Rating – PG
Spoilers – the B/R (ugh am I really gonna say this) *relationship*
Summary – They realize what we've known from day one!
Distribution – If you want it, here it is, come and get it (but send me the URL)
Feedback – Is a must…it convinces me someone thinks I'm good even if the publishing agents don't! If you don't send feedback then send me 'the boys' – I need some *exercise* with leather clad hunks!
Author's Notes – Lyrics in italics
Dedication – Mr. & Mrs. K… my Beta Jules...let me know when RL is better Luv...I'm here if you want to talk

When I first saw her, I thought she was klutzy but extremely cute. Before I knew it I was protecting her honor, going sappy over her even though my head was warning me not to. Why didn't I listen?

When I first met him I tried to give him brain damage with a Psych textbook, I think I must have succeeded because he's here with me. Why am I doing this?

*Make me laugh and make me sing
Make me do most anything
But it may seem a better fake

Oh, if you can exaggerate*

She's not in love with me, sometimes I wonder if she even likes me. Lately she has been keeping me at arms length, pushing me away, and each time I try to draw her close she pushes me harder. Why do I keep going back for more?

I don't want him in my life, but I'm scared to let him go. If I do it'll be one more thing I've failed at, one more Buffy disaster. So I lie to myself, tell myself that this is real; after all I've screwed up so many times; can I really admit I've done it again?

*If you think we don't know better

Just write yourself a Dear-John letter
Face to face and eye to eye
Oh, we all know that pigs don't fly*

She's growing closer to Hostile 17. Why is it she can only open up to animals? First of all there was that bastard Angel and now there's Spike. Does she have any idea what it does to me, seeing her acting all buddy buddy with them? Why does she turn to them when she has me?

If I had half the strength everyone thinks I do I would end it, set him free to find someone who can love him as he deserves to be loved. As it is now, although I can't bear to let him go, I don't want him around. I seek comfort elsewhere. Not in the sexual sense, but I need someone who understands. Why can I find that in Spike and not in him?

*Hide behind your shallow smile
With fabrication by the mile
Imagination gone too far
You can't tell what the real things are*

I have to get away from her, before it costs me more than my heart. I have pressed the self-destruct button and the countdown has begun. Drinking, playing Russian Roulette with my life, and still she fails to notice. Is it too late to halt the countdown?

When I see him I paint on the smile and try to convince him that I still need him in my life. It's like there are two people inside me battling for control, one wants him to stay, the other wants to tell him to leave and never come back. Is that how it is for Angel?

*Don't give me that sincere look
'Cause I can read you like a book
Page by page and line by line
Let's hear that story one more time*

She has never said it. In all the time we have been together she has never uttered those words. I know she's said it to him, to Angel. She can tell an animal that she loves him but she can't tell me. How am I supposed to feel about that?

The worst thing is, I know what he wants me to say and I can't do it. I can't make my mouth release the words that he wants to hear; those words belong to another man and another time. To say them to him would cheapen them. To say them would mean letting go, and that's one thing I can't do.

*Baby, don't lie, baby, don't lie no more
Baby, don't lie no more*

Send feedback to Shirlz

Back to the Fanfiction Archive