RATING: R?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything in the Buffyverse.
PAIRING: B/A
DISTRIBUTION: Just ask.
FEEDBACK: thank you kindly, appreciated muchly
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Buffy has a different reaction at the end of GD. She goes temporarily psycho. (Imagine the B/A love theme playing, or if you own it, listen to it when it seems appropriate to do so. Hee hee.)
DEDICATION: Doc, who wanted another story from me.

Buffy gazed at the rolled up paper, her souvenir from the battle. She reflected back on the changes this year had brought: good Faith, bad Faith, evil Mayor, blown-up school, class protector, Angel's departure. Buffy's teeth clenched and her fist tightened. Angel leaving. She had shed her tears. She had saved his life. She had tried her hardest to accept it, to make him stay. Nothing worked. Her inability to control this part of her life made her angry and bitter all of a sudden. She had just fought the hugest battle of her short life, and her reward? She was still living. Well, nothing new there. She didn't understand why this was upsetting her so much, and she closed her eyes in frustration. When she looked up again, he was standing there. A fire truck's distance away, just staring at her. She stared right back, wondering if he could feel the rage radiating towards him. He started to turn, and it took her all of two seconds to completely lose control, and her bitterness took over.

"No," she muttered fiercely. She closed the distance in a flash, grabbed Angel's shoulder and spun him around. She started raining punches on his face, his stomach, kicking, hitting, everywhere. He didn't even try to fight back, which confused her. She was counting on the violence causing him to vamp out, like before. She was depending on that making it easier for her to stake him. She continued beating him harshly, and saw the blood starting flowing from his split lip. This triggered more rage. She started screaming at him, "You're bleeding my blood!! Mine, remember?? You drank me, my blood, and I'll be damned if I let you take my blood!! No! NO!!"

Something was wrong. He wasn't changing. "Change, dammit!!" With a powerful kick to the gut, Angel doubled over. Another kick, and he was sprawled on the ground. She quickly leapt on top of him, channeling all her rage into the fists pounding his face. "Give me back my blood!! You can't just take it and leave!! I want my BLOOD!" Nearby students watched fascinated, some edged away, eyes huge. Buffy threw another punch, aimed at his jaw, but missed. Her fist slammed into the pavement. "Shit!" she yelled, angry that Angel caused her pain without even fighting back. "Damn you! Damn y-" she halted. "Angel?" He was crying. Not quiet crying, either. He was sobbing, his entire body was shaking, there on the pavement.

Buffy's eyes darted around the crowd. Everyone was wearing looks of horror - directed at her. She looked back at Angel. His eyes were tightly shut, still sobbing. She was confused, she didn't know how to react. She slowly climbed off Angel, who immediately curled into a ball, shaking even harder. Buffy looked up at the gathered students. "Go away," she firmly commanded. "GO AWAY!" she screamed, and the students fled, scared of what they had seen their protector do.

Buffy felt like an animal. A vicious animal. Her head was spinning, filled with images - Angel drinking her, her attacking Angel, her classmates watching, frightened, Angel sobbing. She closed her eyes tight and covered her ears, rocking back and forth. Her rational self started to break through; she knew she had to calm down. She took several deep breaths. "Calm, breathe, Buffy, just breath," she told herself. "Control yourself."

She opened her eyes and felt slightly dizzy. Standing was not a possibility. Her eyes roamed around the wreckage, and landed once more on Angel. He was still in a fetal position, flinching as if he was still being hit, sobbing. She realized what had just happened, and gasped. Angel was in terrible pain, Angel was scared, and it was because of her. She crawled over to him, and sat. "Angel?" she murmered. He went suddenly still, causing Buffy to panic. "Angel? Angel, sweetie-" she reached for his face, and his eyes opened. His eyes grew huge, and he quickly flinched, pushing away from her touch. "No, stay away!" he said desperately. Buffy's lungs caved in, and her eyes filled with tears. "Angel, it's me, Buffy!" she cried out.

