Spoilers:Carpe Noctem, Flooded
Summary: My take on Buffy & Angel's "secret" meeting after he founds out she's alive. A bit angsty, but with a little hope, Angel tells Buffy about Darla and Buffy tells Angel about Spike. Spoilers, kinda, for Carpe Noctem and Flooded. I didn't go into detail about what happened in the episodes, so if you haven't seen them, sorry!
Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS/Angel characters or premises!
Feedback? YES!

Los Angeles, CA October 22nd

Angel was tired. Very tired. The day had been long. Switching bodies with a malicious old man had not been pleasant, especially after the damage he had done. He could understand completely why Buffy had been so furious with Faith...Buffy. The name burned his mind. The pain was still there. But it always would be.

Angel shook his head, pushing the memory to the back of his mind as he approached the garden. He wasn't a fan of confrontations...especially if someone's feelings were to be hurt. He walked out into the garden of Hyperion and saw her sitting on the bench, reading a book.

He took a deep breath he walked up next to her. "Hi."

Fred looked up from her romance novel, quickly hiding the cover. "Hey. How's your head? Sorry about all that..." she made small swinging motions with her hands.

Angel wiped his palms on his pants. "Ah, I gather I had it coming." Fred nodded slowly.

"Yes."

Sitting down beside her, Angel smiled a little. "Fred, I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

She set her book on the bench next to her and smiled brightly at him. "Okay."

Angel paused, staring ahead into the night. She was the sweetest girl...but Cordelia was right, he had to say something before it got worse.

Fred waited, then caught on. "Is this about how you're not like other men, what with that curse and all... and how you're really fond of me, but that's as far at it goes?"

Angel looked at her, confused but relieved she said it before he had too.

"Uhm...yeah."

Fred shrugged, still smiling. "Cordelia explained it to me. She said you'd probably just screw it up."

Angel frowned. "Oh, she did, did she?" then he sighed,

"And she's probably right."

Her smile faded away as she clasped her hands together.

"What?"

"It's like something out of Fitzgerald. The man who can have everything but love. Well, maybe in some ways you're better off, because love is...well, in a way it's everything. But it's also heartache and disappointment. And those are good things to avoid."

Angel knew this, all too well and started to speak when Cordelia rushed to the balcony behind them."Angel, Willow's on the phone... She's alive! Buffy's alive!" she cried breathlessly before turning around and running back inside.

Fred, confused, glanced at Angel, who glanced at her for a moment before jumping to his feet and hurrying into Hyperion. Fred grabbed her book in her lap, what a weird name, she thought.

"Buffy?"

Sunnydale CA, October 24

Buffy and Giles stood in the living room of the Summers' house. Dawn sat on the couch, trying to piece together a broken lamp as Buffy fretted over the mounting bills. She and Giles were discussing her options when the phone rang. Buffy rose from the chair, wondering aloud.

"Who's calling me? Everybody I know lives here. I'll be back."

"I bet it's creditors. The hounding's begun. I read about it. So you think we'll starve?" Dawn asked curiously.

Giles began pacing as he skimmed over an electric bill before looking at Dawn "I very much doubt it."

"No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly-ventilated sweatshop?"

Giles stopped pacing and looked at Dawn. "Poorly-ventilated ... What have you been reading?"

Buffy returned, walking quickly through the room towards the stairs.

"Buffy, what is it?" he called after her. Buffy stopped, slowly turned to face Giles.

"Angel."

Concerned, Giles took a step toward her. "Is he in trouble?"

Buffy shook her head. "He knows that I'm..." she paused, trying to find the right words, "He, he needs to see me. I have to see him."

Giles nodded in understanding. "Yes, of course. You'll leave for L.A. tomorrow."

"Not L.A. And not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a, a place."

"I see. Well, we should get all these ... bills and things out of the way before..."

"I gotta go now." she said, cutting him off. Heading quickly to the stairs, she paused to look at him. "Um, thanks for taking care of this for me." she told him before disappearing up to her room.

Somewhere in the middle, evening, October 24th

The night was cool with fall starting to settle in. The sky was clear, the stars shining brightly. Angel waited patiently for her to arrive. If he had a heartbeat, he knew it would be racing. It was the feeling he always had when he saw her, or was about too. It was an exciting feeling, but above all, it felt right. It felt comfortable...like he was coming home. He watched the water ripple in the near-by lake. Then she was there. His back was facing her, but he knew, he could feel her.

