office and the room where her mother slept was always cold and empty. But no one knew her feeling and she could never share them with anyone, so she said, "Okay."

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It was two weeks after Spike had told her she was more like a sister to him, and every night of those two weeks she spent with Spike, patrolling and talking. She felt a small amount of release with him, that she didn't get from her friends during the days.

She was about to head out to see Spike one night, when the telephone rang. She moved to pick it up. "Hello?" she answered it.

"Buffy? It's me Wesley. We need you here in L.A. pronto." Wesley said, he sounded really scared.

"What's wrong?" she asked, feeling fear creep into every cell of her being, overriding even the pain of losing her sister. "Did something happen to Angel?" she asked.

"No. It's not that, it's a demon, we can't defeat it alone, we need your help Buffy." Wesley almost pleaded with her.

"Um, alright. I'll be there tomorrow morning." she told him. "Can you tell me what kind of demon it is?" she asked.

There was a pause. "We don't know what it is." Wesley replied. Buffy promised to be there as soon as she could. Then they hung up and she went upstairs to pack.

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The next morning Buffy arrived at AI headquarters. Wesley had called that morning to tell her the address of the Hyperion.She paid the cab driver and got out of the yellow vehicle. She got her suitcase out of the trunk and the cab driver sped away. She watched him go, then looked up at the tall 100 room hotel. Then headed towards the entrance.

When she stepped through the door, no one was in sight. She looked around the large lobby then descended the stairs and moved to the desk. Then Wesley popped up from behind the desk and said, "Buffy."

Buffy jumped in surprise. "Wow, you've been hanging around Angel too long." she stated with almost no emotion at all.

"So sorry." Wesley apologized. "We didn't expect you for some time. Cordelia hasn't arrived yet and Angel hasn't risen yet, either."

"Oh." Buffy acknowledged that bit of information. She looked around the large lobby again,then said, "Nice place. Must be expensive to stay here." she put down her suitcase and removed her jacket.

"Oh, let me take her coat." Wesley offered. She handed it to him. As he moved to hand it up he answered her question. "Not really. It's abandoned, we're just using it as a place of business. No one knows that Angel lives here."

Buffy nodded in understanding, then she noticed a piece of paper on the desk. It had a drawing of a nasty looking demon on it. "Is this the thing we're dealing with?" Buffy asked her former watcher.

Wesley glanced at the drawing and nodded. "We found a demon that looks simular. But Cordelia told us that it wasn't it." he filled her in on everything that had happened. All the damage the thing had done and the times that Angel caught a glimpse, but never a really good look. Then about Cordelia vision that Buffy would be able to help. Then finally the lastest happening that they found out it can shape shift.

"Sounds like a real problem you got here." buffy said.

"Oh, Fred. Good morning." Wesley greeted the girl that just came down the stairs into the lobby. Buffy turned and came face to face with a cute brunette with big doe eyes and a little girl's smile. "Um, Fred this is Buffy, Buffy this is Fred. She's the newest addition to our group." Wesley introduced them.

"Hi." Fred greeted Buffy. She held out her hand to shake Buffy's.

"Hey." Buffy said quickly, but pretended not to notice the hand that the younger girl held out. "Do you stay here too?" Buffy asked her, feeling overwelling jealously welling up inside her that this girl might be Angel's new girlfriend.

"Yeah. Angel was nice enough to let me stay here after he saved me from Pylea. I stay in the room three doors down from his. It's the second best room, Angel's got the best. His has a glass door, mine doesn't. Also mine has writing on the walls because I light to write my thoughts down." Fred said, thinking that Buffy just didn't realize that her hand was sticking out of shake hers.

Buffy nodded. She felt her jealously fade a tiny bit, but still was a bit edgey about this new female in Angel's life. "Okay. Nice to meet you Fred." Buffy said, trying to be polite. "Is Angel up yet?" she asked.

"I don't know, why?" Fred asked.

