Disclaimer: Not mine nor never will be (shame!)
Rating: PG
Spoilers: This is my world but to be safe let's say the whole of BtVS 1-3
Thanx: DB/SMG – we have to believe, it's what keeps us sane

"I can't believe this. After everything we've been through you're walking out on me?"

"I don't have any choice."

"What's changed? This morning you told me that you loved me and that nothing would ever change that. Now you're telling me that there's nothing there. Was it me?"

"Look. I don't love you and I don't want to be with you. It's simple enough. I want you to find someone who deserves you."

"You deserve me."

"No I don't."

"Sorry?"

"I'm not good enough for you. You give me so much. You bring light into my darkness. You comfort me when I'm low. You guide me and support me. You love me with your whole being. And what do I give you in return? Nothing."

"That's not true!"

"It is. I have to go now. Thank you for everything you've given me and done for me."

The door closed quietly and Angel screamed at it "BUFFY!!!"

PART 2

I sat bold upright in bed. I found myself close to hyperventilating, which was strange in itself, as breathing to me was purely cosmetic.

"Angel?"

A delicate hand touched my shoulder. I jumped.

"Angel? What's wrong?"

I realized it was her. Buffy. My beloved. I began to calm.

"What happened Angel?"

"You left me. You told me that you were no good for me and you left me. You didn't love me."

"Hush Baby hush. I'm not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere."

"It seemed so real…"

…I took him into my arms and held him close. This was the third time in a week that Angel had had a nightmare like this. Before he'd been able to fight his dreams. Usually I was the one who did the falling apart and he would hold me. Now the situation was reversed and it scared me. Angel was hurt and afraid. This was so unlike him.

I felt him relax against me but I didn't relinquish my hold on him. Something was very wrong here. I needed to talk to Giles.

PART 3

I walked out of the cage and came across Buffy; she was staring into space.

"Buffy?"

No response.

"Buffy?" I said her name a little louder. This time she turned to me.

"Sorry Giles."

"You seem distant. Is something wrong?"

"Angel."

"What about him?"

"It's almost as if he is regressing. He's like a frightened child. He has nightmares about me leaving him or killing him and they reduce him to a total wreck. This isn't like him Giles, he's the strong one."

"How often is this happening?"

"Three times this week. What is it Giles? I mean, I know he suffers from crushing guilt but this is different. He's falling apart and I can't do anything to stop it."

"Buffy; if what you say is true you must be strong for him until we can find out what is causing this. I'll speak to my contacts and check my books. We will resolve this."

"Thanks Giles, it means a lot to me that you will help Angel in spite of everything."

"It wasn't him Buffy, you showed me that. Angel is my friend and I will do everything in my power to help him."

PART 4

"Is it working?"

"Yes, Angelus grows weaker by the day."

"And the child?"

"She is distraught. Her lover is crumbling before her eyes and there is nothing she can do."

"I think we should increase the torment."

"I agree."

"I am not so sure. The child.."

"The child failed in her duty. She was supposed to kill the monster not become its courtesan. Because of her Janna and Elios are dead. But that was not enough for her. She and her friends had to meddle further in matters that did not concern them and alter its curse. Angelus is meant to suffer for all eternity and suffer it will!"

PART 5

Before I had even approached the door of the apartment I could hear the screaming. Fumbling in my bag for my keys I gave up and kicked the door in. The sight that greeted me was horrific.

Angel was on the bed, the sheets tangled around him. His body was covered with a sheen of sweat and he appeared to be in the throes of some kind of fit.

I ran to him.

"Angel? Angel Baby it's alright, I'm here. Hush I'm here." I tried to take him in my arms but I couldn't get close. There was no control here; his strength was full on. I carried on talking to him. "Angel Honey I'm here. It's alright, nothing's gonna hurt you."

I made my way over to Angel's phone and punched in a familiar number. Watching Angel out of the corner of my eye I waited for the connection.

"Giles? It's Buffy. I need you to come to Angel's apartment now and I need you to bring the tranquilizer gun."

PART 6

We had him subdued. Buffy sat on the bed cradling his head and shoulders in her lap.

"This has to end Giles. Whatever is doing this has to be stopped."

"I agree Buffy, but so far my research has been fruitless.."

