SERIES: The Love Knows No Distance Series

3
SYNOPSIS: Buffy finally works up the nerve to call Angel and the subject of Parker comes up.
CONTENT: B/A sappy angst
DISCLAIMER: If I owned them, do you really think I'd be writing this? Didn't think so. They belong to the evil lord Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox (who don't know how to share), and Mutant Enemy. I'm merely an angry fan manipulating the characters for my own fun.
TIMELINE: Takes place directly after 'The Harsh Light of Day' and 'In the Dark'.
SPOILERS: The above-mentioned episodes and the rest of the series, which can be found on my page, plus general spoilers for all seasons.
DISTRIBUTION: My site, , the B A_Fluff archive, Felicity, Dreamer, Michelle...anyone else who wants it, just ask.
RATING: PG-13
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, so it's been forever since I've written one of these. I'm sorry, I've been REALLY busy. Anyway, this is my series that has Buffy and Angel talking on the phone after each episode. It's sappy angsty therapy, so bare with. This takes place after The Harsh Light of Day and In the Dark, I was inspired by watching the repeats and seeing Adam Kaufman be gay on Dawson's Creek.
FEEDBACK: I don't have to remind you to send feedback, right? *G* Didn't think so.
DEDICATION: This is for Rose, because she helped me figure out what I was gonna do with the whole Parker thing. Special thanks to Steph for helping me with the pics on my site, Janice for reminding me about the series every time she sent me feedback, and Freda for her kind words. And Jessie, look! I finally got off my ass and did another one! *L*

Buffy Summers paced in her dorm. It had been almost four days since she had sent Oz to L.A. to give Angel the Gem of Amara. Oz had since returned with little to report, simply stating that the ring had been safely delivered and Spike wouldn't be getting his cold hands on it anytime soon. She had hoped for maybe a report on how Angel was, but he hadn't said anything and she didn't push.

She slowly sank into the soft mattress of her bed, staring at the cordless phone on the nightstand, willing it to ring. The white phone just stared back at her in mockery. A picture from the Prom sat behind it, the frame holding a scrap of paper that had two phone numbers written carefully on it, along with a heart and a cute little vampire face.

They were Angel's numbers.

Just as it was Angel's face in the picture, Angel's arms wrapped possessively around Buffy's slim waist, Angel's chest she leaned against. Angel's love that she had betrayed...

Tears of hurt and sadness suddenly welled in her eyes, catching Buffy completely by surprise. Where in the world had that thought come from? It was true, though, she had made a mockery of what they had shared by giving her body to another man, one who had used her and forgotten about her before the sheets could cool.

Parker Abrams was not worth the tears. He wasn't worth the time of day, he used girls for sex and then set out to seduce a new one. It was all a game to him, and Buffy had been lonely enough and naive enough to fall for his act. And she too had been used and tossed aside, the precious gift she had given Parker thrown cruelly back in her face. She had thought it would mean more to him than just pleasure...and maybe it did. Maybe he was just confused about the feelings he had, or maybe he just was being shy all of a sudden and didn't know how to tell Buffy how he really felt. That could be it, right? He couldn't have known that he would use her like that...

Buffy sighed, shaking her head to clear it of the delusional thoughts. That's all they were, excuses to avoid the brutal truth--she had fallen hook, line, and sinker, and lost another piece of herself in the process. A piece that had belonged to Angel, and only to him...but in a way she hadn't. She hadn't made love with Parker, it had just been sex. What she had with Angel had been more, so much more...

The door opened and Buffy looked up listlessly to see her red-haired roommate entering, a huge smile on her face. Willow saw Buffy sitting quietly on her bed, legs draped over the side and gaze fixated on the phone once more. Her lower lip was jutting out slightly, a sign that she was brooding.

"I thought Angel was the only one who did that," Willow said with a smile, coming over to stand before Buffy. The Slayer looked up at her dully.

"Did what?" she asked, her gaze straying once more to the photograph by her bed.

"Brooded. You have Parker-Face, which is very un-becoming, Buffy. We've been over this a hundred times, you shouldn't dwell," Willow said, planting her hands on her hips.

"I'm not dwelling. There is no dwellage here," Buffy replied, her hand reaching out to trace Angel's face with her fingertip.

