Disclaimer: Property of Joss and all other interested parties
Rating: PG
Spoilers: The S5 BtVS Riley arc especially ITW; the B/A cannon (brief ambiguous mention)
Distribution: Carte blanche if you archive already…ask me if you don't and I will probably say yes
Feedback: Is welcomed whilst flames are not
Dedication: Oblivious One and C/T for the mood setting

You're not coming, I knew you wouldn't.

How do you think that makes me feel; knowing that it isn't me that holds your heart?

Do you know how much I hate myself right now? That's right, hate myself. Not you. For being stupid, for investing so much time and energy into this…this farce, and to the detriment of my life.

I know you're not coming, and yet I still throw furtive glances around me. Searching, hoping. Always hoping.

Do you have any idea what love can do to a person? I believe you do. Sometimes, when you think I am asleep, I watch you as you lie next to me but a million miles away. The tears pour silently down your cheeks and one word soundlessly escapes your lips over and over again.

Angel.

I love you beyond belief, and damn it I am here! I want to hold you and caress you and kiss you and make love to you and devour you. But you want him.

Who did you take to our bed?

I don't know why you are so surprised at how I have turned out. Frankenstein – behold your monster for it is alive.

The others are getting restless, calling me to hurry so that we can be on our way, but their voices are just echoes in the dead of night. It is you I listen for, but you don't answer my call.

I can't delay it any longer; we have a mission to prepare for. As I board the helicopter I look around sadly. I knew you wouldn't come.

You don't love me.

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