Disclaimer: As I'm not Joss, Prince, Sinead O'Connor or anyone else connected with either BtVS/A:tS or this song I guess you can safely say none of this is mine! I am also not Sarah McLachlan (you'll see why I've put that)
Rating: PG-14 ****ANGST WARNING****
Spoilers: You name it...I'll spoil it!
Distribution: You have my stuff? You can have this. You don't and you want it? Ask, and I may very well say Oui!
Feedback: Do Spike and Angelus drink blood and wear leather???
Author's Notes: B's POV after IWRY (she remembers!)Lyrics in Italics
Thanx: Sarah McLachlan for 'Do What You Have To Do' and one of my favorite lines in a song!
Dedication: Davey G (my adopted Irish Bro!), thanx for saving my sanity and my bank balance (pathetic as it is)!!!

Just when I think the pain couldn't become any more intense it does. Just when I think that I have cried myself empty the tears come again. Strangled choking sobs that clog my throat, pain in my chest that makes me want to rip out my shattered heart.

I try to understand. And somewhere buried deep inside me is a logical part that does and with amazing clarity. But the rest of me screams with the torment of what we had, of what we had taken away.

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since u took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since u took your love away...

I've become a master at hiding behind a facade of happiness. No one knows that me making it through each twenty-four hours is planned with military precision. Every day I follow an itinerary that gives up the illusion that I am fine, that I am happy with my life. I go to the Bronze, and I laugh and I party, but that is not the real me.

Since u been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing, I said nothing can take away these blues

I remember every minute of that day. Each exquisite moment. Making love on the kitchen table, licking ice cream off your perfectly sculptured chest, feeding you chocolate dipped in peanut butter, kissing you in the sunshine, hearing your heart beat, making love with you over and over, falling asleep in your strong arms and feeling how only you can make me feel; satiated and safe.

I remember waking to find you not there, bullying Cordelia until she told me where you had gone, finding you about to be slaughtered by the Mohra demon, cradling your shattered body in my lap and gently murmuring soothing nonsense as I rocked you.

The anguish I felt as you told me what you had done. The despair as we kissed for the last time. My heart breaking as I clung to you repeating 'I'll never forget' over and over like a mantra. The walking out of your office after you killed the Mohra again, feeling as if I was dying.

It's been so lonely without u here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby, where did I go wrong...

Willow is trying to throw me together with my TA from college. He's a nice guy who really seems to like me, and if I had never met you I would probably be interested. But how can I settle for second best, which is all he could ever be next to you? I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you...

The pain of being apart from you is slowly killing me. Part of me wants to call you or travel to LA and tell you that I remember but I know that would hurt you. So instead I live with the tempestuous emotions that ravage my spirit.

I went to the doctor
Guess what he told me; guess what he told me
He said girl u better have fun no matter what u do
But he's a fool...

I don't know if I'm going to make it through this. If I don't then please don't blame yourself. I know, that is like asking night not to follow day, but please try. I don't want you to be unhappy, I don't want you to grieve. Know that I love you. Know that I'll never stop loving you. Know that you were my 'normal'. Know that no one will ever replace you.

Cos nothing compares, nothing compares to u

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