The gesture was not lost on Willow. "Oh, there so is dwellage. I think you've taken a trip to the Land of Dwelling, and I've come to order you back home. C'mon, we have psych in fifteen minutes and you know how Walsh gets if we're late," the witch said, taking Buffy's hand and pulling her off the bed.

"Psych," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Right, be Learn Girl again. Watch Parker try to get in someone else's pants. Sounds like a party."

"Buffy! I said no dwelling! Parker's not worth your time, don't give him another thought," she said sternly. Buffy cracked a half-smile.

"Sorry, Will, I'm just not used to being used like this," she said with a sigh, going over to her desk and retrieving her notebook and a short-sleeved shirt to throw over her camisole.

"I know, Buffy, but it happened and you need to move on. What about Riley, huh? He seems kinda interested..." Willow said as she picked up her shoulder bag. Buffy shot her an annoyed look.

"Last time you tried to hook me up with someone, I ended up sleeping with him and then getting dumped by him. I think I just need some time by myself, so I'd appreciate it if you backed off," she snapped, grabbing her bag and stalking out of the room, leaving Willow tight-lipped.

"Geez, I was only trying to help!" the witch muttered, closing and locking the door behind her. She ran down the hall, looking for Buffy.

She didn't catch up with her until the Slayer was half-way across the huge courtyard. Buffy was power-walking, her notebook held tightly to her chest. Willow called her name and raced to catch up to her. Buffy ignored her and continued walking, making Willow have to nearly run to keep up with her.

"Look, Buffy, I was--" she rasped.

"Will, I know you were trying to help. I'm the one who fell for his little vulnerable act," Buffy said, stopping suddenly and facing her friend. Willow nodded and wiped a piece of red hair out of her eyes, her breathing hitched sl ightly. "But could you just not push so hard? I think I need to grieve for a while before I even look at another guy."

"Buffy, I only want what's best for you," she said. Buffy smiled slightly.

"I know, Will, but I think this is something I need to do alone. When I'm ready, I'll know. And then you'll know. But until that happens, can you be the kind of friend who buys the ice cream and watches the sappy chick flicks and listens to me bitch and moan about guys?" Buffy asked, her eyes searching Willow's. Her best friend smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I think I can handle it. I've fought a ton of evil, I don't think it'll be a problem. Now, if you start buying Britney Spears or Backstreet Boys albums and listening to the sappy love songs they sing I think I'll have to do something about it," she said, holding her arms out. Buffy returned the hug briefly and laughed.

"If I do, you're allowed to do whatever you see fit to make me stop. Except turning me into a rat. You know I hate cheese," she said with a friendly smile. Willow laughed and nodded as the girls once again began walking.

"So have you heard from Angel yet?" Willow asked as they reached the science building where psych was taught. Buffy shook her head and sighed.

"He hasn't called, and I'm afraid to call him. I mean, he's called both times already, and I feel kinda weird doing it. But on the other hand, I want to know what happened with Spike," Buffy said. She paused, deep in thought, and suddenly gasped. Turning to Willow, her eyes wide with panic, she said, "You don't think Spike told Angel about Parker, do you?"

"Does he know?" she asked. Buffy nodded silently, her gaze fixated on the floor.

"He saw Parker giving me my walking papers when he had the ring. If Angel and Spike did meet up, you know he'd open his big mouth and say something..." Buffy said as they entered the lecture hall. Willow quickly found them seats next to Oz.

"Hello, ladies," Oz said with a half-smile. Willow gave him a soft kiss before turning back to Buffy.

"Why don't you ask Oz?" she suggested.

"Ask Oz what?" he questioned.

"Do you know...did Angel...do you know if Spike told Angel about me and..."

"Parker?" Oz asked, glancing in the direction of the dark-haired man. Buffy swallowed and nodded, her stomach tight with anticipation.

"Didn't say anything to me, although Angel isn't usually Share Guy," he said with a shrug. "My guess is no."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, so he's probably not mad about that," Buffy said. "Maybe he's been busy the last few days with a case and hasn't had a chance to call?"