"THEN WE'LL RESEARCH SOME MORE! Damn it Giles, I'm not going to lose him."

I looked at her. Buried beneath the anger was a scared child. I knew how much she loved Angel and he her. Xander had joked that they were like Riker and Troi from Star Trek; Imzadi. After listening to his description I had to admit that he was right. The bond between Buffy and Angel went far deeper than love. It was as if their union was a sentient being itself. To lose him would kill her and there was no way I would let that happen.

"I told you that we would resolve this; we will. It's just going to take some time."

"I'm sorry Giles, I'm just so damned frustrated. Look, he's ok now, why don't you go home and get some rest."

"Are you sure?"

"Go Giles. I'll call you if I need you…"

(LATER THAT NIGHT)

"Rupert, you have to listen to me. I don't have much time."

"Jenny???" I could hear and sense her but that was all.

"It's me, please listen to me. It's the Kalderash. They're working powerful magic. They want to destroy Angel and they don't care who they take down with him."

"Buffy?" I hardly dared ask.

"She is in danger. The Elders are annoyed that Angel still walks this earth and yet does not suffer. I know that they are wrong but they are blinded by their hatred. And now they are avenging my death and Elios' too. They cannot see what Angel has become, only what Angelus was."

"What can we do?"

"I can't stay any longer. They will sense my being here and then I will be bound to prevent my aiding you. I will do everything in my power to help you and there are others here who feel the same. Tell Willow to search my files to find a warding spell. The relief will only be temporary, but it will suffice until I can come to you again. I love you Rupert."

And then she was gone. Wiping my eyes on the back of my hand I reached for the phone. It was late but I knew the others would come.

PART 8

I woke disorientated. Where was I? Slowly the pieces began to fit together. I was in my apartment. So why did it feel as if I were back in Hell?

Running my hands through my hair I slid out of bed. I couldn't cope with this anymore. I needed release…

…Quietly I let myself back into the apartment, not wanting to disturb Angel. I had only been gone 15 minutes, I had needed air. Pushing the door closed I turned back to the room.

"ANGEL!"

He was on his knees, in his clenched hands a stake. He shakily held it above his heart.

"Go Buffy."

My purse and keys dropped to the floor.

"Angel, don't do this. I can't begin to imagine what pain you are going through but this isn't the way."

"It's the only way. I'm a monster and, if you won't do your job then I guess I'll have to do it for you."

"Angel, no! Willow has performed a warding spell. It'll help you. I'LL help you. I love you."

"Yeah, well that says a lot about you then doesn't it! Got a thing about monsters or do you just like lost causes? Get out!"

I cautiously approached him. "Give me the stake Angel."

"And why would I want to do that?"

I flinched as its tip began to pierce his skin.

"Please don't do this Angel." I fell to my knees next to him, tears pouring down my face. "Don't do this."

He took one hand off the stake and gently cupped my face. I lent into his touch.

"I love you Buffy and I always will. Don't cry for me my Love."

Before I could reply or act the stake found its target. He disintegrated before my eyes.

"Nooo!"

(Angel's apartment – sometime before 11am)

"Buffy? Angel? Anyone home?"

I knocked again. Still no response. Nervously I tried the handle; the door opened easily.

"Oh my God!"

I retched and lost all of my breakfast. Steadying myself on the doorframe I took a deep breath. I knew I had to go in.

Buffy was slumped forward and to the side, sitting in a pool of her own blood. At her feet lay a knife and nestled in her lap was a jar containing ashes, a necklace and two rings, one of which was a Claddagh. Both her wrists were slashed to the bone. I knew I was too late.

Lying on the coffee table was a note.

'Guys

I'm sorry you had to see me like this; if there were any other way then believe me I would take it.

Angel has killed himself. I couldn't stop him and I don't want to go on without him. I love you guys so much, but it's not the same and in the end it's not enough.

Please put aside your feelings and carry out my last wish – that Angel and I be buried together.

Forgive us. We just weren't strong enough.

Buffy'

(The Kalderash encampment)

"They are both no more. We have our revenge."

"But at what cost? "

(Angel's apartment)

Willow came running up to me.

"Xander? What's happened? What's going on?"

Giles looked at the emergency vehicles.

"Xander?"

"Buffy and Angel are dead." I handed him the note.

Go to the sequel, Nirvana

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