Disclaimer: Joss owns himself. RKHU and SPORKS belong to the List Mommies concerned. The Spork of Death is not mine, I just borrowed the idea…hope no-one minds!
Rating: PG – what's a little (mild) torture amongst friends???
Spoilers: None. And I apologise for the suggestions made here – it is worst case scenario!
Authors Notes: I feel your pain guys! Although I am in the UK I feel sick to the pit of my stomach about tonight's BtVS and just as nervous about tonight's Angel. May the PTB's have pity on us. I am with you in spirit. Don't let the bastard get you down!!! No implication to any RKHU/SPORKS members is implied here. No names no pack drill.

It had been a hard day. The script for Buffy and Riley's wedding had been issued to the cast and to say that Sarah had not been happy would have been an understatement. She'd disappeared for over two hours, finally turning up with David on the Angel set. I guess the scene during the reception where Angel and Jheira announced their engagement hadn't pleased him either. These actors were so temperamental. Didn't they understand? I'd made them and I could break them just as easily.

I shut the door behind me and switched on the light. As I hung up my coat I heard a noise. I turned cautiously. Standing in my entrance hall were approximately 40 women and boy did they look pissed!

"Who are you?"

"Your worst nightmare." Snarled a petite brunette and en mass the women advanced.

*****************************

My head hurt and I could taste blood.

"He's awake."

"Oh good. It's much more fun when he can feel the pain."

"I don't understand. Who are you people? What do you want?"

The brunette advanced on me again. She carried something in her left hand. As she got nearer I realised it was a blood covered spork.

"We're members of RKHU and SPORKS. We have a sworn duty to protect the sacred relationship of Buffy and Angel. Anyone who gets in our way gets dealt with. We have sporks and we're not afraid to use them."

A redhead continued.

"You've upset a lot of people, made enemies in the wrong places. We're here to see that things are put right. Now, we can either do this the easy way or we can do it the hard."

"Oh do pick the hard way!"

"Buffy and Angel are finished. They've moved on. There is no more Buffy and Angel."

A spork was forced into my chest and twisted.

"That was so the wrong answer! Want to try again?"

"Buffy is getting married and Angel is engag…OWW!"

"Maybe we didn't make ourselves clear. Buffy and Angel WILL be together. No Parker, no Riley, no Kate, no Jheira. You are going to see to that and we're not leaving until you do."

*****************************

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

My body felt as if it had been run over by a truck. Hundreds of puncture wounds oozed blood. My clothes were torn. I looked like death.

"Do you agree to our demands?"

"They're only tv shows! Why does it matter???"

"You obviously haven't learnt a thing from this experience. Get me The Spork of Death!"

A mutter went round the group as something was passed over their heads to the brunette. I gasped when I saw it. A foot in length with diamond tipped tines; it glinted in the light. All of a sudden I saw the error of my ways.

"I'm sorry. Did I say that Buffy was marrying Riley? I meant Angel. Buffy is marrying Angel. Angel and Jheira engaged? No, RILEY and Jheira are engaged. My mistake. Silly me. I'll put it straight right away."

"Good. Unchain him and take him to his PC. He has a lot to do tonight."

*****************************

As the brunette and the redhead left Whedon Towers they were met outside by a couple. She was small, blond and pretty, a complete contrast to her handsome companion, who was tall and dark.

"Thank you, " the blonde whispered. She reached into her purse. "
400 wasn't it?"

The redhead stopped her. "Have this one on us. We needed the exercise."

With that the two women faded into the darkness and the couple went on their way, both parties content in the knowledge that justice had been done

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