Summary: What if Riley's beloved cows turned on him? Read to find out! This is a ridiculous, pathetic fic, but oh well. I wrote it for a Die Riley RPG, but some of you may enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I own the evil cows. Joss owns Riley (Thankfully) and the Scooby Gang.
Rating: PG-13 for violence, I guess.
Feedback: Email me at . But no one is going to like it, heh heh.
Distribution: Trust me, you don't want it. But if you do, take it.

Riley was strolling through a nice green meadow full of flowers and clover. He had come home to Iowa to see his favorite cows, Bessie, Flora, and Daisy. Bessie, Flora, and Daisy were all sisters. They had a brother, Bronco the Bull. Bronco was dead because he was sold to the slaughterhouse. Riley ate Bronco by accident, which made him sad. But he would be sadder if he had eaten Bessie, Flora, or Daisy.

"Hi Bessie!" Riley held out a flower to Bessie. Bessie grabbed it, in the process biting Riley's hand off, which she promptly devoured.

"Not nice, Bessie! Learn some manners!" Riley looked down at his bleeding stump of a hand. "Aww, darn. Now I'm not perfect looking." The fact that he never was didn't occur to him, because he was very stupid.

Riley turned to Flora. "Flora, do you still like me?" Riley had a very pouty, pathetic look on his face. Flora replied by charging forward and impaling Riley with her horns.

Riley lay on the ground bleeding. Daisy came trotting up to him. "Daisy, help!" Riley looked at Daisy pleadingly. Daisy responded by stomping on his head with her hooves, crushing Riley's skull.

Just then, the Scooby Gang pulled up in a rented tractor. Giles noticed the demonic glow in the cow's eyes. "Oh, dear Buffy, I am afraid I have some very bad news for you."

"What?" asked Buffy. "This Iowa trip was bad news enough!"

"I am afraid that these cows have been possessed by Lactaidiza, the dairy demon. They must be slain."

"Ok, then." Buffy got out a stake and stabbed each cow in the heart.

It was only then she noticed the dead body of Riley. Buffy frowned at it. "God, that corpse smells rank. Though anything is worth getting rid of the fish face."

"Hmm, this is quite curious. Riley has the symbol of Lactaidiza on his shirt! He may have raised the demon, and it possesed his cows by mistake."

"I knew something was off about him. Well, he's dead," said Buffy. She lit a match and threw it at Riley's corpse, and he was burned to ashes, along with the demonic cows.

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