Rating: R, contains torture, language, stuff I'm probably too young to legaly write about...
Type: Stupidfic, total idiocy.
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue. All you'd get is catnip.
Summary: Gee, what happens when Angel finds out about Parker?
Authors' Note: Fourth in that lil' series I've been neglecting.
Another Note: That single brain cell would like to announce that it had nothing to do with this story. It is ashamed of whatever force DID come up with it. Also that it had no part in any of the other stories.

Buffy grinned, they finally had the apartment all to themselves. No Doyle, no Cordelia, and especially no Kate. God, did that annoying little so-and-so leave a stain on the carpet... Oh well, worry about that later.

Angel pushed Buffy down on the bed, laying butterfly kisses down her neck and even lower. If this was Heaven, he never wanted to go back to reality.

************

The Slayer laid back on Angels' chest, content and sleepy. Angel smiled, then stroked her hair. "Y'know, I've never felt so safe with anyone before, not like I feel with you. Not my parents, not my friends, not Riley, or Parker, but you make me feel like nothing can hurt me."

"Hmm, who's Parker?"

Buffy caught herself, ug-oh... "Um, he's this guy and we, uh..." Angel sat straight up and looked into his lovers eyes. "We did something very wrong." Buffy waited for his response, fearing the worst, but the vampire's expression softened. "Tell me what happened."

************

Santanas' 'Smooth' blared in Parker's headphones. He was totally oblivious to the outside world, not that he cared much what other people were doing. Turning the corner of Stevenson Hall, the young man had the sudden urge to turn around, almost like he was being- *Bam!* Everything went black.

************

Parker was awakened to a room with overly bright lights. He was immobilized by cuffs on his arms and legs. Part of the Initiative base that still stood. That's where he was. Not that he knew that. From his point of view, he could have been anywhere. Angel smiled, he was disoriented, good. Turning away from the two-way mirror, he looked back at his love. She was smiling too, probably hated the man as much as Angel did. More so. Anger welled up. How dare the prick do that to his Buffy? But he would get what was coming to him soon enough. Just a bit longer...

The college student was worried now, worried and scared. He had no clue as to who had taken him, where he was, or what they wanted. All he could figure was that he was on a table, like in a sci-fi show when someone is abducted by aliens. He'd seen enough of them to know. Then, a door slid open from a wall. At first, all Parker could make out was a tray on a wheel-table, then he could see a beautiful girl pushing it. Where had he seen her before? It didn't quite snap until... Ah, yes. She was the one who had been mad at him for their 'fun'. Why was she there?

Buffy stopped a few feet from Parker's table, being sure not to make eye contact. This was going to be fun.

************

Angel tried not to be angry, but also tried not to laugh. He thought that the boy would have gone on longer without breaking down, but the moment he saw Buffy... That was so funny, the look on his face. Pure and utter confusion. Vamping out, Angel got ready to enter the room.

************

Parker switched his view from Buffy to a newcomer. At first, all he could see was a faint outline of the man in the bright light. And, because of his all white attire, the man seemed to disappear into the background of the walls. When he got close enough, Parker could see the mans' face. He wanted to scream. Whatever the guy was, he wasn't human. Orange eyes, a ridged brow, and when the man smiled, Parker got a glimpse of sharp teeth.

Angel smiled at the look Parker gave him. The boy seemed so scared, and he had good reason to be. No one hurt Buffy like he had. It was time for a little payback. The vampire cast a look to Buffy, who nodded. She still kept her head down, though. It was all part of the act. Turning around, she exited the room.

Parker looked up, the 'thing' was still standing over him, watching. Angel asked something in Gaelic. The boy had no idea what he had said, and so just stared. Angel repeated the phrase more forcibly, then gave a growl of annoyance when Parker didn't respond. The boy was scared now. Was this an alien? Was it going to kill him? What the hell was it saying?

Angel grabbed Parker by the head, bringing his face close to his. Once again repeating the phrase very slowly. When he didn't give an answer, Angel made a sound that was somewhere between a growl and a sigh. Then he walked over to the tray Buffy had brought in earlier. Picking up a very long and sharp scalpel, the vampire went to work on his 'art'.

************

Buffy came back to find Angel holding a very bloody knife. Watching through the two-way mirror, she grinned just a bit. Parker was still conscious. That was good. Why go through all the trouble if he's out cold?

************

Parker couldn't see what the man had done to him. All he knew was his chest was cut up bad and hurt like hell. Then he heard the hiss of the wall-door open and shut. Looking over, he saw a small figure walk towards him. The man even stopped his work to look. When Buffy stepped into view range Parker yelled out. Smaller, yet still noticeable brow ridges, gold eyes, and small fangs. She wasn't human either!

The man bowed, then took Buffy's hand and kissed it. Parker got the message, the two were in love, and he had obviously ticked them both. It was too much to absorb, something snapped. Whatever part of rational thought that still inhabited his brain broke in two.

"Is he gone?"

"Yes, we should send him back. Someone up there might miss him."

"Hmm, serves him right."

"Yeah, no one messes with my Buffy."

************

The next day, Xander, Willow, and Anya sat at the food court, talking and eating.

"So, Parker just... went?"

"Yeah, Will, it's like, one day he's in perfect mental heath... for a phyco anyway, the next, he's gone. Like, totally veggyized. Keeps mumbling about monsters and aliens."

"Hum, maybe someone attached a brain leech to his head..."

Both Xander and Willow stared at the former demon.

"What?"

************

Buffy looked on in mild interest as Angel exited the shower. And made sure to keep her jaw up as the towel fell. Once the vampire had some pants on, he turned around and sat on the bed.

"So, want to tell me how it all worked out back in Sunnydale?"

"Well," the Slayer began, "Willow says that he's a veggy. Like, no one home and there never will be. I'd say mission accomplished."

"Yeah. Also congrats on the makeup. Must be hard to find someone who'll do that."

Buffy grinned, "I was in luck, they were doing a TV show in the area that had a makeup artist on set. He was happy to help after I showed him a few zeros..." They both laughed. "I swear, he had dollar bill signs up his-"

Angel silenced her with a kiss.

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