The Karmic Ocean

The Karmic Ocean

DISCLAIMER: They belong to Joss. If they belonged to me, they'd be happy.
TIMELINE: Somewhere in Season 4/Season 1. After "Expecting" on Angel. No particular episode for Buffy: She and Riley have been casually dating and they have no idea about each others' secret identities. Oz hasn't left.
SPOILERS: up until Season 4/Season 1.
SYNOPSIS: Angel's curse is permanent, but will Buffy finding out about the Lost Day stand between them?
DISTRIBUTION: Yes please just notify me first.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The lyrics at the end come from the Live song "Dance With Me." The song is also the basis for the title. Angel and Buffy do some many good things that karma dictates they should get something good back.
FEEDBACK: oh please oh please oh please oh please.

Buffy moved her body to the pounding beat of the music. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard Xander say something that was supposed to be funny and she laughed mindlessly. However, she wasn't focused on her friends. A familiar warm, fuzzy feeling was invading her senses and she was focusing all her energy on shaking it off. He couldn't be here. They had agreed to stay apart. Yet all her senses were screaming that Angel was in the room.

Her control was waning and she started to look around for the love of her life. She finally spotted him, lurking in the shadows. For a second, her heart stopped. She silently cursed herself for feeling that way after such a long time. Then, she cursed him for coming back and making her feel that way.

*****

Angel watched the love of his life move sensually to the rhythm of the music. Seeing her like this, he remembered how much he loved her. He watched as Xander spoke and Buffy laughed.

'She's happy,' he thought. 'She has a normal life. I shouldn't be here.' Yet he couldn't tear himself away.

*****

"I'm gonna go get a drink," Buffy excused herself from her friends. She swung by the bar and ordered a soda. She took a sip, waiting for Angel to approach her now that she was alone. She finished her drink and it didn't appear as if Angel was going to make a move. Sighing, she started to walk over to him. The short journey across the dance floor seemed like an eternity but finally she was in front of him.

"Angel."

"Buffy." The familiar form of greeting was almost like verbal foreplay and Buffy felt a flutter in her stomach that went along with the tingling of her skin that had started the moment she felt him in the room. Determined to keep her cool, she desperately tried to squash the things her traitorous body was feeling.

"Were you just going to stand in the corner all night or were you going to tell me why you're here? I thought we agreed to stay away." Her words came out much harsher than she had intended. She was going for nonchalant, not bitter bitch.

"I'll leave if you want me to," he said, his voice low. He took a step backwards and she fought the urge to pull him back.

"Well, you've come all this way. You might as well tell me why."

Angel took a deep, unneeded breath. What would he do if he told her and she didn't care? What if she didn't want him anymore? He still couldn't give her sunlight and children and so many other things she deserved. He didn't want to be without her, but would it be too selfish to tell her?

"Angel?" she prompted softly.

"Buffy, I have something I need to tell you. I mean, it doesn't have to change anything between us if you don't want it to, but I thought you deserved to know." He paused, afraid of her reaction. "My soul is permanent."

Buffy's jaw dropped. A million and one thoughts were racing through her head. The strongest one, however, was to throw herself into his arms and kiss him with all she had. And that's just what she did. Lips melded together and hands groped. Sure, they were surrounded by dozens of people, but they had been denied so long and nothing else mattered but being in each others arms. Finally, Buffy pulled away.

"This does mean you want to give it another try, right?" Angel gave her his famous lopsided grin that made her go weak in the knees.

"Right."

"Oh Angel," she sighed, hugging him close. "How did this happen?" Angel tensed. Telling Buffy how he regained permanent control of his soul would lead to issues he didn't want to deal with quite yet.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you later. First, why don't we go somewhere more private and test out this whole soul thing?" Buffy's eyes lit up.

"Let me grab my coat."

*****

Willow and Oz walked hand in hand down the hall of the dorm. They reached Willow's room and she leaned in to kiss him goodnight.

