Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and his crew own the characters, settings, etc. I'm borrowing them, I'll give em a run through the carwash before I put em back.
Distribution: IF you want it, take it, but let me know.
Author's Notes: I seriously had to debate whether or not to post this. I personally think it's a piece of shite, but I decided to get another opinion. I was written at midnight, and I've got the flu, or something, so it might not make sense. It was a writers block breaker, that's my only excuse.
Author's Notes 2: I'm so sorry you have to read this...
Feedback: Feel free to send death threats, letterbombs, or howlers. ()
Dedication: I can't bring myself to associate anybody else's name to this fic.

It's amazing how quickly things can change so quickly, without warning.

24 hours ago, I believe that she loved me. That we would be together for ever, and that she would hold me in my arms as I took my dying breath. I can still barely believe that I'm facing a future without her.

Funnily enough, it was the creep in the bar that made me see. Willy the Snitch. Greasiest cockroach you'll ever meet, but strangely sincere, almost innocent.

He didn't know I was her boyfriend. I try to tell myself that.

The truth is, he knew. He just wanted me to know what I was up against. Buffy and Angel, forbidden lovers, 'til the end.

I went in there to ask him about Angel, after Buffy had run off to LA to save him from Faith. That really should have been my first warning, but I honestly believed that she was paying off some old debt to him.

"My buddy Angel? What do you wanna know?" Willy asked. His eyes narrowed, "More importantly, *why* do you wanna know? You're one of those Initiative guys, aren't you?"

"I was," I said shortly, "Things change. I'm looking into the ally thing," I lied, "There's going to be some people sniffing around after me now that I've gone AWOL, if you know what I mean." That part, at least, was true.

"Yeah?" Willy looked suspicious, but he didn't call me on my fib. "What's the information worth to you, my friend?"

I pulled a $2O out of my wallet, having been expecting the need for some 'motivation', and slid it across the bar towards him.

He looked down at it, unimpressed. He angled his brow, "Man, if the Slayer finds out I've been spilling the dirt on Angel, my ass is as good as kicked."

"The Slayer?" I repeated casually, "Why?"

"She and Angel, they were a hot item," He said, picking up his rag and wiping down the bar, "Used to come in here together, look'n for some information. I was all to happy to oblige...wouldn't wanna deny those two anything, between the two of them, they could probably take out me and all my customers without too much effort. Deadly duo, we used to call them....."

I looked at him skeptically.

"Ok, so no-one called them that. But they could have, that's the main point."

"So what happened?" I asked, dropping all pretense of being interested in Angel strictly in a business sense.

"What didn't happen?" Willy said, emphasizing his statement with a snap of his polishing cloth. "Those two are angst magnets, I tell you. If there's a possibility for angst and pain in any situation, it happens to them."

"So it was an unhappy relationship," I said, "and she decided that she couldn't go through that anymore, that it wasn't worth it?"

"*He* decided," Willy corrected, "He didn't want her to suffer that anymore. Wanted her to forget about him, find some nice, normal boy, who could give her everything that Angel never could, even though they both knew she'd never *really* love the poor fool." Willy shook his head, "The Slayer's gone down since then, I tell you. I've seen her, moping through her patrol, stumbling blindly into fights. I've seen the demons coming in here, who've gotten away from her. That *never* happened, before. She and Angel , they rarely lost a single one. Her pain is great for my business, you know, but it doesn't make me feel better. I liked them."

It was like being dunked in ice water. I was so cold, it hurt, and I felt like I couldn't move. I was being dragged under, I couldn't breathe, let me breathe-

Suddenly, this beautiful calm set in, like sunshine spreading over my skin.

It was as if I'd known for a long time, but I know I hadn't. I just liked to think that I wasn't really foolish enough to believe the lies in her eyes, her touch. All I could think, was that now I knew. I wasn't in the dark, as I'd always been.

The calm, and then the feeling that I was falling. My life had just been put through the woodchipper. Everything I'd ever believed in had been taken away from me in just a day. My work, my friends, my love. What was left for me? I no longer knew where I belonged, where I was supposed to be on this earth, and what I was supposed to do when I got there. For the first time in my life, I didn't have someone telling me where to be, what to be, who to be. It was sort of nice. I could do whatever I wanted, now.

And I would, even if it was without her. I knew it had to be. It was only a matter of time, really. Even if she doesn't go back to him, she'll wake up to the fact that I'm not the one sooner or later. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't be able to live in a loveless relationship forever. She'd break up with me eventually, and it would hurt for both of us, but we'd be better for it.

I'll go on without her, and I'll find my own purpose. Alone.

Strange, how quickly things can change.

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