Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine...all hail the great God of Joss!
Rating: PG – ANGST
Spoilers: Dunno…Sanctuary; TSILA; The Prom and bits of the B/A cannon but Future Fic
Distribution: Want, take, have…but LMK
Feedback: I am an addict…FEED ME! Flames will be used to clear a couple of desks at the office!
AN's: For the sake of this fic Sanctuary was the last contact between B/A. Angel never came to Sunnydale in TYF (sorry guys, no Riley poundage) and the rumored x-over after TB never happened either (if it ever does!)
Dedication: I have a new friend…and he is the best! Thanx James for being you as only you know how…Luv you for it and for being the friend I need

Do you know what it's like to be so in love with someone that when they go away you feel like half of you has gone with them? Do you know what it's like to miss someone so much that when they enter a room your whole world changes for the better? Have you ever looked at someone and had to fight the desire to crush them to you and never let them go?

You don't? You haven't? Then I envy you.

I know what it's like to experience that and more. To be so totally in love that you feel bereft when they walk out of a room. To cherish every word they say to you, however insignificant, because it means they still care when they are long past expressing it in other ways. To spend long and empty nights crying until you make yourself physically sick because you can't be together. To die inside because they no longer want or love you but you can't let go of them.

That is the side of love you *don't* wish for.

I was so cold to him the last time we met. I couldn't see past my own anger. I go to warn him about Faith, only to find his arms wrapped around her. My blood ran cold and a red mist descended over my sanity. How could I have treated him as I did?

That was the beginning of the end for us. I think we still loved each other, but the damage was done and there was no going back. The more time that passed, the harder it got, until we reached the stage that neither of us could make the first move.

We lost contact after that. The only reason I am here now is because The End of Days is coming and I know I am going to die. I need to have closure, to make peace. I need to let him know I'm sorry.

The first thing I notice is the sunlight, how it catches the previously unseen red highlights in his brunette hair. His hair that always looked black in the shadows of night. Then there is his skin, a warm honey color instead of the marble white of before. His face is illuminated by shining eyes and a 1000kw smile. There is no trace of guilt there now.

But the biggest change? That would be the laughing young boy he has just swung onto his shoulders, the little girl tugging at his pants leg, and the tall redhead standing by his side, cradling a baby.

A family.

I fight back the tears, my heart splintering into a million tiny pieces. A sob catches in my throat. My Angel.

As I watch them interact, the love radiates from them. Ironic really, this is what our depressing sewer talk was all about, this is what he wanted me to find, someone to love *me*, to give *me* a family. But I am the one who is alone, living in the darkness, hiding in the shadows and battling evil while he takes his loved ones for picnics in the sun.

I can't go over now; my perfectly rehearsed speech will be left unsaid. He has moved on and there is no room for me here.

I turn and walk away, the tears scalding my face as caustic as acid.

Goodbye my Love, I'm setting you free.

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