"Uh, Wil sweetie, maybe you should spend the night at my place."

"You know I'd love to but I told you, I have an early class tomorrow."

"Yeah, but…" Oz pointed to the red scrunchie on the doorknob. It was Willow and Buffy's "don't disturb" signal, used mainly when Oz and Willow were fooling around.

"What? Who could she be in there with? I thought Riley had something to do tonight. Besids they're not at THAT stage yet."

"I think it's her business. You'll talk to her tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," the redheaded conceded. As they walked away, she shot one last worried look at the closed door.

*****

Buffy awoke the next morning held tightly in Angel's arms. She grinned as the memories of the previous night came rushing back. She glanced up, checking that the blankets she had pinned up earlier were blocking all the sunlight. Satisfied that they were, she turned back to the sleeping man beside her. She ran her hands through his hair and down over his chest. Slowly, he stirred awake.

"Hey," he said sleepily.

"Hey," she said back, smiling. She leaned down and kissed him gently. Angel's hands tangled in her hair and he pulled her down, quickly making the kiss more passionate. His hands started to roam and Buffy pulled away.

"Mmmm, sweetie, that's feels really nice, but I'm still sore from last night."

"Aw c'mon love," Angel murmured nuzzling her neck. "Where's your Slayer stamina?"

"Are you challenging my Slayer abilities?"

"Maybe I am. Whatcha you gonna do about it?" he said, teasingly.

"Well, I guess I'll have to prove you wrong."

*****

Angel kissed Buffy's sweaty forehead as the sheets settled around their bodies.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." They were quiet for a few moments letting the weight of the past twenty-four hours wash over them.

"Angel?"

"Yes, love?"

"How did this all happen? I mean, your soul and everything." Angel glanced at the small blonde Slayer lying peacefully in his arms. He knew she deserved the truth, yet he was hesitant to tell her.

"Maybe we should get dressed."

*****

"So, um, I guess this is the part where I start explaining," Angel began after they were dressed. He looked down at his hands for a moment and then back up at the woman sitting in front of him. "Buffy, there's a lot of stuff that I'm going to tell you that you're not going to like. And it's very hard for me to say so please try to just listen until I'm done, okay?" She nodded. Angel sat down next to her with a sigh.

"Do you remember my friend, Doyle?" Buffy nodded again. "Well, he died."

"Oh Angel, I'm so sorry!" Buffy exclaimed, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks. Since Doyle got visions sent by the Powers That Be, after he died, he was allowed to meet with them. I don't know why he did it, but he argued with them on my behalf. He said that I was working for my redemption and that I've proved my dedication time and time again. It turns out that the Powers have this kind of code I guess. Selfless acts lead to possession of the soul. It's normally used for people who sell their souls and want redemption, but I guess it goes for me too. Doyle argued that since I gave up my humanity for the cause, for you, I should get some reward."

"Your humanity?" Buffy asked, confused.

"Yes." He looked into his love's questioning eyes, wishing he didn't have to break this news to her. "This is the part you're not going to like. When you came to see me at Thanksgiving, you stayed for more than five minutes. You stayed for a whole day except the Oracles turned back time so no one remembers but me."

"The first time the Mohra demon jumped through the window, I didn't know how to kill it. We fought it and then followed it into the sewers. We searched for awhile but it was awkward so we split up. I stayed in the sewer and you went on the streets. I found the demon and we fought. Some of its blood mixed with mine and I became human. I went to the Oracles and they said it was permanent. I found you on the pier and we went back to my place." Not sure how to bring up the wonderful, but somewhat upsetting memories of making love Angel decided to skip that part.

"We were happy," is all he said. "But then Doyle had vision of the Mohra. I didn't want to wake you, so I went to fight it by myself. I didn't realize that I no longer had my strength and the demon almost killed me. You arrived just in time but you were so worried about me, you almost got killed as well. Afterwards, I went back to the Oracles. They said if I stayed human, you would die." Buffy's expressive hazel eyes began to fill with tears. She knew what was coming next.