Wesley understood where Buffy was going with this. "Buffy, Fred is a friend of ours. She helps us out sometimes." Wesley told Buffy. Trying to get her to back off a bit.

"Oh. That's nice." Buffy said with an unhidden twinge of distaste for the tiny girl. "If we're going to get this slaying done, Angel's gonna have to get up." Buffy said to Wesley. "Can you call up to his room or something?" she asked, gesturing to the phone on the desk.

"Well, I suppose I could. He won't be happy." Wesley warned her.

"Tell, him I'm here and I want this over and done, so get down here." Buffy ordered him. Even when she wasn't in her town she was so used to ordering people around, she just did it without thinking.

"Right away." Wesley obeyed and pressed numbers for Angel's room. "Hello, Angel....Yes I'm aware of that, it's just..." Buffy grabbed the phone from Wesley.

"Hey, tall, dark, and handsome, get your cute butt down here." Buffy said into the phone then gave it back to Wesley.

Wesley took the phone back and held it to his ear. "Your on your way?" he said into the receiver. "Good, Buffy's being a bit impatient.... okay." then he hung up. "He on his way." he told the two girls.

After a few minutes Cordy arrived at the hotel. "Morning all." she greeted. "Buffy?" she questioned. "What are you doing here?" she asked the semi blond Slayer.

"I was invited." Buffy answered. "How are you Cordy?" she asked her ex friend, trying to be polite even though she was getting more and more jealous of how Angel seemed to have everything right now, and she had nothing.

"Yeah, like you care." Cordy spat at her and walked behind the desk to hang up her jacket. "So Wesley really did call you, huh? So you can just slay and go when your ready." Cordelia said without any caring whatsoever in her voice.

"Thanks for that Cordelia. I'll take that in consideration." Buffy shot back at the ex may queen adding an evil sneer to her response.

"Whatever. I just hope you aren't here to drive my boss over the edge." the brunette said cruelly.

Buffy had known Cordelia for a long time, but she never in her wildest dreams think that she would bring that hard time up again. "You really have no connects between your brain and your mouth do you?" Buffy said, her anger bubbling up inside the pit of her stomach.

"Well, I'd rather be a self righteous hag than be a freak that's only good at killing demons and sucking the souls out of vampires." with that Cordelia went into Wesley's office and closed the door.

"What is up with her?" Buffy said in an exasperated tone.

Wesley was shocked himself. "She's not usually like that. I sorry Buffy." Wesley said sincerely.

"It's ok." Buffy promised, then crossed her arms and constricted her throat to keep from crying. She really did not want the have to deal with Cordy's verbal fists all the while she was here. She had enough to deal with at home. "How long does it take to get dressed, for crying out loud." she murmured to herself.

"Morning, Angel." Fred chirped and went up the stairs to walk with him down the stairs. "how did you sleep."

"Fine." Angel mumbled. He was getting sick of her following him around like this. Then he looked up and saw Buffy standing at the front desk, looking so beautiful. He hadn't seen her in so long.

"Angel." Buffy greeted him.

"Buffy." he greeted back to her. Then he walked around the the back on the desk and poored himself some coffee. "Is Lorne on his way?" Angel asked Wesley.

"Yes. He should be here any..." he was cut off by the doors of the hotel opening and the green skinned demon dressed in a flashy orange suit stepped in singing at the top of his lungs.

"My love must be a kind of blind love!" Lorne sang loud enough to shake the windows in the hotel. "I can't see anyone but you!"

Buffy nearly broke down right there at the sound of that song. "I'm guessing this is Lorne." Buffy said.

Angel nodded as Lorne stopped singing and caught sight of Buffy. "Well, well, well. The girl finally makes an appearance." Lorne said almost flirtaciously. He walked up to Buffy and took her hand. "I'm Krev Lornswath, it's very nice to meet you Buffy." he kissed the top of her hand as Buffy stood in awe.

"How do you know my name?" Buffy asked him curiously.

