It's Not Always What You Think

by Rachel

Disclaimer: Do I own them? Nope. See, my name is RACHEL, NOT Joss. None of these characters belong to me. I'm not making money off them, blah, blah, blah. Do you really think I would put B/A thru all of this and have Buffy sleeping with Riley? YUK!
Rating:  Do you watch the show?? You can read this. Maybe PG-13ish (language)
Summary: Takes place 10 years in the future. I don't want to say too much, because I don't want to give anything away. JUST READ IT!
Spoilers: Nothing much. Let's just say the entire Buffy and Angel history (I mean the show and not JUST the couple)
Author's Notes:
From Buffy's POV. ~~~~~~ I don't know how good this will be. I've never tried something quite like this before (usually senseless fluff is my style.) This is more thought and serious. Here goes!
Distribution: My site, Angel Forevermore, the groups I send them to and if everyone else can just tell me where it's going first. I'll probably say yes!
Feedback? <G> Does Angel look hott wearing leather pants? (All together now, Nod your head "YES!")


God, it was hot. 3 hours had passed since everyone entered this room. Now, my back is plastered to the fake wooden chair, my hair has gone all limp, and I literally feel as though I could sleep for about a week. My legs are all cramped up from the lack of space, and my arms are limp. God, I want to go walk around outside and get some fresh air.

And now…oh wait, I'm doing it again. Doing what my soon-to-be-ex-husband would call "only thinking about myself." He seriously thinks that all I care about is my well being instead of *his*. And that was only *one* of the problems were yelling about the other day. We have been yelling at each other for years now- always something stupid or pointless.

I glared over at him- my still-husband, sitting over the in the seat next to me. He only glared back at me, our anger towards each other striking like lightening bolts. Never in our lives had we ever been so mad at each other. I mean, sure we had our share of arguments- we had one argument that eventually drove him out of my old town, Sunnydale. But he came back to me- I was so amazed and exhilarated that he actually came back to me. I thought that I would never see him again, since he had his own "mission." I immediately accepted him back into my life without a second thought. And I thought that we could make it work again. It was *so* stupid to think that we could pull this off- that we could just pick off *right* where we left off and expect things to go okay.

See? *Stupid*

Actually, we did make it work- for a while at least. Not forever. Our relationship worked for 4 years, and those 4 years were absolutely heaven. I thought that both of us could just forget about the past- that last year we were together before we split up- and just make new, happier memories. I figured that as long as we had each other *now* our pasts wouldn't matter. But, of course, I guess that I thought wrong. Somewhere down the line of our marriage, things fell apart. That's where those 4 years of happiness faded away and turned to sorrow. We started drifting again, and it was almost that I found him to be a completely different stranger.

But now, after 3 years of dating, and almost 5 years of a very strained marriage, we were finally getting a divorce. Yay me, I was becoming part of that very large percentage of the divorced men and women of America.

And I thought that we would be one of those clichéd-married couples that would have the entire white picked fence, a dog out in the back, and two kids. In this case, however, I am grateful that we have none of these. Now, because of the divorce, we don't have to worry about any of these things. We can just get out of each other's lives- again.

OK, I know that most people would be saying, "Well, if you guys were just arguing, there are ways to get that taken care of and resolved." Bullshit, there was *so* much more than that.

He was cheating on me. And when I say "cheating on me," I mean, the whole package. The whole nine yards (And I *still* wonder where that phrase comes from) But anyway, he was sleeping with another woman. The literal translation of "cheating on me." Sure it was bad that I eventually found out he was sleeping with another woman- that after all we had gone through, he felt as though I couldn't give him the perfect happiness that he craved, but it was a little bit worse than it could have been.

Want to know how I found out he was cheating on me? I caught him. In the act, as he was…fucking this young brunette woman. I froze, thinking, <how could he do this to me?> The man, who- even though we had our disagreements from time to time- was cheating on me, behind my back- and in my own house! So…the day after that, I filed for divorce.

Over time, I had found out that he had been doing this *long* before I actually caught them. Almost at year, to be exact. When I think back to it, it's almost as though he *wanted* me to find them. That way we would finally have an excuse to admit that everything was over and it was time to move on. Yeah, I think that was pretty much what he wanted.