"I couldn't stay human if it cost you your life. Humanity would mean nothing without you. I asked the Oracles to change me back. I was the only one who remembered so we wouldn't repeat the day." Angel realized how fast he was speaking and stopped. He glanced at Buffy who seemed to be in shock. "Are you mad?" he asked softly.

"Uh," Buffy took a deep breath, composing her thoughts. "Not really mad, no. I mean, I'm upset and really surprised, but I guess I understand your reasons and we're together now so I guess I'm all right. It's just," she drew in another breath, "wow." She paused again, trying to process it all. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have believed me if I did? Besides, the memories, however wonderful they are, are painful as well. Knowing that we had what we can never have again, I didn't want you to have to go through that. You said that you were on the verge of something good, I didn't want to ruin that. I wasn't even sure if I should come back now."

"I'm glad you did," she said, kissing him gently. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you, too."

"So, Doyle argued for you and the Powers That Be granted you your soul. What happened next?" Buffy asked, snaking her arms around his neck and manuevering onto his lap.

"Cordelia had a vision and I…"

"Wait. Hold up. CORDELIA had a vision? Cordelia Chase? Since when is she getting visions?

"Since Doyle died. She got a vision that told me to go to the Oracles, so I did. They told me that my soul was permanent and that you and I at least should work together. 'Together you are strong, apart you are dead.'"

"What?" Buffy questioned. He was obviously quoting something, but she had no idea what.

"It's something that the Mohra said."

"Oh." Buffy rested her head on Angel's shoulder. They shared a pregnant silence until Buffy asked what was on her mind. "Angel, do you think it would be possible to get back my memories of that day back?"

"What?"

"The day that you were human. I want to remember it. Do you think if I went to these Oracles you keep talking about, they would give me back my memories?"

"I don't know. They're not the most compassionate beings. Besides why do you want them?" Buffy looked up at him, surprised that he would even ask.

"Because there's a day where we were together and happy that I don't remember. I don't want there to be a whole day that I'm missing…" She looked down at her hands and noticed her watch. "Oh crap, I'm gonna be late for class." She jumped off Angel's lap and went to grab her books. "I'll be back in a hour or so. Then we can go to L.A. and the Oracles, okay? Do you have the, um," she snapped her fingers trying to remember the name, "the Gem of Amara with you? Then we can leave right away."

"I destroyed it." Buffy took her hand off the doorknob and turned around.

"What?"

"The Gem of Amara. I destroyed it." Buffy's brow furrowed.

"Why?"

"Because it had too much power. If it ever fell into the wrong hands…And whoever has it will be constantly persued by whoever wants. I had already been tortured by Spike over it and it's not an experience I'd like to repeat."

"Spike! Oh my God, I'll kill him," exclaimed Buffy. No one hurts her boyfriend. "Stupid neutered bleach blonde soap-opera watching bastard. And to think we gave him Wheaties for his stupid blood. He's out of Giles's and into the sun."

"Wait, what?" Angel asked, confused by his girlfriend's tirade.

"Oh yeah," Buffy spoke sheepishly. "Spike has a chip in his head so he can't bite people." She noted Angel's smirk. "He's been staying with Giles."

"With Giles?!?!"

"Yeah. It's a long story."

"Alright, go to class. I'll be here when you get back, then we'll talk." He took a few steps across the room and kissed her softly. She slipped her hand over his cheek and kissed him back.

"I love you."

"Love you, too. Now go or you'll be late."

*****

Buffy arrived back at her room an hour later. She opened the door to find Angel lounging on her bed, flipping through a magazine. As she entered, he looked up her with a devilish grin.

"The stuff they print in these magazines," he shook his head in disbelief, "is scandalous."

"You weren't complaining last night," she said grinning mischievously back at him and closing the door.

"Is that where you learned that?"

