Rating: PG-13, some language
Summary: Angel comes to Sunnydale to get married. How will Buffy deal?
Feedback: I need it! This is my first fic, so please it would mean the world to me! Thanks!
Dedication: To GOD who gave me strength in the form of Steph. Her words of encouragement has helped me so much. Without her I probably wouldn't have gotten this far. And for just being a great friend. Also go read her story "Heat In The Kitchen", it's the best.
Special Thanks: Leelee, my beta besides Steph. For her great plot questions and making sure my story made sense. And Susan for being the bestest friend in the world.

Chapter 1

Entering her small apartment Buffy threw her bags on the floor. It had been an exhausting day and she quickly went to her room and pulled her shoes off. Her expensive blue business suit was thrown into the laundry basket, where a weeks worth of laundry was piled underneath. Buffy taking a tank and sweats from her drawer changed then quietly slipped into her comfortable bed. She was sleep deprived yet sleep wasn't coming as easily as it should have. Something was on her mind, yet she couldn't pinpoint it. Was she thinking about work? Friends? Love? It couldn't be work seeing that work was great, having gotten a raise. Friends were never a real problem for her so that only left love.

What was there to say about her love life? She'd had her part of lovers over the years, but after Spike there never was anybody significant, or as others called 'the one'. There really was only one person who was 'the one'. Angel. The love she shared with him was so innocent and pure. She was never able to find that innocence and virtue in any other relationship, definitely not Riley or Spike. Riley was just nice, nothing really special about that relationship, he was her safety, the person that she could count on being there as a partner. Angel was always there for her but differently, she couldn't explain it, and that was one of the things that she loved about her relationship with Angel. No words in the English language could describe what they had shared. And then her last real relationship she had was with Spike. No! It wasn't even a real relationship, she had used him, for sex of all things. She felt horrible for using him, but everybody made mistakes and this one of the huge mistakes that she wished that she could take back so many times for so many reasons. The things he had done just because of her dumping him brought pain beyond words. Maybe it was because he was cold like Angel and was a part of Angel being his grand-childe. But mostly it was because she wanted to fill a void in herself, but she stopped trying after realizing nothing on earth would come close to what she had in heaven. Or was nothing really compared to heaven?

A headache started to form at Buffy's temples and she started to rub them with her index fingers trying to ease the pain. She was thinking too much, something she never really did because she always kept herself busy, making sure she didn't' have to think. A tingle in her toes reached her stomach and made the small blonde shiver. She'd only felt like that when HE was near, but that was impossible. But there was something different about this 'feeling', it sent eerie vibes throughout her body. Trying to forget about this 'feeling' was going to be useless seeing how her 'feelings' were always right when it came to bad news. Maybe it was part of the deal when she became the Slayer. She knew bad news was going to reach her soon, and she'd learned to believe her instincts during her years as a Slayer. But she could've lost her gut feelings after being retired two years ago. No that couldn't be, her gut instincts were always right. Buffy couldn't take this much thinking in one day. She started to roll around in her queen-sized bed before finally letting sleep take over her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The stream of sunlight from the window woke Buffy Summers up from a dreamless night of sleep. Buffy stretched her sore muscles checking the time, and seeing it was six thirty she would have plenty of time to relieve her superfluous stress by running.

Running had always made her feel so much better. It gave her a sense of freedom, freedom that she was never really able to experience while having the weight of the world on her shoulders. The wind flowing through her long honey colored hair made her feel like she was flying. She'd always wanted to fly as a child, evening breaking a leg the one time she tried to by jump off the roof. Running didn't allow her to think, something that she had been doing too much of lately. Feeling her sneakers sink into the sand and the waves crash in the morning always gave her a serene feeling.

It was eight o'clock when Buffy returned to her apartment, never once noticing how long she had run. Discarding her clothing she took a quick shower. With a robe on and her damp hair up in a towel she walked to her bedroom to find something to wear for work when the ringing of the phone stopped her. "Hello?"

"Hey Buffster." Said an all too familiar voice.

"Xander! Ahh!" Buffy screamed into the phone causing Xander to pull the phone away from his ear fearing he would lose his hearing at such a young age. "Good to know that you've missed me."

Buffy sat down on her large armchair and giggled. "How could I not miss you?" She responded sarcastically. "So how's life in New York City? Have you been mugged yet?" Buffy chuckled at her last sentence picturing Xander being mugged on a dark street.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Xander asked curiously with a small suspicion in his voice.

"Nothing Xand. It's just I...I had this weird image of you getting mugged. That's all" Buffy replied without trying to laugh, her sides were hurting painfully from trying to hold it in.

"I can defend myself for your information" He replied trying to protect his manliness. "I'm not anybody's Butt monkey." He recalled the vow he had made to himself at Dracula's castle.

"So what's with the sudden call?" Buffy asked seriously. She checked her clock and saw that it was eight thirty. She chastised herself for being distracted so easily, now she was going to be late for work, and Carol wasn't the nicest person in the morning. Buffy cradled the phone on her neck while walking into her bedroom. "Is anything wrong with you or Anya or Chris?" Concern evident in her voice when it came to her extended family.

"No nothing is wrong with baby Chris, well maybe the fact that he does miss his Aunt Buffy." Xander Harris was content with his life these days. He had gotten married to Anya, just later than expected. After going their separate ways before their wedding, fate intervened and forced them to meet again in New York City. Xander had met her at a Starbucks Café near the law firm he was working at. He had gone to New York City as an attempt to get lost in the mass of buildings and people, but he found that New York was as small as Sunnyhell was. What were the chances of meeting your ex-fiancée at a Starbucks? They had reconciled, gotten married, and in nine months Christopher Alexander Harris was born.

"So what's up?" Her voice relaxing a little after hearing this wasn't a bad call that she was expecting. She was just relieved that the awful news that she felt in her gut wasn't from Xander. Buffy rummaged through her closet and picked out a black skirt with a button down white blouse and black pumps.

"I just missed you and Anya wanted to come to Sunnydale." Xander hated lying to her, but he couldn't tell her the real reason he was coming home. The news would just break her already frail heart.

Buffy interrupted him before he could even finish. "Are you worried about where to stay? Cause you are always welcome here, you know that right. You're like family Xander you don't have to ask if you can stay here or not. That's just nonsense." Buffy flicked her hand down to show her point, although the other person couldn't see it being on the other side of the United States.

"Buffy you're babbling." Xander smiled, he loved it when she babbled showing that she was getting nervous or excited. "I'll be there within a week, two if we have a hard time getting tickets. I have to go now little Chris is crying and Anya doesn't want to be bothered. Bye." A click was heard at the end of the line.

Buffy put the phone back onto the receiver and checked her watch. "Oh shit, it's nine! Damn! Carol is gonna kill me." Buffy grabbed the rest of her things and left her apartment with lightening speed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy dragged her tired body into her large office, it was only one in the afternoon and her body felt like she had been working the entire day. She still had another 7 hours to go, she signed thinking about all the bitching from Carol she would have to endure. A knock on the door forced her to plaster a superficial smile on her face, just in case it was Carol, she had to show the boss she liked to work for her. "Come in."

The door opened to reveal, Leelee, Buffy's secretary for the past two years. A woman in her late twenties with flowing brown hair to her waist with kindness flowing from her brown eyes entered. "Buffy honey, there's a Cordelia Chase here to see you."

"Cordy?' Buffy got up and started to walk to the door. She motioned for Leelee to come inside and close the door. "Wow, I haven't seen her since my high school graduation, wonder if she is still the stuck up brat she was then."

"So obviously you know her." She was answered with Buffy's 'duh' face.

"Lee, why don't you just send her in."

"Buffy why don't you go out to lunch with her. She seems to know you well, and you look like hell and of course I mean that in the nicest possible way." Leelee said playfully with fake innocence in her eyes.

For the first time the entire day Buffy smiled. "What would I do without you?" The easiest part of Buffy's new job was finding a secretary and a great one she had found. Leelee's witty remarks and her cheerfulness reminded Buffy of her redhead best friend. Leelee made work more bearable in simple words.

"I don't know." Leelee replied with a roll of her eyes emphasizing her point.

"You know that was a rhetorical question right." Buffy shot back with a grin on her beautiful features and walked over to Leelee giving her a bear hug. "I'll be back within an hour. Ok?"

"Take your time, just as long as I don't get into hot water with Carol." Leelee answered with a sly grin on her face. Carol was Buffy's infamous boss, known for her sharp tongue and shrewd behavior. Leelee didn't get how Buffy could put up with Carol's pompous attitude, but that was one of the many reasons that Leelee admired the petite blonde.