Willow smiled reassuringly. "That's probably it. Try him after class, it'll be kinda late then." Buffy smiled and sat back in her seat as Professor Walsh began her lecture. Her gaze strayed to Parker, who had his arm slung over a beautiful blonde's shoulder and was whispering in her ear. Buffy looked away, ashamed that she was thinking of him again.

She instead tried to focus on the lecture and figure out what in the world she would say to Angel.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After class, Willow and Oz split to go get mochas at the Espresso Pump, leaving Buffy alone in the room. She glanced out the window at the fading sunlight, momentarily in awe of the sunset. She wondered what Angel had felt when he had seen it for the first time in over two hundred years. She wished she could have shared it with him...

Lighting the candle that she had gotten at the mall, she set it down next to the phone. Its aroma was supposed to calm and soothe, something Buffy needed at the moment. Her stomach had a million butterflies floating around in it as she nervously picked up the phone and sat down on the bed, taking a deep breath as she dialed his apartment. She had no idea why she was so nervous, it's not like they'd never talked before...

But this time was different. As Buffy waiting Angel to pick up, she realized that. She felt a guilt that hadn't been there before, the kind that gnawed at her wounded soul and aching heart.

Just as she was about to hang up in defeat, the line was picked up. "Hello?" Angel said gruffly, sounding as though he had just woken up.

Buffy took a deep breath. "Angel?" she said, praying silently that her voice was cheerful and normal.

"Buffy." His tone was almost cold, and Buffy flinched at the way he said her name. It wasn't filled with the love and adoration that was usually present, a simple warning that made the butterflies flap faster in her gut.

"Yeah, umm, hi," she said, mentally kicking herself for sounding so stupid. "How-how are you?"

"Fine," he replied shortly.

"Is this a bad time? Did I wake you or something? I can call back if--" she said, feeling foolish. Angel quickly cut her off.

"No, it's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway," he told her, his voice softening a tiny bit. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as she sat back against her headboard.

"How come?" she asked, suddenly concerned. If he had been hurt...

"I was thinking," he replied.

"Oh. About what?"

"You."

"Did you get the ring?" Buffy asked, changing the subject quickly.

"Yeah, I did. Thank you," Angel replied. Buffy raised a skeptical eyebrow. What was his deal? True, Angel wasn't exactly Mere. Talkative, but it was pulling teeth to get him to say two words!

"You're the one who deserved it," she whispered, her tone changing from friendly to serious. "I knew you'd keep it safe."

"I destroyed it," he announced. Buffy sucked in a breath. Destroyed it?

"Destroyed? As in no more ring? As in bye-bye daylight?" she repeated, shocked by his revelation.

"Yep. No surfing for this vampire," Angel said softly. Buffy sat extremely still, trying to absorb what he had just told her. The Gem of Amara was officially on the extinct list. Angel had destroyed it, he could be killed again. He wouldn't be invincible. He could never go out into the sunlight with her...somehow, somewhere deep in her soul, she had been hoping that he would come down to Sunnydale during the day and walk up to her in the sunlight and kiss her with all the pent-up lust and sadness she knew they both felt. She had wanted the ring to be the way they could be together, like they had both dreamed, in the sun. It would be his redemption...

"But...why? Angel that was your--"

"Redemption?" he supplied. "Nah. That's what Doyle said too. But it's not, it just looks like it. Redemption isn't handed to you on a silver platter...it's something you have to earn."

"But it wasn't handed on a silver platter, it was served on the hand of a guitarist," she joked, her throat tight.

"Buffy, you more than anyone should know that what I did was the right thing to do," Angel said softly. Buffy nodded and reached around to grab Mr. Gordo, clutching him to her chest in the hopes that he would offer her comfort...any kind of comfort.

"I know, but...Angel..." she trailed off, her voice dropping to a whisper. "We could have gone into the sun together." As she spoke the words, her eyes welled and she had to blink the tears back. She wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry...

"And that's the reason I didn't keep it. Buffy, if I had gone down there, and seen you in the sun...there was no way I could've given that ring up," Angel told her, his voice strained. Buffy swallowed, desperate to clear her parched throat. She couldn't get the words out, she wanted to say so much and she couldn't.