"Mmmhmm," she sauntered over to the bed and straddled his lap. "You wanna try it again?"

"Definitely." He pulled her head down for a passionate kiss. Tongues and limbs were becoming entwined when the door opened.

"Whoa." Willow gasped as she entered the room. "I'm sorry Buffy. I just need to get my books." Then she noticed who Buffy was kissing. "Wait, Angel, what are you doing here? What's going on?"

"Angel's soul is permanent and we're getting back together." Buffy said, feeling like her face would crack from smiling so hard.

"Wow! Oh my God! That's so great! It is great, right? You guys are happy?" Willow rambled.

"Yes, we're happy." Angel smiled, something Willow had rarely seen.

"Listen Wil, don't tell anybody yet. I wanna tell everybody myself, we'll tell everyone 'cause I know Giles is going to have a ton of questions and but as soon as it gets dark, we have some things to take care of in L.A. When we get back, I'll tell everyone everything." Angel cocked an eyebrow at her and she giggled. "Well, not EVERYthing."

"This is great, guys, really and I'd love to stay and celebrate with you guys although I'm sure you've already done that," Willow blushed, but continued, "so I'm just gonna grab my books and go to class, but first can I talk to you in the hall, Buffy?"

"Sure, Wil." Buffy climbed off Angel's lap and followed her roommate into the hall. "What's up?"

"First of all," she leaned in and gave her best friend a hug. "I'm glad you're happy."

"I am. I know we have a lot of issues and stuff to work out, but right now I can't stop smiling." She started laughing.

"Okay, so not more broody Buffy. It's kind of ironic that Angel cancels your broodiness, but that's besides the point. I know I was pushing Riley, but I just wanted you to be happy and I know that Angel makes you very happy. I haven't seen you smile this much since before Prom. Anyway, have you talked to Riley?"

"No, I kind of completely forgot about him. Oops. I'll talk to him when I get back from L.A."

"Okay, I just didn't want to say anything before you talk to him."

"Alright, thanks. How long are you gonna be out?"

"I dunno, I have class and then I'm meeting Oz for an early dinner before Dingoes practice. Why?"

"Well," Buffy said with a grin, "we still have a few hours 'til sundown and I was thinking Angel and I could get in a little smoochie time."

"Go ahead, I'll see you later." Willow started off down the hall, then turned around. "Buffy? Have fun."

"Don't worry, I will," Buffy replied, grinning for what seemed like the thousandth time that day.

*****

A few hours and lots of fun later, Angel and Buffy were in the car to L.A.

"Angel, I know last night I was a little too busy kissing your neck to tell you this, but your car is awesome."

"Glad you like."

"Yeah, so here's the deal. We have a half an hour until we get to your place, so we're are having a heart-to-heart. What's next for us?"

"Whatever you want, love."

"I like the sound of that," she said with a smirk. "But seriously, are you moving back to Sunnydale or are doing the long distance thing because I know you have your business and your life and as much as I want to be with you I don't want to ruin that for you and I can't leave 'cause of school and the whole Slayer thing."

"I know, I thought about all this before I came. I'm going to move back to Sunnydale. I still have my old apartment, but if you want me to find someplace else that's okay too."

"You still have your old apartment? You haven't lived there in two years."

"I couldn't sell it," he said softly. "It was the first place I made love to you." He took his eyes off the road for a second and glanced at his love, surprised to find a tear glistening in her eye. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I just can't believe…" She nestled against his chest and he draped his arm around her shoulders. "Don't get rid of the apartment. We have some bad memories there, but we also have a lot of good ones and we'll make more good ones. So, how does Cordelia feel about the closing of Angel Investigations?"

"Cordy's okay with it. The visions, which come along with major migraines, have stopped so she's thrilled. She's going to have to find another job, but she's had a couple good auditions recently so she's hoping the acting thing will pick up. Wesley, on the other hand…"

"Wesley? You don't mean Wesley Wyndham-Price, do you?"