"I'll make sure you don't get in trouble. Cross my heart." Buffy crossed her heart to show she would keep her promise. Buffy gathered her light jacket and purse and walked through the door looking forward to lunch with an old friend, well she was technically an old friend since she did date Xander.

Chapter 2

Cordelia Chase got up from her seat on the chair and walked over to Buffy and greeted her with a surprisingly long hug. "Hey. It's been so long." Cordy let go of Buffy and the blonde saw the answer to her previous question in the brunette's eyes. She wasn't a stuck up bitch anymore. Buffy couldn't believe it when she found out that Cordy was broke after Xander had accidentally spilled the news. The years without daddy's money forced her to grow up, cars, make up and the latest fashion weren't the most important things in her life. "So I heard that you are planning to take me out for lunch. That secretary of yours is a smart lady." A smile formed on the former may queen's face and the corners of Buffy's mouth curled into a small, but noticeable grin. Cordelia grabbed Buffy's hand and headed for the elevator. It was time to catch up.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The waitress placed two grilled chicken salads on the table. "If you need anything else you can just ask. Have a nice day ladies." The dirty blonde waitress walked away and the two friends continued their conversation.

"I still can't believe you're married!" Buffy said while pouring some Italian dressing onto her salad.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Cordy asked with a playful glee in her eyes.

"And to Wesley. Never thought I would see that happen." Buffy smiled and ate a piece of chicken.

"Well Wes, has changed so much. He's not so arrogant. He's…" Cordelia's waved her hand back and forth trying to think of how to describe her husband of two years. "He's normal."

"Is there such a thing as normal? Also congratulations." Buffy pointed to Cordelia's slightly protruding stomach. "How far along are you?"

Cordelia's face lit up when the subject of her unborn child was brought up, she placed a hand on her stomach with her child within it. "About four months." Cordelia could still remember the look of pure bliss on Wesley's face when she'd told him the good news. Both deserved each other, after all the pain they had went through they found comfort in each other. Wesley was able to move on with Cordelia after Gunn and Fred had gotten together. Cordelia found the perfect romance in her relationship with Wes, the perfection that lacked when she was with Groo. Many people didn't know it, but when she found out that Groo wasn't her destiny she was deeply hurt. Although, she was seen as a shallow bitch, she like every other girl dreamed of her prince charming. She's found him in Wesley and he found his soulmate in Cordelia.

"Do you know the sex of the baby?"

"Nope. Wes wants it to be a surprise, although I am dying to find out. So is there a special someone in your life." Cordy tried to bring the subject of love as lightly as possible, seeing how the former slayer's boyfriends never seemed to last. The feeling that had sent eerie vibes throughout the petite blonde's body was back again causing the draining of color from her face. This was the bad news that she was dreading since yesterday.

//Hold it together Buffy!// The blonde mentally scolded herself. "No, not really." Buffy wished that she could say that she was happily married with the love of her life. But unfortunately she was never able to find the one she was suppose to get married to. Cordelia hated to be the messenger of bad news, but Buffy was going to find out sooner or later and she was leaning towards the sooner than the later. Cordy wished she could put a smile on her friend's face, but the news that she came bearing wasn't exactly going to do that. Cordy prayed that she wouldn't be the one to bring the subject of Angel up, and remarkably she wasn't. "Angel's here isn't he?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Cordy looked up to face Buffy who was focused on the salad in front of her. "How the hell did you know?" Cordy knew that Buffy was Angel's first love, but never really got to understand how strong their bond was until now where a small glimpse of it was shown to her.

"Yesterday I just got this feeling." Buffy shrugged off Cordy's reaction and pressed on. "So why is he here?"

"Well…" Cordy let out a breath that she was holding trying to calm her nerves. "He's here to get married."

"Well, who's the lucky lady?" Buffy tried to fool Cordy with her "Congrats and no, the news you just gave me didn't break my heart into a million pieces" look. Years had made Cordy wise, and she squeezed her hand knowing that face on anybody.

"Buffy, I know that it's hard for you to accept this, but…"

The former slayer cut Cordy off and pulled her hand away from the brunette's strong grip. "Why would I have a hard time accepting that Angel moved on? It's not like I still love the guy." Her voice rising with each word, "Wouldn't that just be stupid of me if I still loved Angel? Yea, like that would happen." Buffy scoffed and stabbed her fork into a piece of chicken trying to release some of the anger inside, for still waiting for Angel. "So who is the lucky lady?"

"Her name is Darcy, Darcy Williams." Cordy didn't want to see her friend in so much pain she wouldn't wish that pain upon her greatest foe. As much as Cordelia wanted to hate Darcy because that was what girlfriends were suppose to do, she couldn't. She'd brighten up Angel's life when he was in a time of great need and it was obvious they loved each other.

"When's the wedding going to take place?" Buffy scoffed at her luck, the one man that she could say that she truly loved was going to get married. Wait. "What the hell happened to the 'happiness clause'?"

"The wedding will be in a few days, and I know he should've told you, but the stupid guy wouldn't listen to me of course."

"Cordy." Buffy's impatient voice stopped Cordy's rambling.

"Sorry. He's human." Those two little words, 'he's human' was able to break her heart all over again. Buffy started to fidget with her skirt and stared at her hands. He didn't tell her that he was human, maybe she really wasn't that important to him. So many questions of when, where, and how started to form in Buffy's already confused mind. Cordy as if she was reading Buffy's mind continued on, "Angel has been human for three years, he got it as a reward after Connor was returned to him."

Buffy looked up with even more shock on her face if that was possible. "Connor?"

Cordy mumbled to herself chastising herself for letting Connor slip. She promised herself that she was going to try and stop being such a blabbermouth, but so far it wasn't working.

"Cordy." Whoever this Connor was, obviously wasn't good news for Buffy, and she didn't know if she could handle anymore bad news for today. All the bad news she'd gotten today could have lasted her an entire lifetime. Buffy's emerald eyes urged Cordy to continue on.

The brunette grunted and made a mental note to make sure she yelled at Angel for keeping so many goddamn secrets from Buffy. "Connor is Angel's son, he's three."

Buffy's heart stopped beating for a second, and she was so pale the brunette thought that she would faint, but to her surprise the blonde started to laugh. "Wow, isn't today my lucky day. So whose the mother of Connor?" Buffy picked up her fork and started to eat her salad once again.

"Umm, are you ok Buffy?" The former may queen had never seen her like this and it was scaring her.

"Sure why wouldn't I be fine?" Buffy asked pretending that this was something that wouldn't affect her.

"Cause you're taking this too well. I mean this is Angel we are talking about here."

"Trust me Cordy, I can take all this, I've been through worst." What a liar and actress Buffy had become over the years.

"Well this evil law firm brought Darla back, Dru turned her, they did the nasty, and nine months Connor was born." It was unreal how Buffy was acting like this wasn't a big deal. //What the hell is wrong with her?//

Buffy checked her watch, relieved that an hour had past she started to put on her jacket. "Cordy, sorry, but it's been over an hour and I have to go to work. I don't want to get Leelee in trouble because of my tardiness." The former slayer chuckled lightly and took her belongings.

"Yeah sure Buffy. I'll be staying at the mansion just in case." She knew that Buffy wasn't herself and just need time for her bombshell to just sink in.

"Yea, ok." Buffy responded, giving the brunette a peck on the cheek. A twenty-dollar bill was placed on the table and before Cordy could protest Buffy was halfway across the street getting into a cab.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What a day it had been today. Buffy slid to the cold floor of her apartment and sighed, grateful that the day was over and that tomorrow she didn't have to listen to Carol. Buffy kept on repeating so many words in her head, 'he's human', 'he's getting married', 'Connor is Angel's son'. Wasn't life just ironic? He'd left to have her move on and instead here she was at 25, who hadn't had a serious relationship for three years yet alone a date. She'd waited for him and he ended up moving on, making a new life for himself. Buffy shook her head; boy did Angel know how to move on.

And why in hell couldn't she do it? The answer was simple, she didn't want to. She could tell the whole world she was over Angel and ready to move on, but she never was. She'd always thought he would wait for her, but he'd used a couple of miles to completely separate himself from her. He was human and didn't tell her, nor did he tell her about his son with Darla. It hurt. She wasn't important enough for him. He didn't tell her about becoming human, the event that could've been a turning point in their relationship, but wasn't. He kept so much from her and in one moment it was all shoved into her face. She couldn't handle it.