"Angel," she whispered brokenly. She heard his sharp intake of breath and wondered at it, the icy feeling returning to her stomach.

"But you don't need me to take you out into the sun, you have your new boyfriend. I don't think Spike told me his name...of course, I was being tortured at the time and what with the unbearable pain and all, I could have just forgotten. I'msure he'd be more than happy to take you for a walk or a picnic," Angel snapped. The air in Buffy's lungs disappeared and she fought hard to draw the needed oxygen into her burning organs. He knew. Oh, God, he knew...

"Parker," Buffy whispered, her face ashen. Angel laughed cruelly.

"It would be nice to put a face to that name, Buffy, what does Parker look like?" he asked. Buffy remained silent, trying to process everything. Angel knew that she had slept with Parker. Angel knew she had been unfaithful. Unfaithful?

"Why do you care?" she asked suddenly. "Isn't this what you wanted for me?"

"I didn't think you'd jump in bed with the first guy who paid some attention to you," Angel retorted, getting up and beginning to pace his room.

"Guess you didn't know me as well as you thought, huh?" she said, bitterness and anger laced through her voice.

Angel's tone was emotionless. "Guess not."

"So what exactly did my dear friend Spike tell you? Hmm? Did he tell you that I slept with Parker? Did he tell you that I fell for every line he fed me? Did he tell you that Parker used me? Did he tell you that I let him use me because I've become so pathetic I can't tell when someone's actually being sincere or when they're trying to get in my pants? Huh? Is that what he said?" she demanded, her voice raising to almost a scream as tears ran unchecked down her cheeks.

"Something to that affect, yeah," Angel said calmly. "I can let you go, if you want to call him or something... "

"What is your problem?!" Buffy cried, throwing her hands up in the air and closing her eyes. "Did you NOT just hear what I said? Parker USED me. All he wanted was sex. And I happily obliged. I made a choice, Angel, and I slept with him and he used me."

"When I left, Buffy, I told you I wanted you to have a normal relationship, one where you were cared for and loved and respected. I didn't mean you should go out and sleep with the first co-ed who made googly eyes at you!" Angel shouted.

Buffy's eyes bulged and she gritted her teeth to keep down several words that didn't need to be heard at that moment. "Well, gee, Angel, you aren't here anymore. You made your choice and *you* left *me*. I believe that frees me up from doing what it was you wanted," she spat, unconsciously holding Mr. Gordo tighter.

"I'm sorry I still care for you, Buffy, and I hate seeing you hurt."

"You hate seeing me hurt, yet you leave me. You break up with me in a SEWER. You claim to know what's best for me and you leave. Starting to see how that statement isn't making sense?" she shot back, taking a deep, calming breath at the end of it.

"Buffy--"

"No, Angel, for once will you just listen to me? You left me. You left me open and vulnerable for jerks like Parker to take advantage of me. I only did what you told me to do. I tried to move on, and you know what? It didn't work," Buffy told him, wiping mindlessly at the silent tears that streamed down her face.

"Buffy..." Angel whispered, his voice finally hinting at the anguish he felt. "I'm sorry about what happened to you. No one should have to go that, especially you. I've been on the other side--"

"That's right, you have, haven't you? You slept with, what, hundreds of women? Thousands? How come that hasn't come up yet?" Buffy asked, her voice laced with bitterness.

"That was different," Angel said firmly. "That wasn't me."

"No, Angel, it was you," she argued. "I'm talking about when you were human. How many women did you sleep with then?"

Angel was silent for a moment, and Buffy began to regret her words. There was no need for accusations at a time like this. She opened her mouth to speak, but Angel beat her to it.

"Look, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of when I was human. But it...all of it...that was before I met you. You changed me. I never told you this, but...Buffy, you were the first woman I made love to. Before you, it was just sex. But when we were together...that was the best night of my life," Angel said softly, his voice calm and honest. Buffy felt hot tears running freely down her cheeks. She had needed to hear that, Angelus' comments the morning after had cut like a knife, even though she knew it was just him trying to get to her. But to hear Angel say the exact opposite...