"Yes, I do."

"My ex-Watcher? Mr. I'm-More-Stuffy-Than-Giles?"

"Yes."

"You're kidding!"

"Nope, he showed up a few weeks back, chasing the same demon that I was. He helped save Cordelia and we've been working together ever since. Anyway, I don't know what he's going to do next, but I'm sure he'll find something. He's a good guy."

"It sounds like you have a good life," Buffy said softly, trying to hide the twinge of sadness and jealousy.

"Yeah, they're like my family in a way that my real family never was." Angel smiled softly. He loved Cordelia like a sister and Wesley like a brother.

"Oh." Buffy felt a pang in her heart. He had friends, a business, and a nice life without her. She never gave him all those things in all their time together, but in a few short months, that had been the loneliest of her life, he had gained all these things.

"It's wasn't all good though."

"Why not?"

"Because you weren't there." Buffy smiled inwardly. He always knew what to say and she knew that he wasn't just saying it to make her feel better.

"So, I wanna know everything that has happened in your life since you moved to L.A. and I'll tell you all about college. Start talking."

*****

By the time they got to Angel's apartment, Buffy was half-asleep. She hadn't gotten any sleep the night before combined with lots of strenuous activity during the day had made her exhausted.

"Okay, let me freshen up and we'll go see the Oracles," she said through a yawn.

"Honey, you're tired. Let's get some rest and we'll go tomorrow. We can get there through the sewers."

"Alrighty." They took the elevator down to Angel's apartment and a few minutes were asleep in each others' arms.

*****

The next morning, Buffy awoke wrapped tightly in Angel's arms. She stretched luxiourously and kissed her boyfriend awake.

"Hey beautiful," he murmured.

"Hey to you too. We got to get up and go to the Oracles."

"Calm down. Let me make you breakfast."

"You cook?"

"Well it's not gourmet but I can do eggs and toast."

"Sounds delicious." Angel pulled on his robe and padded off into the kitchen. Buffy followed him a second later after running a comb thorugh her hair. She plopped down at the kitchen table. Looking back at her, Angel was caught by a memory flash of the Day That Wasn't. Sitting at the table discussing their future and later making love on the same table. Even after time was turned back, the table looked wrong to him standing in one piece. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the elevator.

"Angel? Do I smell breakfast?" Cordelia called out.

"Yes, you do, but it's not for you," he called back as Cordelia and Wesley entered the kitchen.

"Hey Buffy," Cordelia greeted breezily, "you don't mind sharing your breakfast, do you? Great, thanks a bundle. Nice PJs by the way," she commented on the shirt of Angel's that Buffy had thrown on. Cordelia took out another two pieces of bread to make more toast. Wesley however was much less comfortable.

"Hello Buffy. Nice to see you again."

"Hi Wesley. Good to see you too," Buffy responded awkwardly. After hearing all of Angel's stories, including why Wesley was fired, she felt kind of bad about how had treated her ex-Watcher throughout his tenure as her Watcher, especially around Graduation.

"We're going to the Oracles after breakfast. I need you guys to do the ritual." Angel explained, breaking the tension.

"Sure thing Angel, as long as you fork over those eggs." Buffy glanced at Cordelia, who was holding out a plate expectantly, and Angel, who was finishing up the eggs.

"Just give her some eggs, Angel." Angel gave Cordelia some eggs and she began to dig in.

"So, why are you going to the Oracles?" Wesley asked.

"It's complicated," Angel answered. Cordelia had scarfed down her eggs and placed the plate in the sink. "I have some filing to do. Come upstairs when you're ready to go to the Post Office." With that, Cordelia and Wesley went back upstairs.

"The Post Office?" Buffy questioned.

"The Oracles are under the Post Office," Angel answered.

"Hmmh," Buffy replied, taking another bite of her toast.