Rising slowly on shaky legs Buffy went to a cabinet and pulled out a large bottle of vodka. She was glad she kept all the alcohol people gave her although she hardly ever drank. She quickly opened the bottle and drank as much as she could in one gulp. She would numb the pain away; she didn't care if she got the mother of all hangovers the next day. Right now she didn't want to feel, all she wanted was the numbness. As darkness took over her, she welcomed it with open arms.

Chapter 3

The continuously ringing of the doorbell forced a fatigued blonde to get out of bed. With a pale blue robe on she went to answer the door. Who the hell was waking her up on her day off? She had the mother of hangovers and this idiot was going to regret not letting her sleep the hangover away.

A very annoyed blonde who looked like hell greeted Cordelia Wyndham-Price. "Got a major hangover right. Let me help." The brunette brushed past her friend and went into the kitchen.

Buffy closed the door and laid down on her sofa, pulling a blanket over her body. All she wanted to do was sleep. Was that such a crime? She loved Cordelia, but today just wasn't a good day for 'talking'. Cordy came into the living room with a glass of water along with two small pills in her hand and handed them to the ex-slayer. "Here take these. They always helped me when I got my visions."

Buffy raised an perfectly shaped eyebrow and swallowed the pills. "Visions?" she asked, putting the glass of water down and curling up under her blanket.

"Yea I still have them, I see people who are in trouble." Sitting on a comfy chair she continued. "A huge pain in the ass that I got from Doyle. They hurt a lot, but I became half demon so it's ok these days." Cordelia who was known as "vision girl" to her A.I. co-workers didn't hate her visions so much now. They didn't hurt as much and it gave her a real chance to do good in the world.

"Wow." Cordy was half demon and ok with it. Working with Angel sure did change her. "So why the hell did you decide to wake me up this early when you *knew* I had a hangover?" Buffy's head felt like a jackhammer was pounding into it and was clearly irritated with this interruption.

"Cause you were going to stay at hone and brood. So why don't we go shopping? Who the hell wants to spend their day off at home doing nothing?" She cocked her head to the side and scoffed. Who was crazy enough to just stay at home for an ENTIRE day? It was absurd.

"I was not going to brood for your information." Buffy said matter of factly. "And who cares if I stay at home? But… since it is shopping I can't refuse that." No matter how crappy of a mood Buffy was in, the day that she said 'no' to shopping was the day pigs flied.

The brunette jumped up grabbing her blonde friend as well. "Ok go change!" She pushed Buffy into her bedroom and closed the door. Fifteen minutes later Buffy came out wearing khaki pants with a white tank top and a jean jacket. "Let's go" Cordelia dragged Buffy out and onto the elevator. It was time to shop your troubles away!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Four hours of shopping and about twenty different stores weren't enough for Cordelia to stop shopping. Buffy thought she could shop till she dropped. HA! Cordelia brought a whole new meaning to that expression.

"Let's go into the baby clothing store. I have to get some clothing for my baby girl." Cordy suggested tapping her round stomach.

"What?!" Buffy stopped walking, unless she really was *that* out of it during yesterday's lunch break she could've sworn she heard Cordy saying she didn't know.

"Yea yesterday I found out after begging Wesley. Of course it wasn't real begging, he couldn't say no to me." She whipped her hair around and started to walk towards the Baby Gap. Buffy shook her head and picked up her twenty some bags. It was crystal clear that Wesley was in love with Cordelia, whoever couldn't see that was just plain stupid. Buffy wished she had that kind of relationship. Cordy was truly lucky and for the first time Buffy was jealous of her.

Buffy nearly bumped into the tall brunette who wasn't moving, but staring at something with her mouth open. This had to be something rather shocking for Cordy to be in public with her mouth open. Buffy looked up to see what Cordy was looking at, and in that split second her heart was in her throat. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, Darcy and Angel obviously together with a little boy holding Angel's hand. Buffy was supposed to be over him, but she couldn't help but feel a pang of jealously seeing the three of them together. They were the perfect family, the family that she had wanted to have with Angel. She remembered the day he'd told her he couldn't have children. Back then at sixteen she didn't care about kids. Even at eighteen when Angel used kids as a reason for leaving she didn't care, but years had changed that. She'd longed to have a child of her own seeing everybody around her become proud parents to a baby boy or girl. Yet no matter how much she'd want a child she couldn't picture the father not being Angel.

Angel sensing something looked up and met Buffy's hazel eyes and Cordy's angry eyes. He thought he saw something in her eyes, but they whatever it was, it was gone in a moment. "Honey, is there something wrong?" Darcy noticed an immediate change in her fiancé and didn't appreciate the way he was staring at a particular small blonde.

The former vampire snapped out of his trance and faced Darcy. "Oh it's nothing. That's just my ex-girlfriend." Sure it was nothing, maybe if he continued to say that for three years he'd believe it. Oh wait! He had done already that after he left her, but that noticeably didn't work.

"Why don't we go say hi?" Sweat started to form on Angel's forehead and he stiffened unconsciously at the idea. Why the hell was this so hard for him? He didn't love her did he? No! He was in love with Darcy. He could do this. He'd faced worse during his lifetime. Meeting the first love of his life wasn't a huge deal. Yea right! Every step seemed like an eternity. God he wouldn't have come here if he knew that just seeing her would be *this* difficult. These were the moments he cursed his humanity. If he were a vampire there would be less of a chance of actually meeting her. Damn! When did he become such a wuss? He was just going to talk to the girl. A girl that was once his light in his dark life. Stop thinking of the past!

Oh, God. Buffy couldn't breathe, he was coming here with his perfect family. A memory of her telling Willow she couldn't breathe came to mind. It ached her heart hearing that he didn't want her life to be with her. Guess he was telling the truth. Oh Gosh, what was she going to say? She couldn't show him that she still loved him. She loved him? Oh, this wasn't a good sign. //Great Summers, *NOW* you decide to admit that you love him! You couldn't do that three years earlier?? Could've spared you a lot of hurt.//

"Hi." Angel addressed his first love and took a deep breath. "Hey Cordy. Spending all of Wes' money?" A nervous chuckle escaped his lips. He never had a hard time talking to Cordy, but the daggers she was sending him were deadly. He never was sure why he was so intimidated by her when she was angry, but the look in her eyes would've scared all the demons in the world. He couldn't comprehend how Wesley lived with her. He had found a newfound respect for his friend.

"Hey Angel. Hi you're Darcy right." Buffy shifted her bags to one hand and shook hands with the woman that had everything she'd wanted. No way in hell was she going to show everybody, especially his fiancé that she was jealous. Darcy was a stunning brunette with dark intense blue eyes. She seemed too stuck up for Angel's taste, but how did she know what Angel's tastes were? Everything about her was perfect. Her clothing didn't have one crease or a speck of dust. Her long brown curls all perfectly in place. She was sharp. "It's nice to meet you Buffy." Her tone was cautious, like she feared something.

Buffy crouched down and started into a pair of dark chocolate eyes just like Angel's. "Hi Connor!" Buffy placed a hand on herself, "My name is Buffy."

"Hi Buffy." Buffy smiled and was rewarded with a beautiful smile from the three-year-old. This miniature version of Angel had already won Buffy's heart. She loved him more for being a part of Angel, a part that she wasn't ever going to be able to touch. Connor liked this blonde lady. Just like his father he was able to see the soul of a person through their eyes. But being three he just knew if they were nice or mean. Buffy was nice just like Aunt Cordy and Aunt Fred.

"Sorry Buffy but we have an appointment with our wedding planner and we really are short on time." Darcy was apologizing yet there wasn't a hint of an apologetic look in her eyes. She wanted Angel to get away from this blonde, far away as possible. It was apparent that they had a special bond and a history. She was threatened by the blonde and hated being scared. She vowed then and there that nothing was going to come between her and Angel. Nothing. Especially not a little blonde ditz.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. You must be busy with the wedding and all, it was a pleasure to meet you." Cordelia couldn't believe how well Buffy was handling this and neither could Angel. He wasn't being egotistical, but this didn't affect her at all. He would've been at least a little bit jealous if he found out that Buffy was getting married, yet he didn't get any response. Did their past mean that little to her? It was that or she was a great actress and had learned to hide her feelings. He could've sworn he saw hurt in her eyes, or maybe he was just seeing things that weren't there. Why did it bother him so much that Buffy wasn't affected? Did this mean he was in love with her? God he was confused! Darcy tugged at his hand, which was entwined with his and interrupted his train of bewildering thoughts.