She smiled through her tears and breathed a sigh of relief. "Angel, you...you don't know how much that means to me. I mean, after Parker..." she found she couldn't speak suddenly, choking up with emotion. Swallowing hard, she continued. "I figured I must be just the *worst* person in bed and--"

"Buffy, you were perfect," Angel said firmly. "More than perfect, I...I didn't lose my soul for nothing." His voice held a hint of a smile when he said, "There was some serious happiness going on when it happened."

Buffy giggled, feeling as though a huge weight had been lifted. "Well, congratulations, you have succeeded in cheering me up. And what do we have for the lovely gentleman, Alex?" she teased, laughing again.

"I miss your laughter," Angel whispered, causing Buffy to stop. "I miss the way it would fill a room and make everyone else in the room smile because it just sounded so beautiful and innocent. I...wow, I'm mushy tonight, aren't I?"

"No," Buffy replied just as softly. "Mush is of the good, believe me. You always make me feel so..."

"So what?" he prodded.

"Special," she admitted. "Like I'm the center of the universe--"

"*My* universe," he corrected. Buffy felt herself melt completely.

"And...I miss that. That feeling of security...like, no matter what I do or how badly I screw up, I know you'll forgive me. And Angel...that means so much to me. Especially after Parker..." she broke off in fresh sobs, the guilt and pain rising in her soul once more. Angel whimpered softly and she heard him shift on his bed.

"Shh, Buffy, don't cry," he begged, "it's the saddest sound in the world. Do you want me to go down there and torture and kill him for you?"

She smiled through her tears, he could be so charming... "No, that's okay. I just gotta deal with this."

"Are you sure?" he pressed. "Because I picked up a lot of torture techniques from Angelus, I could go for days without him dying..." Buffy giggled and hiccuped.

"Thanks, I'll have to remember that," she said softly. "I just...have to move on."

"Do you...I mean, would you..." Angel took a deep breath. "Do you want me to come down to see you, to help you?"

Buffy felt her heart constrict. He was so sweet to offer to just drop everything and run to her side...she knew then that she would never find that kind of devotion anywhere else. Only Angel would do that for her...and she only wanted Angel to do that for her.

"No," she said in a small voice. "Things are under control. Thanks for offering, though. Just hearing your voice helps."

Angel sighed. "Are you sure? I hate knowing that you're in pain and that I can't do anything to help..."

"Angel, I...I feel so used," she whispered in a desperate voice. "I can't even look at him without bursting into tears...and with this added onto everything else I've been dealing with for the last five months...I'm pretty much an emotional mess."

"Things'll get better," he said firmly.

"They have to get better," she agreed. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Shh, you'll be fine," he whispered, shifting on the bed and letting out a gasp as a wave of pain flashed through his body.

"But you don't sound like you will. Angel, are you okay?" she asked, her voice suddenly worried.

"I'll be fine," Angel said comfortingly. "I just haven't healed yet."

"Healed?" she echoed, drawing her knees to her chest. If he had been hurt...

"Yeah, when Spike was trying to get the ring he knew I wouldn't tell him where it was. So he hired another vampire to get the information out of me, and hot pokers seemed to be his method of choice," Angel said, wincing as he lay back on the bed. The wounds had pretty much healed, but the new skin was still tender.

Buffy sat in shocked silence. Spike had had him tortured with HOT POKERS, just to get the ring... "Oh, God, Angel I'm sorry. I didn't know he would--wait, did you say he hired another *vampire* to torture you? Is he stupid?! Like the other guy would really give HIM the ring when he found out where it was!" she giggled, flashes of Spike running through her mind. Angel chuckled.

"No one ever said he was a *smart* vampire. But Cordy, Doyle, and Oz rescued me and I got the ring back. A little--no, a LOT worse for the wear, but I'm okay. Supernatural healing powers help," he told her reassuringly. She didn't sound convinced.

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, I don't have class tomorrow, I can go up and take care of you if--" she offered.

"No," Angel said, cutting her off. "I'll be fine, Buffy, you stay there."

"But Angel," she whined, "I don't *want* to stay here. There are all these reminders of Parker, where we ate lunch, where we went to the party, him sitting in my room laughing with me...I go to the Espresso Pump and all I can think of is him asking me what the scar on my neck was and me telling him it was an 'angry puppy'."

