Disclaimer…If they belonged to me then this is what would have
happened..
Summary…What should have happened at the end of Graduation.
Authors comments…I was driving home this evening and it just came to
me. I really hate where the shows have taken my fave heroes and it
all went downhill after graduation so even though there are heaps of
fics fixing that I needed to vent and fix it too.
The end is soppy so if you don't like happy endings don't read it. It
is just a short story but I needed to write it.
Feedback.. Yes please if you want to.
Dedication… To everyone out there who still wants and knows Buffy and
Angel belong together.
She stands there alone, forlorn. Holding her graduation diploma in her hand. Fire bad – tree pretty. She – they – had saved the world again. She should feel something shouldn't she? But she doesn't. All she feels is empty. Empty and alone! So alone! He was gone! Gone! She would survive. Of course she would. She had survived before when she sent him to hell and she thought never to see him again. So she would survive but she would never be happy again. Morbid, melodramatic, but oh so true! All so sadly true.
How can one know happiness when the other half of her soul is gone?
Then she felt him. Somewhere close. Her whole body came alive knowing he was near. It was always like this. When he was near she felt complete. She hadn't known she was missing something until he came into her life. And now it was impossible not to know. Impossible not to know he was her soulmate and she needed him.
She turned and there he was. Close but also too far away. She drank in the sight of her only love. Like a starving man takes in food!
She prayed for time to stand still. For time to freeze right here! At least then he couldn't walk away from her. Then she wouldn't have to learn to live without him again. He was close but he might as well have been a million miles away. He was leaving and she was letting him go. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right but it was going to happen. Her heart cried.
Across the space that separated them she could see her misery reflected in his beautiful sad eyes. She was not alone in her pain. It was small comfort but selfishly it was a comfort. If this was her last look at Angel then she wanted it all. She wanted to look into his eyes and know that he loved her. That this parting was killing him too! She looked and she saw.
Love, pain, desperation, need, want, anger, hopelessness! It was all there. In both their eyes. The burning hunger, the need to touch each other one more time. The raw pain, knowing it wouldn't ever be enough and would only make things worse. The hopelessness of their situation. But above all that she could see the love. An eternal love that should never have happened. A Vampire Slayer and a Vampire. Even one with a soul. Unthinkable. But the look of love and need in their eyes told a different tale. Inevitable. Their love had been inevitable from the moment Destiny had thrown them together. That is what she saw. What he saw. In her eyes.
Yet all this is surpassed by the look of resignation in both their eyes. Goodbye. Goodbye my love. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. These are the words silently spoken by both of them.
He turns away, unable to hold her gaze any longer. Unable to control the pain and the longing. She watches until he is lost to her sight amidst the destruction and the smoke.
Empty! Empty and alone! She is too sad for tears. How can I do it? Never to see him again! Never to touch him again! She is heartbroken.
And then he is there. Standing in front of her. Touching distance away. She thinks it is a dream. She knows he can't be real. He left her. He walked away. It was over. Wishful thinking is what it is. She wants it so much she is hallucinating. It can't be true. But her heart knows what her mind refuses to accept. Her heart knows! And then he lifts his hand and touches her cheek and the rest of her, follows her heart. It really was him. Her Angel. He came back. Her hand holds his against her face. She whispers…
"Angel, Angel, I can't do this again. I can't let you…" Angel drags her into his arms and she hears him moan, " Never let me go. Never let me go."
And then he kisses her and she feels like she is sinking into his skin to become one entity. When they finally pull apart there is hope and happiness reflected in their eyes.
"I tried to walk away. I really did. I thought I could do it but I can't. I can't lose you. I need you. You need me. We belong together. Tell me you want that too. That you still love me."
"Oh Angel. I want you. I love you. You know I do. We can make it work. I know we can. It will be hard but we can do it. Does this mean you are staying? Tell me you will stay here with me."
"I can't stay, Buffy"
"No, no, you can't do this to me again." She turns away in despair. Angel takes hold of her arm and turns her to face him.
"Wait. Listen to me. Please Buffy. Just listen. I can't stay here in Sunnydale. It is too hard. Too dangerous. The temptation to touch you. To make love with you. To feel the peace only you can give me. It would happen again eventually. It would happen if I was here with you all the time. I, we, can't risk it. No risk is worth letting Angelus free again. No sacrifice to great to stop that from occurring. I have to go."
So, you're leaving me again. You think I am strong but I'm not. I'm not. I can't lose you again Angel. I just can't. It would kill something in me. Something that couldn't be fixed. I can't do it. But I can't be responsible for unleashing Angelus again either. Only knowing that, was I able to let you walk away. Oh God, what are we going to do." She cries. He touches her face ever so gently and wipes the tears away that are running down her cheeks.
"I have to go. Go and live somewhere else. Away from here. I have to do good. Make amends. I need to make amends so that I can live with myself. So I can be worthy of your love. (He puts his fingers across her lips to stop her protest) This is something I have to do for me. I have to do this Buffy. For me. For us. For the pain of my past. The sins of my past. I have to do this. But it doesn't have to be over for us. When I settle somewhere, not too far away. We can visit each other. Can you live with that? Do you want to? I know it is asking a lot but can you do it?"
She takes a hold of both his hands and says, "If it's the only way to keep you in my life, I can do it. I want my life to be with you. Do you want that too?"
"I always have. I lied to you in the sewer. I thought it would be easier for you if I lied. I want my life to be with you. You are my life. And we can make it happen. We can do it together"
"I love you Angel. And we can look into your curse. There has to be a way to bind your soul so that Angelus can never be freed. Willow knows things and Giles knows some powerful people. No matter how long it takes we will find a way. Together. Together we are strong. I know we are. Apart we would survive but we are weak. Promise me here and now, that no matter what, we do things together, from now on. Promise me forever, my Angel, because that is how long I will need you." Buffy implores him.
"I love you Buffy and I do promise you forever. As long as I walk this earth I am yours and when you leave it then I will follow you and then forever will truly be ours. I asked you once and I ask it again. Are you still my girl?"
"Always. Always." And so saying she pulls his head down so that she can seal that promise with a kiss.
And they lived happily ever after. Of course…
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