Smiling at Buffy she walked towards the exit of the shopping mall with her family. Buffy's eyes wouldn't allow her to stop staring at the family she'd desired. A solitary tear fell out of her eyes when Connor turned and waved bye to her. He was the son that she was never going to have with Angel and she couldn't accept it no matter how much she wanted to.

Chapter 4

Damn that girl was stubborn. It took Buffy nearly two hours to get her dark haired friend to leave her alone. It wasn't that she didn't want Cordy around, thinking about it that was basically it. She just didn't want anybody around. She knew Cordelia was just trying to help, but she couldn't. These were her own personal problems that nobody could solve, but herself. Buffy thanked God that Wesley had called and made Cordy come home. It was amazing seeing how concerned he was with the well being of his wife and the unborn child she was carrying. For the second time Buffy was resentful that she didn't have what Cordelia had. She pitied herself for not having a significant other.

Did she still love Angel? Or was she over him, but had just gotten jealous when she saw her ex vampire lover with another. She had gotten a bit envious of Sam when Riley came back to Sunnydale, but she'd never loved Riley. It was probably just a normal thing to feel. Right? No of course not! Buffy was jealous that Sam had something she'd tried so hard to find. SO WHY WAS SHE SO BITTER ABOUT DARCY?! Buffy grabbed her head and shook it vigorously. God she was so fucking confused. She hated her heart! She wished she could rip it out and stop all the confusion.

The doorbell ringing brought Buffy outside of her thoughts and into the harshness of reality. Buffy walked to the door, muttering something about killing the brunette for not letting her be. The former slayer opened the door fuming with anger, "CORDY I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

"Hey Buff, nice to see you also." Buffy gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth. God she was such an idiot. Why couldn't she just open the door with a smile on her face like a normal person?

"I'm so sorry guys." She exclaimed giving Xander and Anya an apologetic look. "I just thought it was going to be…"

Anya cut in, "Yea we know. You thought it would be Cordy, I think the people in New York heard you." Anya had become more human, no matter how hard it was to believe. She'd become more human in the way that she'd watched what she said. She'd learned what was appropriate and what wasn't. It took her a while, but she had to learn seeing that her husband was a lawyer. Those calls from clients or at times home visits were important and he couldn't afford to have her say something that would upset the client. She didn't do it for anybody but Xander.

She sent her blonde friend a sympathetic look. Anya didn't like seeing Buffy so disoriented, a side of Buffy that nobody was used to seeing. The retired slayer was always in control, knowing what to do in any situation. And here she was, looking like a lost lamb that was in desperate need of a shepherd.

"Why are you guys here already?" Buffy moved her small body out of the frame of the door to allow Xander and Anya, who was holding Chris into the apartment.

"We just didn't want to deal with getting tickets later on." Xander wondered if this was the right time to tell Buffy why he was really here. Sure he'd missed her, but something else had given him the final reason to come home.

"Who cares why you came early. I'm just glad you're here. Coffee right." The married couple nodded their heads giving Buffy the signal to go into the kitchen.

Xander looked at his wife and asked silently if now was the time. The bond between them had gotten even stronger over the years. They'd both grown and had rid themselves of their insecurities. With their brand new confidence and determination they'd worked out all their problems from the past. They couldn't live without each other; it was as simple as that. "Honey…" Anya placed a gentle hand on her husband "just tell her now. It'll be better than later, she has a right to know the truth."

"When did you get so wise?" Xander bent his head down to kiss his beautiful wife, the kiss quickly turned passionate, but the crying of a certain baby interrupted the couple. "We weren't paying enough attention to you huh boy?" The father caressed the cheek of his son with all the love in his heart. Anya chuckled, she was so grateful to the Powers to Be that they had given her Xander and Chris. She didn't know what she would've done without them. She would have probably become a vengeance demon once more and her experiences being human were something she wanted to keep for eternity. Her life was perfect.

In spite of all the cruel things Buffy had to survive through at such a young age, she saw that life offered some beautiful moments along with the bad. A blind person could have felt the love radiating from Xander and Anya towards their son. And the love the lovers radiated towards each other. Everyone around Buffy was moving on with their lives except her, she was just stuck. She couldn't move on to a better part of her life because her stupid heart wouldn't let a person go. At 25, she was the only one from the Scooby Gang that wasn't married and or a parent. She so desperately wanted the emptiness inside of her to disappear. Oh what she would have done to have a child with the man that she loved. She craved the love from her soulmate and from the child they would've had together. Sure her friends loved her, but the love of a child was beautiful and innocent. Something so powerful words couldn't describe it, just like her relationship with Angel.

Angel was in town for only a day and already she was a mess. She hated him for making her feel like this. But she also loved him with all her heart. What a bitch feelings were, they baffled her beyond words. But wasn't that why they were feelings? Emotions were never supposed to be steady. Emotions were what made man different from animals. No! This wasn't something she wanted to think about when her friends were here for the first time in three years. She promised to herself she would organize her thoughts later on when she was isolated; lately she seemed to be doing that often.

"So how's New York?" Xander and Anya sat down on her sofa while she placed a tray of coffee along with milk and sugar on the table. She was going to enjoy the company of her friends even if it killed her.

"Same old same old."

"Oh, I have decided to start school again, once Chris is older. Xander has also agreed to help more with the babysitting." Anya delivered the good news sipping her coffee and rocking her son at the same time.

"Help more with the babysitting! HA!" Xander mocked Anya, "I do all the babysitting." Anya swatted him across the arm.

"OW!" Xander started to rub his arm acting as if he was really in pain.

"Xander, honey, are you ok?" Anya hadn't meant to hurt him. It wasn't her fault she was so strong or that Xander was so weak. But she also loved him when he showed his weaknesses and didn't try to be all manly.

"Yea I'm fine sweetie." Xander replied lovingly. //She's so cute when she's worried.// Buffy didn't feel like she belonged, even though this was her house. But these days she felt like she didn't belong anywhere in the world.

"That's great Anya. What do you plan on taking at school?" Buffy inquired trying not to feel so much like the third wheel.

"Anything about demonology or vengeance seeing that I've had extensive experience in both fields for a thousand years." All three adults laughed, when Chris started to fuss in his mother's arms. "It's time for his nap." Anya got up and started walking into what she guessed was Buffy's bedroom. A soft lullaby was heard a few minutes later.

This was perfect. Xander now had the chance to tell Buffy the truth. But how to bring it up. Did he just happen to mention that he and Angel are like brothers? It would be just easier if he just said it. Right? Oh well, he would find out once he told her. Taking a deep breath Xander got ready to tell his best friend the truth.

Buffy saw how Xander's brows scrunched together and how deep in thought he was. This was more bad news coming towards her. WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? All she ever did for eight years was save the fucking world! Now she was rewarded with more 'good' news. First Cordy and now Xander. She prayed that she had the strength to handle this new piece of information.

"Buffy I can't stand lying to you so flat out I'm going to tell you the truth. There's another reason that I came back." The lawyer started to fidget with his hands, a habit he had picked up in New York while waiting for the verdict of a case.

"What's the real reason?" Buffy urged Xander to continue with her emerald eyes.

"Well, I'm here because of Angel's wedding." Xander looked into Buffy's confused eyes. What the hell is so wrong with that? She thought. "I'm going to be his best man."

"What?" No she couldn't have heard that Xander was Angel's best man. They hated each other! It wasn't possible. The ex-slayer put a hand over her heart hoping that it would slow down a little. "B-but…how?"

Xander hated to hurt the woman who was like a sister to him, but it wouldn't be fair for her to find out from someone else. "When I was living in New York I met Angel in the Starbucks café©, at night obviously. Seems I meet everybody there." He tried to lighten the mood, but it didn't seem to move Buffy from her current state of pure shock. "Well anyways, he was there looking for Connor. This evil law firm Wolfram and Hart brought him to New York. Since my law firm worked a lot with W&H I was able to get some information. With the new info. Angel went to get Connor. Afterwards we just stayed connected and became real close friends over the short period of time. He's a great guy."

//You're telling me.// "Wow, I never thought I would see the day where you and Angel would be friends." She laughed softly.

"So, you're ok with this?" Xander wanted to know.

"Yea. I mean of course it was a huge bombshell, but I'm ok. I wouldn't want any other person to be the best man at his wedding." She kept lying to herself. She seriously had to stop. She knew that there would have been one wedding that would have been perfect for Xander. The wedding for her and Angel.