Angel started at her words. "I left a scar?" he asked quietly, his eyes wide with shock. She smiled slightly and raised a hand to her neck, the comfort of his mark warming her heart as she ran her index finger over the raised skin.

"It's not a big one, Angel, don't worry about it. It adds mystery and charact er, or so Willow says," she said, a hint of laughter in her tone. "And don't you DARE start brooding about it. I'm glad it's there. It's a reminder of who I belong to."

"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely.

"Angel, did you just hear me?" she asked. "I said I like it. It's comforting."

"Buffy, a vampire bite is hardly comforting," he said harshly. She tried not to flinch at his hard tone.

"Yeah, that's a good point. But it's not from any vampire, it's from the man I love. That makes it okay," she said seriously.

"I just hate knowing you have a reminder of what I did to you," he whispered brokenly.

"First of all," she said in a tone that made Angel jump. She meant business... "You only did what I forced you to do. I knew you were weak and that it wouldn't take much for the demon to come out. And second, I like it. It makes me feel closer to you."

Angel was stunned by her revelations, and he sat quietly, trying desperately to absorb everything she had just told him. He knew that when he had bitten her, his fangs had gone in deep enough to scar. But hearing that it actually had happened, that she would forever bare his mark, was mind-blowing. It also sent a wave of male pride through him, knowing he had branded her as his for eternity.

"I...I don't know what I'm supposed to say," Angel said, running a hand through his dark hair. Buffy smiled.

"You don't have to say anything," she told him.

"Okay, good. It actually makes me feel happy knowing you have something to remember me by."

"Yeah, because memories are so shoddy," she joked.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know. So you're *sure* you're okay?" she asked again, not being able to put her concerns to rest.

Angel chuckled. "Yes, Buffy, I'll be fine. Don't worry, I'll be out kicking some demon ass again in no time."

"Good to know. How's business?" Buffy asked, shifting to her side on the bed. The sunlight had faded to darkness and lights were starting to pop on outside Buffy's window. She realized with a start that they had been talking for almost half an hour.

"Slowly picking up. Word is getting out about us, thanks to Cordelia's business cards, so hopefully we'll start seeing some more business in the next few weeks. I need it, do you have any idea how expensive Cordelia's crappy secretarial skills are?" Angel joked. Buffy giggled, the sound warming Angel's soul.

"I can imagine. You have to keep her in new shoes, Angel!" she cried, playing with the corner of her bedspread.

"Yeah, but how many shoes can one person own?!"

"Angel, it's not a person. It's Cordelia," Buffy told him playfully. He feigned a sigh.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Right now *she's* making more money than I am! And I hate charging people for my services--"

"Because of the whole redemption things?"

"Yeah. She's in charge of that, though, so at least I don't have to ask people for their money. She seems like a natural at trying to get other people's money..." he laughed.

"That's Cordelia for you," Buffy replied as she giggled. She sighed suddenly. "Look, Angel, I have to go. The cafeteria closes in fifteen minutes and I need to get something to eat. Willow's been giving me these 'you're-starting-to-look-like-Calista-Flockhart-so-eat-something-now' looks and if I don't she's gonna get on my case about it."

"I understand, I need you healthy too," Angel told her. "I'd better go upstairs and make sure Doyle and Cordelia haven't killed each other."

"Is it love?"

"It will be," he laughed.

"Not as powerful as our love, though," she whispered suddenly.

Angel sat extremely still. "Never. There's nothing as powerful as that," he replied so softly Buffy could barely make out his words. She realized with a start that she was crying again, but the tears didn't bother her. She sniffled and cradled the phone close to her ear.

"Angel, I...I miss you so much," she said brokenly. Angel, hearing her tears, felt his own eyes well in response.

"Shh, Buffy, don't cry. I miss you too, every second..."

"Do you think that this'll ever get easier?" she asked, wiping at her tears with the sleeve of her shirt.

Angel swallowed. "Maybe, in time...Buffy, you--this isn't the end of us. Like you said, it's never over."

"I know," she agreed softly. "We just...needed some time apart." He nodded in agreement.

"We'll get through this and we'll be stronger for it," Angel said.

