Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Justin Hayward own it all…I own my overdraft…which either of them are welcome to!
Rating – PG
Spoilers – None really…AU fic
Distribution – If you really want it…just LMK where it's going…I might want to send it a postcard!
Feedback – Feedback is non-fattening and as I start my diet at midnight tomorrow it will be the only treat I CAN have!
Summary – What if Buffy left Angel for his own good instead…here we have the brooding one doing what he does best…um, brooding! Unbetaed and lyrics in *
Dedication – To everyone who asked for fluff – I'm trying ok, but you won't find it here! Fluff does not come naturally to the Queen of Angst! (This is a result of listening to Jeff Wayne's adaptation of War of the Worlds! You'll be pleased to know my Bro just nicked it out of my car so there will be no more angst from that source anyhow!!!)

*The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near.
The winter winds will be much colder
Now you're not here*

I keep expecting to see you. Every corner I turn, every face I see; I search for you in everyone and everything, but I never find you.

It's been a year since you left me for my own good. A year since you packed my heart and took it with you. I should have run after you, begged you to stay. Instead I just stood there, tears pouring silently down my cheeks. I guess I couldn't believe you were really following through.

I've cut myself off from everyone we knew, I don't want to hear about how you're doing, about the new men in your life. All I want to hear is that you're missing me and that you're coming home. But that isn't going to happen.

*I watch the birds fly south across the autumn sky
And one by one they disappear.
I wish that I was flying with them
Now you're not here*

Where do I go from here? You've moved on and I can't. No one will ever take your place, no one ever could. How do you replace perfection, for that's what you were in my eyes? I guess you had feet of clay.

*Through autumn's golden gown we used to kick our way,
You always loved this time of year.
Those fallen leaves lie undisturbed now
'Cause you're not here*

I'm just going through the motions; day in day out I follow the same routine. Sleep, feed, slay. I've even begun hoping that I'll meet a vampire or demon stronger than me and that will be the end of it. Would anyone miss me? Would anyone mourn my passing? I mean, I've been dead for over 200 years; this would just be the final nail in my coffin. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

*A gentle rain falls softly on my weary eyes
As if to hide a lonely tear,
My life will be forever autumn
'Cause you're not here*

Just when I think I can't cry any more, the tears start again. Blood tinged rivers staining my cheeks. If this is love then I don't want it. If this is love then I will never seek it out again.

*'Cause you're not here*

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