"I'm so glad that you are ok with this. I don't know what I would've done if you weren't." The dark haired lawyer moved to give his 'sister' a hug.

//Yea, sure I'm ok with this. If I keep telling myself that maybe I'll believe it.//

Chapter 5

Buffy sighed and closed the door. Finally she was alone. Xander, Anya and Chris had stayed for dinner and finally left for their hotel room, as the infant had gotten weary. It wasn't that she didn't love them because she did, with all her heart. But she couldn't tell them how she felt, it would just depress them, and they deserved some happiness in their lives. But didn't she deserve some also?

She was happy once a long time ago. She'd never told anyone about heaven, not even Angel. The Scooby Gang had been ecstatic that she was back and she didn't have the heart to tell them she didn't want to live. There wasn't any pain there. Nothing but love and contentment was there, two things that she lacked in this world. The first time she died she didn't want to leave. She wanted to live her life with Angel so she clung onto life. But when she gave her life for the world she was eager to leave this place filled only with pain and misery. After her trip to L.A. she embraced the chance of dying. And her life had ended, but nothing was ever left to her liking and she was brought back.

It wasn't that she completely hated her life because she did enjoy some good moments here and there. She was given the chance to have a normal childhood unlike Kendra who never had the chance to. She was grateful that she was able to have a regular life before her calling, but after her calling there really wasn't as many happy moments as before. She hated her life as a slayer, absolutely despised it, but without it she would have never have met Angel. So she couldn't completely hate it.

Reaching a certain level of peace was only reached when Angel was near. He always knew all the right words to say to make her feel better partly because he knew her so well. He touched parts of her heart that nobody could. She remembered long nights where they just talked about the darkness and how intoxicating it was. Giles, Xander, and Willow could never understand how many times she'd wished that she wasn't full of goodness, but Angel understood. A demon in his body walked the Earth for over a hundred years and even when he had his soul it was difficult to control. They identified with each other. They fought the same fight every night with the constant dangers shoved in their faces.

The one thing that she could honestly say was the closest thing to heaven was Angel. Wasn't it ironic how angels lived in heaven but here on Earth she had her own angel. But like everything in her life, he was taken away. He left because he said she would want more in life, like children and someone to take her into the sunlight. He wasn't entirely right though. She did crave for children, but only his. And she didn't need sunlight or anything, only him. Everybody that she held dear to her heart was taken away from her. Angel, Willow, Dawn, her parents, Xander, Giles, and heaven. After Xander left she'd learn to never let anybody too close, fearing they would leave. She wouldn't be able to take it. Everybody thought she was so strong but they never knew how weak she really was.

For a while she'd thought that she was strong, but that changed three years ago. And finally this year she was starting to once again accept that she was strong when out of the blue Angel came into Sunnydale. He didn't come back to fight a demon, but to get married of all things. She never once imagined that seeing him with another woman would be this hard. He seemed so happy with her and it killed her to wish that they weren't together. God, she was selfish. It was okay for her to move on with Riley and rub it in Angel's face, but Angel couldn't move on. Buffy was shown a glimpse of the pain that Angel went through when she talked about her beautiful relationship with Riley. What relationship?! HA!

In a swift second all the hurt she had been holding turned into anger. Anger at herself, the world, but generally towards Angel was boiling within her. She hated him for making her feel crazy. She couldn't think straight when he was near and she despised it. She hated him for making her hurt to the extent that she couldn't breathe. She loathed the affect he had on her. NO! This was the end of Angel and the beginning of her new life. She wasn't going to allow him to have this much of an influence on her! She was going to move on with her life to show that she could get over him. But for now just hatred towards him was enough to give her some kind of closure.

Chapter 6

Five minutes ago, Buffy had thought her day couldn't get worse. But unbelievably it had. She had gone to work, even though she was given the day off a week ago because of her overtimes. God, Carol was a bitch. And Cordelia had called forcing her to go to the celebration party for Angel and Darcy had just made her day. God she was in a crappy mood, there was no point in denying it. And to make it worse she had to wear a superficial smile on her face and show everyone how happy she was about Angel's engagement to Darcy.

Buffy slipped into a tiny red dress and looked at herself in her vanity mirror. The dress hugged her in all the right places. The low cut opening in the front showed just enough cleavage to make any man go crazy. The long slit on the flowing silk material of the dress perfectly showed off her beautiful tanned legs. Her make-up was perfect, not too much or too little. She placed a long strand of curled blonde hair behind her ears and smiled at her appearance. This outfit was sure to get any man's attention. Buffy put her black overcoat over her slender shoulders and walked towards the elevator. With the clicky clack of her heels she got onto the elevator with confidence. Buffy smiled inwardly, this was a good way to start getting the attention of other men and getting over Angel.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Angel, honey are you ready?" Darcy asked from downstairs of the mansion. They'd decided to use the mansion since it was the largest space available besides the Bronze. Darcy had told Angel that having their party there would've just showed people they didn't have class.

"Yea, almost." Angel hated parties and he disliked even more the stupid penguin suit he had to wear, which people saw as a tux. Angel fixed his tie and took long lingering steps walking downstairs. He prayed that the party would go smoothly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Why did she even come to this party? Cordy didn't own her; she could've just said that she had too much work. At least then she could've stayed home and watch a sappy love story, but instead she was stuck in this hellhole of a party. She knew exactly why she had come here. She was going to find the right guy and show Angel that she had moved on. She was failing miserably, sure a couple of guys had asked her out, but for each person she couldn't help but compare them to Angel. One wasn't as tall as him, or one didn't have the right hair like Angel. She was going to go crazy. Was she ever going to get over the guy? So far the answer was crystal clear, no.

She needed to get some air. Buffy started to walk towards the back towards the water fountain, which was decorated with beautiful white lilies. She touched the delicate flower with her small hand, admiring its beauty. So much beauty was captured within this tiny flower. It was remarkable.

"Stunning isn't it?" Angel had seen Buffy leave the party after she'd rejected another one of the numerous guys that had asked her for a date. He didn't want to admit it, but he was jealous. He wanted to rip the heads off the men who had dared come within three miles of her. But he wasn't supposed to be jealous.

"Yea it is." Buffy continued to look at the flower; she didn't have to turn around to know who it was. She'd felt him the moment he stepped into the back.

"So how have you been?" Angel inquired cautiously. For the first time in his life he didn't know how to talk to Buffy, it was a strange feeling.

"Just peachy." She replied with sarcasm dripping from her voice. She resented the way he always tried to use small talk to get her to say something. "Angel can we please stop with the games." Buffy turned around to stare her ex-lover dead in the eyes. "Why did you come here?" She asked coldly.

"I just saw you and I wanted to make small talk. I wanted to see how you were doing. Now I'm not allowed to talk to you without your approval?" He snapped back with the same amount of iciness. Hey, he'd come here to make a truce, to make sure she was okay. If she was going to be a bitch about it then it was fine with him. He was going to treat her the way she treated him.

"You aren't allowed to make chitchat with me. You have no right to know what is going on in my life. You gave up that right when you left me." Buffy yelled her last sentence causing everyone in the room to notice the argument between the former lovers.

"I left for your own good so you could move on with your life! God, I thought you would have understood that *by* now!" The former vampire raked his large hand through his hair unmistakably frustrated with the woman in front of him. Why did she have to bring this up now? After six years!

"Yea, you left for *my* own good, but you end up with the kid and fiancée. Seems to me that *you* are the one that moved on." What nerve the man had to say that what he did was the best for her. All the anger and frustration for the past three years flowed from every word that came out of her mouth. "You really don't know me do you?" It was more of a statement than a question. "Angel I was never going to understand why you left. I just thought that you'd realize it too and come back. And you did come back, but for reasons entirely different from mine." Buffy said in a soft voice. She wiped the tears that cascaded down from her hazel eyes. She wasn't going to let everyone know how much Angel affected her.

Angel hated to see her this way, he wanted to embrace her and take all the pain away, but something stopped him. He couldn't do it; no he wasn't allowed to do it. He was with Darcy, a woman that he loved and he couldn't betray her trust. She owned that much to Darcy, to be loyal to her. "Buffy what we had was in the past. I've moved on with Darcy and you should too."

Angel's words sunk deep into Buffy's brain, 'what we had was in the past.' No, no, no, no! This couldn't be right. She was just imagining things; her mind was playing tricks on her. "I'm sorry Buffy, but I love Darcy now." Oh god! He didn't love her! Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Buffy laid her frail hand on her mouth trying to suppress the never stopping tears, and ran. She ran as fast as she could, missing the look of pure triumph on Darcy's face.