Wesley stepped in. "Lorne is a demon who can tap into people's souls and see their paths. He can do this by listening to people sing." he told Buffy, glancing briefly at Angel.

"Angel sang? I'd pay to see that." Buffy said with a small laugh. "So, I was in Angel's path?" Buffy asked the demon.

Angel cut in. "Lorne. I need your help in the office." he caught the demon before he spilt anything from Angel's many readings. "Now." then he went into the office.

"Excuse me, m'lady." Lorne said to Buffy then followed Angel into the office.

Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "I'll take that as a yes." then everything was silent for a while. "Cool." she said with a smile.

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"I've got something." Wesley announced to the group. They had been researching the demon for two hours with nothing. "It's about the demon. Cordy, is this the one you saw?" he handed the book across the desk to Cordelia.

"Yeah, this is the one." Cordelia exclaimed. "Now, how do we kill it?" she searched he page for the way to slay the beast. "Doesn't say." she gave it back to Wesley.

Wesley looked over it. "Yes it does, right here. Separated it's head from it's body." Wesley point it out to Cordelia.

Buffy smiled. "Well, one point for the watcher, and Cordy has yet to score." She said with a smug look on her face. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, die trying.

"Butt out Bunny." Cordelia shot back.

Buffy gasped sarcastically. "Ouch, that hurt Cordy." Buffy said sarcastically. Cordy just sent her a dirty look. "So, we need axes then." Buffy said. "I'll pack the weapons, you find out where this time hangs out." she told them.

Lorne watched her head to the weapons cabinet. "Pushy thing isn't she. I can see why you love her." Lorne whispered to Angel. Angel just nodded and got to work on the books again, but Lorne kept watching her.

There was a walkman sitting on a stool, so she put on the headphones and pressed play. The Call by the Backstreet Boys, not a bad song. Soon she was singing along to the upbeat song as she picked up ax's and knives, checked them and put them in a bag. As Lorne watched her, reading her path.

The fact that Buffy was dancing around and singing hadn't gone unnoticed to Angel, but he just realized that Lorne was watching her intently. "What are you doing?" Angel asked his demon friend.

"What?" Lorne looked over at Angel briefly then back at Buffy. "Oh, nothing."

"What do you see?" Angel asked. Lorne looked reluctant. "What?"

"Well, she hates Britney Spears." Lorne offered. He looked over at Angel and saw his expression. "Okay. fine. Pain, lots of pain. I surprised that girl is still standing."

"What do you mean?" Angel asked, feeling old habits arising, the ones that told him 'Protect Buffy, Love Buffy, Take care of Buffy'.

"First her mother, then her sister. Poor girl." Lorne dabbed at a tear.

"What happened to her mother? Buffy doesn't have a sister?" Angel prodded.

"Her mother died about two months ago. And like you and everyone else have forgotten about her sister after she died. The only person that didn't forget was Buffy. A goddess was going to use her sister to open a portal. After the portal opened Buffy was going to jump into it to stop it, but her sister beat her too it. She had to watch her sister disappear, and has no one to comfort her." Lorne told Angel the whole story.

"She seems fine." Angel pointed out.

"That's her shell. The real Buffy is cowering inside, she's on the verge of getting out. I don't think that ticking time bomb will last." Lorne then looked away from the Slayer as she finished with the weapons. "Also she thinks you look sexy in your shiny leather pants." Lorne said matter-of-factly. if Angel was able to blush, he was have right then.

"I've got it's regular hang outs listed." Wesley announced. "Sewers, alleys and deserted buildings." he read the list.

"Great." Buffy said. "We leave at sunset." she said. Everyone agreed.

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When the sun set Buffy, Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn, who arrived around sunset, left the Hyperion to search for the demon. They split into groups: Buffy and Angel searched sewers and alleys and Cordy, Wes, and Gunn looking in abandoned buildings.

Buffy stayed a step ahead of Angel, hiding her eyes from his. She kept on asking herself why he insisted on wearing those leather pants. "Alleys or sewers first." she asked.