God, I'm a fool.

So…here I am, still sitting in this cheap, squeaking chair that I feel will give out on me at any moment. The judge is looking over everything- examining what the jury had decided. I, myself, wasn't worried. I had done nothing wrong- well, nothing that they were aware of, anyway. But there was no way I couldn't loose this case.

The case was settled. I had won the case based on the terms of adultery. I mean, the man cheated on me, so deserved every minute of punishment he'll get. Slowly sliding out of my chair, I walked up to him, lifting my head <Damn, I hate being so short> to look him in the eyes- those brown eyes that I had grown to know so well over the years. "So…I guess we're done here." I said, looking up at my now-ex-husband.  

"Yeah, I guess we are." He replied with his voice sounding husky as he looked down at me.

"Good." I replied flatly. I tried to think of something else to say- something nice, something mean- just *something*. But, in all honesty, there really was nothing left to say. Everything had already been said. I tried to smile up at the man that I had come to call my lover, best friend, husband, soul mate, and more. But now…everything was pretty much dead.

I started walking past- to get outside and get some fresh air. When, suddenly, my ex-husband reached out for me, pulling me closer to him. "I guess that an `I'm sorry' really wouldn't help, huh?" he tried to joke with me- shit, was I ever tired of these jokes.  

"Riley," I started, looking him in the eyes. I tried to make mine look as cold as possible. "I think it's a little bit too late for apologies, don't you?"

Riley backed away, looking sad that I couldn't have said something nice to him. Why should I? Looking back on it now, I guess that I should have realized that this- us being together would have never really worked. I mean, the exact same thing happened to us before- with the vampires getting paid to suck his blood. Foolish me, I thought he had grown out of it. I guess not.

"I kinda figured you'd say something like that." Riley said back to me, before his lawyer began pushing him out the doors, away from me. And for what would hopefully be the last time, I watched Riley Finn walk out of those double doors and out of my life- for good.  

I stood there as the courtroom cleared out, thinking about my life. How I had foolishly married a man I didn't truly love. I tried to convince myself that I *did* love him, but that was futile.

After all, I was only meant to be with one man- one man who loved me more than life itself. From behind me, I felt a pair of gentle, yet strong, arms wrap around my waist. <Ahh, speaking of that man…> I thought, spinning around and meeting lips with him. "Angel," I whispered to him a few seconds later.

Angel smiled down at me- God, I love it when he does that. "Hey. I see you won yourself a case, here." He said, looking around the room. He had been here the whole time- watching me as I sat there in front of the judge. I could feel him staring at me- that weird and sweet tingle I got in my body whenever we were near each other.

"Yeah, I sure did. Free at last, I am free at last." I joked, looking up at him. <Okay, maybe being short isn't so bad after all,> I thought.

Secretly and unknown to anyone else, I had been cheating on Riley *long* before he started cheating on me. Hell, Riley could have sued my ass also- on the same terms and everything, and he would have gotten away with it also. Ha, I just know how to hide things better than he can. Come along with being a Slayer- excuse me: retired Slayer.

See what happened was, Angel got his "shanshu" about 4 years ago. He became human- my dream of all dreams. What I have been wishing forever since I was 16, which seems literally, like a lifetime ago. However, he came back to me and saw that I was with Riley again- after he assumed he had left.

So, guess what we were trying again. You wanna know?

Yep, you've got it: the whole "we're just friends" thing. However, HELLO! *Human* Angel? Well, the "being friends" thing really didn't last for long. We took that big step together, and when I woke up in his arms for the first time ever, I knew that my life with Riley was gone. Finished.

But I'm glad. I've never been happier in my whole life. Riley is gone, and now I have my Angel with me. I couldn't really ask for more. And even though it took me a long 10 years to get here, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because, honestly, the time that Angel and I spent apart has helped us become closer that we ever were before.

"What are you thinking about?" Angel asked me, looking down at me as I thought.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing important. Just how glad I am that this day is over with." I said, sighing as I reached over and picked up my purse.

Angel took my hand and began walking with me outside the courtroom, smiling as we stepped out of the dreary, depressing room, and out into the sunlight, where Angel and I could finally be together and there would never again be obstacles blocking our path.

The End

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