SUMMARY: Angel finds out something from the Oracles that makes him reconsider his decision to erase that fateful day.
"You again." Angel stood his ground in the great hall, staring solemnly at the Oracles as they materialized before him, his gaze flickering over them nervously. This was the right thing to do. It was the good thing to do. It was the noble thing to do. If only he could go through with it...
"What have you brought me?" the female Oracle asked expectantly, her eyes lighting up as Angel held out a black vase in offering. "Famille Rose vase," he stated, tossing it in her direction. "Ching dynasty. Circa 1811." "Lovely," she purred, her hands roaming over the obsidian vase in delight. The male Oracle rolled his eyes in boredom and turned his gaze to Angel. "Why are you here, lower being?" His voice boomed and echoed in the room, making Angel swallow hard and glance down at the floor nervously. He had to know...he had to be able to do this. "The Mohra demon said the End of Days had begun. That others were coming, soldiers of darkness. I need to know if he was telling the truth." There. It was said. The male Oracle raised an eyebrow and cocked his head a bit, as though he was listening to some far-off music. "As far as such things can be told." Angel felt cold dread creep into his stomach and burrow itself there, slowly spreading throughout his body like a malicious disease. "What happens to the Slayer when these soldiers come?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly. "What happens to all mortal beings--albeit sooner, in her case," the female Oracle said, tearing her gaze away from her new vase to answer his question. Angel froze as that sunk in slowly, forcing itself through the layers of denial he was rapidly trying to build to the very pit of his soul, where it sat quietly, mocking him. Buffy would die. It was something he refused to acknowledge, refused to believe. She couldn't die. She couldn't. He wouldn't be able to live if she did. "She'll die?" He paused, fighting down the hysteria. "Then I'm here to beg for her life." The Oracles scowled and began to turn to leave, obviously disgusted with him. "It is not our place to grant life or death." Angel delivered the blow. "And I ask you to take mine back." The Oracles stopped mid-stride and spun back around to face him, their gazes incredulous--if such beings could look incredulous beneath their layers of omnipotence. Angel continued, his head nearly hanging as he gave actual
voice to his fears--forcing himself to accept them as the truth they were. "Look...I can't protect her or anyone this way, not as a man." "You're asking to be what you were, a demon with a soul, because of the Slayer?" the female Oracle asked, her voice holding a note of awe. Her counterpart scowled in disgust and turned once more. "Oh, this is a matter of love. It does not concern us." Angel's eyes widened and he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yes, it does. The Mohra demon came to take a warrior from your cause--and it succeeded. I'm no good to you like this. I know you have it in your power to make this right. Please." The last word was a plea, a plea for help, a plea for an escape from the horrifying truth that Buffy would die if he did not do this. He had to keep staring at them, he couldn't think of Buffy and how amazing it
had been to make love to her and fall asleep with her in his arms and how badly he wanted her... "What is done can not be undone." Angel snapped back into reality at his
words, feeling as though a gallon of ice water had just been splashed on him. He was about to respond when the other Oracle spoke, her hand raised. "What is not yet done can be avoided." And at that Angel felt a glimmer of hope, even though it was the sick, ironic kind of hope that one feels when the situation cannot possibly get any worse
and a solution--albeit a terrible one--presents itself. They could fix this. They could make this right. The male Oracle leaned over to speak quietly. "Temporal folds are not to
indulge at the whims of lower beings," he hissed. His counterpart looked sharply at him, her eyes hardening slightly. "You are wrong," she reprimanded. She glanced at Angel before continuing. "This one is willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love he has ever known for another. He is *not* a lower being." Angel felt humbled in that moment. He had not thought of it as a sacrifice. It was a way to keep Buffy alive longer. It was a way to insure that she would be there, fighting and protecting and living her life the way she wanted. It would keep her safe, and it would keep her strong. Love makes you do the wacky--and unthinkable. The male Oracle seemed to deflate slightly, and with a sigh he said, "There is one way. But it is not to be undertaken lightly." "We swallow this day, as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours
from the moment the demon first attacked you, we take it back." Angel felt as though his breath had been knocked out him. Somewhere, in the
darkest corner of his mind, he had been hoping for a way to keep his humanity while keeping Buffy safe. He had hoped for a break from the Powers That Be, a bit of redemption. And now they were taking it all away...they were taking Buffy away. HE was taking Buffy away. Angel licked his lips slowly, wincing as though he tasted something bitter. And he did. He tasted defeat. He tasted despair. "Then none of this happened and Buffy and I..." he trailed off as realization dawned. It wouldn't happen. They would never be together as equals, as humans... His voice was pained as he continued. "What--what'll stop us from doing the exact same thing again?" The female cocked her head to one side, studying him intently. Angel felt his heart stop at her words. "You. You alone will carry the memory of this day." He would know? He would be the only one? Everything they had done...everything he was taking away...another weight on his shoulders. Another failure. Another pain. "Can you carry that burden?" Her voice was soft, and yet inquisitive at the same time, as though she didn't quite believe he would be able to do such a thing. He looked up at her, and she witnessed his heart breaking. "I..." Angel trailed off when he realized there was nothing he could say to her. Nothing he could say to himself. Could he do it? Could he take it all away and know what had happened, what he had lost? How could he ever live without Buffy again? "There is something else to consider," she warned as she put a hand up in the
air as if to stop him, her head tilting slightly once more. Angel realized that that was how she communicated with the Powers, her eyes glossing over for a moment before she snapped back to attention. "I don't know if I can handle anything else," Angel pleaded. She motioned for him to keep silent as she shared a private look with the other Oracle.
"If you choose to erase this day, you destroy what you have created," she told him. Angel wrinkled his brow in confusion, his mind muddled. "Created?" he echoed, unsure of what she meant. "You mean the relationship we started building?" "It is something far more precious than that," the male Oracle said, barely-veiled annoyance in his tone. Angel felt his breath quicken. "You mean..." "Are you willing to give up your unborn child for your love?" the Oracle asked, her eyes shining with secrets. He froze, his heart skipping a beat. No. No, it was impossible. They couldn't have. It was a lie, a cruel joke, it-- Buffy couldn't be pregnant. He couldn't do this if she was. "Bu-Buffy...and I? We...there's...a baby?" he asked, his voice sounding small and pathetic to his ears. The Oracles watched the range of emotions flicker across his face--disbelief, amazement, love, joy, fear... Angel felt as though a violent storm raged through his body, stripping him of his defenses and leaving him open and vulnerable, raw in his new knowledge. It was impossible, it was untrue, it was...totally amazing. "If you choose to erase the day, she will be no more. But if you instead embrace your Slayer and this new life, you will live your days as a mortal man, free of your heavy burden," the female Oracle said. At her words, something inside him snapped. He would probably lose Buffy much sooner than he would if he changed back, and the mere thought of her death was enough to bring tears of helplessness to his eyes. But when it came down to it, he couldn't bring himself to erase all they could now have, the bright future shining so tantalizingly before him. There was sunlight, and children,and a future...there was marriage, and a lifetime of love and happiness, and the prospect of making love every night and growing old together. He would rather have a short time of bliss with her than an eternity without her. And now there was a child... Angel lifted his head, his mind set. His eyes bright with tears and his voice raw with emotion, he said, "I want Buffy...and I want our baby." He had just enough time to glimpse the Oracle's smile before he was thrown out of the room, back into his reality...and back into the life he had chosen. The life he could build with Buffy, where a million bright futures awaited him. He was overcome with a violent urge to see her, to crush her to him and kiss her and to drown in her essence and love. He rose on shaky legs and dusted himself off, a smile splitting across his face as he glanced once more at the Gateway before turning and fleeing. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Angel took the stairs down to his apartment, not wanting to waste time on the elevator. Buffy rose from her seat on the couch, the magazine that had been resting in her lap sliding to the floor as she uncurled her legs and stood. She smiled brightly at Angel, who was grinning like a fool. "From that expression I'm guessing you met Gwenyth Paltrow while you were out," Buffy teased. Wordlessly, Angel crossed the distance between them and swept her into his arms, spinning her around as their mouths fused together in perfect harmony, as though they had been designed to fit together. His hands roamed over her back, drawing her closer to him as they continued to kiss. Her kisses were like honey, her body molding to his as it always did, that perfect combination of softness and curves. She was soft and small and he felt the overwhelming urge to keep her safe. He would do everything he could to. They broke apart breathlessly, their eyes locking as Buffy pulled away slightly. "Does this mean you and Gwenyth are getting married?" she teased lightheartedly, slipping her arms around his waist. "She told me to tell you you're welcome to come to the wedding," Angel replied. "Am I allowed to crash it?" Buffy asked, gazing up at him with those hazel eyes that he loved so. He leaned to down to nuzzle her with his nose. "I hope you would." They stood in comfortable silence for a time before Buffy pulled back, her eyes finding his. "Where were you?" Her tone changed, becoming more serious. Angel suddenly found the wall behind her very interesting, a telltale sign that he was hiding something from her. "I..." "Angel," she said warningly, bringing her hand up to cup his cheek and turn his gaze back to hers. She spoke slowly, as though she was talking to a child. "Where were you?" "I went to see the Oracles," he muttered, trying very hard not to look her in the eye. Buffy's eyes widened involuntarily and she sucked in a breath as the information was digested. Pulling away from him abruptly, she stared at him with tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "You did what?" she hissed. Not letting him answer, she continued, "I can't believe you! You probably asked them to change you back! You did, didn't you?" Angel looked away from her accusing eyes and Buffy nearly saw red. "You did! Angel, I can't believe this! What were you thinking?! You got tired of being a regular Joe already and wanted to go back to that exciting life as a Superhero?! Did you ever even STOP to think about what *I* want? Of course not, you just make all the decisions without me and--" "Buffy," he called softly, causing her to pause in her tirade. He saw more tears brimming and quickly stepped over to her, catching a stray one with his thumb as it tracked down her smooth cheek. He was amazed at how well she knew him... "Yes, I went to ask them to change me back." She tried to protest, but he pressed a gentle finger to her lips to silence her as he drew her closer, breathing in her vanilla perfume. "I asked them to change me back because I can't protect you--or anyone else--like this. No super strength, no healing ability...I'm basically useless." "Angel--" "Shh," he chided with a sweet smile, keeping his finger against her lips. Her expression was almost comical, one of anger and fear, the tiniest bit of hope and overwhelming anguish. "They gave me a choice." "Wha-what was it?" she whispered dreadfully, her voice cracking under the weight of possibly losing him. "They would turn back time so that we would relive the day, so that I could kill Mohra before our blood mixed. Only I would have remembered yesterday and what happened," Angel told her, stroking her cheek softly, needing the physical contact. Needing her so desperately... "Everything we did? It wouldn't have happened?" Buffy asked, barely being able to believe it. Angel nodded, and she had to stifle a sob. How could he? How could he do that to her, to them? "There's another choice, beloved," he reassured her, not being able to contain the smile on his lips. She made him want to smile, laugh, shout with joy...she truly made him human. "What, they turn back time even more so that you can bet on that basketball game?" she said bitterly. "I stay human and we raise our daughter together," Angel said, ignoring her. He leaned his head down to watch her closely. Her eyes widened again, shining bright with unshed tears, as she tried very hard to process what he had just said. "What?" she asked, disbelief in her eyes. "What daughter?" "The one that's in here," Angel replied as he placed a gentle hand on her belly. Realization dawned on her face and she gasped. "You mean we..." she trailed off, lowering her gaze down to stare at his hand on her stomach in wonder. Buffy lifted a shaky hand to cover his as she tipped her head back up. "We made a baby, Buffy. Yesterday, we created a baby." The weight of his words, combined with the physical proof standing right in front of him, made something inside Angel break. A sob ripped from his lips, a sob of pure joy, caused by a dream he had never dared dream finally coming true. He collapsed to his knees before her, pressing his face into the fabric of her red dress and placing a