Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt are responsible. C'mon, as if you didn't already know.
Distribution: Sure. Send me an address. And give me credit. Credit is good.
Rating: Again, theres a little swearing. Buffy's grown a potty mouth... Nothing too bad.
Series: Fourth in the Confidante Series. Follows Glimpse of Yesterday.
Summary: Fresh from meeting with Faith, Buffy goes to see Angel.
Feedback: If you make me beg, then I will....well, beg.

Angel moved about the office restlessly, unsure why he felt so...jittery....edgy...ansty. He felt like he'd had a gallon of caffiene injected into his bloodstream. He heard noises behind him, and didn't bother turning around to address Cordelia.

"Get me the Anderson files. I wanna see if they tie into that Hijilkja demon." He said shortly.

"I would but I think it might take me a fortnight to work through Cordelia's twisted version of filing." A familiar female voice said.

Everything stopped. Angel lifted his head slowly, taking a moment to compose himself before turning around to face the girl before him.

Buffy stood timidly in the doorway, arms crossed over her waist. She bit her lip, making eye contact with him for a moment before looking at her feet.

He stopped, staring at her for what seemed like an eternity. She cut her hair, the blonde locks falling just past her shoulders, shiny and silky, the curls that she'd displayed in times past replaced by a simple, elegant straight style. She wore little make-up, but her skin glowed radiantly, despite the obvious turmoil and confusion that her slightly stooped stance betrayed.

Once he was done noticing how beautiful and perfect she was, anger overtook him.

"This had better be the apocalypse." He said in a low, dangerous voice.

She winced visibly, but Angel felt no remorse. He narrowed his eyes, waiting for her to either explain her presence or leave.

"Nope. No world in peril." She said, throwing her arms up in the air.

"Then enlighten me. What the hell are you doing here?" He asked angrily.

"Angel..." She started, sighing after a moment. "I can't leave things this way."

Angel stared at her hard. "I'm not interested, Buffy." He turned back to his shelves, trailing his finger along, selecting a heavy green volume and removing it from the shelf. "It's too late."

"So....If I came here a year and a half ago, you might have listened to me?" She asked.

He didn't turn around. "Maybe. It doesn't matter. You didn't. Its over. Done."

"Then why are you still so angry at me?" She said. "If it's over." She shrugged. "We're always hurt most by the ones we love." She looked at her feet. "Especially in our case." She murmured, so quietly that if he hadn't been a vampire, he wouldn't have heard her.

He turned. "I'm not hurt."

"Oh. So the seething anger is because I didn't knock before entering." She said evenly. "Don't play that bullshit with me, Angel." Her voice cracked slightly.

He was silent for several seconds. "Fine. I'm hurt. Happy? Does that give you some kind of gratification? Felt like my wounds were *just* healed enough so you decided to come here and rip them open again?" The words poured out of him and he made no move to stop them.

She closed her eyes, absorbing the bitterness, knowing she deserved it. When he was done, she took a step towards him. But only one, because she knew if she got any closer, he would react with more anger.

"I'm here to apologize." She said simply.

"Like I said before. I'm not interested." Angel stated slowly. "Now go."

"No." She replied. "I'm not going to give up and walk away just because I'm scared that maybe this *can't* be fixed. Scared that you'll hate me anyway."

"So talk. Get it over with. You're not gonna change my mind with pretty words."

"No pretty words. That's your area." She sniped, than sighed. "See? You lash, I lash. Can you just not talk?" She pleaded.

He didn't say a word, but the look in his eyes spoke volumes. They stood in heavy silence for a long time, studying each other, noting small differences, waiting for Buffy to work up the nerve to begin.

Finally, she did.

"After you left, I changed. Although, I guess you might of worked that one out for yourself." She gave a small, laugh that held no joy. "I didn't even realize it at first. I still didn't realize it when I came here looking for Faith." Her voice was thoughtful. "About a month later, I realized. It hit me pretty hard, but...I knew I wasn't me, but I didn't know who me was."

She started pacing, running a hand through her blonde locks. "I spent a year and a half getting my groove back. That's why...That's why I couldn't come here before. I couldn't come here and beg your forgiveness while I was still wandering around a dog in Buffy's clothing." She stilled, turning to look at him. "I needed to know tat I could handle it. That seeing you again wasn't going to send me into a spin again."

She smiled, then. "Of course, seeing you will always send me into a spin, just..not a bad spin. And I'm finally there. I can look in the mirror and not hate what I've become. Before...Nothing was real anymore. I didn't....The things I did, things I said....they're so un-me, it's not funny. And Riley....god, he's probably the worst of them."

She looked at Angel. "He's a good guy, Angel."

Angel swallowed, felt that old, swirling, stinging jealousy in his gut. "I don't need to hear about the wonder that is Riley, Buffy. You're with him. I've dealt."