Buffy didn't know or care where her legs where taking her, just as long as it was away from Angel. Far away as humanly possible. Memories of the past kept flashing in front of her eyes. Kissing him in his game face. Angel and their constant kisses during patrol. Angel giving her a claddagh ring identical to his on the docks. Them making love on the night of her seventeenth birthday. Her crying in her bedroom after finding out what she did to Angel. Sending the love of her life to hell. Having Angel return from hell like an animal. Him helping her train when she lost her powers. The book of poetry he gave her. Angel getting a demon heart to save her and him breaking up with her in the sewers. The prom, which he made perfect by just being there. Seeing him leave after the ascension. Seeing him hug Faith. And the last memory she ever had of Angel, him kissing Cordelia.

Buffy took her heels off and threw them on the cold ground. The fatigued blonde sat down on the grass of the cemetery, the one place that her heart told her to go. "Mommy, what am I going to do?" Buffy laid her head on the ground and cried out to her mother. "Mommy he doesn't love me, he loves Darcy. How am I supposed to go on? Mommy are you really there? Can you hear me?" Buffy asked with so much pain in her heart a stranger would have pitied her. "Mommy it hurts so much." She placed a hand over her aching heart trying to show her mother how much it hurt.

"Willow what am I going to do?" Buffy turned her head to look at the gravestone next to her mother's. "I can't breathe Willow. I can't breathe." The hurting ex-slayer repeated the words she had said after Angel had broken her heart for the first time. "You're supposed to be here and make him look bad. That's what best friends do. Remember?" Sobs racked her small body and she cried out in pain. "I can't do it. I can't go on Dawnie."

"You always made me feel strong. You made it sound like I could do anything. I need you Dawnie. I need all of you." Buffy raised her body and moved her body backwards leaning her petit body against a large tree. She brought her knees up to her chest trying to block all the throbbing pain of her heart. "Why did you all leave me? You promised you would always be there for me! Why did you leave?" Buffy asked in a pathetic voice. She rocked her body back and forth. "I'm so sorry." She'd always blamed herself for everything, but every time someone was there to tell her it wasn't her fault. But that stopped three years go and she had come to the realization that she didn't have anybody left. "Dawnie, Willow, I'm so sorry I wasn't there to save you from Spike. I'm so sorry Mommy that I didn't get there sooner. I'm so sorry." Buffy stayed and cried for a long hour, before getting up on wobbly legs and walking the long walk home. A shadowy figure from the brushed walked the other way with tears in their eyes and prayed that Buffy Summers would be all right.

That night the world cried. Cried for all the pain that was inflicted upon this woman. They cried for the loss of her mother, sister, and best friend. And that night the graves sites of Joyce and Dawn Summers along with Willow Rosenberg were stained with the tears of their beloved friend and daughter Buffy Summers.

Chapter 7 Didn't becoming human mean he wasn't cursed anymore? That's what he thought it'd meant. So why the hell was everything in his life going wrong? Angel leaned back in the large armchair in the library and gazed at the dark ceiling. Was it possible that he loved two women? Buffy was his first love, the sunshine in his dark world. She helped him through so much, but so did Darcy. Darcy was never going to touch a part of Angel's heart that would always belong to Buffy. Yet Darcy was there for reassurance during his hell on Earth also.

Darcy had helped him during a period in his life where he just gave up. But she refused to let him surrender giving him the strength to go on. He remembered clearly the day she walked into his life. She came walking into his office with a confident smile on her face, wanting to know how much he was willingly to pay to get his son back. With those few words all hope resurfaced within Angel. She was a lawyer that had worked with Wolfram and Hart, and she had learned they took Connor to New York. The act wasn't out of sympathy but revenge. She wanted Lindsey to suffer, just as he had made her suffer by breaking her heart. She insisted that she accompany him to New York with Cordelia and Wesley. After a week in the large city, Connor was still missing but then Angel had met Xander at a Starbucks Café©. Their meeting was the break they had all been waiting for and within the week Connor was back with his father. Along with Connor being returned to him, the Power To Be had given him his humanity as a reward for his work.

Darcy had supported Angel when everybody didn't. Cordy had forced the A.I. group into letting Angel brood and let him deal with his emotions. The former may queen had thought that this was the best thing for him, but she didn't know he had no desire to deal with everything by himself. For the first time in his life he had put his heart on his sleeve, as a cry for help, but nobody came, only Darcy. She'd whispered soothing words of comfort in his ears the several nights he'd weep because of the loss of his beloved son.

Afterwards, she didn't accept the money, but just stayed with the group since W&H had fired her. With Angel's newfound humanity, Connor and Darcy life was good for him. During a span of two years he fell in love with Darcy, and vice versa. He was so sure she was the one on the night he had proposed, but coming back to Sunnydale he was having doubts. Could he still be in love with her after six years? He did love her truly with all his heart, so much that he thought that his dead heart would die again. Then Darcy came into his life, and his feelings for Buffy started to change. In the beginning he was terrified, fearing that he was going to forget Buffy, but later on he worried less. He saw Buffy being happy and he deserved satisfaction in his life. His feelings for Buffy weren't as strong, but then he saw her and…

"A penny for your thoughts?" Angel turned surprised to see his fiancée leaning against the doorframe. Darcy chuckled, "I've always wanted to say that." She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and kissed his neck. "So are you going to tell me what's going on in your head?"

"Nothing really, just Buffy." The kissing stopped the moment 'Buffy' fell from his lips. Why had he told her what was really on his mind? She stormed out of the room; frustrated that after all those years he was still having such deep thoughts about her. //I am such an idiot, who the hell talks about their ex-girlfriends with their fiancée?// Angel's large strides made it easier to catch his fiancée. He grabbed her arm and glanced into Darcy's teary blue eyes. "God, baby, I'm sorry."

The dark haired woman with all the force in her pulled away. "You love her don't you?" she accused, "Angel we are getting married in *two* days! How do you expect me to marry you when you are still in love with her." Darcy snapped at him, tears streaming down her eyes. Looking into her eyes he knew that she was the one he was suppose to be with, and in that moment all doubts flew from his mind. //No way am I going to let Angel out of my sight. He can never be with Buffy. He's mine!// Angel's large hand gently wiped a tear from her face.

"Darcy, I only love you. Buffy was a part of my past, but you're my future." Angel assured her, but the look of suspicion wouldn't leave Darcy's now dark eyes. Trying to relieve her suspicion he kissed her fervently. When the mutual need for air arrived they pulled apart, "Does that convince you?" He wasn't going to lose her, no matter what. What he felt for Buffy was in the past; he only harbored those feelings of love for Darcy now.

"Yea, but I think more convincing is an order right now." She answered seductively.

Angel chuckled and those were the last words heard that night.

Chapter 8 A sleepy and annoyed brunette came to answer the awfully loud banging at her door. //Who the hell would come to my house at three in the morning?// Cordelia opened the door ready to bitch at whoever was interrupting her beauty sleep.

"Oh, god!" The brunette exclaimed. "Are you drunk?" //No duh she would get drunk, idiot. You saw how much she cried in the graveyard. What would you have done?//

"No, of course not!" Buffy slurred while pointing her finger at Cordy, "Silly Cordelia. I only drank this much." Buffy put her thumb and index finger slightly apart to show her friend how much she didn't have. Losing her balance the blonde fell right into her friend's arms.

"Damn, Buffy. You're completely wasted." Cordelia dragged the small blonde to the couch and laid her down gently.

Buffy bolted from the couch and sat up straight. "I. Am. Not. Drunk." Cordy tried to get the blonde to lie down again, when Buffy burped.

"Oh, goodness." Cordelia waved her hand in front of her face trying to make the foul smell of alcohol disappear. After a few minutes, Cordy succeeded in getting Buffy to lie on the couch. She covered the former slayer with a blanket and headed for the kitchen. "Better get some aspirin and water because she's going to wake up with a pain in the ass hangover." The brunette said to nobody in particular as she walked into the kitchen.

Cordelia strolled into the living room and placed the aspirin and water on the table. She laid a gentle kiss on Buffy's forehead, "Sweet dreams, honey." Her sense of relief of being able to go back to sleep stopped abruptly when the petite blonde started to talk.

"I know about you and Angel." Alarmed, the brunette turned to see Buffy staring off into space while a single tear fell from her eye. The blonde gave the impression that she had regained her normal state of mind.

