Disclaimer: Do I look like Joss Whedon or David Greenwalt to you?!?
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Becoming 1 & 2
Distribution: Want, Take, Have but LMK
Feedback: It would be nice to know that someone is reading this stuff!
Summary: Another take on that ‘Letter on the bed’
Dedication: The LS8 @ The Talbot Hotel…Grr Argh (it ruined my Thursday AND Friday…and probably gave me my first gray hair!)

Mom

I don’t think you have any idea how much this hurts me, how your reaction hurt me. To have the person who gave me life turn on me as you did, dismiss what I do as imaginary and suggest that I need therapy…

For so long I kept my calling a secret because I wanted to protect you. Most Slayers don’t have a family, or friends. They are taken at an early age and given to their Watcher. From then on they eat, sleep and breathe their calling, not normally living much past their early teens.

I’m different.

I was called late; somehow I slipped through the net. The night I came home, telling you that I had been with Tyler, that was when I was discovered by my first Watcher, Merrick, and the night I slayed my first vampire.

When we moved to Sunnydale I thought that I could put everything behind me. No chance. Only my Mom could find a Hellmouth to move an active Slayer to. On my first day at school I met my new Watcher, Giles, and I freaked. But then kids started getting killed and I realized I had no option. I *am* the Slayer, like it or not.

First Xander then Willow found out about me, and then there were others. And of course there was Angel, my sweet, caring and beautiful Angel. It didn’t matter to me who or what…let’s just say he had a colorful past. But none of that mattered, I loved him and he loved me.

But something happened that changed him, and yet I still couldn’t stop loving him. I tried, God knows I tried, but how can you ever stop loving your soulmate, no matter what they become?

I didn’t want you to find out the way you did. I didn’t know that a vampire was going to attack Spike and I on my own doorstep right before your eyes. But it did and so the lies had to end.

I am the Slayer Mom, and that is something you can’t change, wish away, or cure with therapy. It is what I am, who I am. And it seems you can’t accept that.

You told me that if I walked out the door not to come back, so, other than to collect my stuff and leave you this, I won’t. If my Mom can’t accept me for who I am then I really am on my own.

I still love you Mom, which is another reason for me leaving. I don’t want to say anything to you that I can’t take back, and the way things are I know that I will. Or you will. And I don’t want to hate you.

I’ll be fine Mom.

Buffy

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