*****

Cordelia and Wesley had decided to drive to the Post Office but due to the sunlight, Buffy and Angel were walking hand in hand through the sewer. There was a heavy silence between them that was growing on Buffy's nerves.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"You don't have nothing-face. You have something-face." They both froze, remembering the last time they had been in a sewer and had a similar conversation. Before Prom. Forcing her thoughts back to the subject at hand, she stopped walking and forced Angel to stop at her side. "Angel, you told me once that if I ever wanted to know what you were thinking I could just ask. Well, I'm asking."

"I'm worried about what the Oracles will do."

"You're worried they won't give me my memories back?"

"No, I'm worried they will."

"Why? I thought that was kind of the point."

"It is, but I'm scared that you'll remember what it was like when I was human and you'll regret the fact that I'm not. I'm afraid that you'll be dissapointed every time I touch you and my skin is cold. I don't want you to resent me for my decision."

"Oh Angel," Buffy sighed. "Don't worry. I love you. YOU. Human, vampire, it doesn't matter to me. It never has. Sure, if you were human, things would be easier. But our lives are not supposed to be easy. If you were human, you wouldn't be able to fight along side me. That's the reason you got turned back, right? If you stayed human, I would have died and I wouldn't want to go through that again. From what you've told me, I really think that you made the right choice."

"Sure, that's what you say now," Angel murmured, bowing his head. Buffy reached up and took his face in her hands, forcing her to look him in the eye.

"I love you. Always and forever. No conditions." She slid her hands behind his neck and kissed him. The kiss deepened exponentially until they were groping each other in the sewer. "Wait, hold up," Buffy said, pulling back. "No making out in the sewers. Sewers are smelly, slimey, and not a place for naughty yet quite fabulous things."

"Right," Angel chuckled. "Come on, we have things to do."

*****

"Finally!" Cordelia exclaimed when the lovers finally emerged from the manhole.

"Sorry Cordelia, some of us had to walk. Can I have the necklace?" Wesley handed Angel a gold chain with large red gem hanging from it.

"Angel, it's beautiful. What's it for?"

"The Oracles need a gift. Here." He handed it to her. "Let's get started."

"Wait, Angel," Buffy put a restraining hand on his arm. "Can you come with me? I have no idea how to deal with the Oracles and I think I need some moral support." Seeing his hesistancy, she gave him puppy dog eyes and stuck out her lower lip. "Pleeaase."

"Okay." He took her hand and looked expectantly at Cordelia and Wesley.

"Ugh," Cordelia groaned, pulling out a book of matches. "One day and he's already whipped." Then the ritual began. A light appeared and Buffy and Angel stepped into it. Buffy felt herself being propelled through space and she landed in a large, bright room covered in blue, white and gold swirls. Two beings, matching the décor, stood in front of her. Buffy's eyes quickly scanned the room and the lack of one thing alarmed her.

"Where's Angel?"

"He has no business here. What did you bring us?" Buffy held out the necklace and it was swept from her fingers by a warm wind.

"What is your business with us?" the male Oracle demanded.

"I want my memories back. From the day you took back when Angel was human."

"That day never happened."

"Yes it did. I know it did. And I want my memories," Buffy felt herself slip into Slayer/stubborn mode. She was going to get what she wanted or she was gonna kick some ass.

"Why should we give them back?" said the female Oracle, a little more willing to negotiate.

"Because it's part of my life that you took away without my consent. I've worked hard for the Powers That Be everyday for the past five years. I've given up a lot including having the man I love more than life itself be human and I think I deserve to have my memories." Buffy was somewhat angry. How dare they make her justify herself after all she's done for them and the world.

"She is strong-willed and a good warrior," the female Oracle argued to the male Oracle. "What harm will it do?"

"Fine," the male Oracle replied. "Do what you wish." With a wave of the female's hand, Buffy felt herself being propelled backwards through space. Then, the memories hit.

