Disclaimer: Characters contained herein are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, the WB etc
Author: Shirlz
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Into The Woods (BtVS E10/S5)
Distribution: Permission granted but please LMK
Feedback: I feel like total sh*t today so yes please!
Summary: Waking up can be painful
Dedication: Si - who needs to stop doing her Kate circa A:tS S1 impressions! JtS who makes lurkage an Olympic Sport! My Beloved Inspiration

Alone.

Do you know how scary that can be? In a world that is designed for couples, to be alone is probably the most painful thing there is.

You go to a party, and everyone there is part of a couple; everyone except you. You feel like you are wearing a sandwich board that states 'Sad, Lonely Loser'. You can't turn around for people sucking face and groping.

Do I sound bitter?

Try seeing it from my point of view. Every man I have been involved with has left me, even Daddy dearest. Why? Do I have three heads or a body odor problem that everyone is too tactful to tell me about? Do I suck in bed? Am I so bad that once I've put out they have to run for the hills? What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm afraid to be alone, more so than the average person because I don't know how long I've got. And more than not wanting to be alone in life, I'm petrified of being alone in death. That was why I ran after Riley. Not love.

I'm not capable of love. Not since Angel. How can I love anyone when another already owns my whole being? When he walked away he took every bit of good with him. I am like one of those pumpkins you scoop out at Halloween. They look the part but they're really just hollow shells. That is how he left me.

Any man that tries to claim me now gets that shell.

If they are expecting true love they had better keep on walking, they won't find it here.

Because they're not him.

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