gentle kiss on her abdomen. Buffy stared at him in shock, tears streaming unchecked down her face. Angel continued nuzzling her belly, unable to pull away. He was lost in her feel and her touch and her smell and her love...and he never wanted to be found. He was whispering to her, saying her name over and over again to make sure that she was real. Buffy threaded her fingers through his silky hair as she closed her eyes and reveled in his attention, a warm sense of awe filling her at the thought of being pregnant with Angel's child. She was pregnant. They were going to have a baby...a baby they had made out of love and passion and a million tears. She felt the wetness of his tears through her dress, and gently sank down to her knees so that they were eye level. Faintly, she traced the curve of his jaw as she pressed her forehead to his and whispered, "We're gonna have a baby?" "A beautiful baby girl...oh God, Buffy, I...I love you so much--and I want to make this work. I want you to--I want you so much...I..." Angel choked on the words, his throat tight with tears and happiness. She pressed a soothing kiss to his forehead and hugged him to her. "Shh, Angel, shh," she soothed, rocking him gently as his arms crept around her waist. "I want it too. I want everything. The house, and the kids, and the picket fence, and the dog, and the mini-van--actually, I want an SUV. But I want it all with you." Buffy nuzzled his cheek with hers. "I've always only wanted it with you." "I--I was such a fool, I was going to take it all away, I--" he babbled, incoherent in his joy. His eyes were shining and she had never seen him look that happy. < I did that > she realized, < I made him look like that >. "Angel," she called softly, causing him to close his mouth and look at her. "You're forgiven. You're going to explain it all to me later, and we're going to yell and cry and I'm going to be very hormonal about it but you're going to deal. And then we're going to forget it, and we're going to live in our house with our kids and our dog and our little picket fence and I'm going to make you so unbelievably happy that you'll never again think about it. Are we clear?" A huge smile broke out on his face, and he nearly trembled at the thought. Desperately he melded their mouths, slipping his tongue into hers as he tried to draw her into him, deep inside where he could always keep her safe. She returned his kiss eagerly, her fingers grasping at his back to pull him closer. Their kiss was full of promises and love, and everything was made blindingly clear. Suddenly the urge to make love to her, to be so deep inside of her that he would never be able to leave, was too great. He hauled her upright gently, their mouths still fused, and began leading her to the bedroom. "I love you," she whispered, breaking away from him to catch her breath. Angel was shocked to be breathing heavily. "I'm out of breath," he replied with a huge smile. "You made me be out of breath." "You do that to me every time I see you, every time you look at me in that way you do...every time you whisper to me, every time you love me, every time you're inside me, every time you're near...do you have any idea how much I love you?" Buffy asked him softly, punctuating each statement with a soft kiss. "You still my girl?" he answered with a wry smile as he gently laid her down on the bed, her hair fanning out around her like a golden halo. "Just yours. Always." Angel had never doubted it.
Well? How was it? Not my best, I know... ::sigh:: I must be losing my touch.
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CONTENT: B/A--I'm not saying whether it's angst or fluff. Although you can probably guess...
DISCLAIMER: Do I look like a middle-aged man to you? Wait, on second thought, don't answer that. I'm not Joss Whedon, in case you were wondering.
He's in time out right now because he was naughty, and I'm in charge of the characters. I don't own some of the dialogue, either, that belongs to David Greenwalt 'cause he wrote it.
RATING: PG-13
TIMELINE: The ending of 'I Will Remember You'--MY WAY
SPOILERS: 'I Will Remember You', general B/A
DISTRIBUTION: My site,
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I rewatched the episode with a friend and got this idea. It
hasn't left me alone. I know I should be working on the next part of 'Windows', but I seem to be stuck...plus I'm battling a major case of
writer's block. Gotta go where the muse takes me... Hopefully you won't be TOO disappointed. Thoughts are in < >.
FEEDBACK: It's like sex, it isn't important until you're not getting any. :-> Send some my way! I'm not too proud to beg, either...
DEDICATION: For Janice because she's been such a help with 'Windows' and is
an amazing friend. And Rachel, who asked me for an update...another one IS coming! And to all you 'shippers out there--this is for you! Don't get discouraged, that's what Joss wants!