"We will..." she echoed. Buffy sighed softly, brokenly, and Angel wished that he could be able to take that pain away from her, to wrap her in his arms and his love and protect her from harm for eternity.

"So...I'll talk to you soon?" he said hesitantly. Buffy was about to reply when the door opened and Willow peaked her head through. She looked worried when she saw that Buffy was crying, but the Slayer gave her a watery smile. She smiled back hesitantly and opened the door so she and Oz could enter.

Angel mistook her silence for hesitation and quickly said, "Unless you don't want us to talk anymore, I'd understand--"

"Sorry, Willow and Oz just walked in," she apologized. Willow pointed to the phone and mouthed "Angel" and Buffy nodded, holding up her hand so she could finish her conversation before she talked to them. "But yeah, I'll talk to you soon. A few days?"

"Sounds good," Angel agreed. "I love you, Buffy."

She smiled at the sound of those words, uttered so sincerely from his lips. "I love you too, Angel. Be careful."

"You know me," he replied wryly. Buffy smiled.

"Exactly why I'm worried."

"You too. And Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let this Parker guy get to you," Angel said softly. Buffy felt her eyes well once more just at his name. "He's not worth your tears. And the offer of me coming down and torturing him for a few days for you still stands."

That elicited a giggle from Buffy. "I think that's a little drastic, but I'll remember it."

"It's not too drastic, he hurt you. I can't stand the thought of you in pain."

Buffy chose not to bring up the fact that she was in even more pain because he had left her. That was low, she knew that deep down he was right to leave, at least for a little while. They were too dependent on each other, and that was hurting their relationship.

"I know, and I think it's incredibly sweet that you would torture and maim someone for me," she giggled. "Be a good little vampire."

"Be careful," he replied.

"You know me," she echoed, repeating his words from before.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Angel. Talk to you soon."

"Yeah. 'Bye, Buffy."

"Good-bye, Angel."

Buffy clicked off the phone and sat pensively for a few moments, gathering her thoughts. Willow set her bag and light sweater down on her bed, shooting Buffy worried looks.

"It's okay, Will, I'm fine," she said as she stood and replaced the phone in its cradle.

"You're obviously not," Willow said flatly. "I *know* those tears aren't because you're happy to see me."

"Angel knew," Buffy said softly, going over to her closet and pulling out a light sweatshirt. Willow gasped and looked at Oz.

"About Parker?" Oz asked. Buffy nodded, staring at the floor. "Bummer."

"Yeah, so we got into this big fight and then we made up and he offered to torture and kill him for me," she said with a slight smile. "Oz, why didn't you tell me he had been tortured?"

"He didn't want you to know," Oz told her. Buffy pulled her sweatshirt on and zipped it halfway, going over to her dresser to pick up her hairbrush.

"Why didn't he want me to know?" she demanded.

"He said he didn't want you to worry," Oz told her. Buffy sighed and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail.

"Being tortured with hot pokers does NOT sound like a good time," she said as she applied lip gloss to her lips. Willow's eyes widened.

"Hot pokers?! Man, Angel has the worst luck when it comes to being tortured. Holy water, crosses, seeing the people he'd killed, hot pokers..." Buffy shot her a look. "I'm not helping, am I?"

"You guys ready for dinner?" Buffy asked as she slipped into a pair of sandals. Willow gave her a worried look.

"Do you want to talk first?" she asked. Buffy's lip trembled slightly before she steeled herself and shook her head.

"Maybe later when I'm a little less emotional. Five, six years from now, ask me, okay?" she replied with a small smile. Willow walked over to her and gave her a hug, stroking her hair softly.

Buffy pulled away and rubbed her eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. "Ready for dinner?"

"The caf?" Oz asked. Buffy nodded and picked up her handbag, slinging it over her shoulder. They moved to the door, Oz and Willow holding hands and walking out before Buffy. She was a bit slower, looking back longingly at the picture she had of Angel at the Prom. She stared at it for a long moment before switching off the light and closing the door behind her.

Willow, sensing her friend's distress, linked her arm in Buffy's and pulled her down the hallway. Buffy tried to smile, but her heart just wasn't in it. She wondered if it was possible to die from guilt and heartbreak.

Maybe it was best if she didn't find out.

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