"W-what are you t-talking about?" Cordelia tried to stop the stuttering but to no avail. //Oh god, what did she see?// The brunette's legs wouldn't let her move while her entire body went stiff. She knew that this was going to come back and bite her in the ass. She just hoped that it would be later.

Buffy laughed coldly, a laugh that made Cordelia's hairs stand on end. "I went to see Angel in L.A., hoping that he would help me fight Glory."

//Oh god, she probably saw me and Angel right after we came back from the other dimension.// Cordelia pinched herself praying that this was all a dream. She realized that it was a nightmare, when her arm began to turn red.

"Do you know how glad I am that I saw you two kissing so passionately? When I had to sacrifice myself, I was so eager to die. I thought anything was better than seeing Angel move on with one of my best friends. But I guess he proved that one wrong." Buffy scoffed and closed her eyes.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. It was nothing. It meant absolutely nothing." Cordelia explained to her friend, but Buffy didn't respond. "Okay, I understand. I'll talk with you in the morning." The brunette walked to her bedroom with her heart in her stomach. Like she was going to get any sleep after that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cordelia walked sluggishly down the hall, she didn't want to have to deal with talking with Buffy. But she had to do it right. It wasn't going to go away no matter how much she hoped that it would. Taking a deep breath she stepped into the living room ready to take on anything. She looked frantically around the room trying to find any sign of her blonde friend. //Oh, don't say that she left!// "This is just great!" She flung her arms in the air, frustrated that she couldn't talk to Buffy.

"What's great?" Cordy's heart stopped for a moment when she saw Buffy behind her holding a mug of coffee.

"Damn, Buffy. Could you please not do that! You could've given me a heart attack."

"Yea, whatever." Buffy ignored the brunette's comment and walked into the kitchen. "Want some fresh brewed coffee?"

"Sure." She nervously sat down on a chair next to the counter. This was it; she had to bring up the subject of last night. "Buffy, we need to talk."

"About?" The blonde busied herself with the coffee, never allowing herself to see Cordy straight in the eyes.

"About…what you said last night." Cordelia responded to Buffy's back.

"I was drunk, Cordy. I said stupid things. It isn't a big deal."

Was the girl crazy? "Yes it is a big deal. It's always a big deal when it comes to Angel."

Buffy sneered at the former may queen's comment. "Cordy, my life *does not* revolve around Angel. I'm not a little school girl anymore."

"Then why the hell where you crying at the graveyard?" The brunette dared the blonde to carry on saying Angel was nothing to her.

"You were spying on me!?!?" Whoever gave the right to Cordy to follow her?!

"No I wasn't. I saw you leave the party and I followed to see how you were. Apparently, you aren't as okay as you say you are." Cordelia placed her arms across her chest accusingly.

"I'm fine Cordy, okay. Let's just leave it at that." Buffy sauntered to the living room and began to grab her things.

"Buffy, I know that you're in a lot of pain. I understand how much you hurt, and I can help. Only if you let me." The brunette pleaded with her friend. Buffy wasn't in a stable state and looked as if she was going to go over the edge.

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU UNDERSTAND!" Buffy whirled around and stared at Cordelia's brown eyes. "You have no idea how much hell I've been through! So don't give me your crap saying that *you* understand how *I* feel!" Cordy took a step back at the former slayer's powerful words. "Have you ever lost the one man that you've loved with all your heart? And the reason that you lost your soulmate wasn't because he died, but because he stopped loving you. Have you had your demon lover kill your family because of a mistake you made? Have you had everybody that you hold dear to your heart either die or go away? No, you haven't, you have the perfect life! You and Darcy have everything *I* want! Darcy has the perfect husband and child." Buffy bent down and laid her frail body towards the couch. "She has everything I've dreamed about with Angel." The blonde said in a small voice and let the tears fall freely.

Cordelia's heart went out towards her friend, who had experienced pain beyond her years. Pain that nobody deserved, especially her. She bent down and hugged her friend, who gripped her like she was the only thing in the world. "It's okay sweetie. Everything's going to be all right." She prayed that everything would be all right for the sake of her companion.

Chapter 9

"Darcy isn't here right."

"Cordelia. I answered with the same answer the last three times you asked. What makes you think this time it'll be any different?" Angel loved Cordy like a sister, but she was getting on his last nerves.

"Angel." Cordy flashed her co-worker an innocent smile, "You still didn't answer my question."

"NO, for the last time. She's out with Connor making sure everything is good to go for the wedding."

"Please don't use the W word."

"What?" Angel inquired genuinely confused. //What the hell is the W word?//

"Duh, wedding." Her brother like friend just continued to stare at her like she had three heads. Cordy rolled her eyes at his stupidity. //Thank goodness, Wes isn't like him.// "Ok, let's just forget that. I'm here to talk about Buffy."

"What about her?" Angel was never this upfront about Buffy ever and it made Cordelia worry.

"Aren't you being just a little bit cold?"

"I'm sorry." He apologized to his co-worker, "It's just I'm not in the best mood. So what's up with Buffy?"

"I need you to talk to her." Angel just sat and stared at the brunette with his mouth open. "Angel?" Cordelia waved her perfectly manicured hand in front of him, aiming to bring him back to reality.

"Sorry." Angel shook his head, trying to process the words Cordelia had just spoken. "Cordy, you saw what happened the last time I talked to her. I really don't think she needs that."

This was going to be harder than she'd thought. //Damn, no wonder he could brood so much. He's so freaking stubborn.// "Angel, I'm not asking. I'm telling. She went through a lot and you need…no you *have* to talk to her." Cordy gazed at her hands, trying to figure out how she tell Angel that Buffy knew, "Angel she also knows about us."

Angel's head shot up, "What?"

"Ok, this will just be a lot easier if I say it all at once. So don't interrupt me until I'm done." The previous vampire nodded his head giving the brunette the ok to continue. "Ok. Here I go. Last night Buffy came to my house, completely wasted. So I made her comfortable on the couch and gave her some aspirins that she could take in the morning, since she was going to have a major hangover." God, she was rambling, she took a deep breath and began where she left off. "And I was going to go back to sleep when she said she was eager to die because she saw us kissing. I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen. Later in the morning after she calmed down after a little rant she had, she told me everything. Right before the big battle with Glory, she came to L.A. She arrived to ask you for help, but then she saw us kissing, and left. Afterwards, Willow brought her back from heaven, not a demon dimension as we all thought. When she came back she had a lot of problems, but didn't tell anyone since everybody had their own problems and she didn't want to burden them. Nobody except Spike was willingly to help. They became lovers and he went all psycho after she broke up with him because she was using him. He ended up killing Dawn and Willow. Giles had already left for England and Xander moved to New York. She was all alone. Angel, I know that you might not love her, but doesn't she at least deserve the right to know why she saw us kissing? At least give her that peace of mind."

"Damn." That one word was all Angel could mutter after hearing about everything that went wrong in Buffy's life.

"Damn, doesn't exactly cover everything. When are you going to go?"

"I can't." Cordelia gawked at her friend, who she wanted to kill. Was this guy for real?

"Are you fucking serious?" She screamed.

"She probably doesn't want to talk to me or…"

The fuming brunette cut in before he could list all the reasons for not going, "Angel, it's not that hard! Just talk to her. Explain to her what happened between us; tell her that it was nothing. Tell her that you still love her and will always be there for her as a friend. I don't care, what you say to her, as long as she just stops suffering! Angel, you're the only one who can give her some kind of peace. Just, go." Her brown eyes begged him to go save the retired slayer, whom she loved with all her heart. They were never that close, but nobody deserved to go through what she did. And if Angel was the only person who could stop the hurt, then so be it.

"Ok." Angel relented after her long lecture, "Where is she?"

Cordelia smiled, for a large burden was lifted off her shoulders, "She's at my place." She rummaged through her purse looking for something, having found it she handed it to Angel. "Here are the keys. Now go!" She helped the tall man, put on his trademark duster and pushed him out the door.

The dark-haired woman fell back onto the couch and sighed. //Well, I did my part. Now it's just up to them.//

Chapter 10

Angel tried to place the key into the keyhole, but his large hands wouldn't stop shaking. Giving up trying to open the door for now, he clenched his wrist, trying to gain some control over his body. //Calm down. You can talk to her.// Sure he could, but then the little incident at the party had happened.

He straightened himself, took a deep breath and opened the door with ease. He walked quietly into his co-worker's apartment, thinking of places where Buffy could be. He didn't have to think or search long. There she was sitting on the windowsill looking outside to a beautiful, warm afternoon.

She spoke first, "Hi."

He strolled into the living room decreasing the distance between them. "Hey."

