A/N: Due to the enormous amount of feedback I seemed to have generated off of “Paradise”, I decided to do a sequel in addition to this companion piece, telling Angel’s POV during “Paradise. This is another sadfic!!!
Distrubution: B/A Lovers United, FF.net, Enchanting Place, Sempiternal Beloved (if they want to add it to their expanding collection), and B/A Fluff.
Spoilers: Up to Angel S5 Promo for Halloween. This is the companion story to “Paradise”. I really recommend reading that before you read this!
Dedication: This fic is for all the Eve-haters out there. Don’t worry, she’s going to get what’s coming to her! This fic is also to my older brother, Mike, who was determined to make me suffer ‘cuz he wanted to see C/A and B/S together. I’ll never forgive you for that. *g*.
Pairings: Angel/Buffy, Angel/Eve, Angel/Cordelia friendship
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: What went through Angel’s head while he was getting pelvic with little Miss Evil-Replacement from Wolfram and Hart? What happens when you finally realize that you might actually lose the only person you’ve ever really loved?

~ November 1, 2003~

It’s over. That’s all that I can think about right now. Buffy and I are over….forever. It was all because of my stupidity, and of course, Lorne suggesting that Eve and I have sex.

Why didn’t I stop? I used to able to control my emotions. Now, I can’t even face her. I’ve managed to do what I always do to the ones I love…cause them pain. I killed my son, and the ruined only woman I ever loved.

I never knew love until I met her. She was all the things I wasn’t and all I could ever hope to be. She was the sunlight to my darkness, the happiness to my grief, the….and God, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, the Joey to my Dawson.

Then I blew it. I left her so that she could find someone else. I know that a part of her always and will always never forgive me for that. I mean, why should she?

In addition to that, I erased the only day that we were ever truly happy. She’ll never even remember that, not unless either Cordy or Wesley open their mouths.

I know that will never happen, not now that Cordelia’s in a coma and Wesley wouldn’t dare to go up against me after what happened with Connor.

Seeing her face after knowing that I could never give her the one thing she wanted….It tears me up inside. Not to mention that it was with a girl that I couldn’t give a fuck what happens to.

Spike was there, cheering me on until he saw her face. He loves her almost as much as I do, and if he could’ve staked me right then and there in order to ease her pain, he would’ve done it in a heartbeat. I would’ve urged him on, in fact.

I need to see her, need to feel her, breath in sunshine-filled hair. I know she’ll probably never forgive me; I can’t even forgive myself. I’ve lost the one thing I wanted in 250+ years of existing….I’ve lost love.

Or at least I thought I had until Darla surfaced early this morning. She told me the two things I’d forgotten in all my years of existing.

Number 1: “Love is Forever.”

Number 2: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

For once, Darla was right.

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