Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon Title and lyrics belong to the Cranberries
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Graduation Day 1 & 2
Thanx: DB/SMG and mint choc chip ice cream
Author's Notes: Angels POV, Lyrics in Italics
Distribution: The BAFFA, Land of Denial, BtVS Reading Room...anyone else who may want it...please ask first!
Dedication: To Dad, five years on and I still miss you
To Mom, for tolerating me and not having me committed
To Bro, we may not always see eye to eye but you totally rock!
To Nik, my inspiration

'I'm not ready for this
Though I thought I would be
I can't see the future
Though I thought I could see
I don't want to leave you
Even though I have to
I don't want to love you
Oh, I still do'

I never thought that leaving you would be easy, you've been a part of me for so long, but I never thought that it would be this hard either.

Although not a word passed between us tonight we spoke volumes. You pleaded with me to stay and I pleaded with you to let me go. Besides letting you live your life, I need to do this for me. I have to find out who I am. There has to be more to me than this. We suffocate each other. We need to be apart to grow.

'Need some time to find myself
I wanna live within
Can I go my own way
Can I pray my own way
I don't want to leave you
Oh, I need you'

Don't think that I don't love you; there's not one part of me that doesn't. Don't think that I don't care and worry, not a minute goes by that I don't and if anything ever happens to you I know that I will be facing my first sunrise in centuries. If I wasn't already dead then this would be killing me. It's the hardest decision I have ever had to make and, although I know it's the right one, every fibre in my body is screaming at me to run to you. I don't know how I am going to make it through each night without seeing you, holding you, inhaling your intoxicating scent. You are my soul mate. In all my time on this planet I have loved precisely one person. You. There will never be anyone else. Now all I have are memories and myself, when I find out exactly who I am.

Thank you. You gave me light in my dark world, a reason to live. You made me someone, you taught me how to love and be loved. You taught me how to laugh, how to cry and how to care. For that I will always be grateful. With you I was more alive than I ever was before I was turned.

'Am I ready for this
Did I think I would be
Can I see the future
No, I can't see

I don't know if this is the end. We have a connection that cannot be broken by time or distance or even death. If ever you are in trouble I will be there. You may not see me, but I will come and I will fight. I will protect you. And I will never stop loving you.

I don't want to leave you
Even though I have to
I don't want to love you
Oh, I still do

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