Buffy walked up the dirt path until he came into view. She stopped to watch him for a few moments. Her heart skipped a beat, as it always did when she was around him, then ached for a moment. It wasn't like before, when he had come to comfort her after her mother's death. It was more, she knew. It would be harder to leave him this time. She had been in heaven, but had been torn out. Being near Angel was the closest she would get to heaven again for a long time.

"Angel..." she said softly, watching him turn to face her.

She was alive...really alive, he thought, a burst of joy coursing through his body.

She gave him a small smile as they began walking to each other. When he reached her, he pulled her close as they kissed deeply.

Yes, this was heaven, she thought to herself, her fingers sliding through his dark hair.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. "You're really here." he whispered.

Buffy nodded, lowering her head. Angel pulled away to look at her.

"How did it happen? I saw Willow...I knew something..."

"Magic." she said simply, a hint of ice in her voice.

"Magic? What-"

"They did a spell," she explained, "to bring me back from wherever I was."

He pulled her to a near-by stone bench to sit. She pulled her jacket around her tighter, trying to fight off some of the fall breeze.

Angel thought for a moment. "Willow performed the spell? Buffy, that kind of magic..."

"Has consequences, I know. I'm already dealing with them." she told him quietly, not quite looking at him.

Concerned filled Angel's eyes as he gripped her hand. "What's wrong? What's happening?"

"Well for one, when they brought me back, some kind of hell demon followed, possessing Xander and Dawn, trying to kill me so it could survive in this world." she remembered the fight, the demon had told her she didn't belong. And it was right.

Angel shook his head, she shouldn't have gone through that, he thought, ecspecially after being in a hell dimension for as long as she was. It was never-ending pain.

He gripped her hand tighter before looking into her eyes.

"There's more."

Buffy nodded, tears threatening to spill as she searched for the right words.

"It wasn't their fault, they didn't know." she started, staring out into the blackened lake, watching the moon bounce off the water brightly.

"They didn't know what?" he urged, almost afraid of the answer.

"I was in heaven." it was spoken quietly, but frank and to the point.

Angel inhaled deeply, suddenly feeling her pain. She hadn't been in Hell, she had been in Heaven. Happy...and for once, at peace.

"Oh, Buffy..." he whispered but stopped as she held up a hand. She blinked back a tear before turning on the bench to face him.

"At least, I think it was heaven. I felt no fear, I felt...it's almost undescribable. Peace. I felt loved, completely. I had no worries."

He watched her eyes fill with emotion. He didn't know what to say, how to comfort her. How do you comfort the one person you love more than anything, after they'd been pulled out of heaven.

"Buffy-"

"They don't know." she interuppted. It felt good, so good to tell him everything. "If they ever found out, I don't think they could deal. I know Willow couldn't." she thought of her friend who had only been trying to help...her friend who she was trying not to blame for her situation.

"I don't know what to say." he finally said, gazing at her. "I won't lie. I'm glad you're back-"

"Why? We couldn't be together when I was alive before, this isn't any different." she snapped, then sighed when she saw his hurt expression as he looked away.

"I'm sorry, Angel. That was wrong of me to say. It's just being near you...it's almost like I'm there again. At peace...happy."

He closed his eyes for a brief moment before looking at her. Would it make her feel worse if he told her he felt the same...but it didn't change anything?

Everytime he saw her, he was reminded of their time together, and the future they could of had. He remembered the Oracles stripping that day away from her mind, but leaving it to haunt his forever. He wanted so badly to make it reality, but it wasn't meant to be...not yet.

"I'm happy you're back, because when Willow told me what happened, my soul seemed to have died. I had to leave work, my friends, to recover. I dreamt of you every night. I almost couldn't stand being in this world if you weren't." he paused, thinking of the pain, the anguish he had suffered through. "And then, she called, and you were back, I didn't know what to think...but I'm here now, if there's anything I can do..." he trailed off, searching for an answer in the depths of her eyes.

Come back home with me, she wanted to tell him, but she knew she couldn't ask him that...she had already asked him to stay forever...but he didn't...couldn't.

"Just hold me," she told him, "at least for a little while."

He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

She closed her eyes, breathing him in, taking comfort in his arms. Soon, she would leave, back to Sunnydale. Back to her friends, who thought nothing was wrong, back to fighting, back to pain. Only here, in Angel's arms, was she truly living.

Angel felt her relax and sighed quietly. He wanted to pick her up and take her with him. He wanted to be there for her, to protect her, always...but he knew she would leave soon, as he would leave back to L.A., to his life of fighting, to his friends...but only in Buffy's arms, Angel knew, was he truly living.

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