*****

Angel stepped towards the light gripping Buffy's hand firmly in his own. Suddenly, he felt himself being pushed backwards and Buffy's hand being ripped from his. He didn't even have time to recover before Buffy came spilling out and fell into his arms. She looked up at his face and burst into tears.

Her face found the nook between his shoulder and his head and she cried into his chest. He pulled her close, rocking her gently and mindlessly whispering comforting words in her ear.

"Shhh, baby, it's alright. Everything's going to be okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." She clung to him like a drowning child, her tears soaking his shirt. Cordelia and Wesley stood respectfully to the side, still unsure of what was going on. A few minutes later, her whimpers subsided and she pulled back from the safety of Angel's arms.

"Well, I feel kind of foolish and I must look a mess."

"You look beautiful." Angel stood, pulling Buffy with him.

"Don't believe him, Buffy," Cordelia broke in. "He's blinded by love. You need a total make-up redo and that outfit is really last season."

"Thanks Cor," Buffy replied dryly, wiping the salty tracks of her tears of her face. "Can we get out of here?"

"Sure," Angel answered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "We'll meet you guys back at the office."

*****

Buffy and Angel were once again walking through sewers, but this time not hand in hand. Buffy's arms were wrapped tightly around her midsection as she took measured steps through the sludge.

"Buffy, are you alright?" Angel asked, placing his cool fingers gently on the small of her back.

"Yea."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"You know, I'm the one who's supposed to give the cryptic one word answers." Buffy smiled slightly.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to take everything in. I got a lot of information really fast and it kind of overwhelmed me. That's what the crying was all about." Angel quietly took her hand. "Do you know when the last time I cried was? Right after you told me you were leaving. I cried the whole night and then at Willow's the next day. But then there was Prom and the Ascension and I told myself I'd deal with it later. Then you were gone and I was numb. I just locked everything away and I haven't dealt with anything since then. I guess the memories just made me break." Angel stopped and crushed her against his chest.

"I'm so sorry, love. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know, sweetie and I'm not blaming you or trying to make you feel guilty. And definitely don't go brooding about this. I just wasn't in a healthy place, but ya know crying is cathartic and I feel better now."

"Really?"

"Really." She slid her arm around his waist and started to walk again. "We really need to stop having all our important talks in the sewers." Angel kissed her forehead and smiled.

*****

After dark, Angel and Buffy were once again on the road. There was little traffic on the way to Sunnydale and they made good time. They pulled up in front of Giles's house, both a little wary of what was waiting for them inside. Buffy had called from L.A. to tell Giles to gather the gang at his place but didn't say much else. They got out of the car and walked to the front door.

"You ready?" Buffy asked.

"Yep. You?"

"Yep." Buffy leaned up, giving her boyfriend a deep kiss, before ringing the bell.

*****

"Does anyone know why Buffy wanted to meet us all here, why she's in L.A., how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Ya know, the questions on all our mind." Xander said, plopping unceremoniously down on Giles's couch holding a large glass of soda.

"No, I told you. She was very cryptic over the phone." Giles repeated for what seemed like the millionth time. Everyone was wondering what had caused Buffy to take off to L.A. with no notice and come back a day later saying she had important news. "I just hope everything is alright."

"I'm sure it's fine Giles," Willow comforted from her perch on Oz's lap.

"Do you know something?" the currently black-haired werewolf

"No, of course not!" she said loudly yet not emphatically. "Why would I know anything?" However, she didn't have to keep her secret much longer because the doorbell rang. Giles opened it quickly and his jaw dropped.

"A..Angel. Buffy."

"Hey Giles, good to see you too. Can we come in?" Buffy brushed past him, pulling Angel behind her.

"Why, uh, yes of course."

"Buff, you wanna tell us what's going on?" Xander asked from the couch.

"Sure. Angel's soul is permanent and we're back together." Buffy surveyed the looks on everyone's face as she dropped the bomb. Giles jaw dropped once again, Xander's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, Anya seemed slightly interested, Willow was grinning and Oz…well Oz was Oz.