Her eyes narrowed. "Huh? Angel, that's not why I'm here. I haven't even seen him, in like, 3 months. I broke up with him as soon as I realized that I'd changed."

Angel hoped that the small flare of joy that little piece of information brought him was well concealed. She didn't seem to notice as she continued.

"Angel, I don't love him. I lied. To you. To him. To me. And I didn't even realize it. I didn't realize that my life was a lie." She sighed heavily. "I feel awful though. I led him on. Before me, Angel, he had a stable life. He was a demon hunter, sure, but it was just a job. A job that I managed to get him fired from. As well as alienating him from his friends, getting him injured, having him hunted down for treason. Geez, I'm a fun girlfriend, aren't I?"

Angel said nothing, still harboring a large, boiling anger towards her. He loved her. Always had, always would. But she'd hurt him, and he wasn't about to open his heart to her if she was just going to shatter it again.

"The point is, I don't love him. I liked him. A lot. But it wasn't enough....I told you I knew him. I trusted him." Her eyes were full of sadness. "I knew his surface, not his soul. I trusted him with my head, but not with my heart." She shrugged. "And there came a point where I had to ask myself: Surface or soul; Head or heart?"

She cocked her head to the side, studying him. "The head is what gets us into trouble. It lies. Tells you what you want to hear. When we listen to the head, we do things that we wouldn't usually." She said, her voice quiet, contemplative. "The heart...The is pure. It doesn't lie. When we listen to the heart, we may still do things wrong, but we do them for the right reasons."

She looked at him. "When I came here....I knew in my heart that Faith was trying to change, but my head just wouldn't listen. Part of me just couldn't believe that she was capable. When I found out she'd come after you....I couldn't see straight. My head and my heart just melded together in this all out panic and rushed up here to protect you." She smiled slightly, then. "I did a good job, huh?"

"Oh yeah." He replied, remembering his talk with Wesley, knowig he should ease up on her, just a little.

"When I got here, and you were with Faith...all that fear turned into jealousy, and hurt, and it was just like this whirlwind. If you had acually been with Faith, then, Angel....I think it would have killed me. Or maybe her. I wouldn't have been pleased, basically. She thought being the bad Slayer was unfair? Try being the good one. Even before she was evil. I had to take all the responsibility of the Slayer, she got all the fun. I had to be perfect, always. I had to always be there. Always be ready to drop my life to kill something, to protect someone, but she just got to take off at the drop of a hat. God, I sound so self pitying, don't I?"

Angel said nothing. He wanted to hear this. IT was giving him an insight into her hatred of Faith.

"I'm getting off topic." She closed her eyes, centering herself. "You said you knew what Faith did to me." She said slowly. "And maybe you do. Maybe you really don't care. Or maybe you have some giant understanding of it that I don't. The point is, it hurt me deeply, and I couldn't let it go."

"Buffy, she slept with Riley. Get over it." His anger grew again. The fact that Buffy had been ready to kill Faith over Riley....over a simple indiscretion....that just wasn't fair.

"Slept with Riley....you think *that's* what I'm talking about?" She cried. "I honestly don't give a flying fuck, Angel. Not anymore. She *stole* me *body*. I think I have the right to be pissed."

"Stole your body?" He repeated, bewildered by her outburst.

"You didn't know?" Buffy asked in a whisper, drained. She leaned against the wall, sinking down to sit. "You said you did."

"I was talking about Riley." He said softly, walking over and crouching in front of her. "Buffy, what happened?" He asked quietly,, concerned. This sounded like the key to her behaviour, an explanation for why she acted the way she did.

"She woke up from her coma, and as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset." Buffy laughed bitterly. "Not one for actions and consequences, our Faith." She paused. "Anyway, she somehow got her hands on this little thingamajiggy. It swapped our bodies. Magic carpet ride, that one."

She sniffled. "No-one even knew. Faith was walking around in my body, spending time with them, talking to them, and the only one who figured it out on her own was *Tara* who hadn't even *met* me!" Her voice was sad. "Riley didn't know. He slept with her, and never even realized it wasn't me."

"What did *you* do?" Angel asked. "In Faith's body?"

"Was tied up, abused, spat on. Those Wacky Watcher's Council guys have the best parties." She said, aiming for light, but failing miserably.

Angel forgot his anger and hurt, reaching out a hand to carress her cheek.

Her eyes welled. "They were going to lock me up in England for the rest of my life for the crimes she commited, and she was running around Sunnydale in *my* body, screwing every guy she could get her hands on, coming on to the ones she couldn't. And no-one believed me."

"Buffy...." Angel whispered.

She looked up, into his eyes,his bottom lip wavering slightly. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't know any of this." He said softly.

