SPOILERS: Nothing much. I hate Whedon's S4 world!! I mean Riley? What THAT all about. He appears a nice enough dude from what i've seen (ducks for cover) but he SO does not fit in on the show!!.
DISCLAIMERS: Not mine, never mine. If they were, there would always be B/A and NEVER B/R
SUMMARY: Nothing exciting. I tried to write a story in answer to the challenge (at the bottom of this fic if you wanna know what it was) but I was too depressed and kinda missed the point.
AUTHOR's NOTES: I guess only hearing about the b/r sex (I live in Scotland, and we're about 7 eps behind you guys (just about to see Wild At Heart) has been enough to make me dread upcoming episodes!! I wrote this a while back...

It's been a year today since you died. It still hurts like hell, and I know what hell feels like. At least when I was there, I always had a hope of getting back to you. Now there's no way, at least until I die. And I can't die and leave these three orphaned. Your legacy. Adrianna Willow O'Connor, Meghan Fiona O'Connor and the baby of the family David Alexander O'Connor. Daveys 18 months, and so sweet. Out of all our children, Davey's the only one who has my colouring. Adrianna has red hair, and huge green eyes like yours. Meghan's is exactly like you at the same age, from photo's your mom showed us.

I can't believe you're gone. It's been so hard to carry on, and its worse at nights. I visited your grave today for the first time. I don't like to spend too much time in the graveyard because it reminds me of when we first started going out, and all the time we spent kissing there. I miss you so much, and I prefer to remember you in my own way, smiling in the sunlight. You always looked so beautiful in the sunlight, and I thank god everynight that Willow managed to change me back to almost human. I mean, there's always the super strength thing, but thats good because I was never a liabilty to you.

It's funny, in a macabre sort of way, that you battled death on a daily basis each day and then, when it finally beat you, it wasn't in the form of some horrifying demon, but a car accident. I wish I'd let you drive that day. If you were driving, you would have survived, because the car would have collided with MY side of the car, and you would've been ok. I remember seeing your body attached to all the machinery in the hospital, kept alive only by assistance of the machines. All I could think of was that wasn't you, I couldn't feel you with me then. After you died, I felt hollow. I can't feel your spirit with me, but I know you must be watching, even if its only to see what the kids are up to.

Giles comes round often, under the pretense of helping me. Really, he doesn't actually do very much, but the children love him immensely. I'm glad he has some reminder of you, because I ruined his only chance of a family. I still feel horrible, but I feel like he's finally let it go, because we talk often now. Your father hates me, and refuses to even acknowledge our children when I'm around. Giles is Grampa, and he loves it. Even if he can be annoying. He's not really all that modern when it comes down to it, and its weird because I look to him as if he's older than me, when really, I could be his ancestor! He wants Adrianna and Meghan to be real girls, and whenever he babysits, he spoils Megs so much, probably cos she looks so much like you, Buffy.

It was what would've been our 8th anniversary two days ago. It felt horrible without out you here. I thought of our wedding day, and Willow had to come round to stay with the kids. Thank god her and Oz live so close, I don't think could manage without them. Adrianna and Carrie are so close. Willow and Carrie stay here on the full moon nights, she tells me its' because now that Carrie's old enough to wonder about by herself, she's scared of her accidentally coming across the canine Oz. I think she likes to keep an eye on me though, to make sure I'm managing okay. She's been an angel, literally. She had to help me with Adrianna's 5th birthday party, and Megs's 3rd. Who knew three year olds could cause so much trouble. But I'm managing Buffy, I am. It does get easier, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you as much. I do, everyday. So do Adrianna and Megs, and even Davey does. The girls end up in our bed sometimes, and they ask where you are. I tell them you're living with the angels, and they want to visit you. Adrianna asked me the other day if you had divorced us, and I had to explain that you loved us all still, it was just that you were so special that god wanted to talk to you too. She accused God of being selfish, and asked if SHE could talk to you. I said to her, just tell mummy whatever you want to, I'm sure she can hear you. I hope you can hear me Buffy, I hope you aren't missing out on all these experiences.

Your mom doesn't like me. I knew that when we got married. She takes the children out on Sundays. I've tried so hard, and she wont listen. She wants them. Our children. She accused me of being unfit to look after them. She says I'm introducing them to danger by just being there. But Buffy, they're my children. And I can protect them better than she can.

I hope she realises before she takes me to court about it, because if she does, I just know that they'll take her side. Adrianna, Meghan and David are all I have left. If the court sees that I'm half a person without you, they'll declare me an unfit parent, and take away our children.

You know what? It doesn't make any difference at all that neither of us have any living siblings because our children have all the aunts and uncles they could hope for. They've got Willow, sweet and gentle, Oz, who'll take them out and teach them music, Cordelia, who's always willing to make them up and paint the girls nails. She does face paint, and Halloween costumes too! Xander, who dotes on them. Him and Cordy are too busy socialising and working to have any children but he adores ours, and they him. He takes them out and buys them so much stuff. The first few times he took Adrianna out, she was sick because she ate so much. When you died, they formed such a strong support structure. There was always someone to help me with the kids while I tried to get you out of my mind all the time. I couldn't have coped without them.

I love you Buffy.

Sorry, I didn't stick to challenge rules, but I couldn't. My muse went wandering!
-Buffy has died, you can decide how, and Angel is stuck to raise their children. There must be at least two and one must be in diapers.
--One child must be a girl named Adrianna Willow.
--Giles must be the overbearing grandfather who shows up now and then, purely to try and help and ultimately frustrate Angel.
--Spike must be the super-annoying Uncle Spike that the kids just adore and Angel detests.
--I'd like to see a great line of Spike and Angel fighting in their game faces with the children watching happily. It would end with the kids clapping and both vamps being embarressed.
--Mention Doyle. I liked Doyle.
--Have Willow constantly bring food over, because Xander is a chef. I don't want him in the fic though. He and Angel don't mesh.
--This is my fave part - have Joyce come over and tell Angel (rudely) that the children would be better off with him. I'd love to see something where she threatens to take him to court and he flashes his game face, saying he'd like to see her try.

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