"Well I can certainly see why. He is very fuckable," Anya stated matter of factly.

"Anya!" Xander shrieked as Buffy blushed and Angel's eyes widened to enormous proportions.

"Well, that's Anya for ya," Buffy whispered to Angel.

"Yeah, sorry man, she's newly human and still learning the ways of our people." Xander said, addressing Angel.

"Uh, okay." Angel spoke for the first time. There was an awkward pause. "It's nice to see you all again."

"Likewise." Giles said, habitually cleaning his glasses. "I'm confused as to how this happened. When did it happen?" Buffy looked at Angel for confirmation. They had agreed to tell everyone about Angel's humanity and consequent sacrifice and she wanted to make sure that was still the plan. He nodded and they began their story.

*****

Everyone was surprisingly okay with Angel's return. As Xander had so eloquently put it, "Fish Boy and Dead Boy are both annoying, but at least Dead Boy makes Buffy happy." An hour and a half after the reunited couple arrived in Sunnydale, the whole gang sans Giles was celebrating at the Bronze. Angel had gone to get Buffy a drink and Buffy and Willow were whispering about the newly reunited couple.

"He's so sweet, Buffy, I mean he's getting you a drink and he doesn't even drink anything. Well besides blood."

"I know, it's those 18th century manners."

"I just can't believe he gave up his humanity for you. That's so amazing."

"He's amazing," Buffy sighed, gazing fondly at her lover crossing the club. They had talked out all their issues and were ready to start anew. Angel arrived at the table with Buffy's drink, but before she had a chance to take a sip a slow song came on. Buffy grabbed Angel's hand and led him out to the dance floor.

//Sittin' on the beach, The island king of love
Deep in Fijian seas, Deep in some blissful dream
Where the goddess finally sleeps, In the lap of her lover
Subdued in all her rage, And I am aglow with the taste,
Of the demons driven out, And happily replaced
With the presence of real love, The only one who saves//

Buffy wrapped her arms around her lover's neck, placing a soft kiss on his lips. The sadness of the past months had faded away and she was left with a deep-seated feeling of contentment. Angel felt the same feeling of happiness and for the first time in years was not afraid of it. He was happily in love with the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on and finally could not become his evil alter ego. Both of their tortured souls were finally at rest.

//I wanna dance with you
I see a world where people live and die with grace
The karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace
I wanna dance with you
I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds
And lead us back to a world we would not face.//

Buffy rested her head against Angel's chest, the absence of a heartbeat not disturbing her even though she remembered a time that there had been one. She didn't care whether or not he was human as long as he had his arms firmly wrapped around her.

//The stillness in your eyes, Convinces me that I
I don't know a thing, And I been around the world and I've
Tasted all the wines, A half a billion times
Came sickened to your shores, You show me what this life is for//

Angel looked down into into his soulmate's hazel eyes, finding so much love there that he was overwhelmed. In all his 250 years, he had never experienced anything as wonderful as what her love had given him. Just seeing her that one day on the steps of her school had turned his life around completely. She had given his life meaning and for that he could never express his gratitude.

Angel thought back over the past few years. He wasn't sure how Buffy could forgive him all the pain he put her throught. But somehow she did. She was a miracle and she was his.

//Sittin' on the beach, The island king of love
Deep in Fijian seas, Deep in the heart of it all
Where the goddess finally sleeps, After eons of war and lifetimes
She smilin' and free, nothin' left, But a cracking voice and a song,
oh lord//

Buffy smiled as Angel's hands slipped lower on her back, massaging in small circles. She felt unweighted down and energized, a huge difference from the past few months. Without Angel, each day seemed like such a struggle but now the bad times seemed to fade away.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too," he responded in kind. "Always."

Buffy and Angel both knew their lives would never be easy and that tomorrow would bring a whole new set of problems. But as they swayed slowly together, they found the strength to keep fighting. They would face their problems together and everything would be okay.

The End

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