"Angel, it's not your fault. I had no right to come here and criticize you. And I was wrong about Faith. She's doing much better." Buffy sniffed.

"You...You've seen her." Angel said.

"I went yesterday afternoon." Buffy said. "We talked...well, I talked, she was nice enough to listen."

"And you...you forgave her." Angel prodded.

Buffy tensed, looking at Angel as if she were ashamed. "I...Not...No. Not yet. She knows that I'm on my way, and that I don't hate her, I'm just...still hurt. I'm just a girl, Angel. I can't always just let go of everything because I want to. I love her, she's like my sister, but she took joy in trying to destroy my life."

"I did the same thing." Angel reminded her.

"And there ain't no way I could ever forgive Angelus." She put her hand on his knee, looking into Angel's eyes. "You're not the same to me, Angel. Never have been." She smiled slightly.

Slowly, Angel nodded. "I guess you're right. We're not the same."

Buffy's smile was blinding. "Glad to see you finally worked that out."

Angel shrugged. "Doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty."

"Guilt...You can't stop feeling guilty. It's not something you feel because of blame. It's just instinctive reaction. You can know, without a doubt that something wasn't your fault, that you couldn't prevent it, and still be eaten up with guilt. It never stops." Buffy said. "God, that's depressing."

"True, though." Angel pointed out.

"With Faith...I know you think I hated her. That I wanted revenge, but....that's not who I am. I'm not into revenge, really. " She said slowly. "There was a method to my madness, but I was too overwhelmingly absorbed by jealousy that I wasn't really Little Miss Rational." She gave a tiny snort. "This whole deal started because Faith believed that she was different to other people. Better." She looked at Angel. "Above the law."

Angel's lips parted in realization. "And by punishing her the way you would a normal person...."

"Basically a ticket back down to Earth." Buffy said softly. "We're not better, or stronger than other people Angel. We have physically strength, and strong wills, but we're not gods. Sometimes we handle things badly. Sometimes we get screwed around, but we're only girls, and we do our best."

"I think I understand what you're trying to tell me." Angel said. "Wesley pointed out much the same thing..."

"Basically, the message is: Don't listen to a single *word* that I say when I'm upset." Buffy said. "I have a tendency to lash, and it never bodes well for the people around me."

Angel smiled, brushing a lock of her hair away. "I lashed too."

"So I do know you?" Buffy asked quietly, remembering *exactly* how badly, how deeply, those words had stung.

His eyes softened. "Baby, things have changed, but you'll *always* know me." He leaned forward, wrapping his hand around hers and pulling her up with him when he stood.

"Sometimes I wonder...I used to be able to tell what you were *feeling*, even if I couldn't work out what you were *thinking*, and now....You wanna kiss me, don't you?" She veered off mid-sentence.

He leaned toward her."And you say can't tell what I'm thinking." He whispered conspiratorially.

"Please do." She replied, smiling.

His lips touched hers softly, and her soul sang at being reunited with it's mate. Her body tingled, set on fire by the aching tenderness of the kiss. His hands traveled over her back, delighting her with their cool touch. She tried to press herself against him, yearning for more contact. Her arms slipped around his neck, playing with the hair at the back of his skull. She felt Angel smile against her mouth, and she smiled back, willing warmth from her lips into his cool ones.

She moaned when she felt Angel nibble her bottom lip, and then suddenly he pulled away from her. She opened her eyes, puzzled. He was gazing at her, his eyes dark and intense.

"I shouldn't have done that." He said slowly.

"Kissed me?" Buffy asked. "Why not?" She paused, her fear growing. "You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"

"Of course not." Angel assured her. "It's just...I started kissing you, and now I don't want to stop."

"Who says you have to?" Buffy asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"A Gypsy Elder." He reminded her. "Who are we kidding, Buffy! We can't do this. I've been in a room with you for five minutes and all I can think about is making love to you." He confessed. "I can't go the rest of your life without touching you."

Buffy lifted her hand and ran it down his face. "I'm not saying it won't be hard, Angel." She told him. "But most of the time I'll be in Sunnydale and you'll be here anyway. When we are together....We'll just have to be strong."

He opened his mouth, but she pressed a finger to his lip. "I realize that we can't do that forever. So we're gonna look for a loophole, or a new curse, or a binding spell. I'll get Willow and Tara's help, You can get Wesley's, whatever. We'll . Find. A. Way." She promised.

"Buffy..." Angel started.

"Please, Angel, I can't bear not to have you in my life any longer." She whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I love you."

"Beloved..." He murmured. "I love you too. You're right. We'll find a way."

He gathered her into his arms, dropping a kiss on her forehead. Buffy buried herself into his chest, closing her eyes and wishing away the outside world.

They stayed that way for hours.

And both were finally at peace.

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