Disclaimer – Not mine (Joss 'Satan' Whedon & Boyzone)
Rating – Same as the show
Spoilers – The return from Hell…everything else is fair game too!
Feedback – Yes please
Distribution – Want~Take~Have
Summary – A's POV, lyrics in *, unbetaed
Dedication – Caroline for the challenge, Sheila coz she loves 'Bozo' and Ronan, NDK just coz he's him!

I watch her until she is just a speck in the distance, and even then I worry about her. I want nothing more than to keep her safe, to protect her from the demons and vampires. That in itself makes me chuckle humorlessly, for I am one of the very things she should be protected from, in some ways I am worse than all the others put together. I will be her downfall just as surely as she is my salvation.

*I cried a tear; you wiped it dry
I was confused; you cleared my mind
I sold my soul; you bought it back for me
And held the Earth, and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me*

When I returned from Hell she was the one thing I knew. My name, where I was, who I was and what I was were a mystery. She I knew with clarity. When I fell to my knees, my arms around her, I felt as if I was in the safest place in the world. Nothing and no one could harm me. She would protect me. And she did.

Despite what her friends would say. Despite what I had done to her friends, to her Watcher, to her. Despite everything, she cared for me, bathed me, fed me, held me, comforted me, loved me. Without her I would never have made it. And yet now I think she was wrong.

*You held my hand, when it was cold
And I was lost; you took me home
You gave me love, when I was at the end
I turned my life, back into truth again
You even called me 'friend'*

I love her so much, I want her so desperately, and that is the problem. I would like nothing better than to sweep her into my arms and carry her like a bride to my bed. But I can't. One moment of happiness and he is free again, to torment and destroy. She is not safe around me; I am not safe around her. Gods I need her.

I need to walk away, but I can't. I need to turn my back on her, I can't do that either. I need to set her free, to protect her from the demon that dwells within, but then I think of what my life would be without her in it. And even without the selfishness of what I need, I believe she needs me too.

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