"We should check alleys first. It should be coming out of the sewers now that the sun is down." Angel answered. She nodded at his logic.

They just walked down the streets shining their flashlights in the alleyways. Then they heard a scream. "That helps." Buffy said. They both ran in the direction of the scream. When they got to the alley that the scream came from Buffy ran at the demon and delivers and flying kick, knocking the demon away from the woman it was attacking. It was the one they were looking for too, what luck. "Okay, scumbag. Let's dance."

While Buffy wailed on the demon. Angel check to see if the woman was okay. "Are you okay?" he asked the woman. She seemed to be in shock. "You're okay now." he promised her. He looked up at Buffy, who was releasing all her anger on the slimy, ugly thing. Angel almost felt sorry for it.

Buffy kicked it against the brick wall picked of her dropped ax and advanced on it. Then it shapeshifted. It turned into the image of her sister. "Buffy?" her 'sister' said. Buffy lowered the ax. "Buffy. I need a doctor, I think my arm is broken. It hurts, Buffy." the thing wearing her sister's face pleaded.

"Dawn?" Buffy said hesitantly. "But you're dead."

"No, I'm right here." then image of her sister faded a bit and the demon was replaced for a moment, then it turned back into her sister again. Buffy snapped out of it and quickly raised the ax and chopped off her 'sister's' head. Then it turned back into the demon. She dropped the ax.

The woman ran away as Buffy crumpled to the ground, and Angel ran to catch Buffy before she hit the ground. As soon as Angel's arms wrapped around her, she burst into a fit of sobs. Buffy clutched his shirt in tight fists and mumbled incoherently as Angel stroked her hair whispering sweet endearments in her ear, letting her cry.

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After a while her sobs quieted, and Angel carried her back to the hotel. He brought her up to his room and lay her on his bed, and she fell fast asleep.

As she slept, Angel showered and changed his clothes. When he was done, he walked into the bedroom and found her awake. "Thank you." she said.

"For what?" Angel asked, as if he didn't know what she was talking about.

"You know. I've been sort of shell girl, and I want to thank you for what you did." she sat up in bed. "Even though you probably don't know why I was crying."

"Yes, I did." Angel told her. She looked at him in confusion. "Lorne told me. He was reading you while you were singing today." he said sheepishly.

"Oh, well, then you know about the sister that never existed and that my mother died of an aneurysm only a short time before my sister did what I was supposed to do and jumped off the tower into that portal." Buffy said with self loathing.

Angel came and sat on the bed in front of her. "No, nothing was your fault." Angel insisted. "The fact that your mother had an illness that went for the worst and that your sister did what she didn't want you to do for her, nothing was your fault."

"If I had just gotten home ten minutes sooner. If I had just stopped Dawn. If only I could have seen it all coming." she said sadly.

"You can't go on like this. They wouldn't want you to keep blaming yourself. It's not your fault. And if you want to talk 'if's'. I've got minions, that doesn't mean that all the if's are my fault." Angel told her truthfully.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Buffy agreed.

"I am right. Buffy, I'm not saying you have to forget about them, just hold them in your heart and don't be sad. They're in a better place than this." he said. Buffy nodded and looked down at her hands.

"I don't wanna go home." she whispered.

"You have to. People need you there." he told her, knowing that was not what she wanted to here just then, but it had to be said.

Buffy got up off the bed raising her voice as she said, "Well, what about what I need?" she asked him. "What about Buffy? I have no one I can talk to."

He shook his head. "No, you have me. You've always had me." he told her.

Buffy scarcely dared to hope saying, "You mean...?" she trailed off.

"I think we should give us another try." he told her, getting up off the bed and standing in front of her.

"Really?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yeah." he replied. Then he put his arms around her and dipped his head, making their lips touch. Buffy sighed into his mouth and gave herself to the moment. She had her Angel back, this was a very good thing. And it was about time!

The End

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