Angel's breath was erratic, he trembled. "Please," he whispered,"no more." Buffy covered her face in her hands, close to breaking down, tempted to run away. She started to sob along with Angel, realizing that she had made him afraid of her. She had driven him away. "Stop it, Buffy!" she said fiercely. She slapped herself. Hard. She couldn't leave it like this. She couldn't leave Angel afraid.

She quickly crawled towards him, causing him to back into the fire truck. She grabbed his face in her hands, and he started to cry harder. "Angel, stop it!" she yelled. "Stop, please, stop crying!"

He quieted a little, still afraid. "Angel, look at me," she said. He avoided her gaze, staring at the ground. " LOOK AT ME!" she bellowed, feeling sick. His eyes snapped up. "Look at me," she whispered. "please, don't be scared of me," she said, a tear slipping down her cheek. She gently caressed his forehead, cheeks, and ran her hand through his hair. "It's Buffy."

His lips trembled. "You hurt me. Buffy, you-"

"I know, Angel, and I'm sorry! I'm sorry, just please, forgive me, and don't be scared. Don't be afraid." She begged. His eyes still poured tears. "Angel, I'm sorry I scared you, but it's me, Buffy. And I- I love you. You have to beleive me. That wasn't really me." She was crying openly, still holding his face in her hands.

He slowly brought his hand up, and touched her cheek. He touched her nose, her mouth, her chin, then he touched her hands with his own. He leaned in, looked deep in her eyes, and said, " Are you you again?"

Buffy let go of his face and held his hands. She started to nod, asking, " Are you still scared?" Angel looked at their intwined hands, and breathed one word. "No." She sobbed in relief, clutching Angel to her. "Oh thank god, thank god, you're back."

Angel pulled back to look at her again. "No, thank god you're back." His eyes were welling up again, and Buffy held her breath.

"Buffy, I'm sorry - I can't do it. I can't leave." He resumed crying, grabbing her in a fierce hug. "I was wrong; I can't leave you, I - I need you too much." He kissed her hair, her shoulder, her face. "I love you too much." Buffy cried right along with him. "You don't have to leave me. I love you too, and I promise you, I will never hurt you, or scare you again." Angel held her tighter, as if he would die if he let go. "What happened to you, Buffy? Why'd you do it?"

"It was too unfair. You were taking everything. My heart, my comfort, my blood. And you didn't even want to say goodbye...." "I was trying to make it easier, for both of us," he interrupeted her.

"Well, that worked out great, didn't it? I lost my mind and almost killed you!" she sobbed. " I know, I was wrong. I'm sorry I made you hurt me. I didn't know.." His tears had stopped. "I forgive you for hurting me, Buffy. I forgive you, and I love you." She cried even harder.

"Angel, I -" she couldn't finish. He smoothed her hair back, and cupped her face.

"What is it, Buffy? What's wrong?" he questioned.

"Angel, I can't stop. I can't stop crying, and I can't - breath!" she gasped. She was hyperventilating, and badly. She was shaking uncontrollably.

"Buffy, calm down! Just close your eyes, and breathe!"

"I c-can't!" Buffy choked out. Angel let go of her to give her room to breathe. He held her hand and looked in her eyes.

"Buffy, listen to me. Listen! Look at me, focus on my eyes. Now, breath, a deep breath. You can do this, come on!" Buffy started to suck in huge gulps of air. "Now just slow down, come on, keep breathing!" She started to breath regularly, and her body relaxed.

She turned to look at Angel, who gently lifted her head. "You ok, now?" he asked, concerned.

"Depends."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you staying?" she breathed out. Her hazel eyes searched his brown ones, her hand squeezed his. His brow furrowed in thought. He started to help her up, still not answering. "Angel!" she demanded.

"Always," he responded, his face serious.

"Then I'm ok now," she answered. Angel gently wrapped her in his arms and pressed his lips to hers. They could taste each other's tears there. "Always," Angel repeated. "Always."

(SLOWLY BACK UP AND FADE OUT ON OUR SOULMATES KISSING.)

So there you have it. My alternate ending for GD. I know it got a little dark, but I decided there was enough stories where Buffy cries and cries so Angel stays, and took a different route.

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