"So, I guess Cordy went to you, when she said she had to go somewhere." She told him, continuing to watch the beautiful glow the sun made on the world.

"Yea, and ended up giving me a lecture." Angel chuckled nervously, trying to lighten the mood or at least the tension. "So…" he paused, not knowing what to ask, "How you've been?"

"Good, been better." She replied with no emotion in her voice. If she just pretended that she didn't care that he was here, then maybe she could convince herself she didn't.

"Buffy? Can you look at me?" He asked in a soft voice. Although she didn't have the strength to face him, she turned her body anyway. "I'm sorry."

"About?" She asked casually.

"About what you've had to endure, and most importantly what you saw between me and Cordy." Her emotions weren't on her side and wouldn't stay hidden. A small yet noticeable tear fell from her emerald eye as she pictured her soulmate kissing her best friend. "Buffy." He got up and pulled her into his embrace, which she gladly relaxed into. "I'm so sorry, it was nothing with Cordy. We just needed comfort and one thing led to another and we ended up kissing." He explained consoling her at the same time.

Buffy nodded her head, accepting his explanation. A few more minutes into their hug, the petite blonde stepped away from the safe circle of his arms. Bravely she wiped her tears away, "So how's the wedding coming along?" She was going to be strong.

He smiled at the mention of his wife to be and their wedding. "Great. I'm so nervous about tomorrow." She *had* to be strong, it was evident he was in love with Darcy. She couldn't destroy this relationship that brought joy to her Angel, no matter how much it hurt her.

"I'm sure you'll do great." Buffy smiled half-heartedly, "How did you meet her?"

"She helped me find Connor in New York after he was kidnapped. She came with the information that he was in NYC." To this day, he always thanked the Powers To Be for sending him Darcy who helped him find Connor.

"Must've been hell when Connor was missing." She stated. So much had happened in his life, things that she had no idea about. Events that made him suffer and she wasn't there to soothe all the pain away. And he wasn't there to soothe her hurt away either.

Angel simply shook his head, not wanting to bring back the painful memories of the past, when the future looked so bright.

Buffy couldn't surrender now, after all this time; she couldn't just let Angel leave. "Angel, isn't there a chance for us?" She wanted to know desperately. She continued to watch the kids playing outside not wishing to see his face, afraid of his answer. But she wasn't afraid because of his answer, because she already knew. He was with Darcy and didn't love her in that way.

Somewhere in his heart, he knew this question was going to come up sooner or later. "Buffy, I love you. I do, but just not in that way." Buffy nodded her head quickly, telling him to stop with her body language. More dreadful tears fell, making her vision blurry.

She closed her eyes hoping the blurriness would disappear along with her heartache. Angel couldn't move, it hurt him that he could bring so many tears to someone's face. With the silence of the room, Buffy came to a realization. "Angel, could you please leave. I-I just n-need to be alone."

"Sure." He quickly gathered his belongings and left.

She didn't love him. All this time she had thought she was crying because of the loss of Angel, but it wasn't him. She cried because she had lost the beautiful relationship with him, the relationship that they were never going to able to go back to. After he left she desperately tried to find a relationship as innocent as the one she had with Angel, but failed. She now realized that she was in love with the Angel during her teenage years. How could she love him? She didn't even know the basic facts about him. His favorite color, book, or coffee flavor. They both went through so much crap, which in turn changed them dramatically. How do you love someone you don't know?

Although she didn't love him she still sobbed like a child. Cried at the loss of something beautiful and wonderful, something that she only had once and wasn't able to have again. And she wept for her loss, until no more tears came.

Chapter 11 (Buffy's POV)

I really don't understand why I constantly torture myself. First, I just had to follow Cordy to the little celebration party. And now I'm at his wedding. I know that I came here to prove to everyone and most importantly myself that I'm over Angel. And I am, I guess in a way. I'm happy that he's found Darcy, but still a part of me wishes that I were with him. I wish that I found that wonderful relationship again with Angel, but I know that it'll never happen and it's so difficult for me to accept that. I know that we can't be together because we've drifted apart and changed. It's kind of hard for us to be together because of all the crap we had to go through. I just want to be as lucky as he is, and find that other special someone who's my other half.

I walk into the large church with my head held high and strength in my steps. People are scattered all around the beautiful church, which is decorated in white lilies. I walk around a little bit admiring the pretty flowers, before I spot Cordelia walking towards me.

She comments on my attire, "Honey, lavender is so your color."

I smile, "It's good to know that I have your approval on my clothing."

She mocks hurt and takes my hand, "I want you to meet someone."

Curiosity gets the better of me, "Who?" I find out in a few minutes. She taps a tall man on his shoulder. He turns around and grins when he sees me.

"Buffy. It's been much too long." He embraces me and it's a good feeling.

"Hi Wes." We catch up for a few minutes and then the priest announces that the wedding is going to begin. I start to get nervous and have a hard time breathing, Cordy notices and takes my hand once again. She winks at me and for that moment I believe that I can get through this.

I sit down with Cordelia near the front, and Wesley takes his place next to Xander, since he's also the best man. Angel looks absolutely breath taking. Probably even more beautiful because this is suppose to be the happiest day of his life. Connor and a little girl that I don't know walk down and take their places. Connor notices me and waves; I wave back eagerly. He puts a smile on my face so easily it's amazing how much power this little boy has over my heart. The Wedding March begins; it takes me a while to turn around to see Darcy walk down the aisle. She walks down with a smile on her face. She looks striking in a knee length white dress and her brown curls adorning her face.

They each say their vows, with love in their eyes. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, but a tear slips from my eye. Cordy squeezes my hand, having a small glimpse of how painful this is for me. It's hurts to see two people loving each other when I know that I might never find that.

The ceremony flies by and I don't remember much of it. I sit at my table and watch all the content couples. I see Cordy and Wesley dance, and wonder if that'll be me one day. He's never taken his hand off her slightly rounded belly. It must be an amazing feeling for him to feel the life of his child in there. Then I see Xander and Anya dancing. They dance with Chris in between them. They still have the spark that they had during their wedding. And I think again, wondering if the spark in my marriage will never die. No matter how much I don't want to see them, my eyes wander over to Angel and Darcy. He just holds her and they gently sway to the music.

I've danced with a few people, including Xander and Wesley. I declined when Angel asked; I don't think my heart could've taken that. Maybe I am starting to fall in love with him all over again. I touch my face making sure nothing is ruined and I feel wetness. I didn't even know I was crying till now. I walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I stare at a girl that I don't know. A girl with too much pain in her eyes. When did I become that girl? I start to clear my mascara with a tissue, but it never goes away. Probably because I can't stop crying like a baby. I throw the tissue on the floor angrily, angry with myself because I can't control my own emotions. "Why can't I stop crying?" I ask the empty bathroom.

"Because it hurts." I've stop weeping for a few minutes and then I see Cordy and they start all over again. She hugs me and we sit against the cool bathroom wall. I don't know how long we've sat there, but the tears stop coming.

We get up and straighten out our clothes, and touch up our make-up. When we reach the ballroom, nobody is there. Cordy and I both search the large room for any sign of a person, but find none.

We walk outside to find everybody gathered around a car. I must've cried in the bathroom for about an hour then. The car drives off and I see the large 'just married' poster on the back of the car. Everybody shouts something that I can't seem to process. Cordelia drags everybody who comes to talk to me, so I can be alone. I have to thank her for being such a great friend.

I just stand there, with the wind blowing my hair around my face. I remember a time long ago when I believed that Angel and I were going to be forever. I can clearly picture the Buffy and Angel forever that I scribbled onto my notebook. I'd truly believed it then, but then I wasn't exposed to ALL the evil in the world. It still hurts knowing that I'm never going to find a relationship was beautiful or pure as the one I had with Angel, but I know that time will heal my wounds. Time, friends and some ice cream will help. But for now I'm content with Angel being happy and me having new determination to be happy also. If I was meant to be with Angel then I know that fate will intervene and put us together. But until then I can only wait for my soulmate and live my life to the fullest. Now I live in reality and not some fairytale that I wish would come true.

Yes I know that this wasn't the ending that everybody wanted, but this is how I felt the story should end. Now before all the hate mail, I do have some plans for a sequel, but of course that's up to you guys. But through both Angel and Buffy, both have moved on, but we all know in the end they will be together. So that's what i tried to do in my fic, have both of them move on. Please don't hate me. And if you want a sequel just ask. I would love to since i am B/A all the way. hugs & kisses, Christina ChiKadee

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