Disclaimer….All belongs to Joss and Co…
Spoilers…Angel Season 1
Dedication…As always, to all Buffy/Angel lovers and all my fave writers, You know who you are. And a special dedication to Sara-Kate who told me to write a sequel.
Feedback….If you want

Dear Diary,

It has been so long and I have been so busy.

Busy living life to the full. I am filled with such joy that I can hardly contain it.

I am overflowing with love, with happiness, with contentment.

Who would have thought this day would ever arrive? I have been waiting for this day for most of my life. And only you dear diary know how true that is.

Want me to explain? I am writing this down so I can come and read it again and again.

Not that I will ever forget this day or the years that preceded it.

Only you know and now one other because I told him today. My love. My heart. My soul.

But you and I remember a day so long ago when I first had my dream. The dream that would sustain me through all the dark days of many years.

It is all coming back to me. The days, the years, that followed after that dream. The memories are rushing into my mind. It feels just like it happened yesterday and not nearly 40 years ago.

The truth will set me free.

I told them about me and my Angel and how things were going to be. There was silence. Then everyone started talking at once. All day they tried to convince me that I needed Riley and not my Angel. But I persisted until they realized the truth. The truth that Angel was my soulmate and I was going to be with him and no other. I told them that whatever it took and no matter how long I had to wait, I was going to be with my love one day. And then….it still gives me a warm feeling. Each and every one of my dear friends gave me their blessings. I cried tears of happiness that day let me tell you.

Then it was business as usual. Until that day, one year later! I had a visitor that changed my life. I opened the door to the last person I expected to see. You will never guess.

It was Cordelia!

We talked for hours. She told me some incredible things. Some upsetting things! Some sad things! But also something that nearly made my heart stop. I could not breathe.

She told me about Shanshu!

You do not know what that is do you? It is the most wondrous word ever written.

My love was going to become human. All his dreams would come true.

I cried that day and thanked every power in the universe for holding that hope out to my lover. (that is how I thought of him okay).

Cordy told me about all the bad stuff that they had all been thru the past year. But I could only focus on one word….Shanshu. Shanshu. Shanshu…

The next day I drove to LA.

Ah the memories.

The truth will set me free. How true those words. And how true that they gave me the courage to do what I did. I can laugh about it now but let me tell you, I was shaking like a leaf when I walked into the Hotel.

The Hotel where my love lived.

I get tingly just thinking about seeing him for the first time in so long. That gave me added courage. I was so brave, so fearless, after that. I was on a mission.

They were all there. Angel, Wesley, Cordelia, Gunn (Cordy told me about him) And Faith was thereas well.

Back track for a moment .I was okay with Faith. You see we had made peace about a year ago. We were sister slayers once more. And how could I hate her? She was helping keep my Angel alive.

Now back to my mission. He just looked at me and asked everyone to leave us alone. But I said no. I wanted everyone to hear what I had to say. Remember I was only dealing in truth now.

I walked right up to him. Looked into his eyes. I smile when I remember how worried he was at that moment. But when I finally reached out and touched his dear face. Our first touch in an eternity of time. I knew then from the emotion in those beautiful eyes that I was doing the right thing.

It was what we both needed…okay, okay , I am getting to the good bits. This is what I said word for word.

"Angel, I want you to know something very important. You belong to me. I love you more than life itself. Whatever has gone before this day is past. It is important only in the fact that it has made us the people we are today. No more lies. The truth is plain and it is simple and it is beautiful. I love you. You love me. We belong together. Not today but someday. The day is coming when I will retire from slaying and you will Shanshu (do not interrupt). Yes, I know about that. You will not make anymore decisions for me. I am waiting for you and you mister had better be waiting for me. One day we will be together.

Believe it because I believe it".

We looked at each other. He held my face so tenderly and kissed me and then he said those two sweet words. " I believe".

Then I went home. My mission was a success. We stayed apart the next five years. The temptation too great and the rewards to great, too risk a mistake.

But this time we walked away with Hope in our hearts.

Five years passed quickly . Everyone stayed alive. My love told me about a lost day, but as the tears fall I know that is for another day of writing. Ah! what a day .I remember it now as well. Part of my reward was the regaining of those memories.

At the end of those five years we all fought a great battle. I was with the gang the next day. We were recuperating.

It was a glorious day. The sky was a brilliant blue. The sun had never looked so bright. It was as if the sun had come out to celebrate some wondrous event. And then…And then he walked through the front gate. So tall and so beautiful. In my eyes, it was as if the suns rays were kissing and caressing his precious face and body .

All my dreams were contained in that glorious man walking toward me.

He touched me and I knew that no matter what the years threw at us, we would endure. We had endured. At long last, after all the trials and tribulations, and the agony of separation, we were finally coming home. Home to each other, where we would always stay.

So sorry about the tears on the page. But those memories always make me cry tears of joy. And that is what we have been blessed with over the last 30 odd years or so.

So much joy.

Here I am celebrating my 60th birthday.

Surrounded by dear friends and their families. Even my mum and dad are here with us. And dear Giles. Still with a book in his hand, though I think he is asleep. I look out over the front yard and see my treasured children and all their families playing.

How blessed I have been. But I knew this day would come. I dreamt about it so many years ago.

And yes it all came true. The best I have left for last.

He is beside me .Holding my hand. Grey streaks his hair these days. And wrinkles are around his glorious come to bed eyes. (still they entice me as I do him).

My Angel. My love. The reason for my joy is here beside me as he has been every day since he attained his Shanshu.

All our dreams have come true.

We have grown old together. And the day will come when we will die together. And then-Well it is a big universe out there, maybe we will embark on a new adventure together.

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