Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns the characters. Luscious Jackson owns the song.
Distribution: You actually want this? Take it, I suppose. Still, I give you a funny look.
Author's Notes: I wrote this months ago. I sorta wasn't sure if I liked it, and then I lost it, but found it, and I was posting a whole bunch of stuff, so here it is.
Feedback: Be gentle.

If you need me to be sweet
Then I can give you what you need
'Cause I know You never came first baby./

I'm changing. Every day. I'm trying my hardest to let people in.

People that aren't him....

It's hard.

Every day, I'm trying to ignore the fact that what I'm opening up....what I'm showing the world....

I'm trying to ignore the fact that it's a mirage.

An Illusion.

A lie.

And Every Day, I find myself believing this lie, more and more.

I'm telling people what they wanna hear....

I'm so tired of my guns and my Vanity
I'd like to trade em in for some sanity/

I've been neglecting my Slaying. It doesn't really fit in with the sweet image I've built up for myself. Besides. It's ridiculous.

A girl.

A frail, tiny girl responsible for the safety of the universe?

Someone screwed up right there.

I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend I'm some superhero.

I'm not. I'm weak.

It's all I've ever been.

And I know it didn't come too easy
It didn't come easy to me either
from the freezer
to believer
in love....

When Angel left, I died.

It felt like I did, anyway.

I stopped believing in everything.

I lost faith. In life, in love, in myself.

Weak.

I'm still recovering from that.

I'll never be who I once was.

Well I got Lady Fingers Baby
I got kid gloves
Baby I got heart.
I got heart.

So I'm not the Slayer anymore. The Slayer in me, the Warrior, is lying beaten and broken at the bottom of my soul.

Slaying... it's all I've ever really been good at. Me and my 'fruitless patrols'.

So now, I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Except be what they want. What Riley wants.

I can treat him right. I can.

I bet you didn't know that I could treat you right
but underneath the armour there's another girl./

It's strange really. Most people create the illusion of strength around them.

Not me.

I have physical strength. I don't want it.

So I'm creating an air of sweetness. Of being the perfect girlfriend. Of being a perfect girl.

She's standing with her suitcase ready to run
in case you're wondering
why she's so quick to come and go,
Why she's so quick to come and go/

It's exhausting.

Sometimes I really just want to let it slip. To heal my inner slayer and set her loose on the world. To cease to feel, and live to slay.

But then I think, ridiculous. I won't survive alone. The monsters will defeat me in seconds.

Can't fight alone.

She might be new,
She might be old
She might be scared as hell
She might not be so bold.
She might not be so bold.../

I like this new existence, really. I can be whoever I want to be. Can go either way.

But there's something missing.

I'm whiny. I'm one of those girls that I always hated. The one's who go wah, wah, wah, where is my big strong boy toy to come and save me.

But I just don't have the will to be feisty anymore.

It's like the world is losing it's colours.

I can admit it.

I'm disillusioned.

Well I got Ladyfingers baby
I got kid gloves
Baby I got heart.
I got heart./

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